What Does She Want? The 8 Things You Must Ask Her


what does she wantEarly in my seduction career, I studied everything I could from the guys I considered the "top guys" who'd come before me. But I especially focused on the guys who really good were but who didn't know how to market themselves... essentially, the hidden gems of seduction.

What I realized was that the mainstream school of thought on picking up women was almost as dogmatic as mainstream society itself; while mainstream society believed in:

The pickup community at the time I entered also had its own tenets, chiefly:

  • Follow the 3-second rule of approaching
  • Seductions must unfold over 7+ hours
  • You must be impressive and show higher value
  • You must follow a "method" - certain steps and procedures, routines, etc.
  • Fast seductions were "fools mates" and only happened with "easy" women

Which to me seemed a definite step up and an improvement from what mainstream society preaches, but... it still seemed a bit too limiting and contrived.

Why do you need some complicated procedure to "show your value" to women? Why do you have to go through some whole song and dance just to get girls?

I ended up searching out unconventional teachers and older guys in the community who'd largely vanished from the main forums and hang outs, convinced I could learn the things from them that the rest of the devotees of the social and seductive arts seemed not to know.

And by and large, I did.

And one of the greatest lessons I learned from these studies was how to find out the answer to the question "what does she want?" using a forgotten technique its originator called "eliciting values."

I'm going to teach you that technique today.


what does she want

Both mainstream society and the pickup community share one common flaw in how they think about women: that women are all the same.

That they all think the same ways, and want the same things.

That their emotions respond identically to identical stimuli.

That their buttons can all be pushed to the same effect, if pushed the same way.

And it's not true.

Not by a long shot.

Here's what I mean -

Take a look again at some typical advice from mainstream society:

What's this assume? Well, it assumes that, no matter WHO you are or WHAT you're like or WHAT any particular woman may want or need or require in her life at any particular time, women universally:

  • Do not like men who are jerks
  • Do not like men who move fast
  • Do not like men striving to be more than they are
  • Do not like men who don't pay for them on dates
  • Will not engage in sex with men prior to the third date

Meanwhile, take a look again at some typical advice from the pickup community:

  • Follow the 3-second rule of approaching
  • Seductions must unfold over 7+ hours
  • You must be impressive and show higher value
  • You must follow a "method" - certain steps and procedures, routines, etc.
  • Fast seductions were "fools mates" and only happened with "easy" women

What's this assume? Well, this advice assumes that, once again, no matter WHO you are or WHAT you're like or WHAT any particular woman may want or need or require in her life at any particular time, women universally:

  • Lose interest in all men who take longer than 3 seconds to say "hello"
  • Are slow to warm up to men, and require time to become comfortable with them
  • Are not interested in men until those men show them why they should be
  • Are difficult to get, so you need a highly systematized procedure to get them
  • Will not engage in sex with men earlier than 7 hours in (unless it's a "fools mate")

Both sets of advice share the same core assumption: that women are all the same and all want the same things.

Which is baloney.

Think about a man. Are there men out there who want nothing but a sex partner as fast as possible? How about men out there who want a committed long term relationship? How about men who want romance and adventure? How about men who want... anything?

Sure. You know there are.

Well guess what? The same is true for women.

And when you limit yourself to a core set of beliefs of "Women won't do this" and "Women always do that," you also limit your success with them - to only the women who want what you think they want.


What Does She Want? Well, It Depends

Further, both the mainstream and the standard pickup approaches forget that it depends.

A long time ago, in management training school at my first real job, I learned the management adage that "The correct response to every question in management is the answer, 'It Depends.'"

What does it depend on?

In the case of women, when you're asking yourself, "What does she want?" the question depends primarily on two things:

  • Her, and
  • You.

Let me give you an example.

Take Cassie. Cassie's an ordinary, run-of-the-mill girl. She's pretty, she did well in school, and now she's 23 years old, totally single, and working at her first post-graduation job. Imagine now that Cassie meets four different men, and ask yourself what she wants from each of them:

  • A really nice guy who texts her all the time to talk and goes shopping with her
  • A charming, suave man she meets who has a good career and is fun to be with
  • An older, fatherly gentleman who's her boss at work and gives her good advice
  • A saucy, edgy rock musician who plays in a local band at some of the local bars

What's she want from each of these guys? Is it the same thing... or could it be different?

Yeah, of course - obviously it's going to be different.

You don't need to take 4 years of women's studies to figure that out.

Now, if you know a thing or two about what women want, you'll know that for Cassie, our Average Jane, it isn't just somewhat different things she wants from each of these men, but often the fact is she wants some very different things from each of them:

  • She wants to just be friends with the nice guy she talks and shops with
  • She wants a relationship with the charming guy she likes who has a good job
  • She wants her advice-giving boss as a platonic supporter and father figure
  • She wants to hook up with the exciting, edgy rock musician, no strings attached

Why? Why does what she want differ for each of these men?

It's because they have different things to offer her.

The friendly guy's greatest value to her is as a friend.

The charming guy with a good job has potential to be a great boyfriend.

The boss's largest source of value to her life is as an advice-giving supporter.

And the rock musician's greatest value to her life is as an exciting hook up.

She's not going to get very excited about sex with the platonic guy friend or boss, after all... in fact, she'll cringe at the very thought of it! Conversely, she might be excited about sleeping with the charming guy... BUT, she doesn't want to risk losing what could be a great shot at a great relationship for something as trivial as a roll in the hay, so she'll make him wait, and try and get a relationship. The rock musician, on the other hand, she'd really enjoy sleeping with him, but if he wants to keep seeing her afterward he might find it doesn't last long, because he simply doesn't have much to offer an upwardly mobile career woman like herself aside from some cheap thrills and good sex.

One woman. Four different men. Four different things she wants from each of them.

what does she want

Now, some questions to put this all in perspective. Let's say each of these four men would really like to date Cassie and have her as his girlfriend. Riddle me this:

  1. Of the four men, which is best served by the mainstream advice - you know, "Be yourself, don't move too fast, pay for her on dates," etc.? If you said "the boyfriend prospect"... you'd be right!

  2. And of the four men, which is best served by the pickup community advice - you know, "Show higher value, get 7+ hours of face and talk time with her, follow the method and do the right things," etc.? Again... it's the boyfriend prospect, isn't it?

Imagine the friend, boss, or rock musician trying to "just be themselves," take three dates before they do anything, and pay for dates for Cassie. The first two get written off as not attractive enough, and the third gets written off as not being nearly as sexy or dominant as she thought he was.

And it's the exact same story for the pickup community advice.

Both lines of recommendations - mainstream and pickup - would have you prove your worth to her; show her, over a series of time, why YOU measure up better as a prospective boyfriend than any other contender... why you BLOW the competition out of the water.

