Breaking Circle

Several nights ago, I was out with a friend in a nightclub, and I noticed a cute platinum blonde German girl standing next to him not doing anything while the two friends she was with, a girl and a guy, flirted back and forth. "You should talk to that girl," I suggested. So he did, and she happily engaged.

At one point though, he turned to me and said, "Chase, where did you say you were from again?" and then introduced the girl to me and told her where I was from. She quickly jumped off of him and rotated around to my side, away from him, and began chatting me up. I flirted with her, pinched her arm a bit, had her tell me why she was in China if she disliked it so much. My buddy eventually roped her back in again, and I withdrew. She peeled off and left a short time later.

After she left, I asked my friend a question: "Why did you introduce her to me? Did you run out of conversation with her?" He said that no, things had just been slowing down, so he thought perhaps adding another interesting person to the mix might spice the interaction up a bit.

"Dude," I said, "you broke circle. Never be the first to break circle when you're talking to a girl." He didn't know what I meant, so I explained.

The Master's Wheel of Seduction

There's a scene in the movie The Mask of Zorro where the elder Zorro is training the younger Zorro-to-be. The elder Zorro puts the younger in a ring of concentric circles and tells him this is called a training circle, or a master's wheel. "This circle will be your world," he tells him, "your whole life. Until I tell you otherwise, there is nothing outside of it."

The younger Zorro interrupts to raise an objection about another person, but the elder Zorro corrects him: "There is nothing outside of it," he tells him. "As your skill… improves, you will progress to a smaller circle."

In seduction, we can think of there being these circles as well – maybe we'd call ours a "circle of focus" – and like Zorro, as you progress in the social arts, your circle contracts. You get a smaller and smaller circle, which means you get more and more intimate conversations going on with women.

I've seen this termed different things. Some men call it "bubbling;" other men call it "vibing." A guy not using any kind of fancy terminology might say, "It was amazing, we were really connecting!" Women often refer to this as "chemistry." Having a tight circle of focus where the two of you are engaged in good conversation and increasingly ignoring the outside world is something you very much want to get going on.

Here's what a small circle of focus with a girl does for you:

• It shuts out the outside world and makes everything about just the two of you.
• It allows a girl to begin putting her guard down, as she enters an increasingly close-feeling conversation with you.
• It communicates to her that you really like and enjoy talking to her.
• It makes things feel special and magical and unique and wonderful.
• It gets "teamwork" going on and puts you both on the same team.

As you contract your circle, and make things increasingly close in conversation with a gal, she tends to feel more and more comfortable with you, and excited by you. Contracting your circle of focus very closely is an important part of using deep dives successfully and really getting to know a lot about a woman with speed and efficiency.

There's just one problem: other people tend to like nudging their ways into closed circles. And they will often stand there next to you and stare at you and put social pressure on you until you let them in. The response of most men to this kind of social pressure, from what I see, is typically to just bow to that social pressure and engage this new person… but, as it turns out, that's exactly what you don't want to do.

Why You Mustn't be First to Break Circle

That night while talking to my friend after the German girl had left, I told him never to be the first to break circle, because when you break circle, you give the impression to the girl you were speaking with that you really weren't that interested.

I gave him a reverse example: say you were talking to a girl. At one point, she said, "Oh, let me introduce you to my friend," and then she did. And then the friend took over talking, and she stopped talking to you. Suddenly, it feels like the girl you were talking to wasn't really all that interested in you, doesn't it? Even if she pulls you in and starts talking to you again, now it feels a little weird and awkward because it seems like she's just being social and is not attracted.

That's what happened with the German girl. "She got put onto me," I told my friend, "and ended up feeling like the guy she'd been talking to – you – really didn't dig her all that much."

You want girls to feel like you like them. If they don't feel that way, they don't get comfortable around you, and if they don't get comfortable, they don't open up, and they don't let you move things forward with them.

The root cause of this problem is the guy being the first to break the circle. So, the rule of thumb you want to follow is, never be the one to break circle first. If the circle must break, let the girl be the one who does the breaking.

