What Should Your Standards Be When Picking Up Women?


A note about this article: Many have requested me to write more about sexual prizing (how to use it practically in the field), and I will of course write about that. However, believe it or not, it is a rather complex topic, which means that I need to cover certain basics to form the ground work for a good delivery of “sexual prizing” as a technique. This post is one of those. So do hold on, it will all come with time; I just don’t want to rush into it. Instead, I prefer taking it slow and making sure to cover the necessary basics before delivering the goods. In the long run I believe this will be best for the readers.


Hi everyone. I hope you are all doing great and progressing and enjoying your journey within the art of seduction.

I am first of all truly sorry for being a little inactive these days, as April and May are when I am the busiest during the year. Things should get back to normal after June, when you can expect more participation and articles from me.

Either way, today we will address a topic that is not rocket science to most of us. So to those rocket scientists here, I may be about to disappoint you. However, I believe you will still enjoy this post regardless of it not having any super complicated parts to assemble, because it covers some very important basics.

And basics are important in order to create a good foundation for the more advanced and tricky stuff. The topic of the day will be standards – in other words, your requirements for you to be willing to sleep with a girl.

sexual standards

I will first of all cover what I mean by having standards, then I will further discuss why having standards is good, and finally cover how having standards can effect your outer game and make you appear even more attractive.

It should be pointed out that most of the great seducers out there have standards. Usually, but not always, the better they are (and the greater their options with women), the more standards of some sort they have.

So let us now discuss this topic in depth.


What Does It Mean to Have Standards?

As you will see in this section, what I mean by “having standards” is something a bit more than what many people mean when they discuss “having standards”. I will first of all cover the most common perception of the term, and then I will get into other dimensions of what having standards might mean.

Before I go over those different dimensions though, I would like to point out that we all have our preferences, and from there we have different goals, which means that we will fall for different girls. So I would like to make it clear that this post is not about telling you what to do or whom to date, and that it might better be used as a tool to reflect over what you are looking for in a girl.


Hotness

With “having standards”, the most common thing people think is that it’s about always going for the hottest girls. Very often when I meet men out and about they claim they only go for those really hot girls.

Now, there is absolutely nothing wrong with such an attitude. It is indeed counterintuitive to approach and seduce a girl whom you are not into. It is obvious that seducing a girl who is not really your type looks-wise will not generate as much pleasure as if you’d managed to seduce a girl who was really your type.

Going for girls that fit into your standards will also make the seduction easier, because your subconscious will be more motivated to have sex with her. Biologically speaking, whenever you’re turned on by a person, that mindset will often transfer. We can refer to this as “sexual state transfer”. If your play your cards right, i.e., display a sexual state toward a girl in a cool, sexy way without being needy or creepy, you will most of the time transfer that particular state (your sexual state) and she will in return reflect your sexual state back toward you.

These are the basics of some old school sexual game (and to this I credit the old seduction master Allen Reyes). If a girl turns you on, chances are that you will most likely turn her on as well.

sexual standardsYet one problem that occurs with having “standards” in reference to a girl’s beauty is that many men seek what I would refer to as “social beauty”. A girl that would commonly be accepted as “hot” is socially beautiful. Everyone, at least most of your friends, would agree that she is hot. This is the stereotypically hot girl you see everyone hit on in clubs, the girls you see in magazines, on TV, etc.… To give you an idea, think of a tall thin blonde girl with fake boobs and a Jessica Alba face.

Let’s look at an example. What is the hottest thing for you? Curvy or slim women? Big ass or small ass? Big boobs or normal boobs? I’d guess that you have different preferences from the next person reading this article.

Now, the problem with these socially beautiful girls is that they are maybe not the girls who make you feel butterflies in your stomach. You might not feel something unique about her. You think she is hot, but that’s basically it. You might not feel any serious drive to chase her.

You don’t necessarily feel biological attraction to her. How often do you fall in love with a girl on a poster or a typical hot girl on TV? Not that often. Oftentimes, your next girlfriend or the next girl you truly fall for looks nothing like them, but she might be even more beautiful!

