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I’ve been seeing more of the writers and senior members on the discussion boards reminding guys that you must assume attraction recently. This is one of those things that comes second nature when you’re farther along the path of doing great with girls, but can be an odd piece of advice to encounter when you’re new.
“Assume attraction” is a necessary ingredient in your seductions if you want those seductions to get anywhere. It’s what stops you from spending endless time deliberating about whether a girl is interested or not, whether she likes you, and whether you ought to advance things with her... or not.
What happens is that most newer guys do not assume attraction, and instead spend their time looking for signs of attraction instead (without being all that adept at reading these signs).
They are waiting for women to signal to them that they should move forward with their seductions.
Yet, for similar reasons to what we covered in “The Paradox of the Flirty Girl” for why you shouldn’t put too much stock in flirtation, if you’re sitting there trying to figure out if she likes you before you do anything, you’re going to fall flat.
You’re going to miss out on 95% of the women who really do like you.
Because most of the time, they’re going to be too busy being attracted to you to worry about signaling to you that they are.
Comments
Daytime Date Pulls
Anon-
The easiest way is to stop making girls feel like they're on dates with you.
If you totally disqualify yourself as a boyfriend and present yourself as someone she can't imagine herself dating in a million years, she won't think of meeting up with you as a "date", but rather more just meeting some attractive guy she finds intriguing. Then, when you invite her home, you're not violating any of her rules about dating... because the two of you are not dating.
Although right now, it sounds like you're not at the point yet where you should be trying to pull girls home on first dates. I'd advise checking out the article on date compression and getting your process handled there, and as you get better at dating you can cut down on the number of dates you need to go on before you invite girls home with you.
Chase
2nd date
After you asked a girl back to yours 1st date and she said no for whatever reason
Is it a good idea to setup the '2nd' date at yours as opposed to going on another date in town etc
And if she agrees what is the process to building her up to sex whilst at yours? Obviously you did all the major deep diving, setting frames etc on your first date and it didn't quite work out..
Are 2nd dates at your place a bit slower then when you say pull a girl at a club and get to sex within 10 mins. A 2nd date at your place it it about chilling out a little bit more, watching a movie, having some food etc and just talking random surface level stuff to build comfort and then starting sex a bit later?
How do you revamp up that sexuality on these kinda dates when you exhausted a lot during the first date. Ie you already know most things about her, what her dreams and passions are what she does and thinks of it, where she wants to go, you've already disqualified yourself as a
Boyfriend and shared a few stories to increase your sexual value.
So what do you do now.
Re: 2nd date
Anon-
If you had a rejected pull on Date #1, do a shorter but fun/romantic date on Date #2, and then set up the third date as a "let's cook dinner together" date at yours. If you try to schedule Date #2 at yours after trying and failing to sleep with her on Date #1, she'll be on guard the entire time and you'll have a very difficult time of it (frequently failing to close and moving farther from the goal). If you just build intrigue on Date #2, she'll start to wonder why you didn't go for it this time since you were so eager last time, and what you've got planned for the next time. Make sure you're the one who ends Date #2 first.
See this article for more on setting up your dates and escalating in this way: "Having Lots of Dates in Short Amounts of Time."
Chase
How do you make the
How do you make the transition from lover to boyfriend?
Is it possible after one night stand?
We had some fun, danced a bit, had conversation in a restaurant over a meal and then had sex at her place.
Transitioning to Boyfriend
Anon-
Keep giving her great sex, while gradually showing more provider qualities toward her as the relationship progresses, and gradually letting her take up more of your time.
Start here: "How to Start a Relationship with a New Girlfriend"...
... and end up here: "How to Make Her Love You: Passionate Love, and Old Love."
Chase
Hello, Mr. Amante. I once
Hello, Mr. Amante.
I once asked you how to talk with a girl that I confessed to, that I run from time to time on my way to school. It is only like once 3 months give or take. And I told her I want to keep reading when I met her on train, where we could have been chatting for like 30 minutes - you told me it was good thing to do. However, with my guy friends, I dont see them that often too, almost like her, and when we see each other, we have fun, crack jokes. But maybe I dont have that great friendships with them either.
I have 2 friends (1 close, 1 closer) that I see more often, but I am at point in life that I see their bad influence on me, one guy is just ... I am avoiding him right now and making excuses like this girl did and I realized, I really have to be somehow retarded that people dont want to be friends with me. Only those acquintance kind of relationships. That is what bugs me. She turned down every proposal for a meeting I had, she never proposed anything. My guess is, I am like this guy to her.
I wanted her in my life and I am not. That bugs me now. I was resigned with the fact that there will never be anything between us. I just felt hurt, so I did not want to talk to her. Because when I confessed my feelings (not love) with a letter, she told me noone has ever done anythiling like this to her, bla bla bla, I thought I am at least somehow important to her. But as I said, she seems like she does not want me in her life when she was not in person with me. For anything. I never had any female friends. I read the article about it... I am maybe her cushion, for validation. But I guess with Facebook and these things, she does not need this from me, she can get this from anyone. But I keep telling myself these days while thinking about it more, that maybe she has all the friends she needs. When she runs into me, she is great but I always feel like it is acting from her.
