How to Pick Up Girls in Bars and Clubs | Girls Chase

How to Pick Up Girls in Bars and Clubs

Recently we've been getting a lot of comments from guys asking how to pick up girls at bars and nightclubs. I've even had a few commenters on here asking if any of the material on Girls Chase works in nighttime venues.

Well, that's funny to me, because almost everything I discuss on here was developed, tried, and tested first in bars and clubs.

pick up girls in bars and clubs

In fact, to this day, these remain my preferred venue type for picking up. You won't find girlfriend-quality girls hanging out much in these places... and you'll even find some downright crazy girls at times.

But if you want to pull off quick pickups and bring girls home within hours or minutes of meeting them... if you want to put yourself in a venue where much of the screening is already done, and a healthy chunk of the women there are looking for something right now... and if you want to really train and hone and test and refine your skills and abilities with women in a fast-paced, ultra-competitive, extreme-as-extreme-gets environment, bars and clubs are it.

Now if all that appeals to you, well... where do you begin?

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his Mastery Package.

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Comments

Funman's picture

Waaow once again so much detail. I would have to read this article several times to completely absorb everything.

Questions about night game.

1) What is your opinion about people recommending be "mr. social/ life of the party guy/ working the room etc? If you recommend it, for which venue would this be good.

2) Have you written an article on winning over the group?

3) Have you done pick up in restaurants which have bars with them?

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Hey Funman,

On being Mr. Social, you can do this at the outset of the night, and it can be effective for establishing some early contact with lots of people and for getting you moving, but you've got to be focused on finding girls you like who are receptive to you and hunkering down with them. It's easy to fall into the trap of "social butterflying," and at that point you've built so much steam under you meeting new people that you can't stop even when you run into a cute girl who's into you.

I do have a post on groups, although I throw out the "win over the group" idea in it: 5 Essential Insights on How to Meet Girls in Groups.

On restaurants with bars, I'd say treat that similar to how you'd treat a hotel bar. Basically, unless it's pretty crowded, pick a spot at the bar near some attractive women and get into conversations. These are typically slim pickings and I doubt you'd want to make a restaurant bar your staple; but, there are always exceptions.

Chase

Davido_€'s picture

Hi Chase,
You are such a genius, if this site is all you have to offer mankind, then trust me when I say you are my hero. You write in a very simple English manner.
Looking back at my successes in the club environment, it looks like some dating economic is at play here, I call it law of demand and supply.
Dance club has a higher supply curve than demand hence the validation is too much for women. When I sit in that cool spot at the club, I see too many guys bouncing in and just some few women.
To buttress your point, I looked back and realized the lays I got from dance clubs have been girls I met in the 15 mins window before the start of the club, at that stage demand and supply are at a point of equilibrium. This made me angry when I hear women saying guys are desperate, women are more horny and desperate than guys. When a woman begs you to f..k her at the back of the car seat when she is ovulating and when you say no there will be blood stain on my car seat and I don't have energy to wash this car and she responds by saying look.....pulling out a piece of baby wipe, it's not much blood, I have cleaned it, baby please and when you still insist on your NO, she swings the door open with a cigarette in her hand and slams the door close in a manner that thumps your chest, then you have an idea what am talking about.
I was at the dance club 2 times when it was virtually empty like 10 girls and 4 guys because we didn't realize there was a big event at another club, and guess what those were the only time I got IOI's with very strong desperate high contact and at one time one girl was dancing away from her group of friends with two steps backward to me since I stood behind them and she was looking back with some lovely sexy smile many times and when she realized her isolated body positioning from the group she would move one step forward again.
Now my problem is the only clubs I have around me are dance clubs with all the social trappings you listed, how do I circumvent this, and sometimes been the only black guy in a club of almost 400 white blonde swedes, the ones that are truly interested have bought into that group social conditioning of since my friends are not with any black guys, why should I. I just hate it when I walk into any bar or club and all eyes are on me like some alien. I wish I lived in England or USA, because my game before now was at an intermediate level and reading some of your articles, my sticking points have been resolved even though not fully tested in real life scenarios. It's hard to move away from here since I have a son with a Swedish girl already.....chase I need your expertise here. I hold long conversation like 1-2hr with cute blonde girls and 3 times gone home with them directly from the street without having any sex though, because as a black guy here, you just can't be too careful, if you know what I mean.....
I have been to bigger cities like Stockholm, Malmo and Gothenburg but it's same thing, dance clubs, electro music...loud and socially charged with little or no room for any real meaningful game apart from making out, I don't want to make out and get herpes or chlamydia, if I get them through sex then it's fair enough.
NOTE: I live in a small town of around 82,000 people, day game if done too much I may become "that guy", and it's fucking cold here not much game for many months outside and when I as a black guy try to do it in a shopping mall, you know am calling for trouble...this is a complete state of crinkum crankum. I know you are wondering how can you be the only black guy in the club, well many black migrants are locked out of the job market with little or no economic power to socialize, am just happy I've got a good paying job to bare the entry cost, drinks and taxi and when am not drinking I drive.

