How to Use Situationally Relevant Openers with Women


“I wonder if that mural is trying to tell us something,” you say to the woman nearby to you while waiting for the train, and she looks at the painting – an image of a thief being beaten by a woman with a handbag – and laughs.

“I think it’s saying, ‘Don’t rob people,’” she responds.

“Good advice,” you say. “Where you headed?”

situational opener

Situationally relevant openers are versatile, simply because they are among the most innocuous openers out there, which makes them perfect for ambiguous situations where you don’t want to convey your interest too strongly. They’re simple enough to get down – just talk about something interesting or relevant in the environment – but there’s some nuance to them, and if you learn it, you have yet another powerful tool in your toolbox for starting conversations with pretty new girls.


An Overview of Situationally Relevant

While it’s long been my opinion that the direct opener is the strongest opener out there, there are some situations in which it’s really just not very practical. I discussed these in “When to Use Direct Openers Versus Situational Openers”, using the example of the girl you’re sitting next to on the bus – where going direct probably isn’t usually going to be advised, since if it doesn’t go well you’re going to have a more or less awkward ride; and even if it does go well, you and she are both going to be under immediate pressure right away to make things continue to go well.

You will generally use situationally relevant in environments where:

  • You and the girl are moving at a slower pace or are stationary (e.g., waiting in line, waiting for a bus or train, sitting next to each other in a café or cafeteria, standing next to one another in a concert, etc.)

  • There is a good deal of social pressure or a lot of social circle activity (e.g., if there are a number of people listening and paying attention, friends of yours or hers in earshot, etc.)

  • You’re otherwise unable to pull off a direct opener strongly or convincingly enough

Situationally relevant (or just situational) openers allow you to get into conversation without being as obvious as a direct opener makes things, which allows the conversation to flow more smoothly and naturally more easily from the outset, and without taking on the jarring / arresting feel of a powerful direct opener.

On the downside, because situational is so much more casual, you’ll end up in more interactions with women who just aren’t that into you than you will with direct, and you won’t get the positive boost of ramped up attraction that direct provides with women who feel free to express their interest in you after having received such a strong initial show of interest from you to them.

Situationally relevant, then, casts a wider, less constricting net, and is easier to cast, but also lets some of the best fish slip through its netting. Still, it’s extremely useful, since direct is all but out of the question in some situations... and you won’t always be ready to pull it off in others.


What to Talk About (and What Not To)

situational openerJust because situationally relevant takes some of the pressure off, though, doesn’t mean you can just talk about whatever you feel like and not have to worry about making the opener good. There is still an art to this... and two core pieces:

  1. Cleverness, and
  2. Wittiness.

An example of a bad situational opener, that includes neither cleverness nor wittiness:

You: [about a simple concrete floor] Wow, this floor sure has a lot of concrete in it.

Sure... you’ve made an observation about the environment. But it is neither a clever one, nor a witty one, and therefore it’s not really clear why you needed to point it out in the first place.

An example of a better situational opener, including both cleverness and wittiness:

You: [about a dust-caked wall] I bet if someone leaned against these walls, plumes of dust would fly into the air.

Again, you’re making an observation about the environment, but here it’s both clever (you noticed how dusty the walls are, and are pointing this out) and amusing (you’re talking about someone leaning against the wall and kicking up dust; if you’re in a bar, restaurant, or other establishment, it’s funnier still because you’re taking a dig at the management of the place’s poor upkeep of the grounds).

Here’s another good/bad contrast:

You: This bar is really packed.

 vs.

You: I could cook a lobster with the body heat in this place.

One’s pointing out that the bar is full, which is neither a clever observation, nor a witty one; the other is pointing out that the bar is hot due to excessive body heat (a clever observation), and could be used to cook a crustacean (an absurd but amusing remark).

Situationally relevant openers ideally will be both clever observations, and witty ones, if you want them to perform their best for you. If you forget either or both of clever and witty, you’ll end up with boring openers... which reflect on you in a boring way, and make the women you use said boring openers on a lot less likely to snap out of autopilot and pay attention to you – or to want to engage in conversation with you even if they do.


Learning Situational

Like anything, you’ll need to practice using situationally relevant to get good at it. And that’s going to include saying plenty of dumb-sounding, boring situational openers you’re going to want to slap your forehead for saying immediately after the words pass your lips.

That’s fine. You have to stumble your way through awkward and unengaging situational openers before you get the art of stringing these together down well enough.

The big keys to learning situationally relevant are:

  1. You must use it. Obviously. If you aren’t using this one, trying it, failing with it, and eventually sometimes succeeding with it, you won’t learn how to do it very well.

  2. You must look for things to use in the environment. This is hard at first, but just like picking out interesting things to deliver genuine compliments on, it’s a skill that you develop with attention and use. I can find something to craft a clever, witty situationally relevant opener out of in almost any setting or situation, simply because I’ve done it enough that a.) certain things I’ve used repeatedly before pop out at me, and b.) my mind is trained to look for quirky things about the environment around me and use them to get into conversation with whoever I want to get into conversation with.

  3. You must be mindful of not complaining. You’ll stumble on this repeatedly early on, and occasionally even later on, and it’s never fun, but it’s part of the learning process. That is, you’ll intend to say something witty, but only end up sounding sour grapes: “I’ve been waiting here forever!” “What’s taking the train so long?” “We must have the slowest bartender in North America.” That’s fine; just realize it when you say it, and resolve to be more witty and less annoyed in your openers the next time around.

  4. Don’t talk about the girl. If you want to compliment her, use direct. If you include her in your situational openers, though, it’s too easy for her to misconstrue what you’re trying to say and take it as an insult. Telling a girl you bet plumes of dust would fly off the walls if she leaned against them, or that you bet she could cook a lobster with all the body heat here, is a lot more ambiguous than using the far more neutral “I” vs. a personal “you.” In one, it’s clear you’re making a witty remark; in the other, it sounds like you might be taking a shot at her.

Done right, situationally relevant openers are interesting, witty, and feel like just a natural, normal remark that a sociable person is making to someone standing near to him. Of course, it just so happens that you took a moment to position yourself next to someone attractive before delivering that remark.


