Articles by Author | Girls Chase

Articles by Tony Depp

5 Stages of Grief and Ghosting

dating ghosting flaking

“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”
    —Viktor E. Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning

One of my greatest hurdles with pickup and dating is dealing with the stream of rejections, disappointments, and the emotional crash tied to them.

I’d love to say I don’t care, but that would be a lie. It’s just part of the game and something you can train your mind, body, and soul to deal with. After all, they call it the “Game” because it’s supposed to be fun, right?

For most of us, the trauma of not hooking up with a girl we like, although nothing compared to surviving a Nazi death camp (search the above quote), may feel the same. That is, not to those who aren’t self-aware of their emotional states, psychology, how they function, and why. I call these people “Sleep Walkers” because they walk through life in a dream, blown about by the winds of chance like puppets who can’t see the strings.

Most of my clients come to me because they’ve hit a perceived “rock bottom.” They were dumped, divorced, or rejected, which caused enough emotional trauma for them to wake up and realize that suffering is no solution. The only path out of suffering is awareness and action.

It may take a very long time to awaken, because knowledge may be abrupt, but wisdom is slow. It’s not like striking your thumb with a hammer, where you learn “Damn! That really hurt. Don’t do that again.” You’ll instinctually understand that this activity hurts, but the process of learning the art of a hammer is slow and long.

Emotional pain is the same but lasts even longer. It seems like it’s never our fault. It’s “their” fault, or “its” fault. Taking responsibility for the cause of emotional pain comes slowly. It’s not like a hammer. The pain isn’t abrupt or obvious.

Every emotion you feel is because you allow yourself to feel it — even the pain of rejection. Just like a hammer on your thumb, accidents happen. But you don’t blame the hammer. You learn how to use it better.

Your mind, just like the hammer, is a tool.

In this article, I’m going to show you how your mind works, so the next time you’re flaked on, or ghosted by a girl, you won’t go into a month-long depression. Instead, learn to use your mind, like a baker uses sugar to create a tastier dish than the pie of despair you’ve been feeding yourself.

Approach Anxiety Is a Flat Tire

approach anxiety
Anxiety is trying to imagine and solve every possible outcome, all at once. When you stop trying to control things you can’t, it’s like fixing a flat tire in your game.

Men often come to me in a desperate condition. They say, “I’m not that bad with women. If I could just destroy this approach anxiety, I’d be able to get all the girls I want.”

I feel like a car mechanic who specializes in changing tires. Every car owner may think their car is unique, but I’ve changed thousands of tires, to the point of routine. So while the student is saying “My father never paid enough attention, and my mother was overbearing, and I was a fat kid in grade 4, and…”

All I hear is “My tire is flat. Can you teach me how to change it?”

Musings on How to Keep Your Wife (or Girlfriend)

how to keep your wife
A seduction doesn’t end at marriage. Let’s illustrate by tearing down a mediocre poem written by a man who’ll never keep his wife – a man who just doesn’t get it.

I was browsing a men’s forum and found this sad but educational letter penned by a heartbroken divorcé. It offers insight into how a man, lacking a foundation in female psychology, was able to destroy his marriage within seven years.

It’s not an easy read. It’s the lament of a victim on his ineptitude with women. It’s the poetry of a beta male, worshiping at the feet of a woman he sees as above him.

Inner Game Issues — The REAL Reason You Can't Get Women

can't get women
Your biggest barrier to attracting women is not what you think it is. If you keep saying “I can’t get laid because I am [blank],” you may need to rewire your inner game.

I’m a firm believer that the art of picking up girls is a gateway drug to true self-development.

Before I found the seduction community, I’d never heard of concepts like the abundance vs. scarcity mindset, limiting beliefs, or social conditioning. It was when I searched the internet for “How to get a girlfriend” that I was introduced to the odd and wonderful world of pickup artistry.

My goal, like most of you, became simple: to become awesome at picking up women. I quickly found there were hundreds of seduction techniques, gurus, and schools to choose from. With experience, I discovered it didn’t matter how many tactics I tried; it was like putting a bandaid on a gaping flesh wound.

My true self was always spilling out — a wounded, insecure, inexperienced, socially frightened boy, drastically distanced from the pinnacle of gleaming, confident excellence I am today.

The women knew I wasn’t there yet. So most of them, while amused at my pickup attempts, just wouldn’t date me. Most wouldn’t even text me back. I was baffled, frustrated, and increasingly depressed by my lack of results.

