We had a request recently to do a few more articles on approaching and opening. There’s not really too much more I can say on opening beyond what we’ve already got on here – if you’re in need of a refresher, articles on opening include the below:
... however, one we haven’t covered much in-depth yet is the playful/nonverbal opener.
What’s playful/nonverbal? It’s essentially using body language and touch to open women in a playful, teasing, flirty way – often one that eschews any form of verbal opening altogether.
When you just want to have fun, or you’re feeling lower energy, or especially playful, or you find yourself in a bar or nightclub where the music volume is cranked so high that speech is inaudible, playful/nonverbal can be the ideal way to run your opens.
Examples of Playful/Nonverbal Openers
My personal favorite playful/nonverbal opener is spotting a girl in some form of contemplative body positioning or facial expression, and adopting a slightly more dramatic or expressive version of what she’s doing. You then catch her attention by either making eye contact with her (if from a slight distance), or sidling up next to her and nudging her with your hip (pre-opening her), so that she turns and looks at you while you stare off into space while dramatically imitating her.
Then, once you have her eye contact, lock your eyes with hers, and throw on a slow-spreading smile. She will invariably crack a grin in response.
Other examples of playful/nonverbal openers:
Playfully bat at her with some object you’re holding
Toss something at her like an ice cube or a piece of paper (not for novices)
Point at something about her (clothing item, accessory), with a quizzical expression
Point at something silly in the environment and give her a “Isn’t THAT ridiculous?” facial expression
Motion her over to you with a wave or a come-hither head gesture
Use your fingers to push the corners of your mouth up into a smile, communicating to her that she ought to start smiling and having more fun
Point at her emphatically, then point at the seat next to you emphatically, all while staring at her with wide, expectant eyes (the communication is, “You! Sit!”). Nod your head dramatically and point even more emphatically if she initially declines
If you have food or drinks to share, get her attention, then wag your finger back and forth between her and the food while looking at her with quizzical and expectant eyes – communicating, “You want some of this?” If she indicates ‘no’, motion her over anyway
If you notice a woman who looks frustrated or bored in a crowded area, get her attention, then hold your hand out to her, palm facing up, at about eye level for her to take your hand. Once she does, start leading her somewhere else right away. She may start laughing and object; at this point, you can announce, “I’m rescuing you from boredom! Come with me, my lady!” and continue to lead
There are a few keys that all of these have in common:
Emphatic. You must be a little over the top in your expressiveness. If you try to do this smooth or under-the-radar, it won’t work well, because she’s going to wonder if your serious, which makes the vibe somewhat off. You’re going for moderately silly with this kind of an opener... even if you won’t be silly after that once you’re into conversation.
Playful. Building on that first, the aim here is to be playful – you want her to enjoy herself, crack a smile, maybe snicker a little bit, and start wondering to herself, “Who is this guy?!” In a world of serious daters, where every guy views getting in her pants as a life or death matter of being as impressive, dominant, entertaining, under-the-radar, or debonair as possible, coming in poking fun at her and yourself is refreshingly different from what she gets from men almost all the rest of the time.
Demand attention/compliance. You won’t get very far with this one if you’re afraid of commanding women to give you their attention and to invest in you. The opener itself is built around demanding that a woman pay attention to you, and then that she do what you want her to do – whether that is smile or snicker, or give you some form of compliance – and if you go half-assed, it won’t get you far.
The good news is, the majority of women you run into will respond well to this one, even if they aren’t interested in you (though many of them will at least be intrigued).
Occasionally you will plant yourself dramatically next to some girl,
and nudge her to get her attention, and be doing something playful and
silly, and she’ll just look at you like a retarded monkey or she’ll
pretend she didn’t even see you... at which point you just shrug and go
talk to someone else.
Usually though, this one’s sufficiently fun and different that all but the most ladder-climbing women (who see more value in the chance to shoot you down and look choosy in front of their friends) will respond well.
But Doesn’t This Make You the Entertainer?
Your first question if you’ve been reading here a while may be, “How does this not make you the silly entertainer guy women enjoy for fun but don’t view sexually?”
You know... the guy who gets reactions instead of results?
The reason that this is different from standard “entertainer-style” game is that the playful/nonverbal opener immediately begins with making demands on the woman – it is higher energy / lower sprezzatura, yet it also kicks off with greater demands for return energy and investment on her part.
So, unlike what the average entertaining man does – which is to provide as much fun as he possibly can while demanding as little in return as he possibly can – the playful/nonverbal opener uses more expenditure on your part to achieve more expenditure on her part.
In other words, she’s either going to blow you out and you seem a little silly... or she’s going to bite, and probably end up investing more in your immediately after that opener than you did in her in opening.
While it may seem risky, this opener is often the easiest one to launch into in a way that you’re kicking off an interaction with a net positive investment level from women.
What to Do After You Open
After you open this way, it’s important to immediately shift into standard/casual conversation:
“So, how’s your night going?” if you’re somewhere at night, or, “Going anywhere / up to anything exciting?” if somewhere during the day is sufficient.
This immediate downshift in energy levels prevents you from getting stuck in entertaining-funny-guy land... you’ve already made an impression after that opener, and now it’s time to show her you’re a regular, albeit attractive, guy too.
If you need more details on where to take things after the opener, see this article to use as a template: “Conversation Example.”
When to Use Playful/Nonverbal
The absolute BEST occasions to use a playful/nonverbal opener are:
When a girl is acting bored in a situation that’s supposed to be fun (e.g., party, nightclub, social event, etc.)
When she’s obviously trying to attract attention to herself and get opened (see the article on approach invitations)
When she looks scattered, distracted, or confused (i.e., anywhere that a verbal opener would fly right past her and not be congruent with the situation)
When it’s somewhere reasonably quiet and private (e.g., a library, a bookstore, a small shop with low foot traffic, sitting next to each other on a bus, when she’s on the periphery of a group that’s pretty engaged but she’s bored and disengaged and you just want to talk to her and not the whole group, etc.)
Anywhere you’re trying to open in a way that’ll catch as little extra attention as possible, because you don’t want to call attention to yourself for whatever reason
There are also some times when NOT to use playful/nonverbal:
During any kind of high energy open, like a street stop during day game
- When she’s very engaged with another person or group of people,
and you need to command a great deal of her attention
Any time that she is higher energy than you are
This one’s a pretty versatile opener that’s useful in a lot of different circumstances – essentially, so long as neither you nor her are super high energy, you can normally pull this one off to great effect. If you’re bouncing off the walls or she is, or one or both of you is in a rush, it will not be congruent – so do keep that in mind.
Results with Playful/Nonverbal?
Playful/nonverbal is actually pretty good at drawing women in and getting you starting off your interactions on the right foot. It’s a bit more fun, a little bit silly, but usually will have a sexual undercurrent to it because you are commanding her in some way, which nicer / less imposing men tend not to do. So right away, you communicate that you are a dominant man.
You probably won’t lean on this one as your bread and butter – most men will find that the majority of their opening comes from direct or situationally relevant. However, as an entertaining niche opener when you’re in a playful mood, or for handling some sticky situations where your other verbal openers don’t seem nearly as appropriate, playful/nonverbal can be the perfect opener to launch into a new conversation with.