Meeting and attracting members of the opposite sex.

The Sexual Reframe, Part I: Reprogram Her Desires

sexual reframe
The sexual reframe lets you take innocent behaviors and make them sexual. To pull this off, you need three (3) requirements in place first.

In the era we live right now – an era of rampant debauchery and staggering amounts of casual sex, in which everybody is “doing it” or at least making an effort to join in the fun – one night stands, no-strings-attached sex, and friends-with-benefits relationships are not only supported, they’re encouraged.

Especially if, like me, you’re a young man in a somewhat stressful environment like a university... let’s just say that everybody tends to start looking for a way to relieve that sexual energy every now and again. All that pent-up tension has to go somewhere.

You might wonder... in this day and age, with such “loose morals” and lowered levels of anti-slut defense, what’s the point of a sexual frame? Sure it’s a technique that has already been discussed here at length, and by default these days, you might think: “Well, if we’re both attracted to each other, then sex is on the table and will most likely happen in due course.” And you’re right. In most dating situations in North America, Europe, and beyond... there’s much less need for setting an actual “sexual frame” with a girl. More and more these days, girls will happily go to bed with you so long as you present yourself as a sexy man. But if you’d like to take things further, then this might be the article for you.

Please allow me to re-introduce a concept that my buddy Alek Rolstad wowed the seduction community with back in the late 2000’s. It’s called the sexual reframe. It’s also a technique that another master seducer, Ricardus Domino, has been using for almost a decade. And after setting aside time for intensive practice... I’ve been able to use this technique consistently.

Tactics Tuesdays: How to Sidestep Unnecessary Confrontations

What do you do when a girl tests you and you’re suddenly out of your depth? Sidestep! The sidestep lets you avoid all manner of traps, snares, and pitfalls.

The sidestep: it’s an incredibly powerful move and the antidote for a lot of men’s problems when facing resistance.

When a man encounters a wall in a conversation or with a girl, his first reaction is either to give up or to push past the resistance. The flaw in giving up is obvious: neither of you win. You don’t show up to play the game, and it’s over.

The flaw with pushing past resistance is that most guys do it in a needy or overly aggressive way.

They concede to her way of thinking and find a way to please her or assuage her concern.

Or, if they do choose to face her frame head to head, they attempt to strong-arm her emotions at a much more severe emotional level than that at which she resisted. Their brute conversational force scares her off.

Instead, when a man faces resistance, he should consider sidestepping or moving around the obstacle rather than wrestling against it, which usually leaves either your two egos broken.

Parry her loving strikes.

But before we get into the how-to, allow me to illustrate how badly you can embarrass yourself when you try to outmaneuver a much more dominant and socially savvy girl... By sharing with you perhaps one of my most shameful stories.

Congruence, Psychology, and Taking a Girl Home 5 Minutes After Hello

congruence psychology
Congruence is a term in psychology that refers to a state where your self and your behavior align. This leads to crazy success in dating.

How many “techniques” have guys ever used to get women?

Some guys take a very smooth, suave approach – a little James Bond mixed with Danny Ocean.

Others take a “Van Wilder” approach and try to amp up a girl’s emotions, making her have so much fun that her logical, self-judging mind turns off, and sex just happens.

Others, me included, like to take a “gorilla game” approach, and just approach every girl as decisively and directly as possible, initiating physical contact as early as is appropriate.

There are a ton of different strategies when it comes to getting girls, and those are just a few. But which one is the best? Some would argue the merits of push-pull game, others claim that providing a witty and charming conversation takes the cake, while others insist that confidence is key. What I would say is this: these are all very good approaches to getting women, and they all have their merits. Some strategies will work better than others – depending on the situation.

If you’re at that posh new nightclub in LA, or at Surrender in Las Vegas for your yearly bachelor’s trip, using “James Bond” game might not be the best idea. If you’re at a high-end business networking meeting, emulating “Van Wilder” might network your ass right to the curb. But regardless of the location and style of game you prefer, there is one underlying principle that is more important than ANY strategy or technique.

