If you’ve spent any amount of time learning pickup, then you know that you’re bound to make countless mistakes. We’ve all been through the same exact process, as you need to make mistakes in order to make progress.
Progression is necessary to finally get the results that you want. Progression, however, comes at a different pace for different people.
Some men progress through this material at a lightning fast pace, going from zero to hero within mere months.
... meanwhile, others, while exerting similar or even greater effort towards becoming attractive men who are irresistible to women, are just not getting the results they desire.
What is the primary difference between these men? The man who progresses quickly doesn’t make the same mistake twice, while the man who is stuck continues to make the same exact mistakes over and over again. As a result, he feels marooned on an ideological island with no escape.
How do you become the man that doesn’t make the same mistake twice? How do you bolt through this material and rack up lay after lay, shocking even your closest friends with the rapid progression you’ve made? I could just tell you to not make the same mistakes twice. But I know that there is more to the puzzle, as most guys are boggled when it comes to avoiding making these mistakes over and over again.
You see, most guys just don’t know when or how they’ve made a mistake. They can feel that something is wrong, but it’s very difficult to pinpoint the exact cause of the mistake. Without knowledge of how the mistake came about, you’re just throwing darts in the dark, trying to yank some progress kicking and screaming out of your unknown mistakes.
It’s time to turn on the lights so that you can finally get the results that you've been dreaming of.
How to Figure Out the Mistakes You’ve Made
Recognizing signs that show you’ve made a mistake is vital to moving forward in learning how to progress with women.
Unfortunately, this can be just as difficult to point out as it is to learn these techniques.
Even talented naturals cannot point out the specific mistakes that a guy has made. But once you’ve learned to figure out how to recognize a mistake within seconds of making it, you’re put on the fast track to success.
It has always been quite natural for me to point out my own mistakes. I’ve been actively trying to figure out the mistakes that I’ve made ever since I was in time-out as a boy in grade school. The teachers would tell me, “Now think about what you’ve done.” And, low and behold, that’s exactly what I did. I would sit there without pouting and figure out what exactly landed me in time out, because I wanted to be out on the playground playing with my friends.
And you know what? I rarely make the same mistakes twice because of this attitude. If I fail to reach whatever goal I want to succeed in, I take a moment and look at what it is that has gone wrong in the system.
But, for some reason, applying this same reasoning towards my conversations with women was extremely difficult.
With women, relationships, and socializing, you can’t use the same cause-and-effect strategy, because it just won’t work. I’d try a million different methods of texting women, and I would still not get the results that I was after. I’d use different pickup lines and jokes, but none of that worked either.
The reason that you cannot use the trial-under-fire strategy to much effect in your interactions with women is because seduction isn’t a logical game; it’s an emotional one. You can be logically sound, but you won’t get women if you’re constantly in emotional states that work against your goals. Some of these states include:
- Victim mentality
- Lack of confidence
- Lack of conviction
- Scarcity mentality
- Negative confirmation bias
These are the same emotional states that men are unable to escape, and being trapped in them is slowing and damaging their progress. They can try to spin how they’re saying something a million ways, but if they don’t escape their detrimental mental models they’ll keep playing a rigged game.
Now, I must admit, before coming to this website I encountered a few of those problems. Slowly but surely the veil was lifted; and I was able to open all the doors which had been previously blocking my path.
While the doors can open, it’s still a challenge to progress. Mistakes still need to be made for progress, and even with a clear head mistakes can be made twice, or even more than twice. Once you’ve gotten any pre-existing conditions out of the way, it’s time to get to work in understanding the emotions that signify whether or not you’ve made a mistake. And if there’s one thing that’s tricky, it’s emotions.
Understand How She Displays Emotions
Emotions; everyone’s got them, but everyone uses them in different ways. Understanding emotions is vital to avoiding mistakes, as you need to have a good grasp of the situation at hand in order to properly reflect on your interactions.
The tricky part with emotions is that they’re extremely subjective. One woman’s smile may mean that she is happy; another woman may smile because she’s nervous and uncomfortable.
Each and every woman is unique, which is why you need to stay vigilant and pay attention to the entire picture.
