How to Be Playful: 4 Tips You'll NEED | Girls Chase

How to Be Playful: 4 Tips You'll NEED

how to be playfulA reader writes in:

Hey man been a LONG time since I've emailed you! But I've been keeping up with the site and I love both you and Ricardus advice just awesome all around. The one thing that has INFINITELY thrown me off about the site is the sort of serious tone.

You guys understand pickup so well its scary sometimes lol! But one thing I realized yesterday was how important a bit of playfulness and humor is in pickup.

...

Maybe a post on how to inject playfulness into an interaction, because that is one thing I think that has really helped supercharge my interactions in the past. The ones that I had a playful attitude about were the ones where my success was higher. Whereas when I had this "I'm coming to pick you up" vibe it kind of scared some girls off because they weren't used to that level of directness but I believe if I had that playful side I could have saved the interaction.

He raises a good point.

I've actually stayed away from talking about how to be playful on here for a long time because being playful is one of those things most guys who are new to learning about getting girls place way too much focus on and overdo.

If you've been through this site, you know there's a strong emphasis here on actively avoiding trying to get yourself making girls laugh all the time and on showing why fun is overrated for making headway with the women you like.

And all this might lead you to believe you ought to be Mister Serious in all of your interactions with women.

But if THAT's the impression you've got, then we've got a little reconditioning to do.

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his Mastery Package.

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Comments

Phil's picture

Dude I love you. I always ask my friends that are good with girls how do they do it. They always reply idk I just do it. For them it comes naturally(since they've put in hours of practice) but they can never explain their experiences or they can't put their insights into words. Fortunately for me and many others you guys made this website, and it has changed my life completely. For that I thank not only you Chase, but to all that make this website happen. Your work is much appreciated! Also I was hoping you guys could do a post on what to wear. I'm not sure if you have any post on brands of clothing or stores to shop at, if you do my mistake. I've been trapped in my mind with what to wear since I usually wear basketball clothing(footlocker), and it's been bugging me cause I know baggy clothes are unattractive. Any help will be cool. Drink lots of water and stay out of traffic!

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Hey Phil,

That's awesome to hear, and you're very welcome (from me and the team!). Hopefully you keep the change momentum up, here and in every aspect of life. There's always more to do.

Clothing-wise, yes, we definitely need a post on that here. Brand-wise, I've always found a lot of really interesting items at Guess, almost to the point where I won't buy stuff elsewhere much of the time. But I'll do a post on it soon.

Chase

Walls's picture

This is great, you are great, this site is great. Everything's great!

Just one question about this:
"You eye-code her during group conversations - e.g., some guy says something ridiculous, and you lock eyes with her and raise your eyebrows like, "What did that guy just say?" (she'll smile back and make some, "I KNOW!" look)"

I do these things sometimes, and I always feel as if that could be considered "tearing them down." Would that be considered reactive and/or tearing someone (the ridiculous guy) down?

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Hi Walls,

Solid question.

You typically want to do it when someone's either a) saying something COMPLETELY off the wall, or if b) someone's saying something embarrassing that the girl might conceivably guess you share the same viewpoint on (I'll occasionally be out with some guy who just has no social sense, and you hate to have to throw the guy under the bus, but if he's going to shoot himself in the face socially and you can't stop him, it's better to cordone him off in his own little social awkwardness bubble, at least until you can take him aside and explain).

You can also do a milder version of this in milder situations. e.g., someone starts going off on a wild tangent, or ranting about strongly-held political views or something like that, and you make eye contact with your girl and widen your eyes like, "Whoa."

In these cases, it's actually necessary to show SOME sentiment, because if you don't people will assume you're just going along with it and hence yielding leadership to some off-the-wall person. But you don't want to get into challenging them directly on their craziness, because then you'll end up in a pointless fight debating worthless arguments. Women are aware of this, and when you give them a little hint like this, it's a way of reassuring them, "Trust me, I'm as put off by this as you are."

So - there is a degree of knocking the other guy in there, but it's slight and it's called for, which makes its effect almost entirely positive. Sort of like if some guy walks up to your girl and starts calling her names and you get her away from there and then say, "That guy was an ASSHOLE." Yeah, you're knocking him, but it's called for, and she'll bond with you more because she KNOWS you're on her side, not that crazy guy's side.

