How to Compliment a Girl Like You've Known Her for Years | Girls Chase

How to Compliment a Girl Like You've Known Her for Years

In the article on causes and cures for a moody girlfriend, a reader asks about how to compliment a girl, saying:

Hi there Chase,

Can you write an article about compliments to girls that [you] are interested in. Not just from that you approached cold but girls that you met through hobbies or friends. I tend to like to tell girls aggressive compliments of sexual nature. Like I would think they are good kissers, they have nice ass or legs, or that I love their bodies and also other compliments in which is related to personality type because there are 2 opinions about compliments.

how to compliment a girl

Compliments are a little tricky to get your head around when you first start using them. Go to far overboard, and you seem like you're chasing her; don't compliment at all, and you run the risk of that attractive new woman you've met ending up in auto-rejection.

Then, there are the various kinds of compliments... everything from the most subtle compliments she won't even realize were compliments until she thinks about them later, to those blunt-force-direct compliments our reader talks about, like telling a girl she's got a great pair of legs.

We'll cover all those and more in this article, your complete guide to complimenting women like only a pro knows how.

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his Mastery Package.

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Comments

Funman's picture

Hi Chase 2 questions regarding Sexual Compliments

You said 2 things
“You'll use these most when you're pursuing a style of direct, sexual game, and are the person in the lower value position in the interaction.”
“Sexual compliments are used for upping polarization - that is, driving some women away, while ramping up the excitement levels of others.”

1)If a guy paid a girl a sexual compliment such as “you are very sexy, and the girl walks away. Would you say the girl was not interested in him to begin with? Even if he had given her a “standard” or “US Vs the world compliment”, she would probably stay a little longer, thank him but still walk away?

2)Would you pay a sexual compliment to a woman during the day time, if you saw her at a park, mall etc?

3)Would you recommend majority of the guys to use sexual compliments because majority of us I assume are not “high-value/ wealthy” guys?

4)How soon would you recommend us to use a sexual compliment on a first date? Is it after you have done some deep diving or before that?

5)Some people would say a guy cannot be a challenge in a girl’s eyes when he is showing sexual interest. But being a challenge, isn’t it more about a guy’s actions rather than his verbal interest?
Actions such as not being available all the time, not texting her all the time or constantly posting comments on her facebook frequently. Be comfortable with walking away if a girl said something condescending or insulting?

6)Is there an article on this website which talks about specifically how to be in the “lover category” not the boyfriend category when picking up women? ( I am assuming the best way would be by paying a sexual compliment early on in the interaction?)

Prince's picture

I asked Chase a similar question about when woman walk away straight after a compliment as they are caught off guard and could in fact be interested in you. "Reverse AA" Hope Chase will answer my question.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Funman,

There’s a lot going into compliments beside the compliment itself – e.g., timing. A girl may eat up a comment about her being sexy at one moment, but walk away from you the next.

Daytime is subject to that as well. It’s a less sexual environment. Still possible, if you create the right mood for it, but you need to get that going on. Without darkness / alcohol already in effect, you need more build up.

On not being a boyfriend – see these articles:

Telling Women You're NOT Boyfriend Material

The Early Boyfriend: Why It's a Bad Idea

On most guys “not being high value” – remember, value is relative. What one woman considers low value, another woman may find high value, and it isn’t consistent. You may meet a very unattractive woman who dismisses you as low value, and then meet an incredibly beautiful, intelligent, enchanting woman who views you as high value. You need to gauge based on the individual woman you’ve met, and how she’s viewing you. Much of what I'm defining low/high value here I'm actually thinking of in terms of lover/provider value - you may be low value as a boyfriend (or out of her league as a boyfriend), but remain high value as a lover, and that's when sexual compliments will benefit you most.

