How to Start a Relationship with a New Girlfriend | Girls Chase

How to Start a Relationship with a New Girlfriend

I've fielded a number of comments and questions from guys over the years on how to start a relationship off right with a new girl they've just started seeing. After all, you've used all the material on this site on how to turn yourself into a smooth, edgy, sexy man; and you've learned everything you need to know about how to get girls, you knew what to look for in a girlfriend, and you've found her, met her, and everything went perfectly. You took her to bed as your lover, and now she's yours.

Now what?

start a relationship

Most people treat dating and relationships as some big, mythical, emotionally-driven process these days, devoid of much logical forethought or planning. It's reached a point in Western thought where "giving in to your emotions" has become the ultimate ideal to be striven for and attained; you should seek to "just feel" and "go with your heart."

But while emotion is a very important piece of your actions and decision making as a human, it's only half the story, and, worse for relationships... it's the short term half of the story.

Emotions will have you shortchange your tomorrow for a better today.

What I'm going to tell you to do in THIS article, however, is to take command of yourself, and build a relationship designed to be strong, successful, and rewarding long after the fires of early emotion quit burning so brightly, or even quit burning at all.

This is, you might say, the anti-guide to falling in love: it's the guide not to getting there, but to staying there, and like all good stories it starts at the beginning.

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his Mastery Package.

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Comments

donnie darko's picture

Hi Chase,

Excellent article, as always.

Any chance you could dispense some advice on a situation that I currently am in? There's this girl (X) at work whom I *suspect* is attracted to me, and am hoping to get a second opinion from an dispassionate observer.

Recently, X invited me to a dinner outing with a group of 10+ friends (including her female (F) and male (M) BFFs, henceforth known as F and M respectively). This was my *FIRST* ever outing with X's group of friends; I had turned down a previous invitation by X on her first day at work.

During the dinner, F was incredibly flirtatious towards me, asking prying questions about my availability and past gfs in the presence of X. My responses were playfully vague, which only seemed to embolden X and M. Initially, I chalked it up to facetious banter, until F blurted something out abruptly - 'You cannot date X, because I want you for myself'. It was a complete non-sequitur in the conversation, and led to a rather betrayed+embarrassed look from X, directed at F and M.

After dinner, we (F, M, X, and myself) went to a bar, and those 2 girls shared rather personal details of their past boyfriends with the group. This time, however, it was X who insisted on knowing more about my ex gfs, and when I remained coy, she threw a faux hissy fit and gave me 3 light punches on the shoulder.

Am I drawing the right conclusions from this? If so, then the attraction is mutual, though the only hangup that I have is that X is one of those chaste religious types.

ADDITIONAL INFO

M, X, and myself work together.

M and X will be returning to their home country (overseas) upon completion of their posting at my firm.

Just before we had set foot in the dinner venue, I overheard M teasing X that he would make her seat with another one of their male mutual friends, and 'settle' for him. Prior to that, M teased X that she could spend more time with me during the dinner.

While F was flirting with me, it was evident that X had been telling the former about my idiosyncrasies, as F seemed to know a lot about me. But then again, X did share practically everything (not just me) about her day at work with F.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Hey Donnie,

Yes, the signals are loud and clear. Obviously, she's gossiped to her friends about how much she likes you and wants to date you... so much so that the friends now want you too, and are teasing her in public. She brought you out in front of her friends to get their approvale of you, and they have strongly approved (and are even making their own interest in you known).

The punches are a very strong sign. Girls hitting you typically means they're extremely open to you.

Because X has openly declared her interest, you need to move relatively quickly on this one before the window closes and she enters auto-rejection. If she's religious, you'll have to gauge how fast you can move; some religious women abstain from sex, some do not.

In any event, she's certainly very, very interested, and if things don't work out with her for any reason, it sounds like there are a couple of other girls who are lined up and willing to take her place.