Ali's picture

Wow ! Thanks a lot for this article Chase. The article goes deep into the topic and answers all of the questions. Even more!

Another great article...Bookmarked!

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Glad you liked it, Ali!

Chase

Salvatore's picture

Peruvian, nice catch!

Wonderful article as always. I wish I had this 2 or 3 years ago, would have stopped making out in the night clubs so much. Unless the girl is absolutely 100% obsessed with you, yeah, I find it better to physically escalate in private.

I'm generally less experienced with relationships having been a night game type of guy myself, so here is a question for you Mr. Chase. I went over the relationship posts quickly and didn't find the answer. Link me up if I'm mistaken.

Is it a bad idea to ask the girl to be in a relationship? Does that come off like you are chasing for one? The girl that I am seeing is definitely more on the shy side, and I have been an alpha, leading the interaction in every which way and form. I don't see her asking for one on that basis- she's probably waiting for me to ask for one. And I'm definitely not falling into a relationship: she's my type, I like her, been physical, all of this has been amplified by going into the field and dating other girls at the same time. You get the idea.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Hi Salvatore,

Hmm, yeah; I'm not sure if there is something on here yet that deals with having "relationship talks" or not.

For sure though, you DON'T want to *ask* a girl to be in a relationship with you. The general pattern in dating and mating is men chase sex, women chase relationships. Instead, it's typically better to just increase the amount of time you're spending with her, and at some point if you introduce her to people, introduce her as your girlfriend.

Doing it that way is a much more potent way of doing things; then instead of you coming across as if you aren't sure whether she wants to date you / need to put the ball in her court, you rather communicate that you assume that of COURSE the two of you are an item, and you're not even worried about it or thinking about it. Most girls thrill when you're clearly in charge of the relationship but they don't really know what the status is, and then they hear you refer to them as your "girlfriend" to someone.

Chase

Pellaeon's picture

Hey Chase, I currently reside in DC, and I have no clue how I would go about finding House clubs. Can you name any specific places you went to or suggest some resources I can use to find them?

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Hey Pellaeon,

Hard to say, as I haven't spent more than a few days here and there in D.C. since leaving in mid-2007. My old stomping ground was a nightclub called Five in Dupont Circle, right next to ESL; that place was heaven for beginner-me. But it's been closed down for years; replaced with a sports bar in '08 or '09 (crime of the century, in my opinion).

A quick browse of Yelp for "house music clubs" shows some promise with Town Danceboutique and DC9. Looks like both have multiple levels, lots of people open to meeting new people, enough attractive women in attendance, plus their fair share of gay guys in attendance, which was also the case with Five, and the places I liked in San Diego... heck, most good house club pick up spots around the world, really; women tend to get both very open to new people and very horny when there are a lot of teasing, flirty gay men around who won't actually put out. Makes it easy to swoop in and snag the pretty girls who've been being turned on all night, but not satisfied. Of course, you've got to be comfortable being cool with flirty gay guys yourself, but usually the worst you'll have to deal with are offers to buy you a drink or somebody pinching your ass.

I'd probably start by checking those out on a Friday or Saturday night; I don't know them, so don't want to promise you anything (don't be too mad if you go and it's all gay guys and ugly girls; sometimes that happens!), but your best bet's to do some exploring, and check out even the places that don't sound all that great. That's how you find the diamonds in the rough.

Chase

Pellaeon's picture

Thanks Chase! That helps out a lot, Ill check them out.

