7 Ways to Touch a Girl + 3 Ways to Have HER Touch YOU


touch a girlEver find yourself wondering how to touch a girl in a smooth, natural, normal way?

Ever find yourself wondering how to get girls to touch you?

In the article on cognitive dissonance, a reader asks the following:

Now in my head during this conversation one of the single girls moved her leg under the table to rest against my leg and turned to say "I'm sorry" but before she could I raised my eyebrows in a flirty way of saying "Sure, put your leg on mine." Which I found quite ironic but then it got me thinking...

How can a guy not come across as "over touchy/trying to force/awkward" and more on the side of getting her thinking positive thoughts?

Like this commenter points out, the problem you run into with things you're inexperienced in is, they often feel forced.

And when touch feels forced... it feels really awkward.

And awkward is not really all that attractive.

So, in this article, we're going to have a look at seven (7) ways to touch a girl that she'll respond to and enjoy, and three (3) ways you can easily get her to take the initiative and touch you first.


touch a girl

First off, before we get into talking about touch... does touch even matter?

As a matter of fact, it does. As Ricardus talked about in his article on how to touch women, the simple act of your body coming in contact with hers causes the release of the hormone oxytocin into her blood, a trust and bonding chemical.

But that's not all:

The effect of touch on compliance to a request has traditionally been tested with small solicitation (answer to a small questionnaire, give a dime to a confederate ….). In our experiment a larger request was evaluated. Passersby, 53 men and 67 women, were asked by two confederates to look after a large and very excited dog for 10 minutes because each wanted to go into a pharmacy where animals were prohibited. In half of the cases, subjects were touched during the request. Analysis showed that, when touched, 55% of the subjects agreed with the request whereas 35% only in the no-touch control condition agreed. This finding indicates that touch was positively associated with the subjects’ compliance (p<.03).

That's from the research paper "An evaluation of touch on a large request: A field setting," published by Nicolas Guéguen and Jacques Fischer-Lokou in the journal Psychological Reports in 2002.

The finding in layman's terms equaled a 57% increase in the chances of someone agreeing to a request when that request was accompanied by touch, even when the request was coming from complete strangers.

And from "Courtship compliance: The effect of touch on women's behavior," again by Nicolas Guéguen, this time published in 2007 in Social Influence:

Previous research has shown that light tactile contact increases compliance to a wide variety of requests. However, the effect of touch on compliance to a courtship request has never been studied. In this paper, three experiments were conducted in a courtship context. In the first experiment, a young male confederate in a nightclub asked young women to dance with him during the period when slow songs were played. When formulating his request, the confederate touched (or not) the young woman on her forearm for 1 or 2 seconds. In the second experiment, a 20-year-old confederate approached a young woman in the street and asked her for her phone number. The request was again accompanied by a light touch (or not) on the young woman's forearm. In both experiments, it was found that touch increased compliance to the man's request. A replication of the second experiment accompanied with a survey administered to the female showed that high score of dominance was associated with tactile contact. The link between touch and the dominant position of the male was used to explain these results theoretically.

Here, the findings were that men got more "yes"es asking women to dance and trying to get a girl's phone number when these efforts were accompanied by touch.

The reason why, Guéguen found, was that the women touched by the men regarded these men as more attractive. And, as we discussed in "How Much Do Looks Matter for Romantic Success?," perceived physical dominance (i.e., touching) is a major attraction trigger.

If you want to look like an attractive dominant man, just touch a girl.


What Do Beginners Need to Know About Touch?

Here are the ground rules of touch that all beginners need to make sure they know (and stick to):

  1. Her upper arm, elbow, and the small of her back are best. At least when you're just getting started. Touching these areas is the easiest to do, won't come across too sexual by accident at the wrong times, and will allow you to learn touching easily. Touch her elbow or upper arm while making point; place your hand on her lower back while showing her something with your other hand, or if she's moves herself very close to you in a side-by-side position.

  2. Don't touch her face (too soon). People can be very sensitive about being touched on the face, unless they're very comfortable with you. A good way of thinking about it is this: she's probably more comfortable with you touching her breasts or butt than she is with you touching her face. Don't do this unless she's extremely at ease with you.

  3. Touch soon into talking to her. Take her hand when you first meet her (don't shake it, like you would a man... just take it, and hold her hand for a moment in yours, almost as if you were about to bend down and kiss it... but probably don't actually kiss it). Touch her intermittently as you talk. The longer you go into talking to a girl without touching her, the weirder it gets - get it out of the way ASAP, and make it a common, normal part of your interaction.

  4. Touching on a high point is easy and good. She's laughing? Laugh too - and touch her. Touching on high points - she's laughing, she's agreeing with you, she's smiling a big smile - anchors her positive emotions to your touch - making her come to subconsciously associate touching you with feeling good (and for obvious reasons, refrain from touching her when she's angry and/or upset). A high point touch can be cupping her elbow in your hand as she laughs, or it can be putting your hand on hers for emphasis at just the right moment - like George Clooney's character does with Jennifer Lopez's in this clip:


  1. Don't look at your hand. One of the (rather funny) things men inexperienced with touching girls tend to do is look at their hands while touching a girl. If you want an easy way to creep a girl out, just look at your hand as you touch her. Staring at your hand touching her is a surefire way to make things feel very forced and unnatural - the good news being, of course, that all you have to do if you're doing this to make it feel a whole lot MORE natural when you touch a girl is don't look at your hand.

  2. Be close to her when you touch. The other thing that can make touch awkward - aside from making eye contact with your hand instead of with her - is if touch comes from too far away. Imagine reach across a table to touch a girl on a high point... feels pretty weird, right? Feels even more weird to her. Get close - then touch. And when you're talking to a girl you like, you should be close anyway - there's no reason for standing far away like a pair of strangers when you'd like to be something more than that. Get inside her personal space if you want a personal relationship.

  3. The more (natural-feeling) touch, the better. Touch communicates physical dominance and triggers sexual tension between you and a girl quicker and more easily than almost anything else you can do as a beginner. When you're still inexperienced at creating a sexual vibe, touch is the easy shortcut to making her excited and preventing her from thinking about you as "just a friend."

