When Women Test Men


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Women nearly universally display a social behavior with men they like that's often referred to as "testing." Testing is what women do when they're looking to see if a man is strong and congruent with himself; in other words, if he really is all the man he's presenting himself to be.

Asking a man to do something for her, or teasing him with sexual suggestions to see if he jumps at the opportunity or gets overexcited, or dropping hints with regards to her own promiscuity or relationship status to see if he gets defeated and walks away – all those are "tests," and there are many other varieties.

Testing often gets a bad rap with men. It gets called annoying, frustrating, or petty – but still, all but the absolute most innocent, trusting, inexperienced women – the ones who don't know men any better yet – do it. But why do women test men, and how do you act in testing situations? That's the subject of this post: what to do when women test you.



Why Women Test Men

You've got to understand first that when a woman is dealing with a man she's considering as a potential mate, one of her top priorities is finding out if this guy really is a strong, confident, successful man. In both primal times and still today, ending up pregnant with the child of a weak, unsuccessful man meant and means bad news: lack of proper support from that man; lack of protection by him; susceptibility to the risks of the weak (jealousy, insecurity, anger, spousal abuse); a far higher chance of having a weak child.

Weak men are dangerous men.

But a woman can't go by just what a man says when she's trying to assess his strength. If she asks a man, "Are you a strong, successful, confident man?" every single man, no matter how true or not it is for him, is going to say, "Why yes of course I am."

There's a learning curve in women; the least experienced women often haven't realized the need to test men yet, so might not test men much, and what tests they do try are clumsy and weaker men make it past them more easily. As women grow in experience with men, though, their tests get tighter and more pointed and they get better at figuring out the strong men from the rest with speed, accuracy, and efficiency.

In the game of mating, the arms race is ongoing; the men who want to position themselves as ideal mates and cover up their flaws, and the women who want to separate the wheat from the chaff and expose what flaws exist and where they exist.

Women test men to better to know who those men really are. They test them to know whether they truly are strong – or whether they're just pretenders. They use tests because the same test that rolls off the nose of a strong man without ruffling a single feather of his will completely throw off a less confident man, and send him scrambling into damage control.

As it were, tests are an extremely effective method for women to find out how strong and successful and confident a man really is, because responses to tests are quite difficult to fake. Women are looking mostly at a man's nonverbals, and nonverbals are extremely challenging to misrepresent. It's easier to just get strong and confident and successful than it is to fake being strong and confident and successful.

For understanding why women test, it's helpful to understand the emotions a woman is feeling when she tests. The emotions typically are one of the following:

  • Playfulness
  • Frustration
  • Disgust
  • Dismissal

All, stated otherwise, "borderline" emotions. Emotions she feels when she's on the fence about a guy and not dead-set on going to bed with him or, conversely, on counting him out as a sexual option altogether.

If a woman is testing a man playfully, it's because she's interested, but not yet convinced. She's enjoying spending time with him, but doesn't take him fully seriously yet (that doesn't mean she won't later). Her sentiment is basically, "This guy is cute. I wonder if he's the real deal..."

If a woman's testing a man in frustration, disgust, or dismissal, she's in one of a variety of stages of auto-rejection and is, by testing him, throwing him a lifeline at redemption. Her sentiment is basically, "I hope he says or does the right thing in response to this test and makes me change my mind about him."

Take note that women will not test two specific types of men:

  • Men they are 100% committed to being with, and
  • Men they are 100% not interested in.

So if you're not being tested, it's because a woman either has written you off entirely as not a valid option, or she's so entranced and in-love with you that she hasn't a doubt in her mind that you are the one she wants to be with. An example of the former – the guy she's written off – might be a guy she's just friends with in a very platonic way. An example of the latter – the guy she's head-over-heels with – might be a guy who's in a local rock band and she knows exactly what she wants with him – a quick fling or one-night stand, for instance – and she's fully committed to getting it.



