I think that one of the most under-discussed topics in seduction is sexual availability.
What is sexual availability? Sexual availability is not only whether or not a girl has other men in her life (which she does 90% of the time), but also the extent to which she is satisfied with consistently having sex with one or more of these men.
It doesn’t matter if you have the tightest game. It doesn’t matter if you’re an extremely high-value man. If you don’t understand sexual availability, you will experience much more frustration and confusion toward women than is at all necessary.
So today I’m going to outline and explain this concept, and more importantly: delve into why it’s important.
When Everything Goes Right
Sexual availability becomes most important not when you’re doing things wrong with a girl, but when you’re doing things right.
You can have the most ideal seduction situations, but two things might still work against you that you can’t always control:
A few months ago I met a sexy girl named Nicole. She was a short, sexually open Latina who responded well to my leading, was qualifying herself, and was telling me personal stories of her past. She made a point of telling me that she had recently broken up with her boyfriend of many years and was looking for a guy to have consistent sexual encounters with. She told me that she wanted me to come over to her place and have some fun that night.
Unfortunately, it was really late at night and I had to get up early in the morning for an important business meeting.
So I told her to hold off until the next afternoon when I’d be free and available. She happily agreed, and in the meantime she was sending me nude photos and telling me how much she couldn’t wait for our imminent encounter.
Then, about an hour before I was set to see her, I was sending her some sexual texts to prime her for our encounter. But I got no response. Then around the time we were set to hang out, she sent me this text:
Her: Hah…So…here’s the thing…I kind of started hooking up with one of my guy friends randomly and I’m now kind of set at the moment. But don’t lose my number just yet. You’re a really cool guy and I think you’re really sexy. Unfortunately right now it’s just bad timing for Colt and Nicole dirty fun times.
I wondered about this encounter for a while. On paper, I played everything right in the interaction. I deep dived her, I pushed the sexuality, I employed push-pull, and I had her desperately waiting to meet up with me.
I knew that my engagement was much more important than one random girl –but I also kept in mind that it would be fewer than 12 hours before I was able to see her again – so I wasn’t very concerned about the situation.
But the sexuality of women should never be underestimated. I wasn’t terribly surprised when she had told me that she managed to sleep with someone else. But what did surprise me, was that she shut out the opportunity to have sex with a high-value man because she had a consistent man in her life to sleep with now.
I remembered her mentioning that she wanted a consistent guy to hook up with, and even though I was surprised at how fast the window of opportunity closed, I wrote it off as an anomaly.
We went on an amazing date of museum hopping and art walks – a wholesome and substantive kind of date that I rarely get to enjoy with your average American girl. We spent the entire day together, and when we made it back to my place, the sexual tension was at boiler-plate levels.
We then had a hot, passionate night, and I was convinced that I had made a great connection with a girl that I would really enjoy having in my life. And then we had the talk. She was lying softly on my chest, sliding her delicate hand up and down the side of my arm.
Her: Colt, I really need to tell you something. (never a good sign when a girl starts a conversation like that)
Me: No worries. What’s on your mind?
Her: We can’t ever do this again.
Me: What? [with great surprise on my face]. What do you mean? Haven’t you had a good time.
Her: I’ve had a better than good time. I have had an amazing time with you. And I think that you are a wonderful man. But... I kind of have been hooking up with this other guy for a while, and I don’t really think I should confuse things by introducing someone new.
Me: Is this guy your boyfriend or something?
Her: No, not at all [she said with a sigh]. I’m not really looking for anything that serious in my life.
Me: Do you really like him?
Her: He’s a good guy. And he’s just… comfortable. I just really can’t handle more than one man in my life. It’s just been an amazing day. I got swept up in the fun of it all. But we really can’t do this again. I hope you understand. I’m really sorry Colt. It’s just not good timing.
A lot of thoughts went through my head at this point, and I can’t quite remember what I said to her in response. But, I did take note of the fact that this situation happened again. I met a girl who had opened up to me and was ready to sleep with me, only to tell me that there was another guy in her life and that she didn’t want to introduce anymore new characters.