Chase

Anonymous's picture

Hey Chase, great article

Not in the context of relationships, just generally, what is the best way to refuse any tasks a woman asks you to do?

thanks

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Hi Anon,

Depends on the task, but an easy one typically is to ask her, "Why don't you do it yourself?" and when she gives some whiney / complainy / "Awww... but I'm TIRED!" "Awww... but I want YOU to do it FOR me!", brush it off ("You're crazy. I'm tired too. If you want it, you're perfectly capable of getting it yourself") said half-stern, half-laughing at her silliness.

Another one is to propose a task with even higher levels of investment that she can do simultaneous with you doing the task for her in return. e.g., she says, "Anon, can you get me a cup of water?" and you say, "Yeah. Actually, I really need to throw a pizza in the oven, I'm getting pretty hungry... can you throw that pizza on for me, and I'll go get you your water?" If she refuses, you can then freely refuse back. If she complains, you can complain back. "But I'm really thirsty!" "Well, I'm really hungry! Where's my pizza?!"

Basically, it's a childish / ridiculous situation, and you should be half dismissing it with sternness, and half laughing at its ridiculousness the whole time.

Chase

Maxz's picture

This article is just beyond solid Chase.

Everything preached goes counter to what many guys are doing out there, I have seen it with my own eyes. And it scares the crap out of me. Maybe that is why I have not been in a long term relationship. All the suplicating that men do at the begin of relationships is basically what kills many of them.

What you are basically preaching here Chase is a minimalistic approach to handling a relationship when it begins. I totally concur with this observation.

After reading this, I feel I can jump into a relationship and not worry about what lies ahead. Legendary Chase.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Maxz-

That's it exactly. If you summed it up, it'd be, "If you want a great relationship, do very little other than just BE with the girl. And even then, don't be with her TOO much. You can always scale this up over time and do more gradually."

The doing more gradually needs to go against the ebb and flow of emotions... as the emotions fade, you can do more. When they're stronger, you discipline yourself and do less.

Simple in theory, though most men will never do it in practice because they're too caught up in their feelings.

Chase

Whizzy's picture

Hi Chase!

Another great article. I for one have always been one of the people confused with trusting logic vs my emotions when it comes to relationships. After reading this and from my past experiences this sounds like the next step in improving my relationships, especially the goal oriented portion of the article. I think being overly emotional leads to a lack of direction/goals from a guy in the relationship so it creates a domino effect of starts. This just means the old saying about staying calm and controlled goes for most situations in life including your love life. Thanks for the great insights as always!

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Hi Whizzy,

Logic and emotions have a really interesting interplay. Basically, if you ever reach a point where ONE of them is TOTALLY dominating the other, you're in trouble. Emotions are the canaries in the coal mine when it comes to danger situations... they'll let you know if something is horribly out of whack. But, they also cause a lot of false alarms, too, so you need to be able to figure out which kinds of chirps to listen to and which ones not to.

With rewarding situations, emotions are the beach... sometimes you just need to go hit the beach, enjoy, and unwind from all the stresses and strains of life. But if you stay out on the beach on vacation for too long, everything back home falls apart. A balance is needed.

Chase

Whizzy's picture

Hi Chase,

Perfectly said. As people go through more and more relationships if they pay attention they should be able to tell when it's time for one vs the other. Once again practice makes perfect

Franco's picture

This was a great read, Chase. I know this topic has been written about before, but it was great to see some more in-depth coverage. I especially liked your checklist for: "Are You a Relationship Grasshopper?"

Based on that checklist, I'd say that 99% of men out there are exactly that. It doesn't help that the media (and all of Western civilization) embraces the idea of "following your heart" and "things being meant to be." But, I won't complain. It guess it just gives that remaining 1% of us a distinct advantage who have the foresight to plan ahead. The girlfriends of the readers of this website will be very lucky. ;)

Cheers,

Franco

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Hey Franco,

Haha, glad you liked the checklist. The subheading was probably a little cheesy, but it gets the job done.

