How to Meet Tons of Girls on Plenty of Fish | Girls Chase

How to Meet Tons of Girls on Plenty of Fish

plenty of fishPlenty of Fish - as chances are you already know - is an out-and-out treasure trove of young, cool, attractive girls who want to meet cool, sexy guys and... well, it's a dating site.

Thing is, it's a free dating site, which means it's open to the masses... which in turn means the most beautiful women on POF get inundated by messages from hopeful (sometimes desperate) men - so much so that the average pretty girl with options doesn't last longer than a few weeks on the site before throwing her hands up in frustration and resignation and abandoning her account.

And the ones who stick around? Grizzled POF dating veterans who cut through newbie online dating hopefuls like female paramilitary troopers trained at mercilessly crushing and cannibalizing the unready and unprepared.

In this article, I'm going to take you through what I learned in four (4) years of using Plenty of Fish to meet, date, and sleep with tons of new girls, including some of the hottest girls on POF in Southern California.

So sit back, relax, and let's get you doing what most of the rest of the online dating crowd can't do: lining up dates and taking pretty new girls to bed by the bushel.

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his Mastery Package.

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Comments

Wolf's picture

That was a much longer read than I thought Chase, I have so many questions about this.

1. How do you know you're not getting catfished? (Person tricking you and instead of a pretty girl its an ugly girl or man!)

2. What do I do if someone I know sees me on there? What would be a good reason for me to be on that site if I can get real girls in real life and girls could tell others that im on their and that'll be negative pre selection.

3. You think taking pics with phone camera is good enough?

4. How do I make sure any one i know does not find out I use this website?

5. What if a girl im talking to happens to read your website and knows all the tips you give and I say stuff similar and she knows about the first date sex and deep diving stuff. (This is for online and real life dating)

This was a very informative article, Thanks Chase!

James B's picture

1. If you're getting catfished, you leave, simple as that.

2. If people see you there, say that scientific studies have shown that online dating results in better matches and relationship outcomes. IE, if you're looking for something serious, online dating works, even if it isn't as fun as meeting people in your day to day life. Make it a matter of looking for quality over quantity -- you use online dating people who are serious and putting themselves out there, not just randomly hooking up with whoever is around them.

3. Hell, no. Get real portraits taken.

4. Same as #2.

5. Well, if you're doing it right, you just seem like a cool guy...because you are! It sounds to me like you're still approaching this from a 'how do I trick people into thinking I'm attractive' angle and less of a 'how do I BE attractive' angle.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Wolf-

In addition to James's answers, on "being spotted" on POF: this one's easy enough - there's a setting in your profile that allows you to hide your profile from showing up in search. The only women who will see your profile will be the ones you message.

I've certainly seen girls I know on POF (always funny!), but as a guy, unless you've got such an amazing profile picture that you're going to rack up loads of messages, you'll be making the vast majority of the first contacts, so if you're worried about being spotted, just take yourself out of POF's search function.

Chase

RJ's picture

Chase, article is bang on point for where I am at right now.

All of these articles have slowly, but surely been directing my to where I'd like my life to be, albeit some things take an amount of time to perfect and look normal, (style, body language and such).

What are the chances of getting a good article on how to be mysterious in a sexy way? I currently working my way up in an office, and always get the questions 'what are you doing this weekend' 'what did you do on the weekend' etc and naturally I'm quite a private person, I keep what I keep to the people I know and I've been getting noticable interest from work colleagues when I answer with things like 'the usual' or 'a few things different than usual' and answers similar.

Also, if women have an interest in me at work, is it possible to avoid the move fast technique and settle them at a Christmas party, or an evening out say? As in the position I'm currently in I don't want any harm done to my rep.
Again - thanks for all these articles, improving my life weekly as a result.

-RJ

Author
Chase Amante's picture

RJ-

Sure - I can do one on being sexy in a mysterious way, certainly.

On handling things at work - I still need to get a proper "dating at work" article up (that one's on the list as well), but this one on flirting in the workplace without calling too much attention to it ought to help: Can You Flirt at Work Under the Radar? Why Yes You Can.