And unless you're Superman - unless you really are charming, and suave, and on-point, and you've got a great job, and do everything right - the only women you're going to get with either of these recommendations regularly are going to be women who are beneath what you should be getting in terms of looks, intellect, ambition, and personality.

The purpose of advice is supposed to be helping you to get past the competition. But both of these paths just tell you to assume all women are the same, all women want the same thing out of every man they meet, and to just wade in there and try to be the shiniest object in every category possible.

Whereas the whole time instead, you could've just asked yourself, "What does she want - really?" then become that, and skipped the competition entirely.


what does she want

I mentioned earlier something I learned in management training. Well, here's something I learned in sales.

When I was new to sales, we learned about the four sales archetypes:

  • Driver
  • Analytical
  • Expressive
  • Amiable

Each of these archetypes has a different way of interacting with the salesman:

  1. Drivers are very direct, speak loudly and firmly, and only want to know "what" something will do... they just want a basic answer, and don't want to get bogged down with details.

  2. Analyticals, in contrast to drivers, want to know every little detail about a thing; how's it work, how long will it work for, what happens if it doesn't work, what are its ratings in this area and that area and the other area, how long is the warranty for, what's the warranty cover, etc. They're logical, methodical, and highly detail-oriented.

  3. Expressives don't care so much about the product, per se - what they care about is YOU! They want to talk, bond, and form a connection - it's all about the human touch for them.

  4. Amiables are the ones who just want everybody to get along. They're soft spoken, meek, and humble, and they aren't comfortable saying "no." Instead, they'll say "yes," and then just not do something if they don't want to do it. They are, in a word, agreeable.

And what would you think is the best sales tactic for each of these personality types?

Using the same sales strategy with each one?

Hardly.

It turns out that each disposition responds best to a salesman who ALSO has that disposition.

And in sales training, they teach you how to recognize these four personality types... and how to quickly assume their characteristics yourself to best sell to the prospect.

If he's analytical, hit him with details; make him feel like he understands every nuance of the product. If he's expressive, get to know him; make small talk, make conversation, and make him feel connected. If he's amiable, just be nice, and don't be too loud. And if he's driver, DO be loud, and be direct, and DON'T crowd him with details. Just tell him what it is, how much it is, and ask him if he wants to get started.

And women are just like this.


Becoming the Mirror

Women are highly socially attuned creatures. Much of the time, they serve as "mirrors" to the individuals around them, because this is how you bond and connect at a social level.

Essentially, a woman will normally quickly find out what you expect of women in general, and if she likes you and wants to keep you around her, she will become that around you.

So, if you think that women are all chaste little angels and that women who sleep with men quickly are horrible dirty sluts, a girl will quickly pick up on signs of this from you and she will act for all the world like a chaste little angel and have you believe that she is, even if, were you to ever find out her real history, or how many partners she'd had, or her true feelings about sex, you might well relegate her to your "Horrible Dirty Sluts" bin.

Conversely, if you think that women are wild crazy naughty things by default, and overly conservative women are more like nuns than girls, if a girl likes you she's going to show you this side of her personality as much as possible, even if she isn't exactly the wildest of the wild bunch.

Women are mirrors because it helps them attain their objectives with men, which are several fold:

  1. Not suffer reputation damage that could impede future mating
  2. Keep sufficient male support from diverse enough men as a survival mechanism
  3. Find men to fulfill mating and relationship roles

They go in that order of importance. If a woman risks suffering reputation damage by being honest with you, she will not be honest with you. This means, if you're judgmental, you won't get the full story because you can't be trusted not to think poorly of her, and make her feel bad, or spread rumors about her to others.

If you're safe from causing reputation damage but you offer her enough support (see: "Can I Help You?"), her top priority becomes securing that support from you.

If you're no threat to her reputation, don't offer her much or anything support-wise, but do offer her reproductive value, then the doors are open to you for fast intimacy.

And depending on which stage you fall in, you'll see a different side of each woman.

  1. Reputation risk: she'll act like the penultimate good girl around you, and chances are you'll never be more than just friends.

  2. No reputation risk, but offer plenty of non-sexual value to her life: she'll act like a charming girl, coy and conservative, to keep you intrigued but at arms length, to make sure she has a steady supply of the value you provide without mixing sex (a risk factor for having things blow up and her losing your value) into it.

  3. No reputation risk, not much non-sexual value on offer, lots of sexual value offered: she'll be direct, blunt, short with you; or entranced, enamored, and affectionate with you; or, if she's inexperienced, very nervous and excited with you.

But of course, that's all in how she reflects back to you what she sees in you. Obviously, you want to get her to #3 to have the best chance of getting together with her (and after you've slept with her, you can always start dialing up the non-sexual value offered to her as well if you want to move into a boyfriend role).

So how do you get her to see you the way you want her to see her?

By you becoming the mirror to her first, and allowing her to mirror you second, rather than you just being you and her mirroring you, as usually happens with men and women, and as happens in both the mainstream and the usual pickup community scenarios.

You want to find out the answer to "What does she want?"

And then, once you know it, you want to become it.


The Wrong Kind of Value

That archive of advice I dove into years ago was by a guy who used the handle "MrSex4uNYC," and he advocated using what he called "eliciting values" to find out what women wanted so that he could become it.

In a bar, or on a date at a coffee shop, he'd sit and talk to women... and just ask them who they were, what they wanted out of life, and what kind of men they dated and relationships they had.

And then he'd become it.

This interested me so much back then that I set out to learn it. My early attempts at building eliciting values into my conversations with women were one of the things that led me to deep diving.

Because the original poster on eliciting values didn't go much into his methodology, it was left to me to pick up the pieces and figure out how to do the actual execution on this on my own. Fortunately, breaking things down and putting them back together happens to be one of my stronger suits, so I set out doing just that.

Eventually, I boiled it down to a series of questions - questions I'd ask women in conversation to find out what they were really looking for.

I'd refrain from sharing too much of my own opinions before finding this out - when you don't know anything about her and you start spouting out opinions, this is how you turn off women you don't know very well yet and scare them away 99% of the time. It's where the pickup community goes wrong in its "show higher value" philosophy, because that philosophy isn't first preceded by, "find out what 'high value' IS to her... then show higher value." Mainstream society's advice seems to not make this mistake, but then you realize it doesn't actually give much advice about what to actually do with women at all, so this is hardly to its credit.

Yes, there are forms of universal value - these are your fundamentals that you can get down. Things like being a sexy man and being dominant with women and leading them.

Where most guys in pickup and in mainstream society alike go wrong though is launching into detailed stories about things that THEY think are high value... that the girl herself doesn't relate to at all!

