How to Pick Up Girls in Bars and Clubs


Recently we've been getting a lot of comments from guys asking how to pick up girls at bars and nightclubs. I've even had a few commenters on here asking if any of the material on Girls Chase works in nighttime venues.

Well, that's funny to me, because almost everything I discuss on here was developed, tried, and tested first in bars and clubs.

pick up girls in bars and clubs

In fact, to this day, these remain my preferred venue type for picking up. You won't find girlfriend-quality girls hanging out much in these places... and you'll even find some downright crazy girls at times.

But if you want to pull off quick pickups and bring girls home within hours or minutes of meeting them... if you want to put yourself in a venue where much of the screening is already done, and a healthy chunk of the women there are looking for something right now... and if you want to really train and hone and test and refine your skills and abilities with women in a fast-paced, ultra-competitive, extreme-as-extreme-gets environment, bars and clubs are it.

Now if all that appeals to you, well... where do you begin?


pick up girls in bars and clubs

If you're new to the nighttime scene, you might not realize yet that different kinds of bars and nightclubs attract different kinds of clientele, looking for different things.

Just as you can expect to find different patrons in search of different meals and different experiences in Mexican restaurants than you can in fine dining establishments than you can in fast food joints, so too does the world of nighttime venues offer a variety of flavors to suit all tastes.

Understanding what these are best prepares you to be able to go out and start using these venues right now to find the kinds of women you most want.


The Different Kinds of Bars

Bars come in three distinct varieties:

  • Neighborhood bars
  • Dive bars
  • Popular bars

Bars tend to not be as suited for pick up as other nighttime venues, as they're generally smaller, more brightly lit, and more "friendly" environments that are conducive to groups of friends going to hang out, have drinks, eat snacks, shoot the breeze, and dance. People generally prefer beer to liquor in bars.

Of these three groups of bars, dive bars are the most reliable pickup locations, while neighborhood bars tend to be the worst. Here's a look at each.


Neighborhood Bars

Neighborhood bars have a tendency to be all over the map, in terms of patrons and expectations. You'll find some neighborhood bars stocked with retired military veterans; some that are biker hangouts; others that college kids stop by in droves to pre-game at prior to a night on the town. Some them will have all of these and more in a single venue.

A neighborhood bar is identified by its large gang of regulars, many of whom know each other; its friendly and cordial atmosphere; and its acceptance of both groups of friends and solo visitors there to pound back some ale and shoot the breeze with bartender and bar-goer alike.

Neighborhood bars include:

  • Sports bars
  • Irish pubs
  • English pubs
  • Salsa bars

Generally speaking, these bars are not good pickup locations, with the exception perhaps of salsa bars on a salsa night. You won't find many attractive young women at these locations, and most of the ones you will find are deep into socializing with people they're already friends with. Even at salsa bars, the most favorable of these toward pickup, most salsa classes are held in the early evening, and are more conducive to getting a phone number than they are to picking up girls.


Dive Bars

Of the three main categories of bar, dive bars are the easiest spots to pick up a girl at. Why so? Mainly because dive bars:

  • Attract less image-conscious people (thus, that new girl you've just met won't care as much what her friends think if she goes home with you)

  • Are darker / seedier types of environments (which discourages from visiting them women who are focused on everything being "perfect" or having a night out on the town with the girls, or who aren't bar "veterans")

  • Are much more likely to serve as meet markets

The downside (depending on your tastes) of a dive bar is that the women in attendance don't get all dressed up to the nines. The upside of this is that they don't expect the best, so you can still manage to pull from here even if you aren't on your A game.

Because women in dive bars tend to be less concerned with their friends' opinions, or to be bigger participants in modern Western "hook up culture," you'll typically find these venues the most reliable pickup spots.

One other reason that dive bars make such good locations to meet women open to accompanying you home the same night: dive bars attract women more experienced in the bar scene, and the more experienced in the bar scene a girl is, the more open she tends to be to casual flings and rapid pickups.

As dating website OkCupid found in its famous analysis of website data "The Best Questions for a First Date," the only correlation for women between the answer to any question and whether a girl said she'd have sex on the first date or not was for the question, "Do you like beer?"

As beer is an acquired taste, and that it typically takes a fair amount of time at bars and parties to acquire it, and the more often a woman is in these situations, the more opportunities she's giving herself to hook up with men and the more likely she is to get comfortable with the idea, it only stands to reason that the more time she spends around beer (at parties and bars), the more she likes its taste, and the more hook ups she has.

Thus, dive bars: home to female drinking pros... and hook up pros, too.


Popular Bars

pick up girls in bars and clubsPopular bars include:

  • Dance bars
  • Music bars
  • Piano bars
  • Karaoke bars
  • College bars

These are basically the big, hopping bars that attract large crowds of attractive / fun-loving young people. In terms of pickup reliability, popular bars are somewhere above neighborhood bars, and below dive bars.

Popular bars attract a more "mainstream" clientele; that is to say, not the older and mixed crowds of neighborhood bars, and not the "bar veterans" of dive bars, but rather your run-of-the-mill, ordinary folks out for some fun, drinking, partying, socializing, and dancing.

The disadvantage of this is you get people less experienced with the bar scene, which means a lot of women with reservations about hooking up in front of their friends. And, because people always come to popular bars with friends, and because they tend to have reservations about hooking up with strangers in front of those friends, this makes picking up in popular bars a lot more challenging than in dive bars.

On the plus side, you can find flashier / more "done up" girls in popular bars than you will in dive bars (not necessary physically prettier, but typically better hair / clothes / make up; "hotter," if you will). And you can sometimes pull - but usually that happens later at night, when everyone's somewhat drunk and a girl's friends are all over the place.

You'll tend to find that the most fights happen at popular bars, too; just as popular bars attract immature women inexperienced with the bar scene, they also attract a lot of immature men who easily become drunk, sexually frustrated, and aggressive. So long as you're ready to sidestep aggressors and calm things down after finding out a girl has a boyfriend only after he comes up and puts his hands on you, and you keep your wits about you, you'll be fine.

Just remember that people tend to roll in big groups at popular bars, so tread a little lightly if you're there by yourself. These places can still be fun, and you can sometimes pick up from them, if you don't drink too much and you keep your head screwed on straight.


The Different Kinds of Lounges

While technically considered bars, I'm including lounges here as a separate category, mostly because they tend to attract very different crowds and have very different atmospheres than most bars.

The three kinds of lounges are:

  • Hotel bars
  • Cocktail lounges
  • Hookah/shisha bars

Unlike bars, people don't come here to drink beer, or to party (except in the case of some hotel bars); rather, they're here to relax, sip a cocktail, and make conversation.

Dress codes at lounges are more upscale; while you may be able to get away with t-shirts and loose-fitting jeans at most bars, in a lounge you'll want to have at least a button-down shirt on - if not a blazer or fashionable coat on top of it. And forget about anything that doesn't hug your frame; looking good is more important than feeling comfortable in a lounge.


Hotel Bars

For all the glamor of a hotel bar - imagine the mystique of meeting some beautiful woman staying at the hotel, all alone in the room paid for by her company, whiling away her night with a martini and a cigarette at the bar - they're actually surprisingly difficult to pick up at compared to the other lounge options.

Partly, this is because there simply aren't a lot of lonely businesswoman travelers out there manning the bar at their hotels. And partly, this is because the hotel bars that are popular - e.g., the Ivy Hotel bars, the W Hotel and its bars, the Hard Rock Hotel and the bars it has there - tend to be trendy lounges akin to the "popular bars” discussed above where young people new to the bar scene come to see and be seen with large gaggles of their friends - not to meet somebody new.

So, while you'll often see and hear of lots of "hot" girls in attendance at these, you'll also find them much harder to pull women home from than other lounges, despite the often larger numbers of women present.