More Examples of Situationally Relevant

Here are a few more examples of good situationally relevant openers you’d use in various situations. These are not for memorization – just examples of what the look and feel of a situational opener is like.


In a Clothing Store

  • [holding up weird-looking clothing item] “Think they have this in my size?”

  • [in the swimwear section] “I’m so mad they don’t have Speedos here.”

  • [gesturing toward a silly-looking mannequin] “Which one of the employees do you think dressed him?


Waiting in Line

  • [pointing at a funny item in the basket of the girl] “I hear those are really popular in Sweden.”

  • [to a girl in front or behind you] “Hey, do you mind saving my spot? I’m going to go take a nap under that table over there. [pause] No, but seriously, the wait here is pretty long.”

situational opener


At the Bar

  • [gesturing to a painting of some really strange looking man] “Good thing he’s watching over us to make sure no one gets too drunk or rowdy.”

  • [pointing at menu] “See that? Cucumber cooler. So you can get drunk as healthily as possible.”

  • [gesturing to guy dancing crazy by himself] “That’s my dance instructor. [girl reacts; you laugh] No, I’m just kidding. But I was thinking about hiring him. Think I should do it?”

Just remember to point out something at least a little bit clever and interesting, and give it a witty turn, and you’ve got a solid-enough situationally relevant opener you can use to jump into conversation with girls in just about every environment.


How Often Will You Use This?

Because situational is both low pressure and versatile, this will usually end up being one of your bread-and-butter styles of opener. You can use it in a lot of scenarios where direct is going to be over the top, and where you don’t want to expose the girl to unneeded scrutiny from those around her, who are going to be paying very close attention to her reaction if they hear you open her direct and they know her well or are very close in proximity to her (sometimes it’s fun to go direct on girls you’re meeting in, say, a tightly packed subway car; when it works, not only is the girl extra excited because of your confidence in front of so many people, but everyone around you thinks you’re just bad ass, too).

Situational is a key part of running most variations of indirect game, and you’ll be glad you’re good at it any time you’re feeling low energy and going direct just doesn’t feel like something you’ll be able to pull off all that well.

If you’re new to situationally relevant, and your situational openers are coming off a little clumsy and boring or you’re having difficulty figuring out what you can use to open with, don’t worry – as with everything, practice makes perfect. Make it a regular habit to use clever and witty remarks about the environment around you as an opener, and you’ll have it running smooth as butter before you know it.

Chase

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Comments

Anonymous's picture

dating older women


hey chase,
Nice post, love the way you analyse and set the point forth
Everyone has a milf or cougar fantasy but no one in all likelyhood knows how to go about it. ;) A post on where to find them and the difference in your approach than regular would be amazing !!

Chase Amante's picture

MILFs / Cougars

Author

Anon-

I've just noted it down on the article queue. Not an area of expertise for me personally... but I'm sure we've got someone on staff who can whip something up about it!

Chase

Max's picture

Process


Hi Chase, I just wondered if you wouldn't mind critiquing my process.

PRE OPEN
Mutal eye contact etc, not always possible.

OPEN
Situational/Greeting/Direct

BANTER/COMFORT
Here I usually start off with something like 'how's your night going' - 'so what you up to this afternoon' just a bit of light chitchat and try to inject some humour if possible.

EXCHANGE NAMES

IF QUICK INTERACTION, SET UP DATE, GRAB CONTACT INFO
If its a quick interaction etc ill usually set up a quick date here and ask for her contact details. Something like 'well I think we should chill sometime, sound good' - 'great how can I get hold of you'

RAPPORT
During the rapport phase a lot happens. As far as conversation goes, I have a few questions I usually always ask. (Some I stole from you!)

'So what's your story?'
This one leads into all sorts and seems a better way of asking 'what do you do for a living'

'You ever go on any crazy adventures'
Got this one from you, can be interesting

'You traveled much or do you want to'
I love getting onto the topic of travel, allows me to find away of promoting my own scarcity.

'What do you want from life'
This one gets on the subject of passions, dreams and goals etc.

'So when your not busy chatting up guys in bars what else do you do for fun'
Quick way of injecting chase frame. Not sure if this one is too obvious? Any better suggestions?

GET INVESTMENT

MOVE HER

PULL

Obviously I stay vigilant for escalation windows throughout and try to invite her back to mine in a way that maintains plausible deniability.

------

Chase, what do you make of this process and how could I improve it.

My main questions:

1: As you can see I have a few questions that I always keep in my locker, call them canned but I just feel it makes sense to have a few effective question to use if things dry up etc. I am not robotic in my conversation, the questions I ask above lead into all sorts of conversation that I am comfortable navigating. My question is what are your thoughts on having a few specific questions ready to ask in your process? Do you bother with this?

2: One of my questions is the 'so when your not busy chatting up guys in (where ever we are) what else do you do for fun' - Essentially this allows me to inject a chase frame. I don't always use this one at all, only when I can't think of any other ways of adding chase frames or when I feel the convo needs a little bit of humour and teasing to spark it to life. What do you rate the effectiveness of this line? Can you think of any better similar ones.

3: I was debating sex frames, what are your thoughts on these and when is best to use them, should I just stick to chase frames. Can you give me and examples on sex frames, and what are the main differences between them and chase frames?

4: During the comfort building/banter/repartee part I always find it easy asking the obvious how's your night going bla bla, and these are fine for just getting things rolling, letting her know I'm not a psycho etc, but sometimes I find it hard to add a bit of humour here, which would probably be welcome or comfort building.

Thanks Chase, would appreciate your advice. This process really only included the bits tht I feel I need to write down to remember. I am always subconsciously aware of escalation widows, maintaining my fundamentals etc, smooth body language, sexual voice.

Do you use a process? In some ways it sound and probably looks to you as a bit robotic and scripted, but I always feel my convos are natural and smooth. I guess processes fuck up when you really start sticking to them religiously and scripting entire convos and then getting confused when things go another way. That's what I've tried to do with mine, have a few powerful lines and things to remember, but makes sure they only scrape the surface an allow me to get onto the important topics so that everything else and all the deep diving will be as natural as possible.