I asked one girl I was trying to score with, after numerous rejections, “What do I need to do?”

Her reply: “Spend six months meditating with my shaman in India.”

In a way, she was right. It wasn’t until years later that I understood what she really meant.

My inner game was crap.

How to Access Flow State and Advance to Seduction Mastery

flow state
Flow state is the miraculous place where everything works and makes you feel like a boss. What does it take to access flow state and make it your long-term ally?

If you’ve been cold approaching long enough, you’ll have heard the term “getting into state,” or perhaps “state control.” If you hang out with new pickup dudes, you’ve probably heard it in a phrase like, “I can’t approach tonight, bro. I’m not in state.”

That’s the beauty of seduction theory. Whenever some new idea comes out, weak men always find a way to use it as an excuse to not take action.

So, what is this mystical “state” we're talking about here?

State is the magical place where everything works. When you’re in “flow,” or “the zone,” you become a demi-god of skill, charisma, and focus. It’s a powerful place to be, not just with pickup but in any activity that requires skill.

The seminal book on state (and one of my all-time favorites) is Flow, The Psychology of Optimal Experience by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi. I’ll be quoting Mihaly as “MC” for this article, and any mentions of “flow” will refer to his book. The state of being in flow, I will call “state.”

Are Your Friends Not into Pickup or Self-Improvement? Find New Ones

seduction community
Should you talk to your friends about pickup? Most aspiring seducers end up alienating their buddies when they do, so it’s best to find or build your own community.

What if I told you there was a secret, hypnotic, neurolinguistic routine guaranteed to make any beautiful woman incredibly hot for you? That by uttering one phrase, she will instantly fall to her knees and begin worshiping your Phallic Lord Mushroom Tip?

It doesn’t matter how short, fat, bald, old, brown, or purple you are because it’s fail-proof. This knowledge has been guarded by an elite group of top-level pickup gurus for decades and is just now being revealed to the public. Would you want access to this technology?

That’s how they got me, too.

When I first got into pickup, it was still a very niche, underground community, and that was the allure. They offered a secret knowledge that very few men were aware of.

There weren’t YouTube infield videos with millions of views, and only certain coaches were just beginning to promote a more mainstream, less “hypnotic” version of seduction. It was based on the idea that words alone had power, and less on the more modern, common sense, holistic view of flirtation and self-development. It was very attractive to nerds like myself.

But it was the magic hypnotism that got me hooked. I wanted the Hogwartsian powers of seduction. What scared most normies off the topic was exactly what attracted me. Because if this turned most people off, then it must mean it worked. I had (and still have) the view that most people fear the truth and are a lot like sheep. If they’re running from something, I tend to head toward it.

What sort of person are you? Do you run with the herd, or do you question the narrative?

The Many Benefits of Learning Indirect Day Game

indirect day game
Direct openers are great for some guys, but they can get old. Once that happens, or if you’re just not into them, go indirect. It can really pay off with practice.

When I first started learning pickup, almost nobody was doing direct day game. Not as we know it, anyway.

Now it’s all the rage, with day game videos amassing hundreds of thousands of views on YouTube and new day game coaches breeding like rabbits.

I think it’s great. The more men who learn how to find their balls, the better. I just want to point out that you’re stunting your growth if you limit yourself to this one style.

You Don't Need to Be Perfect – Your Flaws Are What Make You Attractive

flaws make you attractive
The next time you want to approach a girl but want to chicken out even more, remember: when it comes to attraction, having flaws is better than being perfect.

There are few skills more useful and powerful for developing your charisma than cold approach pickup. At its very core, all it entails is approaching women to make them feel comfortable enough to let you inside them.

The concept is simple, but the application is hard.

Imagine you’re a robot. You’re given a program, and the code tells you to: walk up to a girl, tell her she’s cute, talk to her for two minutes, and ask for her contact.

A robot would have no problem with this task because it doesn’t feel emotions like fear, doubt, insecurity, or self-consciousness. It would just approach with the correct formula compiled from the Girls Chase seduction database, and make it happen. A robot would know exactly the right techniques to apply, like how to touch a girl, how to make her feel comfortable, the right vocal tonality, plus the proper subjects and replies to elicit positive emotions like attraction, arousal, and intrigue.

What the robot would lack, however, is exactly what makes the best seducers so excellent, which is not necessarily control of emotions, but emotions themselves.