Relationships are such a complex subject unfolding over such long periods of time that almost nobody gets good at them. Some people stick together because they've found the perfect match (this typically takes a guy being very good at picking up and screening and knowing exactly what he wants, although it can sometimes happen by pure chance), or because both are too afraid to break up and look for new partners (I have a lot of friends in their 30s who fall in this boat... neither partner is thrilled with the other, but each views the current partner as better than what he or she can get on the open market, although they'll never come out and tell you that).

If most men would agree to either just give women what they want, or be honest about not being able to give it to them and let them go, you'd see such a colossal reduction in bitter women out there that the entire feminist movement would disappear. Instead, fearful men try to hold onto women while simultaneously not giving them what they want or need. As you note, any guy who embraces "give her what she needs, or let her go," along with the other tenets here, is going to have (generally speaking) a much happier woman in general.

It's not rocket science, but it does take a little bit of stopping and examining, and most people are so caught up in the living and experiencing that they never take the time to step back and observe.

Chase

Anonymous's picture

What do you think of kissing girls on their cheek whether they are friends,lovers,or girlfriends.

Anonymous's picture

Does the same rule apply to relationships in high school.

M's picture

What are your views on writing poetry for a girl? I've been reading Casanova's memoirs and, although the social constructs are very different, he oft used the written word as a powerful form of seduction. I've studied literature for awhile, and have dabbled in creative writing myself previously.

Does this violate the law of least effort and come across as to emotional/feminine? Or, conversely, does it help to establish you as a very romantic man (even... strikingly different) in today's time? Best to do a day after an intimate moment, like the first sexual encounter? Or later in the relationship (3-4 months into it)?

M

Eric Reeves's picture

Oddly enough, this may work but not in the way you intend it to.

There's an idea by a neuro-scientist, called an Erotical Illusion (taken from the name optical illusion) where the mind has a tendency to "read between the lines" and extrapolate attraction.

This is mostly seen in the shemale porn industry, who's audience is actually straight males (gay men are often not interested in shemale porn). Interesting points he brings up are that the most attractive points of interest in porn to men are (in order): 1) The chest, 2) The penis, 3) The butt, 4) The feet. Despite the shemales being.. well.. male.. The audience is still purely straight men, because of the illusive effect (curves of the male body to look female).

Note that women are not interested in shemale porn, and also not penises (yes men care much more about them then women). The erotical illusion for gay men is usually the female-to-man gender change, which results in a very butch/buff looking man with a vagina.

The erotical illusion for a FEMALE is typically romantic novels, which deal more in depth with the emotional side of things. Someone like Edward Cullen is a prime candidate for an archetypical illusion to the female, as men are not interested in him (sometimes often being off-put) while females are very very attracted.

Something to think about I guess.. but I would also like to say that Casanova may have had a few things wrong (but a lot right).. He could also be quite anti-social with his hate/disgust/inner-thoughts of those around him. If you read his book, then you'd notice where he would mention briefly that he would go off in a fit (maybe for an hour?) to girls in front of him -- in rage. He leaves this dialog out though. Casanova isn't the best model to follow..

Stay away from expending effort though. It's good to train yourself, because otherwise it's going to be a bottleneck for your progress. I did say that being more feminine is more attractive to females, but still -- don't do it.

---- Edit ----

I wrote this and then realized that I DID explain why poetry works.. but I didn't put enough emphasis on answering your question..

Be extremely careful with doing romantic stuff like this (aka don't do it)..

Why?

1. It's easy to mess up and come off as weak
2. It's easy to ellicit strong feelings in your girl, which makes it easier to hurt her
3. It makes things move very very fast, and if you want to slow down (or hit a wall) in the relationship it will crash (leading to #2)
4. It sets expectations (like for 2 and 3)

Vaughn 's picture

To be honest no I don't approach 30-40 a week.. maybe that's where I mess up at. But chase I don't have a car so I only know girls from work and social circle, I can't go do the approaching like you say. So should I try to pick up customers while working? What else can I do? And everything is far and I need a car, I can't walk. I also remember you saying that guys with passions do better with women. So am I focusing too much about women when I read your articles? Cause I'm addicted to them. I'm kinda saying am I focusing to much on women by reading your articles? I fantasize about using your techniques with girls I know and have, is that my problem? Thank you!!!