The reality is that looks are subjective and we all fall for different women. In my opinion, that is a good thing (else we should all fight for the same women!). I have read somewhere (but I warn you that I am no expert here) that within our biology we are all attracted to certain different types of genetic traits. The positive thing is that, whenever you’re “biologically” attracted to a woman, chances are she probably feels the same to you. So going for girls you truly feel butterflies for has a good chance of resulting in something big, sexy, and dirty!

Nature is doing part of the job for us! Embrace it!

So why are so many men saying they have standards, in reference to those “social beauties”? Well there are multiple reasons for that. The first one is that they want to rationalize for themselves why they are not getting laid that night: “I go for quality instead of quantity.” “I am not getting laid tonight because I have high standards.” Most of the time it’s just an excuse for either lack of success or lack of balls to approach the women they want in their lives. But who knows, the women you enjoy might enjoy you too!

The other reason some men say they have such high standards, while chasing “social beauties”, is their egos. They want to show the world that they lay with women who are socially accepted as hot, thus giving themselves as men higher social status. If you are truly seeking social status this way, I respect that, but in my opinion, my sexual satisfaction comes first. And any therapist would agree.

So in other words, sleep with girls whom you, and only you, find attractive. You will not regret it for one second.

However, having standards is more than just being picky when it comes to looks.


Personality

Some men are okay with going home with a girl they find attractive even though she is a total bitch. Personally, I’ve done it, but I don’t do it anymore. In fact, I can’t stand having sex with a girl who annoys the crap out of me.

The more girls I have had sex with, the more I care about how cool she is. There is an old saying that “there is the morning after too”, and that is totally true. Think of having sex with a cool girl, and the next morning you eat together and have a good time. She surely won’t forget that night!

But besides the simple fact that being with people who are cool to you is simply pleasurable, I do think this can affect the ease of the seduction process too. A girl you click with personality-wise will often be easier to have sex with simply because you will feel more comfortable around her.

Being comfortable around the girl gives you balls to proceed. You won’t be as afraid as you would making a move on a bitchy girl. The interaction becomes smoother, you are more confident, more comfortable, and things just flow, as rapport between you two will be created much more easily. So the bottom line is very simple: girls you get along with are your best bet.

However, in my opinion, the importance of personality is a relative thing. It all depends on whether you just want to bang a girl or make her a girlfriend. For one-night stands, personality is not so important as long as you get along well with her. However, when it comes to relationships, her personality is key; she must be a girl you truly enjoy being around. Your personalities obviously need to match.


Logistical Standards

This one is far more important for those of us who just want to bang around. Logistical standards are not so important when it comes to relationships. Yet this is very important when it comes to meeting women in clubs, during social gathering of some sort, and also on the street. In other words, during the pick-up phase, having this type of standard will help you drastically.

What is meant by “logistical standards” is that you expect certain logistics when you meet a woman. For example, you might dislike women with bad logistics. Indeed, I do. I move on from girls with bad logistics, as I consider them a huge waste of time.

For example, I usually only go for girls that live nearby, maybe live alone (so I can get back to their place), and who aren’t out with any orbiters (men who are in love with them whom the girl doesn’t love back), as they can be cockblocks. I would avoid big groups of girls, as these are messy and hard to pull off. I probably would also stay away from girls who are out with only men. And if a girl’s doesn’t like me and is a total bitch, I would probably move on.

Yet I would stick to girls who live nearby and who don’t have any plans for what they are doing afterwards. Girls who are out alone are awesome. Girls with awesome friends are always a bonus too.

Basically, this all has to do with her surroundings and her logistical status. Good logistics makes the whole process of seduction much simpler, while bad logistics will just be a huge hindrance for you. This is why I avoid girls with bad logistics and go for those with good or decent logistics.


Sexual Compatibility

When it comes to defining standards, this is probably one of the most important aspects. Sexual compatibility is all about whether you and a girl match sexually. This is an aspect that people often forget to think about.

How often do you hear people say, “We match so well sexually.” I’d guess not often. Yet sex is the pillar of everything in seduction. Whether you are in a relationship, are friends with benefits, or just are having a bunch of one-night stands, sexual compatibility is the most important thing.