Chase

Pre-college student's picture

Let's say you want to look rather attractive, but you still have quite a bit of "not so attractive" pictures up on Facebook. Generally, it's not acceptable to have just 3 pictures especially when you are at least decently social, so what would you say about Facebook?

I do realize that Facebook may be a completely different world from Plenty of Fish, but what would you recommend for hitting up rather attractive women on Facebook? As an avid reader and fan of your other articles, I have taken down most of my likes and followed suit with what you said about the profile picture (Unfortunately, I don't have an opportunity to take your "professional pictures"). I don't have a picture of me looking elsewhere or having a flirty face, so right now my profile pic is looking at the camera, but not right in front of it, and my smile is a bit smirky to keep that nice-guy feeling out. I am also a big fan of your economic views on dating, so while girls are "cheap" at the beginning of college, I would really like to msg them in Facebook to schedule a date instead of waiting to meet them irl when they're already open in the market to other men, but that has a risk of coming off as creepy.

What would you say about this Chase?
Thanks very much for reading.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Pre-

I talked about Facebook here: Why to NOT Meet Girls on Facebook... including what to do if you're dead-set on using Facebook for this. I wouldn't recommend it, but there are ways you can use it still.

The not-so-attractive pictures - many of the girls who are best at using Facebook to their advantage untag themselves in unflattering pictures. I might suggest doing the same... even if you don't want to do this too much, you can still untag yourself in the worst of these, and/or crowding them out with enough very good pictures of yourself.

Chase

Anonymous's picture

Chase,

Right on the money as always. It's the strangest thing - whenever I think to myself 'I wish GirlsChase had an article on X', hey presto, an article magically appears within a couple of days. It's actually pretty spooky. Seriously need to get a subscription to this site.

One minor point - I take it you haven't used POF for a while now. They have since done away with subject headings. Would you recommend tweaking the above messages to account for this?

I like how you have updated the message template from the 2010 guide. I've been thinking about how to' update' the 'Wii Sports' version from the 2010 guide for a while now but had thus far drawn a blank.

A very quick question on an unrelated topic - how do you recommend going about 'damage limitation' after you have been rejected by a girl at work? In a moment of madness this Friday, I drunkenly hit on a colleague who works in close proximity to me - and got rejected. It's a new job as well - only started a few days ago. In hindsight, I should have taken a much more subtle approach, but instead went with the standard act fast, balls to the wall method. Stupid I know, but what's done is done. Any advice you have on reducing potential fallout from this would be much appreciated.

Cheers

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Anon-

Wow, you're right, POF did away with subject lines... indeed, I haven't done much online dating in a while. You can get some very cute girls off of it, but eventually it gets repetitive, and you don't meet the highest caliber women online. Useful if you're in a dry spell, but I've been a bit too mobile and haven't really needed it in a good while. That's what I get for writing from memory instead of making sure everything is as I left it, though!

On messages, there's really not much you can do here - all POF does now is give you a "View Message" line in your inbox - no subject, no first lines of text from the message, nothing. Which makes it even MORE about JUST your profile picture, and nothing else. Emphasis on picture has become even greater than it used to be.

I'd just include the subject line as the first line of the message now where relevant, or leave it out altogether. Messaging won't change much, except that every girl who clicks is at least somewhat interested in you from your looks, instead of being lured in by a well-titled subject line.

I guess this is POF's way of making your writing abilities matter less / making it harder for the guys with good first message scripts, and making your looks matter more. Interesting play.

On cordoning off damage from a girl who's rejected you - I'd suggest acting like nothing happened, while cooling off toward the girl and interacting with her as little as possible - still treat the other colleagues well though. Try to get some preselection going on to regain some of your lost value - find ways for colleagues to see you with women. If you still plan on pursuing that girl though, you can skip the cooling off, and instead persistently (and in a charming way) ask her out periodically - I've known women who met their husbands this way... they rejected a colleague seven or eight times, then finally said "yes" and were married not long after.

Pete also talked about cordoning off damage in his latest post on reputation management - worth checking out for this: Killer Reputation Management for Your Social Circle.

Chase

DavidSal's picture

Hi Chase, more one great article !!

I'm bald, actually many girls told me that I look like the actor Jason Statham (The transporter 2 ) witch I think is good because he has this "bad boy look" that girls love.
Whoever, I think that this look might be too much aggressive for the online dating world .
Do you have any suggestion for a bald men to improve his photos?

Author
Chase Amante's picture

David-

Indeed - that's a good look! I know a few gals crushing on Statham right now...

If you're worried about being too aggressive, I'd suggest getting images that take the edge off that aggressiveness - e.g., one showing you with a puppy, one showing you with a more approachable facial expression (see: 7 Facial Expressions That Drive Women Wild). I could see one with you being attacked by babies or monkeys being both amusing and disarming, though that one might be hard to put together (you'd have to find a lot of aggressive babies / monkeys).

Something where you're doing something higher value (like sailing) could also be good - then you're not the bald roughneck, but rather the bald high status guy instead.

Chase

Brian48's picture

This article was funny as hell; ur right tho dudes do be lunching lls, the advice sounds beastly.
Question is if I use the just got out of a relationship line, how would I expand on that in the profile(1). and two, am I playing the sympathy card with this one? Three, I got the feeling that they will want to talk about my fake break-up so who should I say dumped who and what should I say was the reason "we" didn't work out. I've always sucked online, actually I haven't been on any dating site for about a year, so if I could get that right my life would probably be a whole lot easier, thanks.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Brian-

On this one, in your profile it'd be something like, "I ended up on POF after being in a relationship for a while, and now that I'm a free man again I discover that all my friends are paired up... life's sense of humor I guess. Well, all the more adventure for me!"

If you get questions about it, simply saying, "It just didn't work out. I make for a terrible boyfriend," or something like that should be enough. Then you can ask her something about herself.

Chase

NarrowJ's picture

Chase,

I have mostly stopped doing online dating because it felt like a crutch (ie, how you explain women think guys are mostly on there because they don't have any success in real life).

However, I did something interesting with your message template from the forums. I've been using this, and getting very good results with it.

"Hey there, [or name if its in their profile], very nice pics/profile. I have a feeling you and I would hit it off VERY well...

;)

So how's the online dating scene been treating you, Ms. [Sociable/Fitness/Bookworm/etc]

-NJ"

I get a little less responses than I do using the funny opener, but the girls I do get talking seem much more eager to actually meet up in person. The usual response is in reaction to me having the feeling that I would hit it off VERY well with them. They ask me why. Then in the response, I use the funny "Well, I heard that such and such... And I like/am intrigued by so on and so forth". Notice I changed the smiley face to a winky face. I'd like to hear your opinion on this slight variation of your template, and any ways I might be able to use it differently.

Excellent stuff, by the way. I also set up a fake female profile, and it's amazing how clueless 90% of the men in our society are about interacting with women!

-NJ

NarrowJ's picture

I re-read the article and I guess what I'm doing is getting quality as opposed to quantity, as you explained. Also, in regard to me saying I changed the smiley to a winky face: you are indeed using a winky face. I think you maybe referred to it as a "smiley" and those things are hard to see on my phone!

An additional thought here: the "I have a feeling we would hit it off VERY well..." line, I think it instantly makes the conversation about what's going to happen when we meet up, and thus makes it quite a bit easier to transition the convo over to scheduling a meet.

-NJ

Author
Chase Amante's picture

NJ-

That's a cool variant; I like it. That might even be a stronger choice now that POF's done away with subject lines; she's only clicking if she's already at least moderately interested, and here you just take her interest and run with it.

Chase

Roberto's picture

THANK YOU!

Danny's picture

Hey Chase,
I am your fan and had bought your ebook. I, I just finished reading your "Should you Pay For Date" article and decide to experiment some of your techniques.

I am gonna keep date CHEAP! It will likely to be only a $3 Latte (Coffee Date)
Or some cheap food less than $10 US Dollars.(I promise, I swear) My date is next week, so this is an urgent question:

Should I pay for her $3 Latte?( LOL )I am a bit afraid that being tooooo cheap will make me lose a laid........

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Danny-

If it's super cheap, it's probably better just to pay (or let her pay, if she's closer). Basically no big deal.

