Sexy Body Language for Men (Learned from Hot Girls)

I thought this would be a fun article to write.

If you haven't spent much time learning body language and expressions from the very sexy and attractive women you meet, you've been missing out on a valuable source of highly applicable lessons in being sexy, seductive, and downright charming. Pretty women might seem like an odd place to learn about men's body language, but they are, in fact, one of your most invaluable sources of preciously good information.

body language for men

In "How Much Do Looks Matter for Romantic Success?" I mentioned learning how to do well with girls mostly from guys who were seemingly naturally good with women. One of the biggest differences between these guys and other guys, I feel like, is that these guys usually have game that mimics that of women.

They get good by essentially taking what women do with them, and doing it right back toward women.

Many of the things on this site that constitute some of my bigger contributions to "game tech" (e.g., deep diving, pre-opening, Law of Least Effort, etc.) are partly or wholly drawn from adapting things I've watched women do with me and others.

I won't review the larger items here I've already covered in detail in other articles on the site - instead, this article will be focused on small little things you can do, that you might not have been aware of, that women do to you all the time and that are just as effective when you do them back. I've broken them down here into two classes: the physical, and facial expressions.

body language for men

First, I'd like to start off with some of the physical / nonverbal things I've picked up from women that work just as well on women when you use them yourself.

In my opinion, these are all very strong ways to generate interest and attraction from girls without having to do all that much to get it.

One note on these: these, and the tips from other sections, can be done in two different ways: demonstrative and subtle.

To differentiate between the two, think:

  • Demonstrative = Awesome Party Guy (e.g., Van Wilder)
  • Subtle = Charming Smooth Seducer (e.g., James Bond)

Each of these has its place - demonstrative is much more congruent when you're running higher energy approaches (if, say, you're approaching a lot of women on the street or in a nightclub), whereas subtle is better if you're doing lower energy approaches (if people are introducing you or you're doing a very good job with pre-opening and subtle opening at an event or in some casual situation).

So imagine these and implement them accordingly - demonstrative when you're high energy, and subtle when you're low.

The Entrance Pose

body language for menWhen you first step into a girl's line of sight, stop and strike a pose. Not like as if someone's about to take your photograph... but rather as if you just needed to pause there, and somewhat dramatically toss your head back a bit, puff out your chest, and throw your shoulders back.

It sounds a little exaggerated, and it is a little exaggerated. The idea is to command the room's attention - you want the pretty girls there to stop and take note of you, while you do not take note of them. You shouldn't be looking at them... they should look at you. What happens here is they get to "watch" you, which subconsciously places you in a kind of mini-celebrity position - suddenly you are being watched by her and her friends and everybody else, and you don't even notice them. When she meets you later, she'll have to pretend she didn't see you, but that mini-celebrity feeling remains.

Head movements: you'll want to majestically look off in the distance of a room or place, while slowly counting to 3, then turn your head to look the other way for another 3 seconds, before continuing into the main area. For instance, you'd step in, stop, pose, and look forward and right, chin parallel to the ground and eyes up over the crowd; then, 3 long seconds later, look forward and left.

You can modify this depending on how you're making your entrance; for instance, if you're striding up onto the beach after having been in the ocean, you can stop and put your head back and run your hands through your wet hair, eyes closed.

The main idea is to get women looking at you and checking you out and feeling almost as if they are watching a model or a movie star or another kind of celebrity. It sounds silly... you may even find it silly the first few times you do it. But it gets you much warmer opens, and you will occasionally get comments about it, too (from the girls who are so excited by you they can't retain their composure - e.g., "I saw you when you came in. I really like your shirt!").

Changing Direction: The Pivot Turn

You'll see this with runway models:

Obviously, this isn't how you want to walk normally. However, there's a very good time to employ the pivot turn, and that's when you need a sudden change in direction.

Ever start walking one way, and suddenly realize you're going entirely the wrong way? You look a little silly if you suddenly turn around and walk back the other way... it looks like you don't know what you're doing.

With the pivot turn, you look so graceful and collected that people don't know why you did it, but tend to assume you must've had a very good reason (which isn't the truth of course... the truth is, you just realized you needed to turn around, and did so in a way that was aesthetically appealing).