Chase

Nish's picture

Hi Chase,

I dropped you an email few days back but didn't get any response so thought to write the matter here. I am an Indian who is in China now. I am a go getter as the situations in Asia and USA, Europe are totally different. Here in Asia, we have to give our best to survive. Anyways, as i told you that i am in china, and already doing good in seduction. However, the issue is that i live with room mate, also most of the girls either Chinese or foreigner i meet are also living with roommates. How to move them after the date to a hotel for a night. I did moved some girls with me few times but that is because i already felt that they are naturally get attracted towards me. But this is not always the same situation.Foreigner Girls compared to Chinese Girls needs less effort if i want them to go to a hotel with me. Usually i tell them that i like her than i ask them by looking deep in the eyes with a strong but emotional and deep voice "do you like me too". When they say yes, i ask them that i want to spend more time with them and mostly they also say they want the same too.That's how i am doing it till now, but seriously need a little more help and ways to move them to hotel with me.Also when getting in to the hotel how to make a girl pay for the room. I paid few times but i also made the girl paid by themselves without even asking me. I need tips on this matter urgently because whenever i fail to move a girl with me to a hotel i feel bad because i lost a chance with her. I don't like losing the chance being so near to it. Looking forward to hearing from you a.s.a.p. A post on this matter would be highly appreciated. Please excuse the typo and grammar as i am not a native English speaker.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Hi Nish,

There are a handful of Westernized Chinese, but most Chinese women are coming from a more conservative social background than most Western women. While Western women will sometimes logically assent to intimacy and be more upfront about their interest, Chinese women often must be seduced in the traditional sense of the word – you need to appeal to the girl’s emotions. Simply inviting her back for what’s clearly a roll in the hay – unless she’s of the “liberated” variety – can offend and annoy her. Western girls, who tend to be more experienced, know the deal, are up for it, and frequently don’t have these qualms.

If you must use a hotel, it’s probably better if you book it in advance, and simply invite her back for drinks. Depending on where you are, there are cheap hotels if you look around the city (usually better if you have a Chinese friend scout these out for you first and learn the prices; some hotels do not allow foreigners, and others do but try to ratchet the price up very high for foreigners). The cheapest won’t have a website or be listed online.

Getting girls to pay for a hotel – I don’t have experience here and don’t want to give you any poor advice. When I’ve used hotels, they’ve typically either been one I was already staying in, or I just paid for it to keep things moving smoothly toward the seduction without any road bumps. If you ask her to pay, you risk breaking the mood, and especially if she’s not logically committed to sex, as will be the case with any less experienced girls you’re pulling, there’s a good chance this is fatal to the seduction. If it’s necessary for financial reasons though, you could potentially just say, “Can you get this? I’m all out of Chinese money,” and see if she’ll pay for it. I’d suspect many girls simply will, and at that point they may actually be more committed. You might lose some at this point though, too.

Chase

Nish's picture

Hi Chase,

Thanks for the advice. I don't ask them to pay for hotel but they do it by themselves. Yes, you are correct, hotels here charge more from the foreigners. Yes, i managed to tackle the Chinese girls traditional values as being an Indian the same is the case with me. So i understand them. Yes, i also tell the same that lets have drink together so that we can spend more time together and can get to know each other. This thing work 90% of the time. I think the more time i will spend here the more i will learn. FYI, i am in Shenzhen, closer to HongKong. Thanks for advice man. You are doing a good job. If someday you come to shenzhen, do let me know. Thanks again. Really appreciate.

lucifer's picture

Man, come on, don't ask to reply asap, that's just... Asocial at best :)

Anonymous's picture

Great article.

But First of all, how do you even accurately perceive that a girl thinks she's higher in value than you? She could just have a defense mechanism around strange new men (i.e. testing you subconsciousy to see if your strong or witty enough to keep up with her). And If she does feel that superior, isn't it better to subtly burst her bubble and show her that her superiority complex is mistaken (e.g. Be a challenge and subtly refute her?) thus making her say to her self who is this guy?! I have a different opinion of him! I've tried this approach before a long time ago and it's worked for me, and then at that point she starts to look at me differently and then i respond by dialing up the sexiness and chase framing which has worked for me. ( at the time I didn't know that I was chase framing but after reading this site, I understand!!)

These days I usually don't get that superiority complex problem unless I say something boneheaded and she starts in on me with her feminist lawyer logic (vitriol), to which I don't even engage anymore and focus instead on a hard push getting physical and pulling her close and saying she's so sexy when she's heated up to which some melt and calm down which shows me her superiority tirade it was just a test anyway.

