Pre-Opening


pre-openingOpening (or engaging a woman verbally for the first time) in-and-of itself is a necessity, something that must be done 96% of the time when you want to meet a girl (if we imagine that about 4% of opening is done by women themselves). It’s unavoidable and inescapable. Different types of openers can net you different results – with direct openers being of course the flavor of opening that typically offers the most bang for your buck.

But outside the words used in the opener itself, there are in fact a few other things you can do with your openers to have them serve you far better.

Enter pre-opening. A term I coined to give name to a handful of small nonverbal gestures that net big returns in opening percentages and efficacy.

This is stuff that will get more girls opening for you, more eagerly. If you want women falling all over themselves when you first say hello, outside of making changes to your clothing, hairstyle, posture, eye contact, voice, and other fundamentals, this – pre-opening – is the way to do it.

There are several categories of pre-opening I’d like to cover here, so rather than spend a lot of time talking about the how and why, let’s just dive into them and hash that part of it out as we go.


Pre-Opening

Pre-opening by definition is an action that you take with a woman prior to verbally engaging her. It’s something you’ll use to get a woman’s attention and prime her to be opened.

We’re going to chiefly use touch to pre-open, although as you’ll see in the “Glance and Smile” section below, pre-opening certainly isn’t limited to touch by any means. Rather, touch is simply the most common and straightforward way for you to pre-open.

The reason pre-opening works is simple: you typically want a woman to be looking at you first. This is the first step in setting up the chase dynamic that you want –you want those subconscious signals firing in a girl’s mind that she noticed you first, that she was interested in you first, that she is chasing you and pursuing you. The early stages of an interaction with a new woman go much more smoothly when you start off using this dynamic than they do when you start off as the pursuer (as the one making the initial eye contact). By using touch, you’re able to get a woman looking at you before you are looking at her. Check out the article on elite eye contact for a little more information on how eye contact comes into play here.

Some standard pre-openers include lightly resting your hand on a woman’s arm until she turns to look at you, or placing your hand on her shoulder and perhaps squeezing her shoulder a few times if she is slow to turn. A half-second after her eyes are gazing at yours, you turn to her very casually with a warm smile and begin your verbal opener.

The reason this works so effectively is twofold:

Pre-opening should become an essential, core element of your opening strategy in nearly every occasion. It does so many good things for your opening it can’t be emphasized enough.


Nudge

A variation of standard pre-opening is the nudge. Simple enough to remember, you walk up to a girl who isn’t gazing your way, and preferably is leaning against something – a wall, a bar, etc. Then, you nudge her – either give her a gentle hip bump with your own hips, or give her a light, playful shove in the arm with your arm. When she turns to look at you, look at her back, and give her a playful smile.

As a bonus, if you smile at her like you’re about to begin laughing, she’ll often catch the emotion and burst into a bit of laughter herself. This makes for a very fun, light pre-opening, and you can still proceed with any kind of verbal opener you decide on (direct is fantastic here, since she is already receiving you warmly – might as well go with the most powerful, effective opener!).


Lingering Touch

After physically pre-opening (by first touching a girl to get her attention), you can use something I call the “lingering touch.” The lingering touch consists of leaving your hand where it’s resting on the girl you’ve just pre-opened, and holding eye contact with her with a warm smile on your face for a second or a pair of seconds before you begin your opener.

A lingering touch might look like this:

A man walks up to a woman and places the palm of his hand on her elbow. She turns to look at him, resting her eyes on his. He moves his eyes over to meet hers, and smiles at her warmly while he gazes into her eyes for two seconds. At last, he speaks: “I saw you standing over here, and I just had to come tell you, that…”

It’s something you’ll see sometimes in movies, in fact, where an incredibly suave, romantic man walks up to engage a beautiful woman he’s just seen. And just as women swoon for it in the movies, they swoon for it in real life, too.


Glance and Smile

pre-opening The glance-and-smile is a non-physical means of pre-opening that relies instead on eye contact and smiling to prep a woman for being opened. It can be used regardless of who makes eye contact first; you’ll find it’s one of the few times that you can look at a woman’s eyes first and still reliably come off as charming and sexy.

The way the glance-and-smile works is that once you’ve made eye contact with a woman, and she’s returning your eye contact, you’ll then glance away and smile to yourself as if you’ve just realized something about her, or you’re picturing the two of you together. It will generate a lot of intrigue before you even speak your first word.

This works best with women who are highly socially aware. For obvious reasons, this most often is very beautiful, fashionable women; less attractive women tend to be less socially aware, and may not catch this subtle gesture. So save this one mostly for the top tier of women you meet, looks-wise and status-wise, to put it to best use.

