Are There No Second Chances with Women?


second chancesA reader writes in, asking the following questions:

”Chase,

I’ve read several of your articles, and I can relate to quite a bit of what you say. However, it seems to me that in your scenarios, the guy is always the one who is at fault. It’s as though the girl is fully functional, prepared to choose who she is interested in and whether or not the guy fits in to one of her categories,  I guess robotic in a way. What I’m trying to get at mainly is the no second chance with women idea. Like if you don’t move fast enough she is gone for good. Is it really the case that the guy has to do everything right or else he is out? This perplexes me as we live in a society where equal opportunity for race, genders, and sexuality is at the forefront. In the corporate world and in the military, women are continually given more and more power/leadership/etc. They are no longer viewed as the traditional queen role from what I see. In this respect, why must the guy solely be the one to make things happen fast, take her as his lover before she flees to the next guy, and so on.

Perhaps I have read your writings incorrectly, but your advice (though as I said much of it rings true with me) seems to put the vast majority of the burden on the guy’s shoulders.

Also, let’s say that I screwed it up with a chick. I took her as my lover, but then later decided she was no longer interested. Walked away, realized I made a mistake. Apologized a couple weeks later, she says she has moved on to someone else. Your principles seem to be true here at first, but when she blames me for the fallout, then comes to the bar that night and makes out with me, only to run off and go kiss on some guy’s cheek, and give all sorts of mixed signals thereafter, things get hazy. No second chances, but I’ll make out with you? It just doesn’t click with me that anyone has all of this figured out. Life isn’t black and white, I don’t think.

I would appreciate your reply!”

So, there are a lot of interesting questions and themes in here worth addressing:

  • Are there no second chances with women?
  • Is it all on the man to make things happen?
  • What about equality?
  • Why do women send mixed signals?
  • Why do women flirt if they don’t want you?

I’m not really going to talk about the other bullets here – I addressed the “do/should guys REALLY have to do EVERYTHING?” question here a few weeks ago: “What Role Should Women Play in the Mating Game?” I’ll throw a quick bone to that one though because I have a couple more things to say on it you should find interesting. The third bullet is addressed in that post, and the fourth and fifth in these two: “Mixed Signals from a Girl: What These Mean” and “The Paradox of the Flirty Girl.”

Let’s talk about second chances though, because that’s one it seems like a lot of guys want to know about, and it’s worth discussing for sure.


In the West? Market Forces are Against You

First, a brief nod to sexual market value: just like smart phones and automobiles and recliners and raisins, your value to a member of the opposite sex is subject to market conditions, and you are essentially commoditized (despite the fact that every advertiser out there bombards you all day long with messages about how special and unique you are).

If you need a clear example of this, imagine moving to a big oil drilling boomtown where single men outnumber single women 50 to 1. You live there and work there for a couple of years, before finally deciding to go get your college degree.

Then you move to a university town where single women make up 70% of the population.

Would you expect to encounter any differences toward you in the behaviors of the women from town to town?

As we talked about in that sexual market value article (”Your Sexual Market Value: Who’s Afraid of Desperate Men?”), it’s quite clear that real world behaviors of both men and women DO change, and quite radically, in these different situations. When men outnumber women dramatically, women become extremely choosy, very non-flirty, and rather conservative (although also more likely to cheat). Courtship is frequently a far longer process. If a guy screws up, well, there’re another 49 guys in line waiting to take his place.

Conversely, when women outnumber men, women become much more flirty, forward, aggressive, sexually willing / compliant, and faithful. Sex happens fast, because a girl knows if she doesn’t put out, there’s a line of other women up behind her waiting to do so instead and she’ll lose her shot at this guy.

Further, if you change from somewhere like the United States, where single men outnumber single women by 15% or more in nearly every major city in the country between ages 18 and 39 (often closer to 20% to 40% in the really big towns – check out this map if you exact data), and where men hound women in droves while drunk at bars or stalking their social media profiles, and pick up and go somewhere like Japan, where single men remove themselves from the dating market en masse to go become shut-ins, and the single men who are still out there are often so painfully shy that the women do more of the approaching, the change becomes even more noticeable.

Fact is, if you’re living in the West, chances are you are somewhere where you and your similarly aged male cohort outnumbers the available females by a healthy chunk.

Your competition is also aggressive enough that women don’t have to take action much, really, to find a guy who’s at least okay.

And while YOU may be convinced that you are of course such an amazing find that women should just flock to you in lust and admiration, the fact is that to everyone else OUTSIDE of your head, you’re just another guy with whatever small things you’ve done to differentiate yourself (and most people really do not differentiate themselves much at all... wearing Polo instead of Express or Oakleys instead of Aviators only makes you as unique as the hundreds of thousands of other people wearing these things, and even if you have a great personality, unless and until you and I are intimately acquainted I probably won’t be able to tell).

