What to Say to Girls to Make Them Go Wild For You

what to say to girlsA few conversations I've had lately have revolved around me discussing with guys how simple things are with women. You just talk to them, and then... boom! They chase after you. You don't even have to do any work; girls take care of all that themselves.

Because that's how it's been for me lately. But I keep getting pulled back down to reality; guys confess it doesn't work that way for them. And then I stop and think, and for a long time it didn't work that way for me, either.

What changed it for me? Well, one of the biggest factors was figuring out what to say to girls. All you've got to do is get that figured out, and you're set.

But that's tough, you say. Why? Well, because you're not a girl. And if you're like a lot of guys out there, you have, starting out, no idea what it is women want to hear, what they like to hear, or what they need to hear, whatsoever.

Here's how it goes for most guys: they start out talking to women too literally, and the women get bored out of their skulls and leave. So then a guy tries a few witty pick up lines, or he tries busting on girls to be a challenge, only to have them start snapping at him and shutting down. Eventually he comes full circle again and decides to try to be a lot nicer than he was, only to find that, once again, the challenge has disappeared and the interest women showed at least some of the time when he was being a jerk has disappeared.

That's the point a guy realizes that, despite all the time he might've spent trying to get better with women, he still has no real idea about what to say to girls.


Fortunately, all's not lost, and you can figure it out. In fact, that's why I made this post -- it's something of a guide on the wild, woolly world of talking to girls. In other words, herein lies the machete you'll need to hack a path through the conversational jungle and emerge on the other side with that beautiful, smiling girl you've had your eye on.


Regular Guy Talk: Boring, Insulting, or Both

Guy: So how long have you lived here?

Girl: All my life.

Guy: So you really like it then?

Girl: It's okay.

Guy: Yeah, I've lived here a pretty long time too.

If you're like most guys, the above conversation snippet probably sounds painfully familiar to you. "Ouch," you might think, "pains me to admit it, but yeah."

Have you ever stopped and thought about why conversations like that feel painful?

And how you could, say, do them differently -- do them better?

Most guys don't. They just keep on saying the same things again and again, and getting the same mediocre results -- it's like they're trying to get through a brick wall by punching their way through, and even though it hurts and even though it isn't really getting them anywhere, they never take the time to stop and look around for a set of power tools. The just keep on sluggin'.

Guy: What do you do for fun?

Girl: Um... nothing, really. My life is pretty boring.

Guy: That's cool. Sounds like a pretty stress-free life.

The thing about most regular guys' conversation is, it's boring. It's the same damn stuff a woman's heard a million times already from every other man on the planet. The first guy who tells you about his job as a store manager, maybe it's a little impressive. The tenth guy, it's prosaic and dull.

And the thing is, when a guy makes himself sound like every other guy a woman's met, she's going to assume he's like every other guy she's met, too. That's just how people work.

A man can go wrong trying to build a connection when there's nothing to build it on. It makes him look like he's trying to make something out of nothing, and that turns women off. He can go wrong circling the drain with lifeless topics that he doesn't know how to navigate off of, and he can go wrong failing to connect and get past small talk.

Showing too much approval for non-responses ("Oh, you don't do anything for fun? That's cool") or pressing too hard to get factual information about boring non-personal topics ("What do you do all day at work?" "What classes do you have?") are some other big, "Oh God, this guy's boring," things that men say to girls.

Guy: So what are you going to school for?

Girl: I want to be a photographer.

Guy: Really?

Girl: Uh, yeah.

Guy: How are you going to make any money doing that?

Girl: ... I have to go find my friends.

Worse still, many guys get into the habit of making inadvertently critical or awkward or downright insulting comments to women. They think they're teasing a girl, but instead they're scaring her off.

There are comments out there that are absolutely dynamite... when said with the right tone of voice. But most guys, starting out, don't know what the right tone of voice is, and they say things in such a way as to convey a message very different from what they were seeking to convey.

