Playful/Nonverbal Openers for Meeting New Girls


playful nonverbal openerWe had a request recently to do a few more articles on approaching and opening. There’s not really too much more I can say on opening beyond what we’ve already got on here – if you’re in need of a refresher, articles on opening include the below:

... however, one we haven’t covered much in-depth yet is the playful/nonverbal opener.

What’s playful/nonverbal? It’s essentially using body language and touch to open women in a playful, teasing, flirty way – often one that eschews any form of verbal opening altogether.

When you just want to have fun, or you’re feeling lower energy, or especially playful, or you find yourself in a bar or nightclub where the music volume is cranked so high that speech is inaudible, playful/nonverbal can be the ideal way to run your opens.


Examples of Playful/Nonverbal Openers

My personal favorite playful/nonverbal opener is spotting a girl in some form of contemplative body positioning or facial expression, and adopting a slightly more dramatic or expressive version of what she’s doing. You then catch her attention by either making eye contact with her (if from a slight distance), or sidling up next to her and nudging her with your hip (pre-opening her), so that she turns and looks at you while you stare off into space while dramatically imitating her.

Then, once you have her eye contact, lock your eyes with hers, and throw on a slow-spreading smile. She will invariably crack a grin in response.

Other examples of playful/nonverbal openers:

  • Playfully bat at her with some object you’re holding

  • Toss something at her like an ice cube or a piece of paper (not for novices)

  • Point at something about her (clothing item, accessory), with a quizzical expression

  • Point at something silly in the environment and give her a “Isn’t THAT ridiculous?” facial expression

  • Motion her over to you with a wave or a come-hither head gesture

  • Use your fingers to push the corners of your mouth up into a smile, communicating to her that she ought to start smiling and having more fun

  • Point at her emphatically, then point at the seat next to you emphatically, all while staring at her with wide, expectant eyes (the communication is, “You! Sit!”). Nod your head dramatically and point even more emphatically if she initially declines

  • If you have food or drinks to share, get her attention, then wag your finger back and forth between her and the food while looking at her with quizzical and expectant eyes – communicating, “You want some of this?” If she indicates ‘no’, motion her over anyway

  • If you notice a woman who looks frustrated or bored in a crowded area, get her attention, then hold your hand out to her, palm facing up, at about eye level for her to take your hand. Once she does, start leading her somewhere else right away. She may start laughing and object; at this point, you can announce, “I’m rescuing you from boredom! Come with me, my lady!” and continue to lead

There are a few keys that all of these have in common:

  1. Emphatic. You must be a little over the top in your expressiveness. If you try to do this smooth or under-the-radar, it won’t work well, because she’s going to wonder if your serious, which makes the vibe somewhat off. You’re going for moderately silly with this kind of an opener... even if you won’t be silly after that once you’re into conversation.

  2. Playful. Building on that first, the aim here is to be playful – you want her to enjoy herself, crack a smile, maybe snicker a little bit, and start wondering to herself, “Who is this guy?!” In a world of serious daters, where every guy views getting in her pants as a life or death matter of being as impressive, dominant, entertaining, under-the-radar, or debonair as possible, coming in poking fun at her and yourself is refreshingly different from what she gets from men almost all the rest of the time.

  3. Demand attention/compliance. You won’t get very far with this one if you’re afraid of commanding women to give you their attention and to invest in you. The opener itself is built around demanding that a woman pay attention to you, and then that she do what you want her to do – whether that is smile or snicker, or give you some form of compliance – and if you go half-assed, it won’t get you far.

playful nonverbal openerplayful nonverbal opener

The good news is, the majority of women you run into will respond well to this one, even if they aren’t interested in you (though many of them will at least be intrigued).

Occasionally you will plant yourself dramatically next to some girl, and nudge her to get her attention, and be doing something playful and silly, and she’ll just look at you like a retarded monkey or she’ll pretend she didn’t even see you... at which point you just shrug and go talk to someone else.

Usually though, this one’s sufficiently fun and different that all but the most ladder-climbing women (who see more value in the chance to shoot you down and look choosy in front of their friends) will respond well.