It seems like a fair number of guys hit this site for the first time and experience cognitive dissonance: do I really have to do ALL this stuff to stand out and get women?

second chances

And the answer is no, of course not; you could do nothing at all and you will still probably happen into a relationship sooner or later, and probably with a very okay girl. However, if you want women competing for you, and chasing you, and if you want your pick of the litter, woman-wise, then you need to do a fair amount of it, yes.

Because following the herd and just doing what the masses do does not make you stand out enough in a buyer’s market when you are the one with something to sell.

Perhaps if you lived in Japan, but not in the West.

And this brings us to second chances: again, these depend on the market you’re in, and your individual value within that market.


So You Want Another Shot...

In case you haven’t read these articles, let’s bring your understanding of attraction dynamics up to speed:

Now.

Sometimes, you WILL get a second chance.

It happens. Especially with women you know through social circle, or women you didn’t screw up too bad with.

And it can even happen a LOT with women where the reason things didn’t happen were clearly outside of both of your control. When that’s the case, you can almost get girls hounding you more for a second chance (if they were into you) than anytime else.

And occasionally you will even get more than one extra chance with a girl you’d messed up or not closed the deal with multiple times already.

There are two problems with counting on this, though:

  1. Usually, you’re not going to get one
  2. If you DO get one, I almost guarantee you will screw up again

I’ve seen plenty of guys turn around their second chances. I’ve done it myself, too. But usually, if you couldn’t seal the deal on Chance #1, you won’t be able to seal it on Chances #s 2, 3, 4, 5, or 6, either.

What are the chances you make it happen on your second chance? From my experience, it’s somewhere between 5% and 8%. That’s if we’re including all second chances at taking her number, fixing up a date, getting her back to your place, sleeping with her the first time, sleeping with her a second time, etc. Even if the girl is giving you a HUGE open window to get with her – it’s still this low.

Fact is, missing your first chance with her is seldom a random screw up outside your control.

The great majority of the time, it speaks to a structural, underlying flaw with your game.

Sometimes it’s possible to hunker down and figure out exactly what you did wrong the first time around and do it better the second. Back when I used to do phone coaching, I used to get cases where a guy needed a quick fix because he botched things with a girl before and now he was gearing up to take another shot with her and needed to know what to do differently. Cody still gets a lot of calls like this for our phone coaching program today. And sometimes it works out.

Yet, even with an exact play-by-play of what to do, much of the time a guy’s still going to come up short anyway because he isn’t ready yet to make things happen with a given girl.

Thus, my general sentiment on second chances is this: if you’re worried about these, you’re thinking about the WRONG thing.

Ever call a company you’re interested in working for and ask them if they give second chances if you don’t interview well the first time?

Or, when you were trying to decide what university to attend, spend much time considering whether they’d give you another shot for that school year if they rejected your first application?

(In fact, you WILL encounter cases here and there of people talking their way into second chances at these places, and with women, too – it’s certainly doable. But usually you need to know exactly where you screwed up and exactly what you need and want to change, and usually if this is the case you won’t be worried about whether you WILL get a second chance – you’ll just go and get it because you feel like you should get it and you deserve it and the first time you messed up was an aberration)

Any situation where you are the seller (and life as a male is all about selling yourself – to prospective women you’d like to go to bed with or date, to schools you’d like to attend, to companies you’d like to work for, to people you’d like to have give you stuff, etc.), this is the case.

Of course, IF you are using the material on this site, you can sometimes position yourself as the buyer and the girl as the seller in an interaction – that’s the objective, really (or at least the one I set out to do and teach).

Usually when you’re just starting out though, you will be in the seller position, which means second chances will be uncommon, and if you mess it up the first time, a second chance usually isn’t going to do you a whole heck of a lot of good anyway.


Better Option: Be the Buyer

What if, instead of hoping for second chances from women, THEY could only hope for second chances from YOU?

This is one of the things that happens when you’re following to the letter what I’m teaching on GC. You can look at the top guys on the discussion boards and how frequently they have women chasing them, begging them for another chance, acting awkward because they realized they’d screwed up and now maybe they’re going to lose their shot with him, etc.

Women are not used to being in this position, and it’s a lot of fun for you when they are (it’s also very exciting / memorable for them, too).

Here’s an example. Let’s say you’ve already made yourself a pretty attractive guy in your home country, and you’re already pretty good with girls. Then you travel abroad to some other country. Now you get the novelty factor kicking in to make you much rarer, more unique, more memorable, and even more attractive.

What are the odds that you get a second chance if you mess up here? Immense. That’s because it’s usually going to be the girl kicking and blaming herself if she loses you, rather than you doing it.

Same thing can happen for you at home too, if you make yourself sufficiently desirable to women. Once you DE-commoditize yourself – that is, instead of thinking to yourself, “I am unique and special!” you actually make yourself (relatively) unique and special to women, in a way they find very attractive and alluring, you will find women trying to get second chances with you fairly often.

second chances

That’s because, even in a buyer’s market, the fact is that YOU are not one of those regular single men flooding the market. YOU are a lover, and lovers, while still commoditized, are far rarer commodities than average men.