These experiences really hammered home the importance of timing when meeting girls. And I came up with a rule of thumb that applies to most women:
When a girl has a halfway decent guy in her life who she has been hooking up with consistently, she would rather continue to have sex with him than take a chance on hooking up with a new high-value guy if it’s not convenient for her.
And the point of convenience is very important. So let me elaborate:
We often speak of the path of least resistance in seduction on this site. The path of least resistance applies especially well in terms of sexual availability. That is, women will sleep with the man whom they can get the biggest returns from the most easily.
I thought a little bit more about the circumstances of Nicole and Andrea. With Andrea, she was a few years older than me, and was in a different lifescape in terms of her career and the kinds of things she did with her free time. So she probably recognized that not only was there a difference in the timing of when I came into her life, but a difference in timing in terms of where we were in our lives as well. And that was an important difference.
The man who she was already hooking up with was the same age, and though he was pretty average, the barrier was low and he was by far the most convenient option. Therefore, hooking up with him was following the path of least resistance.
I recently met a wonderful girl named Rebecca. She lived in one of the neighboring towns about 15 miles away from me. She was smart, quirky, and always made a fantastic partner in crime. We hung out for a couple of months, and I opened up her sexual horizons while consistently having a great time with her.
It wasn’t too much of a hassle for us, but I did wonder about whether or not she cared to make the journey to come see me (which she made most of the time).
A few weeks ago I asked her to hang out.
Me: Becca, do you want to go on an adventure this week?
Her: Yea, I’d love to! Should we meet up near you or me?
Me: Do you mind coming to me?
Her: Of course not, sounds great to me. Just let me know what time
And then she sent me a message the next morning…
Her: So I need to tell you something
Me: Ok. What’s up?
Her: I met a guy in my town a couple weeks ago and I’ve been seeing him quite a bit and last night he asked to be exclusive. I’m really sorry, I really like you and you’re so much fun to spend time with but I think the distance is really hard for us to see each other.
Me: It’s ok Becca. I understand that the distance can be tricky. You’re a great girl and that’s just how life goes sometimes. I’ll have to meet other people, but let me know if you ever want to hang out again.
Her: Thank you so much for understanding. I will definitely let you know when I want to hang out again. For now, I wish you the best and I’ll miss you.
By this point I completely understood what the path of least resistance for Becca was. The location was too big of a barrier for her, so she defaulted to hooking up with a lesser guy who was nearby. But I learned an important lesson from these past experiences as well: don’t burn bridges.
Chase has talked about this concept in a few posts. A girl may be hooking up with/dating a certain guy now, sure. But it’s probably not going to last. And when she wants to find the men who made her wet before, you can easily bring her back into the fold for casual fun while still having new girls in your life.
That’s the kind of lifestyle you can lead when you’re not caught up on one girl. You know that everyone in the mating game is just a commodity and that people constantly come and go in your life. And if you can find stability in that constant ebb and flow while still moving forward and meeting new people, you can have yourself a very good time.
How to Overcome When She’s Not Sexually Available
The only way to overcome discrepancies in sexual availability is to have both timing and location in your favor. And occasionally even then it won’t be enough. Women – just like people in general – like to have consistency and patterns in their life. And some girls won’t even break a comfortable and consistent pattern for a new, higher value man unless he absolutely blows her away (if you follow this site, you can be such a man).
And even then, the situations can be tricky because females also like to avoid confrontation (with males). And having to break off a consistent hookup for the sake of forming a new one is a massive source of potential conflict.
So if you find yourself in one of these situations, don’t be frustrated. Oftentimes you did everything exactly right. Oftentimes the girl will even tell you how attracted to you she is. But if she doesn’t want to go through the trouble of making you the main sexual conduit of her life, there’s nothing you can do about it. Just know that you did well, and that there is always an infinite spring of women to draw from.
Sexual availability is an important concept to understand for intermediate and advanced guys – particularly in the West. Women have so many men constantly vying for their attention – and their bodies – and they will nearly always go for the man who treats them well enough and makes it easy for them to get what they need.
Sometimes that’s you. Sometimes it’s not. But if you understand that fact, you’ll be a whole lot happier. And you’ll realize that there are always enough to go around.