Gym Pickup: Dos, Don'ts, and How to Meet Girls at a Gym | Girls Chase

Gym Pickup: Dos, Don'ts, and How to Meet Girls at a Gym

gym pickupIn the comment section of the article on how to have a sexy walk, Matt remarked:

Excellent article, my brother! Would love to see a post about direct/indirect pick ups specifically at the gym. Seems like a great place for day game, girls at the gym are obviously some of the hottest you'll see out in the day cause they're fit and healthy... but it's a challenging proposition. Many are listening to iPods, plugged into their music and workout. Whenever I talk to a girl at the gym I feel like I'm "disrupting" her workout.

Matt

One of the very first places I picked up from when I was brand new to cold approach was the gym. In that case, it was a girl who worked at the gym who I sort of knew from class (I was in university at the time), but hadn't spoken to before, and I took the gym as my opportunity to do so - and then to have her drive me to get some food, and set up a proper date.

You might think gym pickup is inordinately hard simply because there are so many big muscular guys there, or because the women look so good (and there are so few of them), or because it's so brightly lit and obvious, or because since everyone else is focused on putting weights in the air and treadmill tread behind them, and that you're really going to stick out when you approach.

But in fact, there are certain advantages to meeting girls in the gym for a socially savvy man, not the least of which is the fact that most of those guys who are working out so hard there are doing so because they have no idea how to get women.

So there's not actually as much competition as you think. And in certain ways, even the environment itself can work to your benefit.

In this post, we'll take a close look at the dos and don'ts of gym pickup, along with the how-tos for opening and game at the gym.

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his Mastery Package.

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Comments

Jack's picture

Hi Chase,

A slight digression from the post, hope you can add your two cents to this. You mentioned avoid being the guy who's "racked with anxiety". Throughout most of my life, I have been plagued with anxiety. My mother suffers from anxiety and I believe it has significantly influenced my development. In high school, though I was part of the cool crowd, i knew at the very core, I was extremely uncomfortable around other people. To hide my weakness, I would put on a facade that consisted of being a loud, obnoxious, "bad-ass" person.

I have matured from this and instead of living through a mask, i want to tackle my anxiety head-on. My belief is that, just like anything, gradual exposure will ultimately desensitize. I have been forcing myself to approach strangers and make conversations on a daily basis with this belief in mind. It's been a difficult journey though. Correct me if I'm wrong but through reading your ebook and blog posts, I take it you've gone through a phase of social anxiety/general anxiety yourself as well. If you could be so kind to share with me how you tackled your social anxiety, specific "exercises" that you found extremely helpful, anything you think is worth mentioning, it would truly be a boon to my development.

Many thanks,
Jack

Anonymous's picture

Hey Jack..

An important part of this is state control, there is a series on this by Ricardus.

http://www.girlschase.com/content/how-pick-girls-success-factor-part-i
http://www.girlschase.com/content/how-pick-girls-success-factor-part-ii
http://www.girlschase.com/content/how-pick-girls-success-factor-part-iii
http://www.girlschase.com/content/how-pick-girls-success-factor-part-iv
http://www.girlschase.com/content/how-pick-girls-success-factor-part-v

While not directly addressing anxiety, it does cover a good idea of how one could approach this problem. I myself am constantly working on this, but for a different state. You'll see mainstream PUA stuff where you wear ridiculous hats or outfits to get over their fear of approach, but that's only temporary. You need to constantly work and make your goal of changing your default state of mind / essence. For example, my goal is to produce an incredibly sexy vibe that absorbs people, and I've actually am starting to get this as my default inner mood. Just keep your telling yourself and thinking about how you need to feel.. remember that moment where you came out of bed with a girl and you felt on top of the world. Just keep reinforcing good behaviors and moods that you want to STICK. The other part of the equation is experience and weathering. If you can maintain this mood and state through bad experiences as well, it will be a scar in your character. Something incredibly difficult to get rid of.