In this case, the market flips: once she is sufficiently convinced that you are a rare, sexy lover of a man, you will very frequently become the buyer, and she the seller.

She will begin competing to demonstrate why you should give her the experiences she knows that you give to women.

And if it doesn’t happen, she’ll kick herself for messing it up and missing out on it. I have seen a LOT of frustrated women who messed up on sleeping with a lover... they get as angry as an average guy does when he misses out on sleeping with a girl HE likes.

If you’ve never had a girl:

  • Offer on her own to buy you food to make up for flaking or messing up
  • Bombard you with calls or texts to see you again after you flaked on her
  • Insist on seeing you even though you’ve told her you should part ways
  • Offer threesomes or other sexual rewards if you’ll get back with her again
  • Whine and pout and complain because you won’t give her another date

... then you might not realize this happens.

But yeah, it does: women chase.

And when they chase, they chase as hard as the most obsessed men out there.

That’s because they aren’t used to chasing, and they don’t know how to be smooth about it like most guys become accustomed to at least trying to do (well, except the guys who comment on girls’ Facebook photos).

To engage this chasing though, you must first turn yourself into a man who doesn’t just FEEL different from all the men around him to HIMSELF... but actually SEEMS different – and like a rare and desired commodity – to the women that he meets.

And if you want to do that, that’s what this entire site is all about.


Give Me One More Chance

In the song “One More Chance” – the same song by the Notorious B.I.G. the line “I don’t chase ‘em, I replace ‘em” comes from – the hook entails a chorus of women singing

Oh, Biggie
Give me one more chance!

When I first listened to this as a teenager, it seemed incredible and far off that women could be THAT into you that they would be begging you for another chance.

And while they rarely lose their senses so thoroughly that they will actually say “Give me one more chance”, they will communicate as much with their actions – conciliatory, concessionary, and apologetic... and willing to do whatever you want them to do, just about, to see you again.

And this is true for women you sleep with and do a great job with, but it’s also true for women you get out on dates, make a strong impression on, and then they resist you or break off the date before you can close things off, too... IF you have made yourself into an exceptionally desirable, sexy man.

So, yes – sometimes women will give you another chance.

Usually, of course, if you messed up the first time, and she’s the one granting you another chance, odds are the next encounter will only fare about as well as the first, since that’s where you’re at with girls right now and you’re not going to improve overnight.

But I would recommend that, rather than trying to get women to give you another chance, you focus on developing yourself to the point where women are working to get second chances from you...

... which also leads to women out with you on dates becoming very aware that if they mess up with you, they most likely will not see you again.

Which understandably makes those dates somewhat easier.

A woman can smell the difference between a regular guy who will chase her down and still be available to her if she postpones deciding on him, vs. a rarer, scarcer man with options out the wazoo who will probably be off the table or much less accessible if she blows it with him now.

Wouldn’t it be a lot more fun if, rather than worry about whether women will permit you a second chance, you instead focused on elevating yourself to possess such attractiveness and such a rarefied air that women hoped for second chances from you... or did their very bests to avoid ending up in a situation where they’re at the mercy of receiving or not receiving a second chance?

It’s doable. I’ve done it, the other writers here have done it, a number of guys on the discussion boards have done it or are doing it right now.

Will you wait for her to give you another shot, or focus on becoming a man she wants one from herself, instead?

The choice is yours... as for me, I’ve never very much liked waiting.

Chase

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Comments

90210's picture

The Unshakeable Attitude


Hey Chase,
I would appreciate if you could explain
how to master emotions ( that is : anger, excitement, sadness,... ) in
a really accurate way right when we are actually experiencing those
emotions.
What I mean is having what we call an " unshakeable attitude".
How do we adopt and truly get this attitude?
Thanks man.

90210.

David Riley's picture

Article Link

Troy's picture

Request


David Riley -

I was writing up a field report today and i just realized something rather bizzare. I've been reading girlschase since October 2012 and i have been practising very little until about three weeks ago i decided that reading and commenting wasn't going to give me a social life. Only experience will. Now for most days i write in my field report notebook and breaking down what im doing right and what im doing wrong. The biggest issue is that im stuck in my head, not being social enough, and building social momentum. I actually surprised and scared myself at the same time last week when a lot of girls approached me after me using pre-selection so i talked to them and before long more girls got curious about me until i caught on fire (momentum). I had fun and the girls enjoyed my presence.

Since that day i've realized that i have a inner beast just waiting to be let out... but i went out today and no one approached me and i was too nervous. My default programming is being shy and nervous therefore kind of antisocial because of anxiety.

Many days i go out and i want to change and talk to people but the first girl is like a 20 foot wall that needs ropes to go over.

