How to Avoid Making the Same Mistake Twice


If you’ve spent any amount of time learning pickup, then you know that you’re bound to make countless mistakes. We’ve all been through the same exact process, as you need to make mistakes in order to make progress.

Progression is necessary to finally get the results that you want. Progression, however, comes at a different pace for different people.

Some men progress through this material at a lightning fast pace, going from zero to hero within mere months.

... meanwhile, others, while exerting similar or even greater effort towards becoming attractive men who are irresistible to women, are just not getting the results they desire.

same mistake twice

What is the primary difference between these men? The man who progresses quickly doesn’t make the same mistake twice, while the man who is stuck continues to make the same exact mistakes over and over again. As a result, he feels marooned on an ideological island with no escape.

How do you become the man that doesn’t make the same mistake twice? How do you bolt through this material and rack up lay after lay, shocking even your closest friends with the rapid progression you’ve made? I could just tell you to not make the same mistakes twice. But I know that there is more to the puzzle, as most guys are boggled when it comes to avoiding making these mistakes over and over again.

You see, most guys just don’t know when or how they’ve made a mistake. They can feel that something is wrong, but it’s very difficult to pinpoint the exact cause of the mistake. Without knowledge of how the mistake came about, you’re just throwing darts in the dark, trying to yank some progress kicking and screaming out of your unknown mistakes.

It’s time to turn on the lights so that you can finally get the results that you've been dreaming of.


How to Figure Out the Mistakes You’ve Made

Recognizing signs that show you’ve made a mistake is vital to moving forward in learning how to progress with women.

Unfortunately, this can be just as difficult to point out as it is to learn these techniques.

Even talented naturals cannot point out the specific mistakes that a guy has made. But once you’ve learned to figure out how to recognize a mistake within seconds of making it, you’re put on the fast track to success.

It has always been quite natural for me to point out my own mistakes. I’ve been actively trying to figure out the mistakes that I’ve made ever since I was in time-out as a boy in grade school. The teachers would tell me, “Now think about what you’ve done.” And, low and behold, that’s exactly what I did. I would sit there without pouting and figure out what exactly landed me in time out, because I wanted to be out on the playground playing with my friends.

And you know what? I rarely make the same mistakes twice because of this attitude. If I fail to reach whatever goal I want to succeed in, I take a moment and look at what it is that has gone wrong in the system.

But, for some reason, applying this same reasoning towards my conversations with women was extremely difficult.

With women, relationships, and socializing, you can’t use the same cause-and-effect strategy, because it just won’t work. I’d try a million different methods of texting women, and I would still not get the results that I was after. I’d use different pickup lines and jokes, but none of that worked either.

The reason that you cannot use the trial-under-fire strategy to much effect in your interactions with women is because seduction isn’t a logical game; it’s an emotional one. You can be logically sound, but you won’t get women if you’re constantly in emotional states that work against your goals. Some of these states include:

These are the same emotional states that men are unable to escape, and being trapped in them is slowing and damaging their progress. They can try to spin how they’re saying something a million ways, but if they don’t escape their detrimental mental models they’ll keep playing a rigged game.

Now, I must admit, before coming to this website I encountered a few of those problems. Slowly but surely the veil was lifted; and I was able to open all the doors which had been previously blocking my path.

While the doors can open, it’s still a challenge to progress. Mistakes still need to be made for progress, and even with a clear head mistakes can be made twice, or even more than twice. Once you’ve gotten any pre-existing conditions out of the way, it’s time to get to work in understanding the emotions that signify whether or not you’ve made a mistake. And if there’s one thing that’s tricky, it’s emotions.


Understand How She Displays Emotions

Emotions; everyone’s got them, but everyone uses them in different ways. Understanding emotions is vital to avoiding mistakes, as you need to have a good grasp of the situation at hand in order to properly reflect on your interactions.

The tricky part with emotions is that they’re extremely subjective. One woman’s smile may mean that she is happy; another woman may smile because she’s nervous and uncomfortable.

same mistake twice

Each and every woman is unique, which is why you need to stay vigilant and pay attention to the entire picture.

But is that really all? Do you just pay attention to how she’s reacting to things in order to understand where you’ve made the mistake? For example, would the following example be an ‘acceptable’ reflection?

John is trying to deep dive with Ashley in order to form a connection.

