Pre-Opening | Girls Chase

Pre-Opening

pre-openingOpening (or engaging a woman verbally for the first time) in-and-of itself is a necessity, something that must be done 96% of the time when you want to meet a girl (if we imagine that about 4% of opening is done by women themselves). It’s unavoidable and inescapable. Different types of openers can net you different results – with direct openers being of course the flavor of opening that typically offers the most bang for your buck.

But outside the words used in the opener itself, there are in fact a few other things you can do with your openers to have them serve you far better.

Enter pre-opening. A term I coined to give name to a handful of small nonverbal gestures that net big returns in opening percentages and efficacy.

This is stuff that will get more girls opening for you, more eagerly. If you want women falling all over themselves when you first say hello, outside of making changes to your clothing, hairstyle, posture, eye contact, voice, and other fundamentals, this – pre-opening – is the way to do it.

There are several categories of pre-opening I’d like to cover here, so rather than spend a lot of time talking about the how and why, let’s just dive into them and hash that part of it out as we go.

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his Mastery Package.

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Comments

John's picture

Hello, I've been reading a bunch of your articles over the last few days and I've noticed so many things that either went wrong or I missed in my past relationships. I'm guessing you get a lot of praise, but your articles are incredibly helpful and I enjoy the touch of humor.

The problem I've been having though is the problem of no preconnection. In my past relationships I've had something to talk about or some reason to at least say hello, but now I'm faced with the problem of asking out a girl completely out of the blue. So, to quote one of your quotes: “I saw you standing over here, and I just had to come tell you, that…” What should come after that? I'm also currently in high school, thus it basically takes out the chance that I will be able to catch her when she is alone.

If you have any tips I will gladly appreciate them.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Hey John,

Thanks, man. Actually, I think you're the first one who's commented on here that I have a sense of humor. Guess I'm losing my touch...

After you open, you want to have an air about you as if it's inevitable that the two of you will get together. Don't worry if you get this wrong the first few times you try; focus on getting it, and you will. This puts girls WAY at ease on the opener, and gets them really quite excited about talking to you and opening up to you.

Next, ask a few casual questions to get you into "get to know you" territory. Something cheesy can be good if a girl is warm on your approach -- e.g., talking to a girl in your school and saying, "Let me guess: you go to school here too, right?" or something teasing, "So how come I keep seeing you in the halls and you haven't tried to ask me out yet?" (be prepared for her to tease back, though!), or just jump into connecting, "So how's your day going? [she answers] What classes do you go to here? [she answers] Oh rock on; you're pretty cute, I don't know why we haven't talked before. We should totally grab an ice cream after school one of these days. [she protests] Yes we should. Tell you what, I'm going to give you my number, and I want you to text me when you want to get that ice cream, okay? Or at least to say 'hi.'"

Hope this helps get you started, bro! Anyway, starting now in school is great -- it'll get you sharpened up for the wide world that comes next.

Best,
Chase

John's picture

Thanks Chase!

I tried out what you said and I got her to laugh a few times and the opening was pretty great. Sadly though, because she told me she had a boyfriend I couldn't do any thing else, but there is always a next time.

Thanks again, and keep up the wonderful work!
John

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Great work, John! As you tighten up your opening game and midgame, you'll get the boyfriend objection less and less -- keep improving, and you'll find things go ever more smoothly.

Cheers man,
Chase

Alex's picture

Hey Chase, great material so far in what I've read in your page. I've been knowledgeable in some and very new in others (I'm only 22 after all).

One thing I am wondering about pre-opening though is how should I attempt to do it if you're deaf in one ear? I've been hitting the bar scene and many of the times I pre-open to a girl/approach, I get stuck at that step if they can't hear me. Usually this throws off my balance and all the work goes to heck. I guess it's got to do mostly with disappointment than success, but whenever this happens, it truly throws off any momentum I might have had to begin with. Any tips on how to avoid this? I tried approaching to the opposite side but I guess this is a disadvantage I have due to me being only limited to do so from the left side instead of both sides.

Any advice at all would be a tremendous help, thanks a bunch.

Anonymous's picture

Im 6' 8", not awkward but very tall and i have noticed in the past that sometimes when people turn around and find themselves facing towards me they give a jolt or are frightened. How would you see to combat this, as a man of my height may scare the woman rather than invite her.

Daniel's picture

Hey Chase!

So I've been reading a lot about your pre-opening and non-verbal communication articles, and I understand that it's much more important to focus on how you act around women than what you say to them, but I was wondering what sorts of good conversation starters you have gathered during your years of experience that you found to be very smooth transitions from a pre-opener that can set you up for a good deep dive. Like what would your top five generic conversation openers be, if you had to choose?

All the best,
Daniel

Dave's picture

Hey Chase, I found this article very interesting! Something I have learnt after years of meeting girls is that they decide whether or not they are "Into" whithin the first few seconds! The Pre-opening is a good way to sometimes distract them from the quick judgement, If they do judge you then you will look a lot more confident! Thanks again Chase, your articles are always very helpful.

Lucas's picture

Chase, I'm really thankful you've put all this information out!

Just wanted to share a success story: I was in the airport, coming through security, and I spotted a cute girl in the line parallel to me. As I was putting my belt back on, I glanced her way and we locked eyes for half a second, before I looked away and grinned to myself. (I could see right away she was interested.) She sat down nearby to put her shoes on, and when she looked up from tying them I introduced myself. We chatted for a few seconds, but then my friend walked up, and I went to lunch with him as I promised I would. I told her I'd see her later.

Do you know what? She found me as I was finishing my lunch and asked if she could sit and talk with me! So we chatted for an hour before her flight; I think I did a good job deep-diving with her, but not chase-framing or seeming sexual. She was somewhat conservative, and I really didn't have a private place to make a move on her, so nothing came of it in the end. I went for a kiss, but she diverted me to a hug instead. (She took my email address, but of course never wrote me.)

Anyway, could have gone better, but I definitely put some of your tips to good use nonetheless!
Cheers,
Lucas

Vladimir K.'s picture

I was intrigued by your statement about the glance and smile technique that "For obvious reasons, this most often is very beautiful, fashionable women; less attractive women tend to be less socially aware, and may not catch this subtle gesture."

I've observed notable behavior differences between more attractive and less attractive women but have never discerned what those differences are and why they occur. Would you mind explaining the link between attractiveness and social-awareness, and how big a role fashion plays into it (would a beautiful but not fashionable woman understand the Glance and Smile and other subtle cues)?

Oh and I want to thank you very much for this site. After trying many different sources of dating advice (which have proved useless), I'm glad that you have put together a resource for solid and tested advice.

IHeartWomen's picture

Great article! Quick question. When using "Lingering touch," you said, "A man walks up to a woman and places the palm of his hand on her elbow. She turns to look at him, resting her eyes on his. He moves his eyes over to meet hers..."

Where should he be looking when she first looks at him? Off into space, and then look at her? I'm a little confused. Thank you for the clarification

The Promethean Man's picture

The question above is good. This is an interesting article as recently I've been 'pre-opening' naturally. Whenever I'm at a bar with friends, I use my peripherals to see if a cutie is nearby. I then move my hand over to touch her arm as I'm still facing my friend and talking, but I'm starting to turn my body a little. After she turns around, then I turn to face her.

Also, in the elite eye-contact post, you made a good point about the 'waiting' eyes. When I was first learning to get better at eye-contact, I'd walk down the street and try to look everyone in the eyes as I passed by. I slowly started feeling like this is chode behavior similar to 'value scanning' at a bar. Now I just look straight ahead and will only make eye-contact if I notice someone look at me first.

Nice job, keep up the good posts!

~ http://theprometheanman.blogspot.com

Theprince's picture

Hey chase I really like this article and I and excited to add it to my game. But I just had one question about the glance and smile. When do you actually do this? Before you start walking towards her/when you're somewhat close to her/or do you do it farther away then after a few minutes move in to talk to her? Please help me out here cause I'm really wanting to give it a try!

Thomas's picture

I'm not sure I understand this fully.
The man touches the girl's arm so that she turns to see who wanted her attention, and then the man pretends he hadn't noticed her yet? This seems like such an obvious and potentially awkward thing to do.

William-'s picture

Good ideas and advice. I'm confident in speaking to women, but find it hard to smile. Any ideas about how to crack a smile on demand?

Anonymous's picture

Hi Chase,

How to Introduce one self on Facebook or dating sities ?

How do I judge if she has read (as FB does not give Tick for messages sent to people not in friend-list ) message ;

When to send a follow-up message?

Message her so as to get her to reply...

Best Regards,
Maandhar
(India)

Anonymous's picture

This is possibly the one and only article you have written, Chase, that didn't make any sense to me. I don't understand are you trying to say I go ahead and grope someone who doesnt even know I exist? I can see Channing Tatum pulling this one off, but me of all people. Duh!!
Tell me, you are not trying to get me slapped in the face?

Charles's picture

Wonder if this works on new girls only or you can get a girl you already know warm and excited to see you again.

Too Short's picture

Hi Chase! I recently discovered your site and find it to be very helpful. But this particular entry has me confused and nervous. You really expect me to just walk up to a cute girl and touch her like you say? Put my hand gently on her arm after sidling up next to her? Or squeeze her shoulder a few times until she turns around? For real? Isn't this technically assault? Like, aren't I just asking for trouble?

I only see myself getting punched or kicked in the groin. Some creepy stranger walking up and touching a chick like that? I'm not Brad Pitt or George Clooney or Chase Amante over here. I mean I'm not a troll either but come on man. I can't imagine that going well for me at all.

If I do this and I get kicked in the groin or pepper sprayed I'm gonna be pissed at you dude. This is not a trolling comment I am genuinely concerned about this advice. Are you serious?

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Too Short-

Yes, of course, you need some basic social calibration to do this.

If you’re afraid of touching people you don’t know / don’t know how to do it without being a creep, this is not where you should be starting.

Instead, I’d recommend working on using the kinds of touch in this article that feel comfortable/doable to you, and working your way up as you become more socially calibrated:

7 Ways to Touch a Girl + 3 Ways to Have HER Touch YOU

Chase

Lawliet's picture

It's all about the look

If you go up to her, hesistant and nervous with a pervy eye going on like a creeper. Or watching her from a far for awhile before doing this, you'll definitely look like a creeper.

If you do it casually. Walk up, don't look at her or at your hand, and cup her elbow while you're seemingly distracted.

She turns to look at you, and you casually turn to meet her eyes.

She'll take it as you trying to get her attention. Just that and you're boom.

If you really want to come off less strong, you can try doing a upper arm tap as suggested in Chase's article. It's more incidental, and not as cliche as shoulder tap, but it doesn't give you a strong boost like an elbow or something that kicks her out of auto pilot.

Calibrate and stay classy
Lawliet

Kay's picture

"The reason pre-opening works is (...) subconscious signals firing in a girl’s mind that she noticed you first, that she was interested in you first, that she is chasing you and pursuing you."

Great article but I have another theory about why it works (the first technique).

Imagine two friends sitting on a bench. Person X is just chilling, person Y is intently texting on their phone. X notices something of interest, and while still focusing on whatever the thing is, nudges Y ("Hey check this out..."). X remains focused on whatever has caught his attention and doesn't turn to gauge Y's reaction until he sees a reaction from the corner of his eye.

Looks like a perfectly natural, familiar interaction right? Now imagine X is texting and Y notices something. Y nudges X and stares at him until he finishes on his phone, eager to see how he reacts.

Who seems like the more dominant, confident, less needy character? X obviously.

Even dominant, confident men sometimes need to get people's attention, and women know this. But:
-they can go about it the same way they would with a familiar friend.
-they will expend the least effort possible.
-they aren't scared of touching.
-they won't give someone their FULL attention without receiving some attention first.

TLDR: Pre-opening is being so unfazed by the situation that you don't have to give it your full attention until you are damn well ready.

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