Women in hotel bars tend to have their "shields" up, ready to deflect incoming male suitors on autopilot, no matter how stylish, attractive, or smooth those male suitors may be. That's because they aren't being dismissed because the woman has actually gotten to know them and thinks they aren't her type; it's rather because she's working off the assumption that every man who bothers to approach her here is "gaming" her, or a "playboy."

Best advice for picking up in hotel bars? Get there early, before the women present have switched into autopilot dismissal mode. You still stand a chance of meeting girls on a human-to-human basis at this point, rather than having to break out your A game just to say "hello" like you will later on in the night.


Cocktail Lounges

Cocktail lounges are the dark, smoky places filled with stylish furniture, ambient music, and people interested in people. Because they're so similar in clientele and behavior, I'm including wine bars in the "cocktail lounges" category here.

Of the three main types of lounges, you stand the best odds of picking up girls here, at the cocktail lounge; better than hotel bars, and better than hookah bars.

What makes cocktail lounges so conducive to picking up are the following things:

  • People go to cocktail lounges to relax and talk, rather than to dance and party

  • Most people in cocktail lounges are open to meeting new people

  • Music sets the tone for interactions, and the music in cocktail lounges (ambient and house music) tends to be the music most conducive to seduction and building and creating sexual tension

You'll find that women in cocktail lounges tend to be attractively dressed, open to meeting strangers, and often somewhat older than the women you'll meet in hotel bars (e.g., 21+ in a hotel bar; 24 or 25+ in a cocktail lounge). Women in cocktail lounges tend to be classier women than you'll find in dive bars, but similarly experienced with nighttime establishments and similarly open to casual liaisons.

That means, when you ask her to leave with you and join you for a nightcap, she won't flip out and tell you in a dazed panic that she needs to ask her friends first (as women at hotel bars and popular bars are wont to do), and instead will simply look you in the eye, smile like a minx, and say, "Sure... why not?"


Hookah/Shisha Bars

Known as hookah bars (or lounges) in most of the United States, and shisha bars in the U.K., these establishments cater to laid back clientele there to relax, smoke some flavored tobacco, have a few drinks, and chat.

While hookah bars aren't quite as conducive to same-night pick ups as regular cocktail lounges are (as women tend to be seated more with groups of people, and thus more "entrenched"), you'll find that, on average, they're somewhat easier to pull from than hotel bars.

This is because they attract a clientele that straddles the middle ground between hotel bars and cocktail lounges. While the women you'll meet here aren't quite as experienced with going out as the women you'll meet in cocktail lounges most of the time, they tend to be more experienced and comfortable with it than the women in hotel bars, and, thus, more open to making new acquaintances and more open to doing something with those new acquaintances.

Hookah bars tend to be more "casual" than either hotel bars or cocktail lounges, inasmuch as people dress a bit less formally at these and act a bit more relaxed. However, you can still find classy, modernist hookah bars with ambient music and well-dressed women - and these tend to be your best bet for picking up that night at hookah lounges.


The Different Kinds of Nightclubs

I break nightclubs down into three unique categories:

  • Dance clubs
  • Player's clubs
  • House clubs

There's nothing "official" about these terms, but they correspond roughly to the types of venues you'll encounter.

Nightclubs offer some of the most "extreme" environments you can pick up in, featuring quite often more worked up women, more jealous boyfriends, more sexual energy, and significantly shorter escalation windows than almost anywhere else. If you weren't too sure if the mantras on Girls Chase of moving fast and attraction has an expiration date were accurate, a few rounds in a nightclub will settle all doubts.

Here's what you can expect in each one of these venues:


Dance Clubs

"Dance clubs" I define as super loud, often very dark nightclubs that serve as little more than big dance halls for throbbing, sweaty scores of men and women. Dance clubs play LOUD popular music, hip-hop, and techno, and feature little sitting or talking area and LOTS of dance floor space. If I could pick any single nighttime venue that was best-suited to what many women want out of their bar/club experiences and worst-suited to what most men want out of their bar/club experiences, it'd be the dance club.

When you read online reviews of a nightclub and see scads of women leaving 5-star reviews that read, "OMG! This is THE best nightclub EVER! Don't just go here... go here RIGHT NOW for the TIME of your LIFE!!!" that's a dance club - and when you hear these things about it, you're either going to have one of two reactions:

  1. Inexperienced Club Guy: "Whoa, women are having such a GREAT TIME here... this is probably the best place in TOWN to pick up at!"

  2. Experienced Club Guy: "Whoa, women are ecstatic about this place... that means they're getting reams and reams of attention from countless men, brushing these suitors off left and right, dancing and making out with others like crazy and then walking away like nothing, and basically feeling like all-powerful princes who call the shots with every man they see and leave every single guy wanting more. This place is probably the worst place in town to pick up at."

The reason that women love these places is because they get mountains of emotional validation from the volumes of horny drunk guys present. The reason that men keep going to these places is because they get dances and make outs and feel women up, and keep thinking that they almost got there and that next time they're going to seal the deal.

Slow down, Casanova; you're not thinking logistics here.

Like we discussed in that sexual tension article, kissing women acts as an extinguisher, or a "release," for sexual tension. Once you've kissed a girl, she knows she's got you, and she doesn't need to keep going on with you.

Is it possible to pick up girls at dance clubs? Of course.

Is it advised?

No, absolutely not.

When I used to teach pick up in-field to guys, and I'd have guys signed up for boot camps or one-on-ones, we'd usually do part of the boot camp at a dance club, simply because there were so many women there to approach, and then we'd do the rest of the session at a house club or a cocktail lounge or a wine bar, because that was where the guys would get results.

When you're getting paid to train a guy, you want to make sure he sees results, and most of these guys who are learning how to pick up only ever go to dance clubs because they feel more anonymous and easier to approach in. But they're also significantly harder to get results in.

A good rule of thumb for dance clubs is this: take whatever girl you normally get at a cocktail lounge, and subtract two points. Or whatever girl you normally get during day game and subtract four points.

Normally I'm anathema to the very flawed 10-point scale of rating women by looks, but for the sake of clarity if we use it here that'd look like this:

  • If you normally pull 9s during day game, you can expect to pull 7s in a cocktail lounge, and 5s at a dance club (6s on a really lucky night)

  • If you normally pull 8s during day game, you can expect to pull 6s in a cocktail lounge, and 4s at a dance club

... and so on, and so forth.

Now, it is possible to pull the really hot girl from a dance club for a same-night lay; but, it's very difficult. Because of the charged emotions and the tons of men repeatedly approaching her, you're best able to pull same night from a dance club if you have perfect logistics.

That is, if you're staying in a hotel right next door to the club, or your apartment's a block down. You've essentially got to get her out of there and alone with you and escalating before the emotional high wears off, and it doesn't last long.

Because you don't have any real connection to go off of in a dance club... just emotion.

What about dance floor game, you might ask?

Same problem. It's emotional spiking. You might get a club make out, but once you've done that for a while you'll soon realize that kissing girls in nightclubs actually makes it harder to get them out of there going home with you.

As you reach mid-pull, she starts coming out of the cloud of emotions and realizing things rationally... and suddenly, she knows the two of you are leaving to have sex, and she isn't sure if that's what she wants to do. So, she objects; she protests; and then, she begs off and leaves.

Dance clubs are very tempting, I know; almost every aspiring nighttime pickup artist gravitates toward them eventually, for the number of scantily clad women they contain and the just-out-of-reach feel of those women, who will dance, touch, kiss, and flirt like crazy.

You can pull - sometimes, at the end of the night. But generally, this is only with mid-level girls who are drunk and sloppy, confused and stumbling around. Not fun, not pretty, and not the kind of girl you really want to take home, unless you are very much looking forward to a night of drunk loving, morning-after hangovers, and non-metaphorical walks of shame.