Thanks

Chase Amante's picture

Re: Process

Author

Max-

Process looks fine - most important thing is whether it's working fine for you. You don't mention investment early, so that might be one where you could put a bit more focus - can you move her a few feet minutes or seconds into meeting her? Get some other investment? Get her to give you her hand, and let it linger a bit? etc.

I'm personally not a fan of the "What's your story?" line these days, because it's a bit cliché and it's so broad and general that I get a lot of deer-in-the-headlights looks when I use it. BUT, if you're using it and it's working well for you, then it's fine. If you get that deer-in-the-headlights look though, that's a sign you'd be better off asking her something more specific that wheel take fewer mental cartwheels to answer.

Having specific questions at the ready to ask when you're learning is good and will help you remember to try out new things. I do have certain things I'll reuse, but nothing that I use every time, and I have to really sit and think about it to figure out what the things I use a lot are if, say, I'm writing an article like "8 Things"; I don't have a conscious list I could reel off off the top of my head without thinking about it. You get that way once conversation reaches the point where you're just running on autopilot all the time.

Re: the chase frame about coming here to chat up guys, usually I'll let it more emerge naturally from guided dialogue, like: Me: "How do you like this place?" Her: "Oh, it's great; I come here a lot." Me: "Yeah… lots of cute guys here." Her: "Definitely!" Me: "They probably all know to look out for you by now though, I bet. Unlike me… innocent and unaware." Her: "That's right… I like my prey unsuspecting." Something like that. Basically, just get her to say she comes to a place often, say there are lots of cute guys there, and if she says anything along the lines of "yes", you just tell her all the other guys have caught onto her, but you're a pure innocent Bambi-like victim and that's why she's talking to you. Paints her as a sexual predator, and you as her prey. This one's lots of fun, and you can return to it repeatedly throughout the interaction.

Sexual framing is anything that you do to frame your interaction with a girl in a sexual way. Chase framing is a subdivision of sexual framing, though sexual framing encompasses much more than just chase framing. Sort of like how all squares are rectangles, but not all rectangles are squares. Explicit sexual framing might be, "It's amazing how uptight society is about sex. People get all upset even when you just say the word 'fuck'", said in a very sexual, drawn-out way. Chase framing is used purely to imply the woman is very interested in sex and/or is pursuing men or pursuing you: "Women are every bit as sex-obsessed as men are… and I love that about them."

If you want to add humor to the beginning of an interaction, see if you can pick out an element of her clothing you can rib her on lightly ("It's too warm for scarves!") or tease her nonverbally (e.g., imitate her body language or facial expression in a humorous way).

As for process - yes, of course! Although my process is very bare bones, mostly down to specific actions, and I fill in details like deep diving and chase framing around that skeleton. I outline a sample 10-step process (more or less what I use, though you can lay the steps out differently depending on what you're focusing on) in this article. Process is essential to have - it frees your mind from tedious tasks like trying to figure out if now is time to make a move (or not). Makes life and seduction a whole lot easier.

Chase

Anonymous's picture

Hi Chase thanks for the


Hi Chase thanks for the article.
A question though: What do you follow up with? Within the next minute after you've started such a conversation you must still make a direct compliment about her, otherwise it'll get awkward, I think. It would be interesting to add a paragraph about how to shift gears after making a situational observation.

jack's picture

I second this? How do you SOI


I second this? How do you SOI to show your intent and not be seen as just a guy for asexual chit chat?

Chase Amante's picture

Follow Up

Author

Anon / Jack-

Check out this article: "Conversation Example."

Works exactly the same if you switch out the direct opener for a situationally relevant one.

@Jack-

I don't SOI verbally, nor do I recommend it. Instead, I do it, and suggest doing it, with nonverbals: lean in, intense eye contact, slow smile spreading across your face. You can lean back and remove pressure, then lean in and apply it again, to place more interest on her, then less, then more... essentially, when she's showing interest or acting nervous or uncertain, you show more interest by leaning in and getting more intense, like the wolf closing in on its prey. When she's acting superior or aloof, you lean back and act disinterested and bored, like she's just another person you're talking to.

Chase

Anonymous's picture

Hello Chase! I've been


Hello Chase!
I've been thinking lately about body hair.
It is obvious that the media is bombarding men and women that the ideal body hair is no body hair at all ( all actors,models etc have no body hair).

Personally i think being completely hairless is time-consuming, expensive and too metrosexual, but i don't know, everyone is treating body hair like it's the devil...

What is your opinion? I have lots of chest and leg hair and also a bit on my shoulders and back, but not gross. Should i shave,trim or leave it as it is?

Chase Amante's picture

Male Body Hair

Author

Anon-

I discussed chest hair on the discussion boards here: "Re: Should men shave their chests?"

Personally, I LOVE having women complain to me about me having chest hair early on. Have a bit on shoulders / back as well, though don't hear about that usually. I love it because there's nothing more delightful than having a woman act as though she finds something about you distasteful, only for you to know that later on, she's going to be orgasming under you and, a little later after that, telling you with a dreamy look in her eyes how much she adores your chest hair and how glad she is that you don't shave it.

As they say in sales, every objection is just another opportunity to sell the customer further, and being unshaken or even excited (like I am) when a girl protests like this makes them melt faster than ice cubes on a stovetop...

Chase

Randy Bobandy's picture

Tossing this idea out there


Hey Chase, another great article, thank you.

Though one thing I've been wondering since I began perusing this site about a month ago. All of the articles have many "individual" tips. That is, pieces to the puzzle, but I often find myself wondering about the big picture.

So this may sound ridiculous, but would it be possible to audio record an entire flirting session from introduction to getting number/etc and post it here?

-Randy Bobandy

Chase Amante's picture

Example Conversation

Author

Randy-

It's not audio, but this might be useful: "Conversation Example."

Also worth checking out would be the Field Reports section on the discussion boards - lots of good examples to follow there, some of them pretty detailed, especially the ones by the more experienced guys (check the "Best of" link Franco put up), and Ricardus's "boots on the ground" series (use the search bar up top and search for "boots on the ground"; anything that's by Ricardus is probably fair game).

I don't write reports any more for privacy reasons, but I have a few examples from meet to bed in the appendix of How to Make Girls Chase, if you have a copy of that.