So get experience, and fail a lot.. until your default state is no longer anxiety but that of excitement and gristle.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Hey Jack,

I come from a similar background family-wise, though I didn't know it until I was an adult and had long since conquered my own anxiety issues. I've actually worked with my own mother since to try and help her reach a similar place free from anxiety.

I'll working on getting a post up specifically on anxiety sometime over the next couple of weeks. Although, like anonymous says, a big part of it is straight up getting battle-hardened through experience.

But stick around, and tune back in in a few for the post!

Best,
Chase

IceCold's picture

This is a very good article, thank goodness I didn't do those don'ts! Chase I have to get something off my chest that's been borthering me. My life is summed up pretty much of me getting girls but not having as many sex partners as I want. Can you explain what's up with what's going on? I feel like I have bad luck or a bad vibe Im a good person it's just that I can't get rid of this dark cloud.

It's basically like if it's not going wrong it will. Like I can have a girl so into me but something out of nowhere messes things up, like she just acts like an asshole or she says one thing and does another. Another is the girls I do click with happen to be crazy girls, I cant stop from picking these bad apples. It just really kills me inside that I have bad luck happen to me weither I sleep with a girl or not.

Chase I'll be honest on what I need help with. My main problem is this black cloud of bad luck or a bad vibe girls think I might have. I say it's bad luck because I honesty believe in myself that i should have way more sex partners than what I have now because i put in alot of work on my self, I got fashion, game, looks, personality, how can i get intimate with girls and not deal with rejection or problem after problem. It's driving me crazy and I want to give up but I won't, my ego won't let me. Chase how can I get rid of these problems with bad luck/dry spell? And get to sleeping with more women ASAP? Thank you Chase.

Anonymous's picture

IceCold, this is more common than you may think. It's hard to discern what you're actual problem with women may be, as it may be multiple.. but here are some things you ought to do:

1) Work on your fundamentals some more. By the time you get over your 'spell' (oh and you will), if you have rock solid fundamentals you will start cruisin. Hammer down that irresistible frame and you'll be rollin.

2) Figure out your logistics better. This is the main reason why most guys fail, they don't handle the time and place. This often causes the girl to autoreject and it's why you may find girls suddenly turning from awesome to cray cray. It's not that the girls you're dating are crazy per se.. you've just got to move faster. This is a lot easier in rougher and more time critical environments... such as:

3) Day game. I've got a feelin' that you're doing too much social circle game. It's slow. It's boring, and it's not a whole lotta women. Meet more girls.. chances are the girls you meet on the street will be a whole lot more interested in you than the little social circle girls. You'll fail a lot more too however.. A LOT more. This fixes your logistics handling (2).

I've missed quite a bit but those are the main ones..

- Anon

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Hey IceCold,

Anonymous had some sound recommendations. I don't want to go overboard on the technical advice here though, because I know you've been struggling a bit, and I wanted to point out something I'm catching in your comment - there are some hints of "victim mentality" in there that, until you catch them and stomp them out, are going to keep rearing their ugly heads and making things a lot more challenging for you mentally, which slows your gains down everywhere else.

I just put a post up on it here:

How Victim Mentality Can Stifle Your Life – and Luck with Women

Have a look through that - hopefully it isn't offensive, but rather eye-opening instead.

Cheers,
Chase

The Tool's picture

Great article Chase. These tips are excellent. Was curious, I happen to be one of those staff members at the gym :). And for me if I make any mistakes on this I can get in trouble or fired. I attempted one pickup when I was working by myself and succeded.

It was 8 am and this girl wanted to Tan and she had another hour before she could tan (24 hour law) so she begged and i told her to wait another hour, she stayed in the locker room and came out an hour later, she asked If she could tan yet, I told her 5 more minutes and asked her "so what brings you to the gym this early on a saturday? working out before work or to flirt with the guy at the front desk? She said Haha I am not. I said "you totally are and now your lieing about it...jeeze." she said haha I guess I am. anyway jist of it I deepdived a bit and got her digits saying your a cool girl we should get some coffee sometime. she said sure and baddabing.

