Imagine this scenario, if you will.
A man goes out with a woman, and everything feels like it is going great. She’s totally into him, smiles at everything he says, and follows his lead. Then, at some point during the interaction, she does something that completely catches him off guard.
Maybe she refuses a request in an attempt to test him.
Maybe she decides that going home with him wouldn’t be a good idea, and she protests at such an idea.
Maybe she puts up last minute resistance and leaves him wondering what in the world he needs to do to get past it.
All of the previous scenarios include a defining moment, because these men are unsure of how to proceed with unforeseen challenges.
These defining moments are the points in conversation where most men lose women. They are lost at what to do in such a scenario, and effectively scrape their minds to find a strategy to blow past that which is in the way of their goals.
… And when each strategy just doesn’t work out, what do they do? They lose power, and begin to panic. The loss of power causes them to become moody, belligerent, and bitter, because they just aren’t getting what they want with women.
Overreactions like this happen all the time. They are one of the primary destroyers of an interaction which otherwise may have been going along quite well, but were utterly destroyed when the leader (that’s you) ran into a roadblock. The smooth, seductive mask is lifted, and you are left angry at finding yourself unable to get to where you wanted to get to.
Why Do People Overreact?
Overreacting is the result when you combine two phenomena:
- The lack of control
- The inability to get what one wants
When people have neither control nor happiness they become extremely bitter with the people who they believe hold the power to make things better.
For example, we at Girls Chase advocate that men maintain the power in a relationship to ensure attraction. A woman does not become exceedingly moody and belligerent if the man maintains this power as long as he is able to keep her happy with the relationship.
On the opposite side of the spectrum, a woman who is unhappy with her current situation isn’t going to blame her nice guy friend for not providing her with sex, simply because she knows she is the only one who has the power to make such a thing work – but she chooses against it because he is a platonic buddy.
Only the one in power receives the blame, and without the combination, you aren’t going to run into overreactions.
Understanding the interaction between these phenomena shows just how potent the resulting scenario of an overreaction is within the sphere of relationships. You get an overreaction in its purest form, because the lack of control is the result of being unable to get what you want.
For instance, guys who overreact with women often encounter a lack of control as a direct result of the inability to get what they want.
This problem only further promotes women overreacting, because the man is supposed to be the one with the power in the relationship, causing them to overreact because they aren’t able to get what they want from you either.
It’s a headache – a big mess. No one exits such a situation satisfied.
And, because there is very little that can be done after you’ve already lost face and conceded power, you need to focus on preventing the loss of power and freeing yourself from inherently limiting mindsets.
Vital Mindsets to Prevent Overreacting
There are two primary modes of action that you can implement to prevent overreactions. Like everything, they depend on a mix of mindsets and actual techniques and strategies that you can use when it comes to crunch time.
First up, we’ll discuss the mindset for the issue of not getting what you want.
A difficult task indeed, because you cannot simply get what you want in every single situation in life, especially when it comes to influencing other people. There are some people in life that just won’t budge, and no amount of mastermind trickery is going to get you what you want.
Because of such variability in life, you must always remain independent of the outcome of the situation.
Outcome independence is a mindset that frees you from feeling the frustration of not getting the results you desire, thus curbing the need to overreact. This is why you’ll see me talking about outcome independence quite frequently, because it largely takes cares of any overreactions altogether, which allows you to move things forward with women.
If you work to the best of your ability and are unable to take a woman home, you gracefully bow out, knowing that there very well may be intangible factors in place that simply prevent your desired scenario from playing out.
Note that this should never take the place of actual results, but letting it get to you in the heat of the moment just results in you being unsmooth, uncool, and worst of all, it makes you overreact.
To fully take advantage of the outcome independence mindset, you must also be doing a few other things right.
Most importantly, you must be willing to persist and have absolute confidence that what you are working towards is the preferred outcome for the both of you.
