Articles by Cody Lyans | Girls Chase

Articles by Cody Lyans

How to Communicate and Connect with Women

how to communicate with women
Women don’t communicate like men, and most guys don’t understand that. Let’s boil down the things you should know if you want to stand out as a guy who “gets” her.

Women see the world differently than men do. My experience as a seducer has afforded me the chance to study these differences in great depth. Over time I have witnessed the sheer scale and extent of these differences and how they affect communication. But the ordinary guy is not born with this knowledge, and it is not that easy to grasp in the normal routine of life. I will break down the most significant differences and explain why communication is best done in a certain way to help achieve clarity.

Just like any other guy, I started out thinking: “Whether man or woman, the principles of communication are the same: be honest, talk directly, and expect the same from others.”

When I expected a response from women, I was surprised when women would not respond. On top of this, I expected attraction to work the same way for women as men and predicted they would want sex right away if they liked the look of a guy. So at first, I just asked girls directly if they wanted to go on a date, kiss, or come back to my place.

I can easily imagine my life if I had continued thinking this way. I would never have become capable of discussing profound topics with women and may have NEVER caught on to how to become as adept with women as I am today.

I caught on quickly through several strokes of good fortune.

How to Change a Girl's Negative Perceptions of You

fix bad first impression
If a girl screens you out before getting to know you, don't take it personally. It's not that difficult to change a girl's perception of you and turn things around.

Have you ever felt like a woman has judged you from one look and came to a conclusion that puts you out of the running forever? Well, it is no illusion. Women do screen men out like this, and if you go in blindly, your chances of turning things around are not very high.

There is a reliable way to turn your image around with a girl, however. What I'll share in this post can help you confidently get back on track.

First, let's go through why girls get negative images of you so you don't take it personally or hold it against women. When I first started picking up girls, they screened me out, thinking that I was unmanly, weak-willed, naïve, boring, and lame. Of course, I felt shocked that I was labeled this way and thought these girls were wrong.

It's important that we understand the reason women often screen so harshly: they despise men who promise results LATER.

Anyone can promise they'll be worthwhile to a girl at some later point, after some rapport is built or whatever. If a woman gives in to this reasoning, your true character and intentions will remain hidden until the time you reveal them. She risks being played and getting emotionally hurt. No girl is so weak that she will let anybody hurt her just because he says he won't, and needs some help to get started. Women screen to see your agenda NOW. They want to know if you can DELIVER on command or not.

If you are unwilling to show your agenda or character in the now, it's because you are ashamed of it. If you are not able to deliver on command, you have no business making them.

So, from a woman's point of view, this is the most basic screening behavior. She assures herself that men GIVE her a benefit now and that they REVEAL how they feel about themselves and their actions. It lets her deal only with men she knows have something to offer.

Now, you can rage against the mating-game here and say it's unfair, but look at how trivial of a test this is. It does not determine much about you; it is actually very open (unless you failed to pass it). Her image of you can also be changed if you know how. So it is like raging at a parking meter. There are bigger issues to worry about — issues that are actually in your control.

A bit of understanding can go a long way. As with many things, the first step is to accept reality, then develop a game plan to adapt and conquer.

Here's my experience and advice for managing your image with girls in the long term.

Overthinking and Seduction Don't Mix

seduction and overthinking
Attraction requires a flow of action and reaction. It gets disrupted when you overthink. To gain a successful seducer’s mindset, practice acting on a whim.

As men, we are thinkers. When faced with a problem or difficult scenario, we want to take a seat and mull over the possibilities. As a seducer, you want to interrupt that process and adopt another kind of thinking.

There are a few things overthinking men do “wrong” in the eyes of women:

  1. Acting on opportunities too late or delaying sexual behavior to seem chivalrous

  2. Promising things in the future that have no evidence in the present

  3. Desiring the ideal of sex like it can't go wrong and losing sight of reality where it can

We tend to slow down when things get complex, but women start to worry and think faster as things get complicated. To girls, we seem ill-equipped to handle complexity. Girls have no way of measuring the potential success rate when we sit down to think; they assume we are “sitting this one out.” So by that standard, it is not chivalrous to delay sexual behavior; it is often seen as a man “quitting very easily.”