Otherwise, I'd like to do a product at some point that's full of example pickups with breakdowns and analyses, but if I do it, I want it to be very high polish and very well done, and that means a good film crew that can film in a non-obvious way, and ideally getting girls to sign model contract waivers after the fact so we won't need to blur their faces out, but that's tricky. Anyway, that's still a little ways down the road, since it'd be a somewhat involved project to get done right, and I still spend a lot of my day-to-day on articles and admin for GC. Plans to expand the product line with some easier-to-put-together products this year first, and then we'll see.

Chase

Mc's picture

Compliments


Chase what are your thoughts on calling a girl sexy girl or telling her she's cute, specifically later on into the interaction when you know she likes you.

I know in general those kinda compliments are best avoided, but when a girl likes you a lot and is perhaps turned on is saying something like 'come here sexy girl' that bad ?

Cheers

Chase Amante's picture

Re: Compliments

Author

Mc-

The stronger the compliment, and the more general it is, the more you want to be nonchalant when you're saying it most of the time.

When I call a girl cute, other than during the opener, I will say it like, "Yeah... you're cute," in a bored, offhand way, usually while not even making eye contact. I won't call her sexy unless she's acting very submissive toward me, in which case something like, "Come here, sexy girl," right before we're about to initiate to sex works very well.

Chase

Mr. Rob's picture

Get Good at situational FAST!


One bit to add for anyone that passes by the comments here is that if you want to get good FAST at situational openers. Talk to everyone! It may seem obvious but, you can open anyone with a situational opener and it can help dramatically speed your learning curve of this opener.

Open people in line waiting to check out whatever it is your checking out.
Open random people in the grocery store.
Open random people on the street walking the same direction as you.
Open people in the bar that aren't stunningly hot women (but only after you've opened all the stunningly hot women ;).

Try and have fun with it and be playful with people to just build good social momentum. People will be glad you broke them out of autopilot from their boring day.

Soon enough you'll be more socially free (less A.A.), be able to better find something amusing in any environment, and have upgraded your conversation skills.

-Rob

Rob

jack's picture

Chase, Could you write on how


Chase,

Could you write on how to structure a 5-10 minute daygame interaction; ie where to go next after either a situational or direct opener. I know you deep dive, but how do you get there?

Chase Amante's picture

Day Game Tactical

Author

Jack-

Certainly. I've got it noted down for a more step-by-step, tactical day game post (I'm assuming you've read Ricardus's on these and want more specifics; or, if not see them here and here; also, do a search for "boots on the ground" - anything by Ricardus with that phrase usually lays out day game examples, which Ric focuses on almost to exclusion).

Chase

Pablo's picture

Nice


Nice article, I liked that it was short and to the point.
And the examples made me laugh out loud in front of my laptop haha.
Keep writing!

Regards,

Pablo

Anonymous's picture

On wit..


Very useful article. As always; nice one Chase.

As a (completely) witless man, I'm hoping an article on being funny/witty is forthcoming.

Chase Amante's picture

Being Funny

Author

Anon-

Yep, I've had one on that planned for a long time now. It's one of those things I keep meaning to do, but it's going to be such a big post that it keeps getting put off.

I'll get it done at some point though, and will make it very thorough when I do.

Meantime: see if you can find a television show with some kind of improvisational humor in it that you enjoy, and do your best to mirror it. Talk show hosts and improv comedy shows are usually the best resources for this.

Chase

Bolt's picture

Voice Recordings on Forum & Some Advice?


Hey Chase, I haven't been reading much articles lately due to being out in the field trying to improve. I'm a bit lazy when writing field reports because they are so lengthy. I wanted to know how to upload voice recordings from my phone to the field reports to help post my field reports on the forum?

My other question is based on an annoying intermediate sticking point? Well last night, and last week (with two different hot girls) I got into sexual conversation. With the girl from last night, I disqualified myself as a boyfriend by mentioning how college is a time to be single and explore your sexuality and even got some sex talk going. However I had trouble handling the sexual pressure and was hesitant in pushing further and didn't talk dirty with her like I should. This led to me inviting her to the dorm for a movie and her politely rejecting me until next time. Also, with the girl from last week (who is also in my class), I got into sexual conversation about her experiences with having sex with her best friend (a girl) and how good it was. However, I also caved under the pressure and didn't push much farther. This is pretty annoying because I knew I had both of these girls but I keep caving under sexual pressure. I'm going to invite both girls over for a movie this weekend/next week and try to escalate there. I'm at an irritating sticking point where it's easy for me to get into sexual conversation, but hard to maintain it. My question to you is how long did it take for you to get past this awkward part of sexual pressure in conversation, and how I can improve myself in regards to keeping the conversation sexy when I introduce these topics?

Chase Amante's picture

Voice Recording, Sexual Pressure

Author

Bolt-

I don't think we have a way to embed audio in a forum post right now, so the only way to do it at the moment is probably to link to a recording you have elsewhere. You could place these into Dropbox or Google Docs/Drive or a similar service for ease of use and linking to.

On talking about sex - I still don't like when women discuss sex too clinically with me, as this feels very "girl in control of the conversation" and I cut those topics fast. But that's probably just because I don't do it myself, and if we go there, the girl is the one steering the conversation there. At least for me and my style of game, there's a lot more power in alluding to it and using innuendo and making it a dance of flirtation and intrigue where nothing is said for sure than just saying it outright. Of course, there are other styles - Alek and Drexel, for instance, enjoy coming out and talking about sex very explicitly, and pull off great results. Generally, this style of game requires walking a fine line of escalating the vibe and building up the anticipation of what the girl will get in the bedroom, as you prime her more and more, while not going too far overboard into the prurient and crude, or cracking and coming across uncomfortable, which instantly makes it all fall apart and convinces her you're all talk and no walk.

With anything like that where there's a learning curve and adjustment period, you've just got to suck it up and be uncomfortable until you get used enough to doing it. Then your brain calms down and it becomes "just a thing" to you and you become smooth and natural with it.

Chase

Anonymous's picture

Strippers!


Hey Chase, any advice on getting a stripper? I think that would make for a fun ride (pun intended)

Chase Amante's picture

Re: Strippers!

