Sexual Tension: 7 Ways to Make Women Excited and Randy


sexual tensionSometime back ago, when I was still new to learning about seduction, I shared with a friend the tale of a girl I'd gone out with and the sexual dialogue I'd tried using to get her mind going the right way... and how disappointed I was it hadn't seemed to have had the desired effect.

“My man,” I remember him saying to me at the time, “I notice you keep trying to use words to get women excited and turned on. But words aren't very good at this. You need to use sexual tension.”

And I heard this, and I thought it sounded like a great idea... except I had no idea how to create sexual tension, how to use it, or where to even start with it. And my friend, for all his wisdom, was at a loss to explain it.

So, I did what any real student of anything does who is unable to find the answer by simpler means, and I embarked on a quest to discover the mechanisms of this phenomenon and to find the key to unlock its power for myself.

Recently, years later, I found myself in the opposite position, recommending to readers that they use sexual tension, this time in the “How to Kiss a Girl” article from last week, and having the very first commenter on the post, a guy named Josh, remark:

I would like to see a post on sexual tension. How and when to create it and sustain it. I see you mention touching and proximity to create this and maybe some eye contact that last just a little to long. Those along with some playful banter maybe as well? It's amazing how much of flirting and seduction are non-verbal.

Well Josh, the fortunate thing is, unlike my friend from that conversation past, this is one I had to put together over time and figure out the puzzle pieces for, and I can both tell you how to create it, and tell you how to use it.

Now let me show you how you can build and direct sexual tension to drive the women you meet lusty, horny, and randy, in minutes or less.



sexual tension

The mistake I made early on trying to create sexual tension was the same one just about every guy makes: I tried to talk my way to tension.

I initially tried talking to women about all kinds of things:

  • Fake boobs
  • Sex positions
  • Orgasms
  • What it takes to be good in bed
  • Sexual escapades of my own
  • Sexual escapades of hers

And these led to some truly very fascinating discussions. I learned a lot about female sexuality that I perhaps otherwise wouldn't have learned if not for launching into these intellectual forays about the vagaries of sex.

But one thing I didn't do was turn women on. Talking about sex did not make me sexy, I discovered.

In fact, dry sex talk, I soon found, did NOT have the effect on women I was hoping it would at ALL...

.. and if anything, I started realizing it was a full-on turn OFF for women!

I struggled to understand this at first. Why would talking about sex turn women off and drive them away? Shouldn't the act of talking about something make them think about it, and if I'm talking about how open *I* am about sex and how good in bed I am, shouldn't that make them curious about sleeping with me and make the want to try me out?

It took me a little while, but the reasons why sex talk doesn't lead to sexual tension in and of itself began dawning on me, one at a time:

  1. It kills intrigue. When everyone's cards are laid out on the table, suddenly the poker game is a lot less exciting. Women want anticipation in their seductions... and a seduction where all your cards are showing just makes them want to go find another table to play at.

  2. It's unromantic. Ever see a movie where a man's talking to a woman about sex outright? Occasionally you'll see it done well, and it seems romantic and scintillating, but usually it's just crude. It's very hard to do blatant sex talk correctly, and when you're focused on the talk, rather than the tension, you're almost assured of not getting it right.

  3. It's skepticism-inducing. Women have adapted in our society to be very skeptical of what men say, because men have adapted in our society to say next to anything in order to get in women's pants. A guy telling a girl he's a good lover is likely to give her the opposite impression... "If you have to say it, it isn't true," I always say, and women seem to have a natural understanding of this principle themselves.

Honest sex talk has the other disadvantage that it can make you come across as the creepy guy if you really don't have the timing to discuss it at the right moments naturally or the vibe to remain calm and non-needy while talking about it, but even if you do these things alone aren't enough to build sexual tension.

Because sexual tension is not built on talk. It's built on something else.


Sexual Tension in Women: You Might Be Surprised

One of the biggest protests of some individuals who oppose the teaching and learning of seduction techniques is that a seducer is someone who takes advantage of, and knowingly manipulates, women.

But once you are a seducer, you tend to see things in a very different light.

I, for one, am well aware that I can create sexual tension pretty well these days. But I can't create it in every girl.

Try as I might, I will sometimes meet women who simply seem immune to the creation of sexual tension. No matter how much I dial up my sexuality, they just... stay neutral.

Why might this be? Well, as it turns out, Rosemary Bassoon of the University of British Colombia last year published a paper in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy entitled "The Female Sexual Response: A Different Model" that may just explain why:

Sensing an opportunity to be sexual, the partner’s neediness, or an awareness of one or more potential benefits or rewards that are very important to them (but not necessarily sexual), women move from a sexual neutrality to seeking stimuli necessary to ignite sexual desire. This sexual desire would be experienced as a craving for sexual sensations for their own sake, it also might involve a desire to experience physical and subjective arousal and perhaps release of sexual tension. Sexual desire then is a responsive rather than spontaneous event.

What Bassoon is saying here is that women in a neutral state don't become sexually turned on; women who want or need to be sexually turned on seek out the stimuli that can achieve this for them.

Which gels nicely with my experience.

A lot in seduction discusses "creating attraction" or "creating desire" within a woman. And often, as you build attraction up in a girl, or you build up sexual tension within her, you do seem to be creating it, nearly from thin air.

But this overlooks the fact that most of the time this happens it's with women who were already interested in you. Women who from the start had some desire to get to know you further, to find out if you were who they thought you were.

sexual tension

Here's more from Bassoon:

Thus, for many women, it would appear that sexual arousal and a responsive-type of desire occur simultaneously at some point after the women have chosen to experience sexual stimulation[.]

If Bassoon is correct - and I do think she is, from everything I've seen over the years, the seducer does not CREATE the sexual tension a woman feels - he merely provides the stimuli... the key that unlocks the door to the room where a woman can be free to let her hair down and partake, once she's already at least somewhat LOOKING for it.

It's why you hear so many experienced seducers saying they think women want sex more than men do, while so many men with little luck yet with women say they think women don't want sex at all.

Because to the men who haven't learned how to unlock that door yet, women seem to be eternally closed off to sexual desire... while to the desirable, sexual men who have learned how to be the key to that lock, all the women in search of sexual stimuli in the world seem to be bursting through the doors.



sexual tension

You of course have heard the old expression about men and women that, “If a key opens many locks, it's a Master Key.”

Well, to become that Master Key, you must first master sexual tension.

Sexual tension is the bittings, the teeth, on the key that lets you open those locks that are so begging for a man to open them. It is what enables you to free the women you meet to indulge in the raw sexuality they are seeking and desire, if they so choose.

