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Social Skills 101: Engaging People with Small Talk

Chase Amante's picture
TEXTSmall talk serves important social functions in the early conversation. Being good at it enables you to have better, more fluid conversations with those you talk to.

In our next installment in the Social Skills 101 series (see Part 1 on why basic social skills are so key here, and Part 2 on approaching unfamiliar people here), we'll talk about everyone's least favorite part of conversation, small talk.

Small talk is the bane of many an objective-oriented conversationalist, and not always for the same reasons:

  • Some loathe small talk and try to move past it or skip it entirely wherever possible

  • Others view small talk as necessary, yet become trapped in it, unable to free themselves from it

Let's discuss what small talk is, the function it serves in conversation, and how to use it without bogging down in inane conversation you can't break free of.

Pattern Interrupt: "You're Missing Something"

Chase Amante's picture
pattern interrupt missing somethingWhen a woman gets on a high horse, here’s an easy way to interrupt the pattern she’s in: point out to her that she’s missing something.

Pattern interrupts are useful tools.

They break people out of autopilot, snap them to attention, and force them to actually consider what you're saying. Without this, people may remain tuned out, reacting rather than considering, and it can be very hard to get them to do anything other than follow along with their preprogrammed behavior.

Lately I find myself using a "missing pieces" pattern interrupt increasingly often.

It's useful when dealing with opinionated people, people with their minds made up, or people attempting to lecture you about something.

In fact, the more certain someone is in his frame, the more the "missing pieces" argument interrupts his pattern.

It's therefore an almost unique tool in that the stronger the frame control of the individual you use it on, the better it is at disrupting his frame.

How's it work? Let me show you...

How to Bring Girls Into Your Reality (and Build Compliance)

Daniel Adebayo's picture
bring women into your realityFrame control is about whose world two people move within. If you can suck her into your world, you dictate the frame – and create an experience for her unlike any other.

One of the thrills of cold approach is the ‘click’ moment.

Fluff Talking with Girls (in a Productive Way)

Alek Rolstad's picture

By: Alek Rolstad

fluff talkMany guys make the mistake of asking lots of superficial questions without paying attention to what girls say.

Hey guys, and welcome back!

Today we will go over a basic technique: how to keep a conversation interesting and intriguing, garnering you bonus points. Becoming skilled at this will help you generate compliance with women.

Tactics Tuesdays: Naughty Interest Bait

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

naughty interest baitYou have something sexual you want to tell a girl or show her, but it’s inappropriate. How do you get around its impropriety? By baiting her into begging you to share it with her.

Want a simple little tactic you can use to bait girls into asking you things you couldn't/wouldn't normally be able to get away with in conversation?

Because there are some things that you really cannot just come out and drop on a girl, without it being too forward or out-of-place.

The solution, if you want to use a really forward compliment or bring up or show her something really sketchy is to lure her into asking you for it, pushing you for it, so that when you finally drop it on her, "she asked for it."

With a little good framing, this is not hard to do at all.

Note: while this tactic is simple, it requires a fair degree of calibration, and thus its use is a bit more advanced. So this will mostly be for intermediate and up guys (and really is for more advanced seducers).

Beginners may still find it interesting to read about, if purely for the psychology aspect.

Tactics Tuesdays: Reframing with Paradiastole

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

paradiastoleParadiastole is a technique for reframing criticism into trophies. That vice of yours? Hey, look on the bright side! At least it means you (something good). That’s paradiastole.

"You shouldn't say something like that to a woman!" a girl recently told me, half-tickled, half-irate. "It shows you have low EQ!"

"Well, least I'm honest," I said. "Just think how bad it'd be if I was low EQ and I wasn't honest!"

I use this kind of reframe a lot. There's a name for it: it's called 'paradiastole'.

(my EQ's pretty good, by the way)

Paradiastole is a way to reframe a criticism into something positive, in a playful and humorous way. It deflects the other person's judgment, often with a bit of moderate self-deprecation.

If you don't do this, or you don't do it enough, it's a handy little tactic you can add to your arsenal.

Level Up Your Verbal Game with Intent

Daniel Adebayo's picture
verbal game intentDisplay too much intent too soon and you may scare women off. Yet, use it well, and you can employ intent to blow past obstacles with girls you want to seduce.

Have you ever felt powerful emotions and struggled to express them?

If so, you are not alone. It’s a pesky but common challenge for many guys.

Most of us can vividly remember the first time we saw our favorite movie, but only a few can adeptly describe the feelings inspired by that almost magical experience. Perhaps you play a sport, practice a hobby, or traveled to a place that you found uniquely fantastic. Wouldn’t it be great if you could talk to girls about these topics in captivating ways?

If you had a device that could transmit the memorable emotions and sensations you enjoyed from your past experiences into the present, imagine what this could do for your interactions with gorgeous girls.

The great news is you already own this communication device.

Maybe you find yourself out of things to say in your conversations with women. Or you find it difficult to hold onto female attention in your seductions. You notice that girls start getting bored when you don’t tease or make them laugh. These are signs you haven’t learned how to use your communication device properly yet.

This device is called the seducer’s intent. You may have heard the word “intent” used in the pickup community and other dating companies.

Let’s take a closer look at this concept.

Tactics Tuesdays: How to Use Barriers to Make Girls Chase You

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

how to use barriersBarriers are a way to set up small 'walls' a woman must climb with you. In climbing these small walls, you can make a girl start to chase you.

The other day in my article on the click moment I mentioned the use of barriers.

Barriers are a tactic I've touched on only a bit before (in my article from long ago on being a challenge to women).

Today I want to go a lot more in-depth about this powerful technique.

If you're not using barriers, you're missing out on an outstanding tool to get the women you talk to chasing you.

So let's get you using them.

What to Tell a Girl to Get Her Interested in You

Allen Reyes's picture

By: Allen Reyes

what to tell a girlToo many guys mass approach instead of learning how to immerse particular girls. Use these tools to captivate her from the start.

As a beginner talking to girls, it’s a frantic scramble between a solid cold approach that works and getting her to interact with you for longer than sixty seconds. Hooking her means being able to run solid seduction skills on her at a relaxed pace while avoiding the dreaded: “Well, nice to meet you!”

In this article, I'm going to go over the structure for avoiding that “sixty seconds and you’re out of here” style of game for beginners.

For intermediates, I’m going to simplify the structure for getting her initially misdirected and intrigued to compliant.

For advanced guys who haven’t figured out a way to do this consistently, I’ll provide a better option than the hit-or-miss structure you’ve been using.

Don't Ask Women Stupid, Needy Questions

Chase Amante's picture
stupid questionsThere are these stupid, clueless, needy questions men ask women. Perhaps you've asked some yourself. Yet these questions are pure sabotage for your seductions.

This is really more for new guys than anyone else.

Though I have still sometimes seen intermediate guys making these mistakes too.

In school, you probably learned "There are no stupid questions."

Well, that might be true in school. However, in dating, it is not. Because when it comes to women, there are absolutely a lot of very stupid questions that you should not ask.

We're not talking about questions like "How old are you?" or "How many guys have you been with?" that various stern women claim men should "never ask a lady!" or that "don't matter!" on various feminist-leaning blogs or news sites around the web. Those questions are actually perfectly fine; I suggest you ask both regularly (the second works better after sex, though).

However, there exists a certain class of question that, when you ask from it, conveys a degree of neediness, uncertainty, and lack of leadership that repels women like oil does water.

These questions are the ones we can, for our purposes, safely dub stupid questions.