Getting Past Small Talk | Girls Chase

Getting Past Small Talk

Small talk is one of those things in life that it pays well to be good at -- but also pays equally well to move beyond as quickly as possible. When you've just met someone new, dwindling on small talk can be one of the most stultifying "nowhere zones" to end up in. Many a great new connection has been lost by the conversationalists' inability to move past this sometimes daunting formality.

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his Mastery Package.

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Comments

Eddie's picture

I did basically everything you said in that article yesterday and it's cool because I'm reading this article today. The girl I was talking to complimented me on all those things. The fact that we were able to move past the surface and delve into some really deep things in a matter of minutes. It really is a cool thing to do

Kmillz's picture

Have you ever skied the alps? lol

Anonymous's picture

There is some really perceptive analysis on this site. Well done, Chase! It seems like PUA's keep building and improving on knowledge and techniques and Chase has taken it to the next level. You're at the cutting edge right now, I believe. Your info. is helping me greatly, so thank you very much!

Jogi's picture

Hey Chase

Keep up the good work!! Well anyways I've hang out with this girl and I was able to past small talk( thats what I think it is). Well, at the begining it was really boring we weren't talking something fun but I turned it upside down and we went on an intersting subject. Anyways, we would be on that subject for a couple of minutes and then when I got nothing to say, I would dramatically change subject. I don't know if that is a good way to do it or correct me on how I can stay on a particular subject for long and avoid akward silence. Well, we we're talking and when it comes to the point where he have nothing to say, I tend to think hard on what I could say to her. It doesn't come easy on me. And also a problem that I got is how I can do with the touching? How can I confort her without going to far? How can I make her touch me more than I touch her?

Thanks

Andre's picture

Hey jogi, I read your posteriormente, and about the aekward silence, man think too much . when there is a silence after a deeptalk, its a good sign, because u have built better connection, let the silence happen and give it time , dont rush on saying things. That silence moment is the brain making a connection, wich leads to love . big hug !

Andrakis's picture

Hey Chase, first of all thanks for all the great insights, I'm trying to get out there and implement at least some of it. My main problem though is that I just don't know where to find girls my age or close to it (18). Part of my dilemma is because frankly I'm a coward but I'm also limited because I'm a Christian (no sex before marriage, no drinking etc). I don't go nightclubbing and I don't go to all that many parties. I find it difficult to interact with people in those environments. Do you know of any quieter places I can meet girls? Or should I just grow some balls and go clubbing? I just want to date some interesting girls

Anonymous's picture

Im a practicing christian as well, and there is NOTHING wrong with going to parties or nightclubs. To be honest it is annoying when christians dont do "normal" sociable human being things.

You dont need to drink, and in fact at 18 you have a legitimate excuse if youngo to a bar or nightclub since they will stamp your hands so you cant order drinks. Go to a party with friends and be the DD or drive yourself and say you cant drink because you have to drive soon. I would rather be sober -- or closer to sober than drunk -- to talk girls anyways, thats just how i feel comfortable.

However, some good places you can go to is a bookstore, grocery store, in your small group/bible study, or even on the street (college campuses equals goldmine!). Saying you cant find girls your age means one of two things, lazy or coward. Dont be either of these and youll be finding yourself some girls to talk to.

One last thing, dont judge girls if they arent christians or if they party or sleep around, not only will you lose a girl who may be amazing, but they will look down on you and look down on christians. Jesus said to love everybody.

sam's picture

Chase, your blog is great! I'm really thankful I've ran into it. :)

The other night I was chatting on FB with a girl that I like and it felt like I was asking one question and she'd just answer and not ask me any questions. The conversation was mostly focused on her. Am I asking the wrong questions, reading into this too much or is she just not interested in me?

Thoughts? Suggestions? Thanks.

Anonymous's picture

Sam,
There is nothing more enjoyable to a woman than being able to talk about themselves. When they talk about themselves more and begin to open up to you, they feel, in a way, connected to you. Therefore, are willing to do more with you..

Joe's picture

Hey Chase, I introduced myself to a girl at a Stop and Shop by complaing about a torn bag at the meat counter, we went from laughing about it to small talk and I started to get nervous not being able to think of what to say so SHE realized this and started talking about her school commute. While we talked she would play with her necklace and when we both realized I couldn't keep the conversation going she mentioned she's "always around" (she works there). Should I move on or should I approach her again next time I see her?

Chad's picture

Very very insightful! That shed a lot of light on my own difficulty with conversations

Dick's picture

Oh god... I tried all these things and the date I just had failed terribley. I thought things were going okay, maybe a little awkward because we couldn't get past small talk despite my efforts. So I got her to move with me thinking this will give us a distraction. I made a move and she seemed receptive, but it still felt awkward. After this she kept looking away from me and would stay quiet when I was trying to talk to her. Suddenly things were in shambles. I could tell she wanted to leave so I just drove her home... What an awful feeling. I'm still clueless.