Tritium's picture

Hey, I live in DC as well and was going to ask the same question. I love ambient and house music, so I'd love to know of some places that play it, even if I'm not always planning to pick up there. The only place I've found so far is ESL. Suggestions Chase?

Estate's picture

I don't have too much to add but a little commentary. I love this article so much.

I used to be into PUA a long time ago and just gave up on it, something didn't sit right. Despite some success if made me feel worse than ever if I didn't get "that one girl" every guy in the place was looking at, despite lots more success than I ever had before.

This never sat right with me, and I ended up leaving all the PUA forums I read as I got into this conversation over and over... that surely every venue, every girl, every time of day, every situation, was NOT all the same. Surely there wasn't an exact formula that applies to all these variables and works every time. PUA companies often tell it like this and even if you get success initially, you fail like an even bigger failure as you're told that EVERY failure is YOUR fault, YOU did something wrong to mess it up.

That never cut it for me. I REALLY wish I could show this post to every young guy who takes up PUA or reads the Game. There are a lot of variables in pickup. My local Irish pub is not the same as the dance club downtown. The girl in the bookstore at 2pm on Tuesday probably has a different personality and priorities to the girl in the bar at 10pm and even that same bar girl by 2am. You can't paint everything with the same brush.

It's all about practice. Accept, you can't win EVERY girl but when the opportunity is there that you CAN, you want to be experienced enough to know HOW and not mess up.

Although I know this is strictly not a PUA blog, it is still a seduction blog but it's the first place I've ever visited that tells it like it is, allows guys to practice without feeling bad over failures and accepts that you can't win every girl but can learn the skills and pick your targets. I've way over-simplified the content of this post but really, my main point it... it's real, it's down to earth, it feels more real to me than the material out there elsewhere. Love it. Every guy should read this.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Hey Estate,

Yeah, that's a weird mentality that gets thrown around a lot in PUA circles. "Every girl's the same (at the core)" and "You should be able to pick up everywhere."

Generally speaking, it's advisable to be wary of anyone who talks in absolutes. "Always" is almost always wrong, and "never" is almost never correct.

Anyway, there's a lot bragging and showboating and dick-measuring contests that go on in PUA circles, which is probably where most of that comes from. "Oh, you mean you can't pick up girls on motorcycles when you're twenty feet over in the carpool lane doing 65 MPH? Clearly, you haven't realized that you can pick up ANY woman, ANY where yet! You still have some more learning to do, my young paduwan!"

Which isn't to say that's an excuse for not succeeding... while some venues are easier than others, there are still people who ski the black diamond. It just means different difficulty levels, different approaches, and what works in one place may not perfectly correspond to somewhere else (which you're also talking about in your comment).

Guys tend to specialize, too; one guy might be PRO at scooping girls out of art galleries when there are only a few attractive women around, where other guys won't gain any traction at all, but that same guy sinks in a house party where other guys pick up with ease. It mostly depends on where you get your experience, and what things you learn to do well.

You can certainly train yourself to have increasingly flexible game that translates well among multiple scenarios, venues, and styles of women; this is where fundamentals come in, since they're more or less universal. But most guys won't ever have the need to get good picking up women at ALL of work, nightclubs, cocktail lounges, book stores, and street, unless this is a real passion or something they're really trying to master as many facets as possible of; for most guys, targeting a handful of these is going to be enough to get them the women they want... and then some.

Chase

Eric Reeves's picture

I'd like to add to this that highway pickups are incredibly frustrating. Often you'll find hot beautiful women driving, but again, they are driving.

They never freaking look.

I've had so many times where I've been driving next to a girl but she's way too busy with both hands on the steering wheel and focusing ahead. They don't even check their blind spots.

Waving my hands around vivasciously isn't working. Maybe I'll try honking sometime. Will have to make the phone number hand signal so they don't think it's an emergency.

Hmm..

Or maybe you could pre-open by driving in front to her 2pm, with your hand out the window. Of course you'll have to have great fundamentals like great driving posture and a shiny watch to outwit the competition (those lousy playboys with their top-down convertibles). Then you slow down and make eye contact, effectively catching her checking out your awesome arm.

Hopefully some jerk doesn't try to AMOG you.