What ends up happening is these guys' attempts to tease women or make conversation come off as critical -- the guy asking a girl, "What were you thinking?" as a joke but not having it come out quite right, for example, or the guy telling a girl, "Yeah, that's never going to work," about something she wants to do.

Critical remarks make people feel bad, and people will pull out the stops to try and get away from other people who make them feel bad -- especially if those people are strangers they have no social ties or obligations to. For the people in their social circle doing that stuff to them, they just suck it up and try to minimize their exposure to those people.

I can't stress enough how important it is to avoid regular guy conversation: it's an attraction killer, no two ways about it.

But what to say to girls instead?

what to say to girls


Why Some Things Work and Others Don't

If you found yourself in a random conversation with a random stranger one night, while you were just out minding your business and he walked up and started talking to you, and you had the following interaction, tell me how you'd feel about this guy:

Him: Hey, how's it going?

You: Going all right. How about you?

Him: Going just fine. So where you from?

You: Uh, I'm from Chicago.

Him: Cool, cool.

You: Where are you from?

Him: I'm from Detroit.

You: Got you.

Him: So what do you do?

You: I do some work for the government.

Him: Oh, okay. I'm manage the shifts at a warehouse downtown.

You: That's cool.

Is that starting to feel a little awkward to you?

Yeah... hell yeah it is! It feels really awkward? And do you know why?

It's because you know this guy wants something, but you have no idea what that something is. Maybe he's into guys. Maybe he's by himself and he doesn't want to look like a loner. Maybe he's going to try to sell you something. Who knows?

What you do know is that he's making a big effort to try and get to know you... and that people don't normally do that with strangers. You know, you see legions of strangers every day, and they don't usually try to get to know you.

Well, believe it or not, this is exactly how women feel when most guys talk to them.

This is often surprising news to men, because men tend to assume that of course women know exactly what they want when they walk up to them.

But women don't know this.

You might be talking to her because:

  • You want a friend
  • You want a girlfriend
  • You want a wife
  • You want a one-night stand
  • Your buddy dared you to talk to her
  • You want to help your buddy who's scared to meet girls
  • You want to sell her something
  • You're trying to talk to people to build up your confidence
  • You don't want to be lonely
  • You're a serial killer / ax murderer / rapist
  • You're just a really social guy

or a hundred other reasons.

Women are rarely in possession of the assumption that "every man walking up to me is doing so because he wants to get into my pants;" and they usually only end up there after they've been approached by a lot of men (say, in a nightclub, or if they're dressed up really nice, sexy, or flashy and walking down the street).

Usually, they're rather withholding judgment while they try to figure out what it is a man wants with them. Only, most men never tell them. They make them guess, and then go on this "bonding spree" or they try to be funny and bust on girls, all the while never hinting at what it is they want -- preserving this awkwardness throughout the interaction, until women can't take any more of it and cut things off and walk away.

Now, here's the clincher-

When you have a strong, sexual, magnetic vibe down, this can work awesome. Because the "feel" of you communicates to women what you probably want -- they can tell you're a direct, sexual man who's not going to wait around, play patty cake, or is going to settle for being her friend.

But if you're a newer guy, or even an intermediate guy, you probably aren't there yet in terms of your presence. Which is not to say you shouldn't work on it, because presence is one of the most powerful things you can get down. You definitely should work on presence.

But until you've got it down, skipping signaling your intentions will leave women guessing at what they are and feeling uncomfortable because they don't know them.

And what that means is, if you aren't communicating your intent to women with words, you're going to struggle to keep them in conversation with you.

Because without that, much of the time, it's just going to feel too awkward.


What to Say to Girls You'd Like to Get to Know

what to say to girlsIn lieu of a strong, sexual vibe that makes it dead apparent to women what you want, you're going to need to make it clear you're getting to know a girl because you like her through your choice of words.

In addition, you're going to have to avoid those boring topics and insulting comments we talked about earlier that send women running for the hills (or at least for the bathroom, never to be seen again).

In order to do that, you'll need to know what to say to girls. And, if you hew closely to the following general rules of talking to women, you'll know just that in no time.

