Eye Contact Flirting

Eye contact is one of those things that's a great deal of fun when you know what you're doing, but a real thorn in your side when you're still working on figuring it out. It's subcommunication at the very core level – talking in the absence of words. At once both more powerful than verbal conversation, and, until you've come to a better understanding of it, often distractingly unclear.

Eye contact flirting, in particular, can be a real head scratcher until you're pretty well versed in reading the various signals women are giving, and have figured out what signals you ought to be giving back. The eyes are used to communicate a wide range of feelings and messages, and what might seem trivial to an untrained guy may well be a crucial signal a more experienced man will jump all over.

My aim here was to write a very solid post that's going to cover all the bases with eye contact and get down to some real practical, point-by-point details so you'll be able to know with confidence exactly how to use your eyes with even the most beautiful, socially elite of women out there. The goal is to take the nuanced, difficult-to-pin down bits and pieces of eye contact flirting I've picked up over the years and get them down here so you can start applying them with the girls you meet today.

Eye Contact Basics

As we discussed in the post on elite eye contact, it's vastly, vastly preferable for you to get girls looking at you first. The reason why is a bit of a subtle one that might be a bit slippery to grasp if you're a beginner, though if you're intermediate you ought to be able to feel it with your intuition; you'll notice it just feels more right and correct and powerful when a woman looks at your eyes before you look at hers.

The subtle reason why this is is because when a woman looks at your eyes first, she's declaring her interest in you to herself and to you. If you look at her and then she looks at you, it might be simply that she's looking at you because she noticed someone looking in her direction. But if she's the one to initiate eye contact between the two of you, she's making it clear to bother herself and you that she's the initiator and thus, by default, is the more interested party. In other words, when girls look at you first, they are in the default pursuit position.

From the very outset of an interaction, the girl who looks into your eyes before you look into hers is chasing you, ever so slightly.

This small, tiny difference in gestures – her looking at you first, instead of you looking at her first – sets the tone for the entire beginning stages of your interaction and, if you do a good job of following and maintaining the Law of Least Effort thereafter, can even influence the entire pick up, seduction, and subsequent relationship.

This is that huge. When girls look at you first they just plainly and simply value you much more highly than they do the men who look at them first.

If you change this one detail about how you make eye contact – if you get good at ensuring women make eye contact with you before you make eye contact with them – you'll see a strong boost in the levels of attraction, investment, and warmth you get from them right off the bat and all the way up through having a relationship with them. It's very big. It's going to require you spending some time getting familiar with using your peripheral vision a fair amount, but it's very, very worth it.

No one talks about this either, and I'm not sure why. It's one of those tiny things you can do that makes a big difference, but the difference is a bit "hidden" and not as obvious, so the results perhaps are less measurable. I guess it isn't as marketable as new ways to neg.

Another eye contact basic that's going to make a big difference for you is in slowing down your eye and head movement. You'll have to really start paying attention to your head and eye movement speed, and work to consciously slow these down, but again, this is an investment in yourself that pays dividends in the base attraction you receive from women.

You should move your head slowly, and move your eyes slowly. As you raise your head up and move your eyes up to meet a woman's, she should know it's coming. She'll see your head raising and eyes raising slowly before they reach her eyes. This is fantastic for you, because it's going to often compel her to make eye contact with you first, before you ever lock eyes with her, and it's also going to take the edge off any eye contact you make, as a slow, calm movement to make eye contact with her is going to be far less alarming than the look that guys who "steal glances" at women are.

Note that you do not ever want to be stealing glances. If you're going to look at a woman, then make sure you look, and make sure she knows it. She'll see you looking regardless – women are extraordinarily adept at noticing what men are doing around them – so you might as well make it a confident, sexy look when you move your eyes to her.

Finally, when making eye contact, lock your eyes on the bridge of a girl's nose, between her eyes. Don't move your eyes back and forth from one of her eyes to the other; this is called "scanning" and it appears as though you're looking to see her reaction. When you instead keep your eyes glued to that space between her eyes, your eye contact comes across far more confidently and calmly.

So, our eye contact basics are:

  • Get girls to look at your eyes first.
  • Get good at using your peripheral vision to know when girls are looking.
  • Move your head and eyes slowly.
  • Don't steal glances – if you look at a woman, really drink her in.
  • Focus your eyes on the bridge of a girl's nose, in between her eyes. Don't scan.

Unless you have all of these down already, this is where you ought to start with your eye contact. These form the foundation of all the eye contact you'll be using with girls, so get them handled and the rest will be a breeze.