Balla's picture

Hey chase, glad you wrote this. I haven't been able to read the whole thing but I want to know when you get a girls number from a club or bar how do you get these girls out? They just play games and it goes nowhere for me.

And chase I would like to know how I can make your game work for a black guy like me because honestly I can't see myself saying or doing something's you write just because I feel it doesn't fit my character and the game works better for different females(not really black). It's really great advice don't get me wrong. I just want to know how I can use your stuff and make it more fitted for a black man picking up black women. Thanks

P.s. reading the question #3 on the first comment. I saw resturant mentioned and wanted to know how can I pick up a waitress?

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Hey Balla,

Clubs and bars are REALLY better for same night pulls than they are for phone numbers. Phone numbers are just a lot less reliable gathered from these places than they are from elsewhere. It's an emotional dissonance thing; when she met you, she was full of energy and bouncing around - you try texting or calling her later the next day, and she sees your name and thinks, "Oh, I REALLY don't have the mood to deal with a club guy right now."

The way around this is by having much calmer interactions in bars and clubs, so that when she gets your text or call later it feels natural to talk to you, and not like she's going to have to gearshift into overdrive simply to communicate. You'll also generally find that shorter interactions (within reason; e.g., 7 to 12 minutes or so) lend themselves to more reliable phone numbers than longer ones (girls frequently end up disappointed if you talk to them in a bar for an hour and don't take them home; you usually don't hear from them again after that).

On black girls, I've picked up plenty of black girls using the same things I talk about all over the site. In fact, some of the girls I had the most early success with were black girls. Chase framing works best with black girls; you have to tone it down a bit with white girls or Asian girls most of the time, and sometimes they don't get it at all; but when you break it out on a black girl, you're off to the races.

Newer guys tend to have problems with learning a lot of stuff, NOT trying it, and then just saying to themselves, "I don't think that would work for me," or they try it out once or twice, it doesn't go perfectly, and they throw their hands up and say, "There, see? I tried it. Didn't work."

You've really just got to go out, take stuff you're not comfortable doing that you want to try out, and do it until its comfortable. Once it's comfortable, you can decide if it gets you better results than whatever you used to do, worse results, or if you have ideas or know of anything else you can use that'll work better.

Standing at the top of the ski slope and listening to an instructor tell you how to ski though, and saying, "Look, that might work for other guys but I'm kind of lanky so I probably won't be able ski like that," really doesn't get you anywhere... you don't get any permission to speculate on what will or will not work until you're at LEAST at the intermediate level of things. That's the point where you really start to realize you have no idea how something's going to work until you try it out.

I used to think nighttime street game must be impossibly difficult to pull off... how are you just going to walk up to girls on the street and ask them to come home with you like that? So, I didn't do it for years.

Then I started doing it, and found out it was probably one of the easiest ways to pick up, period. Mind = blown.

There's a lot of stuff like that in seduction... even if you're a pro, there's plenty you THINK won't work, until you try it out and realize what you thought was completely wrong.

So, try it. And don't give up after one or two tries; do it until you're comfortable with it. Then assess where you're at.

On waitresses... I'll add it to the post queue!

Chase

Anonymous's picture

Chase, its really cool that in this article you laid out your nightgame process. What I would love to see is a detailed post on daygame and your proces for that.

Thanks chase!

Ali's picture

There is actually an article already on the day game. Search the blog.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Hey Anon,

Ricardus has a couple of fantastic articles on this already here:

Using Day Game to Get Girls: 14 Myths Debunked

Day Pick Up: Take Girls from Street to Bed in a Snap

Have a look through those - I think you'll find they've got exactly what you're looking for.

Best,
Chase

Vaughn 's picture

Chase! Hello.

I hate Doing cold approaches man, it's like my heart is beating so fast. I actually do feel scared to talk to girls as embarrassing as that sounds. How can I not be afraid of cold approach girls? When I am about to approach I think of what the hell should I say and then I think it'll be lame so I won't say anything. How do I solve that?
Also I read that you said nighttime street pick up is easy, how do you bring a girl from street to home?

Thank you chase for everything I'm addicted to your site!!!!!!

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Howdy Vaughn,

Actually have a couple of articles up on these already:

Overcoming Approach Anxiety

Nighttime Street Game

Thinking they ought to do the trick!