It’s often our flaws and deficiencies that make us charismatic. Not perfection, but imperfection that arouses the deepest interest. Rags to riches, zero to hero, the underdog story.

Science fiction has covered this. The creators program quirks and flaws into AI behavior, just to make humans more comfortable around them (droids). But we humans are naturally imperfect, so to strive for perfection is futile, even if you've been fitted with Borg implants. A “perfect” robotic companion would make us uneasy. We’d always wonder if our AI slave was ready to usurp and replace us. Just like having the “perfect” girl will leave most men insecure that she will leave him.

We should only strive for improvement, not perfection. It’s those who don’t strive for any growth whatsoever who dwell in the shadows, far away from any recognition. They may call themselves enlightened, but even the priest is looking to improve his relationship with his God, at least.

Look at someone like my favorite author, Charles Bukowski, for example. He wrote hilarious books and beautiful poetry that inspired millions to try their hand at writing. He took poetry away from intellectuals and gave it back to ordinary people. He was also a brutal alcoholic, depressive, and a jerk to women. But we love him for his honesty.

If it weren’t for Bukowski’s “flaws,” he wouldn’t have developed his deep understanding of what living a life of poverty can do to establish a man as an artist. His flaws are precisely what made his writings so perceptive and rich.

You don’t need to be perfect, just improving. It saddens me how many of you will never try to achieve something great because the task seems too far away, too impossible — as if you won’t gain anything from even trying.

6 Things You Must Do Before You Find Your Calling

find your calling
Will you be content if you find your calling? Since we're wired to always want more than what we have, maybe not. But these 6 things will at least make life interesting.

You want to find your calling or your purpose, but have no idea where to start? If you’ve ever thought about this, you’re a rare phenomenon. The vast majority of people never strive for anything more than filling their bellies and maybe going on a two-week vacation once a year.

Perhaps you’re bored, lonely, or broke, and that’s why you want to find your calling. Because if you were challenged, entertained, and enlightened, you wouldn’t be going through existential angst. You’d be happy with yourself and your life, and everything would be damn perfect, right?

How to Win at Seduction: Maximize Strengths and Minimize Weaknesses

seduction success
Not all men are born lady killers. Lucky for us, the seduction community has proven time and again that even YOU can get hot girls by focusing on what you can control.

Because most guys haven’t had success "just being themselves," they think verbal game is the only essential skill in seduction. There’s no possibility that a girl may be waiting to meet a guy who looks like you, right? You’re not good looking, or tall, or rich. There’s zero chance that she may be single, bored, lonely, or horny, and you’re just her type at the right time and place?

It’s the men who don’t try often enough who are the first to cry “Only looks matter!” They have inner-game issues related to their self-image (e.g., I’m ugly). So, I get them to record audio of their approaches with their phones, and unsurprisingly, their conversations are boring: no emotion, no insights, just surface level small talk. Then they wonder why they’re getting phone numbers, but not dates. It must be because they’re so ugly, they figure.

I also get these eccentric guys. They show up dressed like bums, or clowns, with nose hairs jutting out, loose, dirty clothing, or fashion from 1996 hip hop culture. They never run out of things to say, and their conversations are anything but boring. They also believe they’re the most handsome of all men. They have astronomical self-esteem. But the women don’t want anything to do with them because they feel embarrassed being seen with these guys.

So as a coach, I quickly slot men into categories:

And so forth.

Every man can improve himself. But he has to believe it’s possible and be willing to put in the effort.

seduction success

As far as these low-self-esteem cases, the one thing they have in common is that they’re “not enough.” They’re just not good enough (in their minds) to get the hot girls. They’re not good-looking enough, and they just don’t know what to say. They think if they could correct one of those issues, then everything would turn around for them.

That’s what they tell themselves, anyway. If they were better looking and had game, everything would work out. Well, isn’t that why we’re learning this stuff? Because we’re not all born handsome and witty?

It’s how I used to think, too: I wasn’t good enough for hot girls. I was too short, too fat, too skinny, too young, too old, too plain, and I had to talk myself attractive. Once I discovered the pickup community, it was like being handed a magic wand. All I had to do was practice these tactics and techniques, so I’d finally know exactly what to say to girls. Now, almost 14 years later, I still have no idea what to say to girls to get them to like me. But I’m a lot more confident, and women like that trait.

Here’s the truth about “Game.” As a science, it was made for average, frustrated chumps. Not good-looking, social geniuses.

We’ve learned: