Saturday, 20 June 2009
Opening (or engaging a woman verbally for the first time) in-and-of itself is a necessity, something that must be done 96% of the time when you want to meet a girl (if we imagine that about 4% of opening is done by women themselves). It’s unavoidable and inescapable. Different types of openers can net you different results – with direct openers being of course the flavor of opening that typically offers the most bang for your buck.
But outside the words used in the opener itself, there are in fact a few other things you can do with your openers to have them serve you far better.
Enter pre-opening. A term I coined to give name to a handful of small nonverbal gestures that net big returns in opening percentages and efficacy.
This is stuff that will get more girls opening for you, more eagerly. If you want women falling all over themselves when you first say hello, outside of making changes to your clothing, hairstyle, posture, eye contact, voice, and other fundamentals, this – pre-opening – is the way to do it.
There are several categories of pre-opening I’d like to cover here, so rather than spend a lot of time talking about the how and why, let’s just dive into them and hash that part of it out as we go.
Pre-opening by definition is an action that you take with a woman prior to verbally engaging her. It’s something you’ll use to get a woman’s attention and prime her to be opened.
We’re going to chiefly use touch to pre-open, although as you’ll see in the “Glance and Smile” section below, pre-opening certainly isn’t limited to touch by any means. Rather, touch is simply the most common and straightforward way for you to pre-open.
The reason pre-opening works is simple: you typically want a woman to be looking at you first. This is the first step in setting up the chase dynamic that you want –you want those subconscious signals firing in a girl’s mind that she noticed you first, that she was interested in you first, that she is chasing you and pursuing you. The early stages of an interaction with a new woman go much more smoothly when you start off using this dynamic than they do when you start off as the pursuer (as the one making the initial eye contact). By using touch, you’re able to get a woman looking at you before you are looking at her. Check out the article on elite eye contact for a little more information on how eye contact comes into play here.
Some standard pre-openers include lightly resting your hand on a woman’s arm until she turns to look at you, or placing your hand on her shoulder and perhaps squeezing her shoulder a few times if she is slow to turn. A half-second after her eyes are gazing at yours, you turn to her very casually with a warm smile and begin your verbal opener.
The reason this works so effectively is twofold:
Pre-opening should become an essential, core element of your opening strategy in nearly every occasion. It does so many good things for your opening it can’t be emphasized enough.
A variation of standard pre-opening is the nudge. Simple enough to remember, you walk up to a girl who isn’t gazing your way, and preferably is leaning against something – a wall, a bar, etc. Then, you nudge her – either give her a gentle hip bump with your own hips, or give her a light, playful shove in the arm with your arm. When she turns to look at you, look at her back, and give her a playful smile.
As a bonus, if you smile at her like you’re about to begin laughing, she’ll often catch the emotion and burst into a bit of laughter herself. This makes for a very fun, light pre-opening, and you can still proceed with any kind of verbal opener you decide on (direct is fantastic here, since she is already receiving you warmly – might as well go with the most powerful, effective opener!).
After physically pre-opening (by first touching a girl to get her attention), you can use something I call the “lingering touch.” The lingering touch consists of leaving your hand where it’s resting on the girl you’ve just pre-opened, and holding eye contact with her with a warm smile on your face for a second or a pair of seconds before you begin your opener.
A lingering touch might look like this:
A man walks up to a woman and places the palm of his hand on her elbow. She turns to look at him, resting her eyes on his. He moves his eyes over to meet hers, and smiles at her warmly while he gazes into her eyes for two seconds. At last, he speaks: “I saw you standing over here, and I just had to come tell you, that…”
It’s something you’ll see sometimes in movies, in fact, where an incredibly suave, romantic man walks up to engage a beautiful woman he’s just seen. And just as women swoon for it in the movies, they swoon for it in real life, too.
Glance and Smile
The glance-and-smile is a non-physical means of pre-opening that relies instead on eye contact and smiling to prep a woman for being opened. It can be used regardless of who makes eye contact first; you’ll find it’s one of the few times that you can look at a woman’s eyes first and still reliably come off as charming and sexy.
The way the glance-and-smile works is that once you’ve made eye contact with a woman, and she’s returning your eye contact, you’ll then glance away and smile to yourself as if you’ve just realized something about her, or you’re picturing the two of you together. It will generate a lot of intrigue before you even speak your first word.
This works best with women who are highly socially aware. For obvious reasons, this most often is very beautiful, fashionable women; less attractive women tend to be less socially aware, and may not catch this subtle gesture. So save this one mostly for the top tier of women you meet, looks-wise and status-wise, to put it to best use.
Note on the glance-and-smile: it may be used as a standalone technique, or in conjunction with another form of pre-opening. You can very well use it by itself, but you can also walk up to a woman, pre-open her, the use the glance-and-smile. Use your judgment; depending on the situation, one approach may be superior to another.
Why Pre-Opening Works
Why does pre-opening work? It works because of the reasons we discussed before, and a few others:
- It displays mountains of confidence. Women know that any man using pre-opening is comfortable with women and not in a needy frame-of-mind whatsoever.
- It sets the initial chase frame. By having a woman look at you first, you’re setting the early frame in her mind (and in yours) that she is the one pursuing you.
- It gives women a chance to size you up. In all likelihood, the woman you’re going up to meet is thinking about something else, or talking about something else, or doing something else – and when you first walk up, she has to mentally readjust a little to prepare herself to talk to you. When a guy walks up to her and immediately launches into conversation, it can be jarring and a little disorienting. Giving her a moment to soak your presence in lets her feel far more comfortable when you begin talking to her.
Pre-opening is a spectacular way of getting warmer, stronger, more positive receptions from women almost universally. The more you pre-open, the higher an opening percentage you’ll have, and the better a foot you’ll start off on in every new interaction. Pre-opening does much to benefit your initial approach; if you want to have women at hello, this is one way you can get there a lot more consistently.
Until next time--
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