So the guy think's he's showing how impressive he is... and the girl just thinks he's being a dolt. She gets turned off, leaves, and he wonders what happened. He thought he was so valuable!

But it was the wrong kind of value, because they didn't elicit out of her what she values first.


Eliciting Values: What Does She Want?

As I reverse-engineered the process of eliciting values, I eventually came upon 8 key questions I started to ask women every time before I'd go into sharing things about myself that would make her view me as impressive and valuable. That way, I only painted myself as valuable in ways that she actually valued.

When you adopt this strategy, you can save yourself a lot of wasted breath, and only show the sides of yourself that women will most relate to to them - thus becoming the kind of man they most want.

what does she want

(and if you feel disappointed to not be able to share EVERYTHING about yourself right away, realize that this is only the initial courtship and mating phase - once she realizes that she likes you a lot and the two of you become lovers, you can show every side of yourself to her that you care to and she'll be a lot more open to and accepting of the whole of you than she was before the two of you were together)

Here are the questions you want to ask, and why you want to ask them:

  1. “Is that what you want to do forever?” The reason you ask this - about her career, or her planned career, if she's in school - is to find out how ambitious she is. If she wants an ordinary 9-to-5 job for the rest of her life and you start talking about your dream of someday having your own lunar colony, you're going to lose her. Conversely, if she tells you she wants to be the governor of Oklahoma and you tell her you'd be happy to spend the rest of your life fixing vacuum cleaners, you'll lose her there too.

    Find out how deep her ambitions go - then relate to her on them.

  2. “Have you traveled much, or do you want to?” If this is anything other than an emphatic "yes!" then you want to avoid the subject of travel like a plague. Some women find the idea of travel intoxicating and alluring - if this is the case, they'll make this clear as day the instant you ask about it, trust me. Then you're free to talk about traveling all you like and they'll view you as a man of romance and mystery.

    If, on the other hand, they think travel is weird and unusual and don't understand why anyone would want to do it, if you start talking about how well-traveled you are, guess what: now YOU'RE weird and unusual and unable to be understood! So, it's very important you broach this subject lightly first - and direct your conversation accordingly.

  3. “When you've got free time, what do you do?” Let's say you play video games, work out at the gym, and take salsa lessons. If she plays video games and you talk to her about working out, she's going to think you're a big dumb jock and potentially out of her league. If she takes dance lessons, and you talk about video games, she's going to think you're a nerd. If she's a fitness nut and you talk about dance, she's going to think you're not serious about your body. Find out what she does with her free time, and talk about the most related things that you do, leaving the unrelated things out of the discussion altogether.

    If all her activities are boring, just get off this topic ASAP. No need for you to relate to her on boring stuff and convince her that you're every bit as boring as her. Boring people don't want to be around other boring people, they want people who can bring a little enthusiasm (that they can relate to) into their lives.

  4. “Ever go on any crazy adventures?” This one's all about finding out how much of a thrill seeker she is. Generally speaking, the more of a thrill seeker she is, the bigger the green light you'll have to get sexual, move things fast, and be direct. The less of a thrill seeker she is, the more conservatively and cautiously you'll want to take things, and the less you'll want to talk about your own crazy adventures (and the more toned-down you'll want them to sound if you do).

    One exception: the girl who acts really bored at this question, like it's a big joke. THIS girl you can get sexual with and move faster on than almost anyone... as soon as you start picking up a relaxed "don't give a crap" attitude from a girl, that's a green light to move fast and be direct, because she doesn't like or tolerate longwinded conversations or much beating around the bush.

  5. “How far do you usually plan ahead?” The reason you ask this is to gauge her reaction. If she starts going into some detailed answer on her long-term planning, she's analytical and methodical, which means you need to take more time with her, really break down what she's looking for in a man, and be that. If she acts confused or annoyed at the question, she's kind of ditzy; just change the topic. If she laughs and says proudly that she DOESN'T plan ahead, she's a thrill seeker who lives for the moment - so you'll want to generate excitement, fun, and a thrilling ending for your date.

  6. “What was your childhood like?” This is another chance to find out more about her - was she a good student and a bookworm (in which case, she's most open to a captivating, romantic seducer who can bring to life the fantasies she read about so many times as a girl); was she a tomboy and troublemaker (in which case, you want to be more blunt and direct with her, and talk about some of the trouble YOU used to get in); did she have a rough childhood (in which case she needs a man to SAVE her, but you don't want to go overboard on this or she'll want to suck you into a long-term platonic savior role; instead, offer her words of condolence in an almost neutral voice tone to show you understand without becoming an emotional tampon).

  7. “What do you think of me so far?” This gets you her feedback on you, and helps you gauge where you're at - she'll tell you things she likes (you'll want to amplify them throughout the remainder of the conversation, with subtlety), things she doesn't understand (you'll want to avoid them for the remainder of the conversation), or she may tease you or flirt with you (if there's a sexual vibe there, it's time to take her home).

  8. “And is that good?” Ask her this after anything she says about you that's she doesn't attach a clear value judgment to (e.g., "Well, you're incredibly ambitious" when she hasn't mentioned whether she's ambitious herself or not yet). Remember to pay attention to her emotion, not her words ("Yeah, that's pretty good," said with unenthusiastic tones mean, "Not for me," whereas, "I think it's great," said with very warm tones means she likes it a LOT), and use this feedback to adjust accordingly.

You'll notice I left a few things out, specifically:

  • “What kind of guys do you date?”
  • “What was your last boyfriend like?”
  • “Think you'll ever settle down?”
  • “What's the longest relationship you've ever had?”

I've tested these and many other varieties, but they all tend to lead to the woman feeling like it's a higher-pressure "relationship evaluation" type date, where you're respecting her for how satisfactory she is as a relationship partner, or, conversely, what she looks for in a relationship partner. These questions cause her to slow down and place you in the prospective boyfriends bin.

For that reason, I find it's generally better to NOT talk about relationships at all during an interaction with a woman, and simply get to know what she's looking for in men indirectly through the 8 questions I outlined above.

That way, you as the conversationalist get your answer to "what does she want?" without having to actually come out and tell her you're trying to find out what she wants.

All that's left for you after that then is for you to simply become it.

Here's to being the mirror.

Chase Amante

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Comments

Zac's picture

Amazing post


Hi Chase,

you are brilliant. I am sure you receive a whole lot of compliments. Your information is detail, tells and relate.

Your recent email about the game is wonderful. i can't thank you enough. Dating is more than just a game.

Sincerely,
Zac :)

Chase Amante's picture

Email

Author

Thanks Zac, I'm glad you liked the article. Also cool to hear about the email - you never really know on those, no instant feedback like you see on an on-site post.