Passing the Tests Women Give

The first thing you'll need to start successfully passing tests from women is a good understanding of the Law of Least Effort in social situations. You want to be getting maximal results with minimal visible effort whenever and wherever possible socially.

The impact a good understand of the Law has on your responses to testing is immediate. Once you know you shouldn't be jumping up and down and bending over backward for women who haven't already put in a similar level of investment for you (and even if they have put in a lot, you still don't want to go too far), you'll stop making some of the most common mistakes men make.

Here's how women test men, with a handful of the more common tests you'll see, and here to is how men often fail those tests:

Scenario One: Drinks

Girl: Will you get me a drink?

Man: Sure, definitely. What do you want?

Scenario Two: Hand on Her Arm or Leg

Girl: Would you mind not touching me like that? I don't like being touched.

Man: Oh, sorry. [moves hand]

Scenario Three: Resistance

Girl: I can't go sit with you, sorry; I have to stick close to my friends.

Man: Oh, okay.

Scenario Four: Temptation

Girl: So what is it you want to do with me, exactly?

Man: Umm... nothing! I just want to talk to you!

If you possess even a small degree of social intuition, you can feel in your gut that those responses to women are weak and wrong. As for women, they have a lot more than a mere modicum of social intuition, and those kinds of responses ring like alarm bells telling them the man responding this way is not a man of strength and self-possession. Quite often, a single weak response like this can be enough to sink you.

Think about that for a moment there: one weak response can derail an entire seduction.

That's especially true early on; once a woman is fairly certain she likes you, and she's invested in you, you're allowed a little leeway, so if you slip up a bit later on, you stand better odds of getting a second chance than had you made a similar slip before she started feeling connected to you and before she became invested in you. This is why it's so important to move fast with women and start on deep diving right away and get them investing in and connecting to you in a hurry. The sooner a woman's invested in and connected to you, the fewer tests you'll see, and the more slack you'll be given if your responses aren't perfectly on point at times.

Back to the tests themselves. Thing is, if you're a beginner or you're early in the intermediate phase of developing your skill set with women, even if you know these kinds of responses – where you put in too much effort by over-investing or by retreating on your positions or defending yourself – are wrong, you still do them anyway. Why is that?

It's mostly because, until you've been battle-hardened a bit, you won't be prepared to react. All the martial arts training in the world won't do much to steel you against that first big fight you end up in; once you have a bunch of men socking you in the face, all those years of training go out the window and you fall back on pure instinct and defensiveness. It takes repeated exposure to situations where you're getting physically hit to be able to remain calm and to follow your training despite the immediacy of the situation. This is every bit as true with meeting women and riding out tests; even when you know exactly how you ought to respond to a test, early on you'll often find yourself defaulting to weak or defensive responses regardless.

Don't beat yourself up too much over this; just recognize that you need more exposure and more time in the field meeting live women and experiencing the things women test men with in real life to develop the thick skin to it you need to remain calm and composed and follow your training.

Let's have a look now at some examples of how a collected, self-assured man would reply to the same tests we used above from women. Facial expressions, body language, and tonality are all crucial here; a woman's paying even more attention to what you communicate nonverbally than to what you say verbally when you respond to a test of hers. You want to be a sexy man and be charming and evocative as you reply – so don't just work on the words; work on the delivery, too.

Scenario One: Drinks

Girl: Will you get me a drink?

Man: Maybe later, if you're good. What brought you out tonight?

Scenario Two: Hand on Her Arm or Leg

Girl: Would you mind not touching me like that? I don't like being touched.

Man: You mean… like this? [slapping other hand on her right next to where first one is, and smiling like he's just about to start laughing; it's a game to him]

Girl: I just don't like it when people I don't know touch me.

Man: [laughs] Okay, party pooper. You want an awkward wall of no-touching between us, fine. [moves hands] I still might go find a ruler or something to reach out and caress your cheek with later once you've decided I'm the man of your dreams.

Scenario Three: Resistance

Girl: I can't go sit with you, sorry; I have to stick close to my friends.

Man: Yes you can. Come sit with me; it's just over here. You'll be plenty close to your friends.

Scenario Four: Temptation

Girl: So what is it you want to do with me, exactly?

Man: Well, the first thing I want to do with you is have you keep me company while I drink my drink. After that... hmm, we'll see.



Maintain Your Cool

The most important part about passing a test is maintaining your cool and staying composed. Even if you do do what the girl asks you to do, do it like you meant to do it and wanted to do it anyway. Remember that seeking to throw you off balance – either playfully, or in the hopes that you'll turn around her views of you – is the principal driving motivator in how women test men. Women do many things with the intention of exploring a man's reaction; it's how they learn about him and his feelings toward them. By keeping your composure and staying cool, you communicate that you are in-control, self-possessed, non-needy, and every bit the kind of man she hopes you are.

Above all, don't resent women for testing you. They test every man they aren't 100% certain of, whose minds they don't feel they can read 100%, and even after you've slept with a girl, even after you've made her your girlfriend, even after you've made her your wife, she'll keep testing you anyway for the rest of your and her time together. She must constantly assess if you continue to be strong enough to protect her and provide for her, and whether you're showing signs of instability, weakness, or decay – because, as we mentioned at the beginning of this post, those things are very dangerous to women. Strong, confident men don't harm and hinder women. Weak, unstable ones do.

So stay cool. Stay nonplussed and unreactive in the face of even tough testing. And smile inwardly to yourself every time you face a test – whether you pass, or whether you don't – because you'll know that each time, you're getting trained a little more about what to expect, and a little more of the fog of war is being lifted as you become better and better prepared to face and handle tests going forward.

Also note that whether you're using chase frames and flirting with girls effectively or not is going to play a big role in whether you receive tests; as you position yourself more and more as the pursued, and her more and more as the pursuer, it is increasingly you who will be testing her – and not the other way around.

Ultimately, with time, as you learn to handle them properly and as you employ more chase framing and flirting in your interactions, tests fade in importance from your awareness. Someone asked me a few months ago if women still test me. I said, "No, they don't; I can't remember the last time I got tested." But then I thought about it, and I realized that yes, they test me all the time; I just am so comfortable with tests that I always pass with flying colors and they don't even register as tests. Just like women's objections, you come to smile at tests and know that they are opportunities that, when handled properly, you'll see a noticeable spike in attraction and interest following your handling of them.

So, I won't say "enjoy tests," because while with time you'll come to enjoy them, first you've got to get through that initial period where they genuinely are a pain to deal with. But, if you put in the time meeting women and getting to know them, you'll face many a test down the line, and the more you face, the more you'll come to handle them with confidence and panache. So maybe, don't enjoy tests... but do try not to mind them too much.

Chase


Due to the level of cognitive dissonance for many readers/commenters on this one, I've written a follow-up article - if you're wondering "Do I HAVE to deal with women's tests?!", see this article next: "Do You Really Need to Learn Game to Get Girls?"

Related Articles from GirlsChase.com

Comments

Kyle's picture

This may sound off the wall


This may sound off the wall but consider that the girl flirting with you may be a higher dimension being that exists in a different frequency then we can detect in order to test your reaction to sex? Sounds crazy and think I should be locked up?

Search on Google *Are we in a simulation* and you will find some amazing results that independent scientists have done in which it's very likely there are different levels of realities in which we are only a small spectrum of and there are some very dark beings that want to enslave us slowly if we let them like a cancer spreading that goes undetected at first.

We just don't have the machines to detect these realities properly and a huge (75 percent) of the problem is mainstream science is funded thru campaigns which are easily prone to corruption and payed 'way too much' so it won't be easy to get them to change their views since that means giving up the money.

However this is about chasing girls so forgive me if I went too far off topic all right? Are we cool? :)

What I am trying to say is that perhaps your being tested on your 'primitive' human reactions by higher beings to see how much of your *ego* will show and if too much shows they will *brush* you off like yesterdays news until you align yourself with your *true being*.

This is all easier said then done as like I said our machines are too stupid to allow us to see our energy output or that would be a HUGE benefit to marriage situations.

I have no idea where I got this information from as I do not socialize very much due to sensory issues I have but the information just came to me as if I have some sort of hidden knowledge?

Anonymous's picture

What you smoking buddy?


What you smoking buddy?

Kel's picture

Making u jealous


Hello Chase,

How do you deal with girls that try to make you jealous? Lets say if a girl knows that you like her but doesnt entertain you much but give other guys the attention, how do you react to that? Do you just brush their act off the shoulder or you shouldnt really be continuing trying your luck with this girl? Its this even a test at all?

I find this intriguing as, by not being bothered at all, it may show that you dont care at all, but if u do or react to that, you make show a sign of weakness?

Cheers,

Kel

Mary's picture

Girls making you jealous


We try to make a guy jealous when we are annoyed and frustrated that they haven't chased us but you will fall into our trap and we will get bored of you instantly the moment you respond.

You need to chase her when she is not playing the game so that she doesn't associate her making you jealous with your actions. (read up Maslov's dog - not to say us girls are dogs but it's all about associations or NLP as some of you may be studying)

Make her want you.

Chase I've got the hots for you and to be honest, I dont care what you look like. You know how to turn me on with your words. Shame you're in the states and I'm in Australia.

DAVE's picture

Girls Making You Jealous


Ms. Mary - I hope that she is kidding.Women act like that?For real?

Schadenfreudian's picture

I have yet to understand why


I have yet to understand why a man would want to encourage a woman to transport her testing, bored, drama-needy world into his...unless he's a bored drama queen, too.

Walk away from this form of reprehensible behavior; no one--man or woman--needs this. I pity people who feel they have some sort of entitlement to put others through their "paces." Immature, self-centered, callous behavior that will only get worse if tolerated or chalked off as something that one sex does as a matter of course.

Jimmy's picture

relationships


I've been seeing a woman for a few months now on weekends coz we live about 86km's apart. When we first started hanging out it was good and we did enjoy each others company. I asked her one night if she wanted me to be hers, and she said that she did, but didnt coz she thought id find someone else and leave. A couple of months later i asked about relationships again because her friends called us boyfriend and girlfriend and she said she didnt know. Since then she said that shes been really busy and stopped texting as much, and if she did, they were only little vague texts. I've been trying to talk to her about why she didnt want a relationship, at one stage it was coz we thought differently and i was a bit shy and that we only communicated well by text messages.But now i've been able to communicate more with her, i still go up just to see her every now and then but still not staying over the weekend like old times. I asked her why cant we go back to the beginning and be like that again? In response she said "no, and it will hurt me coz you will find someone else and i'll know that i let something good go and my life will be just the same old again". I told her that she doesnt have to worry about that coz i like her a hell of alot, and that i want to be only hers. I'm trying to convince her to come down for dinner and a few other things then drinks, but she always says that she doesnt know. Can you help me please make sense of all this?? Thanks...

Anonymous's picture

I am in this situation where


I am in this situation where a girl is trying to make me feel jealous, I don't find her much, even though she's hot! So what I am going to do, and wish me good luck, is to completely forget about her! She's trying to find my buttons to push, and this is extra-exciting because I will find all these buttons and swoosh switch them off!

Unison's picture

What most women fail to


What most women fail to understand that by 'testing' a male, they are just increasing problems in their own life, because all men will react differently to the tests and that doesn't mean at all that the men who have passed the test is the 'right man'. This is where some cruel men lay traps to fool such 'testing' women by knowing all the tricks and how to react to the tests.

Women and even men also fail to understand the harsh reality that to be successful in a relationship and make it lasting, they have to have clear, transparent and continuous communication. They will come to know each other fully only when they start 'living' practical life.

Women need to understand that simply playing mind games, playing tricks and testing men, will only make situations worse because, most men are smart enough to read feminine/women forums and magazines and they know how to pass tests and react to feminine tricks - now does this mean that this man is the "man of their dreams" or a "strong" man? This is where most women fall prey to the "wrong" men and then criticize the entire male gender.

Women also need to understand that they have to "stop changing their minds" and be stable with one nature which is their true nature. They often keep chaning their reactions and expect that men should read their reactions. Truth be told - these changing reactions are only signs of uncertainty not only to men, but also to women.

Men need to understand that not all women are the same and not all women play mind games. Some women will simple read body language, ask questions and see whether men depict a proof of what they claim to be. Some women are simple, kind and naive - treat these women in a calm and honest way. For others women who test you, pass the test till an extent and if they are overexpecting or slow responding, just leave them - they will come back running and apologize.

Anonymous's picture

Man. I'm through trying to


Man. I'm through trying to figure out women. They do all this stupid shit to test you. I don't think anyone should have to get put through that. Whatever happened to just going for a nice guy and see how it goes from there?.. Nowadays women want to make things all complicated and shit.

Anonymous's picture

Women's Jealousy/Mind Games


I have lost count of the number of times women have tried to make me jealous with some other guy and I have always done the same thing - nothing.

It's actually quite amusing (unless it concerns a close friend and a wedge being driven between us) letting them enjoy the initial phases of their jealousy strategy, and then watching them gradually end up stuck with the guy they chose to use to try and make me jealous. I've had women end up getting pregnant to the jealousy tactic guy and still stuck years later tearing their hair out dealing with raising kids with some guy they can't even stand, all because of a stupid game they tried to play with someone who didn't even find them particularly appealing in the first place (and most of the girls who have tried this tactic with me have ranged from me not being attracted to them at all, to being only mildly interested).

In cases where I have actually had strong feelings for the young woman who unfortunately decided to resort to the jealousy tactic (which I am sometimes partially lay the blame with myself for as I like things to develop slowly with those who I feel are special and potentially 'the one', thus they get frustrated), as disappointed and heartbroken as I have been, I have just sat back and watched the same thing happen. I must say I've been tempted to intervene, but I could simply never ever allow myself to respond to this jealousy nonsense in any other way, and as soon they choose to go down that path they're a write-off, no matter how strong the feelings I had for them were. I will let them die.

To all those who say things like 'you must move fast or you will lose that woman to somebody else', 'no good woman will wait about' etc., I would say that women have minds and feelings of their own and aren't passive, fickle little barbie dolls who need to be chased, persuaded and stolen from somebody else. They can either feel it in their gut if they find a particular man is special or they can't, and if they choose to move onto another man because they feel the guy they want is not moving fast enough for them without trying to communicate with him in any way, then they immediately make a very foolish and often irreparable move in a potentially wonderful relationship. So to any guy who has been in this situation, and there are many as so many women clearly choose this idiotic path, you have not 'missed the boat', not lost a good woman - just identified one that isn't of value. Whereas she, on the other hand, has destroyed a potentially lifelong partnership over a completely irrational maneuver.

I also find it hard to comprehend how so many women actually believe this nonsense that if a man really wants them he will chase after them and tell them no matter what. A man with an attitude to jealousy tactics as outlined above for instance will stick to his principles and never bend in such circumstances. But aside for that, there could be literally thousands of reasons why a man may be reluctant to approach a woman he has deep feelings for and spill his heart out - ranging from him having something as serious as a terminal illness, to him having gotten excessively concerned about something which isn't even a problem at all. In situations like this, once again, it's the woman who chooses to act irrationally and in haste that ultimately loses. How can anyone logically argue otherwise if a woman chooses to act in this way without even attempting communication?

Bottom line guys - If a woman chooses to try and manipulate you with some stupid game just watch her play it on her own and then watch her ultimately end up stewing in her own juice/mess of her own making. And if a woman who you thought was special jumps to someone else (often a part of the jealousy tactic itself) and demonstrates she feels you weren't worth waiting for (or at least wants you to think that), then she has ultimately only demonstrated that she wasn't good enough for you.

cool's picture

Women's jealousy/ miind games.