Trust me - there are better options out there for your nightclub enjoyment.


Player's Clubs

The player's club is what I call a club that isn't really a dance club - its music isn't quite deafening enough, and there's too much floor space dedicated to non-dance floor activities, like bars and tables. This is the kind of nightclub I first cut my teeth in, in a venue named exactly that: the Player's Club.

Player's clubs tend to be more relaxed than their wild cousins the dance clubs, with people moving frequently back and forth between the dance floor and the other areas of the club, which are more lounge-like. If you get there early, you can typically grab a spot at the bar while things fill up, although you typically won't want to stay there long once the crowds start coming.

Like dance clubs, player's clubs tend to play a mix of popular, hip-hop, and techno music (often badly mixed), though the volume is at tolerable enough levels that you can shout some conversation with girls. It's still rather difficult to talk here, and you'll find that attention spans aren't the greatest, and escalation windows still aren't the longest.

Women are slightly more open to meeting new people in player's clubs than they are in dance clubs. The secret here is to be ready to quickly peel a girl away from her group of friends and get her moving and sitting somewhere with you.

You'll still find it logistically difficult to pull - player's clubs are similar to popular bars in that girls are usually there with groups of their friends - but you'll still have an easier time of it here than you will at dance clubs.


House Clubs

pick up girls in bars and clubsThe crème de la crème of nightclubs, if your interest is in picking up new women to share fantastic sexual experience with (as opposed to, say, dancing the night away).

When I moved to Washington, D.C. in 2006, I had absolutely zero interest in house music. I was a fan of rap; it was what I listened to, almost exclusively, with a little Bob Marley thrown in for good measure.

The house clubs of D.C. changed all that for me.

Why'd I become a huge fan of house and ambient music? Simple: tons and tons of good experiences tied to this style of music.

Emotional anchoring works on everyone, and when you've had consistently great experiences tied to a specific type of music, you come to love it.

My very first night in a house club I met a stunning Peruvian girl who'd go on to become my first real girlfriend and to-date the girl I dated for the longest period of my life. On frequent visits after that, I picked up numerous girls same-night, and met a great deal more. No other type of venue in D.C. held a candle to these. At my favorite D.C. house club, I had a same-night pickup ratio of about 25%; not bad for a guy with a beer gut and a baby face who was still for all intents and purposes a beginner (and I was picking up some pretty cute girls, usually).

Living in San Diego, again, my most reliable pickup location was a tiny house club / lounge. I ended up picking up same night or meeting a girl I'd later sleep with even more frequently than at the D.C. location. I had great luck at another big house club there, too.

Everywhere I traveled after that, I kept finding house clubs consistently the easiest places to pull from. My pull rate narrowed the gap as my skills improved - I found it easier to pull from the more challenging venues, while my pull rate at house clubs continued improving, though not as fast - but house clubs remained the easiest places to extract women from.

Why is that?

When I was new to learning seduction, I found that most of the other guys learning pickup kept going to the more "mainstream" venues, heading to dance clubs and popular bars, and kept not getting laid.

And I'd tell them, well, look, why don't you come to these house clubs with me, you'll be amazed how much easier it is there! Not only that, but you'll be able to amass a bunch of experiences going from meet to lay, build up your skill level, and build up your confidence levels, so even if you really, really, really prefer the girls at dance clubs and popular bars, heck, you can go back to those places armed with better everything!

And these guys would just keep declining, and I'd run into them years later and I'd be picking up chicks left and right and dating gorgeous women with incredible personalities, and these guys would still be twiddling their thumbs at dance clubs or popular bars, still no better at picking up than they were years before, or they'd be locked up in a monogamous relationship with some rather rotund woman who appeared for all the world to be the one wearing the pants in the relationship.

That's because house clubs are considered "underground." They're not places you go if you're a normal, social circle-having, play-by-the-rules-being type of guy (or gal).

Instead, at house clubs, you get all the rest: everything from weirdoes to beauty queens, all the people who don't want to go to the more mainstream places because either A) they won't be accepted, or B) they'll be mobbed by sloppy drunk guys without style, grace, or charm, and unlike faux "hot" girls dressing up to make themselves appear more beautiful for the sake of getting attention, they're legitimately beautiful women who don't need more attention from random men, and prefer to go somewhere they can disappear, relax, and be treated like normal human beings.

What makes house clubs great for picking up, then? The following:

  1. Ambient/house music creates a sexual vibe. If you've ever spent time in a house club, you'll know right away what I mean when I say the pulsating rhythm and deep bass used there creates a very sexual vibe. Where pop music creates "dance the night away!" vibes, and hip-hop creates "grind-'n'-fight" vibes, and techno creates "go crazy dancing and jumping!" vibes, house and ambient music create "move fluidly and get turned on" vibes. In fact, this is the only music I recommend if you want to play music back at your apartment when alone with a girl, too.

  2. House clubs have an atmosphere that lends itself to conversation. Women are less "on guard" in house clubs that at pretty much any other type of venue. People get into conversations here; random men with random men, random women with random women, random men and random women. Everybody socializes... it's normal. A house club isn't like a dance club, where you go with your friends and dance the night away... rather, you go to a house club to meet, connect, listen to the DJ, and compare notes on other house music experiences.

  3. You're much more likely to meet women alone here. You'll just about never meet a girl by herself in a dance club, but women come alone to house clubs all the time. While a girl would feel overwhelmed and threatened alone in a dance club, the more relaxed air and clientele of a house club make her feel relatively safe flying solo. She might be there just for a drink... but often if she's there alone, it's because she's there to pick up too.

  4. Women are far more comfortable slipping off into the night with you. Whether that's to go grab a seat on the closest sofa, or to hop in your car and head back to your place, women in house clubs have a lot fewer reservations about breaking off from their friends and going with you than they do in dance clubs. Partly this is because house venues attract a more experienced-with-nightlife clientele, and partly it's because things are just more comfortable in house clubs and she's more comfortable saying, "Okay."

  5. House clubs are the most likely candidates to be "meet markets." Most cities have meet markets, but it's not usually the places you hear about. You won't find most real meet markets listed on Internet discussion forums; in fact, the last time I checked on San Diego, one of the toughest places to pull from was listed as the city's #1 meet market on most lists! This is probably due to women voting up places as "meet markets" the places where they get approached by the largest number of men... as opposed to the place where they actually meet the most men that they go home with, or go on to date. Reactions vs. results.

    So how do you find your city's real meet markets? Simple - you look. Often, in the course of your explorations of less "popular" venues, you'll find the ones that still attract sizeable crowds, but that are surprisingly easy to meet people in, get conversations going, and get compliance from the kind of women you like. Voila - meet market found.

For these reasons, you'll tend to find that house clubs have some of the best pull-to-visit ratios you'll experience. If you want the best odds of pulling when you go out, go to a nightclub that plays exclusively house and ambient music.


Venue Layout Specifics

When you're gauging a venue to discern how good it's going to be for pick up, you want to look at a few logistical elements in the venue's layout:

  • Size
  • Seating
  • Narrowness
  • Number of floors
  • Centrality of the bar(s) as opposed to the dance floor(s)
  • Whether there's a catwalk or not

Obviously, bigger is better (more room to spread out, wander around, and more capacity for women to fill into), but the other ones aren't quite as naturally intuitive.

  1. Size: bigger is better. The larger the size of the venue, the more women it can fit, and (unless it's a place in the process of failing), the more people you can typically expect it to get. A good size also means more space for people to spread out; you don't want a totally empty bar or club, but trying picking up in a mosh pit and you'll realize that the more people there are, the more women are on guard, and the less open to meeting strangers they tend to be.