I guess I missed out when I was in high school, where I should have bonded more with people, go out, have more fun. I have obligations now, they do too and my "friend needs" are not really met. And my analysis tells me this is the root of the problem with this girl. And that at the end, I have only one option which brings up following question.
Do I just need to upgrade myself so much people want to be around me, keep me in their lifes? That I just need to offer them something special? Not because of this girl, that is lost cause, but in general.
Thank you and have a nice day.
Making Friends
Anon-
Make sure you read this article if you haven't yet:
If you're finding that you're just not very interested, and people aren't very interested in you, then yes - start doing more interesting and cool things. Learn snowboarding. Take up tennis. Get good at salsa dancing. Go skydiving. Go to parties with people from school or happy hour with people from work. Take every opportunity you can to do more cool and interesting things that are going to be great experiences for you and excellent conversation fodder.
Once you're doing these things, you'll tend to meet other people doing them and make friends through your shared interests that way. You'll also get exposed to a wide range of different people and come to understand people better and improve at general socializing, which is going to be important for making friends with all types.
Just think of it this way: the more cool and somewhat-social stuff you do, the more attractive you become as a friend and the faster you level up your social skills through sheer exposure to lots of different people.
Chase
cat string theory
I realize that I'm terrified of showing interest towards a girl even in a relationship because of all the pickup gurus saying that I need to play hard to get and be unpredictable or else the girl will get bored and lose attraction. I know that this mentality has made me very insecure and I lost my last girl due to indecision, and also that some guys show a lot of interest successfully. I notice that some girls are dating unexciting guys so maybe it depends on the girl, but can you provide some context regarding the "cat string theory?"
Re: cat string theory
Anon-
"Cat string theory" was just Mystery's way of saying that women (people) want those interesting things that are just outside of their reach. It's another way of saying that women are most attracted to men who are on the lower limit of what they find attainable - those men who are attainable, but just barely.
I get the feeling you're probably naturally a more emotional guy who'd prefer to show a girl how he feels... I'm of two minds on the best advice to give someone of your disposition. On the one hand, you'll have the stablest relationships when you're maintaining a dynamic of you being slightly less invested in the relationship than the woman is. On the other hand, when you're a naturally expressive guy, this can be like caging a wild bird, and it's almost torture in a way. You need the emotional ups and downs. (if you're not that expressive a guy and you've just been overly stiff in how you are in relationships, forgive the misread - in this case, feel free to just dial up your expressiveness to one notch below your girl's)
I've seen emotional men run successful relationships with stolid women; essentially, as an emotional guy, you need a woman who can serve as the "rock" to your crashing tidal waves, and you can still be fairly in control just because you are so dynamic. This'd be the dynamic where you just let your emotions run wild, and that'll scare off some girls but attract some others who need a lively partner to complement their more steady selves.
Chase
Married Woman
Hi Chase, I recently saw this married woman that I had run into one time before maybe a month ago at a local farmers market. This time it was at a local restaurant. It's funny because maybe 2 minutes before I was thinking how it was funny that singles are more attracted to people who were in a relationship, and those in a relationship more attracted to singles.
Anyways, we were walking in at same time, I held the door open for her and said hi to her right away and asked where her other children were because last time she had a few, this time only one, and she said it was a friends children before she only has one.
She was picking up food to go originally, I took a seat and then she basically took the table right next to me and decided to eat there with her "to go" packed food. A minute or two later she says "excuse me" , I figured she was talking to a worker, but then she did it again so I turned to her and she asked me where I work here or what do I do here. I answered her and then got up and stood by her table to talk to her and be a bit closer. We talked for a bit, both seemed attracted to each other, she gave me her business card after I introduced myself and was ready to go back to my table.
We talked a lot more while both seated across from each other, definitely have a lot in common and I do feel she wants me to sleep with her. The only mistake I made was not being clear that I wanted to see her again privately right then and there. She made a comment at the end like well maybe I'll run into you at x and x restaurant or here or there. I told her we'll keep in touch. Instead of just leaving after she paid her bill, she walked over to me put out her hand and gave me a kiss on the cheek.
I'm not exactly sure how you play this situation when you have a married woman with 6 or 7 year old child with her. I'm basically going to call her tomorrow and let her know that I enjoyed our conversation and would like to see her again some time soon for a drink. Maybe she's just a friendly real estate agent type who enjoys networking, but I really don't think that's what it was. I'm 26 and she's probably in her later 30s, super attractive czech, blond hair , blue eyes and great body. I know she was obviously investing in me.