John: So, Ashley, do you really enjoy your job as a journalist? You must be quite the opinionated girl.

Ashley: [excited] Yeah, I really am opinionated, which is why I feel it’s such a good fit.

John: Must be annoying to constantly have to argue with others about your opinion.

Ashley: [annoyed] Well, yeah, they can get annoying. I hate when they do this [Ashley goes on a rant].

John then reflects during the rant on what he’s said. He eventually realizes that he got Ashley onto a negative topic by talking about people arguing with her about her own opinion, and quickly gets her back on the right track.

John realized his mistake, and corrected it. Unfortunately, this is not an acceptable reflection, as he’s left out one vital element: the ability to figure out how to prevent himself from making that mistake again.

Because chances are, he’ll make this same mistake again in the future, maybe even with the same girl, just in a different format. Rather than bringing up people who argue, he may accidentally bring up another issue related to something that is troublesome for her.

Now, I could call it a day and say that you just need to cut your losses when that happens. But that’ll cause you to lose many women in the same fashion. The key to understanding how to prevent making this same mistake with the same women is in understanding and paying attention to the larger picture.

You need to pick out the pattern of events that have resulted in this negative thread and really make an attempt to understand the girl you’re talking with.


Pattern Recognition: It’s All About the Bigger Picture

The ability to recognize patterns separates those who are able to zoom through the phases in their seduction career with ease and those who have an extremely difficult time doing so. The man who is focused on the little details is on the long road to success, but the man who can take care of these details by upgrading his arsenal will build up a harem of women at the speed of light.

Let’s think about John for a moment; he failed to recognize the entire pattern of events that eventually led up to Ashley going off on a negative topic. Conversations may have a turn-by-turn action sequence of events, but it’s easy for the master conversationalist to point out where a conversation is headed. Since he can figure out where the conversation is headed, he can also deftly steer it away from that direction before the negative thread comes up, making the transition smooth and seamless.

How exactly do you recognize these patterns? In the conversation with John, you can tell that he asks her an open-ended question regarding her job, and he does a good job in guiding her towards a positive response. Unfortunately, John doesn’t set himself up to expand upon the thread; her answer has no potential for smoothly entering into a continued positive deep dive.

In understanding emotions, John needs to know that his current pattern follows a rigid path. First, he tries to deep dive by asking her an open ended question and follows that with a cold read about her personality. He gives himself little to work with, as she’ll likely close off the flow of the conversation by agreeing with him.

This is neither effortless nor efficient, as he has to put in more work to get her talking. He hopes that she’ll say something to help him move on, but even then he just hasn’t set himself up for it as his open ended question really does have a low chance to yield a proliferating answer.

Pause – What have I just pointed out?

That’s right; I’ve just shown you an example of pattern recognition. I recognized all the ways in which the conversation has gone wrong, and if it were John doing it, then he’d realize that he should set himself up for the conversation to continue, rather than just elicit a positive emotional response.

How do you properly reflect in order to understand these patterns? Just continue to dig for the answers. The deeper you pry, the more apparent the mistake will be. You’d be surprised just how deep emotions and the social system are when you break them down, but luckily with pattern recognition you’re left with a much more digestible task.


The Introspective Man is a Powerful One

same mistake twiceAll this introspection is completely necessary for anyone who wants to fully master the art of seduction. Introspection is an extremely powerful tool that is to be used in every walk of life to ensure greatness. The further you look into how you operate, the more you’ll be able to reveal about yourself as well as others.

It sort of feels like I’m preaching to the choir here, as most men who spend any amount of time reading a seduction blog obviously spend a lot of time in introspection. I’ve noticed too often that men are afraid to make mistakes, as they don’t want to feel the small sting of a loss, even if that means that they’ll have a huge upside and gain experience.

Making mistakes with people comes as a natural extension of getting to know them. If you’re a man who understands this, you’re going to not have much standing in the way of your goals. If you’re a man who understands that making the same mistakes over and over is a ruminating cycle that stalls progress, then you’re able to pass through any plateaus with ease. Not because you inherently know the material, but because you know how to progress with the material.

Ross

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Comments

Franco's picture

Good stuff


I really enjoyed this one, Ross. And given the recent struggles of some members on the discussion board, I think it came at a good time.