Also, we like to promise the future to women. However, women are intensely connected to their feelings in the "right now," and the future does not affect them emotionally like the present does. A woman will never give up an emotion NOW for an unmeasurable gain later. Neither will she respect a promise without strong evidence, no matter your conviction.

Lastly, if you desire sex, and do not consider all the ways it can blow up and be annoying, girls will just become lazy and entitled about sex. They’ll think of you as far too slow-witted to have a mind of your own about what is desirable. And if they think you don't know what is desirable, they won't strive to be desired by you.

These three concepts are why you need to stop sitting down to think or slowing down to seem thoughtful. Girls do not think like you, they think faster and faster, intensely relying on feelings NOW, and they adhere to a code of absolute desire or apathy.

To think like a seducer, you must become uninhibited in every action you take, adhering to a philosophy they adore. You must flow from task to task, and make the complex seem simple and beautiful. You cannot slow down or get flustered, and you cannot overthink.

Seducing is much like playing a musical instrument. You cannot worry about what others will think of you if you start scrunching your face as you search for the perfect sound. You can't stop halfway through the song to think through the next part. At that exact moment in time, it is sink or swim, and you must act in the way that produces maximum effect. Anything less, and you will not capture people's imagination or stir up their feelings.


Curb Your Approach Anxiety by Flipping the Script

approach anxiety flip the script
When approaching a woman, much of our anxiety comes from not understanding her perspective. This mindset tweak will help unburden your ego and smooth things out for you.

The assumption with approaching a woman is that you want her to become your lover, and because of that assumption, you probably start off approaching girls you think are going to be easier to handle if rejected, or girls you feel are less likely to reject you.

Approaching women is a unique difficulty that usually only men have to face. It is a startling requirement that tips off women so dramatically of your interest in them that it can cause you to feel helpless and very vulnerable.

So how can you start approaching a woman with confidence like the kind of man she would like to be approached by and want to attract? How can you stop overcompensating because of your fear of rejection?

Here are some ideas.

How Boys Become Men in the Modern World

how boys become men
There isn’t a single event or ritual that can make you a man, yet many believe there is – and that they’ve missed it. Becoming a man has always been a process of choices.

I’ve heard time and time again on the internet that “guys aren’t becoming men these days,” so it might be important to address this idea.

I want to help illuminate what parts of this statement are wrong, what parts are deceptive, and what parts are correct.

First off, let me say there has never been a perfect time to exist and there probably never will be, so let’s not look at this statement too seriously. Instead, we will do a better job of looking at each part as we reflect on the true way a boy can become a man in today’s world.

Being Genuine: The Real Deal vs. Putting on the Facade

genuine vs facade
Sometimes we put on facades because our genuine self sucks. Other times because we don’t want to appear ordinary. Can one become both genuine and extraordinary?

What is the difference between being the genuine article and being just a good fake? Before discussing this, let’s throw out the moralistic rulebook of society that says being a fake causes people to gasp audibly and say “Shame on you!” Instead, let’s be real here.

Putting on a facade doesn’t make you a bad guy. It doesn’t necessarily make you anything out of the ordinary, but therein lies the issue – the ordinary. In a world where ordinary often comes up short, is boring, and disappoints, it ought not be the aim, right?

For some, being ordinary is a shield; it is a way we can justify our actions and focus on activities that yield an ordinary result, but a result nonetheless. Ordinary is safe. We relax in the classification of our acts being ordinary because by default it means, no one SHOULD make a fuss, or else they are the crazy one, and if they act crazy trying to take you on, they act crazy trying to take on the whole world.

So it is no small wonder, then, that when we put on a facade, we do so with some sense of reassurance. Every other guy has done it, and if they haven’t, they either should have or are a liar trying to put rules on you they never intend to follow themselves.

And we all know that being the genuine article is preferable, but should we suffer while we try to get to that place more than we already do? Often the answer to this debate in our head comes to a close rather quickly – so quickly that it might not even be a conscious thought. We therefore hold no accountability for the choice and can leave it aside without worry of it ever coming back to bite us. Or can we?