The point im making is that myself and other guys would be making faster progress if we knew how to break bad habits.

Do you have any tips on how to break bad habits? Thanks!

Also a request to drop in the article queue. I have seen young guys going to meet girls who are trying to get laid before they even can decently talk to a girl. Could you drop in the article queue " The Importance of Newbies Learning to Walk Before They Run". Thanks

Troy

David Riley's picture

Noted and Here's a Link


Hey Troy,

Here's an article on habits:

http://www.girlschase.com/content/how-create-habit-you%E2%80%99ll-stick

I'll let Chase and the other writers know about the request about fundamentals.

Take care,

Just Dave

Troy's picture

Conversation Topics


Also...with the comment above, as a high school newbie i am going out to cold approach girls, in my field reports i continuously write that i dont know what to say why i keep quiet and avoid approaching. I dont have a lot of things that i find interest in and even if its interesting, i just do the activity and i dont find it something worth obsessing over. My examples are:

1) I love to watch football and track & field but i dont find it interesting to learn any of the players name or how the game is played (the rules)

2) I love to cook food but i dont find it interesting to know the nutrients each food contains.

3) I love reading pychology advice but dont find it interesting to actually try in real life and see why people behave how they do.

4) I enjoy listening to music but i dont care to learn anything more than the singers/artists name. Heck i dont even remember the name of the song if you ask me what's the name of that song, the artists awards, date of birth. NOTHING

5) Movies are things i find very interesting to watch and even if i enjoyed it, dont ask me to recall the movie, the funny and cool parts because i dont care to remember what anyone in the movie said or did so i can tell stories.

......You get the idea. I like and hate things at the same time and i dont put effort in trying to remember details. This makes conversation hard because i am one dimensional. I might take up new hobbies but i like them but dont find them to be thinking worth obsessing over. I dont have a deep passion for anything. Its kind of weird when i think about it because most people talk none stop about news, celebrity gossip, sports and hobbies e.t.c.

I have become a lot more one dimentional since i found Girls Chase and became interested in building a social life for myself. So i find myself eating, sleeping and everything about girls and building a social life. I dont have these things and it really bothers me so i find myself frustrated and depressed to get them while excluding everything else. Things i used to to love are not really interesting. Maybe its because im going through extreme depression from time to time, or because i value social connections more than knowing more about my favourite celebrity or food. I think its unhealthy to think about being a well socially connected person. I dont think about anything else a lot nor do i find it interesting to take on new hobbies to make me more rounded. There is just so much to learn and all i can think is why take up dancing, art class, singing, football e.t.c if i already struggle with a social life. Isnt that just taking me off track and slowing my progress.

I know its great to learn new things so i can connect with lots of people and relate easily but i find no interest in this. And because of this i find it extremely difficult to make conversation, relate and connect with people.

A conversation i had with a girl recently went like this:

Girl: Do you know what Miley Cyrus has been doing to herself?

Me: No idea. What?

Girl: She has changed from her disney persona as Hannah Montana and is now expressing herself and her sexuality open.

Me: *blank stares* ugh ( i have no idea what she's talking about )

Now you get the idea what im talking about. Maybe i could deep dive the girl but come on im not relating to the girl and even worse, i dont want to turn this conversation into a interview.

Being able to just say "hi, wats up?", "the weather is nice", "i like football", is not anything much to keep people interested and makes me boring ( which i am because of this and i want to change ). This makes someone the boring, predictable nice guy.

i want to be able to remember things from movies to tell stories and give jokes, to be interested in learning about people and why they do what they do, and to learn interesting things apart and become multi dimensional and relatable to damn near everyone but still not have me learning other things slow down my progress in learning how to get girls and build a social life.

Any advice on all this is greatly appreciated.

REVIEW

1) How do i remember details like jokes, movie pieces, and what people tell me in conversation?

2) How do i find people interesting and become curious as to why they do what they do?

3) How do i find interest in learning different activities?

I dont find most things or people naturally to learn and grow. Chase once said the same thing on here somewhere. Remember im in high school and most girls that age dont want to deep dive too much. They want light, flirty, fun deep diving and interesting guys. have you ever had a similar situation occur?
Some advice? Thanks