She made a comment at the end right before leaving that she was originally picking up food to go but her soon was so hungry so she decided to eat there. I think that was BS and she just wanted to stay and try to pursue me. Anyways, hoping I can bed this hottie, nothing to lose in trying. Was just wondering what you think the best coarse of action is at this point. I feel like going to a drink in a more private place would be best, since she's married. Hope you can let me know. Thanks for all your work.
Re: Married Woman
Anon-
I tend to draw the line personally at married women who have children and aren't in the process of divorcing. That is, if she has kids and plans on staying married, and it isn't otherwise an open marriage or anything like that, I'd steer clear, just because the potential damage to the children here is so great.
I don't know how well you know her or her situation; whether you're assuming she's married just because she has children, or she's mentioned it, or wears a ring, etc. If it's the case that she's not married and you just misread it, or she's going through a divorce, you're often going to be fine just inviting her over for a drink, yes, because women in these positions tend to be more direct and less concerned with keeping up appearances of being hard-to-get; also, with the age difference, she knows you're not going to be a husband or a father to her children.
If she IS married and not planning on going anywhere though... I'd urge you to reconsider. If the guy's not giving his woman what he needs to hold onto her (or he's just picked a woman that isn't going to be faithful no matter what), that's one thing; but if there are children in the picture who can have their lives derailed as a result of their mother having a fling, that's not one you want to get involved with.
Chase
Does fame fall more into the
Does fame fall more into the lover or provider category? Is it more complex than that?
Fame
Jay-
Yes - fame's essentially preselection and social proof on steroids - the more of it you've got, the more women get nervous, hot, and bothered around you.
It doesn't entirely preclude you from being a provider. If you're only marginally famous, but have a lot of provider value as well, you can still fall somewhat into the boyfriend/husband bucket.
Chase
Types of/Impacts of Girlfriends
Hey Chase,
I think you’ve mentioned in the past that you’ll always try to have a girlfriend or be in a relationship (or will have a girlfriend at hand) even while dating multiple girls (feel like you mentioned this somewhere at some point)?
I’ve been sort of conjecturing lately that (if you verified this it would validate my thoughts) it would be good to have some sort of primary girlfriend-esque girl (one or another) to myself all the time. I’ve sort of seen a pattern: when I’d been dating a great girl who is supportive and like-minded and understands me well and I can talk intently to, it’s helped me gain insights/support that I really loved. It’s funny because the girlfriend might not be that exceptionally smart or ingenious or wise (as a really bright/productive friend or mentor of mine may be) but may understand something about me or point something out to me (a characteristic within me or an idea I may not have considered or a solution to a problem etc.) that ends up perfect, ingenious, and just tremendously insightful, seemingly more so (at times) then I could get from any friend or mentor.
Having a good partner is essential to a successful life and making big wins right (so if you could have a girlfriend-material girl to yourself all the time this would help that I would guess)?
I had another question, this one about the types of girls I like to date. I asked myself this and couldn’t fully answer the question. I am into girls that are conservative (education wise), straight thinkers (not really airy or philosophical like I can be at times), and good students that want to go on to get their masters and doctorate degrees; why am I into these girls when I myself am so critical of and not interested in school (trying to become a successful startup guy/rich at a young age college dropout; I’ve always been rebellious, fuck-school minded to some degree, more lately than in the past).
I’m not sure; I like these rational, go-getting girls with great potential or established great careers but who are on a conventional path. Also, I like when I can talk to these girls about deeper things/philosophical topics but don’t like this with other art, or philosophy or liberal studies type girls. I seem to be really into girls that are in something high-paying/practical such as lawyers or architects or doctors; to contrast this, for example, I dated two girls who were musicians in the past. I could talk very deeply to both but they were different from the rational girls in that they were more feely/sympathetic/liberal and emotional not in a clingy way but on a visceral level sort of (that I think they had to be to be as good as they were at their music).
If the ideal mate for a guy is a complimentary opposite, then for me that would be a girl that is more stable and constant and rational (and not philosophical/risk-taking/troublemaker/business-minded/unconventional like me)?
This is my theory; I think that’s it, that maybe I need a stable, conventional girl (if you’re the unconventional type) to keep me grounded and be that complimentary opposite who gets me but is different in that many of her strong points are my weak points. I feel it’s a good thing; you could say these girls keep me grounded and sort of help pin my feet down while my head floats about in the clouds.
Maybe you understand all this; if I had to guess, (as a last thought) I would guess that I wouldn’t be into an entrepreneurial, unconventional sort of girl (who was exactly like me) either.
Curious on your thoughts,
-Gem
Re: Types of/Impacts of Girlfriends
Gem-
Right - I always like having a primary for all those reasons you listed. I like girls who will call me on my own bullshit, and have had many great girlfriends talk me out of doing stupid things or into doing smart things. A good girlfriend is extremely valuable. Though, every time I’m 100% single (pretty rare) I tell myself I’m going to stay that way for a while just to see what it’s like… and then I meet another dream girl and that resolution goes out the window. Could just be a dispositional thing. I just like having women around and when I meet a great girl I don’t see any reason why I shouldn’t keep seeing her.