Eye Contact Nuances

The next step in eye contact flirting mastery is getting down the nuts and bolts of eye contact. That is, getting the pieces in place to where you really understand, down to the level of natural, instinctive action, exactly how to respond to eye contact from women.

The first nuance we'll explore here is eye positioning. Namely, as noted in "Eyes That Draw," you want to be looking at women out the corner of your eyes. The more you can do this, the better. It's of especial importance in your initial eye contact; this sets the tone of a very sexual, very charming, very charismatic connection between the two of you.

Eye contact straight on is considered neutral. To make your eye contact charming and sexy and charismatic, look from the corner of your eyes, or at least partially so. You may have to turn your head slightly away from a girl in order to look at her this way.

Once she's seen you looking at her out of the corner of your eyes, you can move your head so that you're looking at her closer to dead-on. You might still want to keep your head slightly tilted and slightly pointed away from her so your eyes will continue to be at least slightly off-center from the rest of your head as you make eye contact with her.

It's good practice to reposition your head somewhat while talking with women, keeping your eyes fixed firmly on hers as you do so. So, you might have your head slightly tilted to the right and pulled back a bit, looking at a girl from the bottom left corner of your eyes, then move your head after a time so that you're looking at her straight on, with your chin pointed up, your eyes looking at her from the bottom but mostly dead-center. Then you'll tilt your head to the left after a while and look at her from the mid-corner of the right side of your eyes. Moving your head around every so often like this allows you to continue looking at girls sexy in a natural way.

The second nuance we're going to focus on is time spent maintaining eye contact. This one drives a lot of guys crazy. I know it certainly drove me crazy for a long time. How long is too long for maintaining eye contact? Too short? When should you look away, and when should you hold? I'm going to do my very best here to break this down into specific, exact numbers so you can start refining your eye contact to the level of a guy who's been in the field actively approaching women for six years without having to actually go and spend six years doing that to get there.

Here are the numbers:

Eye Contact Prior to Opening

  • Glancing at her eyes before she's made eye contact with you. Again, this is something you want to avoid, as it's better if she makes first eye contact, but sometimes it happens, and you need to know how long to hold eye contact for. The rule of thumb here is, you should be the first to break eye contact. If she locks eyes with you and you're already looking at her, she doesn't know your intentions. By looking away first, you communicate that you are not a threat, which puts her at ease with you. You're then able to return your eyes to hers.

    Not breaking eye contact first when you were the initiator positions you as too strong and too threatening; it sets off alarms in women's heads. Breaking eye contact disarms those alarms. You should break eye contact about 1.5 seconds after initiating, regardless of when she looks at you, or even whether she does or not.
  • Glancing at her eyes when you made eye contact first, and broke eye contact first. After you've broken eye contact and established that you are not a threat, you'll now want to restore eye contact with her again. After waiting about 2 to 2.5 seconds, return your eyes to hers. As soon as your eyes reunite with hers, smile warmly and seductively at her using a slow-spreading, closed-mouth smile.

    If you are close to her at this point, you should open her while maintaining eye contact. If you are not close, break eye contact again after letting your eyes drift down slightly (to about where her mouth is) around the 4 second mark, then let your eyes drift off to the side after letting them linger slightly below her eyes for a moment. Don't resume eye contact again until you're ready to go open her.
  • Glancing at her eyes when she's initiated eye contact with you. When you've picked up that a girl is looking at you, you'll want to wait for about 1.5 to 2 seconds after she's made eye contact before initiating. You don't want to spring too fast into looking at her because it can seem as though you were monitoring her and waiting for her to look at you if you do, and that tends to unnerve people a little bit – no one likes to feel like they were being watched without them realizing it.

    When she's the first to initiate eye contact, your eye contact with her will proceed the same as if you had reinitiated after breaking eye contact as the initiator. In other words, smile warmly, open if you can open, and let eye contact drift away if you can't, only resuming prior to opening her.

When you've already made eye contact prior to opening a girl, you should skip pre-opening her. While it's essential in opening if you haven't yet made eye contact, pre-opening becomes an unnecessary, awkward extra step once you've already locked eyes. So, it may be helpful to view eye contact flirting and pre-opening as mutually exclusive; do one, or do the other, but don't do both.

