Shotgun Opening and Reopening Women Later in the Night


Today I want to talk about two different but related kinds of opening:

  • Shotgun opening, and
  • Reopening

You'll mostly use these with women in social nighttime venues (bars and clubs, parties, networking events), but they're practical by day as well, in the right places (charity events or rallies, beach parties, barbecues and cookouts).

Shotgun opening coupled with reopening is an effective one-two punch for talking to lots of girls while not getting overly bogged down in go-nowhere conversations with women who are only interested in you socially, rather than romantically. This is how you work the crowd and build a foundation in social events that you build on later into the evening.

shotgun opening and reopening

Done right, you'll frequently find yourself with a bunch of women who already know you and are comfortable with you and who may even be actively chasing you later into the night, when their walls are up to other men just beginning to approach them fueled by liquid courage (that is, alcohol), who will be standing around wondering how you're getting such warm receptions with all these gals while they face one cold shoulder after another.

Shotgun opening + reopening is how.


shotgun opening and reopening

The term "shotgun" is often used to mean an approach that has a wide area of effect, like the spread of most shotgun shells when fired, and shotgun opening is no different. With shotgun opening your aim is not to pick one girl and stick with her right away... rather, it is to meet lots of women, and keep moving and meeting more. This can be because:

  • You're good at quick reads and only need a minute or two of talking to a girl to know whether or not she's someone you want to go for and whether you stand a reasonable chance of getting her

  • You're very out of your element (e.g., not used to being places like this - maybe it's your first time at a loud nightclub, or you're at the Full Moon Party in Koh Phangan, Thailand and it's just sensory overload), and rather than try to narrow it down and pick the women you want to talk to carefully, you just want to keep moving and work the crowd until you get more of a feel for things

  • You're building up your social momentum for the night and just getting the ball rolling

  • You're still pretty inexperienced, and struggling with making good conversation with women, and want to focus more on doing a lot of opening and getting comfortable in-venue for the moment

Whatever the case may be, you use shotgun opening because you're not planning on sticking around for a long time engaging in chitchat. So, you break out your shotgun approach and start firing off some slugs.


What Shotgun Opening Looks Like

shotgun opening and reopeningWhen you're shotgun opening, you're not carefully selecting the individuals you want to meet; instead, you open whoever's nearest to you, with only the most basic of screening. The point is to be continually in conversation with somebody. Attractive women are preferable, but you just want to be talking.

When you first walk into a venue or event and begin running shotgun opening, you'll start speaking casually to whoever's near at hand. Obviously, avoid anyone who's going to cause you negative social proof or negative preselection - don't get seen chatting up the chubby fat girl or the creepy reclusive guy as the first person you talk to, and even if he or she's the 20th person you've talked to, keep the conversation very short - but more or less grab whoever's close by to you, is open to being engaged, and doesn't look completely terrible to talk to.

After talking for a few minutes, disengage, and move onto the next person nearby. With time and a little targeting (but not much; talking to someone is most important, while picking the right person to talk to is of secondary importance - keep that momentum rolling), you'll end up talking to really cool guys and really pretty girls, and these are the ones you want to spend a bit more time on. Engage them more; compliment them genuinely, if you can; make sure you trade names, and exchange a few personal pieces of information. Banter around a bit and be playful. Then, on a high point, exit the conversation and keep moving... UNLESS:

  • You've found a girl you know you definitely want to talk to and who's clearly receptive to you

  • You've found a guy who might make a really cool friend, or is otherwise very good to get to know right now

Otherwise, pick a high point to get out, and move on.

Here's a sample shotgun opening:

[you step into a bar; immediately, you turn to the guy next to you, who seems unoccupied]

You: How's your night going?

Him: Eh, you know... just getting started.

[chit-chat for a few minutes]

You: ... just make sure none of these girls steal your drink!

Him: [laughs]

You: I'm going to go scout out the rest of this place and see what's going on - I'll catch you later.

Him: All right.

[you walk up to the bar, and notice a cute girl nearby]

You: [preopen her] How's the wait for drinks right now?

Her: Not too bad... I've only been here a few minutes, and he's already getting my drinks. It'll get busier later though.

You: Sounds like you know the ins and outs of this joint.

Her: [laughs] I guess I am kind of a regular.

You: No harm in that. [she gets her drinks and pays] I'll let you get back to your table.

Her: Nice to meet you.

You: Oh, I'm Rick, by the way.

Her: Esmeralda.

You: See you later, Esmeralda.

Her: See you!

... and then you'd just keep going, meeting people as you mingle your way through the venue.

Note that you are letting the girl go here, because it's a natural place for her to leave, and you're also ending on a high point. This does a host of good things for you, including:

  • Shows you have an abundance mindset, which implies you do well with women, and also reassures her you won't be a social burden

  • Generates intrigue about you - most guys try to hang onto her and not let her leave; so what's your story?

  • Leaves her on a high point, which causes her to think about you in a good way during your absence - and as we know, anticipation and mental energy spent thinking about and hoping to meet someone again only ramps up attraction

The only real risk here, of course, is that you don't get the chance to talk to this girl again... but if you're circulating naturally and meeting lots of people, you should be meeting a number of women you like (unless it's a smaller or less popular venue), which means you're going to have options for whom you reconnect with later on.


Shotgun Opening Does Not Mean Social Butterflying

One difference that's well worth pointing out is that between shotgun opening and social butterflying: shotgun opening is NOT the same as social butterflying.

Social butterflying is about making friends with everybody in an event or venue. Shotgun opening is about opening people a bit more strategically, with an eye toward getting to know attractive women. With shotgun opening, the goal is either:

  • Warm women up to be reopened (discussed more below), or

  • Keep running through opens until you find a girl you really click with

You must be very aware of when a woman is giving you heavy signs she likes you and showing a lot of interest, and when you see it, full stop and engage with her, and begin running through your process with her.

Effectively, in this way, you're either using shotgun opening to wade through lots of candidates quickly to find the one you want, OR you're using it to warm women up for you to interact with them later.

There must be an objective aside from "just talk to people", obviously - your objective is still to meet a girl and get a phone number or invite her home.

If you're not running your conversations with a clear objective, you're social butterflying, which is not nearly as conducive to succeeding with women than shotgun opening done right.


shotgun opening and reopening

If I had to give you one killer piece of advice to take your reopening to the next level, it'd be this: start earlier. The earlier you start, the more women you're going to tend to meet, the lower their walls will be when you meet them, and the more women you'll have to reopen later and the warmer they will be to see you.

But let's backtrack a moment. What's all this reopening stuff?

Reopening, simply enough, is when you re-approach a girl you've previously approached and jump back into conversation with her again. You reopen her, and reinitiate conversation with her.

Reopening's a handy enough skill to have at your disposal, but where it really shines is when you combine it with effective shotgun opening.


Do Women Want to be Reopened?

shotgun opening and reopeningWhen I first started going out to meet women, I assumed that if a conversation ended, the girl probably wouldn't want to talk to me again, and I'd be making a nuisance of myself to go re-approach her. But, after a number of incidents of women who'd cut earlier interactions with me short coming up and reopening me, I decided to take a crack at doing the reopening myself.

And I was surprised! Women who'd given me lukewarm receptions before started giving me warm receptions on the reopen. Women who'd been friendly with me earlier became affectionate with me the second time around. Not all of them, not all the time, but the frequency was pretty surprising to me.

"Why are so many girls warmer to me the second time around?" I wondered. "If our conversation ended the FIRST time around, shouldn't that mean they've already decided they aren't interested??!"

What I eventually realized was happening was this:

  • Unless I'd had an especially bad blowout or rejection, most women weren't 100% remembering later on in the night that they'd cut things off with me a few hours earlier, because it didn't stick much in their minds - they just remembered we'd talked, the conversation had ended... and now here we are talking again!

  • With the interactions women did remember ending things with, because I was cool about it, smiled and shrugged, and continued on meeting new people, many of these girls gained respect for me on the exit - unlike many guys experiencing a rejection, I didn't get upset, didn't chase, didn't act needy, and just went happily on my way and soon found myself in conversation with someone else attractive. Girls watching this after sending me on my way sometimes saw this and thought, "Oh, wow - this guy's a stronger dude than he seemed on first glance"

Even though I wasn't all that good with women yet, and wasn't terribly interesting or intriguing, and certainly wasn't remotely sexy at that point, women were happy to see me later and greeted me with like we were old friends simply because we'd had a positive interaction earlier and we'd parted ways smoothly and cleanly.

The most surprising thing for me to realize was how few men let women go without being weird about it in bars and nightclubs. Simply not being weird when the interaction ends nets you TONS of points with most women that it's not even funny. You stand out purely on the basis of being "normal" (which isn't really all that normal after all).

What I figured out was that women go through a thought process like this:

  • On open: "This guy seems okay. Is he going to get weird and start hanging onto me when I try to go off and do my own thing though? Oh man, I hate meeting randoms just for this reason."

  • On first split: "Oh. He was totally cool about that. He didn't even get a weird look or beg me to stay or try to buy me a drink or something. Huh. That guy was cooler than I thought."

  • On reopen: "Oh! It's that cool guy I met earlier. Thank GOD, I'm so tired of being bombarded by needy weirdos. I'm glad Cool Guy came up to talk to me again... I'd better hang onto him this time in case I lose him and end up with no one but weirdos to talk to now."

So... why do you get a warmer reception by women on the reopening than on the initial opening, so much of the time? Because you've shown nonchalance, built scarcity, and come back in like a breath of fresh air once she's had a chance to compare you to all those other men who've approached her in the meantime (or, alternately, if she's been not getting approached, a breath of fresh air compared to sitting around by herself with nothing to do and no one exciting to talk with).


The Rules of Reopening

Reopening fortunately isn't too rule-heavy. You don't have to follow some exact sequence or do anything dramatic.

However, there are a few important rules worth keeping in mind:

  1. End on high points. Mentioned in that example of shotgun opening above, ending on high points is how you prepare women to receive you again more favorably. You don't have to end on a high point to reopen - you'll have reopens go fine sometimes even if the original interaction petered out or she broke it off by telling you it was nice meeting you and drifted away. But... things just go so much smoother if you end well. End well, and she'll be thinking about you while you're gone, paving the way for a smooth reentry into conversation again.

  2. Wait a good while. Reopening doesn't mean you end a conversation, then circle back around 30 minutes later. That's pedestrian. If you want the FULL effect of a good reopen, make it at least an hour and a half later... otherwise, you don't seem all that scarce. An hour and a half?! you might say; Won't she leave??! Well, she might - that's what makes reopening a risky move. That's also why if you really hit it off with a girl the first time, you don't break things off... that's just silly. But if it's only going just okay, or her interest levels in you are only moderate, or she isn't clearly the one you're looking for then and there, at least not at first blush, you can break off your first conversation with her, and if she's still around later on in the night, you can resume with her again later.

  3. Come in like an old friend. This one seems obvious to me, but always worth covering the basics. Do not deliver a standard opener all over again, as if she's a stranger... of course. Instead, just be happy to see her: "Heyyyyy! Fancy running into you again, Esmeralda! How's your night unfolding?" Using the "suddenly notice her" opener discussed in the article on approaching girls sitting down is very good too - especially if she's sitting down.

  4. One reopen is really all you need. If a girl isn't very warm on your first reopen, she usually won't improve much if you leave a second time and return again later a second time. I say "usually" because you will see scenarios where, for example, things fell through with the guy she was really hoping would take her home, and now, screw it, she'll just go with that guy who's been checking in with her off and on all night. These are rare though. Most of the time, butterflying back and forth between her and a lot of other people isn't going to do anything other than waste your time; reopen her once, and if it's more on the second time, make something happen; if not, bail and reopen another girl from earlier or meet someone new.

See? Not too hard, right?

Now let's put these two together.


The Combo: Shotgun Opening + Reopening Later

shotgun opening and reopeningHere's that one-two punch we kicked off the article with: starting off your evening with shotgun opening, and finishing up with reopening.

Again, pretty simple; all you're doing is going around doing a lot of opening early on into an outing, and then circling back around and building on that foundation via reopening as the evening progresses. There are just a couple of things to be mindful of here:

  • The earlier you start, the better. Shotgun opening becomes increasingly impractical the later into the night you get, the louder the music becomes, and the more wary the girls get after being hit on by one un-smooth drunk after another. It's easiest at the very start of the night, as people just start to drift into a venue, walking in excited and ready for a night of fun and socializing. When I want to do a lot of shotgun opening, I almost always arrive at a venue first thing as it's opening, to build that foundation with everyone as they filter in, and I'd advise you do the same.

  • Don't start trying to settle into an interaction too soon. When you start sufficiently early, and there are few people there, you'll tend to circle back and reopen people you talked to already naturally fairly quickly because there's literally no one else there. That's fine. These people can serve as your "base of operations" for later in the night... you don't have to follow the "hour and a half rule" with them. But, don't get too comfortable just sitting around and chatting with them, unless you've met a girl you're really hitting it off with (and in that case, you ought to be pulling her fairly soon, not hanging around to get plastered with her and her friends). Keep it moving, and keep shotgun opening new people (and especially new girls) as they appear.

  • As the night progresses, shift into "targeted" mode. Shotgun opening decreases in effectiveness as the men in a venue begin to get drunk and start opening the girls there, and also as the venue gets increasingly crowded and girls start feeling less protected and less secure. This is typically when you want to start switching into a more targeted opening mode, and start looking for women you met earlier to reopen (as well as new women you judge are likely to be more open to meeting you).

If you're still not getting anywhere by later in the night, and your reopens have failed to pan out, you can run more shotgun opening toward the very end of the night - this is often the most effective way to work a crowd and figure out which girls have shifted from "party mode" to "oh no, I don't want the night to be over mode".

Much of the time though, if you set enough of a foundation for yourself with your early shotgun opening, you'll find you have a pretty easy time getting in with at least a few cute girls later. The only thing to be careful of here: that they're happy to see you because they're attracted, and not because they're just glad to see a familiar face in a sea of unknowns. As always, follow your process, and rapidly escalate compliance and have girls move with you, and you'll quickly screen out the ones who are only socially interested in you, rather than romantically interested.


When Should You Use This Approach?

I've always used the shotgun open + reopen combo most often in:

  • Big, loud nightclubs where everyone's in fun / party mode
  • Networking events where everyone's mingling
  • Situations where a girl's with a big social circle

On that last one, that's one of the time you'll use this in a more targeted way; e.g., you'll see a girl you like, wait for a moment to ping her and get into a small conversation (best if you can do this when she's momentarily away from her group), then, later on, run into her again, and have her pull you into her group, provided you can't pull her away.

Even if there are other men there angling for her, it's a lot more difficult for them to gang up on you and get you shunned from the group if the girl says, "This is Rick! We met earlier. He's a dentist!" (which makes it sound like she must really dig you, if she met you earlier and wants to talk to you again) vs. her saying, "This is Rick! He's a dentist, and we just met!" (which makes it sound like she's just being nice, and you're some guy they can easily get rid of).

Another way of reopening girls in groups, provided they liked you enough earlier, is simply locking eye contact with them and motioning them over to you, getting increasingly fun and emphatic about waving them over every time they refuse (if they do). Basically, just get more playful and dramatic in waving them over until they give in and comply.

Shotgun opener + reopening isn't a magic "works every time" approach, but for dealing with situations with a large crowd of women to work through, or in which you'll be better served warming things up early and coming back to them later, it's a very solid combination. Just don't forget to keep your antennae out for that girl who really hooks into you and doesn't need you to peel off and reopen her while you're doing all that shotgun opening... no sense passing up a girl who's already ready when all you'll be doing is coming back to her later trying to get her ready. Keep your thinking cap on!