Another question is how to accurately tell if a woman perceives you as higher value? One thing I've found with some girls is that they obfuscate their enthusiasm and impressions of me to try and throw me off the trail. I only recognized this recently when a woman's friend told me that her friend is really really into me. I would have never known based on this lady's lack of compliments or outward interest toward me, coupled with heavy ball-busting and heavy challenging. I assumed attraction (why would a woman spend time with a man she isn't interested in) and proceeded accordingly and remained calm and instead of engaging her logically, i ignored and chase framed when she was ball-busting and displaying an air of superiority. She would blush! but I would never have known based on her behavior how much she was into me and wondering about me when I wasn't there. Almost like she was intentionally being a hardass...

Last question related to a man being percieved as higher value, why in your view are sexual compliments to such women (who feel they're lower in value) not effective? I mean what is triggered in their minds that would turn them off? I've tried sexual compliments on such women before (although not as direct or on-point as in your examples under sexual compliments) and found that such women responded almost like they were relieved that I found them remotely attractive and thus I had a noticeable spike in attraction.

I've had an epiphany recently and found that while compliments are effective and makes me come across as charismatic, I can still move forward without much complimenting. Doing so just ups the curiosity and intrigue, but I love to compliment women I like...sometimes it's very hard not complimenting but it's just something I've started playing around with to use implied (non-verbal) attraction which seems to create tension.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Anon-

You can gauge how she feels about your value relative to hers by how much she’s trying to impress you (e.g., a girl who feels superior won’t spend much time regaling you with her success and accomplishments, because she’ll see no need to), how responsive she is to your compliance requests/demands and screening/deep diving attempts (e.g., polite refusals / shallow answers are the hallmarks of disinterest / feeling superior), and body language (e.g., closed, disinterested body language or reservedness). Ball-busting and challenging is a sign of interest; girls who aren’t interested won’t waste the time. It’s the junior high approach to flirting, but some women still employ it even when they’re all grown up.

You can certainly turn girls acting superior around, yes, and you see it less and less as your fundamentals and conversation abilities improve. However, you won’t always have time to turn things around when you find girls acting superior, or you may not always want to. If, say, you want to pick up a beautiful girl who’s surrounded by well-dressed socialite friends, and you know you’re simply not going to be able to break in there and compete because you’re not dressed well enough or not feeling sharp enough or the event or party or club is closing soon, you can use sexual complimenting to see if you can pull out a win by taking another approach. Or, if it’s the end of the night and a girl’s about to go home and you don’t have the time or the opportunity to get her chasing after you, you can use sexual compliments to see if you can get her to decide to come home with you for intimacy instead.

What you’re seeing with the relieving effect of sexually complimenting women who believed you higher in value was a relaxing of the social tension as you brought your value down to below theirs. Instead of them feeling tense as they competed for you, suddenly the tension was moved off of them and onto you as you began competing for them. Your positions flip, and now you are the pursuer, and they the pursued.

The reason why this happens with sexual compliments is that this is a form of “showing all your cards.” You relinquish control and hand it over to the other person, trying to win their favor and excite them about you. This works with women who want sex, or are open to it with you, and it doesn’t work with women who don’t. You essentially leave off trying to win over a girl, and instead move onto more or less saying, “Here I am if you want me. Come and take me and I’ll give you some great sex,” in a more elegant, more convincing way than most men can.

And you’re also right on not needing to compliment much. Compliments are another spice you can add to an interaction, though if you’re doing a good job deep diving and chase framing they’re almost unnecessary… the attention she’s getting and emotions she’s experiencing from that deep diving and chase framing are compliment enough. Compliments are often strongest here when first opening and when needing a transition to move things forward (i.e., if there’s a chance she’ll wonder, “Why does he want to spend time with ME?,” compliment her first).

Chase

Anonymous's picture

See I'm learning. About value and perceived value. I've seen girls trying to impress me (for the most part) but I personally never saw the point in trying to impress someone to get them to like me. I would just be myself and if they liked me cool and if not, then whatever. I could never really understand why people would try overtly to impress me... now I'm seeing that if they want to win you over they spend the time pumping up their value... it's no wonder they'd get pissed off if I wouldn't pay them much mind. Epiphany! I feel like a light bulb just went off. These are things I never paid much attention to... thanks man.