There are ways you can do paying if you're TOTALLY nonchalant about it and just make it a "whatever" kind of thing... basically, if you do pay, do not make a production out of it, or don't even announce you'll pay, just act like it's just something you're doing. If she says she wants to pay, then you'd just say, "That's cool of you; well, dessert's on me then."

Chase

Anonymous's picture

Even though I tend to stay away from online dating I knew I'd learn a thing or two from it. Also boy you had me laughin'! This article was on point and humerous.

Thanks!

Anonymous's picture

Near article Chase.do you have any tips on how one can learn html and coding fast and/or free ?

Thanks

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Anon-

A good start for learning these free and at your own pace are the resources here: No Excuse List.

Chase

A Reader's picture

Hey Chase
Is there an article in butting into other peoples' business to get what you want? Truth is, I saw one gorgeous, beautiful-looking girl looking at me as if she wants me, but was surrounded by tough-looking men and couldn't find a way to "butt in." And even if I did butt in wouldn't the tough-looking men try to fight me? But even if I was successful at bringing this girl to bed, wouldn't the tough-looking guys track me down, drag me to an alley, and then beat me up? If I bring some sort of friend to keep them company then it wouldn't really work if they already laid eyes on that girl right? There's nothing really that can work in my prospective, what about the prospective of a man trained himself over years of seduction who tried everything he could to get results in every place imaginable?

-A Reader

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Reader-

You can butt in most of the time if you really want to - it helps to have a wingman, but I've picked up girls who were surrounded by suitors (often because they were the only attractive girls in the place) by chatting with one of the guys on the proximity first and then working around him physically until I was on the inside and he was on the outside. Then letting the conversation with him die down... then open the girl. This takes some finesse.

On the other hand, when she's already giving you looks like she wants you, it's easy to tease her back with eye contact. e.g., glance dramatically at the different big guys around her, then look back at her and make an, "I don't know what's going on with all of that!" expression. She'll laugh if you do this right; then you can squint your eyes and smile and motion for her to come join you. She may do so (especially if you're insistent), or she may not, but even if not you can probably catch her again later.

If she comes and joins you of her own accord there's almost no chance of anyone ganging up on you. Even if you slide in... I've approached lots of women with men around them, and only ever had some of those men try fighting me a handful of times.

Although, if they're HUGE, perhaps in that case discretion gets the better of valor, and you just stick to motioning her over or nothing.

Chase

V's picture

Chase, how can I be more relaxed and calm and not take everything so serious and deep? I take things very personally and I want to beat up people or verbally abuse them. Its not healthy for me what can I do to not take what people say to me so seriously and deep and just shrug it off?

What to do if you feel suicidal from time to time? Should I follow tips from your depression article or do something else?

What do you do chase if a girl says she just wants a guy with money, a guy with his own house, degree, car? And she also says she's not going to do one night stands and one girl even said the dudes lucky to be even talking to her. These girls seem pretty cocky and stuck up. I just want to know if they really mean what they say or are they just saying this stuff to look cool? What should a guy like me do with these girls? I laugh at their requirements for men to give them money and take them on dates and have their shit together like the girls are getting married. I don't have anything to offer these girls expect good convo, a good time, and sex. Think I can pull it off with these girls if that's all I have to offer? Thanks Chase

Author
Chase Amante's picture

V-

Taking things personally is really more about not having sufficient high quality feedback in your life on your positive traits. A great example of this are rappers... guys like Biggie, Eminem, and 50 Cent all started out pretty bitter and angry and rapping about hurting people a lot. But you can see a huge change in them once they find success, and they're constantly getting a lot more positive feedback than bad... Big even talks about it on Life After Death; he mentions he isn't angry anymore, and can't rap about being angry or it won't be real.

You'll be angry and bitter until you cut out everyone who makes you feel that way and surround yourself with positive people who are building their futures and encouraging you to build yours.

On suicidal thoughts - yes, follow the steps in the "How to Overcome Depression" article. Suicidal thoughts are the same as depressive thoughts - they're obsessive thought cycles that have taken control of your brain. Something else that can help in the moment is going somewhere with bright lights (preferably sunlight, but turning on all the lights in the room if it's night time works too) and getting some physical motion going - e.g., start doing some jumping jacks, do some push ups, etc. Helps to shake your brain out of it. It's good to get in the habit of observing your emotions as they're occurring so you can say, "Wow, I'm feeling suicidal right now. Clearly I'm trapped in an irrational thought cycle. What can I do to break this thought cycle and stop feeling so bad?"

