“I Can’t Get Girls Because Girls Only Want [BLANK]”


Four friends gathered together at a bar for a drink after work. As they sipped down their beers, the conversation drifted to talk of women... and their myriad troubles with them.

“I can’t get girls, bros,” sighed the good-looking man forlornly. “And it’s because – of course! – they only want to date guys with money.” He looked around at his friends, waiting for a response.

can't get girls because

“Hmph,” said the wealthy man, responding. “You think you’ve got it bad? I can’t get girls because they only want to date guys who are tall!”

“Pssh, that’s nothing,” said the tall man. “The reason I can’t get girls is because they only ever get with guys who are white.”

“That sucks, but you know what the worst is?” said the average-looking white man. “The worst is that girls only want to be seen with guys who are good-looking.”

Overhearing the conversation, another man spun his barstool around to face them. He was a rather ordinary-looking, none-too-tall Asian man of about 30. He certainly wasn’t rich. Even still, he was well-dressed; he beamed charisma; and he possessed a presence that could fill a room. “Guys, are you for real?” he asked with a friendly but confused smile, facing them. They looked at him quizzically. “Look over there,” he said, pointing to another section of the bar.

The four men turned to see a short, ugly, dark-skinned man talking with a 5’6” blonde bombshell and her brunette friend. Both girls were laughing, and the blonde was touching the man.

“He must be rich,” said the good-looking guy.

“Actually, he’s dead broke,” said the man who’d pointed him out to them.

“Well, they must just be friends,” said the tall man.

“No, they only met a few minutes ago,” said this new man.

“They’re just being polite,” said the average-looking white man. “He’s way too ugly for girls like them. They’re about to excuse themselves to go find a hot guy any minute.”

Just after he said this, the short, ugly, dark-skinned man and the blonde girl both stepped away from the booth the three’d been standing in front of and waved farewell to the brunette, who waved back at them with a big grin before sliding into the booth. Then the blonde girl and the short, dark-skinned, ugly broke man walked out of the bar together, off into the night.

“Well...?” said the fifth man, certain he was about to watch four heads explode.

“He just has a really great personality,” said the wealthy man, after a brief pause.

“Okay, great!” said the fifth man, not missing a beat. “Now you all know what you need to do, then. Go get a good personality, and you can get girls!”

“No,” they all said collectively.

“That’s not any of us,” added the good-looking man. “That guy’s just way too dynamic.”

“Ah, I see,” said the fifth man. “It isn’t that you can’t get what you want. It’s that you just don’t want to do what’s required of you to get it.”


The Problem’s Not Me, You See...

“Why should I have to become someone I’m not to get women?” asked the wealthy man.

“That’s the beauty of it!” said the fifth man. “You don’t have to! You can accept what life hands you and never have to lift a finger!”

“Yeah, but life isn’t giving me what I want,” said the tall man.

“Ah, there’s the rub! Life is not a conscious entity,” said the fifth man. “Life is inert. Life does not peer into your mind and read what you want and hand it to you. There is no ‘the secret’ where you just focus on stuff and then it falls in your lap. Life is a bowl full of awesome, but the only way to get any of it is to reach in and grab it. If you just stare at it and wait for the awesome to come to you, well, you might as well just wait for hell to freeze over.”

“That doesn’t make sense though,” said the average-looking white man. “I see all these good-looking men all around me with women.”

“Yeah,” said the good-looking man; “I see all these wealthy men with trophy wives and girlfriends on their arms!”

“Hear hear,” said the wealthy man. “Everywhere I look, I see beautiful women with tall men.”

“Tell me about it,” said the tall man. “Every time I walk down the street, I see a white dude with a stunner.”

“Well if simply having this attribute that you proclaim is the key to getting girls is all it takes, how do you explain your confederates?” the fifth man asked. “How do each of you explain the lack of results the others here have who possess exactly the traits you say women want?”

“I don’t know,” said the average-looking white man. “They just don’t talk to enough girls probably.”

“That’s not the problem for me, bro,” said the good-looking man. “My problem is that girls just reject me.”

“Same here,” said the wealthy man. “I’d talk to them if I thought it was going to go anywhere, but it isn’t.”

“Thirded,” said the tall man. “I’ve met plenty of girls. They just don’t like me.”

“Girls reject me before I even walk up,” chimed in the average-looking white man. “It’s just a look in their eyes... you can see it. It says ‘Don’t talk to me.’ So I don’t.”

“So in other words,” said the fifth man, “whatever it is that you’re missing that stops you from getting girls, it can’t be these things you’re saying are the reason then... because otherwise, your friends would all be doing significantly better than they are.”


Dissonance

“That’s not it,” said the tall man. “Jamie’s got it good with girls, he just hasn’t realized it yet.”

“Are you kidding?” exclaimed Jamie, the average-looking white man. “Beau’s the one who doesn’t get it; he doesn’t realize his male model looks make it so easy for him to get girls, if only he tried.”