And it's especially tough to get a read on how good (or not) an email is when you throw it together half-conscious and sleep-deprived ;)

Cheers,
Chase

Sick Biatch's picture

Dopamine spikes when you're


Dopamine spikes when you're sleep deprived. Thank the Dopamine for another great article.

This is spot on. We are not all alike. We want all of you as you are all useful (except for highly emotional men who drain us).

I find it hard to talk to men and you've given me great conversational questions to ask if there is awkwardness and ways to connect further.
We want to bond/relate to men a lot more than most men realise.

You are right we are very social creatures and want to use your mirroring techniques too.

Prince's picture

I beg to differ on the final section of this post...


Hey Chase,

'Eliciting Values: What Does She Want?' Is the section where I don't quite agree with... it sounds like you are agreeing on everything she says which are the traits of a nice guy with no backbone? Even if you express/relate/talk about yourself after she speaks.

To me it just comes across as a beta male who is greasing her up. And the last two questions regarding asking her "what do you think of me so far?" & "is that good?" sounds so insecure and is basically saying "Do you like me?"....

Q. Could a more dominate and alpha male say something along the lines "Straight up, tell me what are you after?"

But prior to this section I do agree strongly on how you initially treat a woman is how she will act/be around you.

Appreciate the consistent flow of posts from you and your team. Keep it up!

Cheers,
Prince

Chase Amante's picture

"What do you think of me?"

Author

Hey Prince,

I think I understand the confusion. I probably should've been clearer on the tone / context you use that one in.

The way you'll use this one is actually quite different from, "Tell me what you're after," because what you're doing with that one is A) handing her the power to decide where the interaction goes, and B) communicating to her that you don't know what she wants, which means you're not in control and don't really get her. So you want to avoid that one.

To picture how to use "What do you think of me?" properly, imagine you're talking to a really gorgeous, sexy woman. The conversation's gone on for some time, and it's become quite a close conversation... and she's firmly in control. At this point, you know you're not calling the shots... all you can do is HOPE she likes you as much as you like her.

Then, at a particularly intense and intimate moment in the conversation, when she's got you going on and on about your opinions on something (women, life, etc.), she leans across the table, stares you in the eyes, and says, in the most sultry voice you can imagine, "And what do you think of ME?"

You stutter and stumble a bit, not quite sure what to say. What do you SAY to that? You sit there and mumble something out about what you like about her... and at that point you know she's won. She's TOTALLY in control. She's making you tell her what you like about her, and you know she doesn't even CARE what you like about her. She OWNS you.

That's the kind of impact you're looking to give women with that question. It needs to be used deep in conversation, and it needs to be used when you have her going on and on about what she thinks about things. When she's starting to feel like, "Wow, I am talking WAY too much... I'm totally trying to impress him!" Then you just drop that one like a bomb and cement the fact that yes, she wants you and you're in charge.

Occasionally, even if you time it perfectly, she'll take it in stride, and her reaction gives you a lot to go off of - if she's flirty and sexy about it, you know she knows the game, and she's enjoying it, too. If she's kind of awkward and non-sexual, but not nervous about it, then either the magic is fading or you didn't screen her properly enough for attraction early on and are talking to a girl who isn't all that into you.

However it goes though, a lot of times you can use this one as a coup de grace on the conversation and really hammer home the point that you're running the show - which is the kind of thing that most women dream of experiencing with a man, but many never do.

Cheers,
Chase

Anonymous's picture

Chase I love your articles


Chase I love your articles but this is just damn near unreadable on mobile because of the pop-up that blocks the whole screen with no way to click out of it. Please fix.

Chase Amante's picture

Pop Up

Author

Hey Anon,

Thanks for the heads up. We changed that a couple of weeks ago to better work with mobile, actually... sounds like the new one's affecting some readers too. That's annoying. Can you tell me what device and platform you're encountering problems on?

Chase

Flames's picture

Women are what you screen them for


I wrote this on a recent post in a popular PUA forum 'about all women are x'. That women are what you screen them for, what I hate about these types of posts is the usual thing, that all women are sluts/prudes/whores etc (or indeed any other particular trait). It's utter nonsense
people are individuals no two people have the same wants/needs/desires. It's almost as the other posts such as 'I dont get girls because of x'. A lot of guys don't screen, they see a girl they are attracted to (and by that I mean they're 'hot') then instantly think they should be sleeping with them, without any sort of screening, or as you say illiciting values, then when they get problems it's the 'system' they're using that's at fault, but even then what do they do, they ask 10 other guys what theyd do? And then they try 10 other systems nor of which are appropriate to the girl, and why is that? Because they never bothered to find out what she values most.

Women are what you screen them for, in other words if your looking for an 'easy lay' dont complain when they 'run off' with someone else.

Being judgemental makes things worse I believe in that when you have expectations of a certain way of behaviour in others when they stop doing what YOU think THEY should be doing, in your eyes they're causing drama, yet really again when you failed to do was find out what she was looking for, or you were deceptive in what YOU were looking for.

Mirroring is essential I find that the girls you should be getting, you both drop into mirroring quite easily. If you did that your completely 'out of sync' with someone that almost as a good a sign as anything else that it's not going to work, at least long term, and usually causes short term problems too.

Thanks for another thought provoking post.

Regards
Flames

Chase Amante's picture

Re: Women are what you screen them for

Author

Howdy Flames,

Sounds like you've been running into guys who've had their perceptions colored by bitterness... I wrote a post on that a while back here:

Most Important Thing to Becoming a Lover of Women? Don't Be Bitter.

There are a LOT of bitter people out there (men AND women... you should see some of the comments this site gets that we don't let through [because I don't want them polluting the positive / can-do atmosphere we strive to maintain on here])... what they never seem to realize though is that for all the poison they spew out, the ones they affect most are the ones who can never get away from it: themselves.

Learning how to be judgment-free and to understand and empathize with and reflect back the values of the people you meet is crucial to being able to make the kind of headway you want in life - life is, after all, all about dealing with people.

It sounds like you already have a pretty good grasp on this, Flames - it's a tremendous advantage that a LOT of people lack (simply because they don't take the time to develop it).

Best,
Chase

Curious George's picture

"Frozen before cold approach"


Chase my man, I wanted an article like this. What I mean is you just giving us specific questions to ask the females. Good stuff but man I'm really having a problem "freezing up", I want to approach girls but my body wont let me. I try to make my mind force itself to go talk to her, like come on nothing bad is going to happen, it's not a big deal, go do it, but my mouth can't open to speak. Its just hard for me to do, really hard.