Anyway as a staff member things like this are risky for I can lose my job if it was ever found out or I made it awkward for a girl. So would you advise that those guys who are in fact the staff not try to pick up girls at their own gym? (I get free membership so I am not going to workout elsewear". I know I should not attempt it while I am working, But how should I go about it if at all while I am working out, (lift 4 days a week).

Any advice would help I flirt with the girls there all the time but im reluctant to take it anywhere because of the reprucussions if anything goes south.

PUA Vault's picture

Like they say...don't sh*t where you eat. Was this girl worth you potentially making her awkward and having her complain to your boss if the pickup didn't go smooth?

I see staff working out without their red shirts (24fitness) all the time at the gym. I would assume those would be better times for staff to work their magic.

The Tool's picture

True True definately not worth losing my job over lol

Author
Chase Amante's picture

One way around the this and the point PUA Vault raises is by using barriers, which are artificial flirting obstacles that challenge her to overcome them in order to "get" you.

So you might flirt a bit, then say, "You know, normally, this is the point where I'd tell you we need to grab some food sometime and trade cell numbers and a torrid romance would begin... but since I work here, I'm not allowed to ask you for that; it's against the rules. Sucks, right?"

At which point, she knows what the deal is. If she likes you, she's going to ask you for your number then herself... or if she's got game, she might tease you and flirt with you for a bit just to see how you react to the pressure, and ask you for it later if you hold up well.

You can take those rules standing in your way, and simply make them fun.

Anyway, the cautionary aspect of course is, yeah, your job's probably the most important thing (unless it isn't). So keep things subtle and under-the-radar until she's actively chasing you if you're going to game at work.

Chase

The Tool's picture

awesome Chase, thanks for the tip, that sounds like definately the best way to go about it. I will definately implament that tactic

Anonymous's picture

I have been looking into the articles for some time, and this was as great an article as the otheres are. But my question here is: I am on my last year of high school, does any of the stuff taught here apply to me? Or is this just Adults Only? I noticed people always refering to their experiences in high school, so my first guess is that some of them can apply on that situation as well. If that's the case, how much of what has been thought here on the site apply on high school?

My best regards,
An High Schooler

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Hey High Schooler,

Well, the good news is, girls are girls are girls, no matter whether they're white or black or Asian or 18 or 22 or 30 or older. So, a lot of learning dating and seduction applies to high school, yeah; the only part that's different is where you do your approaches.

Most younger guys I've known have had to stick to malls, parties, and the street, since bars, nightclubs, and a lot of the other venues older guys go to often are off-limits (and you usually won't want to be doing much cold approach in school since everybody knows one another; you'll be following the tenets of social circle game there, instead).

Cheers,
Chase

High Schooler's picture

Hey again Chase,

I live in Portugal, and in here the legal drinking age, and that being the age to enter bars and nightclubs, but I do know that those places are have somewhat more intricate techniques on how to get girls.
Anyway, you said that the difference is just on the venues where to apply what I learned here and on the aproach at school?
If it is that so, and I just read the article on Cold Approach vs Social Circle, I could use some tips on how to make the social circle as most successful as possible, given you having knowlege of how it works. If you could give me, and the rest of the community some I would be appreciated.

My best regards,

High Schooler

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Howdy HS,

I've got a post up on social circle seduction right here, in fact:

The Secret to Hooking Up with Friends

But have a look through that one and see if that doesn't answer your question on the main difference with social circle (secret is keeping girls on your periphery until you're prepared to take action). If there's anything on social circle that that one doesn't address, let me know and we can do a post on it at some point.

Best,
Chase

Anonymous's picture

I was at the mall one day doing some clothes shopping, and I sat down to eat some lunch in the food court. These two kids were sitting next to me looking around, I couldn't quite tell how old, maybe freshmen/sophomore high school..