The Moment That Propelled Me Relentlessly Forward as a Man

experience changes a man
Throughout life, we have opportunities to gain experiences that free our minds and build our character, leaving us forever changed. This is the moment that freed me.

Some moments in life change everything. In those moments, you draw back a curtain that reveals more than you ever bargained for, and it changes you forever.

This is my story of that moment, after which my journey to seduction mastery went ahead full speed.

I have understood this story in my own way for many years, but I have never before been able to truly do it justice until now.

I was discussing this with someone casually today, and for some reason, I found the right words to describe how I felt inside. I figured, why not share it with you guys?

4 Key Steps to Improve Quickly and Not Burn Yourself Out

improve quickly without burning out
What’s worse than setting a big goal just to burn out and quit before reaching it? These 4 planning tips will ensure that you improve quickly and stay motivated.

Once you know the basic foundation of any good style, the next step is to use that information to improve yourself in as realistic a way as possible. To improve, first identify what you need to change the most and develop a way to experiment with changes, so you get reliable feedback.

Some types of feedback are better than others, and some are outright useless. The most important feedback helps to raise your baseline. The least important is feedback you think is “everything you will ever need.”

It is tempting to think that you can conquer difficult tasks in one giant leap, but taking shortcuts reduces the probability of succeeding. At most, it will temporarily boost your feeling of hope, but this hope builds by constant progress, not constant setbacks (this happens when you push yourself too far too fast).

It is important to set large goals, but don’t try to accomplish a large goal in one giant leap. That’s a recipe for getting burned out and quitting altogether.

In this article, I’ll give you sensible tips to learn and improve quickly while not burning yourself out.

Planning and Tracking Progress Are Essential to Get Good with Women

planning and tracking progress with women
If you don’t know where you are or what path to take, you’ll get lost with no hope of reaching your destination. Here’s how to get your bearings.

Over the last decade of coaching guys on how to solve their problems with getting good with women, I have noticed a pattern.

Building a successful style of game is a tough task, and when push comes to shove, a lot of guys give up before they establish a strong baseline and find what truly works for them.

I can see how to scale each individual problem that’s holding a guy back, but I then have to help him navigate around obstacles close to him so that the job of tackling all his issues doesn’t leave him overwhelmed and confused.

To build a successful style of game, you need to find the right plan for dealing with all that is necessary to reach your end goal before you give up in frustration. Revamping oneself into a successful seducer is very doable, but it usually requires much more than addressing just a few simple things. And that’s why most guys struggle with girls.

It’s hard to get anywhere without being able to see clearly where you are, where you’ve been, and what roads you need to take, right? Without that knowledge, it’s understandable that people fall victim to “are we there yet?” syndrome and become hopeless after hearing “no” so many times – and figure they’re better off changing course to familiar territory.

So, in this article, I’m going to explain how planning and tracking progress will help you avoid getting bogged down, frustrated, and feeling like you’re wasting your time. It will transform “are we there yet?” to “I’ve come this far and I know what’s next.”

How to Create a Personal Plan for Success with Women

Create a Plan for Success with Women
Want to get better with women but don’t know exactly how to go about it? Follow these steps to create a plan that makes efficient use of your time and your mind.

How should you go about planning for success when it comes to learning about women?

This is a difficult question to answer because seduction has many moving parts, but to follow up on my previous post, I will describe my process and the questions I use to forge my way through the chaos.

To plan for success in seduction – or anything you want to get better at – try asking these three questions.

  • What do you need to improve?

  • When do you need to improve it?

  • And why?

These questions might seem simple at first glance, but we can only learn at a certain rate. Therefore, to improve at a rapid pace, you want to streamline the process by focusing on what is most important for you at a certain time, with the right purpose behind it. While these questions are simple, there is a lot more substance to them than meets the eye. So, in this article, I will go through a few things that should make answering them an easier task.

Knowing why you need to learn something requires you to understand the broad context. Knowing when to learn something requires self-awareness. And knowing what to improve requires access to technical details and common trends. The substance of these questions is in how you go about developing technical proficiency, self-awareness, and contextual understanding.