You cannot force a woman into wanting her. You can't trick her, or fool her, or manipulate her. You can only free her into her desire... if she is in search of it.

If she does not want to feel desire though, nowhere in her heart, nothing you can do or say can affect her.

The good news, of course, is that the more talented at creating sexual tension you become, the better able you are to unlock the desire in women who even have that desire buried somewhat under the surface... and the more women who do not have desire, or whom you do not desire, will step out of your way.

The latter part has been particularly intriguing for me. As I've gotten better and better at creating sexual tension, I've noticed the following becomes true when you're very good at creating this tension:

  • The women you want who want you too REALLY begin to want you

  • The women who DON'T want you, or whom you don't want, understand why their friends DO want you, and understand it's their friends you want (and not them) and that it's you their friends want, and because this is mutual, they calmly clear the path

You are speaking a sort of unspoken language that only women and very sexual men understand as you grow better at creating tension, and other people can see it. It's the "spark" women talk on and on about; that magic "thing" no one can seem to put a finger on. It is the magnetic pull between two individuals that combines charisma and desire and mutual interest and makes it something great than all of those things.

And when other people see it between you and a girl - when they can tell it is mutual, and that she truly desire you, and you truly desire her - they get out of the way.

No cock-blocking. No interventions. No pulling the friend away to "go to the bathroom," never to return.

They just let the two lovers alone, because they can see that they will become lovers, and they should become lovers.

This all probably sounds very new-agey to you if you haven't experienced what I'm talking about here yet. For the more advanced guys, you're probably nodding your heads in agreement, whether you know how to do this consistently right now or you've stumbled on this by accident from time to time.

But anyway, I just wanted to give you a taste of what it feels like to have sexual tension decoded and in your pocket, ready to be pulled out to help you open locks whenever and wherever you need it.

Let's get into the real nitty-gritty now of how you transform yourself into that Master Key.


The 7 Keys of Sexual Tension

If you want to be the man who creates sexual tension in women and draws those hidden desires out of them and liberates them, you'll have some tweaking and changing of how you interact with women and how you present yourself first.

And to start with, you must, of course, be comfortable with being around tension... because you'll be creating, well, quite a bit of it.


Key #1: Remain Calm in Tense Situations

sexual tensionImagine a big, powerful, angry-looking man walks right up to you, stares you in the face, and says, in a booming voice, "Are you trying to pull something on me?" Could you respond calmly and intelligently and defuse the situation? Most men couldn't.

Or suppose a stunning, beautiful woman in a tight, slinky, bright red dress strides up to you, stops with her hand on your chest, and says, in the most sexy voice you can imagine, "Do you want me?" Would you be able to remain in control, not miss a beat, and guide her toward the bedroom? Most men would fumble over their own words and drop the ball here.

Before you can create tension, you must first be able to handle tension, and that means not flinching when ridiculous situations thrust themselves upon you. And there are exactly two components to this:

  • Having had the experience already, or one like it; and

  • Consciously knowing the correct way to respond.

You won't get the first of those two until you've been out there and seen it all (or at least a lot of it), again and again. That's simply field experience, and it's why it's so important you're out there and meeting a lot of new women.

Don't get the experiences, and you can't get the conditioning - and conditioning is crucial to your future growth.

But the second of those two you can work on right now, without an ounce more experience in these types of situations than you had when you started reading this article.

Here's how to respond in tense situations:

  1. Don't instantly react. When people panic or get overly excited, they tend to react quickly and instinctively. Thing is, if you don't have much experience in a given situation, your instincts tend to be wrong. Your first reaction to the big guy might be to sputter out excuses, or to violently push back and escalate the situation. Your first reaction to the beautiful vamp might be to say, "Yes, absolutely!" or to act overly cool and say, "Who said I want you?" None of these responses would be correct... they'd just blow the situation and lead to a bad end. So stay calm, and don't instantly react.

  2. Don't escalate. Many people escalate when others suddenly force things upon them. They challenge the guy to a fight, or they tell the girl they like her and ask if she likes them. This is wrong - because it's following the other person's lead instead of having them follow yours.

  3. Don't bow out. The other chunk of people bow out of tense situations - they tell they guy they're sorry and don't know what he's talking about, or the tell the girl, "Not really," and shoot her down if they're afraid she's just toying with them. This is wrong because it tends to make you look weak or afraid, or, in the case of the woman, it wrecks an otherwise great opportunity.

  4. DO ask clarifying / direction-changing questions. This takes the other person off the initiative and transfers the initiative to you, giving you time to regain balance and assess the situation. Asking the tough guy, "Begging your pardon?" then looking at him with a quizzical look, then following up his next exclamation (probably: "You know what I'm talking about!" or "You did this!") with another, disorienting question (e.g., "Do we know each other?") regains the initiative for you and steals his thunder. Asking the beautiful girl, "Is this how you normally greet strange men?" and the, when she responds with something along the lines of "only men as sexy as you," making a statement like, "Well, clearly you have good taste, but we should get to know each other before we go ramming our tongues down one another's throats. Do you have a name, or do they just call you 'man killer?'" will show her you aren't fazed and will bring her true intentions to light.

From there, once you're back steering and directing things, you can talk intelligently with the tough guy, or gauge whether the girl's really sexually wound up (in which case, you'd escalate things very quickly, but on your terms) or simply thought you were cute but wanted to test you first (because she likes toying with men and wants to screen out all but the strongest and most experienced men), and take it from there.


Key #2: Don't Spill Your Beans

The majority of men in today's dating arena seem to follow a philosophy of, "Spill your beans to girls, and it'll all be fine." It's an absolutely atrocious approach, and women don't like it.

The reason men adopt this "strategy" in the first place is because they see themselves not getting anywhere with women... and they reason their value must not be high enough. So they work harder to show what high value men they are.

Then harder.

Then harder still.

After a little while in the game, they're spilling the beans on everything remotely interesting or exciting about themselves, and many things that aren't remotely interesting or exciting about themselves as well.

Result?

Zero intrigue. Zero curiosity. And zero sexual tension.

Ever read a romance novel? Or watch a movie with a hero women swoon over? It isn't the guy with his entire life on display for all the world to see, or the guy who's totally transparent to the women he meets.

It's the guy who's the mystery who makes women's hearts beat faster.

Women are obsessed with the mysterious man with a mysterious life and a mysterious past. The mysterious man is the romantic man. They want to discover him: who is this mystery man? Most of the men they meet are in such a hurry to divulge every detail imaginable about themselves... and then, there's this guy.