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Hey Vaughn,

If you're really set on getting good with girls, you've GOT to figure out a way to get the experiences you need with them to develop your skill set.

I don't know your living situation, but if you're not in a city, you should move to one, and if you can't move to one, you should find a way (bus, train, a ride from a friend, a ride from a family member) to get into the nearest city one day a week at least (e.g. a day off), and spend all day there meeting girls. One of the guys I learned from early on lived about 40 minutes outside of the closest city nearby, so one day a week he'd drive into the city and spend 12 hours there just meeting girls all day long, and at the end of the day he'd drive back, and that was how he learned game.

You don't HAVE to do this, of course; most guys never learn game like this, and just end up with whatever girl they happen to be around with and stumble into doing the right things with.

But if you want a honed, sharpened skill set, and you want to be able to do the things you want with women more or less on command, then you need to get a range of experiences to fall back on.

You just have to figure out where you can go to get those experiences - if you really want it, I'm confident you will. People have a way of finding the things they really want and getting them, so long as they keep working on them and chipping away.

Chase

Balla's picture

Great stuff Chase I always believed the less you care the more power you have.
I have a few questions about your article though.

When keeping your options open how do you not get caught and not feel guilty and paranoid after doing the do with a girl? Some girls could be crazy and try to be in your life more than just a fling.

What are you suppose to tell your girl EVERYTIME she ask you to do something? Like movies, restaurants, etc. you said not for 90 days so how do u avoid doing that with her and keep her around?

About me: I work in retail and I want to know what's the best way to pick up customers? I feel being direct and fast to get the number works, but I never tried because Im kinda nervous on how they would react if someone working at a place she shops at tries to approach her.
I feel if she makes more than me and she sees me working in some grocery store, she will think "I don't want his broke ass" haha.
Let me know what you think about my situation.

Is their A way you can be a sexy friend? What i mean is the girls know im very sexual but were friends becuase of work/social circle. I only talk to them at work and stay on the outside, hi's and byes and some little convo and flirting. I don't want to be a friend but I'm very sexual and all that but I dont sleep with these girls because I don't have any good logistics at the moment. The girls are very receptive to me and don't mind my flirting or advances, they sometimes encourage it. Let me know what you have to say about this.
Thanks chase.

Peace,
Balla

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Balla,

On guilty and paranoid, you ideally don't want to be feeling these, so try to avoid doing things that you'd feel guilty or paranoid about. If you're telling a girl you're exclusive to her, it's usually better not to violate that trust. There's a whole big moral / ethical debate on what you owe someone and trust, honesty, etc., but the long and short of it is, if you're getting a bad feeling that's telling you, "Don't do this, it's wrong, and somebody's going to get hurt," don't do it. Use one of the other methods of keeping your options open.

On getting asked to do things, most girls won't propose a lot of things to do, unless they're really outgoing / party-type / highly social girls. I tend to avoid these kinds of girls and advise guys to avoid these girls too, unless they REALLY enjoy this lifestyle. The frequent-socializing lifestyle eats up a lot of time, so it depends what your priorities are. I will say that if she wants to go out all the time and you don't, there's going to be a mismatch and you're not going to be well-suited for one another. However, you can always tell her, "I'd rather just chill tonight. Let's hang out, just the two of us." If she keeps proposing things and you keep declining, you're probably headed for issues at some point.

Customers - yeah, we talked about this one before, remember? Here's your original remark on it and my response:

http://www.girlschase.com/content/how-break-ice-5-surefire-ways-entice-h...

... and the article on picking up girls shopping:

How to Pick Up Girls Shopping for Gifts or Groceries

Check those out for a refresher on what we discussed before; my advice is the same.