  4. ... just don't go overboard. As mentioned in "Mastering Sexual Touch," it's important you stay away from venturing into touching women too sexually or intimately until you're alone with them. Touch a girl intimately too early, and she's liable to crest emotionally too early - then crash (and lose interest in you). Instead, keep her in suspense until you're ready to pull the trigger.

Don't make touch a big deal, and it won't be.

Just touch her arm, elbow, or lower back, don't look at your hand (look into her eyes and continue conversation as normal), and make sure you're close when you touch.


Touching Girls and Excitement Levels

Usually, the more you touch a girl, the more excited she's going to get... up to a point.

It's important that you're aware of escalation windows and attraction's expiration date. Attraction will peak as you touch her more and more, but if she starts really wanting something to happen - some progress, for you to kiss her, for you to make love to her - and this doesn't happen, she'll start going cold, into auto-rejection, and lose interest in you.

An easy way to think about touching girls is like this:

Touch is an attraction amplifier and a progress accelerator - it makes her more attracted to you, faster, but also puts more pressure on you to keep things moving fast so she doesn't get frustrated and lose interest.

Anytime you make someone want something - and if you're doing an even somewhat good job with touch, you will make women want you - you've got to be wary of making them want something so bad that, when nothing happens for too long, they end up thinking you're just a tease and are going to leave them hanging, and they get upset and storm off.

This is one of the weirdest things you will experience when you're new to touching girls - women losing patience with you and leaving in disgust.

It isn't because they didn't like you.

It's because they liked you a LOT... but you didn't back up all that touch with action (moving things forward).

The solution to this, of course, is when you start seeing it happen - move faster.


touch a girl

Now that you have a foundational understanding on how to touch a girl, let's get you doing some advanced stuff.

In this section, we'll discuss:

  • The 4 Different Kinds of Touch
  • The 7 Ways to Touch a Girl
  • The 3 Ways to Have Her Touch You

Let's dive in.


The 4 Different Kinds of Touch

In "4 Ways for Touching Women" we took a cursory perusal of the different kinds of touch. These are:

  • Incidental Touch
  • Protective Touch
  • Romantic Touch
  • Sexual Touch

Each touch is expressed in different ways, and is best used in different situations. Here's how they break down:

  1. Incidental Touch: incidental is your bread-and-butter touching. This is the touching you'll be doing with women incidentally, throughout your interactions with them. It's the touch you do on high points, and the touch you do while demonstrating things, and the touch you do almost by accident as a product of sheer proximity. Incidental is used to get her acclimated to your touch. Forms of incidental touch include:

    • Touching her upper arm while making a point
    • Cupping her elbow briefly while talking to her
    • Touching her stomach with your finger while talking
    • Resting your leg against hers as you sit very near one another
    • Lifting her wrist up to inspect the bracelet she has on
  2. Protective Touch: protective you'll use when leading or guiding a woman, though crowds, traffic, or in other chaotic or risky situations. This style of touch helps women to feel "safer" and more protected around you, and allows them to relax around you - and trust in your guidance and leadership more. Some examples of this are:

    • Placing your hand on her back while guiding her
    • Holding her hand while taking her through a crowd
    • Putting your arm out in front of her to stop her stepping into the street
    • Putting your arm around her shoulders while walking outside
    • Placing your coat or scarf around her to keep her warm
  3. Romantic Touch: this is the kind of touch you'll be doing once she's very comfortable with you and is completely open to you touching her - normally, once a fair bit of incidental and protective touch has already been established as your pattern of interaction with her. When you touch a girl romantically, you bring her emotions for you to an even higher peak, and get her even more ready for things to progress. Romantic touch includes such things as:

    • Holding her hand or hands
    • Stroking her head or hair
    • Lightly putting your fingertip on her nose
    • Running your hand over her cheek or chin
    • Kissing her (kissing is romantic touch)
  4. Sexual Touch: as mentioned earlier, you won't want to start engaging in sexual touch until you're somewhere alone together - otherwise, it's like cooking dinner two hours too early - by the time it's finally time to get down to business, everything's gone cold. Sexual touch are all the sexually exciting forms of touch that prepare a woman for intercourse, including:

    • Touching her inner thighs
    • Placing your hand on her butt
    • Rubbing her breasts and genitals
    • Kissing her neck or other parts of her body besides the mouth
    • Biting or nibbling on any part of her

The general guidelines for using these are:

  • Incidental: use early, and use often
  • Protective: use when it makes sense
  • Romantic: use 5 minutes before you're going to invite her home
  • Sexual: use when alone in private, immediately before getting intimate

Of these, incidental touch is the most important by far, but all four types of touching are important steps along the progression from stranger to lover.


7 Ways to Touch a Girl

touch a girlSo now you've got all this down.

You know it's important to start with incidental touch first, and that the more of it, the merrier. You know you need to get touching as soon as possible, to avoid there being a whole lot of awkwardness - or you ending up labeled a creepy guy or a nice guy and banished to the friend zone.

And you know you don't want to get too heavy, too fast with the touching - sexual touch outside of your place or hers is an absolute no-no if you want to get any further with her than just sexual touch.

What's the easy way of going about touching girls?

Here, find assembled a list of seven (7) ways you can touch a girl when you meet her and on a date to start hurtling things forward with her.

  1. The Introduction. You should always touch a girl when first meeting her - that means, take her hand and hold it for a moment while you introduce yourself, or, if you're feeling especially bold, use the cheek-kiss hand-hold introduction. The important part is that you get close enough to her on opening that you are inside her personal space, and that you break the tension gap so there isn't any unnecessary awkwardness between the two of you.

  2. The Compliance Ask. Getting investment from women is good; getting investment from women while also touching them is even better. Does she have an interesting ring, bracelet, or other accessory on you can ask her to show you? Do so, and take her arm or hand as you do. Necklaces and earrings can also be examined, though calibrate to the girl - some women are fine with you touching their ears and chests, while others are not. Rings / bracelets / watches are the safest bet for this. Not sure how to ask? See "Command Women (and Have Them Listen)."

  3. The Question Tap. When you want to ask her a question - especially if she's been momentarily distracted by something - one very good way of doing this is lightly tapping her. For this, a tap on the forearm or a light poke in the stomach serves best - the shoulder tap / upper arm tap to get someone's attention are a bit too cliché. If you're feeling playful, you can also try tapping her head - but if she's not the playful type, be warned this can backfire. Tapping her forearm or (gently) poking her stomach are always safe bets for this.

