Women are subtle in how they show interest. Well, by male standards, anyway. Even when women think they are blatantly obvious, they’re quite often being very subtle by male standards.
Learning to tell how girls show interest is a very valuable skill for a man, because it will allow him to operate with greater assurance he’s making the right move at the right time, and will also allow him to pick up the pace when a woman signals she is ready.
The last couple of girls I slept with surprised me a little at how quickly they were ready to get together. They gave me some hints that probably would’ve seemed fairly subtle; a friend of mine remarked that one of the girls I took home and bedded rather quickly quite recently hadn’t even seemed to be terribly interested in me, and that it just looked like we were having a good conversation. Being able to read the signals they gave me was the main reason I moved as quickly with them as I did.
Mixed Messages, Unmixed
Probably one of the more confusing things for men about how women show interest is when women appear to be sending “mixed messages” – when they do something that makes it seem they’re interested, then do something that makes it seem like they’re being challenging or aloof. It’s important to understand why this happens.
Remember that for women, saving face is extremely important, no matter where in the world you are. A woman’s social reputation is tied to her desirability to men and her choosiness; there is little more damaging to a woman’s reputation than for her to be seen throwing herself at a man who won’t take her. Because of this, women’s efforts to show men they’re interested are often couched within efforts to seem aloof or disinterested.
For instance, a girl may tell a guy, “Wow, we’re so similar,” then proceed to act distracted or look away. The guy may scratch his head, wondering if that means she likes him or not.
This is probably the most common way you will see women expressing interest in you; they’ll give you a hint, then stuff it under sarcasm or aloofness.
There is a secret to understanding these scrambled messages women send though – it’s like a secret decoder ring for woman-speak. Here it is:
If a woman implies she is interested in you, you should accept the statement as a sign of interest and ignore sarcasm, aloofness, or feigned distraction as simply her efforts to protect her reputation in the event you do not feel the same or do not take action to lead her to a satisfactory conclusion.
In other words, it’s her insurance policy. By not throwing all her chips in by being completely overt about her interest, she allows herself some wiggle room to later say, “Oh, I wasn’t really interested in him, I was just kidding,” if things don’t work out.
Which means, of course, that your ears should perk up the instant you hear something that implies a girl is interested in you – then, pick up the pace and start moving things forward as quickly as possible (but, needless to say, wait a moment before springing to action – you must always have your actions seem your own, as opposed to being reactions to something the girl has done. Even a small pause of three or four seconds can sometimes be enough – just give yourself a little time and be very casual, nonchalant, and natural about things).
Capitalizing on Girls Showing You Interest
The primary reason why I have been having fast liaisons with women these days is because I am getting these little subtle signs of interest and I am capitalizing on them quickly. I’m not just moving things forward with any girl (well, usually, anyway… I had a night in Manila where I was grabbing pretty much every girl in the venue to go sit with me in one spot or another, but then, I wasn’t entirely sober that night); I’m pinging different girls whom I like the looks of, and moving things forward with the ones who respond warmly.
The girl I slept with quickly on our first date the other day, I hadn’t been expecting to do that with. I thought we were going to go and grab some food at a restaurant. But she got a weird look on her face when she saw me as I reached her car, and when we got in she asked me if I wanted to go to my place or drive around. It was kind of a strange question for her to ask, just because girls don’t usually ask that kind of thing, so I said my place, and we went upstairs, and she got into a position on my sofa with her body facing very directly and very openly toward me, so I read that as her being desirous of fast intimacy with me, and I took her quickly to bed.
You must get in the habit of responding this way to interest women show you; often they will show it to you only once, maybe twice, and never again. You don’t get second chances with lustful women. They can quickly be hurt or upset that you did not want them when they offered themselves to you, and will close themselves up to protect their feelings, pride, and reputation.
I had a girl in Seoul, South Korea back in July that I lost from not capitalizing on the interest she showed me. She was such a great girl to me – she took me to her favorite restaurant in town, treated me to dinner, walked with me to a tea place, paid for the tea as well, and even offered to drive me back to the apartment I was staying at. She asked me if my friend would be home at his apartment (he wasn’t) – something that’d be brutally blatant for a girl to say in any culture, but especially one that can be as reserved as South Korea’s (if you’re wondering why, there’s really only one reason a girl would start wondering whether anyone else would be in your apartment or if you’d be alone there). I gave her only a half-assed effort to get her upstairs with me when we arrived at the apartment though, and needless to say she didn’t come.
I felt awful by the time I’d arrived upstairs – this girl who by her own account hadn’t had a lover since she broke up with her boyfriend nearly a year ago, this beautiful girl, who’d been so excited about seeing me and had told all her officemates about me, had made it as clear as she could have that she wanted to accompany me upstairs and have me as her lover that night, and I let her down. I let her down after she’d bought me dinner at her favorite restaurant and bought me tea at a very nice little tea place and shown me around town and driven me home so I didn’t have to pay a taxi or ride the subway. She of course flaked on the date we’d had set up for the next weekend, and didn’t return any of my phone calls or text messages, not replying to me at all until I sent her an email after I’d left Korea.
