How to Act When a Girl Rejects You | Girls Chase

How to Act When a Girl Rejects You

girl rejects youYesterday I went out with a guy I mentor, and he asked to watch me do some direct daytime approaches.

"Sure, no problem," I told him.

I scouted around for a while, and saw a really cute girl walking along, wearing a blue blouse and big sunglasses, apparently looking for a taxi, her cell phone in hand. Usually I don't go for women who are visibly occupied like that -- taxi-searching and texting / calling, as her headspace is going to be elsewhere -- but I wasn't seeing all that many cute girls around solo, so up I went.

"I saw you walking here, and I had to come tell you," I began -- and she put her hand up and waved me off. "...that you're incredibly cute. I'm Chase," I finished. She waved me off again. I walked next to her, matching her stride.

"What's your name, then?" I asked, sticking my hand in her direction. She smiled, turned her head away, and waved me off again.

"I'm sure you've got to be called something," I said. "Your friends don't just call you this [I demonstrated waving], right?" She cracked a bigger smile, laughed, and kept walking.

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his Mastery Package.

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Comments

Dr. Gasmo's picture

Thank you. This made a lot of sense to me, favorite'd!

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Doc, don't mention it. And... way cool to see you're still here!

Chase

Mason's picture

Another excellent article Chase! Getting rejected up, down, left and right lately ...although I admit my mojo has been off, but I still go out and try. I want to meet a girl who is genuinely interested in me as a person and not because she is bored and has nothing better to do. Read this article today - big morale booster, my favorite quote, "Regardless where you are in your development though, it never stops being a numbers game". Will try again tonight! Thank you!

tempest181's picture

Great article, though my game is far, far below the virtuoso tactics you use.

I've got to start somewhere though, and your following suggestion is diamond quality advice:

"Shrug. Laugh. Pretend to cry. Smack a mildly amused grin on your face and shrug your eyebrows, as if to say, "Does this girl really understand what she just missed out on?" (my personal favorite)."

It says, "Wow, that's puzzling. I'm not used to being brushed off like that, but whatever . . ." If I can psych up to do this one thing, maybe I'll get to being able to do everything else you mention--thanks : )

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Hey Tempest,

Pretty amazing how a small little action like one of those can make you feel as though you've regained some power, even in the face of a rejection, and perhaps even cause a girl to start doubting internally that she made the right call, ain't it?

If you use the stuff that's easiest for you to use starting out, that gives you the base to build on to use other tactics that might feel a little more difficult to execute off the bat. So for sure, start there -- and then see what else you can do!

Best,
Chase

Anonymous's picture

What do you do when a girl says yes, then online she says she's busy that day and can't make it? Sounds like a test because if its not, logic just stopped making sense.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Hey brother,

Rather than considering this a test, I'd consider it her having cold feet or having something else to change her mind.

Might be if you'd been talking, something in the conversation rubbed her the wrong way and she stopped feeling like coming out. Might be she was having a bad day and wasn't in the mood for socializing.

What I've found most effective for reducing flaking is setting a firm time and location with women beforehand, then severing contact entirely, except perhaps one text an hour or two before the date about time or logistics (serves dually to both reassure her that you're coming out, and to give you a pulse on whether she will or she'll flake).

I've cut off IM altogether myself, partly because I just don't have time for it and it's too distracting, but partly too because it makes you too available and raises the flake rate and reschedule rate a lot, which I found too annoying.

Cheers,
Chase

Dnonymous's picture

So what exactly do you text an hour or two before a date about logistics, assuming a time & place have already been set (that doesn't come off as ... overly concerned about her showing up :p )?

P M's picture

I enjoyed this article. Linking the suggestions for other subject manner is great. Your writing style communicates what we all needed to hear, but in a gentle way. I just linked this as one of my new favorites.

Are you done with your book now?

-PM

Nate G.'s picture

Excellent article, even though my particular kind of experience wasn't on here. I recently got rejected by an amazing friend of mine, who considers me one of her "best guy friends" - but that was actually the problem: I was already too much of a friend to her for her to feel comfortable dating.

She broke up with her ex-boyfriend several months ago, and all she saw in my pursuit of her was another potential breakup. She said she was "afraid to lose her friendship with me if something went wrong," which was her reason for rejecting me. It wasn't a bad rejection; she probably rejected me in THE nicest possible fashion she could have, which I was appreciative of. I was happy she was at least honest with me, rather than accepting simply for the sake of not hurting my feelings.

It just hurts more than anything though, like you said. And I felt the same way you talked about later in the article, how she "doesn't understand what she's missed out on." She may never know, but unfortunately that's out of my hands at this point. =/

Dobri's picture

I think you haven't inspired her enough to be interested in you. My opinion is that she was telling the truth - that you achieved enough "friend" part, but not "lover" part enough, and perhaps she respects you and don't want to loose you as a friend, my friend.