“Hold the salami,” said Beau, the good-looking man. “Do you know how many women I’ve been turned down and friend zoned by? I guarantee you it’d be a different story if I was rich like Steve, unless I want to bone fat chicks. But fat chicks depress me...”

“Ha!” cried Steve, the wealthy man. “You think women want money? The only ones who have time for me are the gold diggers, and I don’t want anything to do with those whores. I want a real woman... but they all want someone who’s tall, like Chris.”

“No way,” said Chris, the tall man. “Trust me, everybody says it, but it ain’t true. They’re impressed by the height, but it doesn’t make a difference when it’s time to pick who they’re going home with at the end of the night. They might flirt with the tall guy, but they all want to be with the white guy.”

can't get girls because

“That’s horseshit,” said Jamie, the average-looking white man. “I already told you, girls go for looks!

“Well if girls go for looks, then where’s my girlfriend?” asked Beau, the good-looking man. “I’m 27 years old and I’ve never had an attractive girlfriend. And I probably never will until I get a 6-figure bank account.”

“Don’t waste your time,” said Steve, the wealthy man. “All that time I spent building a small fortune, only to realize I’d have been better off having my legs lengthened.”

“Ain’t you listening to anything I’ve been saying?” said Chris, the tall man. “They want white guys, not tall guys.”


Compromise

“Wait guys,” said Jamie, the average-looking white man. “This is stupid. You know what I think it is, is we’ve been missing part of the picture.”

“What do you mean?” asked Steve, the wealthy man.

“What I mean is,” said Jamie, “it isn’t ONE of these things women want. They want ALL of them.”

“You mean,” said Chris, the tall guy, “that women only want to date a guy who’s rich, tall, white, and good-looking?”

“That’s right,” said Jamie. “That’s why the only guys you ever see with girls are rich, tall, white, and good-looking.”

“That’s true,” said Beau, the good-looking man. “Women are such bitches! They only want to date you if you have everything!

“I don’t mean to rain on this pity party,” said the fifth man, “but I see a lot of guys who are not rich, tall, white, and good-looking with some pretty attractive women.”

“Yeah, but they don’t want to date those guys!” said Chris, the tall man. “If they could have a rich, tall, white, good-looking guy, they’d leave their man in a snap!”

“Isn’t that kind of like saying that if you could have a tall, sexy, gorgeous girl with a pencil-thin waist and a pair of double-Ds you’d leave your girlfriend for her in a second?” asked the fifth man.

“No, that’s different,” said Steve, the wealthy man. “Because we’re men, and men are loyal. Women are always looking for the Next Big Thing. They’re only with you until he comes along, and then you’re dust.”

“Yeah!” said Beau, the good-looking man. “You have to be perfect, all the time!”

“Are you serious?” said the fifth man. “Because I’m pretty sure you guys all said you suck with women. So I’m trying to figure out exactly where you got this intimate knowledge of how women operate in relationships you all seem to have.”

“It’s common knowledge,” said Jamie, the average-looking white man. “Talk to anyone. Everybody knows women are this way.”

“Really?” said the fifth man, chuckling. “Because that hasn’t been my experience at all.”

“Well, you probably just got lucky and dated some loyal chicks,” said Chris, the tall guy.

“Okay, so why don’t you guys just date some loyal chicks then?” said the fifth man.

“Those girls are all married by like age 20,” said Chris, the other men nodding in agreement.

“But didn’t you just say I must’ve dated these girls whom I couldn’t have dated because all of them are married?” asked the fifth man, mildly vexed.

“What?” said Steve. “Look, all he’s saying is that MOST women are like that, and maybe you got lucky a few times but you won’t with your next girl, I guarantee it.”

“Excuse me if I have no interest in taking relationship advice from a bunch of men who suck with women,” said the fifth man, laughing sarcastically again. “Oh, wait,” he continued, still laughing, “not suck. Just aren’t tall, rich, good-looking white guys.”

“We’ll see how funny you think it is when your next girlfriend dumps you for one,” retorted Steve.

“Yeah, because tall, rich, good-looking white guys are roving the streets in packs, nailing women where they stand because girls are just so crazy desperate for their dicks,” the fifth man said.

Just then, his phone buzzed in his pants pocket. It was a text from Vish, his short, ugly, broke, dark-skinned friend: “Banged her in bk seat of her car – 20 mins meet 2 fck!” it read. Vish then sent over a photo of his cumshot over the girl’s face, which the man laughed at and showed to the four other men.

“He just got lucky, man,” said Chris, the tall man.

“He does it all the time,” the fifth man said flatly.

“I told you, it’s his personality,” said Steve, the wealthy man.

“Okay, so it’s NOT about being rich, tall, good-looking, and white, then,” said the fifth man.