For those of you who are curious, I would sometimes spend hours lying on my bed after going out and meeting women trying to pick apart where each individual action went wrong. What you'll find, as Ross delicately noted in this article, is patterns when you put all of the approaches together that are repetitive and lead to the end of an interaction. So think back to those points in your routine where you seemed to fail, and then think about why they lead the interaction away from the direction you wanted to go (with that girl).

What you'll come across instead of a "right" answer is a list of possible reasons that you did not receive a desired outcome. From those reasons, you can adjust and come up with a few new ways to handle the situation. Pick ONE of them (and write the other ones down if you have to), and try it with the next interaction you have. Then a few more times after that.

Did you notice a change in the girl's behavior? No?

Go to the next item on your list.

Did you notice a change in the girl's behavior? Yes? She was more positive and accepted to give you her number?

You've just discovered where your problem might have been AND possibly figured out how to solve it.

Always reflect on your interactions and be taking mental notes of where things seemed to go differently from the way you expected them to go. You'll often find that your mistake almost always came shortly before that moment where the interaction began to go south. And using Ross's pattern recognition examples, it shouldn't take you long to find it. =)

- Franco

Ross Leon's picture

Some good commentary here

Author

Some good commentary here Franco.

Yeah, pattern recognition is one of those techs that, when you pick it up, you'll be able to understand almost anything on a more fundamental level. Makes learning a whole lot easier, because you're able to observe the entire flow of the conversation.

As an aside to mental notes, it's also a great idea to take actual notes. Carrying around a little journal and writing up a quick summary of your interactions makes it 10 times easier to remember how the interaction really played out.

Nuncle's picture

Yep


Another great motivational article.

robertnyc's picture

A follow up question


Great article Ross. Could you give some sample dialogue on how to do the deep dive on that same topic in a better way? I see the deficiencies in the attempted deep dive but would like to see how to do it in a more effective way. Thanks!

Ross Leon's picture

Deep Dive Example

Author

Hey robertnyc,

Sure, I'd be glad to give a little sample dialogue. I'll use the same situation as before, but with a slightly different pattern that allows for the conversation to 'flow'.

John: Journalist? Sounds like you're an opinionated girl. I hope you use that opinion for good... rather than unspeakable things.

Ashley: [excited] Yeah, I am opinionated! I'll be sure to use it for good.

John: I don't know if I believe you ... What kind of "good" are you planning on bringing?

Ashley: Well, I've done ABC and DEF and I'm planning on doing XYZ and etc.

As you can see, John has set her up to qualify herself while focusing the conversation on the good things. In the beginning of the conversation he makes a cold read, but supplements it with a question in judgment that she'll respond to with telling you something about herself. Which is then countered by a challenge to what she has just said about herself, so that she goes into deeper details about her plans.

Obviously that isn't the only way to do a deep dive, but I hope that was a sufficient example of what could qualify as a good way to get to know her ;).

Anonymous's picture

Kudos


I think that last picture sums up the article well.

"Just continue to dig for the answers. The deeper you pry, the more apparent the (answers) mistake will be."

Really stuck out to me

Anonymous's picture

I'm rather glad you glanced


I'm rather glad you glanced over some of the issues we as men face.

Victim mentality
Depression
Lack of confidence
Lack of conviction
Scarcity mentality

In my case, I was borderline depressed. Managed to dig myself out of that one before things got too bad. I still run into victim mentality from time to time, as I find myself blaming my parents for basically everything that is wrong with my life, even though I left them in the dust as a person and a man ages ago. My father is the penultimate beta male. My mother leads the pact and makes the decisions. So, I was very complacent and docile by nature though I have been trying hard to be more confident, assertive, and gain an abundance mentality.

I find that as I grow as a person, start appreciating that I could be a sexual man, that how others view me have fundamentally changed. I used to be a prick towards what little friends I have. It should have been no surprise then when they conveniently leave me out on their Vegas trips, but it was and I felt wronged. During this very dark time in my life, I was in the throes of borderline depression. Fortunately, I was able to set ego aside and get help. The same friends that used to neglect me now invite me! I am still amazed at how largely I progressed in my personal growth!

So, my take-away is this. You must first be happy with yourself and love yourself and believe in yourself before you can start attracting the life you envision and before women start finding you attractive.

I still have a lot to learn on this journey of mine, but, boy, has it been one hell of an interesting ride. It really is true that the journey matters much more than the destination.

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