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Articles by Ricardus Domino

Relationship Jealousy: Here's How to Beat It

relationship jealousyAs we continue on with our relationship series, there are a couple of ground rules you might set for your relationship if you want to ASSURE smooth sailing, avoid relationship jealousy, and generally have a happy and productive romance. The best way to lay these rules is, as usually, not by explicitly stating them… you don’t want to give her a list.

“These are the rules, woman.”

Not so smooth…

Instead, use the power of frame control to convey what you value and expect from a partner. For example, you can bring it up in conversation, or you can inoculate against an undesirable behavior by telling her about another girl who behaved that way… and how that did nothing to further her relationship with you.

As I said, I believe the most important rule in any functioning relationship is that both partners be always honest with each other. At the same time, however, I recommend that you trust each other implicitly until there is a reason not to. It won’t improve your relationship if you’re constantly suspicious of her… and it won’t help your relationship jealousy any. Trust is one of the four pillars of a great relationship (more about that later on in our series).

And knowing how to maintain that level of trust – and avoid relationship jealousy – is what this article is about.

Understanding Love: How it Works in Romance and Relationships

understanding loveWe’ve been talking a lot about love lately, including in the posts on how to not fall in love and answering the question should you say I love you. What I want to go into today is a focus on understanding love and how it works - more specifically, the chemicals in your brain that cause that temporary madness that comes over us when we find someone captivating, and the process we all go through as love matures.

The best book about this topic is probably Why We Love by Helen Fisher. Fisher is considered THE authority on the subject, and you would do yourself a huge favor by reading her book – it will really help you to understand a lot of what’s going on underneath the surface when we fall in love.

In the meantime, here are some of the biochemical substances that get released between two people who have a crush on each other:

Should You Say "I Love You"? Making Progress in Relationships

should you say i love youWe’re continuing the theme of relationships on here this week, kicking it off with a post on bonding, and then onto a topic every guy wonders about sooner or later in his relationship: should you say “I love you”?

Now, in relationships, it’s paramount you keep in mind that you can only move FORWARD, to ever higher levels of commitment and intimacy.

You can’t take a girl out for dinner dates every week, and then suddenly try to make her into a pure friend with benefits who only comes over for sex and nothing else.

The other way round - taking a friend-with-benefits and progressing her to dinners and movies - usually works just fine, though.

By the same token, you also can’t demote a girlfriend into a friend with benefits. And again, the other way round usually doesn’t pose much of a problem.

You must make absolute sure you know your outcome, and plan the relationship dynamics accordingly from the get-go... if you want it all to go smoothly and well, that is.

Find the Right Girl: What to Look for in a Potential Girlfriend

find the right girlWe've been talking a lot about relationships on here recently - but so far, it's been more on how to have healthier relationships in your own right. But how should you go about selecting the girl you want to have a relationship with in the first place? As you might guess, your ability to find the right girl is enhanced significantly if you know exactly what you want her to be like.

We’ve all heard a million times before that a ship without a rudder ends up on a reef… and that failing to plan is planning to fail… but are you really planning what kind of girl you want to attract into your life?

Put down in writing the exact kind of girl you want to attract for your ideal relationship.

Describe her in detail… her physical traits as well as her personality.

What does her hair look like? What race is she? Does she have big breasts or is she super-slim? Is she educated and ambitious or sweet and homely?

Write it all down… and add it to your daily affirmations.

Whether you believe that the law of attraction is at work here, or whether you believe that goal setting isn’t much more than programing the subconscious mind and the reticular activation system… either way, their effectiveness has been established over and over.

You may have heard the old Yale survey that showed that the 5% of students who had written goals at the date of their graduation ended up having a higher net worth than the 95% of students who didn’t COMBINED within 20 years of graduation. Well... it turns out that was just an urban legend and there never was such a study - BUT, there's still been plenty of research since then that has firmly shown the strong positive effect setting goals can have on actually achieving those goals (see: A meta-analytic study of the effects of goalsetting on task performance: 1966–1984, or Building a practically useful theory of goal setting and task motivation: A 35-year odyssey, to name just a few).

In any case, I have some good news for you… the girl that is your EXACT type… the one you REALLY like out of all the beautiful women you’ll come across day in and day out… is the one that is most likely to also REALLY like you back.

I haven’t seen any scientific studies about this yet, but I have made this experience time and again… my personal theory is that this happens because you both subconsciously realize you’re an ideal genetic match for each other.

How to Stop Playing Games (in Your Relationship)

stop playing gamesWe’ve used frames a lot for the sake of getting sexually intimate with women quickly… now let’s look at the power of frames in the context of exclusive relationships a bit more.

Let’s take the example we used in our last post, "How to Not Fall in Love"… she’s not texting you, and you’re starting to freak out a little.

Does she not miss you?

Is she with another guy?

What is going ON?

The first thing to realize is that one of a million things could be going on…

  • Maybe she’s busy
  • Maybe she’s asleep
  • Maybe she’s out of phone credit

The last one is the biggie… and if she’s really into you, then that’s probably the one you’re facing. As I said, women read dating advice too… from the gossip with her girlfriends to the women’s magazines she reads on a regular basis, she’s being primed for playing the GAME like a PRO.

But as I mentioned above… if you’re trying to move things forward, from dating to a proper relationship, you want to stop playing games; to get rid of all games you guys are playing with each other.