Author

Anon-

I'll put it on the article queue, and see if we can't pull back the drapes on that one for you ;)

Chase

Anonymous's picture

going it alone


A little off the topic but just this article brings to my mind people who are doing a lot of travelling and small talks.
For me, travelling is something of a real challenge, something that has always been exciting and terrifying at the same time. What I'm trying to do Chase, is getting rid of the fear of travelling. I know for people like you it may even sound funny. I wish I could travel more and my job allows me to do so and my finances do it's just the mind that roadblocks it. When I was a kid and in my teenage years, I always travelled on vacations with older brothers and sisters and they took care of everything. I never knew how to read the train timetables, fixing places to crush, eat etc. Until recently, I realized I don't want to travel with people anymore because this way you somewhat always stay within your circle and never get to meet new people and get laid.
The idea of going somewhere alone terrifies me. I never talk to people about it as they may call me weak and sissy but that's the truth.
I thought I may start by small steps. First, cities near my city, then longer distances. I can do all the travelling by car beacuse I never use public transport. I'm planning now to go to a different city just for a weekend first. But now I think, I will get lonely there, sitting in a pub, eating alone, visiting the city alone, only watching other people coming with their girlfriends. My hobby is clips editing, I thought I might get a camera with me and go around, travel to new places, filming things, gathering new material from different more interesting places. But after all, how can I kill the fear of actually getting into my car and go without thinking of getting lonely in the middle of a big and unknown environment?
Do you think this attitude can be partly related to the fact, I had a long distance girlfriend once in the past. I was totally in love with her. I travelled by car to her but there was always her, waiting for me at the end of the journey. I loved the trips there, but not only the part with being with her, but also the trip itself. Yet now, the idea of the road ahead of me and even the smell of coffee at gas stations still keeps the memories of the times fresh and makes me sad no matter if any other girl is actually on my mind at the time. How to shake it off?
Another reason of my fear is that I had a friend back in the primary school who died on a trip. He got stabbed on the street. Even though, I know it's ridiculous to think this way and I know stabbing can happen everywhere but I have this something about me people sometimes pick on me at night asking for money. I got beaten once but turned out to be nothing serious. It's just because I think I like to be well dressed, not elegantly overdressed, but like to have very good quality things from the up markets and I grab attention. But again, I know this can happen to me on my way to work. I read an article once how bad we are in assessing everyday risk. It may be something I have a problem with. I don't see the risks of driving to work like crazy every morning but I have so many unreasonable maybe frears connected with travelling.
Chase, any ideas how to reset and reMAP my mind on this? To speak logic to my logic? I think giving the hell out of here once in a while would add real value to my life and give me a sense of real freedom.
Thanks for you help in advance man!

Chase Amante's picture

Solo Travel

Author

Anon-

It's not an uncommon or unreasonable fear. I didn't start solo traveling for years, partly because when I was working in the corporate world I had more than enough invitations to travel with friends or girlfriends to suck up all my vacation time, but also because the idea of traveling alone to somewhere was a little unnerving. What if you can't speak the language? What if your stuff gets stolen and you're stuck there? What if you get there and realize you can't find your hotel?

If you're not used to doing anything alone, I'd probably recommend starting with that first. i.e., going out alone to bars and nightclubs and getting used with the social pressure there; hitting Yelp or another site and finding new bars, restaurants, bookstores, anything, that you've never visited before, and visiting these on your own.

Once you are traveling, if you're afraid of not doing anything when you get there, I'd recommend drawing up an itinerary prior to traveling about what you're going to do when, and sticking to it when you get there. When you're going out and doing things, you'll stay busy, and will quickly get to know the city and start making it more familiar and less scary and strange. If you go somewhere for more than a few days, you'll quickly realize a few days in that you know your way around the local area, know the local subway stops, the streets and roads, the restaurants, bars, pubs, etc.

Then, the next time you want to go back, it's just traveling somewhere familiar.

Something that eased me into solo travel that you might do if you have a network to tap is to travel to places where you already have friends (like what you did with that long-distance relationship), and stay with them. You might check out a site like Couch Surfing or AirBNB to find a place that has people already, or book a bed in a hostel, if you want to travel somewhere you don't have friends. That way, no matter what, you'll be making a few new friends right away, and it's not really pure "solo" travel just yet.

Chase

Troy's picture

Job Resume


Hey Chase -

This comment is not related directly to getting girls and socializing.

Im looking around for a summer job from very early. i found a few places i want a summer job in namely:
- Clothes store
- Supermarket
- Bookstore
- Restaurant
- Fast Food Store

Life is not easy where i live and i dont have any money to directly help me buy some new clothes,shoes and e.t.c. to upgrade my fashion. also, i want to start saving my money to move out from my family house (which is a total chaos) and into my own home.

Now what i need a little help with now is writing up my summer job resume. I want it to sound really good that as soon as the manager reads it, they want to hire me. I tried using steps from the article "How to Word Your Requests So They Never Get Rejected" and im not sure if what i wrote will do the trick. i already finished writing my sketch resume (just 1 outline example) and here it is below:

Dear Manager,

I am applying for a summer job at your company. i wish to be considered as an applicant for the summer job position.

On the attachment sheet in this letter, i have included my curriculum vitae with all my information needed :- name, references, education qualifications e.t.c.

I am 17 years old and will be sitting the csec exams this year and doing 5 subjects.

I have completed 4 csec subjects in may/june 2013 and my results were:

English a (1)
Food & Nutrition (1)
Human & Social Biology (2)
Geography (3)

It would be a pleasure to work with you and help to provide value and great service to our customers.

Just name it! what is it that need help with? how can i help to improve your business and satisfy more of your customers and in turn bring in more money for you? Any challenges to take on?

A ready, willing person to take on the job is me. my contact information is:
tel. 000-999-1111
email: johndoe32@yahoo.com

I am ready to attend an interview when you see fit.
Name the challenge and together as a team we build a better business. looking to hear from you soon!

Sincerly,
Troy

Chase, what do uou think about this job resume and what can i change in it to make the person reading my resume want to call me and hire me immediately ? i already have some impressive school grades and that might help, but how do i properly structure it?

Can i use weasel phrases in my letter?
I am trying to use advice from drexels article on weasel phrases and your article on " How to Word Your Requests So They Never Get Rejected"

Any changes to make in this summer job resume? and i am 18 years before this summer.