  2. Seating: look for lots of empty chairs and sofas. There's nothing less conducive to picking up girls in bars and clubs than bars and clubs with nowhere to sit. You know the ones; they're mostly big dance floors, with a few VIP tables scattered about, or a few seats at the bar, and that's it. Look for ample seating; the more space there is to sit down, the greater the likelihood that there'll be somewhere to sit once you're meeting women and ready to move girls.

  3. Narrowness: narrower is better (to a point). Here's one that might surprise you: narrower is better when your goal is to pick up. The very most popular bars and clubs tend to be ones with lots of big, wide, open space - but these tend to make women feel exposed, vulnerable, and more on-guard. They're also not very suited to naturally "bumping into" women as narrower places are. Obviously, you don't want somewhere that's so narrow it hardly fits anyone in; but look for venues narrow enough in most places that it's easy to meet women in them without having to close a big gulf of space, or stand there uncomfortably without a wall or bar or railing to comfortably lean against.

  4. Number of floors: 2 to 3 is ideal. The great thing about multiple floors is the ability to move among them, keeping things "fresh." Once you've spent much time on a floor, you'll find you've approached a number of the women there, but changing to another level often means a lot of new women to approach. One floor is too few; you're liable to get trapped in a place that's tapped out. But more than 3 floors is usually too many; these places are too big, too confusing, and tend to lead to too much defensiveness from women. Look for venues with 2 or 3 different floors to spend time on.

  5. Centrality of the bar(s): look for central locations. Venue layouts tend to favor either a centrally located dance floor (most nightclubs) with a bar off to the side, or a centrally-located bar (some clubs; more common in bars and lounges) with the dance floor off to the side. You want to look for the centrally-located bar(s) and relatively marginalized dance floor(s), as the central location is where people tend to congregate, and pick up is a lot easier and more consistent off the dance floor than on it.

  6. Catwalk: look for these. Something you might not think to look for, but I highly suggest you do, is a catwalk. Catwalks tend to replace dance floors on upper levels, with a setup commonly being a dance floor on the first level, and a catwalk ringing the dance floor and looking down over it on the second. What this tends to mean is that the second level of the venue is entirely devoted to standing and socializing, with nobody dancing - prime choice for picking up. Additionally, women scattered around a catwalk looking down tend to be in reflective moods, and more open to meeting new people.

When you find a venue with most of these attributes, you'll often have a winner. When you find a venue with all of them... well, check the crowd, but assuming there are enough attractive women in attendance, you've almost certainly found a great place to pick up.


pick up girls in bars and clubs

Bars and clubs are both straightforward places to pick up at, and a little challenging and intimidating when you're new. Because of the sensory overload most of these places have to offer (especially nightclubs), and the sheer volume of drunk and sometimes intimidating strangers, they can seem a bit much, especially when you're more accustomed to day game or meeting girls at parties.

So how exactly do you approach meeting women in these venues?

Simple: you need a game plan for the night, you need to identify which women you want to meet, you want to screen women out, not in, and you need your process down.

I'll explain.


Your Nighttime Game Plan

When I was still new to going out at night, I tended to fall into one of two patterns in how I approached a night out:

  • I'd either spend all of my time in ONE (1) venue, or

  • I'd spend all of my time bouncing from place to place to place.

The former most often happened when I was going out alone, the latter most often when I was out with a wingman, but there were exceptions to both.

I later started realizing that most of my pickups happened on the relatively rare outings when I visited two (2) venues only, despite the fact that they made up only a fraction of my nights out. I realized that on these nights, I was using one venue (the first) to warm up and get going in, and one (the second) to really burn the house down in and swing the bat hard.

Once I realized this, I ended up making this a part of my default nighttime game plan: go to two venues, and two venues only, no more, no less.

A little later, I began experimenting with nighttime street game, and achieved some of the fastest pickups in my life. I started viewing street after bars and clubs closed as so reliable that it became my default "back up plan;" if I really wanted to pick up, and couldn't do so in a bar or a club, I could probably do so on the streets afterward.

These days, when I recommend a guy set up a nighttime game plan, I recommend he set one up like this:

  1. First venue: get comfortable approaching, and talk to a fair amount of new people here. Get here early.

  2. Second venue: arrive here once you've warmed up at Venue #1, but before the main crowd shows up. Begin meeting people while it's still empty and women's defenses are still lowered. Do your best to pull here.

  3. Street: in between venues, and after the second venue lets out for the end of the night, approach women on the street. Strike up conversations, then immediately look to pull.

You'll want to be focused on talking to lots of girls, and the first venue is what you'll be using to get warmed up and doing that. No worries if you have a bit of approach anxiety; you'll get that sorted in Venue #1. And no worries if you come off a bit stiff or unpolished when you're starting up for the night; by the time you reach Venue #2 you'll be humming (while most of the rest of the guys just showing up for the start of their nights are all thumbs with the girls).

You'll also want to decide how big an impact alcohol is going to have in your evening; while sex and alcohol are decidedly linked, drinking too much is a recipe for a bad night (that doesn't result in you picking up, or at least picking up any especially attractive young ladies). I have a few friends able to mix copious amounts of liquor with successful picking up, but these friends are friends who've been drinking copious amounts of liquor for very long times and retain a great degree of control over their mental faculties even as they drink most of the competition under the table.

Unless you're a drinking pro, my advice here is to keep it to a couple of drinks a night, and nurse those drinks. A slight buzz helps get you going more easily, be wittier, more relaxed, and more on-point; being even a little drunk though is going to mean you're off your game and making mistakes.


Identifying Which Women to Approach

Also known as "target selection" by some of the more technical students of seduction, identifying the women you want to meet is something that can save you a lot of both time and hassle, and up the odds you go home with a new girl you like.

The problem with this, though, is this: you won't be able to do it without much experience. You need to be socially experienced in order to have the social intuition necessary for sifting through the various different signs and signals you're getting from all the women around you.

For instance, a man new to the bar scene may see a scantily-clad woman and think to himself, "Oh! There's a girl who CLEARLY wants to be picked up tonight!" only to find that he spends a lot of time with her and never gets beyond flirting with her.

Conversely, the same man may see a woman dressed in a t-shirt and baseball cap and think to himself, "Meh, that girl doesn't want anything," only to be surprised to watch her leave with some other man an hour later. "Maybe he was her boyfriend?" the guy asks himself, knowing full well he wasn't.

The fact is, the flashier she's dressed, the higher her expectations are for her night - and for YOU. She's expecting a night of heavy doses of attention, men drooling over her, and only the most perfect Prince Charming sweeping her off her feet.

If she's dressed down though, that means her expectations are virtually non-existent. She isn't going out to be the pretty, shiny object... she's just going out to go out. And that means that any attractive men she meets are a bonus.

pick up girls in bars and clubs

I've long since adopted a personal philosophy of, "When you really want to pick up, approach the dressed-down girls first."

The dressed-up girls are good for practice. And you will get these girls... sometimes.

But for the absolute best return on the investment (of your time, effort, and energies), approach girls who are dressed down. I've picked up lots of dressed down girls who were every bit as attractive under their unexceptional clothing (or more so) than the flashy girls were as lots of other men who wanted to pick up were busily competing for that one club queen off over there shaking her booty and waiting for the next man to approach and try his hand at her.

But once her clothes are off, it doesn't matter how flashy they were... all that matters is how good she looks without them.