- Troy

Michal's picture

Hi, I can totally relate to


Hi, I can totally relate to you. Although I remember some moments from movies, maybe because I watch a lot of them but still, there are many moments. But still, its just something you cover with one sentence and then what? I have some friends and I get depressed over my lack of social life too. But I get depressed only when I think about it. I realized when I have shit to do like study for my final exam for diploma right now, I think about some shit but it is because I am so used to it that it makes to easy so I lose focus. Neural pathways and that kind of shit. But then, I look at my work out routine, that I should eat something, check my progress, I am kinda obsessed about this. So, key is to find something you get obsessed about. And the way you become obsessed with something is - it must be important to you in a certain way and you need to know why. I am skinny tall noodle, I weak like a fly and I am self-conscious about that if I see myself. On a photo like "oh god, I am THAT slim." In conversation I dont pay attention to it but I just want to be strong. Because when I was at school, guys who were bigger got the attention, also my ice hockey career was about "who is bigger, stronger, more agile, faster.. then he is better". So I am weak, therefore bad and I want to be better, so I gotta eat, sleep and work out. Working out is lots of science so there is a lot of things that you need to know in order to get what you want. So even if learning anathomy, biology, shit about nutrition, structural integrity of your body, how food affects your brain, moods etc, what happens in body when you work out, after you work out etc. You will learn this shit because you know its necessary part of your goal, look a certain way. I may try to sell this working out idea to you, I will write it at the end of this comment below some lines ---- It is said that it is better to be interested than interesting. I guess because you can relate. You learn a lot of things and you can talk about it with anybody who is interested in it too. Or you can try other route, find what interests you and you will find people there that are interested in it too. And maybe they will be similar. I mean people who play video games all day are usually similar.

Also, that problem you have, that remembering details might damage you in relating too, because when I get on some topic and I cant relate, I think back about my friends and I usually remember something "like, oh I dont know that many girls who do karate, but one of my friends does Krav Maga, what is karate about, how it differs?" and she may say she does not know krav maga, or that KM is too brutal for her etc. Also, if she says somthing like "Miley Cyrus" you may try to first ask who this person is and then go on like "oh so you like her music or in what way is she important to you?" or you may twist it completely and transition to other topics like, "yea, people seem to get caught in these things celebrities do, I dont really pay attention to famous people". And she may be curious, ask what do you mean or something, and you can go like "well, for me, my life is more important, yes they made it in their area but I dont know them, I have some aspirations in my life and knowing that someone else dressed provocatively does not help me to go after it" - or something like that but shorter like "yea well, I am more interested in how they got where they are, not what they wear or did yesterday" and you might need to add reasoning why you say that because it seems like block to her statement and excitement about this little thing she did. So you say something like "I find life stories of other people fascinating, I dont know why". Maybe you introduce some topics like what she wanted to be when she was young or something she cant relate to and it will get vague again. But thing is, if you understand some topic, you can ask the person and lead them through your knowledge.

I also learned that masturbating makes me less focused. So try not to jack off for couple of weeks and you will feel pretty energetic. It takes a lot of willpower tho if you are used to do it like every 2 days.

Anyways, if I did not know anything about the topic, I would have down graded it to the core like - Miley Cyrus = celebrity and I would just say something like "yea, celebrities, they can lots of weird shit today and people go crazy over it". Or I know she is a singer but you get the idea. You can do this only certain amount of times in a conversation and I seem to have hard time to find a good topic for both of us too, because as you said, I am one dimensional too. I played icehockey my entire life, I played video games for like 8 or so (am 23 now), introverted as fuck and I have really hard time putting myself out there.

Anyways, as I realized, social life depends on who you are. That means moods, how satisfied you are, but at the end it is all about you. If your life is great, people will feel it from you. And your social life will improve. If you are depressed, people tend to stray from you. People can help you study, but at the end it is you who takes the test. Same with job interview, you can get tips from someone but its you who has to pass it. I am quite of a loser so I realized this is the way for me. If you find a job where you have to talk with people, you find some hobby like sport or martial arts, it keeps your body engaged. Just look at maslows hierarchy of needs. Yes, if at the end your social needs are not met, it is as Chase mentioned, best way is to start giving, be valuable to others. So it is good to know and think about why people would like to have you around. What is it that you can offer them. I for one know a lot now about nutrition, working out that I have stedy progress and I can give others some information and motivate them. And people seem to be blown away. Which brings me to something else. Chase's and others' articles scream "be lover". Which means all this, go for it, move fast, be sexy, dont waste time, screen, qualify, lead. It can seem like this is the only way but as they keep saying, for most people this stuff is voodoo or too weird. There are guys who just do social game and you can find girls this way too. Like finding a job as a bartender. Etc. So realize what you want. Go back to basics, because I was or maybe still am in similar situation. I am not sure if I want a girlfriend, or just sex or someone that cares about me and I care about them so maybe a good friend would suffice. But if you dont know, you have to pick something and go after it. Which means, pick one concept like, for next 3 months, I will try to get friends. Or find a girl for a casual sexual relationship. But you will have a goal. And if you go after it, then you will have less time to think and get depressed. Also, as I mentioned maslow hierarchy and my working out, I tend not to get depressed over things I am working on. Meaning my goals I am going towards. Yes, if I see no gains in gym for past 4 weeks, or 2 months, I may feel down, BUT what I wanted to adress is - you may have this ideal in your head of yourself AND how things should play out. I still have illusions and visions of how I should seduce girls, how I should meet them. But if you want a girl just for sex, some ok looking you can go online. That one is just weird for me, I cant seem to try it, its a big question mark for me, I dont really know what I would do, if we met, if she was 30 pounds over weight that she stated etc. What I mean is you should try to lose these ideal ways of getting something because it is probably really bad illusion based on your inexperience. If you wanted to get rich, how would you do it? I am sure there would be 100 times more things you did not even think about. Its just an example. Second thing about these ideals about your life, you will get less depressed. I tend to review things I do, compare to these ideas of how I rock in club or with friends, how I have a girl in each arm etc. I might get there but it will take me like 3 years. But because I think I should be this way NOW and I am not, I get depressed for a day or two. So I look back to my journal and see that I am working towards it, I maybe tweek it a bitand refine my plan.