The Khalifa's picture

Another great article chase,
you mentioned a few things that I actually do at times (shrugging shoulders, laughing it off, pretending its a joke and just giggling at the rejection). Very insightful, I just wonder what you think of girls who are warm, amazing, and can't get enough of you one minute, and then a day or two later they could care less about you...total jekyl and hyde???

To make my story short as possible, I recently met this beautiful, exotic, smart, well valued gal, off the internet of all places...rare for an internet meet, there are no quality women online, so this was a rare mathematically. We met a first time and talked casually, she enjoyed herself, as did I, it was very simple, no formality! I figured she wouldn't like me enough to see me a second time, I'm a bit more shy than her, I got a bit self-conscious (stupid I know)...but I was wrong and we did end up getting together a week or so after that on a friday night...and our 2nd time meeting was great, We were out with her friends, but she was fixed on me the whole time, the friends took a backseat...on this occasion she told me she couldn't wait to see me, she wanted to kiss me all week...I was pleasantly surprised. We made out all night, slow danced, had a killer time, ended it with a stellar kiss...and of course a mutual "let's do this again"

Anywho...I kept in touch of course, every few days...doing as you would say, "keeping it warm, moving fast" I asked her out for another date the following wednesday after that 2nd date...she was happy to hear from me, said friday night sounds good, and we'll definitely plan on having a bite and a drink. Come friday afternoon I give her a call about the logistics...she says its all good, she has to run an errand with family and we'll meet at 9. Come that time, she texts me and says she has to eat with her family and can't make it tonight but sunday is good too...understandable, big ethnic families are like that, they come first. Okay, not the end of the world I say. She says Sunday is good for her as well...okay good, sunday it is. We make plans for a quick lunch and coffee on sunday afternoon...

come sunday morning, I text her about the logistics, she doesn't respond for 3 hours and when she did, which was too late for us to meet (I texted at 10am, she responded at 1pm)...her text said there was a distant relative who passed away that weekend and she just can't make it. Her cancellation text read "...I'm sorry to cancel again :S"

I told her "my condolences, and hey no sweat...there's plenty of other times."

Half of me thinks its total BS, the other half thinks..well maybe I just picked a damn bad week to ask out this girl. So I experimented with it...The last time we texted or talked was on sunday, when she cancelled...So I texted her this afternoon (a wednesday), just saying Hey, "Hey, whats new" and if I got no answer or any courtesy no matter how small, it means she cooled on me...right???

Well I haven't gotten a response all day, nothin, nada...not a facebook comment, and she just added me on facebook, silence. In the last few weeks she would respond to me fairly quickly, and never more than an hour or two, she was a fast-responder.

So basically we have a great start, a good first meet, a killer second meeting, a definite yes to a third date, a definite yes to re-planning a third date, and then out of nowhere...BOOM, silence...

What is up with that chase? I'm not really upset or depressed, I don't get that way over girls anymore, but seriously...what makes a girl do this?? moreso...what is it I did if anything? I was a gentleman, but not a pushover...I was fast, but not smothering...I was a listener and a deep-diver, we hit it off, and out of nowhere this death-in-the-family thing and then totally ignoring my calls and texts???

What's with this jekyll and hyde thing these girls do???

pink's picture

I think that she was not that into you. you liked her more then she liked you. dating is just to get to know eachother bettter.
when she got to know you better she saw that you 2 are not compatible.
Shes trying not to hurt your feelings this way she probably hopes that you figure out yourself that she isnt interested.

pink's picture

She was obviously busy with other things. Kind of rude to bother her in this way. You kept forcing her for attention.

That she was not saying anything at all could just mean that shes death who knows.

Giaccommo Garda's picture

I really liked your article.
About a month ago I met a girl in a friend's house. I got her email and, as I had to travel, maintained contact with her in a regular basis. When I came back, we set up a meeting and it was actually better than I expected. We had a good time and we kissed. It was funny, because she was asking me questions girls normally don't, such as: how many girlfriends have you had? Anyway, I was not expecting to see her again, but she then said she really wanted to see me next weekend. So I though, ok. I text message her on friday and she said she wasn't going to be able to make on saturday because it was her mom's birthday. I asked about Sunday, and she said she had another family encounter. So I thought: she's gone, and I wen't on with my life.
But then, her friend told me she really liked me and she told me I should ask her out again. So I made a mistake: I asked her out again. Guess what? Initially, she said yes, let's do it, but then didn't reply.
Reading your posts, Chase, I think I'm doing fine with personal encounters, but I'm not doing fine while text messaging girls. What should I have done in your opinion?

abraham's picture

All I can say wooowww. I am 40 years old and I have to admit There are a lot of things to learn. What a wonderfull details.Thank you

emmanuel's picture

i have to give it to your chase dis is yet another masterpiece of your.this has not only inspired me but a whole bunch of avid readers of your articles more grease to your elbows chase

Anonymous's picture

Your articles are really good. Its says about psychology of a person; especially of women.
If I got this site earlier than I really succeeded in my love.

I just want your help if you can help me on getting my love.

I love a girl since last 9 to 10 years. We met in our class. we are just friend. I am shy at that time to talk. So I dint talk with her much at that time. After, one year we passed the exam. we both had been living in one city. But later I shifted to other near by city.