Do you and the girl you are interacting with match in bed? The best way to find out is to talk about sex – what you like, what she likes, and share some stories. Trust me, once you figure out that you and a girl are sexually compatible, i.e., are into similar things when it comes to sex, I promise you that not only will the sex itself be better, but the whole interaction will be much smoother.

sexual standards

It’s also a good way to display sexual prizing – i.e., make women interested in you based on the fact that you are a good lover who can satisfy them sexually. The way that works is that by displaying your sexual compatibility you also communicate that (since you are sexually compatible) you will please her more than anyone else in bed.

Yet it is not only about her, it is also about you. You have sexual desires too that need to be taken care off. So it’s necessary to find women who are on the same boat as you sexually.


Standards Recap

In this post, I have covered different elements of what it means to have standards. Next (probably next week), I plan to write more about how you can use standards as a tool to generate attraction. But for now let us recap what has been discussed in this post.

First of all, having standards is typical for an attractive man. Usually, having standards means that we are requiring a certain beauty from the women we seek. This is what is commonly known as having standards.

This is a good starting point, but we also need to take into consideration her personality. It is not easy to have sex (or even worse, a relationship) with a girl you don’t get along with.

But her logistics matter too. Women you pick up with bad logistics will be difficult to lay. You will scratch your head with these women, because most of the time it doesn’t matter whether or not she is totally into you or not. If the logistics are bad, nothing will happen. So pick up women with good logistics.

And last of all, sexual compatibility. This is key, because sex is the pillar of all erotic relationships. Figure out whether you and her are on the same boat sexually. If you’re not, the chances of you getting laid will be smaller, and if the sex takes place, it will be a bad lay for both of you. If you however are a good match (sexually), the interaction will float, be more exciting, and be full of sexual tension. And when the sex takes place, it will be amazing for both of you.

Until next,

Alek Rolstad

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Comments

Anonymous's picture

Teasing and being the "bad boy" does not work


Whenever I get pretty close to a girl, texting then dating her - it seems to work - however, if I try to tease a bit more, or playing the "bad boy" they seem to get distant and aloof and see me more as a friend. - I think teasing actually puts you into the "friendzone" - while being kinda hard to get and attractive while still being charming and nice will get you a date.
What do you say, Chase?

Anonymous's picture

the Bad Boy


You might be teasing too hard and damaging your attainability with her.

In other words, when you act like the "bad boy" you see in your head, instead of your teasing being playful/fun etc. the whole point here is to show you're a challenge for her and not taking life to seriously, instead it might come off across as you being a dick to her, thereby she doesn't really want to continue the interaction as she isn't enjoying it with you anymore.

So read her body language whilst you tease, and if you've gone too far, build her up again by giving her good emotions (don't pansy foot around her though).
Aim to hit the middle ground with everything brother, push-pull is 50-50.

This is just my humble opinion, take it or leave it :)

David Riley's picture

Good insights


These a great points and too add to this. Some guys get so caught up in being too much of one thing or the other and forget about having fun with a girl on a date. They're sometimes too focused on sex. The key is a guy should never be focused on trying to win a girl over and getting her to like him. He should have the mentality of "maybe she will or maybe she won't". It's important to just have and push for sex, but if it doesn't happen move unto the next one.

Zac's picture

ROLE OF LEVEL OF FEMININE ENERGY IN MATE SELECTION


Thanks Alek for your great thoughts on selection for the preferred type of mate. I thought maybe to add on this BY COPYING AND PASTING THIS ARTICLE, iM NOT MUCH OF A WRITER MYSELF:

You probably have certain "tastes" in women. You might prefer blondes. Or Asian women. Or perhaps you have a special preference for redheads. Your tastes come from many sources: your early childhood experience, cultural influence, and perhaps even your genetics. But one aspect of "taste" has to do with how a woman affects you with her energetics.

Some women are cooling. Being in their company feels like
a cool drink of ice tea on a hot sunny day. You might have referred
to a woman, for instance, who is an "icy blonde" or who
has "cool blue eyes." Other women are hot. They are fiery, tempestuous, and quick
of temper. You might have spoken of a "fiery red-head" or a "hot-blooded Latina."
Of course, not all redheads or Latinas are hot, nor are all blondes cool. Nevertheless, there is something true enough to be said about a woman's "temperature." Most men have a good intuitive sense of the difference between a woman who is cool and soothing and a woman who is hot and exciting, regardless of how they describe it. And this difference has a lot to do with why men have different tastes for women, and why your taste could change over time.