But Doesn’t This Make You the Entertainer?

Your first question if you’ve been reading here a while may be, “How does this not make you the silly entertainer guy women enjoy for fun but don’t view sexually?”

You know... the guy who gets reactions instead of results?

The reason that this is different from standard “entertainer-style” game is that the playful/nonverbal opener immediately begins with making demands on the woman – it is higher energy / lower sprezzatura, yet it also kicks off with greater demands for return energy and investment on her part.

So, unlike what the average entertaining man does – which is to provide as much fun as he possibly can while demanding as little in return as he possibly can – the playful/nonverbal opener uses more expenditure on your part to achieve more expenditure on her part.

In other words, she’s either going to blow you out and you seem a little silly... or she’s going to bite, and probably end up investing more in your immediately after that opener than you did in her in opening.

While it may seem risky, this opener is often the easiest one to launch into in a way that you’re kicking off an interaction with a net positive investment level from women.


What to Do After You Open

After you open this way, it’s important to immediately shift into standard/casual conversation:

“So, how’s your night going?” if you’re somewhere at night, or, “Going anywhere / up to anything exciting?” if somewhere during the day is sufficient.

This immediate downshift in energy levels prevents you from getting stuck in entertaining-funny-guy land... you’ve already made an impression after that opener, and now it’s time to show her you’re a regular, albeit attractive, guy too.

If you need more details on where to take things after the opener, see this article to use as a template: “Conversation Example.”


When to Use Playful/Nonverbal

playful nonverbal openerThe absolute BEST occasions to use a playful/nonverbal opener are:

  • When a girl is acting bored in a situation that’s supposed to be fun (e.g., party, nightclub, social event, etc.)

  • When she’s obviously trying to attract attention to herself and get opened (see the article on approach invitations)

  • When she looks scattered, distracted, or confused (i.e., anywhere that a verbal opener would fly right past her and not be congruent with the situation)

  • When it’s somewhere reasonably quiet and private (e.g., a library, a bookstore, a small shop with low foot traffic, sitting next to each other on a bus, when she’s on the periphery of a group that’s pretty engaged but she’s bored and disengaged and you just want to talk to her and not the whole group, etc.)

  • Anywhere you’re trying to open in a way that’ll catch as little extra attention as possible, because you don’t want to call attention to yourself for whatever reason

There are also some times when NOT to use playful/nonverbal:

  • During any kind of high energy open, like a street stop during day game

  • When she’s very engaged with another person or group of people, and you need to command a great deal of her attention
  • Any time that she is higher energy than you are

This one’s a pretty versatile opener that’s useful in a lot of different circumstances – essentially, so long as neither you nor her are super high energy, you can normally pull this one off to great effect. If you’re bouncing off the walls or she is, or one or both of you is in a rush, it will not be congruent – so do keep that in mind.


Results with Playful/Nonverbal?

Playful/nonverbal is actually pretty good at drawing women in and getting you starting off your interactions on the right foot. It’s a bit more fun, a little bit silly, but usually will have a sexual undercurrent to it because you are commanding her in some way, which nicer / less imposing men tend not to do. So right away, you communicate that you are a dominant man.

You probably won’t lean on this one as your bread and butter – most men will find that the majority of their opening comes from direct or situationally relevant. However, as an entertaining niche opener when you’re in a playful mood, or for handling some sticky situations where your other verbal openers don’t seem nearly as appropriate, playful/nonverbal can be the perfect opener to launch into a new conversation with.

Ciao,
Chase Amante

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Comments

omg's picture

Chase, there is a video on


Chase, there is a video on You tube where a guy walks to random girls
asking them the following questions :

"Do you find me attractive? (Whatever the answer, he continues)
"Do you have a boyfriend?" (Here again, he does not care about the answer )
" This is kind of awkward but...why would you excuse not to kiss me right now?"
And he just kiss them.
Majority of the comments say its fake but what do you think?
And also isn't it a form of harassment?
Finally, can that actually WORK???? Cause it is pretty strange if a regular
guy kisses girls with only 3 questions.