If you want to create sexual tension, you need to be that guy - you can't go spilling your beans around women and think you'll make them randy later. It doesn't work that way. Wear the cloak of mystery - it's essential.


Key #3: Use Strong Eye Contact

When it comes to creating tension, of any variety, the eyes have it:

  • If you want to intimidate someone, stare into his or her eyes and don't say a word.

  • If you want to show someone how serious you are about something, stare into his or her eyes and don't say a word.

  • And if you want to create sexual tension with someone, stare into her eyes and don't say a word, too.

It might seem odd that staring into a woman's eyes increases sexual tension, but I can tell you from my own experience it certainly does - and so can researchers Joan Kellerman, James Lewis, and James D. Laird in their Journal of Research in Personality studies published in the paper "Looking and loving: The effects of mutual gaze on feelings of romantic love:"

In two studies, subjects induced to exchange mutual unbroken gaze for 2 min with a stranger of the opposite sex reported increased feelings of passionate love for each other. In Study I, 96 subjects were run in the four combinations of gazing at the other's hands or eyes, or in a fifth condition in which the subject was asked to count the other's eye blinks. Subjects who were gazing at their partner's eyes, and whose partner was gazing back reported significantly higher feelings of affection than subjects in any other condition. They also reported greater liking than all subjects except those in the eye blink counting condition. In Study II, with 72 subjects, those who engaged in mutual gaze increased significantly their feelings of passionate love, dispositional love, and liking for their partner. This effect occurred only for subjects who were identified on a separate task as more likely to rely on cues from their own behavior in defining their attributes.

Where should you be looking, precisely? As noted in "Eye Contact Flirting," you should be looking directly at the bridge of a woman's nose, in between her eyes, and not shifting back and forth from eye to eye as many individuals tend to do.

Shifting from eye to eye shows a focus on reactions - the individual shifting eyes is trying to gauge how his or her conversation partner is reading, reacting to, and interpreting his or her actions, words, and behavior. It's great when you see women doing this to you... it means they're deeply interested in how you're feeling about them. But it's even better when they're staring deeply back into your eyes... because then they are signaling that they are every bit as into you as you are into them.


Key #4: Keep Talk to a Minimum

Opinions aren't sexy. Neither is what you had for lunch yesterday, or even your thoughts on silicone breast implants or a discussion of your favorite sex position. Those are not the things that make women lust for you.

Sitting there quietly but intensely while she talks, or leading her silently but firmly through a crowd in a nightclub, or from one part of a café to another, all are things that increase sexual tension.

sexual tension

Talk should only be used in quantity (where you're doing most of the talking, rather than letting her do most of the talking and opinion-sharing and you're simply feeding back to her what she thinks and feels and actively listening) in situations where you want to defuse the tension.

Thus, profuse talking from you is best used:

  • During transition points, like going somewhere she doesn't know the destination of, or taking her to your home, where you risk having her shift emotionally along the way without topics for her to logically seize on and think about

  • During spontaneous escalation and manhandle kiss situations where you need to both progress things physically and emotionally, yet provide engagement for her logically to stop the different parts of her brain from going to war with each other over their differing objectives

  • During turnarounds where you're about to lose a girl and are instead working to get her to change her mind and stay (see: "Don't Let Her Go").

Otherwise, let her do the talking; all you need to do is stare into her eyes and listen... and lead the conversation forward with probing questions and effective deep diving, and lead the interaction forward with strong leading and consistently moving her to the next stage of things.


Key #5: Employ the Power of Suggestion

Have you ever had a woman stare you straight in the eyes and say something like, "You want me, don't you?" If so, how'd you feel?

Most likely, if you wanted her a little bit before, you wanted her a lot afterward. That's the power of suggesting.

What we talk about on here when we discuss chase frames and sexual frames of all sorts is exactly this: suggesting to a woman's conscious and to her subconscious that yes, she very much wants you.

If she doesn't you at all, of course, this will annoy her and drive her away - which is great. If she doesn't want you at all, you're not going to convince her by spending another three hours talking to her, so it's better you found out early on she wasn't interested in mating with you and bailed than it was for this to happen much further into your courtship dance.

But if she is interested in you, this serves as an amplifier for that interest - and it rockets sexual tension ahead.

Don't be afraid of using suggestion (assuming you use it properly, of course - see the articles linked to above on chase frames and sexual frames); it merely acts as a filter and an amplifier for what's already there.


Key #6: Use Touch Well

Touch's relationship with sexual tension is intriguingly diverse: you can use it to increase sexual tension quite a bit, or you can use it sparingly to this effect... you can even refrain from using it altogether.

The difference is, different ways of using touch get you different flavors of sexual tension.

sexual tension

Here's how they each work:

  1. Lots of touch: hot tension. Lots of touch leads to what you might call "hot tension." This is where you and the girl have been touching a LOT, she's thinking hard about sex with you, and she very much wants it. This is the kind of tension you'll see if you play around with rapid physical escalation in dance floor game and at parties and such. There are other places you can use it - long bus rides is a great one, for instance, where you're sitting next to the girl and can be very close and very physical - but those are the primary places.

  2. Strategic touch: excited tension. If you're hardly touching a girl, but strategically touch her here and there - you tap her stomach a few times while making a point, cup her elbow while doing so, at some point find an excuse to grab her head or one of her breasts as a demonstration of some story you're telling, or put your hand on her back as you guide her through an important transition - if it's infrequent, these can be very exciting moments for women. They raise tension substantially, and the thought that races through the girl's mind is, "Oh, wow, I think he DOES like me too! What if something happens, like... soon? Oh wow!" She becomes excited, and anticipation rapidly builds.

  3. No touch: nervous tension. Nervous tension is the hardest to work with, but it's the best for reserved and inexperienced women, or for women who are consciously trying to control themselves (e.g., women who've decided they've had their fill of hook ups and from here on out are ONLY going to allow themselves serious relationships, despite whatever desires they might really have). This is where you increase sexual tension purely using the other keys mentioned, and don't touch her at all... until the two of you are alone together and you create the first kiss. This one's only for pros - master hot tension and excited tension before you try to pull off nervous tension, or you'll probably end up with a heck of a whole lot of nothin'.

If you're just learning sexual tension, I recommend starting out with hot tension, simply because it's the easiest to do and it generates the clearest reactions. It's also the most unstable kind of tension, however, and the most prone to blowing up in your face.

Of the three of these, excited tension is the most stable, because it leads to the most natural, comfortable, and positive sort of tension - it's not an extreme emotion that's likely to crash if you make a single mistake. The only drawback of excited tension is that it's still a bit too "obvious" for reserved women, and for the women who are "pros."