The girl I slept with this past Sunday also asked me if I had a roommate as we drove back to my apartment, and even confirmed. “No friend in your apartment?” she double-checked prior to us going upstairs. I made sure I didn’t let her down.
I’ve taken these two rules for myself, and I recommend you take them for yourself as well. They’ve been serving me quite well since I adopted them:
- Shift gears and throw your seduction into overdrive when a girl gives you a nudge implying she likes you a lot or is thinking about intimacy. If a girl feels she has to help you out and drop hints, that’s basically her way of saying, “Okay, enough chit-chat, let’s get down to business.” She’s ready, she’s made her decision, and she needs you to step things up and make it happen.
- Persist harder and more confidently when you’ve gotten signals. I might let something go if a girl hasn’t signaled to me she’s interested (or I might not; depends on my mood, my sex drive at the moment, and how much I like the girl), but if she’s signaled to me she’s interested, I will not let things slip through anymore like I did with that girl in Korea (and quite a few others littered throughout my past… poor lonely disappointed women. Apologies to all the girls who counted on me for a wonderful night and I let them down by being oblivious to their signals). I will persist in asking her to accompany me until she’s said no eight or ten or twelve times – which, when it comes to girls who’ve signaled to you they want things to progress, almost never happens. You usually won’t get to eight times – they say yes at two or three.
A few examples of things a girl might do that should serve as a strong signal to you she’s interested:
- She says you’d make a great couple, you look good together, anything like that
- She says you’re handsome or sexy
- She asks you where you live, especially if it comes at an unusual time in the conversation or out of the middle of nowhere
- She asks if you live alone or with friends or roommates, and especially if she asks if they are home right now
- She focuses more of her attention on you, especially if you’ve been quiet or other people are competing for her attention, but she’s still devoting a lot of attention to you
- She does something physically suggestive, like taking your arm and putting it around her or taking your hand and putting it on her, or putting her hand or legs on you
- She buys you food or buys you a drink
And, a few examples of things a girl might do immediately following one of these signals that you ought to just ignore outright:
- Turn and start talking to her friends
- Crack a joke or make a lame cover up (e.g., “You’re so handsome. Ah, I think I just say that to every guy I meet!”)
- Act distracted or aloof; start looking around, break eye contact, etc.
- Get quiet
- Get uncomfortable (e.g., “Well, I should probably go” – most likely if she was hoping you were going to do something, then felt jilted that you didn’t – when this happens, stop her and save her night!)
If a girl shows interest in you, then does something like one of the above, ignore it and proceed with her anyway. For instance, she says, “You’re so handsome. Or maybe I’m just drunk.”
You say, “Nah, I’d be handsome even if you were sober. Come on, let’s go grab a seat.”
The more I pay attention, the more surprised I am at how many apparently blatant signals women throw at men that they’re interested and want to move things forward. Like, women signal this stuff a lot.
I just spent a minute scanning back over every girl I can remember enough details about the conversation prior to us getting together, and, hmm… maybe 70% of them gave me some kind of rather strong indication prior to us getting together that they wanted to? And those are the ones that kinda sorta registered, and I’m just now scanning back and realizing were rather obvious signals they wanted to get together. There might have been all kinds of other ones that didn’t register at all, from both those girls and other ones I didn’t register any from that I’m counting in the 30% negatives.
Really wasn’t even fully cognizant of this stuff until maybe early summer this year, and I wasn’t capitalizing on it consistently until maybe even a couple of months ago; I was sensing it but only capitalizing on it inconsistently prior, and before early summer I was just kind of bludgeoning my way around, relying on a rough sense of timing based on past experience of how fast pulls went. Of course, how fast your pulls went a year ago is not going to be close to how fast your pulls go right now if you’ve been making steady progress.
I’m only starting to realize how fast I can pull now that I’m recognizing these signals from girls. I’ve been surprised fairly often lately; I’ll be sitting there, thinking, “Okay, now I’ll get the girl to tell me some stuff about her past, and then…” and suddenly she will say something that amounts to, “Are you going to take me home already?” and I’m caught thinking to myself, “Wait, what? Did I hear this correctly? No, she can’t possibly… well, I’m going to be mad at myself if I don’t try. All right, here goes.”
And then we get together and I’m pleasantly surprised at how quickly it all went down.
Jesus, why did it take me so long to see these? So many disappointed women I left in the past… I feel like going and sitting in the corner with my dunce cap on. Seriously, start paying attention to what women are telling you and how girls show interest; you may be surprised how fast they’re ready to do something with you.
And I'll talk to you again soon.