My friend said he felt like he ought to introduce me, but I said that no, actually, he should've just kept talking to his girl, and if she really wanted to meet me she'd ask for an introduction. And then it'd be fine, and he wouldn't take any kind of a hit to how much she felt he was into her, because she'd be the one initiating the breaking of the circle, not him.

Another example: you're standing there talking to a girl, and another person walks up and stands outside your circle, right next to both of you, staring at one or both of you. Maybe it's a friend of hers; maybe it's a guy who wants to be a tough guy to you or try and steal her from you; maybe it's some random person who decided he or she wants to come make new friends with you and your recent female acquaintance. What do most men do?

"Oh, hi, I'm so-and-so, who are you?"

Wrong. All wrong. You've just taken a great, tight, close interaction you were having with a girl you liked and brought another person into it, thereby breaking circle and lowering the odds you get together with this girl. Why?

The answer of course is social pressure. When someone is standing outside your circle wanting to get in, he or she is placing social pressure on you to yield and admit him / her. But doing so says some bad things about you:

• Your focus is not on the woman. If you were focused on a girl, like really, really immersed in conversation with her, how much heed do you think you'd be paying to outsiders? Yeah, that's right – none, right? It's just the two of you. When you break the circle and invite new people in, you're communicating to a girl that you really weren't all that engrossed in conversation with her, and really weren't all that into her in the first place.

• You're a friendly, social guy, not a sexy, focused one. Related to the first point, women know the kind of men who sweep them off their feet quickly and into bed: it's the men who are sexy and focused. And sexy, focused men don't get sidetracked into needless conversations with random people. They know what they're after, and they pursue it with targeted resolve. They'll talk to others sociably if need be, but they aren't going to break their circles without very good reason. When a woman watches you opt to break circle, you're communicating you aren't really focusing on getting together with her with a laser sight, or anything of the sort. You're more haphazardly socializing than zeroing in on a pretty girl you want to bed.

• You bow to social pressure. A socially powerful man can stand there with hard social pressure being layered upon him by others and not bat an eyelash. "If someone really wants to talk to me," I think to myself these days, "he can man up and grab his balls and introduce himself, not stand there hovering on the outside staring at me." And it won't be just you – the more socially savvy a woman is, the better able she is to resist social pressure as well. Your ability to withstand social pressure is a sign of strength and power and attractiveness – so actually, you ought to make it a point to show women how resilient you are in the face of social pressure whenever it's socially appropriate to do so. Bowing to an outsider who wants in to your circle is bowing to social pressure. What has he or she done to deserve entry, other than stare at you and demand it?

For those reasons, you must never be the one who breaks circle first. If it must be done, let the girl do it.

When Your Circle Breaks

What to do then when you're standing there talking to a cute, awesome girl, and some other person comes up and stands there looming on the outside, putting pressure on you to let him or her in?

Ignore them. Pretend they aren't there. Keep talking to your girl.

But wait, won't they be offended?

Think about it like this. Have you ever had a buddy talking engrossed to a girl, and gone up and tried to get their attention? Did you feel pissed off at the girl for continuing to talk animatedly to your friend? No, of course not; she's engrossed in talking to him, so you'd expect her to want to keep talking to him and maybe not have noticed outsiders at all.

But if on the other hand she peeled off and turned to you and said, "Hi, what's your name?" how'd you feel about that? Well, you'd probably think, "Oh, I guess she's just being social and not really all that into my friend."

And despite what you might think, women rarely block their friends with guys they like who like them back. Rather, the ones friends make no qualms interfering with are the guys they think are just being social, because they figure the girls aren't going to get with these guys anyway if the guys are just being friendly social chaps and not trying to get together with the girls.

So you want the subcommunication to the friend on the outside to be, "We really, really like each other – look how engrossed we are in conversation. Neither of us wants to stop talking to the other for some person on the outside." The longer the friend waits before the circle breaks to include her, the better.

If the girl you're speaking with breaks circle herself, be friendly and sociable with the new person, but don't go overboard. Your object basically is to be kind and polite while keeping this new person feeling like he or she is still outside the circle. There should be no doubts in the mind of anyone else attempting to enter the circle that what you want is to continue focusing on the girl, and that this other person is a bit of an interloper. Don't be mean or cold, just… warmish, but largely neutral.