Cheers,
Chase

The M's picture

Hey Chase,

I changed my name a bit since it appears that there's another M getting in the way here. :) Although his question on poetry is something I would have asked myself...

I'm not sure if you've covered the above four topics all that much on this blog, so I was wondering what your views on them are:

- Generosity: You're obviously an extremely generous guy, writing all these articles and thoroughly responding to every single comment in the 2-3 days afterward. At the same time, though, I'm sure you don't waste time giving tons of advice to just anyone who asks. How do you properly calibrate your level of generosity (be too generous and you're a pushover or a pompous advice-dispenser [which of course you're not], be too stingy and you're uncaring and self-centered or holding back information)?

- Appreciation: I once forgot to publicly acknowledge someone who had helped me on something important (and so I got all the credit), and I felt pretty bad. How can I always remember to be appreciative of others, and what's the best way to show it?

- Caring: When I deep dive, sometimes I feel that I'm "faking it" - I don't really care about the person, but I'm trying to give the appearance that I do by asking all these probing questions and trying to relate. This doesn't feel right. How can I truly care about someone - or is deep diving the path to get there?

- Empathy: When I read a story in the news, I just basically know what happened and that's about it. But when many women read the same story, they start empathizing so much with the people in it - "I feel so bad for him...", "She is the worst kind of person..." etc. - as if they already know and understand them. How DO they do it? I have trouble empathizing even with people I know well...

Finally, what role do these traits play in a seduction? In a relationship? I know they're important, but being confident and sexy doesn't seem to really involve them...

Hope this all doesn't sound too "new-agey" as you would say. :)

Best,
M

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Hey M,

No, not too new age-y at all! Those are all important qualities to be able to use properly and in the right amounts.

Generosity

I think the big one on this is thinking long-term scalability and opportunity costs. For instance, for me, there are selfish reasons for replying to comments like getting more informed about what people want to read about and building stronger relationships with the core readership, in addition to "selfless" ones like the enjoyment of helping guys you know who are working hard on lifting themselves up by their bootstraps (even so-called selflessness is selfish though; you get emotional boosts from doing things you feel like make you a "good person," and you usually have some long-term goal in your selflessness, like building a reputation or building friends and allegiances).

Where generosity gets in the way is when you start giving away too much of something valuable for free. For instance, I don't really give email advice away anymore because it's one-on-one, doesn't build any community at all (unlike comments and the forum), and most of the guys who get into email exchanges with you keep writing for more and more and more personal advice, and they often never apply any of it.

You've got to figure out if a certain form of generosity is a good use of your time, and cut back on the ones that aren't. Trying to save "lost causes" is a good example of something that can suck up a lot of a generous person's time but provide little return (these are the people who always have problems and never get better).

Appreciation

Only way to learn to do this all the time is to realize whenever you didn't do it, and immediately correct it. I've had times I forgot to acknowledge someone publicly, and I went back and said, "Wait, hold on, I feel terrible about this, but I completely neglected to mention one of the most important people in this. He..." The bigger the gaffe, the more you must stress the importance of the person.

Get in the habit of always praising others for their work, and you'll get in the habit of always remember to. It's like remembering anything else - you just need to build the habit of doing it.

Caring

What you really want to do is steer your deep dives quickly toward subjects that are both significant to the person in question, and interesting to you. For instance, if you're bored to tears talking about someone's time in university, don't talk about it - get them off that subject and onto something more interesting. That's the best way of dealing with this - learn to direct the conversation better.

Empathy

Empathy comes from imagining feeling what other people are feeling. Most people become jaded when they see something often enough, and girls often have incentives to act overly empathetic ("Aww, those poor people!"). If you pay attention, you'll notice it's usually the prettier girls who are acting this way - the less attractive ones don't bother much. Why? Because the prettier ones have realized that by acting highly empathetic, they can draw more attention to themselves. It isn't always that they are profoundly feeling the pain of others - much of the time, it's a learned act.