Note on the glance-and-smile: it may be used as a standalone technique, or in conjunction with another form of pre-opening. You can very well use it by itself, but you can also walk up to a woman, pre-open her, the use the glance-and-smile. Use your judgment; depending on the situation, one approach may be superior to another.


Why Pre-Opening Works

Why does pre-opening work? It works because of the reasons we discussed before, and a few others:

  • It displays mountains of confidence. Women know that any man using pre-opening is comfortable with women and not in a needy frame-of-mind whatsoever.
  • It sets the initial chase frame. By having a woman look at you first, you’re setting the early frame in her mind (and in yours) that she is the one pursuing you.
  • It gives women a chance to size you up. In all likelihood, the woman you’re going up to meet is thinking about something else, or talking about something else, or doing something else – and when you first walk up, she has to mentally readjust a little to prepare herself to talk to you. When a guy walks up to her and immediately launches into conversation, it can be jarring and a little disorienting. Giving her a moment to soak your presence in lets her feel far more comfortable when you begin talking to her.

Pre-opening is a spectacular way of getting warmer, stronger, more positive receptions from women almost universally. The more you pre-open, the higher an opening percentage you’ll have, and the better a foot you’ll start off on in every new interaction. Pre-opening does much to benefit your initial approach; if you want to have women at hello, this is one way you can get there a lot more consistently.

Until next time--

Always,
Chase Amante

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Comments

John's picture

The small step after Pre-Openings


Hello, I've been reading a bunch of your articles over the last few days and I've noticed so many things that either went wrong or I missed in my past relationships. I'm guessing you get a lot of praise, but your articles are incredibly helpful and I enjoy the touch of humor.

The problem I've been having though is the problem of no preconnection. In my past relationships I've had something to talk about or some reason to at least say hello, but now I'm faced with the problem of asking out a girl completely out of the blue. So, to quote one of your quotes: “I saw you standing over here, and I just had to come tell you, that…” What should come after that? I'm also currently in high school, thus it basically takes out the chance that I will be able to catch her when she is alone.

If you have any tips I will gladly appreciate them.

Chase Amante's picture

Re: The small step after Pre-Openings

Author

Hey John,

Thanks, man. Actually, I think you're the first one who's commented on here that I have a sense of humor. Guess I'm losing my touch...

After you open, you want to have an air about you as if it's inevitable that the two of you will get together. Don't worry if you get this wrong the first few times you try; focus on getting it, and you will. This puts girls WAY at ease on the opener, and gets them really quite excited about talking to you and opening up to you.

Next, ask a few casual questions to get you into "get to know you" territory. Something cheesy can be good if a girl is warm on your approach -- e.g., talking to a girl in your school and saying, "Let me guess: you go to school here too, right?" or something teasing, "So how come I keep seeing you in the halls and you haven't tried to ask me out yet?" (be prepared for her to tease back, though!), or just jump into connecting, "So how's your day going? [she answers] What classes do you go to here? [she answers] Oh rock on; you're pretty cute, I don't know why we haven't talked before. We should totally grab an ice cream after school one of these days. [she protests] Yes we should. Tell you what, I'm going to give you my number, and I want you to text me when you want to get that ice cream, okay? Or at least to say 'hi.'"

Hope this helps get you started, bro! Anyway, starting now in school is great -- it'll get you sharpened up for the wide world that comes next.

Best,
Chase

John's picture

Thanks Chase! I tried out


Thanks Chase!

I tried out what you said and I got her to laugh a few times and the opening was pretty great. Sadly though, because she told me she had a boyfriend I couldn't do any thing else, but there is always a next time.

Thanks again, and keep up the wonderful work!
John

Chase Amante's picture

Re: Thanks Chase! I tried out

Author

Great work, John! As you tighten up your opening game and midgame, you'll get the boyfriend objection less and less -- keep improving, and you'll find things go ever more smoothly.

Cheers man,
Chase

Alex's picture

Hey Chase, great material so


Hey Chase, great material so far in what I've read in your page. I've been knowledgeable in some and very new in others (I'm only 22 after all).

One thing I am wondering about pre-opening though is how should I attempt to do it if you're deaf in one ear? I've been hitting the bar scene and many of the times I pre-open to a girl/approach, I get stuck at that step if they can't hear me. Usually this throws off my balance and all the work goes to heck. I guess it's got to do mostly with disappointment than success, but whenever this happens, it truly throws off any momentum I might have had to begin with. Any tips on how to avoid this? I tried approaching to the opposite side but I guess this is a disadvantage I have due to me being only limited to do so from the left side instead of both sides.

Any advice at all would be a tremendous help, thanks a bunch.

Anonymous's picture

Height


Im 6' 8", not awkward but very tall and i have noticed in the past that sometimes when people turn around and find themselves facing towards me they give a jolt or are frightened. How would you see to combat this, as a man of my height may scare the woman rather than invite her.