Yours,
Chase

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Comments

Marty's picture

"Superiority" ☺


Hello Chase,

This is another very insightful article and I particularly enjoyed reading your ideas about preemptive disengagement and nonchalance when a girl goes off to do her own thing. Thinking about past social-event interactions where I have had a (relatively) successful outcome, what they all have in common is that I started out exactly this way, reengaging much, much later and getting a relaxed and warm reception—I think I felt instinctively that this was right, though my process was too poor to go through with the full close.

I was amused to see your three-step tableaux on a girl's thought process! This seems to imply that she regards herself psychologically as "superior" to men, or most men in any case. Is that common, do you believe?

If that's the case, it certainly refutes the traditional feminist view that men are the ones who regard themselves as superior!

-Marty

Chase Amante's picture

Re: "Superiority" ☺

Author

Marty-

I think, especially among women who go to bar / club / party environments, it's almost impossible for most women to NOT view themselves as "superior", to some extent or another, to most men. Imagine if every time you went out, undesirable women (old? fat? ugly? ... these are all female equivalents of clueless, unsavvy, unattractive men) started getting drunk and hitting on you like crazy, and wouldn't take "no" for an answer, so you'd have to start acting either really cold/rude or excusing yourself to go find your friends or head to the bathroom, and keep skirting around the club to get away from clueless girls you didn't want throwing themselves at you, wasting your time and dragging your social status down with them.

It isn't a case of feeling like they're superior to ALL men... it's more a case of becoming conditioned by men to expect that they're superior to many of the men there - but the men they want to meet are not those men. No woman wants to be with a man she feels superior to in the status and desirability hierarchy. Nobody wants to hang out with someone who's a loser, and when guys act like losers, women assume they just are (they might be really cool guys, and just suck at meeting girls in clubs, but walk like a duck and talk like a duck, and people are going to think you're a duck...).

You'll also notice that women who don't go to nighttime venues where they get surrounded by horny, drunk, clueless men that often (or at all) don't have nearly as much of a superiority complex than those that do, even if they are themselves much more beautiful or otherwise desirable than those girls hanging out in the club. It's pure reaction to the environment - when someone is repeatedly treated like a princess, she starts to feel like she is; and when she isn't, she doesn't.

But even the women who are surrounded by men chasing after them long for men who are stronger than them, although they often have difficulty dealing with these men in a comfortable way - e.g., they flip out about not being in control, or auto-reject and go seeking the comfort and security of being demanded, even if by men they don't necessarily want. All the more reason to stick with dating girls you meet via day game than those you meet by night ;)

Chase

Anonymous's picture

Help


Hey Chase.

I have been reading this site for quite some while now.
And as much as you have helped me, i have stumbled into a problem that i think is beyond fixing ( i hope it can be fixed )

I really need your help.

The thing is, it is not about one girl, it is about ALL Girls in my town.

I live in a small town, reputation plays the ultimate role in dating and seduction, relationships etc.
People here, both men and women are extremely attached to facebook.
So when i hit on a girl, either in real life or via facebook, she copies my profile and sends it to her friends, known girls etc, asking about me, and if the word isn`t good, well, i don`t get the girl.

Now i admit, i have done some pretty lame and stupid things in the past, i have said some hefty sum of bad words when i was really ignorant, arrogant and heck of a lot of bitter.

I have changed since then, but the reputation stays the same.

I think i have a really damaged reputation, i may be known as a nice person but when it comes to women i am simply the one that no one would want to have.

I think it is that kind of a situation and here where people ( especially women ) are really attached to facebook, they get information almost instantly.

Now i am not planning on sticking in this town forever, i am planning on moving out soon ( 3 years to be exact ) but in the meantime i want to have girls, lovers, girlfriends etc.

How can i do that with such a damaged reputation?
How do i proceed from here, what should i do, what should i think, what kind of mentality should i adopt?

I really am clueless at this point, i don`t want to spend my next three years alone with just this reading material here.
I do read a lot from this site and i do apply it, it works wonders, but i guess my bad reputation is in my way.

I have asked you once before and you said "to keep a lid on such bad voices", but that is one or two things that are said, this is a whole another ball park, here we are talking about years and years of things done that build reputation.

I am looking forward to your answer, even if it does not help much.

Anything i can have at this point will be a bonus in terms of help.

Thanks again.
All the best.

Chase Amante's picture

Bad Reputation in a Small Town

Author

Anon-

That's a really sticky problem, and I can't say it's one I've dealt with or can think of any easy answers for.

If you could magically teleport yourself away for a few years, starting today, and just approach like crazy and socialize like crazy and meet tons of different people and get a large bunch of numbers, dates, lays, and girlfriends, you could go back to your town with even a bad reputation and have it change for you in a short-ish amount of time, just because everyone would see how radically and genuinely different you'd become from how you used to be, and your old reputation no longer really applied that much. You'd still have some ghosts to combat, but you'd have a reasonably controllable time of it.

The problem with trying to turn things around in a small town where your reputation is already sunk, though, is that no one's going to give you those chances to learn what you need to learn to become somebody different. Kinda like if you lived in a small town with one basketball court, and it was always occupied, and the people playing games there had long since decided that you suck at basketball and don't get to play. If there's nowhere else you can practice, and your bridges are so badly burned that no one's going to give you an "in" to start playing around with and practicing, you're out in the cold.