But is that really all? Do you just pay attention to how she’s reacting to things in order to understand where you’ve made the mistake? For example, would the following example be an ‘acceptable’ reflection?
John is trying to deep dive with Ashley in order to form a connection.
John: So, Ashley, do you really enjoy your job as a journalist? You must be quite the opinionated girl.
Ashley: [excited] Yeah, I really am opinionated, which is why I feel it’s such a good fit.
John: Must be annoying to constantly have to argue with others about your opinion.
Ashley: [annoyed] Well, yeah, they can get annoying. I hate when they do this [Ashley goes on a rant].
John then reflects during the rant on what he’s said. He eventually realizes that he got Ashley onto a negative topic by talking about people arguing with her about her own opinion, and quickly gets her back on the right track.
John realized his mistake, and corrected it. Unfortunately, this is not an acceptable reflection, as he’s left out one vital element: the ability to figure out how to prevent himself from making that mistake again.
Because chances are, he’ll make this same mistake again in the future, maybe even with the same girl, just in a different format. Rather than bringing up people who argue, he may accidentally bring up another issue related to something that is troublesome for her.
Now, I could call it a day and say that you just need to cut your losses when that happens. But that’ll cause you to lose many women in the same fashion. The key to understanding how to prevent making this same mistake with the same women is in understanding and paying attention to the larger picture.
You need to pick out the pattern of events that have resulted in this negative thread and really make an attempt to understand the girl you’re talking with.
Pattern Recognition: It’s All About the Bigger Picture
The ability to recognize patterns separates those who are able to zoom through the phases in their seduction career with ease and those who have an extremely difficult time doing so. The man who is focused on the little details is on the long road to success, but the man who can take care of these details by upgrading his arsenal will build up a harem of women at the speed of light.
Let’s think about John for a moment; he failed to recognize the entire pattern of events that eventually led up to Ashley going off on a negative topic. Conversations may have a turn-by-turn action sequence of events, but it’s easy for the master conversationalist to point out where a conversation is headed. Since he can figure out where the conversation is headed, he can also deftly steer it away from that direction before the negative thread comes up, making the transition smooth and seamless.
How exactly do you recognize these patterns? In the conversation with John, you can tell that he asks her an open-ended question regarding her job, and he does a good job in guiding her towards a positive response. Unfortunately, John doesn’t set himself up to expand upon the thread; her answer has no potential for smoothly entering into a continued positive deep dive.
In understanding emotions, John needs to know that his current pattern follows a rigid path. First, he tries to deep dive by asking her an open ended question and follows that with a cold read about her personality. He gives himself little to work with, as she’ll likely close off the flow of the conversation by agreeing with him.
This is neither effortless nor efficient, as he has to put in more work to get her talking. He hopes that she’ll say something to help him move on, but even then he just hasn’t set himself up for it as his open ended question really does have a low chance to yield a proliferating answer.
Pause – What have I just pointed out?
That’s right; I’ve just shown you an example of pattern recognition. I recognized all the ways in which the conversation has gone wrong, and if it were John doing it, then he’d realize that he should set himself up for the conversation to continue, rather than just elicit a positive emotional response.
How do you properly reflect in order to understand these patterns? Just continue to dig for the answers. The deeper you pry, the more apparent the mistake will be. You’d be surprised just how deep emotions and the social system are when you break them down, but luckily with pattern recognition you’re left with a much more digestible task.
The Introspective Man is a Powerful One
All this introspection is completely necessary for anyone who wants to fully master the art of seduction. Introspection is an extremely powerful tool that is to be used in every walk of life to ensure greatness. The further you look into how you operate, the more you’ll be able to reveal about yourself as well as others.
It sort of feels like I’m preaching to the choir here, as most men who spend any amount of time reading a seduction blog obviously spend a lot of time in introspection. I’ve noticed too often that men are afraid to make mistakes, as they don’t want to feel the small sting of a loss, even if that means that they’ll have a huge upside and gain experience.
Making mistakes with people comes as a natural extension of getting to know them. If you’re a man who understands this, you’re going to not have much standing in the way of your goals. If you’re a man who understands that making the same mistakes over and over is a ruminating cycle that stalls progress, then you’re able to pass through any plateaus with ease. Not because you inherently know the material, but because you know how to progress with the material.