Question: have you updated the beginner eBook and put the article "How to Overcome Depression" in it?

Thanks for the reply in advance!

Troy

Anonymous's picture

This is terrible! Seriously


This is terrible! Seriously go look up sample cover letters and resumes. First off no clothing store cares about your grades. For your sake I'm going to analyze every sentence you wrote and tell you the message it sends across.

"Dear Manager"
unless you know the manager by name then say Dear Mr/Ms X otherwise just say, "To whom it may concern" Sometimes the store manager isn't the hiring manager. Or in big companies HR takes care of it, so most of the time you're sending a letter to HR.

"I am applying for a summer job at your company"
Already stopped reading it. You reduce your chances of getting employed once you say "summer job". Takes about 1-2weeks to train, you only plan on working 3 months. Meh not interested. Nothing wrong with working the summer then quitting once school starts. It happens all the time. Just don't tell them. Also stop stating the obvious, no shit you're applying for the job. Change the sentence to, "I am highly interested in this position at XYZ company" Then proceed to tell them why you are interested.

"I wish to be considered as an applicant for the summer job position"
If hes reading this email hes already considering you, stop wishing, stop stating the obvious and wasting his time. Change to "With my diverse background and experience I feel I am qualified for this position"

Thats as much as I'm gonna write now. Don't take about your grades talk about the skills and work ethic you have that got you those grades. Tell them you have good time management, work hard etc...

Chase Amante's picture

Résumé

Author

Troy-

I'll second Anon that you need some serious revision here.

I'd skip the personal appeals, and get straight to writing a proper résumé. I never wrote one of these in high school - every high school job I ever applied to had a form for you to fill out, and did not accept résumés - but if you do a search on Google for "high school resume", there are plenty of examples of how to write one of these and format it.

Any personal appeals you need to make I would stick to making in person; however, your willingness to take on whatever the manager needs is a strong offer that a good manager will appreciate and take you up on as a sign of a healthy work ethic. So don't throw that part out when you get to actually speaking with the guy!

Re: the Beginner eBook, no, I haven't updated... I've been busy, and updating an eBook with links in it is a time-consuming and tedious task to do! I've not forgotten though.

Chase

Christopher's picture

Professional Seduction


Hello, Chase!
This post is great to develop your skill.
But, there was a situation I was stuck.An interesting one.
I was always successful with women since 2011, using simple and funny pickups. But I entered in an environment with high caliber women. They are very experienced and hard to control, but still show enough interest, so I can't give up on them. I can't say that there is no male concurrence. Real men with huge fundamentals.
So, could you write a post on a professional pickup, cause there have little effect on them.(they have seen a lot like this)

Chase Amante's picture

Re: Professional Seduction

Author

Christopher-

If I'm reading your comment correctly, you mean picking up women who are career girls, vs. non-career oriented women, correct?

Assuming that's the case, I can absolutely do something on that - stay tuned!

Chase

Mc's picture

Simple openers


Hi chase, not so much for during the day but for night game are simple openers like 'hi' actually that bad? I know they seem a bit boring but providing you have everything else down (fundamentals etc) I just see them as a very easy way of starting an interaction.

Thoughts?

Chase Amante's picture

Re: Simple openers

Author

Mc-

Nope, not at all! Provided you strike the right chord with your voice tone and nonverbals as you come in, "Hi" and other simple openers can be as strong (or stronger) than anything else.

I've never used it a huge amount, but I used "hi" before I ever much started approaching women, and I still use it sometimes.

Chase

Gem's picture

Game with a skilled natural friend/college game


Hey Chase,

I’ve been hanging out with a natural friend of mine lately who got back in town. My friend’s only a couple years older than me but he’s pretty experienced with women (he’s at like 80 something lay count wise and used to be a stripper a few years back).

I haven’t gone out clubbing with my friend yet but will be doing so in a few weeks. We’ve kicked it a few times and shared business work/ideas with each other and also have lifted together occasionally at the gym too; pretty much here it’s that mentor relationship you described where you’re just buddies and learn game through osmosis (I broke this rule subtly a few times at first but came to realize that my friend can’t really explain what he does all that much; probably true of most naturals).
What’s the way gaming with a wing should work (never worked with a wingman before) regarding when you’re out with a skilled friend?

Also to ask more specifically about my situation here: when we’ll be out and my buddy will be talking to girls is it better for me to be the chilled out guy but observe what he does more than anything; or in contrast to this should I try to be more outgoing like him and match his vibe with the girls (he’s usually outgoing type seducer and I’m usually more smooth/brooding type; but could adjust to being outgoing if that would be the best way to go about it).

Last thing I wanted to mention before I close this first question is that yesterday me and my friend were flirting with some other regular girls at the gym; here I noticed that my friend’s potentially an even higher attractiveness level than me (fundamentals and game wise) but also that the fact that my friend would speak a little Spanish that he’d kind of say in between phrases flirting with the girls made it a little more difficult to learn from what he was doing.

My second question is regarding my current scenario at college. I’ve been taking a lot of units this quarter and between working and school have kept pretty busy. I’ve been having a casual friends with benefits girl I’ve been seeing once a week.

Besides this, I’ve been doing approaches on campus regularly. Whenever I see a really attractive girl I like on campus I go and meet her right then (unless I’m running late for class :/) and my game’s been good just sort of plateaued. My problem has been a logistics problem, because at home I can rarely bring girls over; and at school (where I am most of the day) I don’t have a place to take girls home.
The past many approaches I’ve done have gone just smoothly, perfectly; however, I’ve been screening girls for logistics and throwing the ones who don’t live on campus back into the pond (if that makes sense). My school is a commuter school and statistically from my approaches I’ve seen like some 1 in 15 girls I’ll approach lives on campus.

What’s been keeping me approaching right now is the occasional on campus girl I meet and also the thought that I might meet a “love at first sight” girl or at least a really great all-round girl who I wouldn’t get to meet if I hadn’t gone out approaching that day. But I’m not sure now if it’s best for me to wait till I have better logistics for the upper tier hot girls (and only approach them in the meanwhile), or whether I should instead do more approaches right now and expand to girls that I just have a base-level of attraction towards (so lower quality girls but will meet more who live at school).