Anonymous's picture

to me it sounds like you need to work on your humor. try tying it in next time.

if anything it's all about balance and control at all times. if you're just talking and it's serious/neutral the entire time it gets too heavy.

Anonymous's picture

I gotta admit Chase, I've stumbled onto this site yesterday and I've been hooked on it like crack. You write extremely well and your capability to expound and illustrate the subject matter is probably the best i've seen. This is probably the last 'seduction' site i'll really ever read.

Quick backstory:

This past year, I've been on a whole life transformation thing after a breakup. I had forgotten how to be in the 'game'. I was clueless in my early 20's when I was single and just 'luckily' got with my ex (i was slightly above average looking and in good shape). Life happened, people changed, we broke up. It's kind of funny, when i think about how I got girls back in my younger days, it was by being passive. Girls would be the ones that would initiate with me and i'd just have to manage to not fuck it up. You have no idea how many times i fucked up or how many times I yearned for a particular girl but never had the balls to go get her because i was afraid of being reject. Alas, post breakup last December (I was 31, now 32) I went on a tear, going out and just being sloppy and randomly hooking up with girls. I just didn't care, i was upfront about what i wanted talked to people openly. Didnt hold back, no fear. The thing is, I wasnt really aware of what I was doing. I was half smashed most of the time so I just didnt really mind what i said.

It was then that a buddy pointed out my apparent success with women and asked me if I had read 'The Game'. At the time, i hadnt, i grabbed it shortly there after and went down the PUA/Seduction path.

I'd read all the typical bullshit stuff, the gimmicky shit, all the dumb phrases. In the beginning I tried some of those 'tricks'. It just didnt feel right to me, i kept going out and doing my thing though. Over the course of time, I got ride of 90% of my approach anxiety. Today, i can say that I am pretty much a war machine when I'm at a bar. I see a girl, I imagine bungee jumping, and just jump into it. No thought. Just action. Im not afraid of rejection. I know there are plenty of women out there. Its funny, back in the day I used to watch what a lot of the successful guys were doing wondering what the hell they had that I didnt. Now, I dont even realize there are other guys at the bar. Literally, I feel like i dont even see them. When i'm out, i'm only looking at which women i want to talk to. Nothing else is a factor.

Anyhow, I've taken to your blog as a refresher and deeper insight. Reading this article in particular really solidified what i had always been good at. Even prior to getting into the whole chasing women thing, I've always been the 'sticky' guy. Someone who gets people deeply. The one who people have the deep talk with. I'm a good listener as well as a good conversationalist. I can extrapolate peoples past and current thoughts based on very brief conversation. It freaks girls out sometimes when I can tell them about their past or how they are without me really even knowing them.

Your deep dive is spot on. You just gotta know how to ask leading questions and follow ups and generally be interested in knowing the other person. if you're doing it just for the end result, it will not come off as authentic and will probably be counter productive.

Keep up the good work, your articles are very well written and thoughtful

Mr Engel's picture

This is awesome. I'm trying this now, just being more warm with people and the response has been staggering. Keeping it fun, light-hearted, playing around and ascending from small-talk. Trying now to deep dive. This website is awesome!

Anonymous's picture

i am loving this site,especially about this topic because am just getting hoocked up with a certain girl and apparently she single
i just want to know how i can make it go deep like that...

greg's picture

"A really cool study I saw quite recently found that how connected to you a given person feels has nothing to do with how well that person knows you, and everything to do with how well that person thinks you know her."

Do we have this study?

wardog's picture

Chase,

I would be grateful if you could shed some light onto this:

A problem I keep running into these days is, that girls complain that the conversation is all about them and that they don't know anything about me.

That's right. They complain that it's all about them. This really confuses me, I do this on purpose of course, because all the material on here teaches to make the conversation about her and that she doesn't need to know too much, if anything, about you.

One girl even told me that I come across as a "player", because i mostly gave her vague answers when she asked about me.
I gave it some thought and reread the chapter on attainability from your ebook, and I guess I'm indeed having some attainability problems here.

So it seems to be important to share some information about you, in order to make her feel comfortable, taken seriously and build trust. On the other side I have learned to make it all about her and reveal as little as possible about yourself.

Did I misunderstand something, do i take it too far? It's hard for me right now to decide, how much i should reveal about myself in order to be mysterious, but without coming across as a "player".

How to walk this line?

- wardog

Ya's picture

Hi, the article is interesting but I have to ask one itching question: what if there is nothing to relate to, how can you relate? I'm fine with letting the other person do all the talking, but the problem comes with relating. let's say I was conversating with that girl who works at the university, I'm new to town and I don't know anyone who works at that university, how can I relate to her? and many other examples like this (I don't know anyone from Portland, how can I relate to this person), this is what is itching me to ask here, thanks!

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