If you had some means of reinventing yourself in town by taking on a cool new job (bartender, party promoter, etc.) that people respected you for, or hosting exclusive parties that people wanted access to, that could do the trick too, but if it's a small town, chances are there aren't many opportunities like this, and if it really is a small community and you're on the outside, there's a good chance if you throw a party, no one shows up.

The best recommendations I'd have would be to start looking for outlets outside of your town to practice socializing. If you have a car and can leave, do it. If you don't, sign up for online dating at least, and start chatting with women in different cities. If your'e out in the middle of nowhere and there's no one nearby, you might even post a profile in a random city you pick off a map, and pretend you've just moved to town, and make a game out of seeing how many women you can get to agree to a date, or how many you can get to give them your phone numbers. I wouldn't count on setting up dates this way, but at least you'll be interacting with women and honing some aspects of your skill set for when you can get out of there.

Who knows... if you start talking to women in different cities, you may even get a taste for which place has the friendliest women with the most welcoming vibe for you. Sometimes a little extra time to prepare for a move and really study all your options can be a worthwhile thing.

Chase

clark2345's picture

Chase, is it true that girls


Chase,
is it true that girls find feminine looking guys more attractive?
cause I am not AT ALL feminine looking, will that play against me?
will girls find me less attractive?

Chase Amante's picture

Facial Preferences

Author

Clark-

According to this research, women who are ovulating (that is, fertile for impregnation) become significantly more attracted to men with masculine faces. Conversely, women who are not fertile tend to find less masculine and more feminine faces attractive.

According to this bit of research, men with masculine faces have a higher number of short-term sex partners than their peers. This study found that the more attractive a woman believed herself to be, the more masculine she preferred her men to be.

The only research I've seen about feminine faces being preferred in men was the one on non-ovulating women preferring more feminine faces, and one on women from more hygienic countries preferring more feminized men, while dirty / more dangerous third world countries have women who prefer manlier men. Even in the West though, fertile women and attractive women on the whole prefer masculine facial features to feminine ones.

Chase

Moonrayarc's picture

Sharp article!! i confirm it


Sharp article!! i confirm it from my experience! having just few words with people and reopening them later feels like we've long time friends, and usually makes seduction smooth.
i have a question not related completely to the article. When joining a social circle, how to become an important member who is invited to all events and outings?

Chase Amante's picture

Becoming a Key Member of Circles

Author

Moonray-

I'd recommend these two articles - they should give you all the tools you need for this to get started:

Chase

Anonymous's picture

Body Language


Hi Chase!

Have you written anything on how to read a girl's body language? I've found helpful observations here and there on this site, but I'd really like to have an overview to work with. I should point out I'm just getting my feet wet at trying to get girls. Should learning to read body language be a priority for me, or am I trying to take on too much too fast?

Thanks!

Chase Amante's picture

Reading Body Language

Author

Anon-

Yes, reading body language is important! It contains a LOT of extremely useful tips about where you need to take your interactions and how well you're doing or whether you need to change courses.

There are a few articles on the site that address this; check these out:

Chase

Michal's picture

Hi, Chase. I was pondering


Hi, Chase.
I was pondering about proving of our qualities to others the other day. I saw a girl in a lobby crying and all I was thinking was "if we were friends, I would totally made her feel much better" because for most girls I was this safety blanket. I wanted to go there, but I have never done anything like this to just try to calm a stranger because I am quite sure with wrong approach I could make it worse. Then I realized I want to a degree see my female friends in bad times because I would be able to show them my biggest quality. Which is quite selfish and not good but then I thought if this is programmed in all men. Some of us can pick perfect presents for their family or other friends, so they maybe try to win over a girl by buying them gifts and they do not see that you need to have a certain kind of relationship in order to have this work. But that is just my speculation. However, I realized how confident I am during these situations and it got me thinking how being a great leader would make me a much better leader because everytime someone would need a guidance I would feel confident about it and help them. And also as I have difficult time trying to work on these qualities because it is like going to that crying girl. I do not think I have enough experience and with wrong leadership and taking charge would cause damage. Which comes down to being afraid of a failure, now that I think about it... hmm. But I am more concerned with how it damages them, not me. I do not fear that they would not talk to me anymore or lose respect towards me. Just that I would make it worse for them.

My conclusion is that having some quality with women can be very harmful. Because "you are this way" and you want to show them your greatest aspect of your personality which lowers your chances if that quality is bad for the purpose of getting girls. Because being "great" and "able to help like noone else" as I heard many times makes you feel good about yourself for 2 hours and then this girl goes and laughs at you next day or even later that day for even suggesting that you guys could have a relationship. I mean it can be hard to just look at yourself objectively and realize that almost everything you need to get a girl is at 3% capacity and you need at least 70%. And I guess people either make a drastic change and stop showing particular quality or just quit trying, accept the fact that they are this way and at the end never really achieve what they want.

Michal

Chase Amante's picture

The Hero

Author

Michal-

The ability to help and inspire others, make them feel better, and help them see things more clearly is a powerful ability to have. In no way is that a bad thing. However, it can be a distracting thing to have, if you get too caught up trying to white knight every moderately distressed person you see.