At that time I thought it will be too early to approach her. But after 3 to 4 years, I feel that I should really approach. And I tried to find her. But I dint found her address. In between, I got one friend, who was the friend of my love and she gave me the address of my love. I feel that it would be not proper to go at her home. I tried to meet her outside, but I dint even saw her. Though, she was staying right there.

Later on, I found her on facebook. I made friendship. But when I approach for conversation by sending message, she made me unfriend. I was on my way of career. so I thought once I succeed in my career I will propose her.

After some month, I had to go abroad for study and right now I am in some other country for my further study. I thought it will be too late if I dont propose now. I send the marriage proposal on a facebook message. ( which I think its a mistake, sending direct marrige proposal)
she block my Id.

Than, when I look her in her profile picture, which she change after blocking me, I saw an engagement ring in her finger.
I really feel that I am late in proposing. I really love her.

After thinking somewhat, I feel that it might be not an engagement or it might be just arrange engagement. So wrote other message, from my other Id. I explain very politely and told her, if she really loves that guy than I will be out of her life and I just want to be her good friend; and if any thing can be done to meet both of us than let me know. I have written best message as possible as I can. She dint replied me nor she block this Id.

After two days, I felt to contact her. I just send the message for good friend and send a friend request. After a day or more she block my Id; i.e Today.

I thought let me send her message from other Id, to request her to reply. But I thought let me first think and then I thought to see on net. I search and found your articles, which is very helpful. Now, I come to know My earlier some of the approach (might be) not proper. My approach of 2nd message might be proper.

Now, what I should do to get my love? I managing my career, and I am with my relax mind, trying best to get her.

Can you suggest me or help me in getting back my love?. At this stage, in which I have not fully achieved my career, I cant go at her home for marriage proposal.

I hope you will reply me as soon as possible.

Thankyou very much in advance,
S.

Anonymous's picture

I have known this girls for a long time....she has recently shown signs of interest......I started talking to her on facebook got her number after flirting with her and talking for a few hours....We have been texting for the past 2 weeks.....I asked her out last week by saying that i was going to be in her area later and that we should catch up for a drink....she told me that she already had plans but said that we could catch up when the whole group went out that weekend. I have asked her out again today through text saying....Hey (....) Hope your weekend was good =). How was your first day of uni? Thinking we should catch up for a coffee some time soon...whats your schedule like this week?

Her reply was a few hours later:

Hey (...)sorry for the late reply. Uni is very busy because i am doing 6 subjects. It's so intense...think of actually stabbing myself hahaha....

Is that a subtle rejection...as you can see she avoided my question....or if not how should i reply to this message you think?

Vishal's picture

Hi I need a help I know girlnfrom six month in the start she meet me , n after she tell me she don't have time she is busy , after some time I knowvshe have a boyfriend but she never tell me she try to hide with mxe , one day I talk to her n speak I like u very much u know this so why what happen like this , she told me she don't like me , so I tell her to stop talking with me , but she still talking nicely , with me n sometime she smile , I like her , in one month she is going home n I want her , somebodyncan help me with this

Anonymous's picture

i have been in relation with my college mate for more than a year, i know she likes me,we use to chat , message, i like , love her much... i cant even imagine a life without her, i proposed her before 15 days and she said she is not interested in love, we shall maintain our relationship as friends and also she added that she don't want to hurt me, she wants me to change.......... now am in UK and she is in india and phone is the only communication between us.....i don't know what to do,how to approach....and how to move on....???

Anonymous's picture

Hey Chase,
I've been reading your blog for a while n it's really good stuf...but I have a problem.
The girl I like says she liked me before, when i dint really show much interest in her...which i understand, but she now has an on-off relationship with this older guy..n i'm stuck in the friend zone..she occasionally gets drunk and has (sort-of) phone sex with me, but i'm still not getting anywhere with her...
I could really use your help!!
Cheers,
Anonymous

jeff's picture

Chase,
You're advice is great. Been reading this website trying to figure out why I'm having trouble with this girl I'm really into. We met online, talked on the phone a few times and text, had a good first date: kept it interesting, funny/good conversations. she took me back to her roof, we made out for a while. The date went slightly downhill because I had one too many drinks and wasn't in-tune with the tests she was giving me, and probably failed a few. She text making sure I got home alright, the next day didn't return my text, and the day after she didn't return my call. I waited two days and messaged her saying basically: thanks for the nice time, etc. maybe you can give me another shot. I know your busy, let me know if your schedule frees up a bit, hope to hear from you soon.

She text back immediately saying she was sorry for being gone, that was rude of me. Im just not sure about what I want yet.

I haven't text her back. I don't know my next move, or if I have a shot at a next move. I'm thinking of asking her out to something more informal during the day in a week if she doesn't get back to me again. any advice?

batgold25's picture

hey chase nice site i need help there is this girl i really like we don't talk much but i want to be her friend then move it up a notch is there hope fro me? ty

Joe Papi's picture

I never thought an article online would be so helpful! Moreover I never thought I would read an article where I would be so eager to read another by the same author. Thanks Chase. Looking forward to more!