On the type of girl you like - occasionally I’ll ask myself the same thing. I almost dropped out of school a few times (stuck it out all the way through university though), and though sometimes I think it’d be cool to go back and get a graduate degree or PhD for the prestige, I just can’t see plowing another 2+ years into that when I can be building things instead. I think for me at least these sorts of girls serve as a good foil - I tend toward grand dreams and visions, and want to embark on expansive projects, and an educated girl with both of her feet on the ground usually has enough of a practical mindset that’s forward-looking (the more highly educated a girl is, the more future time-oriented she becomes) and astute enough that she can hold her own in a debate with me, which isn’t the easiest thing to do in the world.
I’m also not inclined to artsy / philosophy girls… I like philosophy, and I’ve always been creative, but I’m not one for talking about the metaphysical stars have aligned such that the ninth moon of Neptune is in Pluto’s house therefore let’s all get naked and do a rain dance and put removable tattoos on our bodies. I find the occult interesting, but more from a skeptical / theoretical / exploratory perspective than from a, “Wow man, it’s reeeeealll! Let’s drop acid,” point of view. I’ve just never had much tolerance for this kind of person in general… they feel like they’re off in la-la land to me. Even the milder ones.
I think it’s a “when you are a doer” kind of thing - you want to do, you want to build, that means your feet are pretty firmly planted on the Earth. You might have things you want to accomplish and they might be hopelessly grand (I’ve realized that almost everyone on the Girls Chase discussion boards plans to live forever and rule the world someday), but these things will tend to be rooted in Earthly matters like building wealth and power and alliances, and very different from spiritual things like getting in touch with your nature side or getting your chakras aligned (likewise, the people who are into those things tend to think the more Earthly wealth-power-contribution people are far too narrow-minded and limited in their focuses… and perhaps we are).
The final consideration for relationships is competing ambitions; when you’re trying to build something, it requires all of your focus, plus the support of your partner. If you’re with an educated but otherwise conventional gal, she can give you that. If she’s busy being unconventional and building something on her own, she can’t be; rather, she needs your support.
Thus, you will notice that unconventional men tend to attract relatively conventional women who can help support their causes, while unconventional women tend to attract relatively conventional men who can help support their causes. And plenty of conventional men and women end up with one another because there are just so many of them, while unconventional men and women may occasionally have some explosive sexual encounters, but they’ll very rarely end up together as partners because they simply don’t fit what one another needs from someone in that role.
Chase
Hey Chase, I am the guy who
Hey Chase,
I am the guy who ask aboout men trying to tool, those articles you linked are eye-openers but like what if the guy is already in the group of chicks;like he is a friend, and then tries to tool me in front of them, like he gets my attention by calling out my name, and then says something to try an tool me, what should I do then?
thanks
Guy Trying to Tool You in Group
Anon-
Well, I'm not totally clear on the specifics of the situation, but if he's calling your name and you're speaking to someone else, you should not be breaking circle. Just let him keep calling your name while you ignore him and he will tool himself.
Chase
Chase, you have a lot of
Chase, you have a lot of great articles about talking to women or guys one on one, but in situations like parties, clubs, social outing you should make one about group talking when there are more than 3 people, and not just the goal of being in a group to get a girl, but how to mesh in with a group, how to control it,add to it, and bring energy to the group cause I want to get good with groups just so I can have fun in groups and not worry so much, deep talking is not suitable for it and bores people.
Since I know the article will take a long time, do you have some simple tips to start?
Life of the Party
Anon-
Have you read this article?:
For some added details (more focused on women than socializing in particular), these might also be worthwhile reads:
Chase
interesting approach
it's the most interesting article for me this year so far. One question - I've noticed that when you play it soft with girls and they want to reject you, they want to do it in a subtle and non-offensive way. I'm not saying I like when people walk on the eggshells around me, but when I make my game more agressive, people generally reject you more agressively too. It's looks like they want to see your grin disappear. I've noticed I sort of don't know how to act in such a case. I become angry.
What do you do when a girl rejects you and she does it in an cruel way only to show you that you have no right to be so confident?
I used to respond to them trying to dick back but now I've started to go the higher way and just ignore them completely no matter what I hear.
Rejection
Steven-
Have you read the article on what to do when a girl rejects you? It's not fun of course, especially not when the rejection is hard, but the best path is having a sense of humor about it.
If you get angry, the girl who rejected you and everyone else around her is going to say, "Wow, she was RIGHT to reject that guy."
But if you smile, laugh, shrug your eyebrows, and act amused, sometimes you'll meet a girl immediately after that, and wonder if she's talking to you now because she saw how you took that rejection and was impressed (I'm almost certain this is why this happens, at least some of the time).
Just imagine your favorite cool, smooth movie actor dealing with rejection; he'll slap a shit-eating grin on his face, shrug his eyebrows about it, and then carry on with his business. It's all part of the game.
Chase
Big Problem.