Chase

anon's picture

hi chase i have been reading your posts for quite some time now ,but it is like my progress is stalled.like i always feel like i need more and more information before i start making friends and lovers.i feel that if i read more and more of your articles it could improve the quality and probability of my friendships and relationships,but i am afraid it has left kind of paralyzed with info is there any way out of this?

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Hey Anon,

This is something called "analysis paralysis," and it's basically where you're turning something over and over again in your head so much that you get stuck in place. You become an expert on paper, but you can't actually perform in real life. It's like reading a bunch of books about how to play tennis without ever picking up a racket; you probably know theory pretty well, but don't have the practical real world experience (and you might even be terrified to start serving).

Only thing you can do about it? Start taking action.

If you check out the new forum, we have a Newbie Assignment on the Beginners Board that a bunch of guys have started doing. The first guy to tackle it and complete it took two new girls to bed in the course of his couple of weeks of doing. It starts out easy, and builds up to more challenging; I'd recommend checking that out and possibly starting a journal to chronicle your outings and get some public accountability, too.

The forum's here:

www.girlschase.com/boards

Also, I didn't approve your additional comments here simply because there were a bunch of them and none were especially related to the article at hand. You can pose these questions on the forum, and you'll receive answers not just from me, but from a bunch of guys, and you can probably even get better answers there than I'd be able to give you on some of the questions you had, like those on majors and on living locations.

Cheers,
Chase

Robby's picture

Hi Chase,

Excellent article. I loved the breakdown of all the different venues and the details that ensued.

I have a suggestion for your next post which actually does coincide with this article. This is also something I feel you've hardly discussed (I've read your book and most posts on this site going back a year and a half or so)- that is the subject of over drinking.

I actually think you wrote a week ago that one of your goals was to limit your alcohol consumption, however, you didn't mention much on what you did to overcome.

I feel I have pretty good game and a decent success rate- when I'm actively approaching that is! However, most nights I go out I succumb to drinking too much. Whether its because my friends are drunks, I'm a drunk, or maybe I feel I need to get into a little bit more of the zone... flawed logic i know...

I've tried setting a number of drinks I won't surpass, but it doesn't always work especially when your buddies are ordering jack and cokes like its nobody's business. And then it's your turn to get the next round...

Bottom line: please elaborate on what you did to overcome this and if you have any suggestions for what I'm assuming is a common problem for a lot of readers on this site.

Thanks!

Robby's picture

Could you also elaborate a little more on what exactly defines a house club? Your description was very vague and sounded all too similar to a players club that's not as 'main stream' and plays more ambient/chill electronic music. I'm assuming from your descriptions those are the only differences?

Also, your advice and logic of going after women that are sort of "dressed-down" is absolutely brilliant and I don't think I've ever heard anyone say that before.

oh and to add to my post above, I did realize that you mentioned a little bit in the article about the pitfalls of over-drinking. so if you could muster up a more detailed post in the near future that would be excellent.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Hey Robby,

Actually, probably the best thing I did to quit overdrinking was stop going out so much with friends who drink a lot!

When I go out to pickup, I pretty much just go out alone. Otherwise, it's a social outing. When you're out with friends who drink a lot, if you also drink, just assume you're going to drink a lot too. It's very hard to control in those situations, unless you're going to say "no" altogether. You can nurse your drink, but usually everyone there wants to get drunk and wants you to too, and they'll be encouraging you to keep up.

My recommendation is treating outings with your friends as one thing, and outings to meet girls as something else, and don't worry about mixing the two. If you're there for friends and drinking, drink away; if you're there for girls, go alone or with one buddy who's on the level, and stick to just a couple drinks all night, and simply nurse the heck out of them.

On differentiating what I'm defining as player's clubs from house music clubs, mainly it's the music (a house club plays ambient / house), the lighting (house clubs tend to be dimmer and dingier; player's clubs are brighter), and the feel (a player's club feels more open and friendly; a house club feels more hidden and secretive and underground).

Chase

Kb's picture

Hey Chase. Really great article you got here. I'd like to thank you quite a bit(quite a lot actually), my game, overall vibe and inner game have improved TREMENDOUSLY in the 3 months I've been on this site.