ANONYMOUS's picture

Hi Chase,

I am really into your logical reasoning and I share it. Meanwhile, There are situations where the heart commands you not to give up, while the girl is still rejecting you - and this is something I hoped you might want to address.

I had this blind-date 2 days ago with this quality girl. I moved fast, very fast, in fact too fast for her. She was off a fresh tough relationship with a guy who hurt her. The date went just ok, she seemed to be interested, (she compared me with a good friend of hers, we had this talk about going after the craziness of the heart or, choosing the safe ways of the brain). She clearly stated that she decided to go after 'the rational' given her tough relationship. During the conversation, I instinctively held her hands. - cant explain why it just happened. She freaked out. She seemed shocked, but still did not pull off her hands from mine. She asked me to slow down. But it was already too late. We later split coldly after 2 dating hours. Then she called me the next day, apologitically and told me she freaked out and realized she was not entirely ready to meet another guy. I said ok and told her it was great and courageous telling it me now and said bye. But then, I picked the phone and called her again. I tried to convince her for 2 hours to date me again (calmely, nicely, and gently) - but she consistently told me that I deserved more than that and that she didnt wanna to hurt me, and she was not there. She consistently told me how great I was, and how it was not about me, how she freaked out, and how it would be better off this. At the end of the discussion, we said good night and here I am.

I dunno what to do.
She was rejectING me, but not still rejectED me.

The heart says dont give up.

Why giving up ?
How would the Warrior deal in such cases? Escaping the circle of rejection and finding another girl?
What about the logic of the heart?

Tough questions:)

sur's picture

I like a girl from past 7months at food court,recently i proposed her for friend ship,but she dnt replied and gone away.past she used to stares me & same i 2 stares her.i am not understanding did she rejected me or what?? but still i like her so much.Kindly help me out....

Anonymous's picture

I met a girl when i joined a new company. I was new to the company and later i came to know that she is 1 year senior to me. I went to her and talked to her. Later for few days we chatted on office communicator. Then I got her phone number. I dailed her for a couple of times. Everything was ok. Later when I called her she said she just passed by my hostel. then i said ok why cant we meet now and just talk to each other. she didnt came out of her hostel . so i waited for her for nearly 2 hrs. then i messaged her what happened to u? no reply from her. The next day too there was no reply. i said sorry 20 times . no reply. i thought i should forget her. then i got reply from her. then again it has become normal. i asked her for coffee several times. then she said you are asking for a date?? i said no as i dont know what is a date clearly. then one fine day i proposed her in the office. she showed her thumb and asked me to go my workstation. i left. then she stopped talking to me. I tried callin her, messaging her. But no reply from her. I said sorry for nearly 20 times.
Then she slowly trying to ignore me. I asked her why is she ignoring me. She said " i dont have a wish to talk to you and she doesnt want to give reason to her ignoring "Then after a week i messaged her asking for a date. She said get lost and blocked me on the office communicator. What should i do now??????? plz reply

David.'s picture

Hi Anonymous.

Since no one is replying to your comment, please allow me to try and help.

First of all you started of great, you got talking to her, she sees you like her, and she acquiesces to giving you her number, remember this is in work, she has given you a number at work.

What do you do now ? you wait a while and call her and say something like, just checking your number is live in case I fall ill at my work station and need help, if that happens (God forbid) I can speed dial your number in order for you to phone an ambulance. Laugh and say, anyway I've got some work to do...Thanks.

Then you do nothing, you carry on living, If she wants to talk to you she will find an excuse believe me.

And an excuse is what she will find, an excuse can be anything, it could even be a quick call to say she had just passed your hostel, that's when you say ''You just passed my hostel and you didn't even find the time to bring me a cup of coffee, shame on you, Laughs'' you see, there's no pressure.

But you don't hassle her, you don't pressure her, you stay cool, sooner or later you will bump in to her, or she will call you, that's (If you feel confident enough) when you say ''Did you not say a while back you were going to call me and ask me out ?, Laugh. she replies nope, you reply ''Ah must have been someone else then, my memory's bad these days''.

Now your going to find out the nitty gritty, now is crunch time, this is where you are going to find out if she wants to know you that way or not.

She may respond with something like, ''I don't ask guys out anyway what do you think I am, laughs ?'' she can respond with just about anything, she could even say I've got a boyfriend, anything negative you take on board and never ever call her.

Anything positive you respond with ''Ah...playing hard to get are you ? I like your style'' ''I don't ask guys out what do you think I am ?'' you say ''Mmm don't play coy with me LOL'' something that shows an interest, but at the same time you give the impression you couldn't give a toss.

You see what I'm trying to say, you don't ever need to ask her out, with some basic psychology and patience (Provided shes interested) she will make it happen.

Meanwhile you stay cool and let nature take it's course, how fast or slow it goes will depend on her, she will decide.