When identifying women to approach, then, look for the standard stuff:

  • Women who are looking around a lot / distracted / disinterested with friends
  • Women with open body language / feet, heads, or bodies open to the crowd
  • Women who look calm (not über-excited, nor depressed)

... but also look for these things:

  • Women who aren't being as flirtatious
  • Women who aren't dressed quite as flashy
  • Women who aren't being the "main event"

While ovulating women tend to be both hornier and more flirty and flashier in dress, as discussed in "What's the Best Way to Pick Up Girls? Get the Ones Looking for You," these women often attract suitors to them like moths to a flame, which means you're going to be facing:

  1. Fierce and determined competition (men can "sense" fertile women, and compete hard for them)

  2. Women with higher "walls," their defenses in place from being swamped with men approaching them

  3. Women with more fickle taste, with lower tolerance for mistakes, shorter escalation windows, and more fleeting interest in specific men

In other words, these flirty, fickle women you'll see men climbing over one another to compete for in bars and clubs are absolutely, positively fantastic to test your skills out on and push your boundaries with, and provided you're already at an intermediate level of skill you'll learn lots from them when trying to pick them up.

However... even with an advanced degree of skill, you'll only on occasion be able to actually land these girls, and get them invested in you and leaving with you and going home with you and going to bed with you.

The rest of the time, you'll just end up frustrated, wondering why it's so hard to pick up in bars and nightclubs.

Well, when you're going for the same girl that half the club is too, and you're not already a pickup pro, that's the equivalent of asking yourself why it's so hard to win the NBA championship when you're not even in the NBA yet.

Is it possible? Yes, absolutely. Is it likely, when everybody and his brother, including guys with better looks, who are smoother with women, and more experienced than you, are trying their luck as well?

No, not really.

So if you're in "pick up TONIGHT!" mode, and not "learning and pushing boundaries" mode, focus on the girls with the traits we talked about that signal them as the easiest for you to pick up.


Screen Women OUT, Not In

Most guys new to pick up have a very simple philosophy when it comes to screening:

Try to help as many women as possible pass their screens.

As a result of this, they end up with tons of women available to them... hardly any of them the right ones.

Believe it or not, not every woman out there is open to being picked up at any given time by any guy who comes along and smiles the right way and says the right things. Throw Brad Pitt or George Clooney in a nightclub and ask them to pick up one particular girl you point out, and they might be able to... but even with the advantage of fame added onto their good looks and great charm, there's a good chance they get a "no."

This isn't a reflection on them, and it isn't one on you when you get rejected by girls... it's simply the way things go; not all women are open to being picked up by all men, all the time.

A girl might say "no" to Brad Pitt, but "yes" to George Clooney. Or she might say "yes" to Pitt, but "no" to Clooney. Or maybe she doesn't like Hollywood very much, and she says "no" to both men... but "yes" to you. There are a million different things that can happen with a million different women.

Thus, why you want to be pushing for investment and for girls to move with you quickly into an interaction: to screen out the ones who aren't interested, and to get the ones who are interested in you rapidly upping their investment and growing accustomed to following your lead.


Having Your Process Down

The last part of this, of course, is your process: you need to know what you're doing with women if you want to pick them up and take them home.

We've discussed process a few times on here, but for the sake of simplicity I'll lay out a straightforward process (the one I followed for years in bars and clubs, until my targeting was good enough that I could be more selective more easily) right here:

  1. Do a fair amount of approaches to get warmed up and build social momentum

  2. Open with direct openers, indirect direct, or situational openers

  3. Keep moving and meeting new women, working to get quick investment and move them, screening out non-compliant women and women who aren't especially interested in you

  4. Transition quickly from light early banter following your opener to deep diving, broken up periodically with chase framing to keep things from getting too heavy

  5. Get her sitting down with you soon into deep diving, if you aren't seated already
  6. Continue escalating investment from the girl, getting more compliance, and screening her via deep diving

  7. Once she seems ready (anywhere from 20 minutes to 1 hour, normally), invite her home

  8. Kiss her within 10 minutes (ideally, sooner) of getting her into your place

  9. Escalate to sex

This is simple and straightforward, but most guys don't have a process like this.

Fact is, if you armed every guy with a simple process that took him from meet to close, I guarantee you the number of men picking up women regularly would rocket sky-high.

But, as a reader of this article, you're in a rather unique position... because most men will never take the time to figure out what their process ought to be.

Instead, they'll just "wing it," and repeatedly go home empty, alone, and frustrated.


How to Pick Up Girls in Bars and Clubs TONIGHT

You'll notice that most of this article is focused on the types of venue, with only about a quarter of it on your actual process.

That's partly because so much of the pickup process is covered in various other articles all over this site (see: "How to Get Girls;" "How to Pick Up Girls," etc.), but also partly because the venue really DOES make a huge impact in the kind of night you're going to have.

If you're spending most of your time in dance clubs and popular bars, like the majority of men out there, you're going to be fighting an uphill battle every time you go out to pick up.

By diversifying your taste in venue - and by getting a game plan and process down, and by better identifying which women to meet and screening out the ones who don't want what you want - you enable yourself to do what most men struggle crazily to do and still fail to do:

Pick up pretty new girls, and take them home with you.

Yours,
Chase Amante

Related Articles from GirlsChase.com

Comments

Funman's picture

3


Waaow once again so much detail. I would have to read this article several times to completely absorb everything.

Questions about night game.

1) What is your opinion about people recommending be "mr. social/ life of the party guy/ working the room etc? If you recommend it, for which venue would this be good.

2) Have you written an article on winning over the group?

3) Have you done pick up in restaurants which have bars with them?

Chase Amante's picture

Life of the Party / Groups / Restaurants

Author

Hey Funman,

On being Mr. Social, you can do this at the outset of the night, and it can be effective for establishing some early contact with lots of people and for getting you moving, but you've got to be focused on finding girls you like who are receptive to you and hunkering down with them. It's easy to fall into the trap of "social butterflying," and at that point you've built so much steam under you meeting new people that you can't stop even when you run into a cute girl who's into you.

I do have a post on groups, although I throw out the "win over the group" idea in it: 5 Essential Insights on How to Meet Girls in Groups.

On restaurants with bars, I'd say treat that similar to how you'd treat a hotel bar. Basically, unless it's pretty crowded, pick a spot at the bar near some attractive women and get into conversations. These are typically slim pickings and I doubt you'd want to make a restaurant bar your staple; but, there are always exceptions.

Chase

Ali's picture

Need more Details? What details. It's all nailed down!


Wow ! Thanks a lot for this article Chase. The article goes deep into the topic and answers all of the questions. Even more!

Another great article...Bookmarked!

Chase Amante's picture

All Nailed Down

Author

Glad you liked it, Ali!

Chase

Salvatore's picture

Peruvian, nice


Peruvian, nice catch!

Wonderful article as always. I wish I had this 2 or 3 years ago, would have stopped making out in the night clubs so much. Unless the girl is absolutely 100% obsessed with you, yeah, I find it better to physically escalate in private.

I'm generally less experienced with relationships having been a night game type of guy myself, so here is a question for you Mr. Chase. I went over the relationship posts quickly and didn't find the answer. Link me up if I'm mistaken.

Is it a bad idea to ask the girl to be in a relationship? Does that come off like you are chasing for one? The girl that I am seeing is definitely more on the shy side, and I have been an alpha, leading the interaction in every which way and form. I don't see her asking for one on that basis- she's probably waiting for me to ask for one. And I'm definitely not falling into a relationship: she's my type, I like her, been physical, all of this has been amplified by going into the field and dating other girls at the same time. You get the idea.

Chase Amante's picture

Getting Into Relationships

Author

Hi Salvatore,

Hmm, yeah; I'm not sure if there is something on here yet that deals with having "relationship talks" or not.

For sure though, you DON'T want to *ask* a girl to be in a relationship with you. The general pattern in dating and mating is men chase sex, women chase relationships. Instead, it's typically better to just increase the amount of time you're spending with her, and at some point if you introduce her to people, introduce her as your girlfriend.