That principle, of course, is congruence.

Tactics Tuesdays: Do You Eject from Dates or Pickups Too Soon?

eject too soon
You’ve met a girl, it’s going fine, and then you just... Eject, too soon. You leave too early. You beat yourself up about it later – but what could you have done then?

Want a simple way to get more success out of your dates, courtships, pickups, etc.?

Here it is: don’t eject so fast.

Early ejection plagues beginners in seduction. And the wound is a self-inflicted one.

This sound at all familiar?:

You got up the nerve to approach a girl. She’s cute. Real cute. Your heart rate is going 200 beats per minute. And it’s going okay. She smiled when you walked up, she said “hello”, and now she’s responding to your questions and asking you some back. You make a light joke and she laughs. Yet the pressure just builds and builds. Finally, you excuse yourself: “All right, well, it was nice to meet you!” And then you leave.

You didn’t ask her out; you didn’t take her phone number. Things were going okay, but then you bailed. You had to hit the eject button.

Why does this happen? Well, fear, mostly.

What can you do about it? Well, we’re going to talk about that.

How Screening Game (Sniper Game) Compares to Traditional Game

screening game
Screening game or sniper game is targeting your approach to girls who seem open to you. It has pros over traditional game – but also cons.

Hi. I hope you are doing great. Today I will discuss a new trend that I have seen in this community – a new trend when it comes to approaching girls. Trends come and go in this community, and the latest is situated around what is referred to as screening game.

Now, it doesn’t matter whether or not you have dived deep into this community and learned about the trends – maybe you are just a simple reader or maybe a new reader. I will make sure you get what “screening game” (also called “sniper game”) is. It is a pretty cool form of game. I will list the pros and cons of it and compare it to standard traditional non-screening game... Before I talk about what I personally prefer and like to do when I am meeting women.

Before I begin, I just want to let you know that both styles I will discuss in this article work pretty well, and it is all a matter of personal preference. I do believe, however, that it is key to at least get a grasp on both styles – and preferably learn both.

3 Ways to Make a Bitchy Girl Submit

bitchy girl
She isn’t always a bitch. And she will warm up... For the right guy. To melt the freeze around her heart, get ready to pull your pickaxe out.

I love bitchy women.

They’re tough, sassy, sexy, and some of the best allies once you have them on your side. Some men make the mistake of either submitting to a woman’s ferocity or getting butt-hurt. The former category of men become orbiters and earn from her only disgust. The latter become manosphere advocates and misogynists who travel to more “conservative” countries in search of “traditional women” to marry.

Both are reactions of fear rather than strength and love. I suggest an alternative path to dealing with bitchiness: ravish her whirlwinds of anger like a titan. Then, when the storm dies and you and she are still standing, ravish her or anyone around who has been witness to your strength.

Here are three ways to do that, starting with my favorite.

Tactics Tuesdays: How and When to Change Venues on a Date or Pickup

change venues
If you need to move things along on a date or in a pickup but it’s too soon to take her home, often the next best option is to change venues.

At times you’ll have things going well with a girl, but not well enough yet you’re ready to take her home. Even still, you reach one of those moments in the courtship where, like it or not, you’ve got to move her.

Moving her around in the same venue won’t work at this point. It works terrific early on, but you’re too far along for it now and it’ll feel like you’re treading water... or even going backwards.

You need movement, but you can’t stay there. And you can’t take her home. So what can you do?

You change venues. One venue to another venue.

The venue change is a handy tool in both dates and pickups. It’s a vital element of instant dates, structured dates, and often many guys’ one-night stand processes. But it’s also a tactic rife with potential to drop the ball.

Take her to the wrong place, and you kill the vibe.

Fail to handle the transition well, and you kill the vibe.

Misread her desires and change venues when she really wanted you to just take her home, and you risk missing the escalation window, and kill the vibe.

So let’s arm you with a few tools to let you read her right, take her to the right spot, and make your venue change as likely to lead to a pull home at the end of your date or pickup as anything else.