“No,” said Jamie, becoming visibly frustrated, “because if that girl met a guy who was rich, tall, good-looking, and white, your little broke ugly brown friend would’ve been invisible to her instantly.”

“So how come she didn’t just walk over here and talk to you guys?” the fifth man asked.

“Because none of us are all of those things... duh!” said Beau, the good-looking guy.


He’s No Scot

Just then, a tall, good-looking white man in an expensive suit walked into the bar and up to the blonde bombshell’s brunette friend, still sitting in her booth. He looked confused and gestured around to the bar in an uncertain manner. The brunette friend shrugged her shoulders and an expressive “I don’t know!” look popped onto on her face.

A moment later, the blonde bombshell reentered the bar, alone. The tall, good-looking white man in an expensive suit turned around and noticed her, a look of happy relief spread through his face and body language. He threw out his arms, gesturing for her to come hug him. The bombshell walked up to him and placed a warm kiss onto his lips, and the two sat down in the booth with the blonde’s brunette friend, arms interlocked, the man oblivious to what had just transpired between the blonde girl and the fifth man’s friend.

“Looks like she found her tall, rich, good-looking white guy,” said the fifth man. “Actually, looks like she had him all along!” he added.

“She’s just a slut; it doesn’t count,” said Steve, the wealthy guy.

can't get girls because

“No true Scotsman?” asked the fifth man.

“What’s that?” said Steve.

“No true Scotsman. It’s a logical fallacy whereby you keep moving the goal posts so that your argument can never be invalidated,” said the fifth man. “That is to say, if I say, ‘No Scotsman puts sugar on his porridge!’ and you say, ‘Well my friend from Barra puts sugar on his porridge,’ and I say, ‘Well your friend from Barra is not a true Scotsman.’ You can say that about everything. Thus, there are no true Scotsman.”

“I’m not following you,” said Steve.

“You guys all bemoan some specific reason you can’t change as being the reason why you can’t get girls,” said the fifth man. “Well, whenever I point out a counterexample to you, you move the goal posts and say yeah but that example doesn’t count because X. Or that girl doesn’t count because Y. Your entire lives are a series of giving yourselves outs by claiming there are no true Scotsman whenever presented with evidence that refutes your positions.”

“I don’t think you understand,” said Steve. “I’m not giving myself an out. Women genuinely only want men who are tall. That’s why they don’t want me.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” said Chris, the tall man. “Steve, slow your roll, homie. I thought I made it clear before – ladies want white, not height.”

“Chris, how many times do I have to say it?” said Jamie, the average-looking white man, his cheeks flushing with anger. “Women don’t give a damn about your skin color; what they want is looks!

“Jamie, I like you, but you’re kinda dense, bro,” said Beau, the good-looking man. “Trust me, looks AREN’T it – the only guys I ever see with hot girls are the guys with money.”

“Beau, I’ve told you a thousand times,” said Steve, the wealthy man, “women do NOT care about money. They want men who are tall!”

“Oh, you just want an excuse to fail,” said Chris, the tall man. “Everybody here knows it’s all about being white. Stop pretending that’s not it. You think I’m blind or something?”

“You think being white is some kind of magic pass to pussy?” asked Jamie incredulously. “You think I’ve ever once had a girl want to do anything with me because I’m white?”

“I think you probably have, yeah,” said Chris.

“No, man!” yelled Jamie, the average-looking white man. “They ignore me, because I’m not good-looking enough!”

“Oh boo-hoo, you’re such a victim,” said Beau, the good-looking guy. “Looks don’t mean a thing. Every woman I meet treats me like her pretty friend. All they care about is money!”

“I’ve had enough of this bullshit,” said Steve, the wealthy man. “As if we’re just going to keep acting like it’s all about money and not all about height. You guys are a joke,” and he turned and stormed out of the bar.

“I’m out of here too,” said Jamie, the average-looking white man. “I’m tired of you calling me lucky for being white,” he said to Chris, the tall man, “and you not realizing how good you have it with your looks,” he said to Beau, the good-looking man, then left.

“You want a ride home?” Beau, the good-looking man asked Chris, the tall man, after Steve and Jamie had left. “Those guys are a couple of putzes.”

“Yeah,” said Chris. “I can’t believe Jamie doesn’t realize how good he has it being white.”

“And I can’t believe Steve doesn’t realize how much ass he can get with a bank account like that!” Beau said as both men dismounted from their barstools.

“I can’t believe how blind all of you guys are!” said the fifth man, laughing again.

“Bro, whatever,” said Beau. “You think it’s funny because you’ve got it so easy with girls.”

“How?” the fifth man called incredulously, still laughing, as the other two walked away. “I’m not tall, rich, good-looking, or white! I’m none of the things you guys all said are the only things that women want! How do I have it easy?! Where are you going?” He almost fell on the floor laughing, but the two just ignored him and walked out the door.