I’m really busy courseload and available time-wise but figure it might be better for me experience-wise to approach the just doable girls and approach in higher numbers.

Let me know what you think

Thanks,

Gem

Chase Amante's picture

Skilled Friend / Bad Logistics

Author

Gem-

General rule of thumb when you're gaming with someone more experienced than you is let him set the pace, and let him lead. If you try to expend more energy than he is, it can start to feel like a competition, which he won't like. So, just be chill, hang out, and if he wants to talk to girls you can talk to girls. If so, watch how he opens, and mimic that (e.g., if he maneuvers near girls and opens casually, and only opens a couple of times an hour, you should open that way too, and open a little bit less often than he does).

When winging him, let him talk until he's ready to bring you in, and take whatever girl he isn't going for. If he's skilled at winging, this'll probably be pretty clear.

With on campus - hmm, that's tough. That's really just a judgment call, although I'd judge you're probably better just doing the approaches regardless, and getting the experience. Once you get enough of it under the belt and feel comfortable enough doing it, you'll probably find you start trying to get creative with logistics on your own, as you get fed up with having it be "on" with girls but nowhere to take them. Once that's a problem your mind is tackling, it'll start looking to resolve it.

Chase

Balla's picture

Don't be S.A.F.E.


Sup Chase, im going to take a break again to get my mind straight, I have a few questions and I appreciate your answers. Im trying to be more cool and nonchalant about life. I'm smooth and laid back, but I still do get flustered very very easily. Im honestly a emotional sensitive dude, when im happy I beam of smiles and when im angry, well im furious. I know you'll probably say to go through situations until you can control it, but I've been going thorough this all my life in every single situation. I want to actually not give a fuck and be like oh well. I also hold on to things, like revenge for example. I want to just ko a couple of people that pissed me off that I kinda turned the cheek on.

1. How do I develop this oh well fuck it attitude for everything in life from wins to losses?
2. How can I stop taking in everything so seriously and personal?
3. How can I get revenge on the people who did me wrong physically instead of getting revenge with success? ( I need to do something to them for them to know they're not getting away with shit)
4. How can I stop being sad and emotional when I fail and just be like whatever?

Another part of my emotions is when it comes to approaching. When I go out to approach I hype myself up, like yes im going to do this im going to get 15 numbers today , then I choke. When I thought about it, im like why do I have to psych myself up for this shit? Why do I have to make this such a damn big deal? I haven't tried it yet but I was thinking reverse psychological, by telling myself that I wasn't going to talk to any girls at all today.

1. How can I stop making this approaching thing such a big deal?
I make it like it's life or death.

2. Do you think using reverse psychological on myself by saying to myself that I won't approach at all, but I really will, will work?

3. I feel each time I go out to approach I can visualize the success I will have and I feel easier when im walking around thinking approaching isn't so bad, but im not approaching, I just feel more calm and able then I did before when I was walking around. Does this new way of feeling mean anything?

That's it, im gonna go on my hiatus, I'll still be around though.

P.S. When are you going to make the sexy 2.0 article and the how to be cool article?
And S.A.F.E means sensitive as fuck everyday, in case you're curious.

Thanks Chase

Peace,
Balla

Chase Amante's picture

Questions

Author

Balla-

Good deal on getting your mind right; worth doing every now and again whenever you start feeling like there's too much rattling around up there.

The easiest way to stop caring about smaller things is to have bigger things you're working on that take up your focuses. When you don't have any major undertakings you're focused on, all the minutiae of life seem really important and serious, and small issues become big deals. When instead you're focused on a big project - building a business, training for a competition, actively learning some new skill set that's super important to you, etc. - all the small stuff becomes silly and unimportant. But without something bigger, your world view shrinks down to all that little stuff going on around you, and the little stuff looks like big stuff.

If you need to get physical, you usually only want to do it right after someone's been physical with you. That way the lesson is incorporated in their mind and they know why you're reacting the way you are. Doing it randomly later on just looks petty and spiteful, and will cause them to feel wronged themselves, which means they'll seek out revenge on you later when you aren't expecting it.

Re: reverse psychology, it depends on what motivates you. e.g., if you're competitive and like to be thought of as a strong and capable dude, mentally taunting yourself can be useful (e.g., saying to yourself, "What are you, a pussy? You can't go talk to that girl? Because you're a big pussy?" will get you into action immediately if you're the type who says, "Screw you; I can do ANYthing!" and then goes off to prove it). If you're a strong contrarian, then maybe saying, "You won't go approach that girl," will make you go do it just to do the opposite. How you goad yourself into battle depends on what sort of goading works best on you.

Thinking approaching isn't so bad when you're not approaching is just the mind fooling itself. It happens when you say to yourself, "You know what? Instead of approaching, I'm going to THINK about approaching! Ah, see? This ain't so bad!" It's not a sign of reduced approach anxiety; only going up and talking to girls and being more chill as you do so is a sign you've got it handled better.

Re: muscle, check out Bill Phillips's Body-for-LIFE program. I mostly followed that, with a strict regimen of increasing reps or increasing weight every session. Probably half of the muscle I've put on in my life I put on in about a 6 month period just doing this. (there are tons and tons and tons of different workout plans you can use; that's just what I've used to good effect)

Don't make a set number of approaches the goal; make approaching until you achieve a certain result the goal. Like, "I will keep approaching women until I've asked at least two of them home."

As for people criticizing you… keep things to yourself. They can't criticize what they don't know and can't see.

If they're criticizing you for just everyday stuff you're doing, axe them from your life. Constructive criticism is good, but when it's just petty sniping, they're only doing it to make themselves better by having a laugh at your expense. Miserable people trying to drag you down with them.

Chase

Wolf's picture

How much do muscles help? Is anything a big deal?


I want to know the benefits of muscles and how much it helps you in life. I want to know how much it adds to your arsenal. Because some dudes with muscles don't get girls and vice versa. I want to know how much does having muscles help attract girls, make other guys intimidated, and make your social life better? I want to know because I don't want to work out like crazy for no reason.