Are women as keenly aware of social value... and the effects that compliments, value-pumping play?

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Great to hear it, Anonymous. That's attainability - when women are trying to show you their value, and becoming frustrated and auto-rejecting when they feel like you don't recognize it / see it / appreciate it / value them.

As for social value, yes, women are very keenly aware of this. Women train their social antennae to this stuff from a very early age, and they also have a larger portion of their brains devoted to it. Most men never learn it nearly as well as women do, though if you make it to your 20s or so with a decent amount of social intuition and you study this stuff and practice it religiously for a while, you can eventually achieve a social intuition that beats almost anyone else's. The wider the range of social experiences you have and the more different kinds of people at different levels of different social hierarchies you interact with, the stronger your intuition for social rules and social value, and the better able you are to navigate the social jungle and come out on top.

Chase

Wes's picture

Wow, I honestly thought I was a master at complimenting woman. You sir, have just proven me wrong. I never even thought or knew about sexual compliments or us vs. world.
But anyways, a question on sexual compliments:
How should I come up with my own like you showed for the example of genuine compliments?
I feel like I shouldn't be using the same ones all the time.
Also, do you have any more that work well?

i really want to test this out right away this is a very good opportunity for screening. Honestly I still do not fully understand screening and i've read the post maybe three times now. I understand the rewarding and what to screen for but I really don't know where to fit them into my conversations, when to bring them up smoothly, etc. I guess I really need to be a good conversationalist to sew all these skills into conversations but any extra tips would be appreciated.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Hey Wes,

I don't really have any standard sexual compliments personally, and I tend not to use these much myself anyway... they don't mesh so well with my style. But I have friends who use them a lot... often things like whispering into a girl's ear, "I want you NOW," or, "I want to take you back and tear all of your clothes off." And then they just go back to normal conversation. I had a friend who would open a girl direct by complimenting her on her breasts or legs or buttocks... he'd act a little hesitant at first, then say, "No, I can't say it," and the girl would prompt him to just tell her, and he'd say, "Well, okay," and then say it (always to girls who were clearly wearing clothes to show off that particular body part). Done right, these styles really drive women crazy and prime them for a near-term pull.

Screening is just finding out if a girl meets your standards. Do you only want to date intelligent women? Screen for her educational background, hobbies, views, etc. Do you only want to date liberal/conservative women? Screen for her beliefs, political party, etc. Do you only want to date sexually open / sexually inexperienced women? Probe her backstory, relationships, thoughts on modern sexuality, etc.

The simplest example is asking a girl, "Do you cook?" if you want to know if she can cook or not. Just like if a girl asked you that, you'd feel some pressure and wonder why she wants to know and if she's going to write you off if you say "no"... same deal here.

Chase

Prince's picture

Hi Chase,

So I do a proper stop of running in front of a cute girl and then open them with direct eye contact and something like "excuse me, I know this is random but I must say you look very nice etc.” Or “Are you’re from.... (then they answer) then I drop a compliment... Or “are you Single?”

I do so in a confident, relaxed manner etc. but they often look a bit stunned and start moving to the side... or say “oh thanks” or “I have to go...” but smiling a bit.. only saying for a very short time...

I don’t re-open them, but I have read you should because often these woman are caught off guard and don’t know how to react and it’s not an IOD when they walk off immediately. The same goes if they say they have a boyfriend early on in the interaction. I end it too soon or in the former case have failed to re-open hence uncertain about this.

Woman who don’t fancy you can be totally comfortable after your approach and will say thanks and will happily engage in a conversation as they don’t feel any attraction (no threat). *read about this somewhere

Q: Would like to hear your thoughts/experience on this and the initial reactions from woman during day game and what you advice. I think I should re-open and I have to say I am a good looking guy which may play into some of these reactions?

Look forward to your response

Thanks,
Prince

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Hi Prince,

Startled / surprised responses are pretty common in day game, but your target should be reducing and eliminating that element as much as possible, rather than re-opening girls later that you’ve let go.