His laughter dying down, he spun his barstool back around to face the bar, and wiped a tear away from his eye. He’d been laughing pretty hard.

As he prepared to order another round and see what more the night had in store for him, he noticed an attractive woman sitting two stools down from him now, an empty stool between them. He leaned over to speak with her. “How’s your night going?” he asked.

“Fine!” she yelled over the music. She was smiling – a polite smile, but still a smile. He took it as a sign that she didn’t have an opinion on him yet, so he might as well continue.

“I’m Gio!” he said, flashing a big grin and holding out his hand.

“Samantha!” she responded, taking it.

“Why don’t you move a stool down, it’s lonely over there!” he said immediately, still holding her hand and gesturing to the stool next to him.

“Okay!” she said, and slid over. Gio grinned wider; the party was only just getting started.

Chase Amante

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Comments

Dilusha's picture

Finally


Finally, Chase solved my problem. But are you sure that brown skinned, ugly, short man was a south asian like me? Just kidding. But I'm not ugly or very short.

Lingua's picture

Hair Styles


Great article Chase!

The dialogues may sound exaggerated at first, but I'm sure most of us have experienced very similar ones in real life.

I know you've got a lot on your plate, Chase, but it would be really beneficial if you could touch upon the subject of sexy hair styles. I'd like to hear your experiences on it. As far as I know, there's been two detailed articles on fashion, and two on facial hair but none on hair styles.

You mentioned that long hair was common among seducers, I know that you like to dissect things and look at them from a scientific point of view, so it would be great if you could categorize the types of hair (perhaps along with types of skin color, facial shape, hair density and length) and the best styles to go with them. I'm currently sporting long hair just past my shoulders, and since it's quite curly it's takes a fair bit of maintenance to prevent frizz. I'm wondering whether this style is beneficial in terms of fundamentals, or whether I'm actually shooting myself in the foot by wasting time on it and not looking as best as I can be.

Thanks.

David Riley's picture

Noted!


Hey Lingua,

I will let Chase and the other authors know about your request.

Just Dave

lao che's picture

very good


awesome. well done.

in parts reminiscent of paulo coelho

TubyDuby's picture

Physically weak


Well, Chase... Some girls teased me or rejected me on the fact that I look thin and because of my heart related illness I can't do sports that much and my muscles are lame. So some girls told me I wouldn't be able to defend 'em on the street, they're right so they said they won't go anywhere with me. Turning it to down as no big deal, laughing it off didn't work at all. So I would say I can't get them because of this. Any ideas?
I can get some girls, but lots of them notice it and tease me on it as being kind of wuss, not a man they would like to chase.

Best Regards,
TubyDuby

Dilusha's picture

Can it be cured?


What exactly is your illness? Can it be cured?

TubyDuby's picture

Well, I don't know


I have to admit that I don't know it exactly. I have been tested on this through my teenage years and doctors just said me I should avoid physical activities as as a child I have carried some heavy stuff and I had rupture (under my stomach on one side), then I have been said that my heart is week and I should abstain from doing anything that requires physical strength.
At this point I don't carry weights harder than somewhat 4-5kg (I know, it may seem ridiculous) and don't take much sports. But as you pointed out I think I should get checked as an adult and get as clear picture of my true problems as I can. But still as I am now not at good physical shape I got some girls saying:
* What if some guy attacked me and said you to leave? You would leave, cause you're so weak, but man should protect girl, what do you think? (in a teasing voice)
* What do you think of scyscrapers? (and I was fazed mumbling 'well, they are tall and strong' and she laughed back at me 'haha, the way you are not'...
I know I can fix it somehow. Whether physically get normal shape or just know how to handle this shit-testing... But I don't know how to respond. Once they hit me with 'you are weak' there seems to be no way to respond well...

TR's picture

Damn, great story!


Haha what a piece. I've always liked how you break down social dynamics and explain things, but this was very refreshing. Great read.

TR's picture

Dealing with girls' insecuirites


Hey Chase,
After reveling in how much I enjoyed this story, it came to my attention that sometimes these things do matter to girls because it makes them uncertain.

In another article I read by Ricardus on screening for a good girlfriend, he noted that girls with low self-esteem tend to believe they don't deserve the best and will often sabotage themselves.

As a particularly short man, (height being my "disadvantage", if you will) I've noticed that even though I can have an outstanding interaction with a woman that clearly likes me, when it comes to closing she may still sabotage herself. This usually happens with women much taller than I am, and though I have no doubt that she really likes me, I'm also pretty certain that the height thing makes her a bit insecure. These women consistently fall over hard for me afterwards (lack of control + attraction is dynamite) but they have that mental block that sabotages them more often than not.

Do you think you could post up a follow-up article on how to handle things like this? Perhaps it has to do with setting the right frames, or maybe it's just a matter of letting go and looking for the right girls instead.