Eye Contact While in Conversation

  • While you're talking with one person. While talking with another person, your eye contact should be focused on her about 70 to 80% of the time, glancing off to the side the rest of the time as you speak. You should especially break eye contact while making witty remarks or saying something about yourself that could potentially be perceived as impressive or showboating. By breaking eye contact, you greatly reduce the risk that your statement is seen as reaction-seeking.
  • While you're listening to one person. As the listener, you should be looking into the speaker's eyes more than she's looking into yours. A good general rule of thumb is to look into her eyes 90 to 95% of the time she's speaking. Only look away when she's looking away, but don't always look away when she's looking away. If a girl spends a lot of time looking away, you'll have to adjust your eye contact accordingly; she's likely looking away because she's uncomfortable with eye contact, so you overusing eye contact may be intimidating to her. Look away about 25% of the time the speaker looks away if you find her looking away a lot.
  • While you're speaking with more than one person. You'll want to devote the same amount of time (70 to 80%) making eye contact with your listeners, but the division is tricky. Don't dart your eyes rapidly from listener to listener; instead, move them slowly, taking time to speak to one person, then another. The person who asked you the question or made the statement that led into you speaking should get the lion's share of your eye contact. The reason you're speaking is in response to her, so she should get 60 to 75% of your total eye contact made while speaking.
  • While you're listening to more than one person. This one's sort of a trick question, but the answer is simple: you should only ever be listening to one person. People who are splitting their time trying to talk to two or more people – except in emergency situations – tend to seem distracted and not in control of their own conversations. Instead, focus on the person whose conversation is most important to you – typically, whoever was talking to you first – and make the other speakers wait for their turn to talk.


Those are the hard numbers and exact descriptions of how to use strong, sexy, compelling eye contact flirting. Your delivery and execution is going to advance as you do this more, but you can refer to this article to troubleshoot your eye contact any time you have uncertainty about it or encounter a slightly novel situation. The rules for contact length and distribution are pretty much universal to every person and every circumstance you'll find yourself in.

All you've got to do is go apply these rules, then watch women gaze back at you with the most wonderful looks in their eyes. "The eyes have it," the old saying used to go. Old sayings often know what they're talking about, and so does this one; if you want a strong way of communicating with women, and a great way of easily, naturally showing them what a confident, savvy, sexy man you are, your eyes and her eyes are the way to do it.

Chase Amante

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his Mastery Package.


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Anonymous's picture

Great article...i just stumbled across the site. One question about the smile, i noticed on your blog on smiles you talk about the difference between a warm smile and sexy smile, i.e. using more of the left and right side of the smile. When approaching the girl after the eye contact, you said approach with a warm smile...i would have thought you want more of the cheeky sexy smile or am i wrong?

Ramon's picture

Cheeky smile does not work always.
Warm smile does.
Thats the difference.

MichaelDB's picture

Hi, Always interesting to see how another person (Male) views using eye contact. But, what works for each of us, works because 'we' personally think it does! It's not necessarily going to be as successful for another person. I personally wouldn't go into it with all these specified fractions of time etc. The joy of it all is the variety and I love to be surprised. Women are individuals as we are and there is surely not 'one size fits all' when it comes to this game. But still, good, in depth, comment!

Snigdhendu Das's picture

Sir/mam, I have read your article and it is very interesting. But the thing is that you have asked not to give eye contact first. But my question is that how can I draw her attention and eyes first that she will glance at me?
Please suggest.
Waiting for your reply.....

Anonymous's picture

I'll suggest move into her line of sight & don't look directly at her, use your peripheral vision so you see her looking at you first. Maybe turn your body from left to right to see if that movement attracts a glance. If she's already seen you & is not interested she probably won't look again, ever. Of course she may be busy in conversation. If all else fails try pulling your junk outa ya pants. That should get multiple & varied reactions from many women. Chase does say use minimal effort to sort out the goers. :-)

Anonymous's picture

Hi Chase, I'm in kinda an odd situation and gotta question on eye contact. All your articles on eye contact have helped me immeasurably in things like street pick up or when I'm on holiday or meeting friends in other parts of the country. However, in school I'm kinda seen as an introvert, and so don't have much social value. The girls do find me attractive (hence why I do we'll outside of my school) but at the same time see me as a social burden. At parties I'll see them either stare at me, when theyre a little further away from me, then when I am about to look back look away really fast or will be staring at me whilst walking in my direction (perhaps to get a drink from the bar) and when I engage them they continue the conversation whilst looking away. How do I cure these two situations? It's really getting to me! I was thinking about employing some kind of chase frame there, as I was being stared at, ibut am quite unsure. Its difficult to know the amount of eye contact and attention to give in such situations.
Thanks Chase, really appreciate this resource!

