What Should Your Standards Be When Picking Up Women?
Friday, 9 May 2014
A note about this article: Many have requested me to write more about sexual prizing (how to use it practically in the field), and I will of course write about that. However, believe it or not, it is a rather complex topic, which means that I need to cover certain basics to form the ground work for a good delivery of “sexual prizing” as a technique. This post is one of those. So do hold on, it will all come with time; I just don’t want to rush into it. Instead, I prefer taking it slow and making sure to cover the necessary basics before delivering the goods. In the long run I believe this will be best for the readers.
Hi everyone. I hope you are all doing great and progressing and enjoying your journey within the art of seduction.
I am first of all truly sorry for being a little inactive these days, as April and May are when I am the busiest during the year. Things should get back to normal after June, when you can expect more participation and articles from me.
Either way, today we will address a topic that is not rocket science to most of us. So to those rocket scientists here, I may be about to disappoint you. However, I believe you will still enjoy this post regardless of it not having any super complicated parts to assemble, because it covers some very important basics.
And basics are important in order to create a good foundation for the more advanced and tricky stuff. The topic of the day will be standards – in other words, your requirements for you to be willing to sleep with a girl.
I will first of all cover what I mean by having standards, then I will further discuss why having standards is good, and finally cover how having standards can effect your outer game and make you appear even more attractive.
It should be pointed out that most of the great seducers out there have standards. Usually, but not always, the better they are (and the greater their options with women), the more standards of some sort they have.
So let us now discuss this topic in depth.
What Does It Mean to Have Standards?
As you will see in this section, what I mean by “having standards” is something a bit more than what many people mean when they discuss “having standards”. I will first of all cover the most common perception of the term, and then I will get into other dimensions of what having standards might mean.
Before I go over those different dimensions though, I would like to point out that we all have our preferences, and from there we have different goals, which means that we will fall for different girls. So I would like to make it clear that this post is not about telling you what to do or whom to date, and that it might better be used as a tool to reflect over what you are looking for in a girl.
With “having standards”, the most common thing people think is that it’s about always going for the hottest girls. Very often when I meet men out and about they claim they only go for those really hot girls.
Now, there is absolutely nothing wrong with such an attitude. It is indeed counterintuitive to approach and seduce a girl whom you are not into. It is obvious that seducing a girl who is not really your type looks-wise will not generate as much pleasure as if you’d managed to seduce a girl who was really your type.
Going for girls that fit into your standards will also make the seduction easier, because your subconscious will be more motivated to have sex with her. Biologically speaking, whenever you’re turned on by a person, that mindset will often transfer. We can refer to this as “sexual state transfer”. If your play your cards right, i.e., display a sexual state toward a girl in a cool, sexy way without being needy or creepy, you will most of the time transfer that particular state (your sexual state) and she will in return reflect your sexual state back toward you.
These are the basics of some old school sexual game (and to this I credit the old seduction master Allen Reyes). If a girl turns you on, chances are that you will most likely turn her on as well.
Yet one problem that occurs with having “standards” in reference to a girl’s beauty is that many men seek what I would refer to as “social beauty”. A girl that would commonly be accepted as “hot” is socially beautiful. Everyone, at least most of your friends, would agree that she is hot. This is the stereotypically hot girl you see everyone hit on in clubs, the girls you see in magazines, on TV, etc.… To give you an idea, think of a tall thin blonde girl with fake boobs and a Jessica Alba face.
Let’s look at an example. What is the hottest thing for you? Curvy or slim women? Big ass or small ass? Big boobs or normal boobs? I’d guess that you have different preferences from the next person reading this article.
Now, the problem with these socially beautiful girls is that they are maybe not the girls who make you feel butterflies in your stomach. You might not feel something unique about her. You think she is hot, but that’s basically it. You might not feel any serious drive to chase her.
You don’t necessarily feel biological attraction to her. How often do you fall in love with a girl on a poster or a typical hot girl on TV? Not that often. Oftentimes, your next girlfriend or the next girl you truly fall for looks nothing like them, but she might be even more beautiful!
The reality is that looks are subjective and we all fall for different women. In my opinion, that is a good thing (else we should all fight for the same women!). I have read somewhere (but I warn you that I am no expert here) that within our biology we are all attracted to certain different types of genetic traits. The positive thing is that, whenever you’re “biologically” attracted to a woman, chances are she probably feels the same to you. So going for girls you truly feel butterflies for has a good chance of resulting in something big, sexy, and dirty!
Nature is doing part of the job for us! Embrace it!
So why are so many men saying they have standards, in reference to those “social beauties”? Well there are multiple reasons for that. The first one is that they want to rationalize for themselves why they are not getting laid that night: “I go for quality instead of quantity.” “I am not getting laid tonight because I have high standards.” Most of the time it’s just an excuse for either lack of success or lack of balls to approach the women they want in their lives. But who knows, the women you enjoy might enjoy you too!