  4. The High Point. On a high point - when she's laughing, when the two of you are vibing and connecting really well, when there's electricity in the air - take advantage of the opportunity and touch her. The stronger the positive emotions, the more you ought to be touching her - anything from cupping her elbow with the palm of your hand, to putting your arm around her and pulling her in, to putting your hand on the small of her back, to even throwing her onto your lap. Judge it based on the intensity of the positive emotion - but when she's feeling good with you, touch. This does wonders for advancing your connection.

  5. The Lead. When it's time to move a girl, you usually want to make sure you're leading her, and the way you do that is with protective touch - guiding her with your hand on her back or your arm around her shoulders, leading her by holding her hand as you walk through a crowd, and keeping an eye out and stopping her from walking into traffic - whether foot traffic, or automobile. This establishes the bond between you, as two people sticking together during transition points, and reassures her that you're looking out for her and aren't only thinking about yourself.

  6. The Build Up. As she gets more and more comfortable with you and things become increasingly more electric, it's time for some romantic touch. That means things like holding and touching her hands, stroking her hair, and touching her nose, cheeks, or chin, or resting her head on your shoulder if you're sitting next to each other quietly. These make your intentions loud and clear - the two of you are bonding and touching in a way that friends never would.

  7. The Escalation. Once you've got her all alone, it's now time to move things toward physical intimacy. You do this via the process of physical escalation - gradually (or sometimes not so gradually) dialing up the intensity and sexuality of the touch that you're doing with her, right up until you get her in bed.

You can use these 7 ways for touching girls very consistently throughout pretty much every interaction you have with a girl you like, and if you progress in this order, you'll find it's a very smooth transition from strangers to lovers.

Just keep building up the touch... a little bit more... a little bit more... a little bit more...

But how about her? Is there a way to get her to touch you?


3 Ways to Get Girls to Touch You

In addition to you taking the initiative and touching them, there are also a trio of ways you can get women to touch you, too.

Here they are:

  1. Telling her to. This one's easy... you simply tell a girl to touch you, and she does. But does that count? I mean, you told her... Well, the way the subconscious mind works is a beautiful thing - and even though you told her to touch you, she still touched you of her own accord, and her subconscious mind registers this exactly the same as it would if she touched you and you hadn't said a word. Some examples of how you'd do this:

    • Extending your arm and telling or gesturing her to take it (to walk)
    • Holding out your hand to her for her to take (as you walk)
    • Telling her "Feel this" about something on you (a scar, a muscle, etc.)
    • Physically putting her legs over yours, or her hand on your thigh
    • Pointing to your cheek and having her kiss you there
  2. Getting her excited and leaning in close. Not all women will take this bait - it depends on how outgoing the girl herself is, and how comfortable with you she is - but when you have a woman getting increasingly excited around you (emotionally, sexually, etc.), and you're in close proximity to her and lean in closer, she'll frequently touch you of her own accord - especially on high points.

  3. Wear very interesting items (or have interesting features). If you're familiar with peacocking, you know you can wear items that will get you attention from girls. Often this can lead to women touching the item - e.g., I not infrequently will have women touch the Tibetan mandala pendant I described wearing in the article on fashion for men. Some women also like to touch big muscles, or interesting hairstyles, or attractive facial hair - it depends on the girl's tastes. But the more interesting your style, look, features, and accessories, the more touching you will tend to get by pure default.

The only one of these that's close to 100% consistent and fully in your control is #1, of course - but all three are good.

And when women start touching you, they start advancing the connection, conversation, and interaction with you themselves... which of course makes life for you a whole lot easier.


Wrapping Up How to Touch a Girl

So what's good about touch? Well, we know that:

  • Touch causes the release of oxytocin, a bonding and trust-forming chemical
  • Touch significantly increases individuals' willingness to make investment
  • Women find men who touch more physically dominant, and thus attractive

If you're a beginner, you'll want to pay attention to the following tips:

  1. Her upper arm, elbow, and the small of her back are best
  2. Don't touch her face (too soon)
  3. Touch soon into talking to her
  4. Touching on a high point is easy and good
  5. Don't look at your hand
  6. Be close to her when you touch
  7. The more (natural-feeling) touch, the better
  8. ... just don't go overboard

And you'll want to pay attention to excitement levels; it's easy to get girls excited with lots of touch, but if you get them too excited, too soon, you can risk having that excitement "pop" before you've had a chance to advance things to the two of you become lovers, and at that point her attraction quickly declines and she goes cold.

So don't overdo it before you're ready to do it.

There are four kinds of touch:

  1. Incidental
  2. Protective
  3. Romantic
  4. Sexual

... with incidental being the most common and vital for establishing you as a non-platonic person in her life, protective for allowing her to let her guard down around you, romantic for priming her for getting alone with you, and sexual for priming her going to bed with you as lovers.

The 7 ways to touch a girl in just about every interaction you'll have are:

  1. The Introduction
  2. The Compliance Ask
  3. The Question Tap
  4. The High Point
  5. The Lead
  6. The Build Up
  7. The Escalation

... and if you follow them closely, you'll have a pretty easy progression from strangers to something much more.

Lastly, for getting a girl to touch you, you have three weapons in your arsenal:

  1. Telling her to
  2. Getting her excited and leaning in close
  3. Wear very interesting items (or have interesting features)

After reading this, you should be sufficiently well-armed to go out and touch someone.

Not to mention have her touch you back.

Now, there's only one thing left to do - go put it all into practice.

Ciao,
Chase Amante

Related Articles from GirlsChase.com

Comments

Anonymous's picture

Women commanding Men and Rejection Rates


Hey Chase, this article is very insightful as are all the articles on this site.In the video Jennifer Lopez commands George Clooney to sit down,is this a test,how do you respond when a women try's to command you?

Is there a difference in percentage of rejections between night game (bars and clubs) and day game in your experience?What is a good rejection rate to strive for in both venues?

Ive only done day game up until this point because it feels more relaxed and comfortable to me,and I have a feeling that rejections in night clubs have more of a sting and are more frequent.