There's a woman at my job that I'm head over heels with. But I want to see what kind of woman she is before I say something to her. I'm not into the mind games that she is playing. So if that's her thing, she's not the right one then. I just don't have time for it.

Schadenfreudian's picture

Cool, honestly...don't become


Cool, honestly...don't become involved with women who:

1. You work with;
2. Who live in your apartment building/condo;
3. Who you see in places you visit often, or can't avoid visiting.

Should you become involved and something go awry, your life can become hell, especially at the workplace. If you're willing to risk low-wage jobs for the rest of your life due just by being accused of sexual abuse/harassment or false rape charges, go for it. (Yet like most guys I know, you'll likely dismiss my suggestion and in favor of learning by personal experience.)

Anonymous's picture

Thank You Anon Jan. 25th 2013


I needed that, I keep thinking it's me; But being a nice guy shouldn't be seen as weak; It also doesn't mean I wouldn't want to protect a significant other any less. It's better to focus that energy where it can be reciprocated. That's a truly healthy relationship.

Anonymous's picture

yes


Well said ! Here here ! Let us now give a toast to this man! (I totally agree) unfortunately most women are either just like this or strongly encoureged to act like this.

The Man of the Century's picture

Virginity


I have a curious personal question I want to ask; who is the first girl you lost your virginity to?

Anonymous's picture

@ "Women's Jealousy/Mind Games"


Dude, your comments read like Shakespeare. It's almost like I wrote it myself.

I can check nearly every column you mentioned - being indifferent to their games, and walking away from a manipulator no matter how great the attraction may be. I've lost what I thought were "good" ones in the process, and now that some years have passed on more than a few, I see that I dodged some pretty nasty bullets.

Nowdays, I would let a girl who plays these kinds of games go without a second thought. My "test" is whether or not she continually tries to "test" me. It's pretty easy to pass - ask me instead of manipulating me and I'll tell you or stop at nothing to meet your requests, and my GF of 3+ years agrees that communication is ALWAYS the best strategy. Play games, and you will fail something epic. That is my "Battle hardened tactic."

Funny how most manipulators/players will rabidly claim to be independent, but can't figure out how to love themselves without the presence of a man/woman in their life. Also, I grew up with two women in my adolescence, and understand the need for companionship, but I also understand the difference between a truly strong woman and a needy person who derives his/her self worth from the ability to manipulate or use others.

For BOTH sexes - it is well documented that the COMMON SENSE, ABSOLUTELY FOOLPROOF METHOD to finding the best mates is to pick those who have already proven themselves in a LTR. If it was with someone you know to be less than stable, it's probably a safe bet -- no games required to gauge the firmity of character. However, if the person they left is known to be more stable, you are almost certainly walking right into a trap.

But if you have to play teenage level games in order to see what kind of person you are dealing with, you are not worthy. Period. Haste is the reason you have to play these games in the first place -- learn to take things slowly, and you don't won't have to worry about placing high levels of trust in a person you don't know right away. Trust me, communication, honesty, and respect will win even the toughest of souls over when coupled with determination and patience. And if a person is not interested in you, move on. Dating is complicated enough as it is, and strategies like that outlined in the above article will definitely make your life worse.

PS - There are a rapidly growing number of inexperienced men who are zeroing in on these stupid manipulation tests, and learning how to artificially defeat them, regardless of this article's accuracy. You are up against a man's primal thirst for sex, and he will deploy cunning strategies to get what he wants. If you want to know if it's real, the only tactic you need is to see if his pursuit is sustained and exclusive to you. Be warned (or find out the hard way if you must) that jealousy will make even a good hearted man turn sour without warning. And keep in mind that a man who is unflappable... is also likely to be uncompromising. There's a reason he is "in control," and you can bet your last dollar that he will always be the one in control.

Anonymous's picture

Right on!