So, a girlfriend of hers comes up, for example, and stands there looking at the two of you. You remain engrossed in conversation with your girl – not even a glance over at the other girl; there's no indication from you that you're anything other than engrossed in conversation with the girl you're speaking with. After thirty seconds or so, your girl turns to her friend. "Hey!" she says. You turn your head slowly in the friend's direction and smile warmly, then let your eyes glance down a bit then off to the side, as if saying, "I'll let you two talk." And then you wait patiently.

Now the social pressure is on the two girls: this new person, to say her piece and then let the two of you get back to talking, and your conversation partner, to find out what her friend wants and then return to your conversation. Your girl may introduce you to her friend, in which case you'll be polite and make a little small talk, but you're not there to socialize and make a bunch of new friends. You're there to get to know this girl you're with better. If you pull this off properly, the friend will almost always excuse herself.

An extension to not breaking circle is dealing with disruptive people (and disruptive men).

When someone comes up and addresses you directly, run it through the girl before addressing this person. This shows solidarity with your girls and communicates to her she's your #1 priority.

So, a somewhat belligerent man walks up to you while you're talking to a girl and says, "Hey, that's my friend."

Your response? You pause, slowly look at him curiously out the side of your eye, perhaps tilting your head in his direction ever so slightly, then look back at the girl you were speaking with and say, "Someone you know?" She will then either introduce him ("Oh, sorry, this is my friend John") or she'll dismiss him ("Uh, not really, he's my friend's friend"). Either way, you can then proceed to be polite and cordial with him, while keeping the subtle social pressure on for her to speak with him and finish up if she speaks with him, or you can try ignoring him if she is dismissive of him, or simply move her elsewhere ("Come on, let's go grab a seat").

When new people try to break your circle by addressing you, you should always address the girl first for the following reasons:

• She acts as a filter. This way you don't let someone into your circle that neither of you like. This is especially useful with randoms or friends-of-friends she doesn't really know whom she might not want joining your circle but whom you, if you addressed them directly without first checking with her, might assume are good friends of hers and give a warm welcome to… possibly even leading to her leaving while you stand there talking to this new person.

• You show her that you care most about her. Whom you address first in situations like this communicate what your priority is: the girl, being social with anyone who addresses you, etc. You want the girl to know she's your priority, not just socializing with anyone who happens to want a piece of your time and attention. This becomes especially true in situations where many people want to talk to you, at, say, networking events, or parties you've helped organize or are the guest of honor at.

• You show the other person, with subtlety and grace, that he or she is interrupting. Sometimes people may not realize they're being rude and interrupting a private conversation. Other times they may think that others are subject to their whims and they can act with impunity. By instead addressing your conversation partner first, you communicate to these others that they really are "outside" your circle of two, and the social pressure is on them to say what they need to say and excuse themselves.

This is true even for friends of yours. Hopefully, you seek to surround yourself primarily with wonderful, socially skillful and intelligent people who will only help you to further your goals and objectives, but especially if you are new to self-improvement, you may still spend time with people who are a little socially blind and deaf. When you have friends try to jump into a one-on-one conversation you're having with a girl, you should respond to them as you would anyone else.

When your friends interrupt you, talk to the girl first: "Oh, this is my friend Chris, he's one of the buddies I'm here with tonight," then talk to your friend, politely but coolly: "Hey bro, what's up?" Don't get too involved with conversation, and don't be afraid to excuse yourself. "Great, man. Well, I'm having a conversation right now, but why don't I catch up with you in a little bit?"

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Once you've gotten down the mindset of not breaking circle – and once you know what to do when your circle does break, to no fault of you own – you'll have gotten past the troubling issue of circles breaking and women leaving because they felt excluded, marginalized, or generally socially uncomfortable. You'll be a savvy socialite with a tighter circle of focus, and women will feel open and looked out-for in your presence. Expect less challenging from women and more teamwork and cooperation as a result. This is one of the pieces you want in place to get yourself forming "teams" with new women with speed – and teamwork and cooperation is essential to making a seduction succeessful.

Best,
Chase Amante