I wrote lots of shit, I dont even know if will be any helpful to you but I gotta go to sleep now. So no "working out selling", maybe tomorrow :-)

Michal

David Riley's picture

1 to 3 dimensional


Hey Troy,

I use to go through a lot of the same things you went through ironically though I had a sole obsession with music when I was a teenager. I wanted to become a famous musician. I would lock myself in my room for hours and play my guitar on end, I had a job at grocery store but I couldn't relate to anything in detail accept for music. I didn't notice how bad it was until I went to dinner with my best friend, and I found myself just blabbing about music. I realized that I had to take a step back and find other interests. Better yet, I started talking to people about what interested them. I was intrigued by how someone could be so passionate about track or wrestling as I was with music. It was mind blowing. From there I was ask them questions like:

"How long have you been doing that?" or "Why did you start doing that?"
"Does anyone else in your family do that" or even better "I don't know a lot about that, but could you fill me in because it sounds really interesting."

Here's the thing Troy people will talk your ear off all day about things they're really interested in. That's what you want. When a girl says something like, "Aw that baby is so cute." You can say something like. "Do you see yourself having kids?" Depending on her answer you can ask her why or why not. She may even ask you your thoughts on having children. Then all of a sudden you're having a conversation where you're actually finding out how this person thinks. People love talking about themselves. You said you have an interest for a social life and that's great. You sound like you're really passionate about people and you love women. That's also awesome! Just talk to them about the things that interest them women. Better yet, ask women why those things interest them in the first place. If you want to have a deeper conversation with someone you must be willing to go deep with them.

Take care,

Just Dave

Anonymous's picture

Your book


Chase I have been reading your stuff for a little while now. Your material is literally the best on the internet. I'm doing way better with women than I have been previously thanks to you and Reddit - and I've decided I want to buy you're book (you're a good salesman by the way your reasoning was top notch on the "buy the book" article haha). However I don't know how to buy your book seeing that I live in the United Kingdom. How could I get my hands on a copy?

P.S. I like taking the stance that I should be the one giving out second chances, kudos for saying this in your article - allows one to hold the leverage in new relationships

David Riley's picture

Link


Hey Anon,

There's a link you click on at the bottom of the page to purchase the book, if you have paypal the purchase should go through effectively. Let me know if you have any problems.

http://www.girlschase.com/how-to-make-girls-chase

Take care,

Just Dave

DonCheadle's picture

What do you do if she denies a date on the basis that she has no


Dear Chase,

Complete newbie here, and while I have purchased the guide I haven't really come around to going through it properly yet.

Anyways, I recently asked a girl out on a date using a simply, forward introduction into invitation and she basically replied "I think w should definitely go out sometime, but this weekend is kinda bad". Now, I replied "Cool, if I find myself with free time from the 19.th onwards I'll bring it back up again"

So, would you advise me to be on time and ask her out again on the 19.th (if i do in fact have the time), a few days later or not at all?

Many thanks,

Cheadle Don.

David Riley's picture

Play it by Ear


Hey Don,

I would recommend asking her out again if you happen to see her again, but no more after that. If you ask her out again if she declines a second time, you'll be seen as chasing her. In the mean time I would ask out other girls to increase your options. This way you'll look more attractive to her and other girls.

Take care,

Just Dave

Sam2's picture

"Missed chances/escalation windows"


Chase,

While I don't disagree with the "better prevent than cure" concept, I can't fully reasonate with the idea of "missed opportunitites" given my current skill level. You presented it in a way as if women are hitting impatiently their fingers on the table, as they wait for the man to move things towards sex.

However, this is my own personal experience so far: out of the 8 women I took home on my first date in 2013, only 3 of them knew where we were going and they followed consciously. The other 5 gave me no escalation windows or opportunity to move things forward. I got them home by simply leading just because I decided so, not because they were jumping up and down out of impatience. I felt that I had to "trick" them by telling them "Let's go somewhere and enjoy a beautiful view". The next thing they knew was me driving 30kms away from our date spot. Whenever I tried to "invite them home", as you put it in all your articles, by saying things such as "How about a glass of wine somewhere more private?" I get refusal and avoidance. The same thing happens in all other aspects of my seduction process (getting numbers, proposing a date etc).