Empathy plays a strong part in seduction. You can learn it without it (and I have known friends with Asperger's or sociopathology who managed to), but it's always a little mechanical for those lacking it and there are always some situations they simply can't understand (like when someone's upset about something they've done that that person found hurtful, for instance). You should always try to see things from women's eyes and understand WHY they're acting the way they do. This speeds your learning curve up dramatically, if you can "think" like a woman.

Just ask yourself, "If I wanted what this girl wants, what would I want and how I would I feel about this situation?" Change the objectives in your head, and watch how your emotions shift. It's pretty cool.

Chase

The M's picture

Thank you for the detailed and intuitive reply! This is so helpful to me.

I just read a news article with the last question in your post in mind, and my emotions indeed shifted and I could empathize just fine with the woman in the story, even though I've never been in anything like that situation. That was in fact my initial reaction to the story, but the tone of the article made me feel that something was wrong with it. Your way of phrasing that question is just perfect.

M

Mike's picture

This was pretty useful. Next, I'd like to see an article on how to maintain non-exclusivity with a girl, even if it goes against her agenda of getting in a relationship with you.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Hey Mike,

Ricardus has a couple of posts up that deal with this to a degree here:

Don't Hurt a Girl: The Importance of Expectations

How to Date Multiple Women (with Zero Drama)

I have a mini-speech I give girls when I start getting protestations about wanting something serious here:

Where Do You See This Going?

Aside from that though, I can't recommend maneuvering women into staying with you when they want exclusivity and you do not. I did it when I was inexperienced because I thought I knew better than the girls themselves did, and it'd be good for a while, but it always ended in a lot of damage, broken hearts, and upset, despite me being totally forthright.

The lesson I took away from all of that is, if you really care about her, listen to what she's saying she wants, and either give it to her, or let her know you can't and leave it at her discretion to stay with you or not. Many times when you're pursuing casual relationships, women will leave for a while to have a serious relationship, then return to you again later (provided you let them go on good terms, of course) when they start wanting a stronger man than the one they ended up dating after you.

Chase

Anonymous's picture

I've been looking for some literature to read in my spare time which features strong, sexy men in hopes of helping to rewrite my brain and mask the social coding we have now! Any suggestions of authors, novels, etc?

Eric Reeves's picture

Not fictional (that I'm aware of) but Sleazy Nights was one of my favorite reads.

Mike's picture

Can't find this book with Google, are you sure about the name?

Eric Reeves's picture

My mistake, "Sleazy Stories".

I get it mixed up all the time for some reason..

kneek0's picture

Chase,

I might be getting ahead of myself here, but I would appreciate your insight. Spring semester just started, so I re-read your article on how to pick up in class. I met this beautiful girl, and moved fast, though she seems a little on the shyer side as it took more effort for me to get her to open up than it does with other women. I have talked to her twice, and found out she just moved up here a week ago (probably why she seems a little more reserved than other college girls I meet). But I got her smiling and laughing a bit so I proposed to get a bite to eat this week, she agreed and gave me her number. I expect to take her to bed soon, because without expecting something how can you achieve it. So, my question is, once I bed her, how do I limit seeing her throughout the week if we have a class together Monday through Thursday? Don't want her, or myself for that matter, getting too attached.

Another great article,
Thanks,
kneek0

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Howdy Kneek,

That's really a situation that's outside your control, to a large extent.

You could skip those classes, and have her share her notes with you, if you wanted (if you can... I know some classes have attendance policies, or pop quizzes). But most probably, you're going to see her 4 days a week regardless of what you do, and it's going to need to be a serious relationship by default - it'll simply escalate very quickly.

Knowing that going in, I'd recommend you make your peace with it and accept that this'll probably be an intense, rapidly-progressing relationship, simply because you'll see her so much and she'll likely want to spend time with you after class. It may be a "boom and bust" type relationship, where once the next semester rolls around and you're no longer in a class together, she'll start feeling like "something is missing" and it's "not what it once was," and then the relationship will fracture and end. Or, you might find a way to continue seeing each other throughout the day, and maintain that momentum.