For those girls, you need to pull out your big guns (nervous tension), but again, that one's a high-wire act I only recommend you attempt once you're good with the other two types of tension.


Key #7: Keep Her "Guessing"

This one ties back to #2, and it relates quite a bit with what we talked about in the post on indirect game last week, the point being, of course, that while you imply you are interested in her... you never come quite out and say it.

You can use this even with a direct opener - you simply follow up that up with all the rest of your conversation after never giving her full satisfaction about your motives. You can joke, and kid, and imply, you just can't say it outright - you'll rob her of that mystery we discussed in Key #2.

Here's what a conversation with a girl will look like when she's trying to press for an answer from a man and he's keeping her guessing (although note: once you're good at creating tension, you'll be coming across like enough of an authority figure for most women that they simply won't challenge you like this... this one's simply for demonstration purposes):

Her: So tell me... do you like me?

Him: What do you think?

Her: Well, I'm still trying to figure that out!

Him: And why's it so important to figure out?

Her: I'm just curious.

Him: I'd say you are, yes.

Her: And how about you... you're not curious if I like you?

Him: I don't need to be curious.

Her: Why not?

Him: Because I already know the answer.

Her: [laughs] So what is it?

Him: Remind me to tell you sometime.

Her: [laughs]

Him: So how'd you end up here in this part of the world, anyway? You don't seem like a globe-trotting kind of girl...

It's pretty obvious to anyone with a modicum of social intelligence that both people are attracted to one another in that conversation there. But he "keeps her guessing"... she's not really guessing, she knows he's attracted to her too, but his aptitude at keeping engaging banter like this on without bending and telling her exactly what she's asking displays his social finesse and his experience with women.

He communicates being preselected to her through this verbal dance, and it makes her want him more.


The Sexual Tension Master Key

Like my friend told me back in the day, talking about sex does not a lusty woman make. It's eliciting her lusty side, through employing the keys of sexual tension, that liberate her to be her aroused, excited self around you - and to realize that you are the one you can give her the things she's searching for in a sex partner.

Those keys, to recap, of course are:

  1. Remain calm in tense situations,
  2. Don't spill your beans,
  3. Use strong eye contact,
  4. Keep talk to a minimum,
  5. Employ the power of suggestion,
  6. Use touch well, and
  7. Keep her "guessing"

When you're using all of these, and you combine them with a sexy vibe, you turn yourself into a man women find completely irresistible... and the women who are "looking for something" start coming out of the woodwork, flirting with you, trying to catch your eye, trying to pique your interest.

It becomes easy.

sexual tension

Which is a little strange, at first, especially when you're coming from a background where sex used to be this elusive thing that most men wanted and most women didn't want to give up. Suddenly the tables have turned, and women want it from you like crazy... meanwhile, most men out there are still standing around talking about how hard it is to get women to intimacy, and you begin having a harder and harder time understanding how they can even possibly think this, or why on Earth you ever did.

You're a changed man, and the way women react to you has changed, and the ease of having the kinds of experiences you want to have in the world has changed. It changes everything.

And the only difference between you and those guys standing there complaining bitterly about women is, you've turned yourself into a Master Key able to open many locks... while they're still milling about wondering why the door is closed to them in the first place.

Time to get unlocking.

Ciao,
Chase

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Comments

Blade's picture

Hey chase, I really like your


Hey chase, I really like your articles a lot and how you put so much work into them by explaining everything detail by detail. I have a question though I'm trying to get intimate with my boss but I don't know how I can do it. This is how she is she says don't tell anyone anything about us but yet she hugs on me in front of Co workers and she lets them know subtly that she seems interested in me by saying things that don't need to be said but she says it anyway for no reason. Please explain that one to me. And she also gives me compliance like when I ask her or tell her to do something she does it and she's says she doesn't know why she's doing it. Its like she puts up this front but I don't know. She tells me we can't date and I said OK now she thinks I just want sex. I've tried inviting her to my home before she made an excuse the first time then later says its too risky but yet we hang out in her car so I don't know what the difference is.... and me inviting her home was before everything I wrote that happened between us. So she's showing interest infront of people, she gives me compliance, we hang out, but she wont come home. I just want you to explain why she acts like this and how can I get her home? Thanks chase!

Chase Amante's picture

Seducing the Boss

Author

Hey Blade,

Your read is right, she clearly is interested. Lots of flirting going on, and her saying things like, “We can’t date!” and, “It’s too risky!” means she wants to, and she wants you to disarm her objections (if she wasn’t interested, she’d say, “Blade, I’m your boss, and I’m not interested in you like that,” not protest that it’s “risky”).

When a woman throws up weak objections like that, she’s telling you to lead. e.g., she says it’s too risky, and you say, “I know… that’s why it’s exciting,” then take her hand and lead, and don’t back down from it. She’ll respect you a lot more for it.

And, I don’t know how your workplace is situated or setup, but after-hours sex is one of the most common ways people get away with it in the office, or something happening in her car would be a lot of fun and risqué enough to be rather exciting for her (and you), too.

Chase

Flames's picture

Thanks for this


Once again Chase you've read my mind on the topics I'm working (or have been working) on, sob thanks for that.

Over the last year and a half I've noticed a definate increase in sexual tension. Mainly ive put this down to the rock solid EC I now have, but never did I realise that it was that fact that it was some of the things I already had, such as not being 'an open book', and keeping things slightly Mysterious. Indeed I never vocalise anything I can get across non-verbally, ie
Implying that I'm interested. Most girls (even the less intuitive ones) will pick up on implied interest.

One thing you've said about this nervous tension, is that it's the most difficult route, but for whatever reason I seem to have dropped into that 'tactic'. I'm not naturally a touchy feely guy (at least publically) so that maybe why. What are the dangers of this type of tension? I can see maybe it comes off as disinterested, but I think Ive got round that, and indeed it seems to be drawing girls into touching me first.

What are you thoughts on this?

Chase Amante's picture

Nervous Tension

Author

Hey Flames,

You're working on the right stuff, then! Creating sexual tension's a big win you can bring across the board to all your game with women... it makes everything else easier.

The reason nervous tension's difficult is because it's easy for girls to end up in auto-rejection if your management of the interaction isn't pitch-perfect (e.g., she starts feeling like her interest in you isn't being reciprocated), and once that happens you don't get them back (99 times out of 100).

