Socializing

Here's a surprisingly common problem that men run into with women: showing TOO much value.

Wait, how can that be a bad thing? The more value you have, the more attractive you are -- right?

Well, yes, to an extent that's true. However, the art of communicating value has a deeper, more subtle level that most men (even the majority of men who spend years learning how best to navigate the social arena) never reach.

Small talk is one of those things in life that it pays well to be good at -- but also pays equally well to move beyond as quickly as possible. When you've just met someone new, dwindling on small talk can be one of the most stultifying "nowhere zones" to end up in. Many a great new connection has been lost by the conversationalists' inability to move past this sometimes daunting formality.

A big thing for me lately is calibrating my conversation. Conversation to me these days is mostly about getting the girl talking, and mostly about getting her talking about her dreams, her relationship history, her childhood, and qualifying herself.

One big mistake I see a lot of men make when meeting new women is forgetting to allow for some mystery… a little intrigue. And a little bit goes a long way – it fascinates women, gets them thinking about you when you’re not there, gets them frustrated – in a good way! – trying to figure you out.

My good friend David – who also goes by “Asian Rake” – made a point some time ago that set the gears working in my head. He said something along the lines of, “You know what I’ve realized all naturals have in common? They build up the energy of everyone around them.”

This was something I’d thought about a little before, but hearing someone say it outright hit me like a bolt out of the sky.