Hey Chase. Hope you can get what I'm trying to say... Everytime I go out on weekends and when something good happens, like this weekend I went out and met a girl that I cold approached and got in a makeout and all, but after we left eachother(she was from another place) and as I was preparing to go back to work/school the next day, it'll be like I'm in depression and I got a bad feeling in my chest/stomach. This happens after a good weekend which is followed by work/school, this is really bugging me so hopefully you can give me some advice through a comment. Also, how much should you care and give advice to a girl when she tells you her rough life and all. Thanks.
Crashing After a High
Anon-
When you're crashing after an emotional high, it tends to be because your subconscious doesn't believe you'll be able to repeat that feat anytime soon (or ever). This goes away as you become more experienced and get increasingly confident in your ability to make the things you want to have happen happen with regular consistency - you get neither the highs ("Wow, I can't believe I'm doing it!") nor the lows ("Who knows if I'll ever pull that off again"). Instead, you're just calm and content ("Of course I did that - I always do").
If you want a girl solely as a female friend, or if she's a long-term girlfriend of hers, it's good to give her some support and advice and a bit of a shoulder to lean on, but don't go out of your way trying to fix her life for her. Ask her some questions that might help her figure out things that are confusing to her, and suggest some courses of action for her to take that will put her on the right path if she takes them, but don't go trying to fix her life for her unless you want to get sucked into perpetual white knighting with her coming to depend on you doing things for her and getting resentful if you don't.
If you're not sexual with her yet but want or intend to be, don't get sucked into helping her solve problems. When she talks with you about them, reduce your eye contact and act more bored. If you commiserate, do so verbally but with a neutral voice tone ("Wow, that's really horrible," said with a mostly-flat tone). Don't encourage her to talk about it anymore than she already is. Get off the subject as soon as you can. Lovers bring good emotions into her life; her platonic friends are the ones who get to soak up all the nasty leftovers. Don't inadvertently paint yourself as one of the latter by trying to save her.
Chase
Article
Great article! Thanks for all contribution.
Something wrong with posting comments
hey chase, when trying to post comments from my phone the website won't let me and it tells me there's something wrong with my forum and i have to wait one million seconds to post again. I've waited three days and it says the same thing.
Day game more success?/ No more games
Chase, did I just read that you said day game has a higher success rate than night? I'm kind of surprised because girls go out mostly to sleep with men at night. But I could understand why you would have more success because there are no club queens that just want attention during the day( well maybe the girls in yoga pants, maybe they're attention whores).
1.So if I'm already having good success at night and club game, would that make it easier for me during the day?
Chase, I'm really at the point right now where i really want to start doing day game.
I have done it before, but only twice. One was good, the other the chick got scared because it was dark and im a big black dude.
Anyway, my situation right now is pretty "dry", all im doing now with my life is going to school online. I don't have a car and you can't walk anywhere here. So meeting women is extremely difficult for the day, I go to the club, but like you said the success rate sucks, when I go out during the day, im with people and I rarely go to areas with a high rate of chicks. I think the biggest problem is when im at the mall or grocery store, it's hard to approach because; 1. Im with people and 2. I go to these places at random times and I can't get a feel for the place( basically what im saying is im not there to approach, im there to get groceries, so the approaching thing is secondary. Let me know if this is right.)
So im in a pretty shitty situation. I don't have my own crib either. So what can I do to help myself do day game and start getting these lays up?
I'm really dead serious about this, I have to start soon. Im in my early twenties and I feel old for this and time will pass and ill even be more older. Help me get started Chase.
Thanks bro
Day Game
Balla-
Sorry about the comments. That should be fixed now.
Day’s easier once you get used to it, but it can be a bit of a tough transition from night game… it’s easier to approach in the darkness of the club than in broad daylight when everyone’s going to be able to hear what you say and see if you get spurned. Once you overcome anxieties about approaching during the day though, you’ll almost certainly find you clean up - and with a higher caliber of woman - more during the day than you do at night. Your skills from night will translate pretty well to day, so long as you remember to speed up your interactions and assume that most women won’t wait around long and are in a hurry.
The barrier to overcome with daytime is the “it doesn’t feel right to approach right now” feeling. If you think back on when you first started approaching in clubs, you can probably remember feeling the same thing there. You’ve just got to plow past it and get used to approaching in random places during the day, and you’ll stop getting this feeling.
If you don’t have your place, it isn’t the end of the world; friends of mine in a similar position have used it as an opportunity to get really good at going to her place or having sex in unusual locations. There’s plenty of opportunity there - you’ve just got to find it.
Chase
Found my girl is naughty one too.. Now What I want to do.. ?
Hi chase..,
Well.. I need your help badly now. I don't know whether you have ever experienced this kind of situation in your life, but I feel you are the one who can give me some kinda advice.
I have been in a long-term relationship for a while now. I need to say, it has been a great one so far. But here is the story,
She is a really good girl, I have to say..., very positive, very challenging, never like to loose, always want to win, lot of good qualities with her.