Chase Amante's picture

Responding to Commands / Rejection Rates`

Author

Anon-

When a woman commands you, assuming you're going to go along with the command and not brush it off, the best response is what Clooney did in that video - simply accept quietly without objecting or making a fuss about it, and move to the next thing. The less of a big deal you make it, the lower effort complying with the command appears, and the less investment you seem to be making, so you lose little and appear more in control (than, say, a guy who objects, then complies, or a guy who jokes around, then complies).

Rejection rates in day and night game vary quite widely depending on the guy, his style, his approach, the venue, etc. For instance, you can get an almost 0% rejection rate if you use the old PUA "I need a female opinion" opener... but that also means you're going to end up getting into conversations with a lot of women who aren't interested in you at all. If you're not getting rejected, you're probably coming in too soft/weak, and women are being overly nice - including the women who aren't attracted to you. Alternately, you can come across so strong that EVERYBODY rejects you (just about) - e.g., the old "stand at a bus stop and ask every girl who comes along if she wants to have sex." The only women who will respond will be the ones who are already incredibly interested in you.

Night game rejections are a bit different from daytime rejections - you'll get more confused / "Oh, huh?" rejections during the daytime, and more "That's nice, but I'm not interested" type rejections at night. It's pretty rare you'll get an outright harsh rejection, unless you're coming across extremely strong, even at night - occasionally you'll run into women who are really trying to show off about how powerful they are to their friends by snubbing you hard, but those are usually only the midrange caliber looks girls, so as long as you're aiming higher than the middle of the pack it usually won't happen.

Nighttime rejections tend to happen a lot more as the night progresses and women get more and more sloppy drunks hitting on them - if you want to try out night game and want as warm a reception with as little chance of a harsh rejection as possible, start early in the night when everybody's still sober and women are as open to meeting new people as they're usually going to get (save the girls who are really horny and get really drunk - those girls can get substantially more open later in the night, but there's usually also a ton of competition for them, too, and you've really got to be on your A-game... if you're even interested in a really horny drunk girl).

Chase

Anonymous's picture

how to continue


Hi chase
this is completely off topic but i was speaking to this girl and things went well and just when i gave her my name and i was going to ask for hers she said she was getting picked up and she right because i saw her getting picked up ... now when i see her tomorrow, i don't know how i'm going to carry on from where i left off ... this is how it went off

me: excuse me, you alright?
her: yeah
me: are you single
her: (she didn't say anything she just used her hand to imply she was 50/50)
me: oh ... i saw you coming out from college, i just had to say you have the most amazing face to look at
her: (smiles) ... thank you
me: my name is ***** what's your name
her: huh?

when i was about to repeat it, she said she was getting picked up and so she did go into a car. i just want to know i'm going to continue the next time i meet her.

Anonymous's picture

meet again


hey there sorry i didn't get your name the other day

Hugh 's picture

Greeting touch


Good article Chase, couple questions, when introducing yourself, is it best to just grab her hand and do so, or put out your hand for her to greet?

This question is off topic but I'm from around the Philly area and venture into the city frequently. Where are the best places to meet women/ your favorite places/ house music clubs?

Illflyers28's picture

Places in Philly


Hey Hugh,

I am obviously not chase but maybe my advice will help you. I'm from the Philly area as well and although I haven't yet ventured into the city I plan on doing it in the coming weeks at least once. For now I have just been researching the best spots in Philly. I personally have been looking for exclusive house/ambient clubs, like chase mentioned in his bars and clubs article, but I've found no such luck just looking on the Internet. He did mention however that these type of clubs are usually underground. I gave up on looking and decided to just go down the city and figure it out myself. What I did find out though is that there are specific neighborhoods that have multiple bars and clubs which are Old City, Northern liberties, and South Street and im sure theres more. Now I can't vouch for any of them for I never been. Hopefully my advice helped and was not something you already knew. Let me know if you know of any good spots or discover anything worthwhile.

-Phil

Chase Amante's picture

Re: Greeting touch

Author

Hugh-

I've gone out very little in Philadelphia, and honestly can't be much help there... I was in a few bars in Philly last autumn, but other people were driving me around and I couldn't even tell you what the names of the places were if I had to think back. Illflyers seems to have some good suggestions, and you can always check Yelp for a starting point - and then, go from there. One of my favorite things to ask new people when exploring a new city is, "Where are the best places in town to go for X?" People will tell you about all kinds of hidden gems you wouldn't otherwise know about - sometimes they'll even take you there themselves, or they'll take you to places they have special access to. When you're in a bar or a nightclub, it's very easy to start asking cool people, "Where's the best place in town to meet cute girls?" or, "Where's your favorite place to just chill and listen to some house music and meet cool people?"

On the greeting, I wouldn't recommend taking a girl's hand - it's a little overly aggressive and could be scary/creepy if she isn't expecting it... and it forces you to do all the work. When you hold your hand out to her, palm up, she's then got to extend her hand and take yours - getting her started on following your lead and complying, and reinforcing in her mind that she's complying because she's chosen to comply, rather than because she didn't have a choice in the matter.

Chase

The M's picture

Touch timing


Hey Chase,

I've only dabbled in this so far, but I think it's time to really ramp it up. I think my timing was sometimes kind of awkward, so I have some questions about that. Let's take a sample dialogue at a high point:

Me: (teasing) It seems that you're an expert at melting things.
Her: (laughing) I like that!
(pause, sexy eye contact, smiling)
Me: So...what'd you do after that?
Her: Well, I tried to pick it up with a spoon, and...

Could you insert, if you please, the recommended times for 1) when I put my hand on, and 2) when I take my hand off? Also, do I wait for her to pull away, or do I take off my hand on my own? (In the George Clooney clip, I guess both happen during the pause, he touches her as soon as she gets close enough, she pulls away, and there's some more playful deep diving after that in the full movie.)

Best,
The M

Chase Amante's picture

Re: Touch timing

Author

M-

I'd run that conversation like so:

You: It seems like you're an expert [pause; clap your hand on top of hers] at melting things.

Her: [laughing] I like that!

You: [pause, sexy eye contact, smiling]

You: So... [remove hand, pull up in an expository gesture as you talk] what'd you do after that?

Running things that way makes your touch (clapping your hand onto hers, then leaving it there) like putting an explanation mark on the point... then letting it linger there seductively... then removing it casually to make another point (in the air) as you talk, before she's had the chance to pull away (so she's left missing your hand somewhat).