You can get the video on You tube : How to get girls to kiss you. Vitalyzd Tv

Anonymous's picture

Already seen that video on this website.


I can't remember where I saw it but someone used the same video you're talking about in a post here a while back. The point being made was that it's all well and good kissing a girl but if you peak attraction with her too soon it's very difficult to maintain momentum. Girls don't often agree to leave with you if they are coming down off a high that you left them in too early.

Richard Weddel's picture

I Love These


Playful and Nonverbal openers are some of the most effective openers I've ever used. I'm a stone cold direct day-gamer, but I've used these in college game during class where you couldn't talk to the girl rows next to you with great success.

I recommend that everyone who doesn't already use these start experimenting ASAP.

-Richard

Momentanums's picture

Chase, any tips on keeping


Chase, any tips on keeping your sex life exciting in
a long term relationship or marriage??
One of the biggest problems is keeping it "hot" after the
woman get kids. Is that even possible?

David Riley's picture

Positions and Role-play


Hey Moment,

It's actually very possible try different positions and do it different places around the house. You can also ask the woman what some of her fantasies are. If she wants to be pinned up against walls, do it. If she wants to be handcuffed, go for it. She wants you to be a sexy police man, go for it. What I mean is, you have to get very creative in spicing up your sex life in the long run. Sex is an adventure and you don't want to run out of gas too soon.

Just Dave

Momentanums's picture

Chase, how should I react


Chase, how should I react if
I nonverbally open a girl and she looks at me like I'm the most
disgusting piece of shit she's ever seen?

David Riley's picture

Play it off


Hey Moment,

You could play it off, and say "You look like you've just seem a ghost." with a sexy smile. Don't worry about her reaction, just roll with it. Sometimes, you could give her a confused a puzzled look too. You don't want to get thrown off. The big here is to not let a girl ruin your vibe.

Take care,

Just Dave

hortman's picture

Chase , how to be a type of


Chase ,
how to be a type of guy like
Damon Salvatore in vampire diaries (go Google it if you're not aware of what I'm
talking about).
There's just something about this guy and ALL girls I know, irrespective of
their tastes in guys , find him irresistible. That's really something cause
never a guy in the media won hearts like Damon did (not even James Bond, though
I'm not sure...).

African boyo's picture

Thats cause hes got his


Thats cause hes got his fundamentals on lock and he has amazing natural good looks(no homo). He knows his worth to women and acts arrogantly which is irresistable to woman which creates an endless loop of attraction it also helps that hes humorous in a sexual way. Basically hes the ultimate bad boy who every girl wants to tame. Thats just my take though.

African boyo's picture

Hi chase Ive noticed you dont


Hi chase

Ive noticed you dont have any articles on harem building why is that so? Shouldnt the ultimate goal of pick up be doing this? Spreading ones genes everywhere? I mean it seems absurd that im working hard and grinding and putting in all this work just to end up in a monogomoud relationship. It similar to dedicating years of studying and gaining experience as a chef the world over for you just to eventually working as a lowly kitchen cook at mcdonalds. I would think having a harem would be the ultimate goal for anyyoung man or have i been watching too many girls of the playboy mansion reruns? :-/

David Riley's picture

Link


Hey Boyo,

Here's a link to an article addressing that.

http://www.girlschase.com/content/how-date-multiple-women-zero-drama

Take care,

Just Dave

Anonymous's picture

Social


Chase, been reading your articles for a while including the new one about being a guilty pleasure, and I have some questions about how the seducer behaves when he is not trying to seduce a girl.

Particularly when he's socialising/communicating with the other 95% of society.

Do you try to be as pleasant as you can and try to avoid saying anything controversial in hope that people will like you more.

Or do you just not give a fuck about how you come across and just say what's on your mind even if it's controversial or somewhat socially unacceptable. Do you like laugh it of when you say something crazy and the other person gives you a funny look, or do you try to be as agreeable as possible?