I feel so weak and lame for not being able to do this. I can't make my dating life better if I can't talk. Chase it's really like I'm trapped in ice and I can't say anything no matter how hard I try to force myself I can't. Could you write an article to help us guys to stop getting "frozen before a cold approach" and having us moving in gear and talking? I appreciate all you've done us. Thank you Chase let's beat sub-zero!

Chase Amante's picture

Re: "Frozen before cold approach"

Author

Hey George,

That's a pretty common one among newer guys, in fact - you're certainly not alone.

I've got an article up on freezing up before the approach, as it turns out - have a look; you should find it addresses your main points here:

Overcoming Approach Anxiety

The primary gist is though, at some point, you've just got stop worrying about what your mind's doing and say to yourself, "Well, you may be scared witless, mind, but looks like my feet are headed over there already, so I guess you're out of luck," and just keep moving your feet until you're right in front of her.

Then say, "Hi." You may even find that you're surprised at what happens next.

Cheers,
Chase

Curious George 's picture

OK thanks. But could you give


OK thanks. But could you give me a list step by step, like how many days to say hi before switching to something else? Ex. Say hi for a week then switch to a compliment, something like that. And I think I read on a few post back that you were going to write an article more on anxiety? Just CURIOUS thanks chase.

Chase Amante's picture

Re: Step-by-Step List

Author

Hey George,

Right - a post on anxiety is on my list! It's a long list, but that'll be up sometime in the next few weeks.

For a step-by-step list... tell you what, when we open the forum back up for new members in a couple of weeks, why don't you join, George? I've got an assignment on there for new guys that breaks down getting you started on the basics down to a bunch of straightforward-enough days, designed to get you out there and get you approaching.

That way, you'll have a concrete list of steps you can take, and you can even post a journal or reports for public accountability, camaraderie, getting feedback, etc. That'll get you out there and doing it.

Cheers,
Chase

Anonymous's picture

hey bro it may sound crazy


hey bro it may sound crazy but masturbation abstinence may help,,and may give you some ball in approaching women read yourbrainonporn.com den u will ne enlightened,,,i suffer also dis freezing symptoms when approaching women but i totally change when i try da challenge,,try and see da benefits

Wes's picture

Thanks


Thanks for all the new articles lately. Very much appreciated.
I have to know, where do you get these photos? Are these some of the women you've picked up off the street? Haha anyways, were you still going to make a post about how to handle improving without cramming too much information in, just wondering.

Again thanks man, I heard about these 8 questions a year ago but never got it in full detail.

Chase Amante's picture

Photos

Author

Hi Wes,

Will I lose some of my mystique if I tell you those are stock photos? The photos on the site primarily are licensed from either iStockPhoto or Fotolia.

Having a good stock photo provider makes it a bit easier than hauling a DSLR and a sheaf of model release forms out on the street with me every time I go out, in any event.

Chase

Anon's picture

So just recently a girl asked


So just recently a girl asked me questions 7 & 8 after some flirting and playful banter. I guess I already know the answer, but what should I do?

Chase Amante's picture

Responding to Questions 7 & 8

Author

Hi Anon,

Heh. Tough corner to squeeze out of, right?

The preferred way of responding to this (in my opinion) is maintaining steady eye contact with her, crinkling up your nose, and saying, with a mischievous tone, "You're all right. [pause] What do YOU think of ME?"

This way, rather than buckle on the tough question, you tease her back, implying that you like her (since you're flirting), then follow that up with a challenge.

Another way, if you're not quite able to capture the right spirit for that one, is to simply toss it back to her and change it from an emotionally-charged question into a logical one: "Well, that depends. Do you mean your personality, your life plans, the way you drink your coffee... what do you want an opinion on?"

That sucks the wind out of her sails and puts the steering wheel of the conversation back in your hands.

Chase

The Tool's picture

Always something to look forward too


Chase, The amount of new and useful information coming out of this site at a steady pace in unbelievable, Always something new to learn and I appreciate every ounce of it, especially useful was your post on Getting girls in school, alot of great info in there, I was going to post/ask some questions on school game, but I have decided to save it for when I am allowed on the forums, I have had quite a bit of success in college so far especially with cold approach and getting girls to approach me, So I am going to save my tips and tricks for the forums so I can quickly obtain that fundamentles ebook ;) hint hint lol

Cant wait for the next exciting posts and emails (The is it worth it? one you sent out earlier was just unbelieveable even got my brother to take a look at this site because of said email. new blood always good

Chase Amante's picture

Re: Always something to look forward too

Author

Howdy Tool,

Yeah, you know, every time I finish one of these long articles I think, "All right, that's it! I've said everything there is to be said... there can't possibly be anything else to write about without rehashing the same old stuff." But you keep finding new things to write on anyway.

Ha, the posts on school game for the forum sound great. Can't 'til it's time to open it up to more people.

Well, cool to hear your brother enjoyed the site earlier, Tool. Sounds like that email came off rather well. Funny the things that hit sometimes, huh..?

Cheers,
Chase

Young Fella's picture

Hi Chase, I've been reading


Hi Chase, I've been reading most your articles for about a week and I have to say everything here has opened my eyes. I've had a good amount of girlfriends in the past and would always wonder what went wrong when we split. Reading these really helped me understand what "I" was doing wrong instead of her.

I don't know if you have this in your archives but I would love it if you had like a transcript of a successful pickup to show how you transition from subjects to subjects and get more intimate with the girl in a conversation. I know your deep dive method is really effective, I was wondering if you had direct examples of it being used. Thanks :)

Chase Amante's picture

Pickup Transcript

Author

Hey Young Fella,

Glad to hear it. Once you're able to start figuring out what you're doing wrong, all the places you have to improve begin to stick out at you too, and that's when you start getting better fast and having those things that used to go wrong start going right.

I have a conversation example up here, since I got asked for something like this a lot when I first posted the articles on deep diving and being a conversationalist:

Conversation Example

That one will take you through most of the big transitions in conversation, from the opening of the conversation, through getting her hooked into it, some light banter, and getting into deep diving.

I have partial transcripts from a pair of my pickups as appendices to the ebook as well; if you want some actual conversations that include some of the later parts, like the invitations home and the transition from the venue to your place, consider picking up a copy.

Best,
Chase

Jo's picture

Attraction Expires, but why?


Great article, my question is a bit off-topic but perhaps you can help...

Ive observed things with girls...All girls that eventually became my girlfriend occured after we had rapid intimacy and those that did not become my GF apthings fizzled out when there was no rapid intimacy...

Why is this? I'm guessing its because women's attraction for men has an expiration date...especially if they're high value women that get approached by lots of men...