Chase Amante's picture

Girls' Insecurities

Author

TR-

Absolutely, each of the things mentioned by the various characters in the story matter. The key with them, of course, is that none of them is the full picture, and often someone who's trapped in victim mentality will pick something and make it the full picture to escape failure by framing it not as his own failure to act and do what's needed, but that of a broken world or an unlucky hand dealt to him that he is helpless to do anything about.

The article on women who are of two minds about getting together with you (attraction vs. "wait, he isn't [attribute] enough for me!") would be a great one - I've got it noted down. Wonderful idea for a topic.

Chase

TR's picture

Cool


I'm glad you think it's as interesting as I do. I'm fairly gifted in most attributes aside from height, so I can relate to it from that perspective, even if I have to acknowledge that its a warped one.

And from that perspective, 99% of all internet literature on the topic is geared towards insecure men and basically tries to make them feel better about it. Nothing substantial. I have given up on looking for a legitimate article on height-based mental blocks because it's simply a waste of my time and the garbage I find just fills my head with negative thoughts and general pity.

I have my own set of notes on the topic that I'd be glad to share, but if I were to publish them on some other shitty blog no short guys would believe me through cognitive dissonance and I'd just be wasting my time again. It's hard to find someone that can provide any good inputs at all. I suppose Tom Cruise would be a good person to interview about this, but I don't know him, or anybody like him (other than myself, as I've been told), so figuring this out has always been down to me.

I'm looking forward to hearing what you have to say about the "whole 2 minds about you" dilemma, because on a personal level this seems to be my final door.

Thanks,
- TR

DS's picture

Yep!


Absolutely TR. This sabotage is real and is a result of intense social programming (pressures/beliefs) that she is not consciously aware of....

Crunch's picture

+1 with TubyDuby


Great short story! No better way to get a point across than like that.

After reading TubyDuby, it reminded me of my own experiences with a similar issue: I have a moderate case of pectus excavatum: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pectus_excavatum

While such things with your body that is perceptively undesirable to women in a mate don't stop you getting results with women, by and large, they're by no means helpful. Being a tall, handsome, white guy, I might have it easier than some people, but I definitely understand the sentiments of people who struggle with being judged on their body. Unlike wealth, you can't change your body as part of your fundamentals like you can with fashion, voice, posture, etc. So while I can hide my chest initially, it's a huge roadblock to getting intimate with a girl.

Just like TubyDuby has established, you can't change women's perceptions of such stuff; you can only defuse the issue for her (if she makes it an issue). Any advice on 'defusing' the issue or another approach would be greatly appreciated.

Love the website!

Chase Amante's picture

Sunken Chest

Author

Crunch-

That's tricky. Two things I can see you doing to tackle it in various ways:

1. If you're just going for sex, I'd focus on escalating rapidly with girls, getting their pants off, and then getting yours, and having sex with them with both your shirts still on. Unless she's running her hands up and down your chest there's a good chance she may never even know you have a sunken chest under your shirt if it's just a one-night stand.

If she's a girl you want as a girlfriend, the more morally responsible thing to do is probably to let her see it first and then proceed as normal, since the Wikipedia article indicates there being a genetic component and waiting to tell her until after you're lovers and she's got the in-love chemicals blinding her to anything about you she might dislike seems somewhat not fair to her. On the other hand, all's fair in love and war, I suppose...

2. I'd also recommend spending a lot more time at beaches (shirtless), and even practice doing beach approaches. You'll get plenty of weird reactions, which'll make you self-conscious at first, but you'll also stumble across some girls who treat you like they don't even notice and are just straight into you. You only need a couple of these to send your confidence shooting a lot higher, and you'll eventually start ignoring the girls who give you odd reactions and just comb through them for the ones who are feeling it instead.

Chase

Anonymous's picture

I Can Relate


Crunch,

I definitely can relate to your struggle as I too have gone through the same problems with having Sunken Chest. And while I was always considered a good looking man, that was an issue that used to be a hindrance. ...at least I thought it was until I found this website! After getting my fundamentals handled, which took months of grinding and rejection, it finally got to a point that I noticed upon escalation, the women would be too turned on to notice that I had a crater in my chest haha. It actually ended working in my favor as it made me more relatable to them (treating it as a Byronic trait, sense of vulnerability, etc) whenever they'd ask about it. Remember, women also have things going on with their bodies that they're insecure about! I've found that treating it as if it's no big deal works like a charm as well.

Now, I have been working out a while because I grew tired of my chest looking that way so it isn't as noticable as before. I started doing a lot of high volume upper body workouts and as I gained more muscle mass, it appeared more normal. Hope that helps man!

Stay CooI

Anonymous's picture

Great article! I appreciated


Great article! I appreciated a lot the style and the form you used to convey your message. It was really refreshing to read a natural conversation. I could imagine all the pictures in my head. I would like to see this kind of article (conversation type) again.
Good job Chase!