Anonymous's picture

Hey your articles are amazing I need advice on this tricky siuation so can you show ne articles and give me personal advice on this. So I have this infatuation on this actress and I want to start a long term relationship so i'm the director and writer who does other technicals and some acting. She's not incredibly known so she's not like famous actors today who are effected by fame. I'm american and she's british where probally the same height so 5'4 about can you help please

Brandy's picture

I'm a female and I disagree. I think it's best to look at her first, it shows your interested and gives off a sense of confidence. Also I believe looking directly at her instead of looking from the side would work better. It shows, once again, that your confident and really into her. Looking from the side would give off the sense that your shy and submissive which isn't attractive when your looking for a guy.

Lighthouse's picture

Well, I did the 'have her look at me first' trick + looking at her from the side a couple of times. This was before reading this article actually. I did it naturally. It was 100% effective.

The second time it was two girls walking together. They both looked at me first, then I looked at them in a very confident way from the side. I could tell they were both instantly melting.
Oh and I'm not that good looking.

So I will keep on doing this.

You have to remember there are different ways of looking from the side. There's the shy look as you point out but there's also the confident and sexy look with closed mouth.
When using the latter is does work.

RMcGee100's picture

Hey Chase,

First off, I've been reading you're articles for quite some time and have to say; they've benefited me more than just about anything I can put a finger on, both practicaly and as a mindset readjustment. I was happy to pay the subscription fee and hope you're doing well by it.

With that said, I have a question regarding eye contact that's had me guessing and confused for quite a while.

To start, some background info; after reading and applying your matterial for quite a while, I decided to try it out at my workplace. Specifically, there was a girl that I knew liked me and I (admitidaly) made an ass of myself by chasing her after a few screw ups. I've long since gotten over her and moved on but, in the mean time, we've hired quite a few new girls; a few of which I'm intereted in. With that said, my workplace is very gossipy and I have no doubt that (at least most) of these girls know that I was chasing.

I've trained my peripheral vision quite a bit over the last year and can see that about half of my female coworkers are stealing glances when they think I'm not looking, including the one I chased. I've been very aware of it for a few months and can't figure it out; four seem open to my advances, while the rest seem rather neutral. If this helps, I tried being reactive to one of the "receptive" girls and engaged her a minute after I observed this and she seemed to recoil and put her walls up immediately.

I am wondering if I'm not being taken seriously anymore or if these are subtle signs of interest that I should be acting on. I'm in a higher-up position and don't want to make a fool of myself (again) if these signs say something obvious. I appriciate any advice you have for me in advance, thanks.

A-F-F EGYPT's picture

Thanks, do much for the advices :)

BUT, After the eye contact and the smiles how can I start the conversation?!

Specially if both of us are driving our cars?!

John - 90405's picture


I live in Santa Monica, CA and I am really open to trying all of your advice all the time. But I'm curious to know how well this would work in Los Angeles. Most of the girls that I run into are either wearing sunglasses or always looking at their cell phones constantly and are never really looking up to make eye contact. What are your thoughts on this. I feel like I live in the wrong city because the majority of the girls I run into are so into themselves, their phones and I never really run into any of them that make any eye contact, smile or just say "Hi". Let me know what you think about going about this. Thanks.

Anonymous's picture

Hi there,
Recently I have a problem in talking to women as my eye are wondering all around. I am unable to maintain eye contact with them as my eye are looking at their neck etc....what can I do to focus on ther eyes or face?

Anonymous's picture

Hey Chase,

Anonymous reader here. Just read this entire article and its brilliant. At this point in time I would consider myself in the developmental stage of this technique yet ive used it effectively today. Truly the art is suggestive of being a constant OBSERVER of behavior and waiting for right opportunities while using the law of least effort. Just appear calm, in control and demand a girl to hang out (IF THERES CHEMISTRY) but in a calm, fun manner.

Anonymous's picture

Watch the French film "The Mother and the Whore" (four hour long, black and white, but an absolute masterpiece!) for a good example of the power of eye contact.

Jaosunag's picture

Dear Chase,

I found your site less than a year ago, and was instantly captivated by the variety of topics you and your team covers, as well as by tremendous depth and substance of your analyses. The truth is, I needed the help, and I am inmensely grateful to have received it.

Growing up in Latin America, I was no Casanova. I was terrified of rejection, and my fear only got worse when I started feeling pressured by my friends, who at the time were starting to get results with girls. I allowed my fear to paralize me and prevent me from improving. Somehow, and not due to any conscious effort, I stumbled into my first kiss at age 16, and into losing my virginity a year after.

I moved to the United States to attend college, and the more relaxed atmosphere helped me gain a bit of confidence. However, my lack of knowledge and experience led me to make every possible mistake with a girl I really liked. In spite of this, I got really lucky, and I ended up dating that girl for four years. As great as that experience was, the relationship was doomed by my ignorance of what women really wanted, and by my failed mental models. Needless to say she ended up breaking up with me.