But see for me this concept of attraction's rapid expiration date is not intuitive to me because depending on the type of girl i talk to my attraction for a woman doesnt expire very rapidly. Once I talk to a girl and she has certain qualities: ambition, intelligence wit, sexiness, flirtatiousness, playfulness, etc and I LIKE being around her, even if 2 months go by without us talking, and I talk to hoardes of other women in the interim, I'd still want to be around her again...but alot of women dont seem to move like this...it's like you have to work to rekindle the attraction that was once there with someof them. so I am trying to understand what goes thru a woman's mind (whether consciously or subconsciously) that leads to some of them going cold when too much time has passed without intimacy...

Chase Amante's picture

Why Attraction Expires

Author

Hey Jo,

I assume you mean regarding girls you slept with, both ones that happened quickly and ones that took a long time, right?

Women tend to have mixed feelings about men they sleep with quickly. Often they think, "Oh, he's not a quality guy at ALL!" which is why they slept with the guy right away, instead of making him wait. But, at the same time, they ALSO think, "Wow, he is a WAY more powerful guy than those other guys I've been with who had to chase me for months... this guy got me in one date!"

Which one a woman chooses often depends on what she wants. When she's at a place in her life where she isn't as concerned with "settling down," she'll opt for more powerful and attractive every time. If it took a guy a long time to get with her, he's already starting off on the wrong foot, and he's also probably far more invested in her than she is in him at that point, leading to a value imbalance (she's more dominant in the relationship than she is, leading to declining attraction from her to him). So she'll lose interest and opt to pursue a more exciting man.

Once women enter "settle down mode" though, this reverses, and they begin auto-rejecting the exciting guys. These women actually become more likely to leave guys they slept with quickly, assuming right away that they aren't long term material, and look to land a guy who's invested in them and pursued them for a while. (incidentally, most of the "Screw you for learning / teaching pickup!" female commenters this and other sites get are these girls in auto-rejection toward "exciting" men; the ones who aren't in settle down mode either think it's "cool" or they don't care).

On understanding why attraction expires quickly for men, but not for women: think of women as being in a race against the clock, where they've basically got to find the best choice they can get and hold onto before time's up (they become unable to reproduce / they become so old that they struggle to land quality men anymore). They need to keep moving, and can't hold on to men who won't deliver on one aspect of what they need or another. Men who can't execute on the most basic aspects of mating (e.g., actually mating with them) get discarded quickly and get little consideration, simply because they don't have time.

For a better example, imagine two tribes of women living 40,000 years ago; the women of one tribe spend years pining after every man they get feelings for who don't want them or won't put out; the other tribe of women very quickly moves on and replaces their men. Which tribe of women is more likely to reproduce before menopause sets in, and thus pass on its genes to the women who exist today? Clearly, the one that maximizes its ability to reproduce with the highest quality male it can get and hold onto in the window of time it has to look around.

Men don't have this consideration. In fact, for men, it doesn't make sense to move on... a man could date one girl, break up with her, date others, still get back together with the first one, or even date 3 or 4 women at once - and reproduce with them ALL. The MAN's optimal mating strategy is to try to maximize his number of concurrent mating partners, so long as he has the resources to support his children with all of them, and not move on from ANY of them.

It's a big part of why women do most of the breaking up and most of the divorcing. Men aren't the ones (usually) who get unhappy and strike off in search of a new partner, and men also aren't the ones (usually) who move on quickly to find someone else right away to have in a relationship. Women are, because they can only mate with one male at a time, and time is always their enemy.

Chase

Dale's picture

The four guys


The four examples you give are good, but women may not see men in such a stereotypical fashion. In my case, you would see me as one the first three, but women just want me for sex, so men need to find out how women see them.

Chase Amante's picture

Stereotyping

Author

Howdy Dale,

You're right, women don't see men black and white like this. It's very rare that a man makes himself into a purely one-dimensional stereotype; it's actually a pretty hard thing to do, in fact (try becoming pure lover... very tough).

Simply for purposes of clearly stating examples (so that they are not vague, ambiguous, or confusing), I'm using stereotypes for these sorts of things. It's like how there are no perfect spheres in the real world, but when you first start learning geometry, every sphere is a perfect sphere (because you'd throw your hands up at it being impossible to understand if you were asked to measure bumpy, ambiguous spheres when you couldn't tell a radius from a circumference).

The real world's more nuanced though, absolutely. Would be a pretty boring place if it wasn't.

Chase

Garrett's picture

Overlapping Confusion..


Hey Chase!

So I'm a tad confused... I think your work is fantastic and I follow up on most of your posts. The one thing I'm a bit confused about is differences in overlap in regard to a topic. What I mean is, sometimes I'll read something in one post on a topic then in another post that covers more of the specs, I'll read something different. For example, I recall reading an article that Ricardus wrote stating that peacocking and wearing bright colours is effective, and then I read one of your articles saying that it didn't do much/had little effect on getting you noticed...

In relation to this post, I'm a bit confused. The thing is, when something is taught, especially in the form of a blog post, the reader is open to a variety of different interpretations, which sometimes leads to confusion (such as with the peacocking example).

Also, I'm unsure about girls who are conservative and SAY they want to take things slowly... Are you supposed to accept what she says and relate to it, or should you try to employ different techniques to escalate the interaction to fast intimacy? I feel like I'd be lying because that's not what I want, I want her to understand I'm a sexual guy based on the frames I set. It's just that all girls are different. I assume it comes down to experience, but like being face to face with a conservative girl, it seems like it would be extremely difficult to deviate the interaction to one of sexual nature due to the societal implementations imposed on her...

So how do you know what a woman wants based on what she says? Society, as you mentioned, causes most women to hide their desire for sex, so I'm having some trouble distinguishing going by what she says, relating to her, and how she really feels

Hope that makes sense, and thanks for the previous tips!
Garrett

Chase Amante's picture

Re: Overlapping Confusion..

Author

Howdy Garrett,

My apologies for anything confusing. Feel free to let me know if something doesn't click. I don't remember ever saying that bright colors didn't get me much attention; could be you're misremembering what I had to say in the peacocking article?

What I said in that one was:

Sexy requires a sense of style. Fashion sense. It requires a man to be able to put an outfit together, and not simply throw the brightest, flashiest elements he can find together and hope to maximize his ability to attract attention.

Which is not to say bright colors don't work; it's simply that there's more to fashion than simply wearing colors that pop. It's been my experience that wearing a bright red color will get you a lot of attention, however, and I've had friends who've had great luck with this and there's even research backing it up now too. But you want it to be tastefully done; say, a bright red shirt with a dark colored jacket.

With regards to this article, what specifically had you confused?