I’d start by dropping the “I know this is random, but…” line, as it’s excusing yourself and painting yourself as weird / awkward / creepy. I know lines like that can make you feel as though you’re coming in more “under the radar,” but they actually make a girl more certain that you’re being a weirdo by approaching her. Instead, you want to go to the opposite extreme and seek to come off like it’s the most normal thing in the world. Most women start off a bit confused, then intrigued, then charmed.

Focus on nonverbal fundamentals – your smile, your comfort levels, crinkling your nose as you open, coming in smoothly and gracefully enough that your body isn’t jerky or uncomfortable, slowing your movements down so you aren’t running to reach the girl and raising her alarm bells.

If a girl isn’t responding and you want to keep trying your hand, you can walk along with her and continue to talk and see if she will bite. Usually this is not a winning battle; re-opening isn’t normally either. Both of these instances the girl just confirms for herself that “yep, he’s just a creepy weirdo who doesn’t get it.”

Instead of this, focus on not losing her in the first place – come in smoothly, gracefully, more attractively, and more captivatingly. Make her thrilled you opened her. And, of course, don’t excuse yourself (a quick, “Excuse me,” said in a very interesting way is fine, but no “This is totally random, but” or “I NEVER do this, but” – women see through those a mile away).

Chase

Prince's picture

I thought pointing out that "this is random" etc. is stating the 'Elephant in the room' and is socially intelligent... demonstrating to the girl you are aware of social norms? but what you said does give me a different perspective.

Hmm still the Reverse AA (flipping the script) with day game... Guess I'll just give it a test and see for myself what's best.

Thanks for your perspective!

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Hey Prince,

Here’s an example.

Imagine James Bond stops a woman on the street. And then he says, “Excuse me… I know this is kind of random, but…”

Feels really weird, doesn’t it? Like why on Earth is James Bond EXPLAINING himself? He’s James BOND!

It’s the same if you imagine Brad Pitt doing it, or George Clooney, or anyone else that a woman would actually WANT to stop her and open her.

Now, if Will Farrell (in a movie; not real life Will Farrell) stops a woman on the street, he probably has to say, “Excuse me… I know this is really random, but…” because you know she’s going to be thinking, “Uh! Why is THIS guy talking to me?!” He hasn’t worked on himself to be sexy or attractive or interesting, so most women aren’t all that excited to meet him. He needs to buy himself time to say his piece – it’s essentially the same thing as the old opinion openers (“Hey, can I get a female opinion? You see, my friend read this article in Cosmo about who lies more, men or women, and we were both debating it over there trying to figure out the right answer, and we figured we needed a female opinion on this one. So what do you think, who lies more? Is it men, or is it women?”).

By excusing himself, he effectively neutralizes himself as a sexual threat. He’s communicating that he isn’t dominant, and hands dominance over to her as he seeks to win her approval. She feels comfortable - he’d make a great friend, and she stops any consideration of him as a potential mate.

Basically, this comes down to reactions vs. results; you’ll get better reactions from excusing yourself (more friendly, happy, talkative, sociable reactions), but worse results (fewer girls actually ending up in bed with you). By working on your fundamentals to get default receptions more like Bond, Pitt, Clooney, etc., and dropping any form of excusing yourself or painting yourself as non-sexual / non-threatening, you can still meet women who like you without having to dip down close to or into the friend zone to talk to them.

Chase

The M's picture

Hey Chase,

This should be a super helpful article for me! Looking forward to putting it into regular, but sparing, practice. :)

Does having a "non-sexy" taste in music or movies interfere with getting good at seduction? I've tried to listen to "sexier" music such as R&B, rap, etc., but it just doesn't feel like me - at least not yet. I like fantasy movies, too (although I guess you like The Never-Ending Story, so maybe it's OK!). Basically all of these present Disney-fied and sensitive (on the man's part) versions of love, relationships, etc. However, can't they still be a part of an otherwise sexy personality - and actually make me more interesting and multi-faceted than a sexy guy who just listens to and watches straight-up "player" stuff?