Calling her twenty times or asking what happened to her, let's meet now ? any kind of pressure or stalking is a no no.

Now it's to late, and there's no way back, she sees you as a pain in the ass (Hard to accept, I've did it too, we all have, anyone who says different is lying believe me) so as I said it's too late, from now on to save some dignity, just smile and say hello and walk on, don't talk to her ever again unless you are forced to through work or something.

If you do that then you may, just may be able to get some respect back from her, it may stop her from telling all her friends that she met this awful stalker at the office and can't get rid of him

Sorry for being so blunt, if you think I am then I apologise, sometimes we guys need a kick up the ass from another guy to make us see sense.

In the future stay cool, don't chase them or ask them awkward questions about her/their life, and you will find things happen more naturally.

You may say well what if she doesn't call me or show some kind of sign she likes me ? well tough, you never had anything with her anyway, she is not your property to own and possess, if she wants you she will arrange it somehow, it may take some time but she will drop that hint sooner or later, trust me.

Girl's picture

Some girls automatically reject approaches from strangers, because they know that guy approaches her based solely on looks. Instinct tell her, this man could not be a loyal partner, because he would always turn after pretty girls without questioning their inner beauty. Plus she knows he has sex in mind.
I am one of those girls.

You might be handsome, intelligent, creative, rich, funny if you approach me because of my looks only, I will automatically reject you, because I am not looking for sex, but for the butterfly feeling that builds up with a person I have in my surroundings.

You guys shouldn't take rejection in such a situation personally.

Now there are girls who don't need the fairy tale way of things like I do, and just look for fun, and those will probably be interested in a guy who approaches them that way.

Just my few thoughts from a girl's perspective. I get my fair share of daytime approaches. And no matter who the guy is - I will wave you off. And you might be the guy I could have fallen in love if I had got to know you because we sat next to each other on a plane, or on any other occasion that didn't make me think you wanted to get to my pants from the get go or wanted me based on looks alone.

Even if a guy approaching me had the best line, and we would get to know each other and say end up falling in love, in the back of my mind, I would wonder - what if a prettier girl comes along?

Godless's picture

i find some of your articles so amazing, that i actually keep them bookmarked, because of how ground breaking they really are. i think you are just such a great writer and everything, you should be like, nominated for some sort of metal lol. i couldnt even finish this article without saying that haha, but really, i love how you talk about metacognition, i think that i think that i do this every day lol

Alex4577's picture

Hey Chase, big fan of your articles and must say they are of course effective. I've been reading them for a while and thanks to them I recently met a lovely girl who's in my math class. She is now my date to prom! So there's about a month left until prom and I've just hit a problem with this girl: Today I asked her to be my girlfriend after seeing her for about a month and she told me, after thinking about it, that she "doesn't want to in a relationship right now". Now I know she has the right to feel this way, but I've been a cool, sexy, and caring guy and I'm also attractive so I thought she would say yes. Now I'm wondering if mabey I should give her more time and then she'll change her mind or just tell her ,"I want to be in a relationship so this can't work"? Any help?

Cashalot's picture

There is a girl i fell in love with back in my formal school i wanted to tell her about it but i fell too shy to say it so i sent someone of a higher class to speak to her for me and the person told her i was an awesome catch and i could be a good boyfriend for her. she said she will think about it unfortunately i was dismissed and it painted a bad image about me. My friends told me she couldn't believe it.I sent her a romatic love letter and she replied to me on facebook "hi dear so how i saw your letter it was v.v.v.v.v.v.v interesting and thanks for giving a ll that time to to me by writing such a letter so how hope fine see you". I did not understand what she meant on this reply. During the last summer holidays i went for classes and she attended same classes with me but i was too shy to speak to her the highest thing i did was to greet her just saying hi and she will say how then i say fine that is all i could do. One day she didn't come to school and i had made up my mind that i will meet her and ask her out and i was disappointed about it and miraculously she appeared by the road coming towards me and i couldn't believe my eyes.I Even thougt she was going towards someone else so i made as if i did not see her.Then she came towards me and greeted me and right there i wanted to faint becuse she was so beautiful and i replied saying hi.Since i was chatting with other guys she just hanged around as if she was waiting for me unfortunately i did not realise it.So when i was going, the guys i was talking with told me that if you told that girl you like her it means she is interested in you. Because she would not leave the other side of the road and greet you and she does not go but she still hangs around. They said i should have gone and met her and had a conversation with her.That was the last time i saw her during the holidays.Since she was in a boarding school, i went to visit her the day that all parents go to visit the students.As i and some of my friends arrived the guards denied that we should enter and there was that burning anxiety that if i do not exchange a word with that girl i will die in the next minute so i jumped over the fence which was against the rules of the school just to see her.Unfortunately we were caught by the guards who made us to be taken for thieves who came to steal in the school.we were taken to the principals office with handcuffs where we signed not to ever step our feet on the campus.On our way back to the gate she was leaning on a wall and even though other people were there she was the only person i could see.Then i gathered a lot of courage as i was approaching her and said hi while looking at her in her eyes and she replied saying how then i said fine.Then she turned her face as if she was ashamed of what i had done.Back home i met with her cousin who came along with me but did not jump so he spoke to her about my reason for coming and he asked her who is he to you,then she said i am the only boy that has Ever sent her a letter printed and very romantic and that she was very happy about it but she said i have a bad character that i should change it.Recently i sent her another letter ,And she replied saying that my deeds have never ceased to amaze her and that what i was feeling was not love that it was rather obsession she said she liked the letters that they were so amzing but why was i only writng but not calling.I was disappointed so i went to her home and wanted to have my first real conversation with her.When i went i still felt shy to speak she tried to be kind to me she asked me how i was preparing for the exams i said i was doing my best then i popped this question why are you rejecting me then she said it was impossible that i said i loved her because i have never spoken to her that i never knew her character neither did she know mine then i said it was very possible to fall in love with her just on first sight then i asked her the question again i told her to be very frank with me then she said i was not her type then when she said that i knew that she had lost interest due to the time i wasted so i had nothing to say and i told her i was going then she asked me why and i did not reply then she accompanied me to the gate she told me she was speechless then when i was about opening the gate she told me to wait then i turned back she said she was very sorry about it and it should not pre occupy my mind then i said it was not her fault then she said which fault was it i said it was mine then she said why was it mine then i ran out of word and told her that i would talk to her after the exams which means on summer holidays. Then i opened the gate again and she told me wait then she hugged me i felt comforted then i went.I do not know what to do again please Chase help.