More than simple psychological preference determines your taste. Energy plays a major role. Sometimes you can be with a beautiful woman who just doesn't do it for you. You can see she is beautiful, you can understand why your friends find her attractive, but she just doesn't suit your taste. Different women offer different kinds of feminine energy. And one of the simplest forms of this difference is the difference between hot and cool feminine energy.

To help understand this, you could look at your relationship with food. Some men thrive on hot Mexican peppers or spicy Szechwan food, while other men are healed by soothing and cooling food, like salads, sweets, or milk. And any man's needs for different kinds of food may change over time. The same is true of his needs for feminine energy.

If you are a particularly easygoing man, perhaps a man who has difficulty getting motivated, then a hot woman is probably better for you. Her fiery nature can heat up your system and get you moving. On the other hand, if you tend to be quick tempered and hot yourself, you might find that a more cooling woman heals you and brings a balance to your body and psyche.

Depending on your health, your lifestyle, your work demands, and your emotional state, you may need different types of energy at different times. The important thing is to know there is a difference, so that you can be conscious of the choice you are
making and how it might affect you. You may begin to doubt your current intimate relationship if you don't understand how your needs for feminine energy change. When your life seems dreary and boring, a more spicy and hot woman will probably appeal to you. She will provide you with the fire you are missing. However, when your life is extremely challenging and you feel burnt out, a hot woman might
be too much. You may be more attracted to the soothing gaze and touch of a cool woman.

Imagine you are married to a hot woman. For years you have enjoyed her passion, been amused by her anger, and been delighted by how quickly she responds sexually. Then, your career takes a turn. You begin working with people all day, under a tight deadline. You are dealing with people's emotions and resistance
50 hours a week. You notice that you are sweating most of the day. You are under the gun. Your life has become quite hot, as if you are spending the day in a pressure cooker. You go home to your hot wife. She is rubbing herself all over you, eager to get it on. You feel like relaxing. You tell her you need a few minutes to take it easy, so she changes into her workout clothes and goes to the spa to flex and pump her supple body.

Meanwhile, her best friend comes to visit. You open the door and invite her in the house. She moves so much more slowly than your wife. Her presence seems soothing and relaxing to you, even though she's not the kind of woman you are usually attracted to. The quality of this woman's voice seems so refreshing. She sees you are tired and, because she's known you for years, she asks if she can rub your shoulders. She puts her hands on your shoulders, and, before she even begins to gently massage you, you feel waves of cool, rejuvenating energy pour into your body. You sigh with relief. After a brief massage she says good-bye. She'll come
back and visit your wife another day. Your wife comes back home, full of energy, and she begins bouncing around the house taking care of things. She yells at you for not telling her friend to stay and wait. Then, seeing your fatigue, she apologizes and begins kissing you passionately. Her hands quickly go to your crotch, but you're still thinking about her friend, remembering how refreshing her energy was, wondering
what the heck you're going to do about it. What you should do about it is this: understand what is happening. You used to really enjoy your wife's spicy temperament,but now that you are boiling all day at work, you need to be balanced
by a cooler energy. This doesn't necessarily mean you need to end your marriage. It doesn't necessarily mean you need to have sex with her cool friend. What it means is that you need to find a way to balance your life.

In the end, you must make your own choice. When one man's energy needs change and he finds himself getting the energy he needs from the woman in the office next door —the kind of energy that he isn't getting from his wife—then he might end up having an affair, or getting divorced.

Anonymous's picture

Am fed up WITH REJECTION


FED UP FED UP FED UP. I don't know when I go to a night club and ask girls that I am interested in to dance. I have standards that you mentioned above, and I still fucking get nos all the time. I ask women to dance and it is always no non no0n nono nono nonon. I have no idea what the hell to do

David Riley's picture

Lead Don't Ask


Hey Anon,

It sounds like there is something off in your approach. The main thing is not to ask girls to dance especially in front of their friends. Remember men don't ask they just do. I also kind of wondering how these girls are dancing. Are they dancing or grinding because there's a difference. Also, are these girls just dancing with their friends. I've been to clubs and watched girls dance on each other and reject guys left and right. It was almost like a game.

