Let me tell you something that might shock you…
Going to bars and clubs can actually PREVENT you from getting the girls you want!
When I first started approaching women almost a decade ago now, I always went straight to the bars and clubs... and I always went with one or more friends.
It seems to make sense, right?
Lots of single women make themselves look pretty and go there to flirt... people have free time, alcohol serves as a social lubricant and everybody is having fun, listening to music and being social.
Well... all that is true, and so for most men who want to meet a girl, bars and clubs are the INTUITIVE choice. But, as we know, most things in dating science are COUNTERINTUITIVE.
And while I do still go to clubs and bars with friends sometimes to have a good time and maybe a flirt, I prefer to meet women during the day now, and when I'm alone.
This article is about day game - about approaching women during the day - and the advantages that has over "night game". That doesn't mean that any of what you are about to read in this article is the gospel. The night definitely has its perks as well - but let me play devil's advocate here and lay out a bit of a different perspective for you.
I deliberately wrote this in a controversial way to think outside the box a bit, and while some of the following "myths" are actually valid some of the time, one thing is always true:
The more we question things we've believed for a long time... the more we realize that the opposite of a profound truth is often also a profound truth.
Day Game Myth #1: "If You're Single And Looking, Hit The Nightlife"
The first question you need to ask yourself before you even leave the house is: What is your outcome? What kind of girl(s) do you want?
Are you in this game for the rush of meeting the truly exceptional women who have enough going for themselves to keep you interested for MORE than just a few hours? The ones that are beautiful enough to stop traffic, but ALSO smart, sweet and interesting to talk to?
Now, where would you find a girl who's not only stunning, but also really has her act together? Hint: that kind of girl doesn't get blind drunk 4 nights a week, shaking her ass in a club for validation from random dudes.
It is common wisdom among seducers the world over that many of the girls you're going to meet at night are not necessarily the most psychologically healthy, nor the most emotionally stable.
We teach approaching women in clubs because they are good places to practice your social skills - not necessarily to find your perfect girl.
In fact, at one point I made a list of all my ex-girlfriends - where I had met them and how the relationships went. That was one huge farkin eye opener and really got me to focus on meeting women during the day - almost all relationships with girls I had met in nightlife went rather chaotic, to say the least - whereas some of the best relationships I've had were with girls I had met during the daytime.
Some other great Casanovas I've talked to even told me that every girl they've dated for more than 2 weeks they met outside the club... and even studies have shown that bars and clubs are among the most unlikely places for a flirt to lead to a great relationship.
It's simple, really.
Meet crazy girls in crazy places... meet normal girls in normal places. You can meet a fit, mentally healthy girl in a yoga class, or a smart girl in a book store. What kind of women do YOU want in your life?
Day Game Myth #2: "I Go To Clubs Just To Hook Up"
Some guys will even agree with all of the above and say... "yes, but I don't go to bars and clubs to find a girlfriend. I go there to have fun."
The thing is, once you get good at this game, your standards will rise (well, hopefully), and you will start going after the girls who are MOST your type. And that's playing with fire… because with these girls, you DO run the risk of falling in love - no matter whether that was your intention or not.
Fact: We have NO control over who we fall in love with. It usually happens when we least expect it - the "when" and "why" has nothing to do with logic... whatsoever.
And don't get me wrong, this can be totally awesome. I really think there is no experience as intense in this life as falling in love with a girl and making her fall in love with you… It is the greatest rush this side of Eden and to me, one of the things that make life worthwhile!
Even sex with ten other hot girls you don't really care about will seem like masturbating to the picture of a pumpkin in comparison.
But I highly recommended not to fall in love with a CLUB girl... if you do, prepare for a lot of drama.
You have been warned.
Day Game Myth #3: "There Are More Women In Clubs"
I don't know who came up with this rule, but it must have been somebody who either failed math, or doesn't live in a big city.
How many girls are there in a club, on average? A few dozen? Maybe even one hundred? Two hundred?
In any major metropolis, you just need to go to a central area and you will literally see tens of thousands of girls as they are going about their daily life. Just go to a central subway station, to the biggest mall, a central square or any other place where the masses congregate and you will see more women than you could possibly talk to, even if you did nothing but approach girls all day, every day, for the rest of your life.
Day Game Myth #4: "Women In Clubs Are More Beautiful"
They actually only SEEM to be more pretty because you're drunk when you're there ;-p
I once asked a friend of mine "Is your new girlfriend pretty?" and he replied: "Well… it's dark at night". Well, it's dark in clubs too. And what little mood lighting there is usually makes people look better than they really do in the daytime.
In addition to this, women are wearing all their make up... and all that glitters is not gold in a club.