Aussie Rhino's picture

I just spent the whole weekend chasing a girl who I thought was keen to hookup but got rejected in the end. I've always had some natural talent at picking up girls but never knew how deep the rabbit hole was. I made a multitude of mistakes on this girl and I think my story is a good one to help learn or point out some obvious mistakes I made and I hope someone can help point out the none obvious and give tips for the next time to better my approach strategies.
The girl just moved in with one of my best mates and currently has long distance relationship with a fella that calls her every night with jealous accusations and is generally not going well between them.
We met up on Friday night, got drunk and went out camping and fishing all night with 4 people. 3 guys. At first she paid no interest to me and I gave her very little attention too. When we finally had some alone time next to the fire, we got on like a house on fire and she was fully attentive and made almost constant eye contact and constant smiles and laughs.
It was a big night and we ended back up at their house in the morning and spent the day vegeing out and me sneaking off with her to her room to smoke joints throughout the day. We continued to get on well and were flirting a lot. I caught many signals from her. Come Saturday night, we're all chilling out watching movies half passed out. When she gets up to go to her room she stops, looks at me, and waves with a big smile. Normally I would have jumped at this sign but as exhausted as we were I simply smiled back and fell asleep.
Sunday morning the girl and I went shopping to get breakfast together. Things still seemed great between us as we cooked breakfast together even though I had diced an obvious offer the night before. The flirtations continued as they had. She went to work early afternoon and I went home and cleaned up and came back to hang out with my mate the rest of the day.
That night my mate had a date to go to at 6:30, and his housemate got home at around 6:15. I was in the room with her smoking a bong when my mate comes in and says he's leaving. At that moment I noticed a slightly alarming look on her face and she asked if I was going to. I said I'd stay if she didn't mind but was halfway out the door to move my car for him before she got to answer.
I go back inside after my mate's left and the girl seems to be a little on edge at me still being there. So we go out the front balcony with her laptop and a beer and keep talking for a short while before she asks me if I was alright to drive home. I respond by asking her if she wanted me to go and she answers "well that would be rude to say." At this point I'm outta of time and have missed ample opportunity to kiss her so ask her if I can kiss her then. She replies "you can, but I'd slap you in the face." (I do realize now that both of those questions I asked were probably a Huge no no)
I get up and grab my things and as I'm leaving I tell her thanks for the weed, next time I'll shout the smoke. She runs up to me and gives me a massive hug without saying anything and I left.
Now I'm confused.. I didn't show her any sign of being affected at all by the rejection even though it hurt. I don't know if I should have another go next weekend or if I've been already categorized as the dreaded "friends only" for failing to take the initiative on her earlier offers. I certainly won't call her this week for fear she may take this as a sign of desperation(I'm not, I just liked her a lot).
I won't get hung up on her at all if there's no chance left anymore for us to hook up. I don't know now though cause I took the rejection as a hard rejection at first but when she rushed to me to hug me as I was leaving I think it was more of a light rejection or something wasn't right in her head at that point in time or I failed to make a move quickly enough or if the lame ass question "can i kiss you" ruined it all.
I'm unsure at this point to call her in a week or two or leave things be. I will surely see her again at some point no matter cause she lives with a best mate of mine. Sorry about the long winded story guys/girls and I would be highly appreciative if one of you "pro's" could shed some light on the situation and give me advice for next time I see her or end up in a similar situation.

Peace,
Rhino from Down-Under.

P.S. It feels a lot better after sharing the experience.