I went from the guy who was almost afraid of going out and when he did, he had to get really drunk to even talk to girls and rarely got lucky( a lay or two a year) to the guy who can approach in EVERY circumstance(just the other day, I successfully picked up and got the number of this cute, bubbly girl that started working at the bank where I keep my very limited funds) and feels perfectly in control in social situations. I can see that the way people who know me treat me now is very different than they did before and apparently I exude an aura of confidence that's very attractive(one of my coworkers who has a boyfriend told me this), and I have you to thank almost entirely(Ricardus gets his share of thanks too) for this.

Anyways, I seem to have run into a couple recurring problems that are hurting my game.

Problem #1
I have no trouble picking up alone in the day. It's actually my preferred style of pickup since the flake rate is much lower. Public transit is great for this.
I have no trouble going out alone at night either and picking up, however I take rejections a bit more personally than when I'm with a buddy and can laugh about it with him and take a bit longer to recover and go for the next approach. I still manage to pick up when out alone, I'd just like to have the rejections I face not faze me at all like when I'm with a friend I can go back to after a failed attempt.

Problem #2
This is a bit more of an issue pertaining to night game and my logistics handling. I frequent 2-3 places where I always get beautiful girls interested, intrigued and trying to steal kisses from me. 2 divebars and one hip-hop dance club. Problem is that these venues generally attract college students. Students generally = roommates and generally bad logistics. I'm a student myself and my logistics situation is terrible. I live about 35 minutes from the nightlife area by public transit in a not so reputable neighborhood. The late night public transit is terrible here(we're talking 30+ minutes waiting time here), and it's also very cold (Montreal, Canada), so you have what amounts to an hour of travelling to getting a girl back to my place. I've done it a couple times, but what happens more often is that the girl goes cold(literally and figuratively) in that hour and her emotions do a complete 360. Most of the time, my seduction effort falls short while waiting for the bus.

Cabbing works pretty well here, but it is not sustainable in my life right now. The night rates are astronomical and as a struggling college student who tries to go out and pull almost every night, I'd soon be living in the streets if I was cabbing every other night back.

So what I really need is a way to go back to HER place. I tried your "got any food at your place?" a few times and while it works with more socially attuned girls, most of the people my age(19) really aren't at that level and just see that as you trying to get free food.

I was wondering if you had any ways to suggest to her that you're going back to her place that while still subtle, will let a not so socially savvy girl know exactly what you are saying without coming out and saying it directly.

I'd also like more advice specifically on asking girls to come home with you.

Problem #3

My kisses to lay ratio is terrible. I don't know if this is because of logistics or what, but it is what it is. I can pull girls, get them investing, get them moving with me, get them chasing, kiss them and get them all hot and bothered, but they would rarely leave with me. When they did, the bus wait screwed everything over.

The only girls I've turned from kiss in a bar/club to lay happened when we hopped on a cab, and I managed to keep them in that excited mood through kino and kissing. Like I said previously though, taxis are pretty much a luxury for me and taking one generally means my nutrition quality for that week is going down lol.

Anyways, this was quite longer than I expected, thanks for taking the time to read this wall-o-text.

Thanks again to you and Ricardus, I'd still be twiddling my thumbs and not getting any action like so many other guys if it wasn't for this awesome website. I'll definitely subscribe as soon as it goes up, the value I get from this site is worth way more than 20 odd dollars. Good to see you trying to elevate this site to even greater heights, looking forward to future posts.

@Robby
http://www.girlschase.com/content/sex-and-alcohol

That article is all about the whole alcohol thing.

Cheers

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Hi KB,

Very cool to hear what a change you’ve made in only 3 months. That’s a big swing to make in a short amount of time – stands as a testament to the amount of focus you’ve probably been putting in.

Becoming inured to rejection in night game is pretty similar to anywhere else; the more you face it, typically, the less it bugs you. Chances are you’ve seen it already if you’ve been reading the blog for a few months, but the article on rejection covers this fairly in-depth:

How to Act When a Girl Rejects You

One of the easiest ways to shrug this off in night game is to simply stand there, shrug your eyebrows a bit and make a dramatic face like, “Who knew?” Robert Downey Jr. does this wonderfully. You kind of poke fun at the rejection, and it makes it a lot easier imagining and imitating Downey Jr. or Groucho Marx making an exaggerated expression like that and realizing that even at the peak of their careers, they no doubt find/found themselves rejected by women too.