Re: conservative girls and getting intimate quickly, you've got a couple of questions there:

  1. If she says she's conservative / wants to take things slowly: dismiss this quickly with a, "Cool, cool," or a, "Yeah, sure," and move on with the conversation. Actually conservative girls don't say they're conservative or say they want to take things slowly; they're too conservative to think or talk about sex in the first place. They won't even want to broach the topic and hope you won't either, and they'll be very nervous when sex comes up, not firm. So if she's talking about how conservative she is or how slowly she wants to take things, take it as something to be ignored and continue on as usual; it's a front designed to raise her relationship value.

  2. How do you know what a woman wants based on what she says? You don't; you go based off of what she doesn't say. One woman might tell you she wants to hop in bed with you like crazy, but no matter what you try you will never bed her. Another girl might tell you she's dying for you to just come be her boyfriend; and yet, she'll keep dodging your date invitations. Another will tell you she takes things slowly and NEVER has sex on the first date and that you better not push things too hard or you'll loser her; a few hours into your first date, you're lovers. Never listen to words; listen to actions, behavior, voice tones, and subtexts.

Best way for knowing where a girl's at: escalate things with her. Move her. You'll know exactly where she's at based off of her responses. A woman's words are not to be believed; but her reactions to your leadership, even with those women who are exceptionally talented with men, will never mislead you.

Cheers,
Chase

Ashutosh's picture

Would like your insights :-)


Hey chase! Respect you very much. A little off topic but what if you really love,she loves you too, but for some reason or another she thinks that you dont take her seriously! How do i show her that i love her like crazy. I mean how to make her know you love her?

Chase Amante's picture

Taking Her Seriously

Author

Hey Ashutosh,

If the two of you love each other and you've been together a while and she's accusing you of not taking her "seriously," what that means is that her expectations with you are that you'll give her a serious, committed relationship, and she's in the early stages of auto-rejection because she's beginning to think she can't get what she wants from you.

Best approach is just sitting her down the next time she gets upset and telling her you care about her and like being with her, and she needs to stop doubting that you're serious about her, because you are.

Then, figure out whatever it is you're doing (e.g., not seeing her often enough, canceling on her when she's supposed to come over, etc.) that's making her feel like you don't take her seriously and correct it. If you can't figure it out, you need to sit her down and tell her, "Look, I want things to be good with us, but you're going to need to communicate with me. I want you to feel like I take you seriously, but I don't know what I'm doing that's making you feel like I'm not. So you need to tell me."

Do that, and you'll straighten your relationship out and she'll be content. But you'll need to mind your actions and look out for things you're doing that cause this feeling of distance in the future.

Cheers,
Chase

G's picture

Simply Fantastic Piece


Chase,

Impeccably written piece. The advice offered here is quite
An interaction changer. A site favorite for myself.

It's understood in sales that more powerful questions
quickly uncover needs, wants, and desires of said topics
firmly cementing us in charge of where the interaction
will go.

A set of well placed questions that align with our own values screen out time wasters and open women who are able to relate allowing an opportunity to move forward.

An observation Ive made while practicing is the better your qualifying questions, the more women open and hook. And faster as well.

Certainly a gem here Chase till next time,

G

Chase Amante's picture

Powerful Questions

Author

Thanks G, glad you found it such a good read.

Asking the right questions is for sure an immensely important part of all things social. Each new question's like another side street, branching off of the main road; some of them are dead ends, and some of them lead you to places you didn't even know existed.

The observation on better and faster opening and hooking is a good one. Questions are a differentiator; most men ask the same ones, and they're boring. As soon as you're asking different ones, that are intriguing, and fascinating, and cut her to the quick, she surprised and interested right away (and your job's a whole lot easier).

Appreciate the thoughtful comment.

Best,
Chase

Anonymous's picture

Hi Chase, could you post


Hi Chase,
could you post something like your 20 favorite questions that you use when deep diving, so we could get a glimpse of the mood/frame/etc. that is behind it? I often feel my "deep diving" is sometimes too direct, getting to personal. But then maybe this is a US/European girls problem. Best,
David

Chase Amante's picture

Deep Diving Questions / Getting Personal

Author

Hi Anon,

I honestly don't have much of a "script" I run off of (and I'd advise you against building one too); the post above is really about as "scripted" as I get. That's plenty to run a long conversation off of, in fact; because you're not just asking a question and moving on, you're diving deep into the nuts and bolts of it, which is what really makes it interesting. Simple "expansion" questions like, "And how do you like that?" "How long've you been doing that?" "Will you do that forever?" "Why do you do X and not Y?" can be used to have her expand on topics and take you into her thinking and psychology on a subject, to get you off the normal boring conversation most men get stuck on.

As far as any cultural differences, I did develop deep diving in the West, yes, but I've since used it very well with quite a few women from Asia and South America too. So I can tell you from my own experience, as well as from the feedback of, well, thousands of guys I've trained personally or who've used the programs here (and even some who've just read the blog) that getting "too personal" isn't an issue in: North America, Europe, Asia, or South America. I don't know as much about Australia, Africa, or the Middle East, although because African culture is so open in general I'd intuit it isn't a problem there, and Australians get a kick out of just about everything, so I doubt Australian women would have much against having a real conversation. The Middle East... I'm guessing women are as starved for connection there as anywhere else, too. Antartica, from what I hear it's basically just a big sex partner rush at the research stations before the last ships leave for the winter and everybody gets locked down, but I'd imagine deep diving would even help you lock up a partner before the big freeze there, too ;)

Ultimately, the reason why getting to know a woman PERSONALLY works is because most women are sick and tired of the boring, impersonal surface level conversation they get from everyone else they meet that only ever stays at a shallow level. If you're deep diving properly, women will be thrilled to have you digging into who they are. Don't worry about getting "too personal!"

Cheers,
Chase

Handsome's picture

How do you know what a woman wants based on what she says?


I think this an excellent topic for you to discuss, could you elaborate more?

Chase Amante's picture

Reading Women by Their Responses

Author

Hey Handsome,

I think what you're referring to is reading between the lines and inferring things about women based on their verbal responses and nonverbal reactions, right?

Assuming I'm right, yeah, that is an interesting topic. There are scattered things about that on the site here, but I'll try and get a post up that gives a more concentrated look at reading women this way.

Best,
Chase

Jo's picture

I agree


Reading btwn the lines and cutting thru the BS is paramount when socializing. Why? Because alot of people (in the part of the US that I live anyway) aren't very direct when out and about and socializing in public. They don't say what's REALLY on their minds. Reputation management is something I see alot here... unlike when i was growing up in the Caribbean and folks were more blunt, more direct, more to the point, more confrontational, and more don't give **** what anyone thinks about them.