One of the hard things to have to learn when you're good at playing the hero role is when to rein it in and when to let it off the leash. The other thing to realize is that the people you really want in your life aren't usually the ones who are suffering and miserable - you want the people who are strong and successful, and probably don't need your help and support. Those are the people who will appreciate you for your own strength and view you as an equal and an ally, rather than the people who will use you for your time and energy, because you let yourself be used, who in turn provide little or nothing back.

Chase

Annonymous's picture

Opening, direct? indirect?


Hi, I have trouble with the actual opening in nightclubs, I don't know if it's because people here are differente (argentina) Or if I'm doing something wrong, but "Hows your night goin" (como va tu noche?) just seems kind of creepy, or awkward.
Like huh? what does this guy want? what's wrong? Or at least is the kind of face I get.I feel better using something situational, but I only can find something good 1 in 100 times.
Could the wording be the problem?
Is the shotgun opener "indirect"? How so? should I just be "friendly" even if it's seen as something awkward?

I usually see some guy just talking to a girl like: "how yo doing? oh nice and this and that", I can't shake the incredibly awkward feeling. Like that kind of guy who tries to talk to you and says "Oh you are that guy friend of X, This place is cool, what are you drinking oh cool who you've come with, ahm", and the only emotion I get is "I want to get away from this guy".

I've been going with 2 friends to the same few venues and I feel we got some kind of reputation/attention, girls actually approached us (one started dancing between us a few seconds, laughs nervous and then just stayed with us in our group, stuff like that, but apart from telling her a few words about a dance on a song, I couldn't get to a conversation. Also girls seem to walk past us and just hover right beside us, This just makes it very frustrating I can't get a word out of my mouth.

Chase Amante's picture

Opening

Author

Anon-

I haven't clubbed in Argentina yet, so I don't have insight into the cultural nuances there, unfortunately. I have heard that women in Argentina, and particularly in BA, are the most aloof women in all of South America... they tend to be very cool customers.

With, "How's your night going?", at least elsewhere in the world, this one's best used very casually in situations where you're relaxed somewhere (e.g., propped against the bar, a wall, etc.) and the girl is in very close proximity, or in a case like, say, she's walked up and started hovering right next to you. That's because this opener presumes that a conversation has more or less already "started" - that is, it's a way of acting as if she opened you first. If you walk straight up to a girl and ask her how her night's going, it feels "off" because you're acting like she initiated the interaction when it's very clear that you did.

In environments where the women act colder and more aloof, I tend to prefer direct myself, because 1.) it shows you have balls (every other guy is too intimidated there to go direct), and 2.) it screens the women who just aren't interested out extremely quickly. If 75% of women you open direct in a very "cold" environment just give you disinterested, aloof looks, but 25% of them are clearly interested, and 10% of them are VERY interested, you've just made your approaching that much easier.

My own strategy is, the harder the environment, the harder your game - more direct, more compliance, more touch, more dominance, more leadership. When you're in a very receptive place, you can mostly lean back and let the women come to you, and gently guide them out and back to your place. You can't get away with this in a place that's cold to you - in those environments, it's "play hard or go home (alone)."

Chase

Troy's picture

Street Game


Hey Chase,

Very informative article. The only thing that came to mind before was to use pre-opening. How does this article link to doing street game? And could you do a comprehensive how to on street game and approaching?

i think you might refer me to other articles on here to read for my answer but ive read EVERY ARTICLE ON GIRLSCHASE.COM and i still havent seen how to do this street game.

re: im going to check out asian persians and the other guys advice.. field reports as you instructed and see what i can make of it so thanks for the links.

Ive had problems with using pre-opening on the road. Imagine im approaching girls walking/crossing the street/watching out for swinging cars and trying to focus on conversation e.t.c.

Its not a cake walk in my experience plus if i dont know what im doing exactly then there is a great risk i end up looking like a creep to every girl passing. Its not a fear of failure i think, its just that no matter what you still wouldnt want to go through 20+ rejections on the street just to find 1 girl to take a number/date/carry home.

Ive read Ricardus articles on day game and easy approaching but his article is not really a comprehensive "how- to-do-street-game".

Could you do an article on this?

Also i was wondering if you ever find it a bother and drag to constantly be having people on here requesting you to do an article? How much is too much requests from the same person?

Or is it a blessing to you that readers on here help make your mental work easier and give you article ideas to keep the site running?

Thanks!

Troy

Troy's picture

Using the GirlsChase.com Forum


Hey Chase,

Regarding using the forum, im kind of confused as to how to use it. i read your posts on there to the begineers on how to use the forum but i have a few questions as how to maximize the forum benefits:

1) In all the mini forums (sex, journal e.t.c.) there are literally hundreds of topics to go through and find a post that can answer a question for me. could you have a view on there where i can view all the posts in list form so i can much faster go through and find the topic im looking for?

I have tried using the search button but most times i dont find what im looking for. and then its after i take the time and go through the forum pages that i find the topic i was looking for.

2) On the journal forum, i started a new topic and i dont want to start a new topic every time i make a post. so i was thinking of posting all my posts under 1 journal subject post i created. does this make sense? is this going to help keep things in order and maximize my benefits?

3) What is the difference between the journal and field report forum and what do i post under each to avoid confusing myself?

4) Can you give ne some advice as to how to do my field reports and journals so later on when i look back, i can easily navigate, learn and have my writing look great?

