I was recently browsing around the Internet reading articles women wrote advising other women on dating. Many of them had subjects along these lines:
- “We need to stop going for assholes”
- “It’s time for us to start dating better men”
- “When you meet a man who’s a dick, just PASS!”
Of course, the subtext there is all the same: we have to keep lecturing ourselves to stay away from these guys because we just CAN’T stay away from these guys... we can’t help ourselves!
Women are addicted to men who are “all wrong for them.”
Once their late twenties or early thirties or so, most women shift into talk about how they were foolish in their youths for passing up good guys or going after bad boys, but how they’re all over that now and that’s in the past.
Essentially, they reach an age where they stop treating nice guys like dish rags and instead start considering them for something more committed and long-term...
... yet, when they meet the sexy bad boy, they still make “bad decisions” with him anyway, even though they’re supposedly “reformed” and “past all that.”
The easiest way to think about all this to keep yourself from going crazy is this: if you really want to do well with a woman, be her guilty pleasure.
We all have our own guilty pleasures.
If you’re a man, your guilty pleasure might be video games, or fruit-flavored cocktails, or some kinky porn you try not to let people know you watch. Or maybe some part of you really likes watching romantic comedies, even if it’d take an interrogator shoving bamboo shoots under your fingernails to make you come clean about it.
If you’re a woman, however, there’s a pretty darn good chance your guilty pleasure is men.
The kind of men you KNOW you need to stay away from.
Yet... you just can’t help yourself.
And the more you as a MAN can take on the appearance of the “guilty pleasure”, the more the women around you will find themselves unable to help themselves from falling all over themselves for you.
A Shortcut to the Bad Boy Mentality
It seems to me like a lot of men struggle to fully adopt the sexy bad boy persona because this persona is at war constantly with what they think women really want and will respond to. They know logically that women clearly fall for bad boys and jerks; but when they try to be an asshole themselves, they keep regressing to nice guy behavior because emotionally they think women will get insulted and rush off if they aren’t completely proper, pleasing, and pliant.
I even see a lot of usually-solid with women guys lose girls in novel situations because they haven’t learned the right “bad boy” response to the situation and default to overly-nice behavior in it instead. This speaks to a bad boy “veneer” that sits atop what still is at the core a nice guy mental model about what women want.
Aspiring to be her “guilty pleasure” is a convenient shortcut to the bad boy mentality – rather than trying to adopt specific outward behaviors, you grab one key aspiration and just let that drive all of your interactions with the fairer sex.
That’s because you’re trying to do something very different when you aspire to be a woman’s guilty pleasure.
No longer are you aspiring to be the boyfriend or the mate or even socially acceptable.
You don’t want to be the guy she introduces to her friends, and they just totally LOVE him.
You may still have to be that guy a bit if you’re meeting her in a social situation where she can’t get away from her friends and just sneak off with you (though better if you can aspire to be the secret lover)... but that’s secondary to what you’re really trying to do.
Because what you’re really trying to do is not to please her... but to TEMPT her and lead her OFF the trail of goodness and niceness and purity and temperance.
You are the snake in the Garden of Eden handing the apple to Eve, telling her to take a bite from the Tree of Knowledge... a little knowledge, after all, never hurt nobody.
Being the Guilty Pleasure is FUN
The biggest difference between the “guilty pleasure” route and the more usual route men take?
Wow, it’s fun. It’s just an entirely different game.
For most guys, dating is a big, serious, emotionally-heavy deal. This is important stuff here! they think. They’d better not mess up. They’d better not make any mistakes. Because, gosh, if this one girl doesn’t like them... well, they don’t know what they’ll do.
When your aspiration is to be her guilty pleasure though, interacting with women is something very different altogether from what it is for most.
No longer is it something serious. Instead of you floating your credentials for her to yay or nay on, instead you are floating ideas and temptation for her that she is playing with, toying with, trying to resist... but finding herself increasingly unable to.
The more you tease her and flirt with her... the more you seduce her and tempt her and lead her astray from the path of the socially-correct, upstanding “nice girl” – the role she plays 95% of the time, when she’s not hooking up with bad boys like you – the more fun both of you have... and the more you establish your role as dominant male who finds her attractive but doesn’t take her all too seriously.
And girls LIKE that. A LOT.
Being the guilty pleasure is straightforward enough; it just requires you to focus on trying to tempt and titillate her instead of trying to impress and persuade her, which is what most men attempt to do.
However, there is some technique you can employ that will help you convey your “guilty pleasure status” to women a bit more effectively.
Good Girl? Whatever You Say...
The first technique you’ll find quite useful is to take the “I don’t believe you” playful skepticism tack any time women around you start expounding on how good, chaste, or pure they are.
The secret to this is not to outright challenge them and say, “I don’t believe you,” because a verbal challenge like this is invitation for a fight... which is the last thing you should be trying to get involved in if your aim is seduction rather than heated debate.
Her: My favorite part about the beach is laying out in the sun and soaking up all the warm sun rays.
You: And I’m sure that watching sexy men with hot bodies go by in tiny swim trunks has nothing to do with it.
Her: [laughs] I do not like men in tiny swim trunks, and besides, I don’t even pay attention to guys’ bodies down at the shore.
You: Mmm-hmm. Riiiiight...
Her: [laughs] I swear to God! I never even notice – I’m usually asleep!
You: Asleep dreaming about men with hot bodies.
Her: OH my God...!
This, “Yeah. Sure. Whatever you say,” attitude immediately paints you as a guilty pleasure because... well... just imagine a woman doing it to you:
You: My favorite part about the beach is laying out in the sun and soaking up all the warm sun rays.