Yesterday, we were talking about sex and suddenly she said something that I have never heard from her so far. To be honest, it made me really nervous. (From that point, I am still nervous) But I didn't show anything to her though lot of thoughts were going around my mind. Most of what she said regarding BDSM. To be honest, I don't know whether she knows about BDSM. Ya, Still I really don't think so. But I had never thought before, she would have such dirty sexual fantasies. (I read your article "7 Reasons Why All Girls are Naughty Girls" , Ya I completely agree with you, may be "not" before, but now definitely "yes", they all are naughties. )
Before that she was such an innocent girl, little bit shy one (I think, it is mostly because of her family background), well here is my problem though.
When she talked about it, to be honest I had no idea how to handle it, so I kept my calmness and said to myself , "Okay, this is a good chance to open up her little more than ever before, so, don't try to judge her thoughts, just help her to open up bit more... " Well, I don't know whether it was the best thing to do at that point, but it opened her more.
It surprised me even more, because, most of her fantasies seems to be regarding femdom I guess.. like goddess worship, her being master, me being slave like that.. Actually she said lot that I had never thought. I thought before, men are the ones into fetishism, but I was wrong, I guess.
The surprise factor is, as you have mentioned in your article "7 Reasons Why All Girls are Naughty Girls" before, she really like to be submissive to me in the bed, she really likes me giving her rough, dominant sex ..she is pretty clear about that. but yet, what I have realized is, deep inside of her heart craves something else too.
There is something deep inside her heart.. trying to pop out..
She said that she has been fantasizing about them for a long period of time now. She also said that she needs do them for fun only, she said that she needs me to be in charge always.
Well, when you and other writers here, teach us, lead us, train us, motivate us to be dominant, be in charge in relationship always.. now how can I balance this.. ?
Well, when lot of guys trying to figure out how to open their girl's nasty, naughty side, well.. I succeeded it though. Now how someone can handle this, when you open her that kind of nasty side (Like femdom)..
I totally stuck here.. In your article "7 Reasons Why All Girls are Naughty Girls", you have mentioned, some girls have anal sex fantasies – both receiving and giving (with a strap-on). Wonder whether she has that one too.. Well I can give her for sure, but surely I can't receive though. I always have issues with my rectum. :-)
Well.. What I want to point out you is, when you open up a girl's naughty side and when she fantasizes to be dominant in the bed, how do you handle that.. ?
If you are in my situation, (Like where I am in now, in a long-term relationship with a girl)how do you handle this, without hurting to her feelings, and maintaining your dominance, how do you balance this.. ?
Well.. I need to tell you that I don't think that her fantasies are bad or wrong something like that. But agreeing to do them so, it makes sense that it may damage my ego of being dominant , in charge.
I don't know how to explain this.. My native language is not English also. I tried my best to explain you.
Please be kind to give me some advices.
Thank you.
Handling a Girlfriend's Sexual Fantasies
Anon-
Good of you to stay calm, even though it surprised you. When you're coming from a more conservative background, the first time a girl starts admitting to naughty fantasies it can be a bit jarring, especially if you thought of her as a "good girl." Don't worry though... once a couple of girls have done this with you, you come to expect it, and it isn't surprising at all.
As for fantasies, it's best just to tell her, "We can do that," or, "No [laughing], we are NOT going to do that!" Have a good sense of humor about it if it's the latter.
I tend to date pretty dominant women, because I'm a pretty dominant guy and dominant women become relatively submissive around me, while submissive women just break and submit completely and can't hold my interest. So I've dealt with numerous dominant women having sexual fantasies of wanting to be dominant, and you're fine dismissing these so long as you can dominate them sexually and give them great pleasure.
As an example, I had a relatively inexperienced-but-dominant girlfriend to whom I gave her first experience receiving anal sex, and she enjoyed it immensely. Afterward, she told me she wanted to try putting on a strap-on and giving ME anal sex. I just laughed and told her no honey, not gonna happen, but we can get another girl and you can do it to her! She protested and whined for a minute or two, but other than that there was no impact on our sex life or relationship, and she continued sharing other sexual fantasies with me, and those I was fine with we did, and those that weren't my cup of tea we didn't. So long as you're confident and dominant in how you turn down a specific request, and don't seem nervous or insecure, most women won't press you on these any further.
Chase
Anal sex and inner disgust towards feces
Hey Chase,
I was wondering, I have an inner disgust for feces but still would like to try anal.
I guess many, if not most people, do have a strong disgust for feces but their willingness for anal sex is great than repulsion so they just do it.
With a condom I might overcome it, I wonder if some girls might take it personally that you want to use a condom, guessing it is out of disgust?
Shower sex Trick
Hey Lu,
One trick I use is to first take a shower with a girl rub soap or body wash all over her body. Clean her anus area, that way you know its clean. The best part is she's horny and you know that her anus is clean. I will however encourage using a condom to promote safe sex. Girls won't be disgusted that you want to use a condom because a good number of girls like the idea of safe sex. If you don't want to use a condom and are worried that some girls attempt to take it personally that you want to use a condom, just tell them you believe in safe sex. That should end the chances of her taking it personally.