Of course, it’s easy enough for YOU to stop playing games if you so choose.

The question is, though… how can you stop HER from playing games?

How can you disarm them before they even come up?

And THAT is an excellent question.

How to Not Fall in Love (Too Soon)

how to not fall in loveNote from Chase: we've had a lot of requests on the site recently asking for more information on relationships - and we realize that's a gap here. Only a handful of the posts on the blog deal with relationships, and none of the programs on offer here do. So, we're working on correcting that - I'm writing a relationship book that I'm quite confident is going to blow most guys' relationship thinking out of the water, and in the meantime we're trying to get more posts up on about the topic.

Ricardus has just sent me a batch of perhaps 7 posts dealing explicitly with relationships, and over the next few weeks I'll be getting those up on here. This is the first one of those posts, on "how to not fall in love" (at least, not too soon)... enjoy.

Tell me if you can relate to this…

You’ve met a girl that is somehow pulling all the right strings with you (…and if not, this article will teach you how to find, meet, get and keep her). You don’t know what it is with her (or maybe you DO), but she’s got your heart atwitter and your mind in a knot just thinking about her.

Your hard work has paid off… and you’ve hooked up with a girl who’s EXACTLY your type… both in terms of looks and personality.

Things couldn’t be much better… except, all the confidence and inner strength you had worked so hard to cultivate over the years are suddenly RIGHT out the window.

Maybe you’re even in a place where you know you could go out and pick up other girls if you wanted to, so it’s not an issue of scarcity (e.g., your girlfriend being hard to replace)… maybe you’ve had a lot of one-night stands, friends-with-benefits or open relationships before.

And in those situations, you’ve always been cool… coolio like Fonzie.

But around your new girl-friend, you’re suddenly weak at the knees… ESPECIALLY when something happens that gives you room for doubt… doubt whether she’s really as much into you as you are into her.

What causes this, and what can you DO about it?

How to Use the Sexual Frame to Turn Women On

sexual frameMany people believe that it doesn’t matter much what you say to a girl when you chat her up… that 93% of all communication is nonverbal anyway, and that the words are just filler. Thus, any sexual frame you employ should be more focused on your body language and less so on your words… they just aren’t as important, goes the thinking.

This is a misunderstanding of Mehrabian’s study, which showed that somebody’s body language and tone of voice account for 93% of our LIKING for that person… it does not, however, mean that the spoken word only convey 7% of the meaning of any communication.

“Liking” is also largely irrelevant when it comes to seduction – girls will often sleep with and even get into relationship with guys that they don’t particularly like… attraction beats liking, hand over fist, every time.

And if it was true that words only conveyed 7% of what’s being communicated, it should be perfectly possible to watch a movie in a foreign language and still understand 93% of what is being said…

Try that some time. :)

If it was true, it should also be possible to tell a girl to bugger off… and get a 93% similar response as when telling her that she’s pretty.

There is, however, a more subtle reason why words matter… and that reason is frames, and the implications of what is being said.

So what are frames and frame control now?

Well, let’s look at some examples.

Seduce Her Every Time: 2 Simple Things All Great Seducers Know

A couple of years ago, there was a huge debate going on in the Dating Advice Community… should you follow a structure when you go out to meet a girl, or should you just improvise to develop your “natural” abilities to seduce her? In a way, this is like a debate between science and art… between the left brain and the right.

And, this debate has actually been settled decades ago, in a different context… watch this clip from time index 1:00.

“It’s a combination of both. Here is the natural instinct, and here is control. You are to combine the two in harmony. If you have one to the extreme, you will be very unscientific. If you have another to the extreme, you become all of a sudden a mechanical man… no longer a human being. So it is a successful combination of both… so therefore it’s not pure naturalness or unnaturalness, the idea is unnatural naturalness, or natural unnaturalness.” – Bruce Lee.

So, let’s have a look at both sides of the coin when it comes to seduction and even to learning new skills in general, and let’s find the best way to marry the two concepts of learned structure and intrinsic ability.

What Do Girls Look for? They Look for This (Part II)

what do girls look forIn the previous article, we answered the question "What do girls look for?" as it relates to picking up girls – how you can become a man of higher value, how you can be perceived as having higher value and how you can leverage supply and demand in several ways to get an almost unfair advantage over other guys.

This week we’ll have a look at the value equation again, but from a different angle… this time, we’ll look at value under the lense of dating and relationships.

Read the other article first (linked to above) if you haven’t yet, just to make yourself familiar with all the fundamentals of what women value in a man, and then come back here and we’ll get started.

Read it already?

I take it you’re back… all right.

Let’s dive right in.

What Do Girls Look for? They Look for This (Part I)

what do girls look forIt has often been said that both sexual attraction and romantic love are “value based”… but is that really true and what exactly does that even mean? What do girls look for in a man?

And if it’s true that value and attraction are linked and women are attracted to men based on their value… would it be useful to know what exactly that value constitutes?

Would it help to know how you can increase your value in the dating market place… both in reality and in her perception?

Absolutely. Absolutely it would.

And we're going to go into exactly what it is that women look for in men and value in them, and what you can do to raise yours.

Now, before we get into the meat of how to attract women by being THEIR (the women's) most high-value option, let’s cover some background…