I got divorced a few years ago from the first girl I had a real relationship with and since then I have been struggling in the dating scene (but learning) and recently I've been researching a lot and seeing many different opinions on how to act with women and how pass these little tests. After reading your comment on this interesting but maybe misguided article/blog I have to say the things you said really turned on a light for me. I've dated several women who I thought were good ones but they got away because I failed their "tests". Recently I've started to explore the idea that maybe the fact that I was failing their "tests" said more about their own flaws and insecurities than mine. Your comments really solidified what I have been thinking. I know I am a good man and I should focus more on proving this by being myself and focus less on trying to pass these tests. Direct, honest communication really is the key. Stupid games and little "tests" are for fake, dishonest, insecure people and I will no longer allow myself to be a part of these games. Thanks for helping me see this. The commentary about LTR success is so right on. A person my age (early 30's) who has never been in a successful long term relationship is scary to me. A person my age who has let go of several good men is scary to me. I will take a woman who fell victim to an assholes games and manipulations but eventually saw the light and ditched him over a girl with a track record of letting good men go because of her own emotional issues. More men in my situation need advice like what you gave. I would love to talk more to you about this. If you are interested my email is Kida4q@yahoo.com. Thanks for helping me realize that I don't need to be anything but myself to find a good woman. Take care.

Tyler's picture

Fantastic post


You don't fail to impress, Chase. This is the most insightful post I"ve read about shit tests. I really value the depth and detail of your posts.
Thanks a lot!

Anonymous's picture

When a girl asks you to do something test


Ok so I see that the jealous strategy is common, and there are some good test examples In the article above, but what about when a girl asks you to do something for her like a small favor or something. Should you do it or not do it for her or what should your reaction be like for the most success and best impression?

RespectTheFacts's picture

Im too sensitive, vulnerable and unstable, what can I do?


Hi Chase,

From reading your articles and my own experiences, I have arrived at one simple conclusion: to pass the tests/objections you must be emotional unaffected or fake so. Period.

If you're too nervous, anxious or just too sensitive, affected, the gimmicks and mindsets are useless; you either are an exceptional ACTOR and able to disguise your negative feelings of anger, sadness and so on, and bad vibe, or you're doomed. No technique works otherwise.

So, what can be do to become REALLY strong, confident and unneedy of affection and desire? Why women possible reactions affect me so much?

Just going out and pushing the limits don't work for me: I have been "invited" to leave clubs and bars because I was "disturbing" the girls there several times, and the truth is my only fault was being too emotionally unstable and overwhelmed.

When Im more or less, relaxed, my attractiveness for women is apparently rather high. Unfortunely, most of the time my state is quite different, and my efforts to overcome the problem have been futile so far. Mindfulness, Yoga.. all of them are useful to me... but just to some extent. I keep often feeling terrible at discos and even worse once I receive one exceptionally negative reaction (one girl yelling or runing away from me, for instance), or a few standard ones. Sometimes I even lose control over my emotions.

When a girls/woman rejects/test me, I feel upset, sad, scared... It's not rational... I can understand their motives. I didn't come across that well, or they're jarred because Im now 33 and they, 19. Whatever. Ok. The problem is, my emotions "think" otherwise. Sadness and/or anger rises from inside me. Or fear and despair.

Maybe it's just that I cannot accept the idea that I didn t start going out till now and fear it's too late; that I have lost my chance to be with 19 years old girls.

I don't know, but I get the idea that I need the cooperation of my body and my feelings: just being mentally stubborn do not seem enough.

Sane man's picture

C+ Must try harder....


I love shit tests, I think they are great, because it's like the girl is holding up a big red flag for you, and shouting in your ear 'I am looking for a man who will always put me first and allow me to behave like a total brat'.... Shit tests are what men who want to be true to themselves use to determine whether a girl is datable or not.
Learning how to pass them is well and good, but all you are doing is modifying your behaviour in order to please a girl who is not worth pleasing. Not all girls shit test, only the highly dysfunctional/disordered/self absorbed ones do, and frankly, how feeble a man would you have to be to want to impress a girl like that?