It was obvious, they were running around hitting on girls. I sat there observing while eating. Eventually one compliment on my watch, and then I asked what they were up to.. I gave them some tips, be more commanding and dominant (but not like a douche, be respectful), and simply ask if the girls were single etc etc.

Came back a few weeks later to meet up with some friends and I see the little geeks with one of them with his arms around a girl. She was quite the beaut, I got a kick out of that.

- Anon

Author
Chase Amante's picture

That is funny, yeah. Good tale... it's a lot of fun sharing this kind of stuff with motivated people and watching it work.

I'm sure the kids appreciated the advice, in any event...!

Chase

G's picture

Chase

Great post. Applies to multiple situations.
Creating connections and friendships wherever
you visit will immediately generate intrigue
Thus creating more opportunities.

The idea of being shut down before approach has
Popped up a few times now usually by staring

Glancing over and over hoping to lock eyes seems silly
A strong sexual stare shows obvious interest giving you away

If you find the time a clarification on what is or is not
Acceptable how to provide a proper stare or maybe no eye contact at all
Would really help adding to our confidence as men.

Thanks,
G

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Howdy G,

I've got a couple of articles on eye contact up:

Elite Eye Contact
Eye Contact Flirting
Eyes That Draw

... have a look. You'll probably find what you're looking for in there - if you don't though, let me know!

Cheers,
Chase

Brock's picture

Hi. Great article and perfect timing!
I have just joined a new gym having moved to England. I have been going for the last two weeks and on have noticed a pretty girl that also goes quite regularly that seems to be the hottest girl there. For the last couple of sessions we have been kinda eye fucking each other peripherally. I would like to believe that I have been given a sign of interest from her side. I have definitely been adhering to all the "Dos" I have read here today ad have also been creating a "vibe" at the gym which is why I think she has been showing an interest as I am definitely somewhat more intriguing that the other meatheads there.

On Friday, this was happening again, so at the end of the workout I decided to walk past her on the treadmill and give her some direct eye contact and smile. So I did this and as I'm walking past her and smiling she smiles back and says hi, which actually threw me off guard a bit and I kept on walking. I was kicking myself after thinking that perhaps I should have opened. But in hindsight I probably would have fumbled so taking some time to think about it has helped me relax more.

Anyway, I have decided to approach. She likes to squat and I know she sees me squatting too (and I squat really heavy) because her treadmill is right behind the squat rack. So I was thinking of opening and using the squat as a 'common' thread (something like "I see you also squat - it's quite unusual to see a girl squatting at a gym..." or something along the lines of form etc) before moving into general conversation and then pushing for a number.

Do you think this is a good approach. Or would you suggest something alternative? Perhaps playing the "I'm new here" card? Any other tips for closing the deal?

Thanks for a great site and article. I have never really had issues picking up girls (I am 31 now) but am finding the art of pickup very fun and complementary to the type of person I am. So your articles are fantastic, well written and researched and really helpful and I put them in to practice every day. Keep up the great work.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Howdy Brock,

It sounds like she digs you, most definitely. If you're seeing her there all the time, you don't need to rush it, specifically... you can just go a little bit more, a little bit more each time, until SHE tries to rush it, and then it's on.

e.g., you walk by her, smile, she says hi. Next time you see her, "How's the work out today?" Act like you're old friends. She'll tell you, then maybe ask you something. You can ask her what her work out objective is. etc.

I wouldn't recommend the "I see you do X," thing, unless you can do it SUPER smooth - otherwise, it comes across pretty clearly like an ingenuine pickup line, and asking her about a specific exercise is impersonal (i.e., not very engaging for her). "I'm new here," gives a bit too much power to her; it's essentially saying, "I'm at your mercy, if you'd be interested."

Instead, just treat her like an old friend, get into more and more conversation each time you see her (doesn't have to be over a long period of time; you can do it over the course of a week or two, or even the first time you really talk to her if you get into a solid conversation where she's engaged and contributing), and then once you have a "break out" conversation once both of you are really chatting each other up and enjoying it, tell her the two of you should grab a bite some time outside the weight room and swap phone numbers.