Girls on POF say they don't do one night stands after they've done one night stands and felt bad about it after. Any time you read this in a profile, she's essentially saying, "I do one night stands, or at least I have in the past, and probably will in the future. But goddamnit, don't make me feel like garbage about it!" House, degree, car... just ignore these. Let her response to you be the judge. If she genuinely means it, she'll check out your profile and not reply.

But there are plenty of guys with houses, degrees, and cars who are writing to her that she's ignoring... and if you have the right looks / profile / message for her, you'll get a response, regardless of your paper stats.

Getting that in person, just joke about it. "Yeah, those are all the things I demand out of men too." Your goal is not to court women according to their relationship criteria. Your goal is to be the man who is outside relationship consideration - you provide something different from the boyfriend candidates, and thus are not subject to the usual requirements.

Chase

Brainbuster's picture

There are so many reasons why okcupid is better, it's like the difference between Facebook and Myspace.

You're really scraping from the bottom of the barrel at POF.

They're both free, but Okcupid draws intelligent, attractive, slim, goal-oriented girls who know who they are and can write paragraphs about themselves. You'll be lucky if a girl on POF can string a sentence together.

Anonymous's picture

Sup Chase,

can you post a link to your pof profile, or a snapshot of what it looks/ looked like? thanks for all your advice!

Anonymous Samuel's picture

Thanks Chase, this is one of the best articles I read on the subject. I liked the tips on choosing the right pictures.

However, one thing that confuses me is height. I'm on the shorter side (5'6") and read conflicting advice on whether I should report my real height or exaggerate it by an inch or two. What's your take?

Thanks!

Chris from Detroit's picture

I'm confused as to what degree women are concerned with how the "do you want children" question is answered. If they are concerned it seems counterproductive to say you want kids to get a date, given it will likely come up soon and the truth will turn her off. What's the best way to handle this situation. I should note I'm 39 and often messaging women in their mid to late 30s and staring down their biological clocks.

NewPofUser's picture

I haven't even read the entire post yet, but as a new POF user I just want to say this is incredibly well done. I can already tell how right you are. Oddly, I get a girl messaging me about once a week or more (mostly interesting/pretty), yet when I message girls (admittedly, mostly 7-9's on a scale) I have received ONE message back, and haven't even been VIEWED by 90% of them. My profile if written well, has humour, is interesting, and was tailor made by two of my good female friends who have used the site themselves. The problem? My profile pic sucks. I'm always behind the lens, rarely ever in front of it and when I am it's shitty quality cameras/friends who don't take good photos. Any girl 6+ on a scale of attractiveness get's flooded with messages, and I realize now won't even CLICK on your shit if your little profile thumbnail (and tag line to a minor degree) doesn't catch their attention. Every girl I message tailor made witty messages, and only message girls I know would be interested in me based on what THEY listed...yet, still, no dice.
Basically, to sum it all up, profile pic is the #1, and the rest of what you said is great too.
My lady friend who helped me make my profile made a fake female profile so she could look at other dudes. No photo, and a really weird brief description - guys messaged her immediately, and in the first week she easily had a dozen messages - and her profile was basically "Hey I'm a fat mess". So yeah, like in real life, first impressions are everything, and in POF, the first impression is the thumbnail they see in their in-box - and that's it. Great advice man, cheers.

Austin's picture

All you need to be is hot. I will write women that are like don't say what's up to me and say what's up and they will reply. looking away from the camera doesn't mean a damn thing. hell you could be a convicted felon and if you're good looking you will still get responses. A neighbor of mine is and he gets more as than a toilet seat. You can have no car no job. Sloppy grammar like I'm doing and if your hot, you get responses. in person you can say something not funny in a woman will laugh but if you're ugly you can say something that really is funny and they will ignore you. I know cuz I was fit for many years, but gained weight due to the tragic loss of my parents in a house fire when I was 30. I wasn't even that fat and no woman talked to me but then once I got back into shape it was like when I was younger. I'm 36 now.