Chase

Anonymous's picture

Working girls


Hey Chase,

How do you go about picking up girls while they are working? Bartenders,waitresses, and etc. 2. And whats your thoughts on trying to get a girl while driving? as in shes in a car and your in a car.

Thank you

Chase Amante's picture

Hired Guns

Author

Anon-

I have a hired guns article in the queue - will get it up sooner or later! The best advice is "know her industry" so you're not saying the same boring things that every guy says (and thinks make him sound clever), but I'll expand on that when I can write a proper article on it.

Getting a girl while driving... that's one I can't say I've done... I guess I haven't spent enough time driving! I'm assuming you're seeing girls sitting next to you in traffic? If I was to do it - and this is speculation - the first thing I'd probably try is getting her attention by making overly dramatic "big eyes" at her with my eyebrows raised, then holding up my cell phone and pointing at it, then gesturing to her, then pointing at it again, then mouthing the words, "Call me!" Then I'd roll down my window and gesture for her to roll down hers. If she's smiling / laughing and complies with rolling down the window, you'd be in good shape - then it's just yelling out to her, "I need your phone number!" and typing it in as she tells you. After you get it, tell her, "I'll call you later! I'm Anon!" and then drive off when the light changes.

If you end up trying that (or anything else) out, let me know - I'd be interested how this pans out after you've tried it 10 or 20 times and gotten a little bit of data on it.

Chase

Wolf's picture

A Few Questions.


Hi Chase I have a lot of questions about touch.

1. My friends wife doesn't like to date outside her race and since I'm not her race and she's married to my friend please explain this to me.
We work together, so one day at work she was feeling all over me and she never did this before ever. Ranging from arms around shoulders, close proximity, and feeling on my bicep while keeping her hand on it for a while. This was all in front of our mutual friend. She even had her arm around my shoulder in front of her husband when we were tipsy. What's up with her?

2. If a girl has more than enough room to step aside but she lightly brushes your arm, did she do it on purpose or did she brush my arm as a mistake?

3. If girls touch you and say sorry do they do it as an excuse to touch you and if you look at them so they don't get rejected if you didn't like it?

4. In a nightclub this girl was on both sides of me, meaning she was on my left then later that night she was on my right. Was that for me to open her?

5. Am I becoming a natural, because I touch girls excatly as you wrote in the article before I even read it?

6. I put my arms around a girl while I was getting her number. Did she give it to me because of this or was it because she likes to give her number out?

7. If a girl hits you,flirts with you,seeks attention from you but she calls you ugly , does that mean she really think that and that my fundamentals are the only thing attracting her?

8. What to do if a girl says your ugly or thinks that?

Thank you Chase!!!

Wit and Logic's picture

A's to your Q's


Skipping 1 as the details arent deep enough and I can't give advice on tipsy/drunk. Haha

2) Best train of thought is to gain a thought process of thinking that she wanted to touch you. Small little things like these were you are thinking positive will give you a better thinking habbits and also give you more self confidence when you are naturally thinking "she's into me" and not "It wad an accident/fluke"

3) some girls are touchy feely, some are not. It all depends on the girl. If she is one who normally wouldnt touch a guy but does to you, then assume the thought process of answer #2. If she does naturally touch people then it probaly didnt even cause her a second hesitation and was nothing special.

4) your question was typed wrong. It shouldnt be "was that for me to open her?" But more along the lines of "why didn't I open her?" Fool you once shame on me, fool ya twice shame on you

5) sure. If it gives you more self confidence then yes. Dont get complacent you can always get better. Heck I'm really good with women but I was the one who asked for this article specifically. You can always learn, even the naturals

6) probably a mixture of both. I saw your description as kind of over excesive but hey, it worked

7 & 8) I've got a hunch a girl you have a thing for took your man card and called you ugly. Show your selfconfidence then and there. Its in thise moments where a female "shit tests" a guy and we've got to be armed and ready. Whether you play it cool, ignore, or reverse it playfully back. Dont let your pride destroy and opportunity

Chase Amante's picture

Re: A Few Questions.

Author

Wolf-

Wit and Logic nailed most of these pretty well already. So, just a few points-

On #1, most likely scenario was she was trying to make her guy jealous. Second most likely was that she was really digging you... and wanted to make her guy jealous to some degree. I don't pay much attention to women talking about not dating outside their races - I've seen plenty of women say, "I would NEVER date an X man!" only for those women to later end up dating men of exactly that race. It's gotten to the point where if a girl says she won't date X kind of man, I now assume she WANTS to date X kind of man and is struggling to control herself from doing so (and will eventually lose that struggle).

On "ugly," sounds like hard flirting. If a girl told me this, I'd just lean in close to her face and say, "I'm the ugliest man there is," and then lean back and grin at her.

And then see if I could pull her out of there 5 minutes later.

Chase

Wit and Logic's picture

Thanks for the write up...time for my next question


Hey man, thanks for this article it really brings me back to the basics of "getting" women. If I may add one more thing to this article is that..

When us as guys get touched by the female we cant look at the hand and cant change our mood/facial tells. Like poker a girl can read when your excited or nervous. We should notice their touch but not be affected causing the girl to assume you are confident enough to be in close physical proximity with women without "being awkward or creepy"

Next article suggestion..

"Kino games and flirtation games" I know for me personally that starring contests are great (you can also check for pupil dilation), figure out the finger trace drawing on the backside (if she is wearing a lower shoulder shirt finger to skin is a easy physical touch helper) and also random high fives or fist pumps and letting them linger for an extra couple seconds..but what else is there? Any creative ideas or easy ways to create close proximity fun while in the middle of class/restaurant/work area??

Chase Amante's picture

No Tells / Flirty Games

Author

Wit-

Good call on not having any "tells." Yes, especially among highly socially attuned women, girls are looking for tells, and the moment they see one it's a loud, clear sign they've "got" you. Interest can fade pretty fast. Pretending not to notice (while making a mental note that she's becoming increasingly excited and you ought to escalate things in a few minutes, as soon as it won't seem reactive) is usually the best play here.