Europa's picture

Wow, your something else man


Wow, your something else man with these stories..

*Just curious, did Northern European guys pick on you when you were younger..?

Chase Amante's picture

Northern European

Author

Europa-

I'm Northern European.

Chase

Paulus's picture

Chase, I thought you were of


Chase, I thought you were of Italian descent/Italian American?

Chase Amante's picture

Descent

Author

Paulus-

I'm a good mix of varied European stock, but a full 50% (perhaps slightly more) of that is Celtic/Irish/English.

The commenter Europa seems to have assumed that the article in question was ragging on white men, when in fact it is pointing out the flaw in the reasoning of men who fixate on a single issue as their excuse for non-success, one of the most frequent of which I see from guys is "I can't get girls because I'm not white."

Chase

Europa's picture

Always insightful


Hey, no disrespect man, I in fact think you're tremendously insightful and an outstanding writer. I just disagreed with some aspects of your article, forgive me for the way I addressed it Chase.

Jonas's picture

Hello, I hoped there would be


Hello, I hoped there would be some conclusion to it all and not just "it is about your game and who you are as a person". That whole discussion seemed stupid to me, because in that group, every one of them mention they want what the other guy has. The part where girl went and fucked the guy in her car and then got back to meet her boyfriend? It pretty much scared me. If any do that. And I mean those very beautiful and sexy ones. Thing is, I would probably never know. What eyes dont see does not hurt the heart goes the saying? But still.

Also, you mentioned in another article how girls divide guys into groups or boxes. So there must be something true about that they do certain things with certain guys. I guess if I was very sexual, many girls could be turned off BUT I might find one or two who would go along. Now thing with this is, I have certain identity. I am more of a friend to women. And if I tried to change that, I would feel fake. Now I do not mean 180 degree turn but following - we all hear how being busy is more attractive to them, they value the time you spend together. But if I have time every evening because that is how my life is, should I tell her I have time every evening if we tried to figure out when to hang out? You recommend to ask for shedule and then find when she is free. But to me, it feels like chasing with those questions, when do you have time, when are you free etc. What I mean, should I maintain integrity with who I am, but then I might not change for better, or what? If I start behaving the way I do not behave normally, it could work with new people I meet, but then I would feel fake as I said. I am friend to this girl, but direct sexual touchy guy to this one. I am not sure if it would be a good idea.

Different thing that makes my head spin around a lot lately is, you mentioned to move fast but how do I know if the girl is not better to be my friend early enough? I mean, I do not have many friends, I could use some more but if I want to fuck her, you recommend us to go for that. And if I screw up, I dont think we can be friends after that.

Thank you,
Jonas

Franco's picture

The Media Has Socially Programmed You


Jonas,

You have a lot of misconceptions here that are leading to your cognitive dissonance. One of the biggest problems is that you feel like changing your social tendencies toward women is going to make you become "fake" or "not natural." The only reason you feel that way is that you've never developed your social tendencies to be sexual toward women. On top of that, media and society has programmed you to believe that "being yourself" is what is best for YOU. Of course, who you are is just a result of what paths of action you've taken prior to where you are today. If you aren't getting results with women even though you want them, then the path you took toward developing your interactions with them was not the correct one.

As a matter of fact, I could argue that who you are RIGHT NOW is actually the "fake" Jonas because the REAL Jonas wants to sleep with beautiful women and give them the time of their lives and instead, they are having to deal with "fake" Jonas who wants to sleep with them but has developed himself to perform friendly interactions that are not conducive to getting what he truly desires.

You are what you train yourself to become. Unfortunately, for the nice guys who learned the wrong habits for meeting and seducing women, you have to re-program your thinking and learn what it is that women REALLY want. And obviously this is going to require re-programming of the way you interact with them. Once you do enough of this, the "new" you will feel much more natural than the old you. When you start out, however, it will feel very unnatural because you've programmed yourself to be unnatural with women.

Also, when you interact with enough women, you learn pretty quickly which ones you are interested in and which ones you aren't interested in. When I say quickly, I mean a matter of 5 to 10 minutes. At that point, if you feel like a woman would make a better friend than a lover, you can choose to run the interaction to guide her in that direction instead.

- Franco

Michal's picture

my trauma


Hi, Chase.
I had some rough time lately, could use your advice. As I mentioned a year ago, I have this trauma thing since I was 7, I still have very high emotional reaction, mostly fear and panic, sweat and "get away from source asap", when I touch a girl. And if I like her, it is about twice as bad. Now, I had a girlfriend for couple of months, we broke up in April. Not on bad terms, but she moved abroad. Now with that thing, the problem I have now, only her and one former friend knows this. She offered me her ears once (the friend) and at that time my female friend of 5 years died. So I talked to her about this trauma thing, because it was too much (I almost never share things like that, only with people I carefully pick). I soon realized that it was very big mistake, the girl does not give a shit about me, ignores me, she was just being polite, tried to look nice. Basically I got fooled by her niceness at that time. Now she feels special to me because she knows something about me that only 2 people know. I have conversations with her in my head, I see scenarios like she wants to help me get over it, so we have "hug sessions". Now I thought I would apply the method in your "special one" article, telling someone else. But it is pretty big thing to me, I have found only two people who could have understand it and not judge me, but she died and I regret a little that I never told her, second is abroad for couple of years.