  1. Open direct where possible. If you can come in very clearly direct when you first meet a girl, you'll clear the air immediately and save her from any awkwardness or wondering what you're about or what you want. For that reason, particularly for beginners and intermediate guys,

    I saw you standing here, and I had to come tell you that you have the most stunning set of legs I've seen all day. I'm Joe.
    is almost always going to trump

    Hey, how's your day going? I'm Joe.
    No contest. Women don't just like it because it shows a lot of boldness and confidence -- which, yeah, they dig that too -- but they also like it because it immediately gets out there what the guy's about, and frees their minds for more important things... like deciding how much they like him, and what they might want to do with him.

  2. Focus on one topic at a time. You should make it a point to knock off the scattershot approach to conversation most men take, jumping from one topic to another to another with no focus on diving deeper and no effort to transition smoothly between topics. Start off with a few standard questions, almost always with a question about how she is right now at the outset:

    How's your night going?

    How goes your shopping expedition?

    How's that coffee? Any good?

    followed soon thereafter with some general questions about her, such as:

    So, you don't look like a local.

    Hail from here or from elsewhere?

    How'd you end up here today, instead of somewhere more interesting?

  3. Don't get hung up on topics. I know we said you want to focus on one topic at a time, but I wanted to follow with this one immediately because so often guys get this one wrong, too. The guys women think of as boring do this one a lot. What it is is getting stuck in neutral on a topic that's already run its course... your father might've called it "beating a dead horse," and it looks like this:

    Guy: Tell me, do you like pastries?

    Girl: No, not really.

    Guy: Well, have you ever had one you did like then?

    Girl: Um... not that I can think of.

    Guy: How about, like, a doughnut? Everybody likes donuts!

    Girl: No, I don't like doughnuts.

    Guy: Wow, that's weird. So what kind of desserts do you like, then?

    Girl: You know, I'm not really a dessert person.

    Guy: No way! You don't like anything! Dessert's what makes the meal. Can't believe you don't like dessert...

    This conversational thread should've been cut after that first "no." Instead, the guy kept plowing ahead, trying to force a connection where there wasn't one on a topic that doesn't even matter for the purposes of building an emotional connection with a girl or getting to know her any better.

    Done right, it'd look more like this:

    Guy: Tell me, do you like pastries?

    Girl: No, not really.

    Guy: Okay, well, never mind then! What do you have for snacks in that case -- let me guess, celery sticks and carrots?

  4. Be going somewhere. One of the most essential elements to conversation that every good conversationalist knows is that a conversation needs to have flow, and it needs to have direction. In other words, a conversation needs to be going somewhere.

    So, that guy above, perfectly fine that he asked that girl if she likes pastries, but he'd better be taking it somewhere. Because if that thread ends with him saying, "Oh, okay. I was just curious," that girl is going to lose a great deal of faith in his ability as a man who'll close the deal and give her what she wants.

    There needs to be an arc to your conversation, and each tangent you go on should have emotional thrust. Like so:

    Guy: Tell me, do you like pastries?

    Girl: No, not really.

    Guy: Okay, well, never mind then! What do you have for snacks in that case -- let me guess, celery sticks and carrots?

    Girl: Actually, I'm not much of a snack person at all.

    Guy: No way. Well, the reason I asked was because I've found you can tell a lot about a person by what kind of snacks they eat. Someone who indulges in pastries, for instance, likes to indulge herself most other places in life, too. A girl who's more into celery sticks on the other hand prefers to live a life of discipline and regimen.

    Girl: What about someone who doesn't like snacks at all?

    Guy: Obviously, she's not human, so it probably doesn't matter.

    Girl: [laughs]

    Guy: No, I'm kidding. It probably just means you eat really good meals and you're not hungry in between them. Wish I could do that.

    So, this guy here takes this question about her liking of pastries -- a boring conversation topic in and of itself; who cares if she likes pastries? -- and turns it into something truly interesting, and something potentially revealing about the girl.

