Pickup

First time at a bar picking up girls or going out on a hunch? Here are the three things you should do to optimize your chance for growth... and a few things I would have done different my first time around if I could do it all again.

All three points I am going to share with you will serve to illustrate a deep principle at the heart of improving with women.

Whether it is your first time heading out or if you are just curious about how you measure up and if your fundamentals are good or not, there will be a few thought-provoking ideas to be found here.

Behind the boastful brain and flashy neocortex of humans lies something much more basic, yet not fully understood. Like all other sexual creatures, we are subject to an instinctive, animalistic sexual desire, which guides us through our day-to-day interactions with the opposite sex.

For other creatures, sex is quite simple.

One of our closest extant relatives, the Bonobo, uses sex quite frequently. They do not engage in sexual monogamy, but rather use sex in all manner of social interactions. They use sex as a greeting, for reproduction, and as a method of bond-forming between women inside a group. In short, they have sex, and they have it often.

This is a far cry from the typical human civilization. Questions of maintaining said amount of sexual activity aside, sex just doesn’t come as easily for us humans. We often place value in social status, mating with the correct people, and avoiding mating with those that would take away from our value, rather than add to it.

Even when you throw out any social status issues, sex just doesn’t come as easily for some men. Why is that?

After so many complicated and theoretical posts, I will now write a post that’s suitable for you all – even beginners. I will share very simple stuff that you can use right away. But keep in mind: just because something is simple doesn’t make it bad.

I will share in this post a bunch of tips on how to prepare for a good night out clubbing (this also goes for bars). When I say “good night out”, I am of course talking about having a flourishing night when it comes to picking up women. These are just some small tips that I have gathered from meeting women since I was 17.

None of the things I will share in this post will be hard to pull off. Again, it will all just be a grab bag of small tips that you can apply this next weekend (or tonight if you go out).

I will split this post into two sections. The first one being the preparations – what you can do before heading out, while the second will cover things that are valuable for when you actually are out there.

A while back Chase wrote a fantastic piece on confidence called “Does Confidence Equal Success? Actually… No.” What made it a fantastic piece was its flying in the face of the conventional wisdom of people trying to give you advice with women telling you to “Just be confident!”

Now is confidence near the top of the list of things women find extremely attractive in men? Absolutely. But can you feign confidence? Absolutely not. Even if you fool a girl for a minute or two, girls can always sniff out a mere veneer of confidence from a mile away.

And as Chase rightly points out in his post, that’s where most guys go wrong. You can’t just fake confidence. Confidence actually has to come from somewhere – either from past successes or a solid foundation of belief, process, and efficacy in other areas of your life.

So how does one develop confidence? How do you get to be like those guys who can just go up to girls in the middle of a town square and just start joking around with them? How do you become one of those guys who are unfazed by rejection who and maintains a deep belief in themselves? I’ve been re-reading Steven Covey’s “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” along with some other materials that I have found truly valuable during my own journey.

It is entirely doable. And today I’m going to show you exactly how.

Note from Chase: Halvor is our latest addition to the site – a close friend of Alek’s and a longtime devotee of the seductive arts (and fellow Norwegian). An engineer by trade, he’s spent a great deal of time studying both in-depth psychology and nightlife pickup, and plans to focus more on helping newer members with troublesome mindsets starting out. Halvor also posts under the alias “sparxx” over on Sedfast. Here he is.

Are you starting out as a practitioner of seduction in bars or clubs?

Have you already been trying out this scene without getting any results?

If you said yes to either of these questions, this article is for you; though some of the advice is also relevant for other kinds of game.

Bars and clubs are popular places to meet women and have several advantages. Many women go there in order to meet a man for a casual sexual encounter, and if you meet the right woman, you may go home with her in under 10 minutes. Yes, I’m not kidding.

But still, the realities in seduction at nighttime are rather harsh. Most guys do not succeed at all or have very inconsistent results; their interactions just result in rejection or being ignored. This is true for the average guy and it is regretfully very often also true for guys who are trying to learn seduction. But a few guys succeed more or less consistently, and today I’ll give you some pointers to becoming one of them, or at least get some results, if you’re currently not getting any at all.

Here is the next installment in my famous “How to Have Sex with… ” series. In the sphere of Asian girls, I’ve published pieces on How to Have Sex with Thai Girls and How to Have Sex with Filipinas.

Despite not having a particularly strong onset of yellow fever, I have spent a good amount of time in Asia gaining an intimate look into the lives, psyches, sexualities, and beds of Asian women. I have also hooked up with my fair share of Asian girls here Stateside as well.

So since I have experience with Asian girls of all kinds, I thought it would be appropriate to write up a post on how to have sex with Asian girls in general – both in the West and in Asia – and what to expect when trying to take them to bed.

An experience a friend of mine had recently, while kicking back at a bar drinking with a few of his friends, and chatting up the occasional girl or two in range:

“... but then a really pretty babe saw me who had already agreed to meet me for a date. She came up and said ‘Are you Will?' And I said hi. She was like ‘Are you here like all the time?' and the bartender was like ‘oh yea, he's here a lot.'

Later I got a text from her saying: ‘I'm not going to be able to meet you for our date, and I can't reschedule. Best of luck!'

Lol. Oh well. I never thought socializing at night would ever work AGAINST me, but I guess there is a first for everything!”

Definitely a bummer (and actually pretty rude). Highest admiration to my friend for taking that with the kind of poise and elegance he typically does. If you're not fully attuned to the social dynamics at play here, in addition to being hurtful, rude, and flighty, it can also look downright random.

It's obvious there's some kind of value judgment going on: “Oh, you're a regular? Oh... erm... uh... yeah, I can't see you again. Have a nice life!”

A big enough value judgment to totally flip her from, “Sure, let's go on a date and see where it leads,” to, “Erk – no.”

Yet, there's more at play here than meets the eye, and the value flop is only a part of it.

So what's so bad about being a regular, anyway?