I always look for girls who are either dancing on their own or talking to girls at the bar. When I did approach girls that were shaking their ass, I actually just walk on them and just started grinding. When they looked around, I didn't flinch. I flashed a cocky smile of "Yeah, I know you fucking want me." They would go for it, and I would dance and finger them until I got bored. When you approach a girl like this you have to be smooth. Don't pinch her or step on her. I would also say your clothes are key too, don't approach looking like a bum. Stay cool, and you'll get a dance. I would also suggest noticing girls who notice you dancing alone on the floor. Act like you fucking on the club and you're having a great time.

Take care,

Just Dave

Anonymous's picture

physical defect


Chase..I have a problem meeting women because I have a condition called strabismus. It is an eye condition where one of my eyes turns inward, and this prevents me from meeting and approaching women because I'm afraid that they won't take me seriously or that they will be ashamed being seen by the public talking to someone who has physical deformity. and also that other male competitors will hit me using my condition to get women off of me. Please help me Chase.

Chris Lydon's picture

Physical Defect


Hello Anon,

I am not Chase, nor do I imagine I have had anywhere near his level of success with the ladies, but I feel like I can give you at least somewhat of an answer.

You have a disability, and this has caused you to be ashamed, lose confidence, and even be a target of other guy's jokes.

This is a disability you were born with, and it's not going to go away one day. So you need to do one thing.

You need to take this disability and OWN it.

You need to find a way to get your mind in a place so it's not "I have strabismus, I'm hopeless," but rather, "I have strabismus, and so fucking what? I do the things I want to do. I live the life I want to live. I go for the things that I WANT to go for."

(And who knows? Maybe you can even come up with ways to make fun of yourself a bit, in a non-demeaning way of course, but that can be a huge defense. It's hard for someone to make fun of you for something, when you can already make fun of it yourself and show you don't care.)

If you are unconfident because of your eye, it will show. If you are confident in spite of it, this will also show. And someone who owns their life, disabilities be damned, is going to have FAR more success.

In fact, if you are absolutely confident in spite of your eye, that can be a huge turn on to women as well. Confidence is such a key to women. And confidence is something any man can have if they choose to, regardless of how they look.

That's my opinion on the matter. I worked with children with tons of different types of disabilities in my life, and one thing we are sure to imprint on them is that they can never use their disability as an excuse.

They are all much happier and lead more successful lives because of it.

All the best to you.

Chase Amante's picture

Defects


Hey Anon-

Second the advice you've got from Chris here.

I have various things I used to be varying levels of embarrassed about physically - scars on my shoulders, a birthmark on my leg, crooked teeth, etc. Nothing as noticeable as strabismus, but all things that I used to fret about tons before I was doing much approaching.

What I found once I was going up and talking to girls is that nobody cares.

Or, well, I'm sure SOME girls care. There are probably some I meet at the beach who see my pale skin and bit of stomach paunch / no abs and scars on my shoulders and birthmark or whatever and go, "Ew." But they're never going to tell you "ew", it just won't click with them. And there are other girls I meet there who are immediately interested. In the back of your mind, you can be thinking, "Um, WHY is she this interested? Did she not notice my [random defect]?" But if you act confident and nonchalant and totally normal, either she doesn't notice or she doesn't care.

The best advice here is just go out and start meeting women. The instant you realize that at least some of the time, you get women who respond really well to you, you're going to largely stop caring about having one eye pointing slightly away from the other and you'll just go out and find the girls who don't care either.

I can say on the other hand, too, I've met girls with random weird defects and didn't pay them much mind - scars, birthmarks, etc. - if we otherwise clicked really well. One girlfriend of mine had these really short thumbs that looked more like toes than thumbs. Apparently it ran in her family. But everything else about her was amazing so I didn't really pay attention to it, and neither did any of the scads of men she had constantly chasing after her at all times either.

If the whole package is awesome, many times the individual defects become rather invisible (or at least far less noticeable).

Chase

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