On flirtation games, I stay away from anything too fancy these days - spinning women around, etc. My preferences is just drawing women in - pull her body right up into my body. This works best if you take her hand and pull her in - the less she feels like you are doing the pulling (i.e., tugging her hand feels like you're doing less than if you wrap your arm around her waist and yank her in), the more she feels like she's doing it on her own. If you do this one right, a surprising amount of the time (most of the time, actually) women will just stay there pressed up against you until you release them and (gently) push them back a bit.

Chase

Flames's picture

Touchy subject


Hey Chase,

I've always had difficulty with touch, even as a baby I was for some reason touch averse too, and I'm currently at a point where I'm going to be mainly working on this. If I'm totally comfortable with someone and have already been seeing them I'm fine, it seems to be that unless I'm sure of a good response then I won't bother. It doesn't *seem* to have held me back in the past but I sometimes wonder.

I also quite often these days find girls touching me a lot, sometimes in quite flirty ways and although I'm perfectly fine with that, and even enjoy that kind of playfulness. I still have a problem reciprocating in that way, it still feels creepy/wierd to me and would never think about initiating things that way, again I'm wondering if these girls actually want me to, or I'm reading something into it that isn't there, which throws me off my pace.

Regards
Flames

Chase Amante's picture

To Touch, or Not to Touch?

Author

Flames-

Liked the subject line. Very James Bond-ian type of cheesy pun there.

Touch is most useful for creating a sexual vibe when you're not able to do this with vibe. However, vibe trumps touch, because it's lower effort.

What you'll find is that as a guy gets more advanced, touch becomes less and less necessary, voice/eyes/facial expressions/vibe/tension gradually supplanting touch as his primary means of creating sexual desires and intrigue. Basically, if you're a beginner or an intermediate guy with sexiness, touch is essential, because you won't be able to create enough sexual tension any other way. But, as you get better and better at being sexy, it starts to become something you do less, then less, then eventually almost stop touching altogether.

It's probably still worth playing around with touch long enough to get comfortable with it it with women you don't mind trying things out and perhaps being a little awkward with, but I get the impression from what I see of your stuff that you're already fairly adept at creating enough sexual intrigue without it that you probably don't need it - or might even see a reduction in sexiness by switching to it.

Chase

Flames's picture

Thanks


Yeah I guess your right 'creating' vibe is not something I struggle with these days, so I guess it's a case of using it when. I feel it's needed, rather than just because... I am making slow progress though and strangely (at least to me) it does seem to be having an effect.

Another great article :)

Regards
Flames

Anonymous's picture

Great article Chase. I'm


Great article Chase.

I'm going to purchase the Mastery Pick-up Package program, but I am in the UK. I was wondering how will I be charged?

Thanks

Chase Amante's picture

UK Purchases

Author

Anon-

Charges work the same as with anything else you'd pay for via credit card online. There are no extra fees for non-U.S. buyers, and buyers from the U.K. comprise the second largest customer segment on Girls Chase. If you have a credit card that charges you a foreign transaction fee for buying in dollars instead of pounds that's the only possible additional fee, but I'm pretty sure most U.K. cards don't do this (and a quick Google check of your credit card ought to tell you if yours does).

So - what you see is what you get!

Chase

sn's picture

thanks chase!


Chase, i've been following your articles for quite some time now.

Through learning from your site and from my experience, I have to say...

I finally managed to bed a girl the first day we met!

She was a bit of a struggle, however being persistence with a slight smile made her more comfortable to finally come home w me.

Thank you! Keep up the awesome work.

Sn

Chase Amante's picture

Re: thanks chase!

Author

I'm glad to hear it, Sn! Hope it was a great experience for both you and her.

Keep at it and you'll keep seeing progress - there's plenty more to that iceberg beneath the tip.

Chase

Vaughn's picture

Two part question


Hey chase, im sorry about the mix up with the names. My name is Vaughn, my phone just has auto type and when I begin to type my name it has it already spelt, it just had an extra A in there I didn't notice.

My first question chase is about my comment about the girls giggling. I wanted to know if it was because I was big, not big, I had no rhythm, or because I was getting horny? Can you tell me the reason why they giggled?

Question two. Is a girl trying to create false value for herself? She always assumes that I want to make her my girlfriend when all I ever said was I just want to have sex with her. I pretty much was forward with my interest with her sexually no boyfriend material over here. anyway she'll say stuff like she has feelings for her ex and not ready for a relationship and we can be friends. Even after I told her I really don't care if I talk to her or not and I just want sex.

Quick question I just thought of. If you haven't had contact with a girl for years and you sleep with more girls and pick up more girls, but you still think about her and how you regret messing up with her but not with any other girl in the past. Why is that? I messed up with a lot of girls and they all look better than her and treated me better but I think about this one girl from time to time. Why is that and how do I stop? Cheers Chase Your A Good Man.

Chase Amante's picture

Giggling, Brush Offs, and Investment

Author

Vaughn-

No worries on the name, I just wasn't sure if your twin brother was posting on here too ;)

Giggling - if you were getting an erection, that could've been it. When I first started hitting clubs in 2005, I used to do a lot of grinding on the dance floor because I (rather foolishly, in retrospect) thought that was what you should do to get girls. And for a while that would turn me on, but then I got pretty used to it and it ceased being exciting anymore. After that, I recall dancing with a girl for a few songs once who, at one point, leaned over to her friend next to her and clearly said, "He isn't getting hard!" My first thought was, "WTF?" I realized a lot of girls make a game out of trying to make silly grinding guys like I was back then get erections... it's a form of validating themselves. As soon as it happens, they can say, "Ha! He wants me, even though I don't want him!"

The girl in your "question two" sounds like she's just brushing you off politely. She's taking care of your emotions because, for whatever reason, she sees herself as the higher social status person, and you as lower status, so she's trying to be nice and protect your ego so she doesn't hurt your feelings. It's just a nice way of saying, "I don't want to sleep with you." I'd suggest dropping contact and moving onto the next girl.

And on past women... the brain is dumb in some ways, and the only way it really knows how to value things is by the amount of time and effort put into them. The more time, energy, emotion, and effort you put into something, the more valuable it becomes to you, even if you get objectively "better" things later on for less effort. There's no way around it, really... those girls from the past that you plowed huge amounts of time and emotion into will always hold something of a special place in your heart, even when you get much prettier, smarter, more charismatic, etc. girls later on (and it works the same way for women... the guys they went craziest for in the past always hold a big spot in their hearts, for the rest of their lives).