Anonymous joe's picture

Chase, your intro email works sooooo well! Like night and day with the responses!

I need clarification re: the proper spacing between ALL replies. Do you wait a day or more, or simply hours? Don't want to seem eager but obviously want to strike when the iron is hot!

-Joe

Gary's picture

This is all great advice and I appreciate it and read it with interest. However it is a whole new ball game when you reach over 50.

I am now 55 years old and I have been on my own now for 4 years, my last encounter was a lovely lady who is 6 years older than me. I was 50 when I met her and she was 56, we were together for only 10 months but she turned out to be a gold digger.

Not a viscous one, but one who was in some sort of panic syndrome being that her ex hubby's business failed and with it he failed to provide her with the lifestyle she required and the same for me, my business went down in the recession and I lost over £60k. So she made her exit route from my life.

She would never ever steal from my bank account or anything like that, I feel that she needed security as she was going to hit retirement age before I was.

With that in mind I feel that your advice although good is aimed at folk younger than me, it is a whole different ball game once you are over 50 because women are looking for security having been through 1 0r 2 bad experiences.

garywoollard@hotmail.co.uk

JessT's picture

I would like you to share your ideas about the drop-down menu choice of what you looking for, long term, casual, or short term dating.
I've noticed many females state " do not text if looking for casual"
My last time on pof lasted 3 days but I was so wary of putting my face up online so I had to black out the eyes like a mayor creep lol.
By the way the hide your profile button seemed not to work anymore.

Also I know for a fact that many guys steal attractive males pics and use them for fishing so I decided that the best is real life meetings. Like it was for 1000 of years.

But all of your advices are seriuously beneficial for online daters

Dudeurawessssome's picture

I created an account on this site and while I can't say I will be using it, I have to commend your endless online dating knowledge. Im surprised a guide this indepth is not something you have to pay for (better not make future advice paid lol).

Excellente my friend. Thank you for helping this clueless 18 year old guy and teach him about the chemistry of girls online. Your advice will be invaluable for the years to come. :D

MangroveCoast's picture

I am an average/above average looking male that used to get lost in the overwhelming crowd of men that exists on the online dating world. To me it used to feel like walking into a bar where there were 100 guys sitting around 1 beautiful woman; all hollering at her at the same time trying to get her attention. Talk about a schlong fest!!!

Statistically, on average, men out number women 7 to 1 on internet dating sites.

I've naturally done my own research and refinement to what works and what does not when it comes to the online dating game. But I'm never one to put my learning cap down. So I found this article to be extremely interesting, informative, and in many cases a confirmation that I am not too far off the mark of a successful profile.

Everything here in the article is right on point. There is no magic bullet, but I do believe that if you follow the advice given, you will find success.

One thing I cannot stress loudly enough: DO NOT WASTE YOUR TIME E-MAILING WOMEN WHO HAVE BEEN ON THE SITE FOR MORE THEN A WEEK!

This means you should concentrate a majority of your time and emails, using the above methods, on girls who HAVE JUST JOINED THE SITE AND ARE NEW TO Plenty Of Fish!

It's always a great idea to begin your search for women in your area by switching from "last online" to "newest users".
This way, the dating search engine will give you a list of women in your area who have just created new profiles, and you will have a much better chance with these.

Anyways...Again, great article. Remember that women on every single dating site on the internet have to put up with a ton of DOUCHE BAGS!

So don't take it personal if you don't get a response back from every single girl you email. Stay positive. Move on. And DON'T GIVE UP!

STAY POSITIVE AND FOLLOW THIS MAN'S ADVICE AND YOU'LL HAVE DATES EVERY WEEK END :)

BEST OF LUCK!! :)

Christopher

Anonymous's picture

Changed my profile using this tips and immediately got messages backs! You're a genius bro

J's picture

Great article. I'm surprised nobody has asked about the whole "say you're from a foreign country or from across the country" thing. What happens if it goes further with the girl and she's really interested? I agree with the concept but can't say I would personally be able to say something like that without it blowing up in my face.

Do you have any personal good and/or bad stories about saying that stuff??