    This is particularly fun to do once you get it down -- start talking to a girl about something boring or seemingly irrelevant, and then take the conversation right into something revealing, insightful, and interesting. This blows a woman's mind like little else.

  5. Get screening and qualifying women. Men don't screen women they aren't interested in. For that reason alone, screening and qualifying in your conversations helps women know that you're interested in them. On top of that, it gets women talking about themselves -- and everyone's favorite topic is himself, and telling others about ourselves is how we bond. She won't be bored when she's telling you how amazing she is, trust me.

    That looks like this:

    Guy: What do you think about dating and relationships these days?

    Girl: Honestly, I think everyone makes it too much of a big deal. I wish people would just chill out and do whatever they want to do instead of what they think everyone else wants them to do.

    Guy: Wow, you're a seriously cool gal. One of the few people I've met with a good handle on this type of thing. Rock on.

Learning what to say to girls and figuring out how to put a good conversation together on a regular basis is challenging, but it isn't impossible. So long as you stop hitting brick walls with bare fists, that is, and start looking around for power tools.

There are all kind of ways to talk to women you like, and you should always keep an eye out for ways to make your conversation better in ways that suit you and your personality. But, the most important rule is, as always --

Keep the focus on her, and say things that'll get her talking about herself.

Have that in mind as you talk to girls, and you'll know what to say to them without having to keep a million things to do in your head.

Chase Amante

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his Mastery Package.


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JFav's picture

Great post here man this was exactly what I needed to hear after these past few days. I really connected with the "be going somewhere" part. I noticed that a lot of convo's don't really have a point, and the ones that do always lead to great interactions.

I also enjoyed reading the part on being direct something I'm learning that I have to start doing. Becuase your right it really does get the point across very well.

Great article will definitely be one I'm looking at a lot!

Chase Amante's picture

Hey J, glad to hear it was what the doctor ordered, man. Yeah, a lot of conversations don't have a point... it's like people are just trying to fill the dead space with words. Way too much bumbling in the dark in most people's talk.

Muy excellente if you start using direct man -- it's some strong stuff when you do!


Anonymous's picture

wow i gotta say thanks for putting this up, i had tried this with someone and was I glad to not feel like a complete idiot, thanks a ton.

El Jefe's picture

Chase, i've figured out your comment thingy. Good post man!!! The example thing was spot on, helped me understand- a lot of the time i do wonder what the hell somebody wants while they're talking to me, it's a bad feeling.

so im practicing now. my intent for the comment was to show some love for a post that made a lot of sense. no homo!

Chase Amante's picture

Jefe, thanks bro, very good to hear the post helps! Were you getting tangled up in the spam filters? Been meaning to change those... in my spam filters' efforts to keep out those intent on sharing the joys of male enhancement with my readers, some unfortunate souls seem to be getting caught in the crossfire.

Never a good feeling when you can't figure out why someone's talking to you, eh? And you certainly never want to be "that guy"...! Here's hoping the practicing goes well and you start seeing some solid improvements.

Cheers man,

Anonymous's picture

Hi Chase, I've been scouring your website for the past few days and I've got to say its been a tremendous help! I haven't had substantial results yet but its helped me to become more positive and put a lot of things in perspective for me! And so, I'm sure you could help me answer this question that's been bugging me for quite some time...how should you deal or react when a girl asks for your help?

I don't mean to sound snooty but I'm kinda smart so girls often ask for my help with their homework or something like that, so if you could make up an example dealing with that, it'd be great! Anyways from reading some of your stuff, I gather that you can't be too overeager but you also can't be too negative about it either. I usually end up going very neutral and thats just boring. I feel like helping a girl could potentially leave a very positive impression but I not really sure if its the right kind of impression for sparking romance and I'm also not sure of the little nuances that I should go about it to get the right kind of results so I hope you can set me straight on this topic!

Thanks! :)

Anonymous's picture

Thankyou Migz!

Hahemeh's picture

Chase, you have never explain how do a guy needs to handle a non-response. They are hard as hell they get you nowhere and many guys dont know how to handle them. I'll say...