In addition to that, if you move too slowly with nervous tension, a girl can be in mild auto-rejection already by the time you pull her home and try to get physical on her, and she'll brush you off and tell you it's uncomfortable or she doesn't like you that way. If you use nervous tension, you need to move a lot faster than you would with, say, excited tension, but you ALSO usually can't move quite as fast you would with hot tension. Because it's not a "just move really fast" type of tension like hot tension is, or a "go at your own pace" type of tension like excited tension is, it requires that high-wire balancing act that makes it more risky.

But it's the most broadly applicable type of sexual tension - it works on the largest swath of women - which is it's brightest redeeming quality (another one is that because you don't use touch with it, you can use it in a wider variety of scenarios, including those where you're not able to use touch, like being in public with a group of people, for instance, or picking her up in front of a cluster of her friends were you getting touchy with her will throw off alarms with overprotective friends).

Cheers,
Chase

Flames's picture

Auto-rejection


Absolutely auto-rejection is a big part of this and until I read up on your attainability thread I thought I was putting too much effort in, so I was backing off while doing this and getting absolutely nowhere.

I seem to be able keep this type or tension up almost indefinitely now (or at least until I'm ready to strike) but as you say it's a high wire act (and that's always how's it felt too) which is where being properly calibrated is essential. I find that doing a lot of push-pull seems to be the way to go, and somewhat the 'girly trick' of hot/cold and mixed messages too.

Also I've As I mentioned earlier I've been getting a lot of girls touching me, and having very close comfort zones, almost like its allowing them to let a bit of 'steam' off. DLV's too I've had quite a few recently and never experienced that before.

Has that been your experience?

Anonymous's picture

I get this too


I get this too, lot's of touching and such. That explains a bit of it thanks.

Funny story, I sat down next to a friend of mine while we were with a group. I was playing around with proximity at the time, and we were close enough where we could feel our arms brush against each other when reaching for stuff on the table. She started hyperventilating/breathing heavily a bit later. I didn't realize why at the time, as I was quite comfortable with the proximity. Eventually she had to diffuse and blurt out "OKAY YOU ARE WAY TOO CLOSE". I responded to this by scooting closer. Nervous tension is fun :)

Dave's picture

Brilliant article Chase, one


Brilliant article Chase, one of your best. Your point on spilling the beans is spot on, being an open book only provides for a boring, unexciting conversation and which you are left totally vulnerable. It also allows more to be held against you. I find The more you talk the harder it is to get what you want. Thanks for the insight.

Chase Amante's picture

The More You Talk...

Author

Howdy Dave,

Glad you thought so. Great quote from you here:

"The more you talk the harder it is to get what you want."

I'm in full agreement on this one - if you want to get what you want to get, just stop talking, and only jump in when the conversation needs a little steering. The less you talk - once you know how to make the talking that you do do count, that is - the better the results you tend to get (to a point, of course... mute guys might intrigue girls at first, but they soon become frustrated!).

Chase

Walls's picture

Quietness


Speaking on Dave's comment about talking.. What's the right balance to strike for the 'strong silent type?' I did read your article on the matter, but I'm still a bit confused; sometimes when I'm being strong and silent, I am not noticed socially or at parties by girls. What's the deal, Chase? Any help would be greatly appreciated!

Nathan's picture

Hey Walls, Maybe I can help a


Hey Walls,

Maybe I can help a bit as I would consider myself the strong silent type and struggled with the same thing for years.

You gotta be strategic. Often, in these situations, I'll make sure girls see me being social and having a good time but I am NEVER the loudest guy in the room. You have to seem cool, but you also want to be a man of mystery. They'll be thinking, "Hmmm... He seems like a chill guy, I wonder what his story is."

This will get you noticed while at the same time preserving your mysterious aura. Handle your fundamentals and you can play this card to great effect. This has been my go-to atomic bomb for generating attraction and when used correctly it's a killer.

Good luck, brother!

Chase Amante's picture

Re: Quietness

Author

Howdy Walls,

I'm with Nathan. You need to stand out enough through vibe, look (see the posts on facial hair styles and peacocking), and actions to get noticed, but not so much that you're bouncing all around or being the "entertainer guy."

So, like Nathan - sociable and chill, but understated.

You want the people around to be wondering about you - but they won't wonder about you if you never catch their eyes, so you've got to do both. It's a fine line, but you'll quickly learn where it is once you're keeping both of those in your sights simultaneously (attract attention, but spark intrigue and curiosity). Just look for the happy medium that gets you the most curious, intrigued attention - it's a little bit different for everyone, depending on your look (good rule of thumb: the more you stand out visually, the more relaxed you must be behaviorally).

Chase

Zac's picture

Chase, i just read the


Chase, i just read the article again, Attraction has an expiry date. You would know that by sometime soon you will get a lot of women wanting to what you called it "take your seed". They give signals as easy as 1-2-3. Even underage ones!

So i was thinking how do i qualify and the knowing as such to know which women is genuine and which one is great for me.

It seems like i'm talking about qualifying women in great detail, filtering those whom only interested for personal gain and maybe drama? Hmm Help me! :)

Chase Amante's picture

Choosing the Right Girl

Author

Hi Zac,

Sounds like you're talking about figuring out which of the girls who are interested in you are the ones you most want to pursue something substantial with, correct?

If so, have a look at this post, which is on that subject, and let me know if that answers your questions:

Choosing the Right Qualities in a Woman

Always,
Chase

Zac's picture

the post help me in screening


the post help me in screening out qualities i like. i actually have qualities of my own that i would like to find. Afterawhile, you realize your friends and girlfriends influence much on your life as also mention in "What to look for in a girlfriend".

Humility, Beauty, Independent, Cheerful women

I am like lost between screening, qualifying and then deep diving, because as you meet more people in general, you do realize not all is going to be much fit with your screening, and you would also like to be a genuine man whom at least be relatable.

so yea, i guess i'm lost because i can deep dive, people tell me i'm warmth, but screening and qualifying seems to go wrong somewhere.

Chase Amante's picture

Screening and Qualifying

Author

Hey Zac,

Ideally, you want screening and qualifying to be a natural part of your conversation - for it to go hand-in-hand with your deep diving and other discussions with a girl.

Check out "Is Qualifying Women Really That Important?" and "Conversation Example" to get a better handle on how to do these right.

Cheers,
Chase

Anonymous's picture

Interesting. Anyway to salvage this situation?


I wish I read this a week earlier.
Recently I talked with a couple girls about sex, not knowing that it would be a turn-off. I found out what they liked, and mainly told them I enjoyed orgasms where a woman just can't control herself. We didn't have sex (high school, no condom-- but we are legal, 16 is the minimum age here), and we don't talk about it anymore, but they are still sending me porn, specifically moments with orgasms where a woman just can't control herself. And also one of them is teasing me about it, not the bully type of teasing, but like... inside joke type of teasing.