Doing it that way is a much more potent way of doing things; then instead of you coming across as if you aren't sure whether she wants to date you / need to put the ball in her court, you rather communicate that you assume that of COURSE the two of you are an item, and you're not even worried about it or thinking about it. Most girls thrill when you're clearly in charge of the relationship but they don't really know what the status is, and then they hear you refer to them as your "girlfriend" to someone.

Chase

Pellaeon's picture

Hey Chase, I currently reside


Hey Chase, I currently reside in DC, and I have no clue how I would go about finding House clubs. Can you name any specific places you went to or suggest some resources I can use to find them?

Chase Amante's picture

D.C. House Clubs

Author

Hey Pellaeon,

Hard to say, as I haven't spent more than a few days here and there in D.C. since leaving in mid-2007. My old stomping ground was a nightclub called Five in Dupont Circle, right next to ESL; that place was heaven for beginner-me. But it's been closed down for years; replaced with a sports bar in '08 or '09 (crime of the century, in my opinion).

A quick browse of Yelp for "house music clubs" shows some promise with Town Danceboutique and DC9. Looks like both have multiple levels, lots of people open to meeting new people, enough attractive women in attendance, plus their fair share of gay guys in attendance, which was also the case with Five, and the places I liked in San Diego... heck, most good house club pick up spots around the world, really; women tend to get both very open to new people and very horny when there are a lot of teasing, flirty gay men around who won't actually put out. Makes it easy to swoop in and snag the pretty girls who've been being turned on all night, but not satisfied. Of course, you've got to be comfortable being cool with flirty gay guys yourself, but usually the worst you'll have to deal with are offers to buy you a drink or somebody pinching your ass.

I'd probably start by checking those out on a Friday or Saturday night; I don't know them, so don't want to promise you anything (don't be too mad if you go and it's all gay guys and ugly girls; sometimes that happens!), but your best bet's to do some exploring, and check out even the places that don't sound all that great. That's how you find the diamonds in the rough.

Chase

Pellaeon's picture

Thanks!


Thanks Chase! That helps out a lot, Ill check them out.

Tritium's picture

DC Locations


Hey, I live in DC as well and was going to ask the same question. I love ambient and house music, so I'd love to know of some places that play it, even if I'm not always planning to pick up there. The only place I've found so far is ESL. Suggestions Chase?

Estate's picture

Every guy should be reading this


I don't have too much to add but a little commentary. I love this article so much.

I used to be into PUA a long time ago and just gave up on it, something didn't sit right. Despite some success if made me feel worse than ever if I didn't get "that one girl" every guy in the place was looking at, despite lots more success than I ever had before.

This never sat right with me, and I ended up leaving all the PUA forums I read as I got into this conversation over and over... that surely every venue, every girl, every time of day, every situation, was NOT all the same. Surely there wasn't an exact formula that applies to all these variables and works every time. PUA companies often tell it like this and even if you get success initially, you fail like an even bigger failure as you're told that EVERY failure is YOUR fault, YOU did something wrong to mess it up.

That never cut it for me. I REALLY wish I could show this post to every young guy who takes up PUA or reads the Game. There are a lot of variables in pickup. My local Irish pub is not the same as the dance club downtown. The girl in the bookstore at 2pm on Tuesday probably has a different personality and priorities to the girl in the bar at 10pm and even that same bar girl by 2am. You can't paint everything with the same brush.

It's all about practice. Accept, you can't win EVERY girl but when the opportunity is there that you CAN, you want to be experienced enough to know HOW and not mess up.

Although I know this is strictly not a PUA blog, it is still a seduction blog but it's the first place I've ever visited that tells it like it is, allows guys to practice without feeling bad over failures and accepts that you can't win every girl but can learn the skills and pick your targets. I've way over-simplified the content of this post but really, my main point it... it's real, it's down to earth, it feels more real to me than the material out there elsewhere. Love it. Every guy should read this.

Chase Amante's picture

"Every Girl's the Same"

Author

Hey Estate,

Yeah, that's a weird mentality that gets thrown around a lot in PUA circles. "Every girl's the same (at the core)" and "You should be able to pick up everywhere."

Generally speaking, it's advisable to be wary of anyone who talks in absolutes. "Always" is almost always wrong, and "never" is almost never correct.

Anyway, there's a lot bragging and showboating and dick-measuring contests that go on in PUA circles, which is probably where most of that comes from. "Oh, you mean you can't pick up girls on motorcycles when you're twenty feet over in the carpool lane doing 65 MPH? Clearly, you haven't realized that you can pick up ANY woman, ANY where yet! You still have some more learning to do, my young paduwan!"

Which isn't to say that's an excuse for not succeeding... while some venues are easier than others, there are still people who ski the black diamond. It just means different difficulty levels, different approaches, and what works in one place may not perfectly correspond to somewhere else (which you're also talking about in your comment).

Guys tend to specialize, too; one guy might be PRO at scooping girls out of art galleries when there are only a few attractive women around, where other guys won't gain any traction at all, but that same guy sinks in a house party where other guys pick up with ease. It mostly depends on where you get your experience, and what things you learn to do well.

You can certainly train yourself to have increasingly flexible game that translates well among multiple scenarios, venues, and styles of women; this is where fundamentals come in, since they're more or less universal. But most guys won't ever have the need to get good picking up women at ALL of work, nightclubs, cocktail lounges, book stores, and street, unless this is a real passion or something they're really trying to master as many facets as possible of; for most guys, targeting a handful of these is going to be enough to get them the women they want... and then some.

Chase

Eric Reeves's picture

Highway Game


I'd like to add to this that highway pickups are incredibly frustrating. Often you'll find hot beautiful women driving, but again, they are driving.

They never freaking look.

I've had so many times where I've been driving next to a girl but she's way too busy with both hands on the steering wheel and focusing ahead. They don't even check their blind spots.

Waving my hands around vivasciously isn't working. Maybe I'll try honking sometime. Will have to make the phone number hand signal so they don't think it's an emergency.

Hmm..

Or maybe you could pre-open by driving in front to her 2pm, with your hand out the window. Of course you'll have to have great fundamentals like great driving posture and a shiny watch to outwit the competition (those lousy playboys with their top-down convertibles). Then you slow down and make eye contact, effectively catching her checking out your awesome arm.

Hopefully some jerk doesn't try to AMOG you.

Balla's picture

Making numbers more than numbers/ picking up black girls


Hey chase, glad you wrote this. I haven't been able to read the whole thing but I want to know when you get a girls number from a club or bar how do you get these girls out? They just play games and it goes nowhere for me.

And chase I would like to know how I can make your game work for a black guy like me because honestly I can't see myself saying or doing something's you write just because I feel it doesn't fit my character and the game works better for different females(not really black). It's really great advice don't get me wrong. I just want to know how I can use your stuff and make it more fitted for a black man picking up black women. Thanks

P.s. reading the question #3 on the first comment. I saw resturant mentioned and wanted to know how can I pick up a waitress?

Chase Amante's picture

Numbers & black girls

Author

Hey Balla,

Clubs and bars are REALLY better for same night pulls than they are for phone numbers. Phone numbers are just a lot less reliable gathered from these places than they are from elsewhere. It's an emotional dissonance thing; when she met you, she was full of energy and bouncing around - you try texting or calling her later the next day, and she sees your name and thinks, "Oh, I REALLY don't have the mood to deal with a club guy right now."

The way around this is by having much calmer interactions in bars and clubs, so that when she gets your text or call later it feels natural to talk to you, and not like she's going to have to gearshift into overdrive simply to communicate. You'll also generally find that shorter interactions (within reason; e.g., 7 to 12 minutes or so) lend themselves to more reliable phone numbers than longer ones (girls frequently end up disappointed if you talk to them in a bar for an hour and don't take them home; you usually don't hear from them again after that).