And I want to know if I don't make anything a big deal, would it not be a big deal?
For example someone tells me they heard a bad rumor about me and try to embarrass me, if I act like it's not a big deal, will it not be? That's for everything in life im asking for.

Thanks

Chase Amante's picture

Muscles and Big Deals

Author

Wolf-

Muscles will definitely up your intimidation factor, and increase your attractiveness, too. However, they're not a magic pill, and you won't suddenly start getting super hot girls just for packing on 25 pounds of muscle. Usually dudes with muscle can get SOME kind of girl; but, I've seen lots and lots of muscular men with Plain Janes, and worse (sometimes way worse). Likewise, I've seen plenty of rail-thin men with very beautiful women. For attraction purposes, think of muscles as a good asset, but only if used in conjunction with other things. They're like the tomato in the sandwich; pretty good with other ingredients, but still not a very good sandwich if all you have is tomato and bread.

On things not being a big deal - yes, usually.

Occasionally, things you shrug off will get made into a big deal because of the nature of the herd (one person starts gesticulating wildly, then someone else picks up on it, then someone else), and at that point you've got to address them from a "children, children; settle down, calm yourselves, relax" point of view. Except for those scenarios though, you're most of the time safe shrugging your shoulders and rolling your eyes.

Chase

Anonymous's picture

awesome awesome awesome post!


awesome awesome awesome post! I really like it because it shows how to be fun as well. I'm more of an introvert and though i'm naturally playful, I'm never the life of the party. I'm not sure if I can be both the quietly confident and the outgoing fun guy, but these kinds of openers seem to be perfect for me! hope to see more!

Anonymous's picture

Why do girls add me JUST as they are about to get a boyfriend?


Hi chase, I was wondering if you could shed light on a phenomenon I've been experiencing recently. I noticed that a girls who rejected me in the past seemed to have given me indications that they regretted it, (i.e., wanting to talk again and seeming desperate to flirt once they see me again). Part of this response is that I completely cut contact with girls who reject me. I also deleted them on Facebook if we were friends.

Now, recently some of the former flames have either gotten a boyfriend or are in the process of getting one, (I hear about how they are seeing someone and are close to being in a relationship). Once they are about to get a boyfriend (I estimate they are about 2-3 weeks away), they add me on Facebook. This behavior has happened 4-5 times and I was wondering what this could mean. Does this mean they just want me to pursue them again or that they want me to see "what they are missing out on?"

It would seem very childish and unfair to just add me because they want to make me jealous because they were the ones that rejected me and so I really didn't have any choice but to cut contact.

Would you have any thoughts? Thanks Chase!

Chase Amante's picture

Delayed Friend Zone Attempts

Author

Anon-

These are attempts at friend zoning / orbiter-status'ing you that women make once they think you've had a chance to "cool off."

It's sort of a compliment, because they're saying, "Hey, Anon's a cool guy - I should keep him in my contacts list," but if all you care about with them is getting to sex or a relationship, it's not very complimentary to you in that case.

Girls who are interested in you will start suggesting that the two of you hang out (just the two of you). If it's anything other than that - Facebook adding, flirting, inviting you to parties, etc. - usually it just means they want to keep you around as a friend and supporter.

Chase

Balla's picture

How to do things faster


Chase, what did you do to build up your muscle faster without using steroids? What exercises did you do to make the process go faster, how many days did you go, how long were your workouts? I really want to build my muscles up fast because working out for a long time bores me and im extremely impatient.

On approaching girls, how can I approach 40 girls a day faster? I just want to know what would be the fastest way to do it?

Thanks

Balla's picture

Why are people always critiquing me and trying me?


I don't know what it is but people always want to critique everything little thing I do. People always have to say something to me to piss me off. I've tried different approaches and they haven't worked, from being serious to nonchalant to even trying to laugh about it, people always have something to say no matter what. Like 2pac said, "Everybody got a motha fuckin opinion". It's annoying to keep dealing with this and I fight back all of the time which is also draining me out. People keep trying me and I don't know what else to do to get it to stop. What do I have to do?

Thanks

Balla's picture

One more thing!


I think I forgot to ask this question, I just wanted to know when you're in the club and girls are on the move and walking head on in your direction or they're passing by you. How do you stop them and what do you say?

Thanks

Chase Amante's picture

Stopping Girls in the Club

Author

Balla-

Couple of things you can do.

One is you can hold up your hand like a policeman telling someone "Stop!" very firmly and authoritatively. That's somewhat jarring, and has a pretty polarizing effect on girls.

Another is an old RSD classic, the claw. I've seen that one used to good effect by students I've coached in-field (surprisingly to me, at first. But, girls do like dominance). You just wait for a girl to walk by, then reach out, wrap your arm around her, and pull her in while opening her verbally.

A third, the one I usually opt for, is just making a mental note of what the girl looks like, noting where she's going, and then just circling around so that it looks natural and opening her once she's picked a spot to settle in. She's generally more likely to open better when she's not on the move surrounded by lots of other people on the move (assuming you're in a very crowded club) than when she is.

Chase

V's picture

Get rid of this vibe


Hey chase, all of my life people have always said the same things about me, that I have this negative vibe and that I'm slow. I try to be positive but people have told me that they can't put their finger on it but I just have a bad vibe on multiple occasions, they also call me slow and say I don't know what it is but people like to bother you, it's like they enjoy it. All of these comments are from people all over different states and they don't know each other.

1. How can I get rid of this "negative vibe" I keep hearing I have?
2. How do I stop being thought of as "slow"?
3. How do I stop having this vibe that people want to bother me?

Please help me out,

Thank you chase!

Chase Amante's picture

Negative / Slow Vibe

Author

V-

I'm not really sure exactly what that is; you'd have to ask people candidly if they can help you figure out what it is you're doing that's giving that impression.

I'd suggest you grab some people who know you pretty well but maybe aren't SUPER close to you (so close that they'll want to try and protect your feelings) and ask them straight up that you keep hearing you're negative and slow, and you want to fix these things but you don't know exactly what you're doing that keep giving this impression. So can they just be straight with you and lay out all the things you're doing that make you seem negative or slow?

Then write down everything they tell you, and focus on fixing those things. You'll probably realize other things you're doing too, once you have a few examples to work with.

Chase

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