I want to believe they are interested in being friends-with-benefits, but am stuck thinking I'm in the platonic friend-zone. Should I just move onto different ones?

Chase Amante's picture

Salvaging a Damaged Situation

Author

Hi Anon,

It's tough once you slip up in setting early precedent. It sounds like they've leveraged this into a "hey we're buddies" joking around, which implies they're firmly seeing you as a "friend" and not as a "prospective mate." That's really hard to turn around, and almost impossible without them seeing you with at least one short-term girlfriend first (very preferably one they consider prettier / cooler than they are). That's the surest-fire way to reset their view of you and knock them out of that "oh, he's our friend" mentality.

The most efficient use of your time here is, yeah, simply moving on... and these girls might change their tunes when they see you making headway with some other girl, in any event!

Cheers,
Chase

KING SINCERE ALLAH's picture

UNBELIEVABLE!!!


once again, your on point like a mechanical pencil Chase!!

try a couple of examples on for size, brother!:

at a bar, teasing the waitress about the fact she didn't bring the drink that i'd requested. teased her a couple of times she says "i wouldn't do that to you, you're too cute". she caught me off guard, i didn't respond at all. tried to go at her another night i was in, it didn't work. in your experiences, what do think happened?

i've been thinking about a technique where i pretend to slip up & suggest a physical act with a potential mate. do you think this a good use of suggestion?

thanks,
Chase

Chase Amante's picture

Sexual Tension Example

Author

Howdy King Sincere- I like the analogy!

The waitress teasing it sounds like was too much. e.g., she found you attractive ("cute") but the teasing went overboard - it was more than what she'd expect from an attractive guy who does well with women. I'd advise checking out the posts on indirect game and teasing girls to shore things up here a bit and get to teasing her in a way she'll respond to.

The "suggesting something physical" thing you've got to time right and get the delivery on right - it's easy to say it too seriously, have the girl reject it, and then you're playing catch up. Try chase framing on for size for something like this, and imply that she's trying to make something happen with you, instead. Then if she denies it, you can play around with her, "That's what they all say..."

Always,
Chase

Humpert's picture

Chase, hey, thanks for


Chase, hey, thanks for another great post. Reading these posts day to day, even when they don't apply to me, really keeps me on point.

You've mentioned the long-term girlfriends that you've had. I wonder, how do you re-establish lost tension? How do you keep the sexual vibe between the two of you taut? It seems to me, after you've gotten to a certain point in a relationship, where some beans have been spilled, you have talked a great deal with each other, and touching and kissing seems like second nature, there is ZERO tension left, and you're wondering where that little spark went.

Thanks again.

Chase Amante's picture

Sexual Tension in Long Term Relationship

Author

Howdy Humpert,

What most of it comes down to is remaining "untamed" in your relationship. People are most drawn to and attracted to the mates that they feel they need to keep working to continually attract and secure, and the mates that they always feel are there but not unconditionally... e.g., you're only there so long as it still suits you.

I'll see if I can flesh this out in an article sometime in the next week or two.

Cheers,
Chase

Marco's picture

question for Chase


I post this question few months ago in "attractionexpiration date" article, but because that post is inactive for some time i will ask your advice here hoping you will answer me.

Hi Chase. I have one for me important question and need your advice. In some earlier comments you sad "Thing is, who those girls are changes as you do. A girl might firmly make one guy wait three or four months to become lovers, because she either sees him as her ideal boyfriend material and doesn't want to risk losing him, or he doesn't push her particular buttons very hard and she can take it or leave it. That same girl might hop into the sack with another guy the day they meet because he's her ideal lover type (or knows how to position himself as much)"
How do you produce that ideal lover type in her mind? Push particular buttons very hard, what exactly do you mean by that?What is that buttons, and what is very hard by your standards? I am asking this because i had more than one situations, where i met a girl, we see each other more then few times ( not dates, for example waitress in bar i am hanging out), i think she is type of girl who had hers fair share of guys, likes casual sex, but than again somehow even though i think she likes me ( we flirt and tease each other a lot) when i called her out, she refused, with excuse that we are not similar so relationship wouldnt work. Then when i suggest that i am not looking for serious relationship, her response was that she is not "that type" of a girl.Because i think that is not true, and worst of all, that she has been with all sorts of guys ( so i can say that she doesnt have some high criterion for guys, just like sex), how the hell do you produce that " i am right lover for you" effect ?And one more question related to first one. By my opinion it is idiotic, pathetic and needy, but what do you think about situations where guys brag themselves in front of a girl? I am talking about situation where he tells her " come to my place, i am going to give you great time in bed, i am going to show you what a real man is, if you didnt show up you will miss out great sex bla, bla, bla" In my country there is saying dog who barks doesnt know how to bite.I always though that girls also think that if you are strong on your words you are lame in actions, but what frustrate me is that i think there are girls with whom i blew up,and nothing happened, and those kind of guys ( "bragers") actually get some results?

Chase Amante's picture

Braggers

Author

Hi Marco,

I answered your question in the comments about a month ago - you can see my reply here:

http://www.girlschase.com/content/carnival-dating-advice-8th-edition#com...

Cheers,
Chase

Godless's picture

Hesitation


I really love your articles, and no one has helped me more in my love life than you, your article on how to get laid on the first date also worked! You're really awesome!

So I have a question..This is a hard question to word...Would I be right to conclude that when I hesitate, it not only kills attraction felt towards me, by acting instantly (and therefore losing my calm), but also because I wasn't 100% confident in myself the first instant I thought of what I was saying/doing? Make sense? Am I thinking about this in the right light?

Anonymous's picture

breasts


What would be an appropriate situation where you could touch the breasts to create exciting tension?

Socialkenny's picture

Tension


Great article Chase. This is exactly what I was looking for for my weekend. I'm an advanced guy in the world of pickup but I often neglected sexual tension out of fear of chasing the girl away. I also made the mistake a lot of trying to turn the target on via words.

http://kennyspuathoughts.com/

Mantissa's picture

No talking?


Yo Chase,

Just started reading this blog recently, great work bro. I have a question regarding this whole no talking business. I have never looked at it this way before and currently consider talking a huge asset when creating sexual tension. I'm not talking about logical convincing, I'm talking more around creating and cementing emotions, chase and sexual framing, communicating character, taking control etc etc. I find when I use this with appropriate touch then it works pretty damn well (obviously all will be adjusted to the girl). I suppose what I mean is can't words be a key too? (50 shades did pretty well, and porn is a mainly male fetish). Just talking about topics such as sex, or even from an objective appreciative angle and walking away can communicate that you are a sexual being and are totally fucking cool with that. That frame can escalate tension anyway no?