On black girls, I've picked up plenty of black girls using the same things I talk about all over the site. In fact, some of the girls I had the most early success with were black girls. Chase framing works best with black girls; you have to tone it down a bit with white girls or Asian girls most of the time, and sometimes they don't get it at all; but when you break it out on a black girl, you're off to the races.

Newer guys tend to have problems with learning a lot of stuff, NOT trying it, and then just saying to themselves, "I don't think that would work for me," or they try it out once or twice, it doesn't go perfectly, and they throw their hands up and say, "There, see? I tried it. Didn't work."

You've really just got to go out, take stuff you're not comfortable doing that you want to try out, and do it until its comfortable. Once it's comfortable, you can decide if it gets you better results than whatever you used to do, worse results, or if you have ideas or know of anything else you can use that'll work better.

Standing at the top of the ski slope and listening to an instructor tell you how to ski though, and saying, "Look, that might work for other guys but I'm kind of lanky so I probably won't be able ski like that," really doesn't get you anywhere... you don't get any permission to speculate on what will or will not work until you're at LEAST at the intermediate level of things. That's the point where you really start to realize you have no idea how something's going to work until you try it out.

I used to think nighttime street game must be impossibly difficult to pull off... how are you just going to walk up to girls on the street and ask them to come home with you like that? So, I didn't do it for years.

Then I started doing it, and found out it was probably one of the easiest ways to pick up, period. Mind = blown.

There's a lot of stuff like that in seduction... even if you're a pro, there's plenty you THINK won't work, until you try it out and realize what you thought was completely wrong.

So, try it. And don't give up after one or two tries; do it until you're comfortable with it. Then assess where you're at.

On waitresses... I'll add it to the post queue!

Chase

Anonymous's picture

Chase, its really cool that


Chase, its really cool that in this article you laid out your nightgame process. What I would love to see is a detailed post on daygame and your proces for that.

Thanks chase!

Ali's picture

There is actually an article


There is actually an article already on the day game. Search the blog.

Chase Amante's picture

Day Game

Author

Hey Anon,

Ricardus has a couple of fantastic articles on this already here:

Using Day Game to Get Girls: 14 Myths Debunked

Day Pick Up: Take Girls from Street to Bed in a Snap

Have a look through those - I think you'll find they've got exactly what you're looking for.

Best,
Chase

Vaughn 's picture

Scared to talk to girls,don't know what to say,nighttime pick up


Chase! Hello.

I hate Doing cold approaches man, it's like my heart is beating so fast. I actually do feel scared to talk to girls as embarrassing as that sounds. How can I not be afraid of cold approach girls? When I am about to approach I think of what the hell should I say and then I think it'll be lame so I won't say anything. How do I solve that?
Also I read that you said nighttime street pick up is easy, how do you bring a girl from street to home?

Thank you chase for everything I'm addicted to your site!!!!!!

Chase Amante's picture

Approach Anxiety & Nighttime Street Game

Author

Howdy Vaughn,

Actually have a couple of articles up on these already:

Overcoming Approach Anxiety

Nighttime Street Game

Thinking they ought to do the trick!

Chase

anon's picture

hi chase i have been reading


hi chase i have been reading your posts for quite some time now ,but it is like my progress is stalled.like i always feel like i need more and more information before i start making friends and lovers.i feel that if i read more and more of your articles it could improve the quality and probability of my friendships and relationships,but i am afraid it has left kind of paralyzed with info is there any way out of this?

Chase Amante's picture

Analysis Paralysis

Author

Hey Anon,

This is something called "analysis paralysis," and it's basically where you're turning something over and over again in your head so much that you get stuck in place. You become an expert on paper, but you can't actually perform in real life. It's like reading a bunch of books about how to play tennis without ever picking up a racket; you probably know theory pretty well, but don't have the practical real world experience (and you might even be terrified to start serving).

Only thing you can do about it? Start taking action.

If you check out the new forum, we have a Newbie Assignment on the Beginners Board that a bunch of guys have started doing. The first guy to tackle it and complete it took two new girls to bed in the course of his couple of weeks of doing. It starts out easy, and builds up to more challenging; I'd recommend checking that out and possibly starting a journal to chronicle your outings and get some public accountability, too.

The forum's here:

www.girlschase.com/boards

Also, I didn't approve your additional comments here simply because there were a bunch of them and none were especially related to the article at hand. You can pose these questions on the forum, and you'll receive answers not just from me, but from a bunch of guys, and you can probably even get better answers there than I'd be able to give you on some of the questions you had, like those on majors and on living locations.

Cheers,
Chase

Robby's picture

suggestion for next


Hi Chase,

Excellent article. I loved the breakdown of all the different venues and the details that ensued.

I have a suggestion for your next post which actually does coincide with this article. This is also something I feel you've hardly discussed (I've read your book and most posts on this site going back a year and a half or so)- that is the subject of over drinking.

I actually think you wrote a week ago that one of your goals was to limit your alcohol consumption, however, you didn't mention much on what you did to overcome.

I feel I have pretty good game and a decent success rate- when I'm actively approaching that is! However, most nights I go out I succumb to drinking too much. Whether its because my friends are drunks, I'm a drunk, or maybe I feel I need to get into a little bit more of the zone... flawed logic i know...

I've tried setting a number of drinks I won't surpass, but it doesn't always work especially when your buddies are ordering jack and cokes like its nobody's business. And then it's your turn to get the next round...

Bottom line: please elaborate on what you did to overcome this and if you have any suggestions for what I'm assuming is a common problem for a lot of readers on this site.

Thanks!

Robby's picture

elaborate on house club


Could you also elaborate a little more on what exactly defines a house club? Your description was very vague and sounded all too similar to a players club that's not as 'main stream' and plays more ambient/chill electronic music. I'm assuming from your descriptions those are the only differences?

Also, your advice and logic of going after women that are sort of "dressed-down" is absolutely brilliant and I don't think I've ever heard anyone say that before.

oh and to add to my post above, I did realize that you mentioned a little bit in the article about the pitfalls of over-drinking. so if you could muster up a more detailed post in the near future that would be excellent.

Chase Amante's picture

Overdrinking / House Clubs

Author

Hey Robby,

Actually, probably the best thing I did to quit overdrinking was stop going out so much with friends who drink a lot!

When I go out to pickup, I pretty much just go out alone. Otherwise, it's a social outing. When you're out with friends who drink a lot, if you also drink, just assume you're going to drink a lot too. It's very hard to control in those situations, unless you're going to say "no" altogether. You can nurse your drink, but usually everyone there wants to get drunk and wants you to too, and they'll be encouraging you to keep up.

My recommendation is treating outings with your friends as one thing, and outings to meet girls as something else, and don't worry about mixing the two. If you're there for friends and drinking, drink away; if you're there for girls, go alone or with one buddy who's on the level, and stick to just a couple drinks all night, and simply nurse the heck out of them.

On differentiating what I'm defining as player's clubs from house music clubs, mainly it's the music (a house club plays ambient / house), the lighting (house clubs tend to be dimmer and dingier; player's clubs are brighter), and the feel (a player's club feels more open and friendly; a house club feels more hidden and secretive and underground).

Chase

Kb's picture

Sticking points


Hey Chase. Really great article you got here. I'd like to thank you quite a bit(quite a lot actually), my game, overall vibe and inner game have improved TREMENDOUSLY in the 3 months I've been on this site.

I went from the guy who was almost afraid of going out and when he did, he had to get really drunk to even talk to girls and rarely got lucky( a lay or two a year) to the guy who can approach in EVERY circumstance(just the other day, I successfully picked up and got the number of this cute, bubbly girl that started working at the bank where I keep my very limited funds) and feels perfectly in control in social situations. I can see that the way people who know me treat me now is very different than they did before and apparently I exude an aura of confidence that's very attractive(one of my coworkers who has a boyfriend told me this), and I have you to thank almost entirely(Ricardus gets his share of thanks too) for this.