Chase

Phil's picture

Thanks for the reply chase, ill def keep up the momentum I've always been a proponent of self improving. Ill check guess out and looking forward to the what to wear post. Keep up the great work, and this site is gonna be huge in no time. Peace.

Dick's picture

Great post, it goes against a lot of what I have learned from other guys. I thought maybe I was just doing it wrong but this makes a lot of sense. So after reading your other posts about not having to be funny or make girls laugh, I went the ultra serious route. It's been working better for me, but I feel like a jack-ass inside. After reading this, I'm gonna have to reprogram this stuff!

Hunt's picture

Hey Chase, like the post :)

I was wondering about the "reducing tension" part of this article. Is some of this tension actually sexual tension rather than just plainly social tension? If so, then would it be a good idea to still keep some of the tension there? I think that if all of the tension went away, then so would that mysterious and exicting vibe, and the girl would be left with just a cool, comfortable guy rather than a sexy, dangerous one.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Hey there Hunt,

Good question.

Tension can be a lot of things. The tension we're primarily relieving here is social tension... e.g., she doesn't know what to say and it feels awkward. Or, it feels like she's being expected to say or do something and it's awkward.

You'll typically shift the playfulness as you progress through an interaction more towards sexualized nonverbal playfulness and chase framing that serves to use playfulness and humor to actually increase sexual tension.

For instance, you'll be using it to create sexual thougths and expectations in her, and then you simply won't answer them (like, you pick a girl up, spin her around, then stop for a second and stare into her eyes seductively, then slowly pull away).

You want to reduce social tension (usually; unless she's socially adroit and is purposely raising social tension, but that's a special circumstance), while creating sexual tension (but not letting it get too high until you're ready to take her to bed).

Cheers,
Chase

Leonard's picture

Thank you so much .. though is too late for me that i came across your article. i was actually googling "why the girl i like doesn't want to talk/text to you." Then i found yours.

i have read a couple of it and you make me realize what i should actually do. i like this girl, she's my classmate, told her i like her and then all the mistake man would do that you have mention from all the previous article. Had actually came true. i think i can describe myself as a nice guy .. do alot of things for her. I went out with this girl for 6 times now. Yes we never bedded cause i have a mindset of sex after marriage and i think i will still stick to that. Then she told me that she treat me as a friend after i confess to her, guess i am in the friend-zone right ? haha. We are still going out now even though i confess to her but it is getting cold as ever. i'm actually very tired.. mentally.

So thanks again ! i think i will drop off and move on

Leonard

p.s
your article is awesome !

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Hi Leonard,

Glad the article helped. Sounds like you've got the right idea with the girl... let her go.

As you work on yourself and get more experienced with women, she might come back. Or she might not. But you'll meet lots and lots of girls as you go along and upgrade yourself and your skill set, so to speak.

It looks like you're really just getting started.

Best,
Chase

Wowed! :))'s picture

Wow!! I came across your site by accident!
It's just great!
I'm a girl and I truly think your website should be taught to boys at school!! Like as a compulsory subject! ;)

Anonymous's picture

I absolutely agree with the above comment. I am a girl and talking of the above article, when I look back at all the guys I dated - I cherish the time spent with the ones that are playful. It took only 2 weeks for this playful guy to make me fall in love with him as compared to the one that I dated for 3 months and did not feel anything more than friendship.

Anonymous's picture

Ok so how do we become good at this.
Its all easier said than done when your not a natural. Sometimes you don't think on your feet to come up with a clever thing to say.

lux's picture

Chase, I have been having situations where the pause dragged longer but I didn't say anything, just kept staring at her as she got more and more nervous.

I didn't wanna be the one to "crack", yet didn't seem the perfect result as the goal shouldn't be to "show you're the stronger one", especially if the silence then makes things a bit too awkward.
What do you think?

EDIT:
LOL, I know you're not answering comments since a while, but I'm just giving it a try anyway :D

lux7's picture

Well, I'll answer myself lol :)

I think letting her speak first is good... As long as you don't come across as creepy during that silence.

With a seductive smile on, feel free to let her speak first.

Then you smile again and go along with her topic, with a smile, as if to say "yeah, I know what happened there, there was some sexual tension and you just relieved it".

Then move the interaction along towards sex.

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