If women are all about giving windows and if men are all about missing them, why in my case it feels I am doing all the work?

David Riley's picture

Strong Leading


Hey Sam,

I actually use the same tactics you used, I normally refer to girls "Hey let's go chill somewhere quiet" or my personal fave "Let's watch some Netflix." IF the girls mentions anything about sex as if I'm only trying to sleep with her, I tell her I'm not that easy. I make the girls seem as the aggressive chaser. Guys develop their own style when it comes to pick up after awhile. Sometimes I find those rare birds who are impatient and just want sex, but normally I meet passive and shy girls. I believe Chase is referring to meeting girls who are out on a mission to get laid. As a result they will have little patience for men who aren't leading things to sex. Girls don't want to seem easy and need plausible deniability. This one of the reasons why things are going so well for you. After all you just want to show them a beautiful view. ;)

Take care,

Just Dave

Beginner's picture

No Cell?


Hello, is there a way to set up dates and schedules without the use of cell phones; especially texting? Like, not involving the cell phone at all? Is that possible?

David Riley's picture

Creative Outputs


Hey Beginner,

You can set dates up in person and ask for her Facebook. This way you'll be able to converse with her. You can even set dates up with girls via email. However, your best bet to lessen the chance of flaking would be the instant dates. Meaning meet a girl in person and get her to hang out it with you right there and then. If you have the ability to get her number, call her on your house phone. Figure out what is the best time to get in contact with her. If you have an Itouch or a tablet there are free messenger apps that you can text people on their cell phone. I would even recommend online dating sites, setting up dates would be pretty simplistic there.

Just some thoughts,

Just Dave

Anonymous's picture

Indian Girls


Hey Chase! I am your biggest fan from India. Your articles are just out of the box and make perfect sense. Brother will you please write about seducing Indian Girls. Are the techniques should be applied differently? I am asking because Indian women are the most complicated women to understand and never show their sexual desires as western women. Please help me.

David Riley's picture

Noted


Hey Anon,

I will let Chase and the other writes know about your article request.

Take care,

Just Dave

Anonymous's picture

Much obliged


Much obliged

Anonymous's picture

wit


Hey Chase,

Big fan of your material. May you go into specifics of developing wit? I cant get off the goofy type of humor.

David Riley's picture

Noted and Article


Hey Anon,

I'll let Chase and the other writer's know of your request.

Here's an article to read in the meantime:
http://www.girlschase.com/content/tactics-tuesdays-mastering-playful-ban...

Take care,

Just Dave

sub's picture

addition


i am also quite similar situation but when i asked her out she said yes and gave her no...but later flaked. After 2 months we are gonna meet again in our public speaking skill development class.Should i ask her again?For your consideration , Currently i am beginner, working on fundamentals like mental presence,playfullness etc, with a pretty good fashion sense and to pull"edge" thing is quite easy for me( i dunno why)

David Riley's picture

Building up Skill


Hey Sub,

I would recommend talking to other girls and building up your skill level first, and when you feel confident and capable out her out again. You want to get in the groove of asking girls out and having them say yes. Also, you want to always be increasing your options when it comes to asking out girls. When one girl says "no", you want to show her you're not waiting around her to "yes". You want to show her you already found another girl that will say yes.

Take care,

Just Dave

The M's picture

Mom and relationships


Hi Chase and Dave,

I've heard that your relationship with your mom is an indicator of what your relationships with women will be like. An article on this might be interesting, e.g. if you can't treat your mom well, you probably can't treat another girl well, either? But since your mom is naturally in a more dominant position than you are, is it actually really BAD to run your relationships in a similar way? Do you really tend to choose partners like your mom, and can you comfortably move away from that?

Best,
The M

David Riley's picture

Mommy Issues


Hey M,

I actually thought about this a lot when I was young, I've actually never dated anyone like my mom. However, I will say I've stayed away from girls who normally play guys because I had a healthy relationship with my mom. My mom always told me to stay away from heart breakers and girls who chase bad boys. My mom was also extremely hard on my brothers and I, so that we would be confident and strong men. She told how it was important to walk straight and act like men. She encourage us to act like our father, me and siblings had the same parents. My mother told me she wasn't an easy catch and my dad was persistent but not desperate. She made it important for me and brothers to know the importance to being a challenge to women. She also made it important for us to be determined and not make our lives about women. My mom told me to learn how to be a "rock", the way my father is for her.

Take care,

Just Dave

Anonymous's picture

Explicit second chance


I'm used to give second chance to girls or female friends explicitly. Once they announce that they don't need me that much explicitly and I feel she is invested... I do something I could feel do better (implicitly), but on rare occasions I put it like that:
'Ok, so I leave now and you can contact me whenever you want, but if you really don't need me, than ok - I go and world won't collapse because we won't interact anymore'
and it's like a bet against odds, sometimes it works, my desicion to claim it like that is usually emotional... but we both feel no better, because she thinks that she is lower than me, but well, should guy keep his girl a little bit lower? I recon that desicion to explicitly say that she's the chaser is bad, cause once you have to say it - you are hesitating and need a proof.