Amucat's picture

Agreed.. with a Caveat


This comment I agree with. In the middle of a pickup, it's all well and good, because yes, she doesn't know me, but if this keeps up after we're having sex, in my mind this disqualifies her as relationship material. At this point, instead of playing games with me, any girl that I choose to date should at least be able to properly COMMUNICATE, if she has any concerns or doubts.

Anonymous's picture

You couldn't have said it


You couldn't have said it better brother. At the end of the day, as the article says you'd be in control. You're still definitely not in control. It's just too sad because you're still bending to their tantrums.

rm's picture

Real man


i behave myself strong but my muscles are weak. i know i can be strong if i want too.thing is I dont want too because muscles are ugly. I do everything to look femenin and beautiful because its more awesome to be like that. I know men with muscles are stronger but who says you cant be attractive to woman if you dont have muscles?
if you look hot and you are also very talented you dont need to be tough

Anonymous's picture

Talking to higher ups


I've been wondering if there will ever be an article about speaking to higher ups and building contacts with them... I am currently working an internship at a country club and need some help

Bob's picture

Excellent, excellent article.


Excellent, excellent article.

Earth's picture

Don't test


The tests are absurd and serve only to weed out the good guys. Try giving someone who fails the test a go and you might find a nervous type blossoming into a great partner.

Schadenfreudian's picture

Bingo, Earth. Who in the


Bingo, Earth. Who in the HELL do people think they are to test others. Subconscious testing is okay, but intentionally doing so is manipulative and a sign of an insecure person.

Tee's picture

The problem with these things


The problem with these things is that they're not generally viewed in the same opinion with all women when you pass these tests. What if with that jealousy tactic she wants to see if you're a man enough to run to her and show her your disapproval of which she would highly regard and respect you as opposed to you brushing it off in which case she would view it as being weak and a pushover, a door mat, a walkover etc....

Akshay's picture

testing the test


Like Chase said here, women will test men. No matter how much we hate it or complain about it, we will get tested. However, what differentiates the good woman from a heartless monster is the way she tests a man.
A decent woman will never play the jealousy card or withhold sex as a form of testing, especially in a LTR/marriage. If she do these you seriously choose the wrong kind.
Another thing men lack is consistency. My wife of 7 years still doesn't get away with things she didn't get away on our first date. This makes her feel a lot more secure and she draws a lot of comfort from the fact that I am the same man she fell in love with. So, being congruent with who you are makes a huge difference. Yes, I do get tested ocassionally but its rare and lot less insidious. I actually could see how happy my wife feels when I do pass those silly little tests of her.

a woman's picture

Chase i LOVE LOVE LOVE all of


Chase i LOVE LOVE LOVE all of your writing and think you're brilliant. but i must say that the responses to these tests didn't really feel right. i mean i'm sure the delivery makes a HUGE difference.
but this is the first time i've read something you wrote where i haven't been blown away with the accuracy and feel of it. generally it's like super on point.
i mean i think it is very much about the delivery and the context in this situation.
because i've had creepy guys say some of those things to me and come off as pushy and insensitive.
these types of responses must be delivered very exceptionally.

B's picture

Awesome article! Question...


So stay cool. Stay nonplussed and unreactive in the face of even tough testing. And smile inwardly to yourself every time you face a test – whether you pass, or whether you don't – because you'll know that each time, you're getting trained a little more about what to expect, and a little more of the fog of war is being lifted as you become better and better prepared to face and handle tests going forward.

I have that mentality by default... Awesome. If you truly absorb the above paragraph and the article girls are cute and silly... Then prepare to see your outlook on women and approaching do a 180. I've always been a nonverbal guy, always had the "I'm the prize mentalloty" I find it hilarious when girls test me... They almost always start hitting my arm, being playful (when they are playful its easiest to handle all tests because when you're in the moment, you can feel what it is that's going on.)

Question though, one post says "maybe later, if you're good." Another post says to thrown on a bored look (like I mentioned above, I prefer nonverbals. Why one or the other, or are they used in different circumstances...?

Thanks!

B

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