Either way, if you're seeing her all the time regardless, it will be what it will be (unless you both go in with an explicit understanding that it's going to be a casual relationship / non-serious, but it doesn't sound like that's what either of you want), and it's best if, since you can't control that aspect of it here, you accept that and dive in head first and enjoy it, and look to control more the areas that are still inside your control.

Chase

C man's picture

Hey Chase,
First let me say that your site has been so helpful to me and I never would have gotten anywhere without it. I am a high school and have recently started a relationship with this girl I met through a youth program, who lives one town over. At the beginning of the relationship, she was texting me nonstop and I was doing the right thing and making myself scarce. There was a youth convention coming up, which she told me she was going to and convinced me to go. She also implied we would hook up and she knew I was also going to hook up with other women. Within two hours of my arrival at the convention, she hooked with another guy and made it a point to show him off to me. Although I need up hooligans up with another girl, the convention sucked. Her roommates also came up to me and apologized on her behalf. When I asked the girl why she did it, she responded that she didn't know if I liked her or not and the guy"manhandled" the kiss but she didn't want to kiss him. It was a horrible excuse. I thought she was either trying to make me jealous, or this was an attempt to grab power in the relationship. I ended up forgiving her, because she is really cute and now I can't stop texting her. Also, she gave me a present for my birthday and since her birthday is coming up I bought a necklace which cost as much as what she got for me. I am not the most sociable kid in high school, and I have just started to pick up girls (thanks to you). I was wondering how I can discipline myself to stop texting her, and how can I manage to save this relationship because I really like her.

LJM's picture

Chase ,
I've been reading your forums for awhile now trying to brush up on my skills.
I haven't been truly single for the past 4 years. I'm 22 and have a friend from grade school I've reconnected with. I'll refer to her as X. X and I first got reacquainted, after texting for a couple weeks, when I offered to take her out for her birthday. We talked on the drive and caught up at a lounge and she said she wanted to make it clear she wasn't interested in a relationship with anyone ( she set this as a resolution for this year and was freshly single) at the moment. She said her friends wanted to meet up with her at another location and invited me along. I agreed to but had to go meet up with my friends first (I am apart of a team and had business on the same side of town that night). So when I rejoined her I became aware quickly her friends (6) were all other guys 2 of which were a homosexual couple (Y & Z) who paid a lot of attention to me (I'd never met any of these guys beforehand and wasn't sure if I was being judged for possible potential of anything by these two for her), and one who seemed oddly possessive of her ( acted like I was competition, I'll call him A). At the end of the night the Y & Z offered us ( X, myself, and A) to go to their place to drink a little so we did. When the time came to go home though A asserted he could take her home even though I lived down the road from her and he lived 20+ away from her. She let me take her home though basically I'm curious because since then I've felt subtle signals and we text occasionally and see each other at events where myself or my team is present and she always goes out of her way to come talk to me and is very warm towards me while A who follows her around like a puppy dog and pouts and gets pissy when she shows me or any other guy attention even if it's a completely platonic conversation. Basically I can't tell if she's interested I know A put himself in the friend zone category because he does the same crap I used to when I was inexperienced but she seems interested in her body language and how she is around me but how do I find out for sure?
Hope you can help me keep up with all you do you've helped me a lot already just need a little advice with this one!

Croatian's picture

Hello :)

Random Croatian guy here,

You seem quite intelligent, and socially savvy. However, I don't quite agree with everything you write. Most of it is true, even here.

I've been reading and this is really interesting stuff you're revealing. Out of laziness I'm just going to comment on this single post.

Haven't read all of your blog, but have you pointed out that every woman needs a different approach, and also if you're fishing (currently lacking a better expression) in the same place regularly, you will need to change your avenue of approach quite often.