I guess what I am asking is how much emphasis do you place on trying to be normal and get other people to like you/see you as an agreeable person.

Thing is I hate walking on egg shells in groups or even when I'm talking with a stranger one on one, I like saying things that I probably shouldn't in the moment - and this probably results in some people avoiding me, as even though I am only saying what they are thinking I am not being socially acceptable.

I mean things like a fat chick walking past for instance - I have nothing against fat chicks and she's probably a lovely person, but I know she's fat and I know she walks funny, so I usually crack some kind of joke.

Another example is when I'm in a group of people who I can tell avoid swearing and try to come across as all classy and good, and I just sit there thinking fuck this and don't worry if I swear or say something inelegant.

But should I? I am not bothered by people not liking me, but does this kind of behaviour have any negative effect on my ability a with women. Reading the latest article on guilty pleasures it makes me wonder if this kind of behaviour might actually be quite positive for seduction and having girls view you apart from the socially acceptable crowd.

How socially acceptable and agreeable should I be.

Thanks mr.amante

David Riley's picture

Links

Anonymous's picture

Chicly being testy


Another thing chase, how do you usually deal with chicks being testy?

I mean like when they purposely disagree with you about something or look to prove you wrong, you know? how do you deal with this and why do chicks do this sometimes? I usually take it as a sign of attraction and that I'm moving too slowly, and I usually don't bother responding too it, I just kind of look around as though she said something boring, is this right?

That's the thing, I feel like when a girl is just being a little bit challenging and trying to get one up over you in a stupid kind of silly girlish way I always find it best to ignore, but are there times when you want to challenge a girl directly?

I guess you challenge directly when she says something really harsh that needs to be addressed?

Another question, what is the deal on smiling? Usually I feel I look much more manly and sexy when I have a very very faint smile on, even less that a smirk. Whenever I smile with my lips pursed together with a noticeable smile towards one side of my face I always think I look a little too approachable and nice guyish.

Of course this means without that bigger smile I don't look as approachable or as comfortable for the girl, but more sexy... It seems to me that sexy doesn't nessacerily go hand in hand with approachable? So I guess it's all about finding that balance between being approachable but being sexy.

Troy's picture

Direct Verbally, Dis interested Body Landuage


Hi Chase -

This artice came at the right time. It was something i always used to good effect but a great reminder.There was a comment you made on here sometime last year about "Using direct body language and indirect speech" or "Using words of interest and body language of disinterest" at the same time. This is another bad boy and playful trait. I think you said it helps keeps up attainability at the right levels. A few examples i could come up with are:

Girl : Do you like me?

Guy : (looking away with a bored look) yea i like you.

Situation between two girlfriends and one guy:

Black girl: what colour girl do you like, black or white?

White girl: tell us boo!

Guy: ( folding his arms and turning slightly away from the girl ) I like girls of all races who have a nice personality with ambition

And a recent experience i had using this:

I was at school and three girls i talk to every now and again called out to me to come talk with them. two of the girls were seated and one standing. I was seated in front of them. the conversation went like this:

Amara: hey troy, my friend here, (talking about the girl standing) kera, she likes you. she always talks about you all day, every day!

Mona : do you like Kera? (right infront of Kera herself)

Me : (putting on a angry face, folded arms, looking away) yea! i like her.

Amara: what do you like about kera?

Me: (maintaining the same body language) i like her because she is beautiful, nice, friendly, intelligent. yea she's a good person always smiling and great to be around.

(awkward silence)

Amara: ok well thats all we wanted to say to you.

Me: yea well got to go now bye

And they say bye to me. I dont know if that went ok but my instincts tell me something was a bit "off" there. There was tension there and the awkward silence but something else went wrong i think. Could you tell me what went wrong here?

Of course ive practised using this before and it was hit and miss so maybe im doing something wrong.

Next thing, girls always ask me infront of their friends if i like their other friend who is right there in ear shot. How do i reply in this situation? what does it mean? does it mean the girl asking me is the one that actually likes me? How do i move forward with this situation? What should i say?

