Bring the Energy: Being the Life of the Party

My good friend David – who also goes by “Asian Rake” – made a point some time ago that set the gears working in my head. He said something along the lines of, “You know what I’ve realized all naturals have in common? They build up the energy of everyone around them.”

This was something I’d thought about a little before, but hearing someone say it outright hit me like a bolt out of the sky.

Of course! That’s what naturals do, and that’s why everyone likes them so much. That’s what *I* am doing on my best nights. That’s what *YOU* have no doubt done on YOUR best nights.

Any person – man or woman – who is a truly fun, likeable, sociable person is considered as much because he or she builds up the energy of everyone around him or her. People who bring the energy make others feel good; they make them feel included; they practically FORCE them to have fun.

But all this, I’ve heard from a few folks, seems a bit ephemeral. How exactly, they ask, do you bring the energy? How do you become the life of the party – not the zany guy bouncing around, or the overtalkative fellow blabbing on and on, but the real genuine life?

So that’s what I’m writing about today. An in-depth, step-by-step look at what it means to really bring the energy – and how you can easily do it yourself.

First off, to get an idea, think if you can of someone you know whom EVERYBODY loves. Someone whom everyone absolutely loves to be around, to spend time with, to hang out with. How is this person with others? He or she is no doubt all of these:

- fun
- happy
- inclusive
- seemingly carefree

Others gravitate towards him or her because when they are in this person’s presence, they get a boost to their own energy.

Socializing, and in turn seduction, is ultimately about energy transfer. If you make people feel good, they will want to be around you more and more. Period. It’s how you make loyal friends; it’s how you make women fall in love. You provide value to their life and you make them feel good.

When you make women feel good, they will seek you out. They will chase after you. They will come up to talk to you again if you talked to them earlier and drifted away. They will want to bring you along when they go places. They will want you to be a part of their lives.

Now into the nitty-gritty: how do you bring the energy, exactly?

There are three main ways:

- control the flow of the conversation
- be physically and verbally inclusive
- lead the group / person you are with

I’ll go into each and give further details here.

* Control the Flow of the Conversation: one of the ways you bring the energy is by avoiding negative and boring topics of conversation, and introducing positive and interesting/exciting topics of conversation. When conversation is negative and/or boring, people will want to get away. On the other hand, when conversation is positive and interesting, people will want to stay – and more people may even want to join!

More specific means of controlling the flow of the conversation:

- cut bad conversational threads. When people get onto negative or boring topics, both of which drain energy from the group, cut them. Change the topic and move onto something else.

- introduce positive and interesting conversational threads. Talk about something exciting that happened to you recently, or something interesting going on in the vicinity. If someone says, does, or is wearing something you genuinely like and appreciate, tell them. Ask people about things you know they like to talk about, or ask them how they spend their time and ask them to tell you more about those things they seem keen to talk about – particularly if those things are interesting to you!

- use energy when you speak. People who speak without excitement or enthusiasm or inflection in their voice, and without physical gestures, tend to be boring speakers, even if the content of what they’re saying is good. Be ALIVE when you talk, and entrance others not just with your words, but with the way you deliver those words.

* Be Physically and Verbally Inclusive: this can be one of the tougher things to do for people who are new to managing groups of people, but it can also be one of the most rewarding. If you want everyone in a group to feel like you are his or her friend, and to in turn be on your side, this is probably the best way of going about doing that. Include others, both when you are speaking, and when you are not, and they will be grateful to you. A few ways of doing that:

- make your stories and conversation interactive. Rather than just belt out a story, ask others to involve themselves. If you’re talking about a restaurant or bar you go to, after you say the name, ask your listener(s), “Ever been there?” If you’re talking about a favorite activity, ask your listener(s), “Have you ever done that?” or, “Isn’t it awesome when you get to do that?”

- be physically warm. Put your arm around people’s shoulders. Give girls and good guy friends of yours hugs when you see them. Give people light punches to the arm every now and then, especially if they are distracted. Give girls the “hip bump” if they seem distracted: slide up next to them and gently bump your hip into theirs, just enough to nudge them. Use physicality to make people feel both welcome and *focused* on you and the group and the conversation.

- remember the golden rule: if you interrupt someone’s story, or something else interrupts them, make sure you come back to them (provided, of course, that it was a good thread! Negative stories / conversational threads need not apply!). “So you were saying about the supermarket?” People frequently have things they want to talk about, and if you bring them back to it, they are grateful – and they tend to see you as someone who is very socially calibrated and someone who is paying attention.

* Lead the group / person you are with. Simply put, make decisions and cause movement. The feedback cycle is… leading a group brings energy to a group, and bringing energy to a group shows leadership. In doing one, you do the other. A more in-depth look:

- make decisions by stepping up to the plate when it’s called for. Particularly when the group is lacking in leadership. When people start saying, “What should we do?” or, “Where should we go?” or, “How should we do it?” they are basically saying, “I can’t decide… can anyone else decide?” This is when you say, “Let’s grab the table over there, it’s in the shade and should stay nice and cool all through lunch,” or, “Let’s hit up the dive bar, the big nightclub scene feels like a little much for tonight.” Others can agree or disagree, but more often than not, if you make a suggestion and back it up with a reason, they will be inclined to agree.

- cause movement. This is somewhat more advanced and requires more calibration. You need to have a good understanding of the way the group is functioning, and you need to be attuned to the group’s energy, because if you try to move people when they don’t want to be moved, it will be seen as an annoyance / distraction / state-breaker. So you want to be attuned… when the group seems to be bored / restless, cause some movement. “Hey, let’s check out the upstairs, that’s my favorite part of this club,” or, “Let’s hit up the pizza parlor next door, that place always has the best pizza.”

* * * *

By focusing on bringing that energy to the people around you, you’ll set yourself apart, in a great way. And not only that – you really, literally, will make the time people spend with you more fun, more positive, and all around better in general. In fact… you just might even have a ton of fun yourself!

Always,
Chase Amante