BUT also, would you recommend keeping them more in the background until into a relationship? (Talking about your love of cartoons on your first date doesn't seem terribly sexy to me - correct me if I'm wrong!)

One last question on this general topic: does it really matter at all if the girl and I have common tastes in movies and music (or anything else for that matter)? How I present myself seems to be much more important that what I like. Personal tastes don't seem to play a big role in seduction as you've presented it so far on this site. And if we're in a relationship and she thinks I'm super sexy, it doesn't really matter if our tastes differ then, either. In other words, sexiness lies in the person, not in their tastes and opinions.

Best,
M

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Hey M,

Wow, good memory! I had to do a site search to see where I ever mentioned NeverEnding Story on here…

I don’t think music and movie choices hurt you too much with seduction, unless you’re listening to a ton of music where some guy’s crying about some woman he lost, or you’re watching movies about guys crying about women they’ve lost, that sort of thing. Fantasy movies are usually some powerful guy goes and saves a damsel in distress… that’s not so bad. If you get an aura about yourself of “powerful man saving lusty women,” there are worse auras you could have!

Look at everything you take in and mark it down as something that’s subconsciously affecting you. Everything that enters in through your senses affects you and impacts your subconscious, whether you agree with it logically or not. The subconscious is wet clay, and anything that’s pressed into it leaves an impression.

I always make girlfriends watch zombie movies and Lord of the Rings and movies about people dying in outer space with me, and refuse to watch romantic comedies (unless it’s, like, a really awesome romantic comedy, like anything with Kevin Kline in it, for instance). So I wouldn’t worry about that much. If you’re watching anime or something though, you might need to start dating Japanese girls if you want a girlfriend who’ll watch that with you... generally speaking, anything relatively mainstream Hollywood is probably fine.

I don’t think personal tastes matter much. You probably will not ever talk about these prior to sleeping with a girl if you keep conversation focused only on meaningful topics. When movie-watching time rolls around, simply look for common ground. e.g., I think The Lion King is a pretty awesome movie, but if I’m dating a girl who doesn’t like cartoons, we won’t watch that. Instead, we’ll watch The Count of Monte Cristo or something else that pretty much everybody’s going to love.

Note: some people out there are really picky about movies. I’ve never dated a girl like this, and probably wouldn’t get along with one, so I don’t know what you’d do there. Probably just not watch movies with her if your tastes are totally different and not compatible.

Chase

Anonymous's picture

hello chase.
i really admire your blog, everything is clear and organized and well explained and 100% true. well regarding compliments, when you recieve a compliment what should be your reaction? should you return a compliment back? or say thank you? or not say anything at all? or say im not that good? Thanks anyways for everything you wrote. really opened my eyes.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Hi Anon,

The best, never-fail reaction to compliments is generally this: a small, warm smile, and a quick, "Thanks :)"

Playing it off, "Aw, I'm not THAT good!" you usually only want to do if the praise is overmuch and the person clearly feels likt there's a large power differential there between you and her (that you're far more powerful than she is). Complimenting back seems a little reactive, and you'll normally want to skip that one, as the compliments don't come across all that sincere (since they're merely reactions, rather than inspired by something genuine, as the original compliment to you likely was).

In the case that it's an aggressive compliment (i.e., someone trying to assert dominance over you by complimenting you), you can usually use a simple, "Thanks!" followed by ignoring the person to frame it as an ingratiating compliment, or you can put it back on the complimenter by asking, "What makes you say that?" and then answering whatever he/she says by saying, "Well, that's very kind of you, thanks."

Chase

aliparpar's picture

The thing I really liked on this article was how you referenced to scientific articles and journals on Social Psychology and Relationship Maintenance. I know this article was about how to compliment women but reading those articles you've mentioned in this article was really eye opening as well and gives a great insight on the mechanics of social interactions. I'd love to find and read more of these articles if possible.

Thanks again.
-Ali

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Ali-

Duly noted. I'd like to try and fit more research into articles where appropriate, too. It gives stronger foundation to the thrust of the piece, and there are often interesting and unexpected takeaways from what some of these papers have to say.