Anonymous's picture

A girl I am digging was acting very interested in me. When we got close to her (me teaching her guitar) I made a move and started kissing her. She slightly responded at first, kissing back but not getting herself into a good position to keep kissing me. I put my hand on her leg and she said "I just got out of a relationship and I am not ready for this." I asked "You aren't ready for what?" She said "I don't know..."

At this point I hesitated. I didn't know what to do. After a minute I kissed her again a few times. She didn't push me away but she responded much less. Then she said "hey show me such and such on the guitar..." ending the festivities. I backed off and she got quiet and was acting like she wanted to be alone, so I left the room.

I will see her again soon (like tonight or tomorrow). How can I move this forward?

Crazy outsider's picture

This been a twenty year growing with her. Childhood memory we both hardy remember. Even we had got too closed and done so many weird things together. Gradually we both grew up but we were far for many years. After a long she came back to my life again to the same place. But during this time a lot of things were changed. I had grown up and even she was also grown with so fairness and beautiful eyes.

Years past but her returns could not lead to that moment where we used to be in the past. I used to flirt with so many girls and she used to know all the name which used to listed with me. She is my sister best fren. So why also she used to be updated with all about my action. And because our residency is also near...

Just before couple of months ago I heard she is getting married. I was so anxious listening about the news. We were both attracted with each other may be I was much attracted towards her because of her simplicity beauty and less ambitious..I could not express her. Precisely she had know that I love her cause whenever I used to meet her I used to say her that she is beautiful and I love her...She used to take it easily but she never approached me. When I meet her after I heard about her engagement with some other ..I used to see fear in her eyes. I thought her anxiousness was a feeling for me. But I could not express or purpose her right that time. I used to be really touché red I thought I was in true love with her. I had never realized that this could be possible with her. But I was gone really gone.

Just after a weeks I tell her I lover her. I love you truly and I want to marry with you. Will you marry me???but she didn't response me and when I said will you be happy with me being my bride then she denied......Then I left that day and never go to see her......

Being a close neighbor I cant ignore seeing her face. She usually come near to me. Whenever I am on weekend holiday she come near to me, Most of the time when I will be in the near bar shop for drink.
From backyard of wine shop I can see her home clearly and if she is standing in her top her house. I regularly glance her home and she also come upstairs when she know I am in weekend and in the bar.I really don’t understand whether she loves me or not. But I want to confirm from her heart. Not with her easy answer of ‘NO’. She says being my sister best fren she think me a brother which is not true.I want to hear the final answer from her…how should I ask her and affirm the final answer…

Anonymous's picture

hey chase brilliant article,just want to ask for your advise i have known this girl for quit some time now.
and we do chat quit frequently and just flirt around,and i asked her to be my girlfriend although the girl just put on some excuses. in her response she said honestly she doesnt know,she also said commitment. i just notice some fear within her and asking what i can do
hope my question does recieve a favourable response..

dr dovowm's picture

Being recently divorced, I am adapting my skills (deconstructing my mistakes, analyzing them - your website really helps, and synthesizing new approaches that fit who I am).

But a corollary to a fundamentally important point: that women are human and we should have a respectful approach, is to also have a respectful acceptance of rejection.

If you realize that her rejection is about her choice (or your methods) and not you as a person, it is easy to let it go and move on (I told her "if you ever change your mind, let me know").

We reject things all the time. For example, with material goods, a good salesman knows how to determine interest by being respectful and listening to the buyer's needs, and then honing in and finding the right product that meets those needs.

A good salesman can also uncover quickly if what he has is *not* a match for those needs, and refer the buyer elsewhere so he can move on to the next customer.

The good salesman accepts the rejection in a respectful way because his reputation stays intact and the buyer may come back if she sees something new that addresses her needs.

This is a different angle on the crux of what you say: it is the approach that needs changing, just as the buying customer may come back and say yes if enlightened to the right product.

Anonymous's picture

I like this girl alot past two years its been going great as friends she knows I like her we both come from culture where u need to be engaged or married tp talk to each other so she asked to meet my mother I agreed and asked her What will she do if my mother asked her about us and engagement and marriage she said I won't agree so I told her I don't want her to meet mother my and she said she is under alpt pressure from me and she is not ready and their no chance for us to be together so I ended the friendship with her I still have emotions for her what should I do ???

Anonymous's picture

I like this girl alot past two years its been going great as friends she knows I like her we both come from culture where u need to be engaged or married t0 talk to each other so she asked to meet my mother I agreed and asked her What will she do if my mother asked her about us and engagement and marriage she said I won't agree so I told her I don't want her to meet mother my and she said she is under alot pressure from me and she is not ready and their no chance for us to be together so I ended the friendship with her I still have emotions for her. after i said goodbye in a polite way she seemed mad next day at the pharmacy she works at she approached my best friend and asked if i have told him ( keep in mind i did ) he acted like i never told him so she told him the exact same story as i told him . so he told me she is trying to justify what she did and seemed pissed off all day he said he was scared from her . he told me just relax she will come back and talk to you . my other friend said go contact her and apologize and show her how u feel

Mr. X's picture

If she's not rejecting you "Personally", then she's rejecting your looks.