5) Could you do an article on "How to write field reports and journals" thanks if you dont completely oppose that idea!
I think this is a silly question but im not sure of the answer so ill ask:

Should i post my improvements, goals and self analysis in the journal forum?

or...

Should i post my self anaysis and improvements in the field reports forum?

Thanks Chase

Troy

Chase Amante's picture

Questions

Author

Troy-

This article isn't dealing with street; as noted at the very beginning of the piece, it's for social venues.

Reopening you can't use with street for obvious reasons - it's a "static venue only" technique, where you're staying in one place, and the girl likely is too, and you'll just try to meet her again later.

You can open a lot on street, but that won't really be "shotgun" opening, since you're not working through a crowd - your opening on street is by necessity going to be fairly targeted.

I have noted down on the article queue a comprehensive "how to" on street, yes - so, that one's already coming. Re: requests, these are good and useful so long as a guy isn't repeatedly requesting the same thing over and over again. Other than that, requests are welcome.

On forums - there's nothing with a list other than the current forum setup. If you're looking for a certain guy's posts, it's probably more useful to go to his profile and click on the "Search posts" button - click his name on the boards or find him on the member list.

With journals, yes, you'll want to make later posts in the same thread; no sense crowding the board with a bunch of separate posts all by the same person. Field reports is for specific outings; if you'll more be chronicling your progress, journals are better. See this link for more: Descriptions of Each Board. On formatting, I'd advise checking out some of the other guys' threads and seeing what appeals most to you… I've never kept a journal myself, so couldn't give you any advice there; that board is there because many guys seem to like journals, and yes, that's for self-analysis. Field Reports is only for field reports; everything else about chronicling your journal goes on Journals.

Basically, look around - all the answers you're searching for are already there, if you take a moment to look.

Chase

Danny's picture

Your Conspicuous Consumption is REAL and Spot On !!


Dear Chase,

So I read your article on Conspicuous Consumption. I have to say it is spot on!
http://www.girlschase.com/content/how-conspicuous-consumption-helps-men-...

I also found another video posted by Vitaly:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ve46peMWU5w

MANY people disagree on Vitaly's videos, especially feminists. Feminists claimed that those videos regarding to Gold Diggers are fake. I am a big believer for being a skeptic b4 I see evident and truths. Thus, below are the links I found to proves the validity and realness of Vitaly.

Here are the links to prove the realness of Vitaly, it's reported on the news:
1) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jlhCvi8FWHU
2) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w3ZQSQuo3fc

Good job Chase, for informing everything (the TRUTHS) to the surface.....I am just a bit disappointed to the reality. Reality is gray, not black and white.

Happy 2014!

Yink's picture

Inviting Women Home!!!


Hi Chase,great article right there.I have been reviewing where I've been making mistakes with women(as you advised me last time) and correcting them.However a big challenge I'm having now is inviting women to my place.I am in college,my first dates are usually in a restaurant(informational date) and I try avoiding setting up second dates in restaurants also(to avoid the boyfriend candidate) but I don't know the BEST way to tell women to come to my place.Sometimes I tell them to come over so that I can cook for them but most of them end up flaking.I have read your article on date compression but I can't find a solution there.How can I invite a girl to my place without making her flake or feel suspicious of my intentions?

Chase Amante's picture

Suspicious of Intentions

Author

Yink-

If a woman's "suspicious of your intentions", that should throw a red flag in the air for you that you've been running your interactions wrong.

What you want is for a woman to know EXACTLY why she's being invited back to your place... to spend some romantic time with you, and very possibly to mate. You usually don't want to spell it out for her completely - you want her a little unsure of whether you will deliver on the promise or not - but you want her believing and hoping that sex is not long to occur.

If you're worried about coming across as "suspicious", that says that you've most likely been playing "hide the banana" around women - that is, you're trying to conceal your interest and pose as someone who's merely just a friend. When you go this route, yes, inviting women over to your place looks suspicious - because platonic friends don't get together one-on-one in private places for uncertain reasons. It's just weird.

My advice would be to start really working on ramping up the sexuality in your interactions. Check out these articles on creating the right vibe again:

... and these on touch:

The object isn't to hide your intentions and sneak your way into bed with a girl... that never works (and the few times it seems to work, the girl knows what you're doing, but isn't going to raise a stink because she wants it too, and if you're a little scared about being straight about it, well, nobody's perfect, she figures).

Instead, you want her to know why she's going with you: because she's having an amazing time with you, and it's time to take things to the next level.

Chase

Balla's picture

Grenade Mackin' and Questions


Chase!, this is the same game that tariq nasheed talked about, he calls it "grenade mackin'" Where you talk to every attractive girl in the club and reopen her. I only listen to you two for advice and I can see why, could you be so kind and look him up and tell me based off his pics should I emulate what you see? He's on youtube and he has a talk show where he spits game (go towards the 20-30 min mark to hear the game), but mostly I'd like to know what do you think of his style, body language, etc. He has a video on youtube called, (tariq nasheed how to approach women in the club) I feel that's the best vid so you can kinda see his game and mannerisms. I just want you to show me what he does right from his voice, facial hair, haircut, clothes, body language, so I can know what to copy from him. I really appreciate that.

I have a few quick questions though. The first being about liquid confidence, honestly I have my best nights when im on the far level of tipsey, im almost drunk but im not going crazy and im mostly in control. I don't want to depend on it as a crutch though, should I just run game sober, or can I still drink and use my liquid confidence?