Sarah's picture

I came upon your website while searching for an answer to why some great successful good-looking popular guys can be absolutely unable to get girls, to the point where they don't even try. I know quite a few and it just baffles me. Men have no confidence or masculinity anymore and they're terrified of women.

As a woman, I think through most of your articles you come across as an asshole. Why? Because you're playing games and manipulating and I can't exactly figure out what your goal is. One night stands? Maybe, but doesn't quite seem right. Getting a girlfriend? Yeah, maybe, but also doesn't quite seem like your goal. That makes you creepy, as you alluded to in this article (not knowing a guy's goal = creepy).

However, regardless of how creepy your other articles are, this one is SPOT ON for any guy pursuing any girl for any reason. Well-meaning guys ruin their chances, thinking they're being polite, because their pick up conversation is so bland. The girl feels like she's being interrogated. That's never a good thing. It's also true that the a girl never really knows his intentions, but that matters a lot less when she's enjoying the conversation.

Your snack anecdote is cute, but unless you're suggesting that guys memorize multiple witty conversations with punchlines, this approach might not work. It might be great or guys might come up with ridiculous unappealing conversations and just come off as a weirdo. The main thing to remember is that girls hate being interrogated by a stranger. If you want to talk to a girl you don't know, try to have an actual conversation with her that she can join in on.

Red's picture

We'll see if one day Chase meets you, and apply everything he knew about girls to you! Try yo resist that!

Anonymous's picture

Thank you, this is the one site that gave examples instead of just interpretations and recommendations. So many other sites tell you what's going on but a simple example is something I can walk away with. I appreciate your insight, since I'm trying to find "The One" (not the movie, although Carla Gugina was pretty hot in her prime). Sorry for the tangent. I will keep practicing this on women that peak my interest, hopefully I will have an awesome testimony down the road.


John Doe's picture

God bless you for the article. I've been on a 6 month absence from the dating scene because I couldn't interact with any females at clubs and meetings. I had given up hope, and wondered if there was that person who can put me on the straight path of social prosperity lol. And that's you! Thank you again... Truly grateful

Soumy Nona's picture

Interesting to note that the direct approach of "playing your hand" may shock some women as being too direct and scare them away. I've always used the direct approach, and it has never always worked!

Anonymous's picture

Never always...but quite often.

Kyaru's picture

Chase thank you for this, you just saved my ass for tomorrows date. I notice I do stay on those boring topics in person. I met a really cute girl named Candice on pof last week using the profile building article you wrote as well. Im planning on making her my girlfriend. Keep it up and thanks for making me a better man.

Anonymous's picture

Thanks due to this webite I have managed to maintain a good convosation with girls and not feel like I am making them uncomfortable and I got a girlfriend and everyone remember everything sounds good with the right tone of voice

Anonymous  's picture

Thank man this is just what I need it to read no one has been able to tell me this has brought md out of my shy is zone so thank ones aging

Anonymous's picture

Your blog is awesome it's do you having anything about online dating I don't go to bars that often .

Naftal's picture

Great advice man really made me think more about my interactions with women

Richardson's picture

Wow i realy enjoyed reading everybit of the post i have learnt something out of it i ll give ir a try then

Lines's picture

Before reading this I was one of those guys who had not a clue of how to talk to women. After reading this I feel much more confident with talking to the women in my life. I notice a major difference in my conversations in that they feel more natural. After speaking with the new girl in my life she seemed to enjoy what I had to say. Your advice has been a love saver and is greatly appreciated. Thank you.

razor's picture

Last week I was in a conversation with a gal that I was interested on. I started to great the gal as usually everyday but I don't start conversations with her because I'm not sure if bore her or not because she seemed a quiet person. So I decided to start a conversation with her after I greated her and everything I asked her how are her holidays going so far... Then guess wat she said GOOD then she kept quiet so all questions or topics I start with her the answers I get are GOOD ,FINE ,YEAH and NO so I need help

Anonymous's picture

when im with pretty girls i always get nervous i tried to control my self but i could n't

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