Take care,
Just Dave
Playful/Fun
Hey Chase, another awesome article! Excluding your article on it, any tips on how to be or being playful and fun? Thanks a lot!
Re: Playful/Fun
Anon-
Aside from these:
... I've nothing else to add for the moment!
Chase
Embarrassing things
Thanks chase for the replies, but I'll be a little more descriptive about getting embarrassed. In today's day and age people love to clown one another. In the real world and especially social media. I'm mostly talking about two things, because I feel this would mess you up with females.
1. I'm mostly talking about things I see on the internet daily, of guys getting exposed, It's crazy. Say if a girl took a picture of you eating her out, eating her butt, sucking her toes,or doing something freaky and nasty to her. How do you come back from that? I know you can be nonchalant about it, but won't that ruin your chances with girls? Girls don't want to see a guy doing something like that and want to hook up with him let alone kiss him. How does a person come back from that and get girls?( I know you'll say talk to new girls, but how do you handle this situation if it's publicly known.)
2. If a bitter ex-girl went around telling other girls lies about you. Like you're violent, you have an std, you know stuff to make girls not want you. How do you beat that?
3. What if someone tells girls you can't fight or a punk, but it's not true. Won't they be turned off if they hear your weak and think your a pushover? How do you make it known it was a lie to make you look bad when you're really a strong person and they just want to make you look bad?
Thanks.
Re: Embarrassing things
Wolf-
I’d think if a picture circulated of you licking a girl’s anus or sucking on her toes that’d be a good thing. Anytime anyone brought it up in front a girl you liked, all you’ve got to do is say, “I admit it - I’ll do ANYTHING in bed for a woman,” and smile and wink and go about your business. You’ve automatically just elevated your status as #1 in your group of guys in terms of which one’s most likely to be the best lay in the minds of every woman present.
As for #s 2 and 3, fundamentals trump all. If I go around telling people you’re a punk, and then you walk in and everything about you reeks power, success, attractiveness, and dominance, the only one who looks like a punk there is me.
Handle your fundamentals. Everything else will take care of itself.
Chase
Girl Unaffedtionate
Sup!
Great stuff man. I have a quick scenario I would love some help with. I recently met a girl at the library around 2 weeks ago. We had an incredible connection from the time I began talking with her. After we got coffee later that night, she came over and we discovered how compatible we were! We hung out at my place a few time but each time she refused to have sex, saying she didn't want to rush anything. She continued to tell me how she is not an affectionate girl and does not enjoy cuddling or hand holding and the like. A few nights ago we had sex and I sent her a text in the morning, did not change how i interacted with her and was very dominant in bed. However, she used to be very excited to text me, only a few texts a day, and was wanting to hang out. After we had sex she has gotten much colder than usual and has not been overly excited to talk to me. I know she orgasmed during sex and I as usual put her pleasure before mine. I guess I just need some advise on how to keep this going. Should i distance myself and make her chase? I have a feeling that'll leave her questioning my motives and make me seem like all I want is sex when in reality I have strong feelings toward this girl!
Thanks man! Any help would be incredible!
Aloofness After Sex
Anon-
Sounds like (from her actions before... slowing things down, making you wait) she was expecting a relationship out of you, and the sex left her feeling like you weren't going to deliver it or didn't feel the same about her, however you ended that night. See these articles for troubleshooting:
As for with this one specifically, I'd just call her and ask her what's up. You should be able to get a feel for whether she feels genuinely insulted or slighted in some way (in which case, you ought to invite her out to a restaurant or something non-sexual that'll be neutral ground, if you want to keep seeing her), or if she's playing some game designed to make you chase, in which case you're better off pulling away from her and letting her realize you won't do the chasing and now she's got to make an aboutface if she doesn't want to lose you.
My bet'd be it's the former though, and she thought you were going to be her partner, but now has become disillusioned with you for whatever reason. You need to meet up with her in a non-sexual environment and communicate that you do genuinely like her and would like to keep seeing her.
Chase
Chase if a girl's naturally
Chase if a girl's naturally flirty and high energy around you (but not only you) and you imply you might be into her and and she dials it down what does it mean?
Yesterday I was talking ti a group of girls and she was there and I used the word 'sexually' and didn't look at her right away but held my eyes on another girl and slowly turned my face toward her and she quickly looked away what she naturally never does.
Can it be that she likes me or she wants to imply she's not interested?
Flirty Girl, Exposed
Anon-
Typically means she's not interested, unfortunately; see this article: "The Paradox of the Flirty Girl."
Chase
Finding Quality Girls
Thanks for the thorough reply Chase. I noticed that you haven’t gotten to the last few questions and thought I’d take advantage of that and ask a very important question to you (relevant to the previous comment).