So how to use the " interested verbally, di-interested body language" technique vice versa without being too easy or putting girls in auto-rejection?

Anyway i just wanted to share an insight with you. I think you get the giss of what im saying. Im not sure if those examples are exactly how it should go but just wanted to give you a clearer idea of what im talking about. Could discuss this bad boy and playful technique i see generates a lot of attraction? It can be used like push pull, flirting and teasing with women while managing attainability levels. Thank You!

Cheers,

Troy

David Riley's picture

Leave some mystery


Hey Troy,

Whenever girls at me this question I have the the same response. "Why do you ask?" with a half smile on my face. This leads to a lot of because statements from the girls. If the girl who they asked me about in your case Kera was there, I would turn and ask her "Do you like me?" From there girl the girl may or may not blush. I just say, "You seem cool, but I barely know maybe we should hang out." From there it normally leads to a date.

One of my other responses is "Eh, she's cool." This throws girls off their rocker. I'm not saying I don't like her or that I do. I kind of give a bored answer and the girl goes crazy over it. The girls then reply "What does that mean." Then I reply I'll tell them later, and I just smile and walk away. You always want to leave girls with a sense of mystery. This is because very rarely when you do admit to liking a girl it goes anywhere. You rob them of the mystery. As a result they lose attraction. You also want to use playful and curious body language. They probably didn't understand your body language. As a result it didn't translate well.

Take care,

Just Dave

Anonymous's picture

Chase, I was riding with my


Chase, I was riding with my friend and then this car full of girls pulled up next to us, and they asked if "I want to ride around with them", should I have gone. and whenever a random girl invites you somewhere should you go with her, or is that bad?

David Riley's picture

Grain of Salt


Hey Anon,

Never take what a girl says too seriously. Sometimes girls just like to play around to get a reaction out of you. Sometimes you can attempt to play along. I do this on occasion and have gotten great results. I would be mindful though, it may not lead to anything at all though. You have to be optimistic but at the same time realistic when these circumstances happen.

Anonymous's picture

hi chase, how should i


hi chase, how should i approach a girl whom i've seen at the gym before and has made eye contact with me but i've never talked to? since i'm just starting out with pickup, would it be better to avoid her until i'm ready to successfully navigate her to bed? i do feel confident and believe that she would be attracted, but i'm also a little concerned that my confidence or sexiness would revert back and forth at times since it's not completely internalized yet. also the fact that i don't have very much experience at all makes me wonder if i'm not skilled enough yet. again, i feel confident (i can imagine everything going well) but i did read what you said about how understanding logistics and moving the process forward is more important than confidence. can my confident, care free attitude be enough to assuage any type of setbacks if i really just let go of all insecurities and trust myself, or do i still have to be experienced? she is very confident and smokin hot so i know i need to be at my best. also i saw another guy hitting on her so should i wait awhile to not seem like just another guy?

she also seems to stare me down (not sure if she does it with everyone or every guy) and i'm wondering if this is some sort of test (whether it be to test me personally, show interest, or test all guys to identify the dominant ones)

thank you.

Anonymous's picture

i just read the gym article


i just read the gym article and hope you can elaborate:

why is it better to ping and in essence "slow burn" a regular girl vs. being direct or not even direct but social right out of the gate? does not hitting on her make it seem like you're not interested or are scared?

on some days i feel very sexy and have this subtle smirk on me. this is when i am confident and ooze of sexuality. in order to be congruent with this vibe and to capitalize on it, wouldn't the right move to be to start hitting on the girl?

on other days, i am not feeling devilishly sexy, but otherwise indifferent and emotionless. during these times, it would seem more fitting to just be the social "pinger" guy. however, doesn't it set you back to present this side of yourself to her? some guy who doesn't make her feel anything? i feel it's strange both for me and for a girl to see both sides of me on different days. it kind of kills the attraction or makes you think i'm a let down, like oh i guess he's actually not that kind of sexy guy i thought he was. do you understand what i mean?

thank you so much. i find it funny to imagine a girl having these same types of thoughts and posting about them on an advice site...

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