Have you ever made out with a stunning girl and when you met her again in broad daylight you found she wasn't quite as close to your ideal type as you thought she was?
Day game has the WYSIWYG guarantee: "what you see is what you get". If you want to date a model, the club really isn't the best place to do it. And most real models don't get drunk in clubs anyway... They're live healthy lives, wake up early, work out and prepare for their next photo shoot!
Day Game Myth #5: "Women Go To Clubs To Look For A Lover Or Boyfriend"
Many of my girlfriends and other female friends know or knew that I'm a dating coach, and so I've often had very candid conversations with them about the dating scene... and I've had a lot of them tell me that they and their girlfriends don't go to clubs to meet somebody.
Many just want to meet their friends, and maybe show themselves off and enjoy the attention they get.
Even the ones who do want to hook up with somebody at a club will often feel wary about getting into a relationship with a "club guy" - there is a saying in South America that goes "what starts in the night, ends in the night".
And there is some truth to that - any girl would much rather introduce you to her friends as the guy she got into a conversation with because he asked her to change some money for the bus, than the guy who picked her up when she was dancing on a podium wasted.
(Statistics show that most married couples actually met at work, by the way.)
Day Game Myth #6: "Picking Up Girls In Clubs Proves Confidence"
If you're not accustomed to the club environment, it can be intimidating at first, that much is true. But I can tell you right now that a lot of guys only go to bars and clubs to meet women because they don't have the GUTS to approach a woman in broad daylight (I know I used to).
In a club, it's socially expected to talk to people, so that helps with approach anxiety... and whatever fear you have left, you can get over with a little bit of liquid confidence.
But in the daytime, most people are stuck in their internal dialogue and not in an extroverted state (that is true for both her and you, by the way)… So for most people, the fear of the approach is worse during the daytime, and that can work in your advantage for two reasons.
For one, women often admire the balls it takes to do it, and second, there is simply nobody else doing it - zero competition!
If you don't have to rely on social situations and alcohol as a crutch for pickup, a whole new world of dating opportunities will open up to you.
Day Game Myth #7: "The Other Guys In Clubs Are No Real Competition"
"That's because we are master pickup artists! We have the super secret tricks and lines from the Internet and now nobody has a chance with women anymore except for us!"
Well, think again.
There are not only chumps and internet-pickupers out there. There are also a lot of guys who are able to very naturally be charismatic, or are very buff or good looking.
Pssst... yes, women like handsome guys too. It's a secret… don't tell anybody who wants to believe otherwise!
The truth is, a club is the place where you will have more competition than anywhere else. And even the guys who suck with women get drunk enough to dare approach them, so you're probably one in ten guys to talk to her that night.
Yes, there are ways to deal with these problems, but why stack the cards against yourself from the get go?
Approaching women in the daytime, I've had it happen that I was the first guy who EVER approached them in that setting in their LIVES… How is THAT for a chance to sweep her off her feet?
Day Game Myth #8: "The Dynamics In Clubs Are Good For Flirting"
If you know NLP, you will realize that every time a girl goes to a club and a good dozen guys hit on her, she gets literally conditioned to feel like "the prize" in this kind of environment.
Over the years this becomes a very powerful anchor, and I had an experience once that truly made me realize just how much this can influence a girl's behavior.
I had just met a girl in the streets, and she was totally into me – she was laughing at all my jokes and hanging on my arm.
I had to take her to a club a bit later because I had to meet somebody (and I don't recommend you do this unless you really HAVE to), and in the one minute it took us to walk into the club, a switch flipped inside her head and she went from chasing me to screening me.
She went from putty in my hands to throwing me curve balls and playing hard to get.
That's the effect a club environment has on a girl's mind... even a girl that's already into you.
Some food for thought!
Day Game Myth #9: "The Music In Clubs Makes People More Social"
I love music.
I love loud music too.
But in many countries, the volume in clubs is so high these days that it is literally impossible to talk to anybody without leaning in and screaming into their ears - not exactly my idea of having a good time.
One night I went to the clubs with a close friend that I hadn't seen in a year, and of course we had a LOT to talk about. But even though our conversation was really stimulating, once we were inside the venue, we stopped talking to each other - simply because the music was way too loud for that!
If a place is so noisy that you don't even want to continue an interesting conversation with a close friend - how much more difficult are you making it for yourself to start a new conversation with a stranger by putting yourself in that environment?
Especially if you're like me and rely more on your golden tongue than on your looks to win a girl's heart, day game gives you the ultimate advantage over the hunks.
Day Game Myth #10: "Work All Week, Party All Weekend"
Another thing I really like about day game is that I can do it any time I want. It is not restricted to the weekend or to the late hours… I can do it while running errands, while going to the beach or on my way to work.