Cheers,
Chase

adam jauregui's picture

Love the article and the blog Chase! I workout at the gym a few times every week so reading your gym pick-up advice is a definite boon to me.

Anyways, at the gym a couple weeks ago, I noticed this one attractive girl working out by herself on a seated machine who was approached (and kind of cornered) by a guy who's got at least 20 years on her. I was like "wtf? is this old man trying to pick up this girl at the gym?" I was too far away to hear anything they were saying, but I sneaked glances (feared to stare) once in a while and all I could see was this old guy OBVIOUSLY investing more in the conversation as he used gestures in his speaking while this girl was just motionless in her seat, saying something every now and then. In my head I was like, "OMG. I should just walk over there right now and be like 'okay, babe, I'm done working out. let's go,' " saving her from this older man. But--*sigh*--I didn't have the balls to do that, so I just finished my workout and left. Anyway, I'd like to hear your thoughts though on "saving" a girl from a bad interaction with another man, like what are the indicators she's not liking the guy who approached her, what I can do/say to get him out of the way and me in, and how to position myself so it doesn't look like I'm spying on them. Have you done this before? And does it noticeably up her attraction in you compared to other girls that you just normally approach?

P.S. I know I'm probably using the wrong term when I say "saving" her. I don't necessarily mean I want to be her hero, but I don't know any other way to put it.

thanks!

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Howdy Adam,

Absolutely, you get an attraction boost after saving a girl like this! I've had some really fun, and really rapid, escalations with girls I've "saved" from guys who don't get it.

They did a study on interviewers some time back, and found that if an interviewer had a particularly bad interviewee, the next interviewee looked much better by comparison (and the opposite was also true; a great interviewee made the next interviewee interviewed after him look awful). So I'd presume something similar is at play here - you look AMAZING in contrast (not to mention you show her you GET it and really know her, which is immensely attractive to women).

For these, you can sometimes get eye contact from the girl first (her way of saying, "What are you WAITING for? SAVE ME!"), and sometimes not. The worst thing that happens is the girl is confused, in which case you play it off, my bad, quick glance, you looked like my friend, I figured I'd have some fun. Best case? She's incredibly grateful for your help (and you've got a lusty new "fan").

Might as well go get her, right?

Cheers,
Chase

Natron's picture

I really liked the hypothetical chat with Annie. But it's convenient that you designed the scenario for a girl with an old fashioned name. I'm wondering how you woul have proceeded I she'd said "hi my name is Ashley", which is much more likely?

mclaugdu's picture

Great article...very insightful. One thing I have always wondered is how to engage the girl that's always doing cardio and wearing headphones. With cardio, it's not as easy to engage in between sets like with weights.

There is a girl at my gym that I've noticed for some time now and have always wanted to speak to. I want to avoid being that guy that walks in the middle of her session to talk to her only to have to repeat myself because she's wearing headphones. Any tips? I think we have caught each other glancing in the mirror several times. She doesn't wear a ring and is there late on Friday nights occasionally. While this is definitely no guarantee she is single, it's a step in the right direction.

Anyway, I would definitely like to know your thoughts.

Thanks!

Average gym rat's picture

Hey Chase, all the way from mexico, nice article you wrote here,
thanks for the tips.

There is this girl who I see literally at least 4 times a week in the gym, so I didnt want to make things awkard for that reason, though, I think I've managed to avoid all the don'ts and have spoken to her like to or three times in 2 weeks and just asked her Hey are you using this or those kind of words to start breaking the ice, but she is always listening to music, never stares at anyone or talks to anyone , she seems to focused on her training, so I kinda find it difficult to make my approach, any thought bud?..

Anonymous's picture

Two of the most amazing women I met were at the gym.
Don't discount the spiritual connection that you may feel.
When it's meant to be it will happen, easily, naturally and
you won't be scared to engage.

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