On getting back to her place – I’ll do a post on that one, probably pretty soon. Should make for a reasonably short but good topic to cover.

On kissing – read this article, with an eye out specifically for the sexual kiss transition:

How to Kiss a Girl Like No One's Ever Kissed Her Before

Kissing girls before you get them home can shoot your chances in the foot somewhat – my advice is, if you start feeling like you can kiss them, don’t, and take them home instead. Kissing is actually a “release outlet” for sexual tension… doing it somewhere you can’t transition that tension very quickly from kissing to sex makes the kissing serve as a release for the tension, making the girl view things more logically and less emotionally, and giving her a lot less need to accompany you home for sex (unless she’s logically decided to do so… which most women never do).

Chase

James's picture

Hey Chase,

Any favorite house music clubs in NYC?

James

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Hey James,

I'm afraid I can't be much help there - I haven't been since 2007. Back then, Webster Hall and Exit Club were both pretty good, but I don't recall what kind of music they played and I'm not even sure if they're still open (or still popular). You might have to do some exploring... but that's half the fun ;)

Chase

Johnson's picture

Hey chase

can you lead me to the article you wrote a while ago. In it you described two scenarios; 1 approaching a girl directly and she would have really high expectations of you based on your approach 2 making eye contact then slowly making your way around to her.

che's picture

i believe you're looking for this, johnson-

http://www.girlschase.com/content/sprezzatura-effort-and-investing

GoldBug's picture

Hi Chase,

Had my first REAL pickup attempt session last night out at the Melbourne clubs and it went surprisingly well (I had low expectations). The funny thing is I only started approaching after 2:30am when my friends had left, so I'm thinking I could do better given the time.

Summary:
- 10 Approaches (4 at the bar, 4 outside the club, 1 at Mc Donalds, and 1 who I shared a taxi ride home with).
- 4 numbers
- 2 dates lined up
- 1 follow-up message from one of the girls who is already chasing :)

Firstly- thanks!
Because utilising your strategies to overcome resistance and having some bang-on fundamentals (new for me) kept my head above water where I would have sunk instantly without the advice of your blog. It has truly bown my mind.

The other thing I noticed, after sharpening my fundamentals and fashion sense I can get away with chatting up club queens and door girls without getting told to "F-OFF". I remember getting scowed at by bouncers and door girls just for looking at them. Anyway, felt good, like people expect your important or something ;).

So anyway... The question:
Can you do a post, or reply to this message outlining the best way to tackle the question asked by every girl I spoke to "where are your friends??". I told them that "I was at a birthday and I'm on my way home but saw you and had to say hello" (or something). Would you recommend something like this, as to not seem like a loan predator roaming the clubs and streets at 3am lol.

-Bug

Ian's picture

Chase,
Two quick questions:
First, what's your opinion on going out alone/without a wingman? Do you find that it usually helps or hurt any major aspects of pickup?

Second, do you suggest any particular venues for over-18, under-21s?
Thanks!

Schaefer Jones's picture

Chase,

I would like to say thank you for this article. You certainly know what you are talking about in comparison to many other PUA resource online.

Now, heres the thing; I am just getting into the club scene again, after a long period of inconsistency. In the past, I have successfully gotten numbers from women in clubs and my day/street game is pretty satisfactory for me (I tend to enjoy meeting people, some refer to me as quite an happy chap).

I want to know if your endorsement/recommendation of House Clubs in the US could also include House/Garage Clubs in the UK. As I have just recently gotten back in the Pub/Club scene I am quite clueless on figuring out the great Meet Markets, I would like to know your thoughts on this?

Expecting your reply.

S Jones.

Anonymous's picture

What exactly is a house club? I love in Los Angeles.

Anonymous's picture

Can anyone recommend good house clubs in San Diego/North County area?

James92's picture

Hey Chase. Once again, you've outdone yourself with your masterpiece articles. Since you've spent time in Philly before, would you know the best places for picking up girls around that area? I've searched on Yelp a couple of times, but I'm not sure how much I can trust my judgement on this, since I'm just starting out.

I live in New Jersey; ideally, I'd like to stay around the area for pick up, but I'm willing to go to Philly if there is a location worth the exploration.

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