I also don't have to put up with cigarette smoke in my eyes, in my clothes and in my hair (and, god forbid, in her kiss!).
I don't have to compete with the ADD environment of lasers and steam and foam and whatnot in a club.
I don't have to pay high cover charges, expensive drinks and the taxi fare to her place or my place later.
And if you have a day job, you don't have to mess up your biorhythm by staying up all night on the weekend, and then painfully reset it back to 7am on Monday morning with the shrilling sound of your alarm clock…
Day game fits into any life style you want to design for yourself.
Day Game Myth #11: "Women Of Exceptional Beauty Are Rarely Found Alone"
This is one of the most famous rules of Seduction Version 2004, but guess what... it was written for clubs.
During the daytime, this rule does not apply at all. Even drop dead beautiful women go to work alone, and do their shopping alone. They might go on their lunch break alone, or take a break in a coffee shop alone. They also walk the street alone, or ride the train and the bus alone.
This is, of course, a double edged sword: On the one hand, you can't use her peer group to build social proof and to ignore her a little bit.
But on the other hand, you don't need to handle "obstacles" and "interrupts" - it's just you and her.
Day Game Myth #12: "You Can't Use Social Proof In Day Game"
Admittedly, it is a lot easier to build social proof in night game - and that really is the most powerful tool in your bag of tricks for building attraction.
I've had nights where I didn't need to do anything to meet the hottest girls on the dance floor - I had a few pretty girls around me already, and the social proof alone was enough to just wave new hotties over… and they'd start gaming ME.
That will be hard to pull of in day game, unless you specifically go out with a “wing girl” (that's a hint!).
But there are several other ways of building social proof in day game. You can always talk to somebody near the girl you want to meet first, and then draw her into the conversation, for example… or you can tell her stories that show you are socially proofed.
Social proof is also communicated through your nonverbal communication - if you have very confident and smooth behaviorisms (a learnable skill), this implies that you must be a very social guy.
Day Game Myth #13: "You Should Go Out With A Wing Man"
I realized a few years ago that many of the best seducers out there were often going out alone without a “wing”, and so I started trying it as well.
And while going out with a friend can be very helpful to get some feedback on your “game” and to discover your blind spots, I now actually prefer to go out alone - especially in day game.
Think about it - you will ultimately want to be alone with a woman you meet anyway. So especially in the daytime, when most women are by themselves, it really makes more sense to just go out alone in the first place.
I've seen so many guys fall into this trap lately... they go out with a friend, boldly approaching girl after girl to prove their manliness to each other, and then EJECT out of the groups because they somehow feel like they have to get back to the friend they came with.
This can also be a form of creative avoidance - but if you're going out alone, you will actually feel MORE comfortable staying with the group than leaving them, so the situation is set up to push you FORWARD rather than backwards.
You're also much more flexible when you're out alone - and even if the girl is with her friends, you don't really need your wing: just befriend her peer group, and they won't "cockblock" - they will literally push her onto you.
Day Game Myth #14: "Bars And Clubs Are Better For SNLs"
The final myth is that nightlife is the place to go if you're looking for fast hookups - but the only reason why that would be true is the fact that alcohol is involved.
And even then, it's just another limiting belief to weed out of the garden of your mind… I've several times gone home with girls I met in the daytime a few minutes after approaching them.
That's right... No number close, no instant date, no time bridge, nothing - on several occasions, girls went STRAIGHT from the first meet back to my place with me, sober, in the daytime.
Anything is possible - if you believe it is, and make it happen.
The trick is to go out just after dark, even in day game - because then people tend to have more free time to spend with you, and the mood at twilight is simply better for escalating.
So Day Game Is The One And Only Game, Ricardus?
No, of course not.
As I said, there are advantages to club game as well, and it can be a TON of fun.
Just like with direct game vs. indirect game, or with canned game vs. natural game, it's not a dogmatic "either-or" question, and you should at least try both extensively.
In fact, I used to work in clubs several times in my life, as barkeeper, as promoter, as bar manager… and I have some great stories from those days.
But maybe this article inspires you to think of your options in a different way, and to try something completely new.
Maybe it helps you to see daytime approaches for the gold mine they really are... a gold mine that is now open to you.
Day game isn't some strange, otherworldly thing that only the guys who can't master club game resort to - it's an entirely different avenue for meeting women, one you take a different approach to, and one you get different outcomes with - and different kinds of women from.
And when all else is said and done, you might just find that it's the one you end up gladdest you started doing.
Onward and upward,
Next, read the follow-up, “Day Pick Up: Take Girls from Street to Bed in a Snap.”