I also dont want to go to people who have no idea, would not understand that and just tell them for the sake of reducing the "uniqueness" of this one former female friend who refused any of my suggested outings. The thing that bugs me, she knows, she should not, because I do not exist for her anymore and now I keep investing in her. It is like after break up in April.
Advice, please? I am starting to go insane a little :-/

Michal

David Riley's picture

Article Links


Hello Michal,

Sounds like you've been through a great ordeal. I would suggest interacting with new people not just women to get your mind off her. I'm going to share some articles with you.

Can't Stop Thinking about Her
Her Investment in You
Being Vulnerable

Hope that helps!

Stay Strong,

Just Dave

Anonymous's picture

frustrated chump.


i'm completely frustrated. i don't understand at the macro level what all of this means. but perhaps it's because all women are different? does everything, and i mean everything, need to be balanced? do you have to make a girl chase or should you just close? how do i know when to do what? do i always make her chase or do i need to chase sometimes too? the making her chase doesn't seem to last very long. how does all this change in a relationship? these are the kinds of questions i have with almost every aspect of pickup and the questions and answers seem to be constantly changing.

:(

David Riley's picture

Start Here


Hey Anon,

The basic takeaway from this article is it is about how anyone who works hard enough to understand women can obtain them. This was a rallying cry to get men to stop making excuses on how to get women. It was really telling guys to stop focusing on advice that doesn't work or help.

How to Get a Girl

This article highlights the basic understanding of what actually attracts women. Once you understand that basic concept, you'll be able to look at current articles with more clarity.

Just Dave

Anonymous's picture

Adaptation


Hey Chase !

For days I have read your sites and undoubtedly it has helped me by leaps and bounds. But I am still not even close to being a seducer. Girls are always around me they just orbit me ,... but i havent been bedding them . One of the reasons i do realise is that i have high standards. But also one main reason i feel is ADAPTATION. I have always been able to adapt myself in other spheres of life but this is one sphere i completely failed to improve by the same rate. The reason has been when the situations dont usually go your way , you have to find creative ways to adapt and improvise. If you cannot deal with a cockblock or a mood swing from or hell even the girls bratty friends, that you dont end up taking the girl home .And that i feel is the key. I think an article on the mere importance of adaptation would be of great help .

David Riley's picture

Noted and Article Links


Hey Anon,

I will Chase and the other authors know of your request. In the meantime check out these helpful articles.

Seeing the Room
Dealing with Cockblocks
Male Competition
Making a Move

Take care,

Just Dave

Anonymous's picture

I felt like this article was


I felt like this article was written for me (OK, 95% of the guys out there). I am a short, South Asian man born in the States with average looks. For most of my life, I've been unconsciously blue-pilled into believing love and sex will just happen. Imagine the rude awakening I had when I was 30+ years old and things that were supposed to kinda happen never did. I feel blessed to find a site such as this. The journey has been a slow and arduous one. Maybe one day I'll reach the ranks of Gio.

Emile's picture

thanks


Hey,
Chase thanks for your support and efforts to dissect seduction for us guys, like these 4 blokes. Takes patience and a good heart.
So can you help me with one thing because i feel im close to the finish line: i took a girl from work on a date. She seemed into me but somewhere i messed up and she started to send mixed signals (friendzone to flirt). Broke through resistance and kissed her at the end. She texted me that nothing is going to happen between us. Invited her on 2nd date but she ignored the text. Day after, in person, she agreed to come to my place to model for my art portfolio while saying "no touching." Should i move on or is it a sign? And how far does one persist without turning into chasing?

Forever gratefull,
Emile

Chase Amante's picture

Art Portfolio Date

Author

Emile-

There're a few things there that make that tricky, but the biggest one is that you work with her. I don't know how much face time the two of you have at work, but if it gets weird or awkward and this is an important job for you it's potentially a big problem. Since she's already giving lots of mixed signals, if work is important I'd just call off the date with her and focus on meeting women elsewhere.

If you'll proceed anyway - I haven't done these dates myself, but I have friends who have. Usually my artist friends are known among their circles for taking nudes of girls and women just come to them for nude photographs and sex happens fairly easily after that. If you're not doing something along those lines, I can still see a path to escalation where you move to help her with her pose and stop before touching her and ask, "Can I? I just want to fix your pose..." and then readjust her, and gradually start readjusting her more and more as you take pictures or paint, and get progressively more flirty and intimate, starting and stopping, beginning and backing off.