Her: And I’m sure that watching sexy girls with hot bodies go by in tiny bikinis has nothing to do with it.
You: [laughs] I don’t really pay much attention to that to be honest.
Her: Mmm-hmm. Riiiiight...
You: [laughs] No, seriously! I’m usually either asleep or too busy chatting with my buddies.
Her: Chatting about beach babes with hot bodies.
You: Oh man...!
The effect is that you realize this girl you’re talking to is clearly someone sexual with her mind in the gutter, and she’s not buying that you aren’t that either – she’s a prime candidate for being a “guilty pleasure” of your own, and someone you can almost certainly indulge with without having an ounce of fear of her pulling the switcheroo on you later (and trying to make you feel ashamed for your sexuality).
The effect on women when you
do this is exactly the same.
Teasing the More “Serious” People
Another clear indication that you are “guilty pleasure” material is having a little fun at the expense of all those people out there treating sex and dating as a far more serious affair.
This can be something that comes up in conversation (some girls will mention serious couples and how cute/adorable they are, etc., as a way of feeling out whether you too are “serious” or rather are a “guilty pleasure”), or it can be something you notice in the environment and point out (like some guy who’s clearly bending over backward for his woman... say, if it’s apparent that he’s following her around or going back and forth to bring her drinks or refreshments).
A few comments about how they look or sound “really serious” and how that must be so “time consuming” or that you “bet that guy is an accountant” (or painter, or computer programmer, or some nerdy- or artsy-sounding job [that isn’t a job that YOU happen to do, either!]) will typically do the trick.
This is just a way of clearly differentiating yourself from the more “serious” folk. Like so:
Her: [pointing out some guy bringing flowers to his girlfriend] Aww... it’s obvious he really cares about her.
You: That looks exhausting.
Her: It looks sweet! She must be so happy.
You: I’ll bet that guy is a painter.
Her: [laughs] Why?!
You: Just a feeling I’m getting.
Her: [laughs] That’s so funny.
You: Well, tell you what, if you like that kind of thing later we can hit up a park and I’ll pick you some crab grass.
(note that you end this conversation the way you do because her pointing the couple out here is also a way of calling attention to a romantic bonding and implying she wants that with you, so not offering SOME kind of bonding is something of a slap in the face to her and will cool her off / send her into the early stages of auto-rejection; so, you offer a whimsical, non-romantic version of the value offering instead, and both write off seriousness while communicating your return interest in her as a partner of some sort at the same time)
Knowing More and Telling Her She’d Like It
A really fun one if you can get into it is a conversation about something a little more adventurous that a girl hasn’t tried yet – it can be sexual (see Alek’s article on sex talk for more), or just some general adventurous thing like riding a roller coaster or jet skiing.
If she says she isn’t sure she’d like it or states that she probably wouldn’t, that’s the perfect time to counter with insisting that she would... that you’re certain of it. When you do this, it’s important to do it with a sexual vibe that builds sexual tension – lean in, smile mischievously, and droop your eyelids down into bedroom eyes and drop your voice down into the purr of a low bedroom voice.
Her: I don’t think I could ever ride a really big roller coaster. It’d just be too scary.
You: [leaning in, looking sexy and mischievous] I’m pretty certain you’d like it.
Her: [laughs] I don’t think so!
You: I do.
Her: [laughs] No, I don’t think I would.
You: If I was with you, you’d enjoy it. I’d make you enjoy it.
Her: I don’t know if you can make someone enjoy something...
You: I could make you enjoy it.
Throughout the conversation, you’re talking about this in the same sexual voice that you would as if she’d just said, “I don’t think I could ride your giant monster penis,” and you’re returning with, “I’m pretty certain you’d like it.”
The subtext is, this adventurous thing she’s telling you she isn’t sure she would like or can do, you’re telling her you KNOW she’s going to like, and that you will go out of your way to make SURE she likes; and this is, in fact, between the lines, actually simply referring to a night of ribald bedroom raunchiness with you.
Everybody Loves a Guilty Pleasure
The above are just a few different branches off the guilty pleasure tree (there are far more, many of which you will find scattered about this site); but, if you’ve got the foundational mentality down cold, you won’t need to memorize too many of these or come up with more of your own.
Instead, just as the man trying to impress and persuade women that he is a top choice is constantly on the lookout to find ways to impress and persuade, you – the man seeking to become her guilty pleasure – will constantly be on the lookout to tempt, tease, and titillate her instead; and opportunities to do this you will find.
This may seem like a pretty alien concept when you’re starting out, but as you play around with it more and more, it just gets more and more (then more and MORE) fun.
Every woman out there is a sucker for temptation – it’s why, while men have some, women have so many more guilty pleasures that they indulge in: women just LOVE having their brains and hearts hijacked and pulses quickened by something they know they’re not supposed to like or do.
And once you learn to become a guilty pleasure yourself, you eventually start wondering how any man can do anything different... it’s got to be a tough, annoying, frustrating place to be trying to impress and persuade and deal with rebuffs and rejection and women who don’t care about your impressiveness and persuasion. That must suck.
When you are the tempter though, you are simply offering up the apple; some women are strong enough that they can resist, and you merely laugh about this, and resolve to try harder next time; but many other women give in to their whims and your mesmerizing spell, deigning to indulge in enjoying this man whom they know they should not enjoy, but if no one is going to find out about it and there really are no consequences, well, they might as well play with him and sample him... just a little bit...