On approaching, I've read the approach anxiety articles countless times and I know you're going to say bite the bullet, but idk why it feels so easy to me when I think about it, but when I'm in the situation im like, this is impossible, nobody does this and she'll get creeped out, I have the most confidence about it before hand and after I leave, but when Im in the situation it becomes impossible for me to do. What can I do to not make this damn thing not such a big deal? I hate this shit.

Last, I love your website to death, but I feel so much more free whem in not constantly reading and thinking about women. I felt that that was all I ever think about and I have to focus on other things. Im in kind of a catch 22, its like I feel better focusing on other things but girls, but how am I going to have great game falling behind missing articles when I take my breaks?
How long should my breaks be?

Thanks brother, you're cool as hell.

Balla's picture

Rap


Chase I know you're not into mainstream rap anymore, but im trying to find a nice medium, which is be sexy for the ladies but look hard for everyone else. How can I do that?

When I rap should I be rapping faster or should I rap slow, like how you say we should talk what sounds good and should I make my voice deeper?

Should I have a very energetic vibe or a smooth cool vibe?

What else can I rap about that people would like? All you hear today is money, cars, bitches, drugs, guns.

Thanks

Chase Amante's picture

Questions

Author

Balla-

I'm knocking out replies right now, so didn't sit through the video, but if you want to know what's good about what a guy's doing and what isn't, a good exercise might be sitting down and listing out 1.) everything he's doing, 2.) how the girl seems to be responding to it, 3.) how the girl's responses change, and in what ways and what points in the interaction, and 4.) what he could have done differently with each of those points, and whether that would've worked better or worse. You'll probably come up with some things you're not sure on, but (especially if you're paying attention to the girl's body language) you might be surprised by how much you take away from an analysis like that.

Alcohol - depends where you're at. If you're starting out, I'd almost advise a slight buzz, just because you WILL have an easier time approaching, and you WILL speak more freely and be less tongue-tied. Only if you can do it in moderation, though - start drinking too much, and you'll really mess yourself up. Once you're getting decent and consistent results, I'd advise you to practice meeting women with zero alcohol in your system, just so that you know you have your stuff on lock and can perform without aid.

AA - nothing I can say that hasn't been said a hundred times already by me or anyone else. You're at the point now, Balla, where you've read enough material and heard enough perspectives that there's no more mental conditioning you can do short of doing the thing. You can psyche yourself up about lifting weights all you want, but at some point, you've got to force yourself to just start pushing metal up despite the pain and discomfort, even if you're dreading it all day long. Same deal with approaching, or anything else. At some point, words fail, and only action suffices… that's the point where you find out if you're a man who can take action, or if you'll wait around and watch other men succeed while you watch the time left in your life slowly but steadily erode away, one grain of sand in the hourglass at a time.

Breaks must be taken between reading to go do, especially if you get into a habit of inaction. If you're not going out and meeting lots of women, I think it's not good to read too heavily for too long, because otherwise your mind ends up having a theoretical battle where it's trying to decide between what it's reading in one place vs. what it's hearing from mainstream thought vs. what it's getting from another countercultural source, etc., and you have NO real experience to decide from. Check out Alek's latest article, he goes into exactly this issue, pretty in-depth: "The Art of Learning to Pick Up and Sleep with Girls."

I'd suggest letting your breaks just be natural. If you're going out enough, you'll eventually reach a point where things are clicking really well, and you start getting curious about what else you can throw into what's become a gelled, coherent process for you, to shake things up and get even more stellar results. That's where more learning from others comes back to the fore again.

Re: rap voice speed and vibe, I'd go with whatever suits you naturally. You can pull off slow and smooth (see: Dr. Dre, Snoop Dogg, Biggie, Nas, 50 Cent), and you can pull off fast and energetic (see: Tupac, Eminem, Busta Rhymes). Generally, slower and smoother comes across more dominant, but people respect the wiry, energetic guy if he's skilled… ultimately it's down to skill. A slow guy with no skill just looks like an oaf, while a wiry guy with skill looks very sharp.

As for the content of your raps, I'd advise having a few club bangers with addictive club beats and repetitive hooks where you talk about the usual stuff, but also having a number of tracks that talk about social trends or other issues. e.g., Dre's "The Chronic" has some chill out songs like "Nuthin' but a G Thang" but also has social commentary songs, like "Little Ghetto Boy." B.I.G.'s debut album is similar, with songs like "Juicy" and "Big Poppa" to serve as radio hits, "Things Done Changed" as social commentary, and a bunch of other tracks that basically set him up as being badass. Tupac has similar mixes on his albums, with social commentary songs, radio/club hits, and credibility boosters as well. That seems to be the mix for a great album in Hip-Hop.

Chase

Barricuda's picture

trabajo


More great work from the masters, thank you.

I think your team should seriously consider adding a PayPal donate button to your site.

I for one would use it because I appreciate the site material, but I am absolutely disinterested in a monthly renewal, avoiding these situations like the plague. And yet I am OK with not consuming everything from the site, so the 10 max articles isn't an issue.

I also think you should alternate your pop up banner, "Give me two months..." perhaps with photos of all contributors and high value women who look nice and attainable to high value men. And label the men's names in the banner.

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