Oftentimes, I’m presented with this question: when should you persist with a woman you want to get to know?
All the time.
I know what you may be thinking if this is your first time hearing about persistence. “Sounds creepy” is the reaction that most people will give me upon hearing that you need to try harder in a specific moment to create more opportunities for success.
However, persistence is creating opportunities even though you may think that you have none. You’re taking shot after shot at the goal, creating the possibility that she will change her answer and say “yes”.
I’ve found persistence to be an extremely useful tactic, as it works to get women to look past their inhibitions and do what they really want to do.
I probably would not have slept with my current girlfriend if I didn’t persist, because she held inhibitions about the role of sex in a relationship. She put up heavy last-minute resistance the first time I tried to bed her and was completely against the idea of first date sex. Even after pulling out all the tricks in the book by making use of a slow escalation and getting her invested in the process, she stuck to her guns and completely refused to let me touch her pussy every time.
Naturally, persistence cannot be followed indefinitely – there has to be a point in which it would be more advantageous to stop the interaction, as such a point could bring you further from the escalation.
This brings up the question: at what point should you stop with your persistence?
Personally, the point at which I know it is time to bow into resistance is the point at which she is just about to become blatantly annoyed with my persistence.
This is precisely what I did with my current girlfriend. She was just about to get annoyed that I kept trying to escalate to sex, and I flat out slowed down the interaction into simply falling asleep.
I could’ve easily blown it and got angry that she didn’t sleep with me, but I understood that it was something that was out of my control. So I let it be, and went to sleep.
After all that, imagine my shocked grin when I felt her grinding on me in the middle of the night. This time, we rapidly escalated towards sex without any resistance – almost as if I was escalating with a completely different woman.
When we woke up the next morning, she remarked that a switch just flipped in her mind and she somehow knew that she wanted to sleep with me after I stopped persisting and calmly went to sleep. I was the smooth man who understood her, and that turned her on more than she ever knew she could be turned on.
The thing I had going for me persistence-wise was my absolute confidence that escalation to sleeping with me was the best possible outcome for the night. Only if she is still unyielding after that do I let things slide, because I know that the outcome isn’t vitally important to my life. She’s just a silly, cute girl after all.
That’s because you can only try so many times to get a girl to move forward before she is going to straight up start getting mad and dismissive with you, and I absolutely make sure to push it to that limit.
Because I am absolutely confident in my frame that sleeping together NOW is an experience that she’ll never forget, which trumps her frame that we should wait.
If You Find Yourself Overreacting, Take Action
Mindsets are great and all, but there are certainly times where doubt can creep in and dismantle even the best of nights.
Sometimes persistence won’t pan out, and you’ll find yourself increasingly invested into getting your desired results. The more effort you put into something, the more you want it to occur, which does lend itself to overreacting.
Persistence definitely is a double-edged sword; however, if you use it correctly, not even the failures will sting you.
One of the most common scenarios where I see men overreacting is in the midst of simply talking to a girl. It often plays out in one of two ways:
An inexperienced guy meets unplanned resistance or things aren’t going the way he wanted, and he slowly submits to her frame while he panics from within.
Unfortunately, neither of these scenarios are the ideal situation, because the man makes a fool of himself either way.
What is the correct thing to do when you find yourself becoming bitter, submitting, or otherwise unable to control the situation and notably upset by your outcomes?
You walk away from the situation.
It’s never a good idea to stay in an arena when you are unable to control the way you feel as a direct result of the situation at hand. That’s because, for the large part, such emotions are cemented in your head, unable to free themselves from the clutches of your past experiences.
I used to think that I could find some way, some method of bringing myself back from overreactions, in hopes that I’d be able to salvage some part of what I had going for me beforehand, but it all tends to fall flat on its face.
It’s a good thing we live in a society bursting with other women and other opportunities. Each blown overreaction is a situation to learn from, and a reminder that you can’t always get what you want.
But you can try.