Anonymous's picture

There's advice for guys who are really good-looking, and advice for guys who are average-looking. But what if you're a guy who is BELOW-average looking? (No, this isn't a self-confidence issue) It's generally agreed upon that I'm a 3 (or less), on a scale of 10. I'm serious.... I'm like 2 steps above the elephant man.

I'm in decent bodily shape but my facial structure and receding hairline kill it. And you might say, "just shave your head if you're going bald." Well, I've tried that and I just look like a cancer patient (no offense to anyone who has cancer). I can't grow much facial hair and I basically have no eyebrows, so there's nothing to compensate for having no hair on my scalp. Yes, I've had people tell me I'm ugly AND look like a cancer patient on more than one occasion. I've even had girls literally turn around, 180 degrees, and walk away from meeting me as I'm extending my hand to shake theirs. (Again, I'm dead serious). I'm just telling you this so that you know how bad it is and that I've tried everything I can to help improve my looks. But beyond having extensive surgery, there's nothing I can do.

So am I just going to have to have a "perfect" profile, other than the pictures? How should I deal with the all-important "have good pictures" issue? Is there any hope for us ugly guys?? Not seeking a pity party. I'm just seeking advice.

Jack's picture

Greate Article,

You have recommeded 3 pictures max. Say for average looking guy with good body. Profile picture is a high quality as you described, we include another shirtless picture. That is 2. Say we still have many pictures doing interesting things, like diving, riding elephants, playing piano, playing with dog, in paris ..etcs. would increase the recommeded limit, what would the max be?

K.'s picture

Chase, I love this article as well as a few others you've written. Recently, I decided to give online dating a try due to me being shy (though I am working on this). Here's what I've discovered so far for anyone interested in trying POF out. I'm in my mid-twenties.

I tried making my profile like the article says, and I've experimented with a couple of different profile pics/first messages. I have a suit picture similar to the one Chase describes, a picture with my dog, and a picture of me playing guitar. All three have colour, contrast, and other quality effects added from an editing program to really sell the pictures. In all three pics, I am looking to the right, exposing my left cheek, and not smiling/barely smiling. I think it's worth mentioning that women tend to find me more attractive than the average man, so your results may differ a bit.

I tried all three at various points as my primary profile pic on both Tinder and POF. The guitar one (which I used before I found this article) gets the worst results, though this is based on Tinder and OKCupid. However, I was surprised to discover that the the picture with my dog gets the best results on both POF and Tinder. I would put your suit pic as your number two pic as I did with mine, at least to try it out.

As for the profile, I went with a somewhat dishonest approach by stating that I was recently out of a relationship. I built a profile similar to one of Chase's above templates. I also added a couple of things such as interests and the fact that I was looking for a relationship (a lot of women aren't looking for anything serious on POF).

I've been on POF for less than a week, so I've only sent about 15 different girls a message. I spend roughly ten minutes analyzing each profile and messaging them. I've gotten numerous girls I don't find attractive checking out my profile, and even two messages from women initiating contact (one of them was incredibly hot!). In addition, SIX girls responded to my initial message, three of which actually attempted to build a rapport after their initial response. The hot girl who initiated contact would count as four. In my opinion, that's about a 33% rate in a world where men struggle to even get a single message back. I've noticed so far that Chase is right on the money about the seasoned veterans on POF and the newbies who delete their profiles after a couple of weeks. Be wary of both. Also, women about my own age or younger are the ones who expressed actual interest, so you may want to focus on those profiles.

So far, I have a date lined up and possibly a couple more depending on how my interactions with them go. Chase's article WORKS. Period.

I would recommend adding your own flavor to it, however. Come up with your own interesting/funny Tagline and alter Chase's message templates a bit by adding your own personality to them. Also, don't be afraid to do the Chemistry/Relationship Needs tests if you're actually looking for a relationship.

Good luck out there and wish me the same,

K.

Jeff Pilson's picture

I think one of the best ideas is to use a main profile picture that really stands out, either a florescent background or hypnosis type background, something where, when girls are look at many different profile thumbs, yours just jumps out immediately. Getting looked at is the first step. For guys who feel they get a very low percentage of replies to first emails definitely check out the software program Plenty Of Fish Fast.

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