Anyways, I seem to have run into a couple recurring problems that are hurting my game.

Problem #1
I have no trouble picking up alone in the day. It's actually my preferred style of pickup since the flake rate is much lower. Public transit is great for this.
I have no trouble going out alone at night either and picking up, however I take rejections a bit more personally than when I'm with a buddy and can laugh about it with him and take a bit longer to recover and go for the next approach. I still manage to pick up when out alone, I'd just like to have the rejections I face not faze me at all like when I'm with a friend I can go back to after a failed attempt.

Problem #2
This is a bit more of an issue pertaining to night game and my logistics handling. I frequent 2-3 places where I always get beautiful girls interested, intrigued and trying to steal kisses from me. 2 divebars and one hip-hop dance club. Problem is that these venues generally attract college students. Students generally = roommates and generally bad logistics. I'm a student myself and my logistics situation is terrible. I live about 35 minutes from the nightlife area by public transit in a not so reputable neighborhood. The late night public transit is terrible here(we're talking 30+ minutes waiting time here), and it's also very cold (Montreal, Canada), so you have what amounts to an hour of travelling to getting a girl back to my place. I've done it a couple times, but what happens more often is that the girl goes cold(literally and figuratively) in that hour and her emotions do a complete 360. Most of the time, my seduction effort falls short while waiting for the bus.

Cabbing works pretty well here, but it is not sustainable in my life right now. The night rates are astronomical and as a struggling college student who tries to go out and pull almost every night, I'd soon be living in the streets if I was cabbing every other night back.

So what I really need is a way to go back to HER place. I tried your "got any food at your place?" a few times and while it works with more socially attuned girls, most of the people my age(19) really aren't at that level and just see that as you trying to get free food.

I was wondering if you had any ways to suggest to her that you're going back to her place that while still subtle, will let a not so socially savvy girl know exactly what you are saying without coming out and saying it directly.

I'd also like more advice specifically on asking girls to come home with you.

Problem #3

My kisses to lay ratio is terrible. I don't know if this is because of logistics or what, but it is what it is. I can pull girls, get them investing, get them moving with me, get them chasing, kiss them and get them all hot and bothered, but they would rarely leave with me. When they did, the bus wait screwed everything over.

The only girls I've turned from kiss in a bar/club to lay happened when we hopped on a cab, and I managed to keep them in that excited mood through kino and kissing. Like I said previously though, taxis are pretty much a luxury for me and taking one generally means my nutrition quality for that week is going down lol.

Anyways, this was quite longer than I expected, thanks for taking the time to read this wall-o-text.

Thanks again to you and Ricardus, I'd still be twiddling my thumbs and not getting any action like so many other guys if it wasn't for this awesome website. I'll definitely subscribe as soon as it goes up, the value I get from this site is worth way more than 20 odd dollars. Good to see you trying to elevate this site to even greater heights, looking forward to future posts.

@Robby
http://www.girlschase.com/content/sex-and-alcohol

That article is all about the whole alcohol thing.

Cheers

Chase Amante's picture

Rejections, Extractions, and Kisses

Author

Hi KB,

Very cool to hear what a change you’ve made in only 3 months. That’s a big swing to make in a short amount of time – stands as a testament to the amount of focus you’ve probably been putting in.

Becoming inured to rejection in night game is pretty similar to anywhere else; the more you face it, typically, the less it bugs you. Chances are you’ve seen it already if you’ve been reading the blog for a few months, but the article on rejection covers this fairly in-depth:

How to Act When a Girl Rejects You

One of the easiest ways to shrug this off in night game is to simply stand there, shrug your eyebrows a bit and make a dramatic face like, “Who knew?” Robert Downey Jr. does this wonderfully. You kind of poke fun at the rejection, and it makes it a lot easier imagining and imitating Downey Jr. or Groucho Marx making an exaggerated expression like that and realizing that even at the peak of their careers, they no doubt find/found themselves rejected by women too.

On getting back to her place – I’ll do a post on that one, probably pretty soon. Should make for a reasonably short but good topic to cover.

On kissing – read this article, with an eye out specifically for the sexual kiss transition:

How to Kiss a Girl Like No One's Ever Kissed Her Before

Kissing girls before you get them home can shoot your chances in the foot somewhat – my advice is, if you start feeling like you can kiss them, don’t, and take them home instead. Kissing is actually a “release outlet” for sexual tension… doing it somewhere you can’t transition that tension very quickly from kissing to sex makes the kissing serve as a release for the tension, making the girl view things more logically and less emotionally, and giving her a lot less need to accompany you home for sex (unless she’s logically decided to do so… which most women never do).

Chase

James's picture

Hey Chase, Any favorite house


Hey Chase,

Any favorite house music clubs in NYC?

James

Chase Amante's picture

House Clubs in NYC

Author

Hey James,

I'm afraid I can't be much help there - I haven't been since 2007. Back then, Webster Hall and Exit Club were both pretty good, but I don't recall what kind of music they played and I'm not even sure if they're still open (or still popular). You might have to do some exploring... but that's half the fun ;)

Chase

Johnson's picture

Hey chase can you lead me to


Hey chase

can you lead me to the article you wrote a while ago. In it you described two scenarios; 1 approaching a girl directly and she would have really high expectations of you based on your approach 2 making eye contact then slowly making your way around to her.

che's picture

sprezzatura


i believe you're looking for this, johnson-

http://www.girlschase.com/content/sprezzatura-effort-and-investing

GoldBug's picture

"Where are your friends?"


Hi Chase,

Had my first REAL pickup attempt session last night out at the Melbourne clubs and it went surprisingly well (I had low expectations). The funny thing is I only started approaching after 2:30am when my friends had left, so I'm thinking I could do better given the time.

Summary:
- 10 Approaches (4 at the bar, 4 outside the club, 1 at Mc Donalds, and 1 who I shared a taxi ride home with).
- 4 numbers
- 2 dates lined up
- 1 follow-up message from one of the girls who is already chasing :)

Firstly- thanks!
Because utilising your strategies to overcome resistance and having some bang-on fundamentals (new for me) kept my head above water where I would have sunk instantly without the advice of your blog. It has truly bown my mind.

The other thing I noticed, after sharpening my fundamentals and fashion sense I can get away with chatting up club queens and door girls without getting told to "F-OFF". I remember getting scowed at by bouncers and door girls just for looking at them. Anyway, felt good, like people expect your important or something ;).

So anyway... The question:
Can you do a post, or reply to this message outlining the best way to tackle the question asked by every girl I spoke to "where are your friends??". I told them that "I was at a birthday and I'm on my way home but saw you and had to say hello" (or something). Would you recommend something like this, as to not seem like a loan predator roaming the clubs and streets at 3am lol.

-Bug

Ian's picture

Chase, Two quick


Chase,
Two quick questions:
First, what's your opinion on going out alone/without a wingman? Do you find that it usually helps or hurt any major aspects of pickup?

Second, do you suggest any particular venues for over-18, under-21s?
Thanks!

Schaefer Jones's picture

UK House.


Chase,

I would like to say thank you for this article. You certainly know what you are talking about in comparison to many other PUA resource online.

Now, heres the thing; I am just getting into the club scene again, after a long period of inconsistency. In the past, I have successfully gotten numbers from women in clubs and my day/street game is pretty satisfactory for me (I tend to enjoy meeting people, some refer to me as quite an happy chap).

I want to know if your endorsement/recommendation of House Clubs in the US could also include House/Garage Clubs in the UK. As I have just recently gotten back in the Pub/Club scene I am quite clueless on figuring out the great Meet Markets, I would like to know your thoughts on this?

Expecting your reply.

S Jones.

Anonymous's picture

House Club


What exactly is a house club? I love in Los Angeles.

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