Now i'm not saying I'm right but could you clarify what you mean with the minimal talking cos im confused atm?

I think you mean don't use dialogue to:

-Divulge from the goal

-Ruin the mystery

-Come across as overly eager

Velour's picture

truly?


I was cheerily surprised you said you could grab a woman's breast whilst in conversation. I was wondering if you had an example?

Best.

1prouddad13's picture

Building Sexual Tension DURING the Sex Act


Several years ago, while still married, the Wife and I started, as most do, to add "Spice" to our sex life by "Talking Dirty". At first, we were pedestrian,at best, but, with time, it became an exciting addition to our sex life. Talking dirty, as it's labeled, is really a way for both partners to become comfortable, expand knowledge of yourself and your partner and much more. As we progressed, one night, quite spur of the moment, I added a couple of "Little" things which, again, proved to be a real addition. The first time, we were having intercourse, both of us were very aroused and increasing tempo and intensity, as we always did, heading for an out of breath conclusion, with little talk of any kind at this point.. Of a sudden, I stopped my thrust, while still completely inside, said. "Dan't make a sound or say a word, if you do I'll pull out an inch for each, until , if I pull out all the way we're doneensio. She went nuts, gasping loudly after she spoke and I pulled out the inch. I let tension build with an eye on when she needed to re-start. It was a regular part of sex and we came up with several variations. What would this be called?

Anonymous's picture

You are the man!


Chase, I just want to say that I've been reading your articles for a few weeks now and you are a goddamn genius! Everything you say is right on the mark! My experience with women is somewhere between novice and mildly enlightened, but creating sexual tension, especially how you've outlined it in this article, has been somewhat of an Achilles' heel for me. I feel like I've improved a lot in the initial stages of generating interest and scoring first dates as you've outlined in previous articles, but I end up awkwardly segueing into sex on subsequent interactions, which ultimately yields poor and inconsistent results.

Anyway, I stumbled on this article specifically because of a date I'm having with a girl I recently met two days ago (another thank you on the article that discusses the importance of "moving fast"), and I just wanted to say thank you for writing such detailed explanations and diving into the psychology of WHY and not just simply explaining the how. I will definitely be applying these concepts tonight and hopefully advance further in my seduction abilities!

Dr. M

Anonymous's picture

Just here to thank you


Confidence is needed to pull these tricks off. Going to the gym hardcore (started about 1,5-years ago) has helped me tremendously. It has made me more calm and relaxed, and just overall better-looking. Since then I've noticed how more and more girls are trying to steal my attention. I had no idea what was going on until I stumbled upon this article. Especially 1st, 4th and 7th tips are the ones that I've seen in action.

This site is amazing. So much in-depth detail. Dude you've done some ridiculously great work over here!

Anonymous's picture

I came back to "the game"