Chase

Matt's picture

Living at Home


Hi Chase,

Two questions:

1) How do you deal with women who are very direct and independent? Went out with a girl the other night (admittedly, she was 26- older than me) who would not follow my lead, she would insist strongly that we walk down a certain street, or go to a certain bar.

2) Living at home is the ultimate cock block. And recently, when girls have asked where I live, and I say I'm still with my parents (keep in mind, I'm 22- just graduated from college), it immediately turns them off to me. Some girls have gone cold on the spot, probably because they wanted to get intimate but now the logistics are challenging.

Do you know of good any ways to deflect answering the "who do you live with question?" Or, to answer it in honestly a cool and suave way that won't make me look weak and dependent?

Matt

Chase Amante's picture

Independent Women / Living at Home

Author

Matt-

A woman who's leading strongly is only leading that way because she perceives herself as having the upper hand in your power dynamic. However the two of you met and started up, it went in a way that led to her feeling like she's the one in charge. You can try and wrest power from her by gradually escalating the level of compliance you get from her while reducing yours as much as possible without being totally uncooperative, but this takes a little time and is very difficult to do. The other alternative is following her lead calmly while trying to be as attractive as possible and do everything as effortlessly as possible - sometimes these women will decide on their own it's time to sleep with you.

Much of the time, it's easiest just to write it off as a situation in which you messed up somewhere near the beginning, and go try better next time with the next girl. You can certainly try and grind it out and try things around, but make sure you set a date cut off limit to prevent yourself sinking a lot of time in and becoming an orbiter who perpetually feels like he's "almost there" but never quite gets there.

Living at home - I haven't really had to deal with this myself, but I'd suggest trying this: when she asks you where you live, just give her an area, e.g., "Down on Mainline Ave." If she asks if you have roommates, say, "Yeah, a guy and a gal," (your mom and dad). Then just DON'T take her back to your place. Escalate in your car and get intimate with her there. For the next date, go somewhere near where she lives and end up back in her place (or find some other convenient sex logistics).

Once you've slept with her a couple of times, assuming she likes you a bit, you'll be able to tell her you still live with mom and dad while you get on your feet, and she'll be a lot more forgiving than she will if you haven't slept with her yet.

Or if you want to take her home same-night, have sex in the car first, then take her home. Explain you live with your mom and dad. Then have sex in your room in your family's home just to pound home the point that this isn't a big deal.

Chase

anonk's picture

prom regrets...


Well I missed my prom.it ripped my heart out but I'm healed yet the scars r still present.the cause of this way my social phobia/anxiety .I psyched the shit out myself and failed to take advantage of opportunities when they were available.I truly missed out on vast experience I could have gotten but it's the things that hurt so much that enables us to grow stronger.as I always say the cure to regrets is to make amends in the future.
I asked a girl 4 her number today for the first time and of course I got it. I'm looking forward to calling her next week.so I'm now learning to take the bull by the horns in all endeavors in life.it feels good.so Chase what can I do to cure regrets like missing out on prom and other missed opportunities?do I sholve it deeper into my unconscious and pretend like it didn't hurt or what?
Thanks again ;-)

Chase Amante's picture

Regrets

Author

Sorry to hear it, Anonk. Props on getting a new phone number, though.

The thing about regrets, unfortunately, is that they're something of an indelible mark - once they're there, they're there for life. You'll always look back and say, "Damn, that was stupid of me. I SHOULD have..." They do fade with time. But never completely.

The only thing you can do about regrets is to realize they never go away, and refuse to let yourself do things in the future that are going to cause you more regrets. You regret the things you don't do... so if you ever find yourself trying to decide if you should do something, or you shouldn't do something - unless somebody stands to get hurt if you do it - then do it.

Chase

Anonymous's picture

Getting Better


I'm going on a date tomorrow and will definitely try all this out. I am slowly getting better at this and make it a point to kiss every girl I go on a date with (the last 3). Last year at the ripe old age of 27 I finally started to go on dates (all via online) but they were always awkward and platonic since I could not for the life of me touch girls. Almost all touch was initiated by them, which was often simply a hug. I had one girl lunge in for a kiss which shocked me since I was such a coward back then (last October haha). I think I always saw touching women as taboo because of taking things too literally. I used to think it was weird when female co-workers touched me, thinking in my head "isn't this breaking sexual harassment policy?" I really am happy I found this site since I am slowly improving with my interactions with women with this new found knowledge. You have no idea how incredibly awkward I have been through much of my life (never picking up on social ques, socially isolated, never sharing interests with others, getting obsessed with obscure topics, selectively mute, etc.).

Chase Amante's picture

Re: Getting Better

Author

Anon-

Glad to hear it. Touch is a BIG one for reducing awkwardness... extremely useful for this.

Can't say for sure, but your behavior (missing social cues, obsessed with obscure topics, awkward around touch) sound similar to Asperger's Syndrome, a mild form of autism. People with Asperger's tend to be very mechanically adept, but unable to learn things intuitively like most people can... social and romantic topics being among the (major) skill sets that nobody teaches mechanically and everybody learns intuitively, and Aspies (as they tend to call themselves) often struggle with.

Regardless, as with anything, as you work on it, try out new stuff, and keep piling up the experience, the problems start to go away, and the solutions become clearer and clearer. Just needs a bit of time... and a lot of deliberate practice.

Chase

Ciab's picture

Good stuff


Good article Mr. Chase. I appreciate all of your help. Please continue being such an amazing and influential writer. You may understand more than anyone else that "where there is love, there is life." Good luck to you in all of your travels and ventures.

Damian's picture

Country variations


Something important is that every country has it's rules when it comes to touch, in argentina NOT kissing a girl on the cheek would be awkward, it's the common way to greet people, with males it's like 50/50 with hand shaking, which is used in more formal situations or with other guys of the same age when in a circle (you just pass the hand from guy to guy in a group you just got into).
So for greeting girls I would suggest a cheeck kiss and small hug, with your arm wrapping her shoulders lightly, with a warm smile.

jack's picture

Touching on Dates


Chase,

Could you outline how you kino / touch progress on dates? When you meet her for example, do you give her a hug? Then when do you start touching her; i.e. how long into the date? Do you kiss her on the date at the venue? Even just a small kiss? Do you do arm in arm when you leave? Etc.