Also, how do I put this, I understand what you're talking about when you're saying somebody has game. But why do you need game? So far, I've been able to get any girl I've met and talked to, interested in me, and also to reveal any information I want about her, without putting any conscious effort into it. On multiple occasions I have been complimented for my charm, but I don't know how I'm doing it. And when I do win her over, I usually don't know what to do, so you may see the problem. I actually don't want anything with the girls I make smalltalk to.

See, I'm rarely interested in one-night stands and superficial girls, I have lots of friends who are girls, and which I can turn into something more at any time, given one hangout. But I lose interest very quickly since it's so goddamn easy.

The only thing I like are fiery, strong, independent and intelligent women. They are the sexiest of the crowd. Don't get me wrong, there are girls better looking than these, but, in my opinion these are complete women. They have a no-bullshit policy about men and extremely high criteria (although that doesn't mean you actually have to meet the standards). This attitude you can see from the very first moment.

See, these girls are mostly avoided since they usually frighten even the guys with the best looks. They are going to make you work for anything you want with them.

Currently, I'm finding this one girl particularly challenging. Two things, one she is all of the above, she also turns heads, a lot of them, and the most important part, she's planned her next two years out: no relationships, strictly college, and then she'll find someone after that. A piece of fine work this one is, but I'm betting it all that getting all that armor down and off of her, she'll be the best one so far.

I've done quite a bit, and if she didn't have this no relationship policy and wasn't hardheaded, this would have been done a lot sooner. I've only one thing left I reckon, showing her she can balance a relationship with college and she's mine.

So I wanted, if you're interested a different perspective. I've got her teasing me, telling me anything I want to know about her, jokingly hitting me, smiling everytime she sees me, and hanging out with me anytime I ask, extremely warm. One other thing I've failed to mention is that usually she's open, communicative with guys, but never warm, in any kind of way. Alone with me, feels like she's melting but doesn't want to show it. Have I misinterpreted this?

One mistake I know I'm making is, I'm not giving her a clear signal as to what I want with her yet (as I'm not sure myself), but I've set a slow "hanging out" (that's the best term in English I could come up with, other than pre-relationship) pace with her, and made it continuously progress.

Don't mistake me for a fool, I have several girls on different "progress levels". I could go on more, but I don't have the will anymore.

Main thing I can advise you is, make the girl smile, if you want a relationship (one-night stands are a different thing). Funny is real important to any girl.

Brian Mallister's picture

Hey Chase,

So I've been studying your articles for a little over a year now, slowly improving my game, and of course taking more and more girls to bed. (To anyone with doubts about the legitimacy of this site, it's content or Chase himself, I PROMISE you this stuff works.) You've literally changed my way of thinking when approaching girls.

Now I still consider myself very inexperienced, very amateur level.. however applying what I've learned here I've been able to sleep with 11 different girls in the past 6 months, ALL on the first date. I've made it a rule now. As you've beaten into our heads time and again.

Which now brings me to this article. My most recent lay is a bit different. I really like this girl, she seems really into me as well. What's funny is I was absolutely adamant on NOT using this site once I make the girl my lover. Never liked the idea of using game while in a relationship. However reading through this article , it makes TOO much sense for me not to apply these strategies. Another home run Chase.

Thanks for everything brother!

Aggripa's picture

Spot on sir, however:
What about a potential mate you work with?

Marije's picture

As a girl on this site, I find it very informational. There are great articles.

But I have met this guy.. i've got his number, I went to him.. He took me out for dinner and a movie and then to sleep at his house.. - Nothing happend!
But we hugged a lot.. and I think he would have kissed me if I didn't break it... - He hold my face in his hand, I hugged him (as a thank you for something) and he starred in my eyes - I don't know if I really want a lover.. or if I am ready of that.
And then comes the problem that he lives on the other side of the country and traveling is expensive.. so I can't go there as often.
So yeah.. I think I need a little advise on this.

Greatings from a girls (21) in the Netherlands!

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