The other reason some men say they have such high standards, while chasing “social beauties”, is their egos. They want to show the world that they lay with women who are socially accepted as hot, thus giving themselves as men higher social status. If you are truly seeking social status this way, I respect that, but in my opinion, my sexual satisfaction comes first. And any therapist would agree.
So in other words, sleep with girls whom you, and only you, find attractive. You will not regret it for one second.
However, having standards is more than just being picky when it comes to looks.
Some men are okay with going home with a girl they find attractive even though she is a total bitch. Personally, I’ve done it, but I don’t do it anymore. In fact, I can’t stand having sex with a girl who annoys the crap out of me.
The more girls I have had sex with, the more I care about how cool she is. There is an old saying that “there is the morning after too”, and that is totally true. Think of having sex with a cool girl, and the next morning you eat together and have a good time. She surely won’t forget that night!
But besides the simple fact that being with people who are cool to you is simply pleasurable, I do think this can affect the ease of the seduction process too. A girl you click with personality-wise will often be easier to have sex with simply because you will feel more comfortable around her.
Being comfortable around the girl gives you balls to proceed. You won’t be as afraid as you would making a move on a bitchy girl. The interaction becomes smoother, you are more confident, more comfortable, and things just flow, as rapport between you two will be created much more easily. So the bottom line is very simple: girls you get along with are your best bet.
However, in my opinion, the importance of personality is a relative thing. It all depends on whether you just want to bang a girl or make her a girlfriend. For one-night stands, personality is not so important as long as you get along well with her. However, when it comes to relationships, her personality is key; she must be a girl you truly enjoy being around. Your personalities obviously need to match.
This one is far more important for those of us who just want to bang around. Logistical standards are not so important when it comes to relationships. Yet this is very important when it comes to meeting women in clubs, during social gathering of some sort, and also on the street. In other words, during the pick-up phase, having this type of standard will help you drastically.
What is meant by “logistical standards” is that you expect certain logistics when you meet a woman. For example, you might dislike women with bad logistics. Indeed, I do. I move on from girls with bad logistics, as I consider them a huge waste of time.
For example, I usually only go for girls that live nearby, maybe live alone (so I can get back to their place), and who aren’t out with any orbiters (men who are in love with them whom the girl doesn’t love back), as they can be cockblocks. I would avoid big groups of girls, as these are messy and hard to pull off. I probably would also stay away from girls who are out with only men. And if a girl’s doesn’t like me and is a total bitch, I would probably move on.
Yet I would stick to girls who live nearby and who don’t have any plans for what they are doing afterwards. Girls who are out alone are awesome. Girls with awesome friends are always a bonus too.
Basically, this all has to do with her surroundings and her logistical status. Good logistics makes the whole process of seduction much simpler, while bad logistics will just be a huge hindrance for you. This is why I avoid girls with bad logistics and go for those with good or decent logistics.
When it comes to defining standards, this is probably one of the most important aspects. Sexual compatibility is all about whether you and a girl match sexually. This is an aspect that people often forget to think about.
How often do you hear people say, “We match so well sexually.” I’d guess not often. Yet sex is the pillar of everything in seduction. Whether you are in a relationship, are friends with benefits, or just are having a bunch of one-night stands, sexual compatibility is the most important thing.
Do you and the girl you are interacting with match in bed? The best way to find out is to talk about sex – what you like, what she likes, and share some stories. Trust me, once you figure out that you and a girl are sexually compatible, i.e., are into similar things when it comes to sex, I promise you that not only will the sex itself be better, but the whole interaction will be much smoother.
It’s also a good way to display sexual prizing – i.e., make women interested in you based on the fact that you are a good lover who can satisfy them sexually. The way that works is that by displaying your sexual compatibility you also communicate that (since you are sexually compatible) you will please her more than anyone else in bed.
Yet it is not only about her, it is also about you. You have sexual desires too that need to be taken care off. So it’s necessary to find women who are on the same boat as you sexually.
In this post, I have covered different elements of what it means to have standards. Next (probably next week), I plan to write more about how you can use standards as a tool to generate attraction. But for now let us recap what has been discussed in this post.
First of all, having standards is typical for an attractive man. Usually, having standards means that we are requiring a certain beauty from the women we seek. This is what is commonly known as having standards.
This is a good starting point, but we also need to take into consideration her personality. It is not easy to have sex (or even worse, a relationship) with a girl you don’t get along with.
But her logistics matter too. Women you pick up with bad logistics will be difficult to lay. You will scratch your head with these women, because most of the time it doesn’t matter whether or not she is totally into you or not. If the logistics are bad, nothing will happen. So pick up women with good logistics.
And last of all, sexual compatibility. This is key, because sex is the pillar of all erotic relationships. Figure out whether you and her are on the same boat sexually. If you’re not, the chances of you getting laid will be smaller, and if the sex takes place, it will be a bad lay for both of you. If you however are a good match (sexually), the interaction will float, be more exciting, and be full of sexual tension. And when the sex takes place, it will be amazing for both of you.
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