But once you can cut thru the BS and read btwn the lines, you stop listening so much so to words people say and more to actions, and implications of what's REALLY going on. It's kinda like how on Law and Order the detectives would know that the suspects were lying or not telling the whole truth or maybe meant something else but couldn't find the words to say it...

It takes practice to do so but when you get good you kinda know what you expect to hear from a person before they even utter the words and when they say something contrary to what you expect red flags go up so you can call their bluff.

Or you can kinda tell that someone is acting more confident than they really are...like say you ask a girl how does she like the guy she's newly dating, and she says enthusiastically "he's cool." If you just listen to the words then you might believe that she likes him. But with enough experience and context, your subconscious mind will say, why isn't she smiling at the thought of this guy, why isn't she more happy to say how she feels about this guy, and ramble on about how amazing he is? What is she hiding? Obviously something more is on her mind...this is reading btwn the lines because you know what emotions you expect to hear and see when someone is truly happy about something, and when the behavior you see is contrary to the expected result you ask follow up questions to get the REAL answer.

Would be interesting to see an article on this...

Chase Amante's picture

Re: I agree

Author

Interesting points, and a neat comparison to the detectives spotting lies, Jo. You're right, it's about ignoring the words and focusing on the nonverbals - how long does it take for the response to come, voice tone, eye movements, facial expressions, nervous tics, etc.

Being a seducer and being a detective are not so dissimilar in those respects.

Cheers,
Chase

Jo's picture

Women also want Butterflies


I've heard many women say they get 'butterflies' around certain men, and that they feel 'nervous' around these guys. Somehow the thought of these guys makes these women's hearts 'flutter' and this seems to be something that (at least some) women want. I don't know if you've ever touched on this or not, but it'd be great to see an article that goes in to the social dynamics and psychology of the 'butterflies' phenomenon.

I haven't thought about this topic very deeply but off the top of my head and without any research I think the occurrence of 'butterflies' is a manifestation of one's anticipation of more good things to come. You don't know exactly what it will be but all you know (subconsciously) is...you want more! It occurs when you really like someone, and because they're unpredictable, you don't know exactly what's coming next. But you do know that usually whatever this person says or does is something that you find delightful and because of that you anticipate more good feelings...

So in the moments between good feelings you subconsciously anticipate experiencing more of them but you don't know exactly how they will manifest themselves, due to the unpredictability of the individual providing the good feelings. This seems to be something that drives some women crazy and they love it when it happens... It's all subconscious of course so they may not be able to tell you exactly WHY they like it so much.

So my question to you is, have you ever encountered this phenomenon of women getting butterflies around you? If so, how do you provide this feeling at will (i.e. what sorts of things a man can do to get women feeling butterflies and anticipation... and how can a man sense that what he's doing in this regard actually working?) It's one thing to try and pick up a girl, it's another thing to make them want to come back for more and more...and be out-of-control when around you...

Look forward to hearing from you...

Thanks.

Chase Amante's picture

Re: Women also want Butterflies

Author

Hey Jo,

Spot on, women do love the "butterflies" feeling. My description is the same as yours, Jo - a mixture of positive anticipation mixed with uncertainty. She THINKS you can give her amazing things... but will you? When will you? She doesn't know, and she's on the edge of her seat waiting for it.

It does make for a great topic - I'll try to do a write-up on that one soon.

Cheers,
Chase

Dunking Style's picture

Place of escalation


Hi Chase,

I've read a lot of articles here, and it all seems to make so much sense.
I wanted to first thank you for helping me and so many other men out there!

Just a quick question to you: What happens after you've done everything right, and she's ready to sleep with you, but you have nowhere to... become lovers?!

It's not very convenient to do it at my place, nor hers, so how else would you save this from becoming disastrous? (not giving the woman what she wants!)

Chase Amante's picture

Logistics Without a Bed

Author

Hey Dunking,

Glad to hear you're getting value out of the site!

For handling logistics sans bed, have a look at this article right here:

Book Excerpts: Get Girls in Bed (Without a Bed)

Cheers,
Chase

Bibi's picture

About "Relationship Evaluation" Questions


Hi Chase, thanks for every article here. I think what you teach is more than pick-up. It is social art. Your blog greatly improves my social life, and I learn to monitor my social behavior in a more rational manner.

I have one question for this article. In the last part you suggest to avoid talking about the girls' past relationship. I believe your concern is very reasonable because I've been there for a few times. But I also think that you can use this kind of questions to bond with a girl very quickly, because it seems to be quite personal and secret. They almost only tell it to their girlfriends (I am an Asian. I don't know whether it is the case in western world). And when they do tell you about their past relationships, they feel that they have nothing to hide from you and become more open and direct, which is a good thing I think.

So I am thinking can we ask this kind of questions in an indirect manner ? I mean, when we are asking these questions, can we use eye-contact and proper voice tone to show that we are not interested in making the girls our girlfriends but just ask them out of curiosity ?

Jack's picture

Dear chase, i loce reading


Dear chase,
i loce reading your articles but Sometimes they can be a little confusing if you are just starting out. I think it would help people out a lot if the articles were organized into like beginner intermediate and advanced catagories. Other than that this site has really helped me out. Thank you!

Danny's picture

Chase, you are the Eistenin in Social Art!


Dear Chase,

I have to admit, you are the Albert Einstein in Social Art! The Pickup community (Mystery & Style) are Newton. They created one revolution, decoding all the hidden facts that mainstream society taught us. And you Chase Amante, created another revolution and decode another layer of hidden truths.

The reason why this article is so powerful is that it informs us a simple idea which most of the population didn't recognize: Women are just people and they will act differently in different audiences. That's it, period. End of discussion.

However, we usually get confuse and deceived by the mainstream society nowadays, very unfortunately....

mizraw66's picture

You the man


Why did i not start reading your articles years ago. This stuff works like magic

Moneymatter

Mac's picture

Great article!


Chase,
My man, how did you come to these realizations? I think you are very spot on. It's pretty cool to see a man write such a seemingly accurate breakdown of the female psyche with regards to relationships with men. Did you compile data from interviews or just personal observation?
Mac

israel's picture

chase


what can i do if a girl says she still wants to be sure if shes not making a mistake and she wants to know if shes if i am the right person for her? even tho we are attracted?

Tomi's picture

Awesome


This is a good article about questions to ask a girl. I'm actually making my own list of more, gathering topics from other articles; this is a good start. I came back to this to finish off the list, and I remembered something that you may think is kind of amusing Chase.

When I was first reading this, I was sitting on a waiting bench in a hallway on campus, after my classes. A girl came and sat down next to me, so I quickly got down to the main points and started firing off 18th century style.

Got her in my car, but I was extremely hesitant of her looks, and let her get away. Can't say I'm too mad at myself either haha

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