I was completely devastated. I had lost my best friend and the woman I thought would be the mother of my children. But looking back, I believe that it was precisely what I needed. I needed to burn all of those wrong perceptions that made me who I was, in order to come back from the ashes and be able to soar, free of preconceptions, and become the best version of myself.

I started diligently immersing myself in the seduction literature, hanging out with friends who were successful with girls, and slowly pushing myself out of my comfort zone and experimenting in real life. After a long period of trial and error, of self-examination, and of refinement of my approach; I started getting some results. And I was hooked!

It has been a little over a year since I made the decision to take life by the reins, and to become who I wanted to be. I am not a Casanova...yet, but I am getting closer. I am consistently improving, and the results have been coming along. I now have two friends with benefits who I regularly see, and I have bedded three new girls in the past month.

I have shared great experiences with these women, two of them actually telling me that I have been their best. I have great casual relationships based on strong sexual attraction, but also filled with respect. I used to view casual sex as something that was purely about myself, and unconsciously treated it as an opportunity to get off using a woman's body. I have changed for the better and have grown to understand how beautiful it is when two individuals excercise their freedom and decide to indulge in each other. The focus of my desire has evolved from being self-centered and purely physical, to being experiential and centered on building a connection. Sex is now hot and steamy, and I like it a lot better!! (and so do my partners)

My confidence has improved significantly, and I am a much happier person; which has helped me improve my work life as well. I wanted to take this opportunity to express my gratitude towards you and your team. You are changing lives for the better, and the people who hate on your trade are either immersed in ignorance, or downright idiots.

I still have much room for improvement, and one of the problems I have been encountering a girl's lack of eye contact. Although not exclusively, I like shy girls; and I have had instances where girls face away for most of the time while they are talking. I tend to focus the conversation on them, so this means that they don't look at me much throughout the interaction. I do not think it is necessarily due to a lack of intrest, since I have brought some of those girls home. Perhaps this is due to shyness on their part, I have noticed that as the conversation progresses and they warm up more, they start holding better eye contact which allows me to use nonverbals and flirt with them more effectively. I think it would be great if you could direct me to a post on shy girls, and on how to help them warm up faster so attraction can ramp up, and seduction can escalate more smoothly.

Thanks for spreading your knowledge.

- J

Girl Down Under's picture

Chase, I'm visualizing you using your eyes the way you describe in your article and I'm wet.

I feel like such a giggly school girl when I read your articles.

You're hot (unfortunately you know it)

prime gambit's picture

There's this girl in the office that I chased very hard last year. And for about 10 months now, she has been shunning me publicly or make comments about something I'm doing in social events (friend's wedding, house blessing) without even a single eye contact to me. Last Friday, on the way outside the office, she and her closest female friend were walking while I trail a few steps behind them. The girl in question looked my way (just her head, her body still away because she's walking ) with a kind of neutral facial expression (not sure if its a smile) for about 10 seconds (or more) and then turned back to facing forward. I saw her lips saying something to her friend that the friend to turn to me (full body, while walking backward) and chatting me a few times which I responded non-verbally. She even said "goodbye" as if announcing to the other that I took a turn. Could you tell me if the girl I pursued a year ago was doing an approach invitation? Or is it a signal for me to back off so that I won't eavesdrop on them. Is it eye contact flirting? Thank you

Anonymous's picture

Hey....I have liked this girl,and I wanna start a conversation with her,but I cant figure out how.Also,my eyes can get cross-eyed when im directly looking at someone....PLZ HELP

Anonymous's picture

In eye contact basics. If you are confused on what order to do these in, think of each step as a prerequisite for the next. In other words, think in terms of "how do I do this" then glance at the next step, which will answer the last step. So each sequence of step precedes the last. Why do you want to learn eye contact basics? To gain attraction. Just like telling a story from end to beginning.

Anonymous's picture

Hi Chase,

Recently I was on a date with a girl, we were sitting across from each other at a table, and at one point we became engaged in a sort of staring contest. Our eyes were locked onto one another's and we weren't speaking. This created a lot of tension, but I wasn't sure how to break it in a positive way. I have the sense that I shouldn't try to wait for her to break first in this case, because I don't want to seem combative. But I also don't want to appear submissive from breaking eye contact. I ended up smiling slowly with my mouth closed and slowly turning my head to the side. I'm not sure if this was the right move. Would appreciate input, or alternate ways of ending the staring contest.

Thank you!

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