Daniel's picture

Opening Lines


Hey Chase!

So I've been reading a lot about your pre-opening and non-verbal communication articles, and I understand that it's much more important to focus on how you act around women than what you say to them, but I was wondering what sorts of good conversation starters you have gathered during your years of experience that you found to be very smooth transitions from a pre-opener that can set you up for a good deep dive. Like what would your top five generic conversation openers be, if you had to choose?

All the best,
Daniel

Dave's picture

Pre-opening


Hey Chase, I found this article very interesting! Something I have learnt after years of meeting girls is that they decide whether or not they are "Into" whithin the first few seconds! The Pre-opening is a good way to sometimes distract them from the quick judgement, If they do judge you then you will look a lot more confident! Thanks again Chase, your articles are always very helpful.

Lucas's picture

It works!


Chase, I'm really thankful you've put all this information out!

Just wanted to share a success story: I was in the airport, coming through security, and I spotted a cute girl in the line parallel to me. As I was putting my belt back on, I glanced her way and we locked eyes for half a second, before I looked away and grinned to myself. (I could see right away she was interested.) She sat down nearby to put her shoes on, and when she looked up from tying them I introduced myself. We chatted for a few seconds, but then my friend walked up, and I went to lunch with him as I promised I would. I told her I'd see her later.

Do you know what? She found me as I was finishing my lunch and asked if she could sit and talk with me! So we chatted for an hour before her flight; I think I did a good job deep-diving with her, but not chase-framing or seeming sexual. She was somewhat conservative, and I really didn't have a private place to make a move on her, so nothing came of it in the end. I went for a kiss, but she diverted me to a hug instead. (She took my email address, but of course never wrote me.)

Anyway, could have gone better, but I definitely put some of your tips to good use nonetheless!
Cheers,
Lucas

Vladimir K.'s picture

Beautiful women are more socially aware?


I was intrigued by your statement about the glance and smile technique that "For obvious reasons, this most often is very beautiful, fashionable women; less attractive women tend to be less socially aware, and may not catch this subtle gesture."

I've observed notable behavior differences between more attractive and less attractive women but have never discerned what those differences are and why they occur. Would you mind explaining the link between attractiveness and social-awareness, and how big a role fashion plays into it (would a beautiful but not fashionable woman understand the Glance and Smile and other subtle cues)?

Oh and I want to thank you very much for this site. After trying many different sources of dating advice (which have proved useless), I'm glad that you have put together a resource for solid and tested advice.

IHeartWomen's picture

Lingering Touch - Eye Contact


Great article! Quick question. When using "Lingering touch," you said, "A man walks up to a woman and places the palm of his hand on her elbow. She turns to look at him, resting her eyes on his. He moves his eyes over to meet hers..."

Where should he be looking when she first looks at him? Off into space, and then look at her? I'm a little confused. Thank you for the clarification

The Promethean Man's picture

The question above is good.


The question above is good. This is an interesting article as recently I've been 'pre-opening' naturally. Whenever I'm at a bar with friends, I use my peripherals to see if a cutie is nearby. I then move my hand over to touch her arm as I'm still facing my friend and talking, but I'm starting to turn my body a little. After she turns around, then I turn to face her.

Also, in the elite eye-contact post, you made a good point about the 'waiting' eyes. When I was first learning to get better at eye-contact, I'd walk down the street and try to look everyone in the eyes as I passed by. I slowly started feeling like this is chode behavior similar to 'value scanning' at a bar. Now I just look straight ahead and will only make eye-contact if I notice someone look at me first.

Nice job, keep up the good posts!

~ http://theprometheanman.blogspot.com

Theprince's picture

Hey chase I really like this


Hey chase I really like this article and I and excited to add it to my game. But I just had one question about the glance and smile. When do you actually do this? Before you start walking towards her/when you're somewhat close to her/or do you do it farther away then after a few minutes move in to talk to her? Please help me out here cause I'm really wanting to give it a try!

Thomas's picture

I'm not sure I understand


I'm not sure I understand this fully.
The man touches the girl's arm so that she turns to see who wanted her attention, and then the man pretends he hadn't noticed her yet? This seems like such an obvious and potentially awkward thing to do.

William-'s picture

smiling problem


Good ideas and advice. I'm confident in speaking to women, but find it hard to smile. Any ideas about how to crack a smile on demand?

Anonymous's picture

How to Introduce one self on Facebook or dating sities


Hi Chase,

How to Introduce one self on Facebook or dating sities ?

How do I judge if she has read (as FB does not give Tick for messages sent to people not in friend-list ) message ;

When to send a follow-up message?

Message her so as to get her to reply...

Best Regards,
Maandhar
(India)

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