Could you post on this or outline how you run your dates? I'm sure many of your readers would like a sample field report or something like that. Thanks

Chase Amante's picture

Re: Touching on Dates

Author

Jack-

Sure.

I actually touch very little on my own dates these days, because most of what I need to convey is conveyed in vibe, and when your vibe is handling this for you you mess that up with too much touch. The more powerful your presence becomes, the less touch you want to employ.

I never give hugs; those are platonic - girls do them with their guy friends. I very rarely kiss a girl unless I'm somewhere I can have sex with her then and there. The one exception is if I need to part ways with her for a moment for some reason and come back and get her later - a quick passionate kiss that I end can keep her from running off with another guy a few minutes longer if she's drunk and horny and there are a lot of people around (but usually I'd try to just get her out of there without having to leave her side... every time you leave, you introduce a great deal of risk). Kissing is the beginning of sex, and if you don't end it perfectly (with her still chasing the kiss and wanting it very badly), and there's a large break between that kiss and having sex, the power balance shifts, intrigue evaporates, and attraction disappears. Arm-in-arm for leaving: rarely, unless the girl takes my arm. Much of the time I'll even disentangle my arm myself here. It feels too relationship-y, and the boyfriend zone is not where you want to be when pulling (unless you're up for tearing through a ton of resistance back at yours).

For me, I'll hold my hand out palm up when first meeting a girl, and have her take my hand, then hold it for a moment as a greeting. If I want to move her, I'll offer her the crook of my arm and motion for her to loop her arm through it. If there's an electric vibe in the air while we're standing and talking, I may take her hand and pull her body into me, then after a few moments push her gently back away. I'll sometimes tap her stomach (while standing) or her thigh (when sitting) to make a point, especially if I really want her to pay attention or if I think she's acting distracted. I will occasionally touch her breasts or her butt in the context of demonstrating a story I'm telling if she seems conservative or reserved and I want to break her out of that and test her reaction (to see if she's going to stiffen up, or if she's going to give me a pass that she wouldn't give most men). I won't do this with sexually charged women because they read that as you just picking up on their sex drive and reacting like the normal horndog men who can't keep their hands off them do.

And for me, that's really about it. Everything else I want to convey I convey with vibe. Women will often touch ME a lot, but I pretend not to notice this and just keep talking with them normally (while making a note to move things forward soon).

That will all be a lot different depending on where you're at. When I was a beginner I touched a LOT. My hand would be on girls' lower backs throughout a conversation. I'd sit next to them with our legs touching (I'll still do this on dates sometimes, especially if I'm not picking up much of a sex vibe from a girl). I'd take their hands a lot, hold hands, touch their arms, play with their hair, pick them up, spin them around, all sorts of stuff, most of which is too gamey for me now and would hurt sexual tension.

I still like throwing girls onto my bed or into the ocean though. Those two are a lot of fun.

Chase

Marc's picture

Great Article


Hey Chase,

Just wanted to let you know how fantastic I think this article is. Growing up I had a strong aversion to touching people, and it set me behind socially - I'm 24 and I'm just starting to make efforts to be more social. I started reading your articles a couple months ago (money is tight so I'm limited to 10 per month), and earlier this week I started making it a point to always talk to girls I don't know (when time permits), and keep moving things forward. So far around 40% of women are open to talking to me, and around 85% of those women have given me their digits.

Once I have some money I'll definitely be looking to grab a membership, this website (mostly your articles) has been an amazing resource in my challenge to alter my lifestyle!

Look out world,
Marc

Mariovi's picture

sooooooo


In this article article which is great by the way... Says that sexual touch is a big no no out in public. But what about using sexual right before having sex in an unusual place?? How would that work? Sex in unusual places is all I got since I'm still in high school!

Anonymous's picture

I am a woman and this


I am a woman and this definitely got me aroused thinking of a certain guy I like doing these things.... definitely a good article with good advice!

Nice guy's picture

Why?


Hey Chase,
Good article man. Although I have a question.
There was a girl. She was giving me all positive signals right from body language to everything. We used to meet for about an hour or so at a work out place. After about one month (in which I met her about 7-8 times only) of knowing her, I asked her out for coffee. But she politely rejected it. I was surprised. Why would that have happened? Is it because of lack of touching? or was I interpreting signals wrongly?

Anonymous's picture

Could it be?


Chase,
Great article. I think you hit the nail in the head. And I am a female reader.
I have a question for you. Here's the scenario:
I'm an attractive woman in my 20's. One of the men I work with is in his 50's. Big age difference, I know. But there has been a lot of flirting between us off and on, just little things: A comment here, a slight sexual innuendo there, an occasional compliment, but mostly TOUCHING. While at work, he has touched my elbow lightly, he has grabbed my wrist gently to look at something on my arm, he's grabbed a necklace I was wearing (touching my chest as he did it), and when he's standing next to me, he likes to stand REALLY close, sometimes touching. He's also commanded me. I love it, and I don't think it's weird at all, even considering the age difference. In fact, it's a huge turn-on. But.. nothing has come of it. It's been months. So I don't know if he's knowingly doing these things to get me hot, or if he just happens to be doing these things without being aware of how it affects me. And I don't know what to do or say to find out the answer without being too obvious or coming across as too sexual. I don't want to scare him off - he has his head screwed on tight and he's very mature, and there's quite an age difference, so it might be weird to him if I made a move. But I also know he's a man and men are sexual. Do you think he's purposely touching me for sexual reasons, or do you think it's just coincidence and I'm just reacting like any woman would? How would I go about getting him to "step it up" without making it weird? I'm a single woman and I desperately crave touch...

Post new comment

The content of this field is kept private and will not be shown publicly.
  • Web page addresses and e-mail addresses turn into links automatically.
  • Allowed HTML tags: <a> <em> <strong> <cite> <code> <ul> <ol> <li> <dl> <dt> <dd>
  • Lines and paragraphs break automatically.
  • HTML tags will be transformed to conform to HTML standards.
  • You may insert videos with [video:URL]

More information about formatting options

Image CAPTCHA
Enter the characters shown in the image.