David Riley's picture

Doors Always Open


Hey Anon,

One of the thing to keep in mind when dealing with various women is that when they leave don't take it personal. Women leave for very fickle reasons at time that don't make a lot of sense to men. One thing I do is just keep the door in my life open just a little bit. This way if a woman wants to come back into my life she can. If she wants to leave she can, I'm not going to force a woman to stay in my life. Women value men who they have to work. When you don't chase a woman she starts to question who she really was in your life. Now I'm not saying do this in a mean way, all I'm saying is "Hey it's cool if you wanna leave, I'm not gonna force you to stay." Basically you're communicating that you want her but don't need her. When she comes back just be warm and ask her life is been. Depending on the exit don't bring or harbor any ill feelings about her. I will say don't also be her emotional tissue. If it seems like your female friend is just gonna complain to you, just cut her off. Say, "I'm not in the mood to hear about all this negativity."

Take care,

Just Dave

Vaibhav's picture

Sexy Voice


Hello Chase,

I have lately having a problem of having a sexy voice.I am still struggling in this criteria of having a voice that drives women wild. For reference i have already read your article on http://www.girlschase.com/content/book-excerpts-get-sexy-voice but I haven't got desired results.

My voice is some what "Hoarse Voice" which is unpleasant to hear and creates a bad first impression and makes me more nervous and stressful around women.

Chase, if you have any MORE tips or any vocal exercise of making a voice sound sexy or any other method of making voice sound sexy, then please do guide me.

Chase, Your articles have really helped me. But it is my humble request to please guide me more over sexy voice.

Thanks,
Vaibhav

David Riley's picture

Vocal Warmups


Hey Vaibhav,

I was in choir back in high school on one of the things my choir director would do is he would use vocal warm ups. We would hum and go up and down on keys. I still use humming and drink plenty of water to warm my voice up. Especially, on cold days when I'm out approaching women. You don't want to over warm up your voice though. Just hum for about 30 seconds 3 times. You'll notice a difference, and another tip is to breathe from your diaphragm. I would highly recommend searching youtube for "breathing from your diaphragm" and "vocal warm ups". The biggest challenge is relaxing your vocals and speaking loud enough and clear enough so people can understand you. These are just some things to get you started.

Take care,

Just Dave

Vaibhav's picture

Thanks


Okay David Riley, I will try your recommended suggestions and will let you know my feedback

Till mean time Thanks for your precious reply
and Good Bye.

David Riley's picture

No Worries


No problem Vaibhav,

I hope things go well for you.

Just Dave

Aron's picture

I need help with a girl


Hey Chase, great article.
I'd love to get some advice from you about a certain girl (I know you advise moving on once a girl becomes That Girl but I'm pretty sure that in my circumstances it's justified).
I currently live in the Middle East (moved almost two years ago at age 14), and I met this, girl who lives on my street, soon after I arrived, but didn't get to know her until my family was invited for a meal with hers. I am pretty sure that we had one of those 'love at first sight' moments you wrote an article on, and we had a very enjoyable afternoon. Now, here are where the complications come in.

1. At that point in my life i didn't believe i had a chance with girls like her (beautiful and exactly my type- in every way).

2. We are both religious, and in my religion having pre-marital sex is forbidden, and even touching isn't permitted by a lot of people (we are both from families like this but she might be flexible- and for her i will be).

3. Her father is a religious studies teacher at my school.

4. At that point I couldn't speak her language all that well and the same for her as far english- and I'm still not nearly as smooth or confident in that language.

So after that afternoon, I got involved in a youth movement she was in, and made a bunch of close friends. I took it real slow, obsessed about her, and developed a completely platonic relationship (not all that close either) with her. After about a year the we got too old for the movement and, feeling like my connection with her was being cut off, I privately told her that I like her, and she told me politely that we'll probably see each other around. After this I found Girlschase and started talking to other girls to improve and started working on my fundamentals. Talking to other girls hasn't helped all that much (although I don't think I'm obsessed any more) and I still really like her.

Since then we haven't really spent much time together, but we do interact occasionally and it usually feels a bit awkward. My father and her's are close (and I think they would both like to see a marriage between us- as would I). Getting her as anything currently isn't realistic because of our parents and religion, but I would very much like to become the guy she dreams about and chases after and tries to flirt with.
I've read pretty much all your articles on getting girls back and creating attraction, but I'm very limited in what I can do. Preselection will simply screen me out for her, consumption will seem tryhard (I think), and I don't have a lot of room for gaining experience.

I don't really know how to proceed and would love some help. Thank you in advance if you take the time to answer.

Best wishes,Aron

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