9 Things that Make You a Total Buzzkill to Other People

Make the wrong social move, and you’re a buzzkill no one wants to be around. There are nine (9) such wrong moves, including bad topics, zero confidence, and talking over the other party.

A reader asks:

Chase, could you write about things that turn you into a buzzkill around people? I read your article on how to overcome depression and I’m currently working hard to get myself out that rut. But sometimes when I’m around people I turn into buzz killington without even knowing it. What are the things I can consciously do to hide my depression?

It’s a great question.

This site’s about pulling yourself up by the bootstraps, self-improvement, and doing better. Various guys start out at various places. Some guys start out dealing with depression or saddled with victim mentality. Either of these can make you a downer in conversation who sends others running in the opposite direction.

Or even if these aren’t your particular afflictions and you’re content with life, you still may have behaviors you’ve picked up somewhere that inadvertently make you a total buzzkill to other people... Without even realizing you’re doing it.

So, to help you be a more pleasant interlocutor and allow you to rack up positive conversational reference points all the faster, I’ve compiled a list of nine (9) things that serve to kill the buzz any time you use them in a conversation with other people.

Stamp these behaviors out of your repartee repertoire, and you’ll notice people start to like you a whole lot more, more girls say “yes” when you ask them out, and more of the folks you meet want to see you again and include you in what they’re doing.

Here’s our list.

Attract Her Harder with the NLP Contrast Technique

attract her
When you contrast yourself with unattractive men, you attract her more. The key lies in how you highlight their traits versus yours.

Hello everyone. I hope you are doing great. Today I will share another NLP-based technique that you can use to trigger attraction and to make women perceive you as the right guy – for her.

What if you could contrast yourself against all the boring girls a guy meets, and be that much more delicious for her? Wouldn’t that do awesome things for your ability to attract her (and your success rates from those attractions)?

Many men get kind of scared when they see NLP-based material like what I’ll give you today, but I promise you that this technique is actually pretty simple. In addition, this technique that I am about to share is rather risk-free. There’s very little chance it backfires on you.

Worst-case scenario, it won’t work as well as you expect. But I will tell you, the results for me from this technique have consistently been amazing. This is a technique I use a lot when I go out to meet women, and it helps speed up the process.

I will first get straight to what the technique is, then I will explain the mechanism and discuss briefly when one can use it. I will later share some examples in order to make sure you get an idea of how this works.

How to Pick Up Girls in Lounges

pick up girls in lounges
Once you know how to pick up girls in lounges, you’ll find they’re some of the best places for this. More quiet, fewer distractions, and more intimacy make things easier for you.

I discussed night game in general in my 2013 essay “How to Pick Up Girls in Bars and Clubs.” This time around, I’ll detail how to pick up girls in lounges.

What is a lounge?

A lounge is a dark nighttime venue that plays subdued, rhythmic music.

The music isn’t the type you’d go nuts dancing to, or sing along with. It exists to create a background, rather than be the main event itself.

I’ve always liked lounges because I’m not a dance floor guy. Dance clubs and dance bars feature dance as the main event here. People lose themselves in the music and merge into the tribe. A large part of success picking up girls in these venues comes down to how you position yourself in the social hierarchy. Are you a sexy jock? The consummate party guy? Nightclub promoter? What’s your rank within this tribe?

Lounges have a lot less of the tribal element. You can still find tribes within them – like groups of people there to listen to a certain DJ, for instance. But even these tribes tend to be open to outsiders, and take themselves less seriously.

A lounge makes it easier to talk and seduce your way into bed with her. There’re fewer distractions to pull her away from you, and her friends care less about whether you’re part of the tribe (and what rank). Girls cockblock least in lounges, and help you sleep with their friends most here. Lounges are the venues you’re most likely to start hitting it off with a girl, and then her friends just leave the two of you alone to do... Whatever you want to do.

Nonetheless, there are standard elements to lounge pick ups it helps to know. In this article, I’ll show you what those are and how to pull them off... So you can take things from conversation to copulation.

So, let’s talk about how to pick up a girl in a lounge.