I have a long running list (that I add to each time I date a new girl and find a major or minor that I like or dislike) of all the various large and small qualities that I like in a girl (many of them being deal-breakers, such as if girl isn’t serious about career, or her health etc.).
Chase if we’re into the same kind of girl, where are good places to consistently run into this types of girl. What works for you, where do you go to meet girls, and how do you (and how can I) consistently run into that primary/dreamgirl type enough to always have a primary girl?
I want to be able to regularly find that type of girl who meets all my requirements and really adds value to my life and to my endeavors (through her support). Out of the various places I approach regularly or have approached a few times in the past, I seem to find the highest all around value girls at gym and peak university hours (but neither of these places has many of this girl; instead, I have to keep my eyes peeled for the beautiful girls, approach a lot and go through many before I find the odd anomaly high value girl I’m looking for). At clubs and parties, it’s very easy for me to get my dick wet, but the girls are promiscuous and I typically don’t find any long-term value girls there. Walking street approach and library approaches I’ll do but they can be a crapshoot sort of (regular hours of university) and the girls can be decent or good or all right or “oh boy do I love starbucks and uggs!” haha.
One variable that I think I need to consider is neighborhood (perhaps a wealthier neighborhood or city would have more of the type of girl I’m looking for). My hometown is lower-middle class and majority Hispanic; the girls I’ve grown up with are good looking but smoke and drink and are lower status (though very good looking, even into their 30’s).
I’m looking to try some bookstores soon (in a wealthier area like LA maybe; my city has no bookstores sadly) and bars when I’m old enough (a year later i.e. a million years later).
I’ve gotten a couple new lays recently (some new techniques with visualization have been helping me notice pretty girls at a really highly efficient rate) but don’t feel content by laying average girls (I feel like I could move to NYC tomorrow and work to get a new lay per day; but I want quality relationships too and to have the girls I really want in my life) and have been wanting to be able to regularly get a high value girl/have one in my life.
One last thing that’s relevant here I feel (that I wanted to close with) is that I think it’s important for me now at this present moment to get a system down (of finding high value women all the time). I’ve heard it said that when you’re new at something its good try a lot of new things and get your feet wet and gradually develop a base level of skill from which you can proceed. I think now that I’m at a rough intermediate level, my “noob gains” (so to say) are gone, and it would be valuable and extremely beneficial for me now to get a solid system down, make the gradual progress that I can on it, tweak a thing or two if needed, but otherwise stick to the system (for the most part) and keep slowly ascending up the seduction skill-level graph till I peak at a skill level that’s high enough for me to be satisfied.
-Gem
Re: Finding Quality Girls
Gem-
No SUPER consistent place for finding high caliber girls, I'm afraid, though there are some tricks. When I was still open to dating girls I met in nightclubs, I had fairly good luck meeting the odd high caliber girl here and there in clubs / lounges that attract professional mid- to late-20-something crowds; sometimes you will find girls there who've gotten educated and have good careers and have never really clubbed before, but they're reaching an age where they're starting to feel the squeeze of Mother Nature and they want to start casting the net wider to see what they can catch. Those are the kinds of girls I usually used to date from nightclubs.
One of my screening criteria is a girl must have her master's degree if she's to be a girlfriend of mine, so I tend to find this out pretty early on into a conversation with a girl I have good initial chemistry with, and if she has it I'll note her down as a potential and screen her harder; if she doesn't, I'll just do standard deep diving to see if I can pull her. I mostly meet girls on the street or in transit these days, and that is hit or miss; however, I'm particularly attracted to women in business attire (just looks very sexy to me), and find this helps my screening efforts... a beautiful girl in tight, sexy, fashionable business clothes that I'm meeting on the street or in transit at rush hour has a relatively high chance of holding down a good job and having a good education. If I see a girl in non-business clothes, or in low-grade business code with a lanyard or namecard, unless she's otherwise very fashionable or very well made-up or has something about her that signals intelligence or lots of personality to me, I won't even approach unless I really just want to get laid, because I know she's almost certainly in retail or sales and that puts a cap on her intellect (and a lot of other qualities).
Chase
Two questions on attraction
Hi Chase,
I have two questions and believe me, no guru yet was able (or willing) to give an answer. And honestly, your website has answers I haven't found anywhere else.
Imagine an average-looking man like you and me. He's ok with his fundamentals, confident, witty, just like a man who knows your great website. And he goes for women who are just for him. Now...
1) How many women is he able to attract? 60% ? 70% ?
2) What are the reasons why the other women are not attracted? Not her type? Reminding of her ex? Or just a bad day or her nervousness?
David
Telling me to assume
Telling me to assume attraction with any woman is basically advising me to risk being accused of harassment. No woman could ever want me because I am fundamentally unattractive and totally unlovable - I know this and so leave women alone. I'm 38 and have never held hands with anyone, been kissed or even had a woman smile at me - they're not interested at all. As such, I've never asked any woman out because rejection is always guaranteed.
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