Again though, she seems uncertain, so I'd step lightly with this one. Don't threaten your job to escalate on a girl who's going to go so far with you, and then change her mind later and regret doing it when she retroactively decides you weren't someone she wanted to do that with.

Chase

Emile's picture

thanks


Chase,

Thanks for getting back to me so fast! I hear you and remember a quote "dont look for a honey where you make your money". Ill move along with the advice you gave me and see where it goes. I just wanted to know your view if constantly asking for a date is chasing or persisting. Btw im an apprentice tattoo artist drawing pin up girls sp things might get interesting:)

Thank you,
Emile

Black Jeans's picture

Good job


Hey chase,

I must tell you that i have been following your articles from your site for quite some time and i must tell you that, it has made some reasonable differences in my life. Majority of published articles are relevant to the dating life here. I would say keep up the good work. Perhaps an article to how to handle competition would be relevant to most people here.

David Riley's picture

Article Link


Hey Jeans,

Check out this link here.

Handling Competition

Just Dave

Anonymous's picture

jealousy


Chase, I and many other guys I know struggle with jealousy issues. IT'S hard to live with this syndrome. Can you write an article how to cope with jealousy? Thank you!

David Riley's picture

Article Link


Hey Anon,

Check out this article on jealousy.

Dealing with Jealousy

Just Dave

Rocky's picture

India


Hi Chase!!!
I'm from India and following you and this site and articles.!!!
I just have one Question for you,
How Many Indian girls have you dated?
And It is not difficult to date or make gf in india but
it is not possible to make as many GFs as you made there...
If you come India for a month can you tell me howmany women will you get on Date/Bed in month?
I wish one day you will come here and share your experience with us.

Thanks!!!!
P.S.---
You can take second Question as challenge ...

Xander's picture

attainability


Hi Chase!
I have been always wondered why girls really don't care about me. I have enough qualities including good-look, education,... and most important solid level of game. Than I discovered problems with attainability.
I will work to correct my attainability. I have always been warm person but sometimes I think that value is more disadvantage because girls in social circle became jealous no matter what. I still have a big problems with escalation. They all seem somewhat attracted but they want nothing to do with me. Some of them just want my attention and emotional validation. Are there more good tech like hard push that will increase chances for date? Can you put more articles about good escalation?
Another problem in South Europe is that a lot of girls search for providers and 100% ideal first boyfriend and than husband material. No matter how good looking and sexy man here is girls won't go on date or hook up if they aren't related on him 100%. Believe me when I tell that here isn't easy to take girls on date. Can you give me some advice how to proceed with this kind of girls? Should I be more persistent? Hope you will find some free time to answer me.
Best wishes,
Xander

David Riley's picture

Article Links


Hey Xander,

Check out these article links, and I'll let Chase and the other authors know about your request.

Don't Let Her Go
Addressing Objections
Escalation Windows

Just Dave

Dwayne Stanelli's picture

Tough Call Here but...


Nice article Chase but not entirely on track in my opinion and experiences. People tend to attach to others that are most like them culturally, racially, etc.. Go to most high school cafeterias and notice blacks with blacks, whites seated with whites, and Indians with Indians for the most part. Of course there are negligible exceptions but most people are primed through social media, social pressures and the desire not to be outcast by their group /family to stick with those similar to them. This is especially true of (white) women or women in general who don't want to be labelled as whores by going outside the social expectation. Yes, we are programmed on who to date, mate and marry. Occasionally, we may fuck an outsider behind closed doors to rebel, but for the most part American Society silently encourages us to stick with our own kind or risk consequences. As a bi-racial guy, this sort a sucks because not fitting easily into narrow social boxes creates difficulties and no one wants to work too hard in a society groomed in immediate gratification.

David Riley's picture

Loving Yourself


Hey Dwayne,

The thing holding most minorities back is they have a mental barrier. They need to love themselves before others can love them. It can days months to years to fully learn how to love yourself. When you finally reach that point in your life, you achieve a very special peace. Now some people live a closed minded lifestyle they end up losing out on many opportunities. That's their loss not yours. If someone doesn't like you, there's someone around the corner who does. The thing about life is you can't let others define you, you have to do that for yourself. People tend to hang around people who relate to them. Most people are too afraid to make it on their own, so they cling to people. A lot of this deals with the fact that humans are very social creatures. The problem is most people refuse to branch out because they don't want to think for themselves.

Loving Yourself
Unconventional Life

Just Dave

Anonymous's picture

hairstyles omg


Do an article of hairstyles Chase. We've been waiting for it since the Ice Age.

David Riley's picture

On The Way!


Hey Anon,

Stay tuned, I let Chase and the other authors know about this request.

Just Dave

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