Chase

Vaughn 's picture

Hey chase thanks for the reply on my last comment.
I want to know how I can look more focused and sharp? Should I squint my eyes and look serious? Maybe I talk like I'm slow(which I thought was good) but when people mimic me I sound like a jock. Is their another way I can talk slow but not sound slow? My voice is. Very deep, just to give you an idea.

How do you spit game on a crowded dance floor?
I have to talk to these girls on the df becuase there is absolutely no where to go that's quiet.
What openers can I use and what should my conversation be if I'm talking with all this loud music.
I was thinking a direct opener or just asking with out Convo what's your number, because I can't really spit nor expand effort too keep conversation going while being very loud and repeating myself.

Thank you!!!

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Vaughn-

To understand looking focused, try looking at yourself in a mirror. Look at yourself zeroed in on your own eyes and reflection - it should feel sharp and piercing. Then -relax- your eye muscles and let it all feel very easy and comfortable and pay attention to what happens to your focus. It will relax as well. People tend to look far more intelligent when focused; they look decisive, certain, and clear. When the eyes are relaxed, one looks complacent and dull instead. You can look focused while squinting or not, and unfocused while squinting or not; it's more the focusing of the eyes on a single point in space (often directly between the eyes of someone else, when you're talking with him or her) and the sharpening of the gaze.

Re: dance floors, they're much more suited for rapid physical escalation than they are for communication. I addressed this the other day on the forums (Re: OR: dance floor.); the relevant part of that comment was this:

[T]he problem with the dance floor is that it's an instant dominance separator: there are the guys who are dominant, and there are the pushovers. No in-between. Which makes sense, when you think about it... dancing is basically simulated sex, and women don't want men who aren't going to dominate them and lead.

What happens is, if you don't come across very solid and self-assured, women will start treating you poorly, or they'll just close off to you. Of course, you often need to take your bumps and bruises just to learn HOW to behave correctly on the dance floor.

If you're really committed to getting good on the dance floor, I'd recommend you start off making yourself more dominant with girls on it. You'll get some blow outs, but you'll also get some very warm receptions - and you'll see more and more of these as you get smoother at this.

Deep diving I'd stay away from while dancing. Just like you wouldn't deep dive a girl during sex, you don't want to do it while dancing.

Re: names, rather than ask her hers, just tell her yours. Or don't mention these at all - save them for once you're off the dance floor. If a girl asks you yours while dancing, you can do the same thing this coy girl did to her - just smile sexily at her, and keep dancing. She's now in hot pursuit, and you are the object of that pursuit.

Chase

Jamile's picture

Hello Chase! I was wondering what your policy is with girls that you are talking to but have not yet become intimate with. I've wrestled with this for a week now and I can't figure what the best course of action would be.
I know she's expecting something because she was dropping hints, even mentioning how scummy her ex was for not getting her anything. So I feel that getting her something would make me boyfriend material, which is no good. But getting her nothing would definitely make her hate me. I feel like the latter is the better choice but I could really use your help.

Thanks for any reply - Jamile

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Jamile-

As a general rule, you don't want to buy gifts for a girl who's not your lover. Typically, her hating your guts but retaining attraction for you is better than her thinking you're a great guy and PERFECT for her to be "just friends" with.

However, you've still got more than two weeks prior to Valentine's Day, which is (generally speaking) WAY more than enough time to take her to bed (unless, say, you're in a very conservative country, etc.).

My suggestion then would be this: sleep with her before Valentine's Day, so that the two of you are lovers. Then, if you'd like to give her something, give her something small, and since you're already lovers with her, you'll be just fine.

Chase

Anonymous's picture

Hey Chase,

I recently met a girl who was complimenting me constantly. I didn't really know how to react and ended up essentially walking away. How should of I responded? Should of I taken her home?
It'd be great if you could let me know.

Thanks, Anon

Lawliet's picture

Thanks for such detailed article, Chase.
It's well layout and concise for many viewers to adjust their complimenting skill. However, what if the girl says, "Oh it's nothing really." or downplays your compliment "Nah, I'm not special."?

Should we persist in our compliment? But won't that come across as try-hard.

Best,
Lawliet

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