I came back to "the game" cold, and found out that women were skeptical about me, imagining that I was an poseur or imposter, owing to their knowledge of the growing PUA community and the publication and dissemination of information about how naturals behave and their inherent attitudes. I even witnessed and experienced guys who were as bogus as three dollar bills get shut down by women and then kindle attraction with them by mocking me to her, like I was the joke they could both enjoy... Sad state of affairs. And I wondered why I could see so easily through them but the woman, who invariably imagined she was the judge of things, could not. If you ask me, women are so arrogant at times that they can't imagine that a guy is testing them, they have a preconceived notion that they are the only party capable of employing tests. Maybe my tests are so subtle that they do not perceive them, but I certainly gain the information I am seeking when I employ them. Anyhow, during my cold freeze, and it existed for health reasons, among other things, I confess that I would go after easy prospects, women who all but fell into my lap. That was a terrible mistake, as I knew it would be, because those types tend to use a destructive form of jealousy; they knock your esteem in order to try to lessen your sense of self perceived value. When that is going on, and you are additionally avoiding women in general, giving off at atmosphere that states you'd rather be left alone, owing to other destructive familial and social influences, you allow yourself to become seriously handicapped. What I found out early in life was that many women were seriously attracted to me. And it made no sense to me, because the very hard message I was receiving from other guys, including my old man, was that I stood at the bottom of the totem pole. What I did not understand was the fact that what they were employing was a malicious mind game based on envy. They were quite effective. Where other guys were being shut down in a heart beat, I was witnessing green light after green light with highly attractive girls and young women. It was like other guys were bitterly frustrated and sitting at red lights and grinding their teeth, while I was looking at a string of green lights in all directions. It wasn't until I discovered alcohol that I could relax enough to let women pick me up and take me home, or out to my car for a quickie if she were accompanied by her date, or boyfriend. Yes, women used to walk past me into clubs with their date, and then quickly return for a quick shag, then re-enter the establishment to find their boyfriend. I used to watch guys buying drinks in clubs for women, knowing that he was getting the bill, but I'd be the one taking her home. I knew this, and every woman in the club knew this, typically from the moment I made my choice. And I would make my choice subtly, and it was always cemented from that moment on. Actually, what would occur is that one to three women would notice me and then ALL the women would notice me, then all heads would turn in my direction, as the guys all wanted to know who all of the women were looking at. From what I could see, the majority of the guys were basically pleading, "No contest", and imagined that I could walk out with whomever I choose, including the girl that had come with. Naturally, I did not mind this at all, and I figured other guys were getting their just desserts, because of how I had been treated by other guys growing up. The girls and women had been right in their assessment of me; even though my self esteem had been severely impaired, and it was taking booze for me to get out of my own way, I still could not believe the caliber of women who were feeling lust at first sight, their vaginas were all vibrating like violin strings in symphony performance; they were right, because at 19 I could afford to buy a home in San Francisco. I traveled the world with a sense of adventure, and discovered that European and other women were also smitten. In one country, a man who was a momentary lunch companion was so struck by the behavior of the waitress that he commented, "She's standing there as if she were offering her entire being to you..." The only thing I had noticed was that she appeared to be too focused on me, while I was simply trying to fill my stomach. One woman, after cutting my hair, asked me if I was ready for my blow job... I let a friend drive my car one day. While we were out, I asked a girl and her younger brother if they wanted a lift, she was extremely eager, and she surprised me by hopping into my lap, what really surprised me was when she instantly began grinding her ass against me. She was very cute. I felt uncomfortable for her brother, and I made her stop. I used to dump women when I'd witness that they'd rather stay in bed with me than pick up their children when they were supposed to. I would drop several women I was sleeping with on the same day just to start fresh. Here is the thing, though. I was always severely criticized and put down early in life, those guys actually knew what they were doing. My father definitely was old enough to realize the harm he was doing. The outside affirmation never really jibbed with the internalized image I have of myself. I never played games with women. I still don't. I have always been myself. Basically, there is something inside of me that calls out to women, and they hear it. It's that simple. I am transparent and they are mesmerized by what they see. But then, as recently, I hold their attention at arms distance. I recently joined a new gym, women half my age could not wipe the smiles off of their faces as they stared at me eyeball to eyeball, from any distance. But as I let time slip by, the begin to doubt their original assessment, because they believe that had they assessed me correctly, I would have hooked up with someone; in which case the competition for me would have increased. Instead, I let the attraction die down by failing to approach anyone. Some of the women I find attractive are in the 19 - 26 year old age group; I'm in my mid-forties. These girls know that I have extremely good genes. I couldn't do what I do in the gym at this age if I did not. I would not have this physique if I did not have good genes. Guys half my age find it inspiring, because they realize, or at least imagine, that there is no reason that they cannot look great and attract women when they reach my age, it reaffirms their commitment to keep working out. At the new gym, the new staff see the attention that I am getting and they try to steal it away from me by hassling me for no reason, but they always have a legitimate excuse. Well, they have a reason, it is the same reason that my young peers employed when I was a little kid. Actually, I realize that their is a name to their game, because they gave it away. They commonly call it "gym politics", suggesting that it is the policy of the gym. One of the gym attendants referred to the principle of "negative repetition," in weight training. And it was very clear by the malicious gleam in his eyes that he was actually discussing their agreed tactic, which is negative repetition, or repeatedly correcting me for some petty reason or other. And everyone else in the gym looks mortified when they do it, because they typically do this after they have noticed that I am garnering significant attention. That makes them eager to pounce. And there are guys who do this in pretty much any group activity that I attend. It is a life lesson that keeps getting thrown up at me. At the same time, their behavior is so foreign to my own way of being that I have a difficult time dealing with it, though most people, I imagine, have long ago learned how to deal with such tactics. I have gotten a good deal out of reading your articles. I understand that my problem is compliance, rather than confrontation, or making a joke of it. I try to make light of it but I feel so much anger that I keep my mouth closed, because they are not being legitimate. That's the way I grew up, taking it in smoldering silence. Just before reading your article, I shook hands with one of the gym attendants and thanked him for his correction after he informed me that I was to wipe down the perfectly clean equipment after using it. He was awkwardly surprised, because I would not release his hand while I continued talking to him, and he outweighs me by a good 60 lbs., but I knew that I could hold him in place even if he tried to break free, which he did not. Then I explained to a worthwhile attendant that the other employees were offering me training advise and they knew nothing about what they were talking about. I highlighted the idea that he looked like someone who knew a thing or two, in order to be certain that he'd repeat my remarks, which he did. Now, I have to deal with the runt of the bunch, a pip squeak who is trying to police me around the gym. What is funny, though, is that after encountering him the other day, which really made onlookers feel depressed, because I appear to inspire, and yet I am being undercut, which is just wrong, well, after his remarks, I went off to another machine which had just been used by a very lithe and beautiful 17 year old girl. Way too young for me, I wouldn't even go there. However, I kindly explained to her that there was no need for her to wipe down the equipment. And the thing is she felt self conscious about the process, probably because of her age. I am certain that few guys would qualify themselves as potential suitors. At any rate, I kindly explained to her that there was no need to wipe down the equipment, that it looked was it was. She actually took this to mean that her sweat impression on the machine was something I found beautiful. Women see me, they think sex, and everything I say because sexualized in their minds. Everything I say takes on sexual import. So, today, I am not so angry at the little runt of a gym attendant. I would never have tried to reassure the young woman that the equipment was clean had the attendant not given me a hard time about the equipment that I had been using, which was equally clean. That is how it goes, women of all ages convert what I am saying into something sexual and the attractive ones feel a spike of sexual energy. The unattractive ones have very negative vibes and they try to dampen your energy and esteem with caustic looks; as if they were rejecting you, and I do receive a more than my fair share of these glares, sneers and stares on a near daily basis. It does play against the subconscious, all of that auto rejection by grossly unattractive women. For me, for the most part, being a natural is self actualization. And yes, when I am fully feeling the vibe, when I am reciprocating her vibe, people for the most part do step back and let nature take it's course. However, there are a lot of malicious people out there as well, women as well as men, who will go overboard at trying to throw rods between the spokes of the wheel. Actually, I can't count the number of devilish individuals out there. Women who are envious of the women I date will quickly think up something to impress my date with the idea that their date has something that I do not have; I can see the wheels in their minds frantically turning before they utter something or take some dramatic action. That is meant to transfer the envy the woman feels towards my date, from herself and onto my date. I have witnessed men who were out on a date of their own, or with their wife, yes, even in their wife's presence, grow so sick with envy that they have tried to call me out for a fight, without any prior conversation or the slightest interaction taking place prior. More often than not, I recognize that I could beat the snot out of these individuals, but their entire feeling is to separate me from my date at any cost, so I typically ignore them entirely, and remain focused on my date. I guess you could call such incidents high tension moments, but it is as if an insect had landed on my table and I am trying not to call attention to it by squashing it. If I am with a bad date, one who plays into it, either out of a desire for drama or because she wants to take me down a notch or two, in which case such interlopers are her allies, then I quickly recognize her disloyalty and she is no better than they are in my eyes. And that can occur if the woman has low self esteem and is hoping to see my esteem diminished. I was in one coffee shop with a woman who kept taking "friendly" jabs at me. Everyone in the place was aware of what she was doing. It was like osmosis or something. Everyone picked up on it. And several women who were clearly more attractive than my date were giving off vibes that they would be only too happy to take her place, and to treat me with greater respect. I got the distinct feeling they wanted me to get up out of my seat and make a B- line towards them. Eventually, I told the girl I was with, that several people mentioned to me that I should find an apartment near a university; and she instantly looked crestfallen. At the same time, a large number of women instantly began nodding their heads up and down in affirmation of the idea. They were all university students. I wish that everyone believed in abundance and that everyone supported one another in their life pursuits, but from what I have experienced throughout life, it is far from the case. There will always be people who are either envious, jealous or both. And many of them will act on their negative impulses.

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