You make good points in saying a girl can't reject you at a personal level because she doesn't know you. And you yourself claim you have been rejected as well despite your proficiency and understanding of seduction.

So if she's not rejecting you as a person and you're a skilled and proficient seducer then what is she rejecting - YOUR LOOKS.

Yeah, I said it. The one thing no one wants to talk about and ignores. If you been in the game some time and have a decent approach but still getting rejected, it's your looks.

And for newbies, it's either their approach or their looks - or a combination of both.

If she has nothing more to judge you on then she's making her decision on what you looks like. It's not to say you're unattractive, you're just not attractive to her.

And while this might be a rosy way to frame it, after several hundred rejections you start to question your desirability.

Just like case studies are based on many, many individual people. If a pattern begins to emerge then a hypothesis can be formed.

If most of your approaches lead to rejections you can bet that it’s a high probability that you are not attractive to most women.

Yeah, that SUCKS. It's the luck of the draw and the hand we are dealt.

And this gets amplified 10X more when your are rejected by an average or below average looking girl.

Essentially you are saying, "brush it off and move on" but every little rejection stings. and eventually they begin to add up.

If you aren't allergic to bee's then one sting won't hurt you. But several hundred can kill you.

Dreanil's picture

Thanks lad, this article really helped me a lot. :) Just need to take things less seriously, like I am always doning. :D

Anonymous's picture

I asked this girl out a day before valentines day and she said I may be free.... Valentines day : I was at school I saw two of her friends come up to me and said " she got your invitation and she declined sorry it's not ur lucky day" and all my friends were next to me and all shouted " YOU JUST GOT REJECTEDD " after school one of her other friends came up to me and said " are you ok she feels like your really sad " any advice on what I should do

Anonymous's picture

"...you're incredibly cute" - I think she knows that, why did you say it?
And btw, do you have a rss feed?
Thank you.

Whatgives?'s picture

I've always been curious as to why us guys are always expected to do all the work? Why do we have to keep doing the approaching? Why are we so bloody obsessed with giving women all the power by being too enthusiastic and cheapening ourselves?

In these days of feminism, where the rhetoric is all about equality and equal treatment, why in the hell does everything never change for a man, why does everything stay the same for us?

Anonymous's picture

Be careful what you wish for.

They don't want to be equal to men; they want to do without men. Have you noticed a tsunami of lesbianism lately? Expect more.

Geoffrey Craig's picture

Great work chase.
Met a doc at the hospital when I took my parents. She was always surrounded my other docs or patient. So I wrote a letter to her on the next appointment. When I saw her coming I walked to her and gave her the letter. She rejected it telling me that she doesn't know me.
On the way home I look back and she was behind me. So I approach her. Apologized for the way I came on to her... She responded that I was excused with a smile... I took it a little further by telling her my name and asked for her name. But she responded that "it was not necessary". I said ok and walked away.
The thing is I really like her... And I don't want to let go. And we are having an appointment soon.

Nadav's picture

Hey Chase,
I know you said you need to talk to many girls to succeed and improve in picking up girls, and I was just imagining the situation of let's say me being in a club, talking to a girl and getting rejected. I will then look for another girl to talk to and open her and she saw that i opened the last girl that rejected me, wouldn't it make me look desperate? Sorry for and if I have a bad English.
Thanks

Anonymous's picture

Just imagine this kind of day:
Ok so today, I got a letter that says my student loans are due starting this month. My mom broke an ankle and is in the hospital. My best friend has a a huge crisis with her jerk boyfriend and she's slipping into depression. My little sister just got dumped. My research papers are due this evening. My toilet just clogged and that's fine because we are out of TP anyway. I'm really stressed out and I try my best to manage and then some dude tries to talk me up on my way to buy way too expensive inc for my printer.
I wouldn't care if it was Ryan Gosling or Brad Pitt, I would not care! Men take rejection so personally. Most of the time, it has NOTHING to do with them. It's just, I'm sorry I'm just not available 24/7 for flirting/meeting strangers! I have my moods, my i don't want to talk to anybody moments, my problems, challenges and so on.
I had boys insulting me for refusing to give them my number. It makes you feel horrible, like you are surrounded by dangerous animals who attack you if you don't comply. There is something really scary about men who insult you when you reject them - like you know they are harbouring some intense rage and you might end up a target just because you are of the feminine sex. Sorry for my english. I hope this helps understand some kinds of rejection you encountered.

Anonymous's picture

Yeah. And all attacks you get are from bitter guys who are inexperienced or just thinking that they are entitled to get you because how good they are. In both cases they are someone who has not revelead or just have hidden the true man that is inside him, so its better to reject 'em. And if you are just tired of everything and you reject experienced man or at least one who would be worth it - he won't mind, smile, say 'Have a nice day then' and leave you alone.

And of course, girl, save yourself from becoming bitter about all the men that approach you, cause it would be lose-lose scenario with those guys who could make good match for you :)

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