If you're moving very quickly when you realize you need to course correct, you can do so exactly as the model does in the video above (except slightly blockier in your movements, to be a bit more masculine). If you're moving slowly, I'd recommend you stop, scan the area in front of you without moving your head, as if looking for someone or something, then pivot and go back the other way.

How much does this matter? It's one of those things that probably doesn't matter 90% of the time, but the 10% that it does, you'll usually never realize that the girl you met later saw you pivot gracefully earlier and that made the difference between her writing you off as an uncollected klutz and hoping to meet you later for being a collected, elegant walker.

You can also use the pivot as a means of getting noticed and creating that mini-celebrity effect when navigating around. e.g., say you want a girl to notice you before you approach her in a bar - you might walk up near a stage where a band is performing, stop and check them out for a few seconds, then pivot and begin walking back in her direction. Combined with a sexy walk, you catch a lot of attention and can frequently get a much warmer reception on "noticing" and opening the girl of your choice than you will by walking up to her and meeting her without her having had a chance to check you out and decide she liked you before.

The Ear Tap

When you're in loud venues - lounges, bars, nightclubs, etc. - one way to get some easy early investment from women that it's almost impossible for them to resist - but that plants you very firmly in command - is to wait until she's talking to you, and tap your ear for her to lean in and speak to you more closely and more loudly.

body language for men

Don't do this too early - you need to have a little rapport first and she needs to feel like you are a warm person who likes her and accepts her... otherwise, she can auto-reject, because this one, while simple, is very commanding and feels like a lot of investment.

You'll also need to reward her after she does - a warm (but mildly aloof) smile, coupled with putting your hand on her arm and/or approving of what she's told you works well here. The gist is, you want her to feel glad for having leaned in and complied.

Pull this one off right, and it rockets forward investment (and greatly raises attraction).

Oh, and for the record, when girls do this to you it's usually a bad sign - it's a sign they feel dominant enough to you that they can issue commands. Your best bet response-wise is to pull them in close to you so they can better hear - if they don't like you, they'll resist or act annoyed (but it wasn't going anywhere with them anyway); conversely, if they were flirting with you and testing you, they'll only become more interested.

The Nonverbal Interruption

It's not something you want to overuse - in fact, unless she's a real Chatty Cathy, you'll probably only use it once with any given girl - but interrupting a girl nonverbally is another powerful signal that you're the one in charge of the interaction, and something that gets her firmly following your lead.

To pull this one off, when you have need to interrupt a girl:

  1. Hold up your fingers in a, "Hold on a second," gesture

  2. Widen your eyes and raise your eyebrows, to catch her attention

  3. If she continues talking, raise your other hand and send a tremor through your hands for emphasis

Once you have her attention, point out what you wanted to point out - and it should be something relevant to what she was saying, usually (occasionally, you can point something else out if, say, you were discussing it earlier and an example walks by - say you're at a café where you were joking about a strange pastry on display earlier, and you notice someone buying it - you can interrupt her to point this out to her and both of you will laugh).

Interrupting this way is very dominant, and communicates that you are more aware of the surroundings than she is and completely comfortable ordering and commanding women (and her, of course).

The “Whatever” Shrug

If a girl is teasing you about something you don't really want to engage on, shrugging is a good option... but only if you shrug the right way.

If you shrug too casually or seriously, it looks like you're communicating you do not care about her opinion, and she can auto-reject. It's important you don't do this.

However, if you shrug by doing this:

  1. Shrugging your shoulders quickly and lightly - sort of a fast "half shrug"

  2. Glancing quickly off to the side and turning your head somewhat

  3. Making an exaggerated "Okay, whatever," face as you look away

... you communicate ever so slightly that YOU are starting to go into auto-rejection... in a cool, socially-calibrated way.

body language for men

What happens here is this: girls will usually start chasing, begin to rein themselves in, and try and act more considerately toward you and spend more time focused on your reactions. What's the good in that? It's all investment.

It might sound silly and slight, but this one can really get girls chasing you if done correctly... however, it must come as a response to a girl overstepping her bounds and being socially awkward and overly insulting in her teasing, and you can't go right back to being warm with her immediately after. You need to be tentative and on guard... she needs to gradually win you back and pull you out of auto-rejection.

For that reason, this one is better saved until you really know what you're doing, and are comfortable enough using social pressure that you know how to build it and maintain it and use it in a way that lets girls gradually unwind the pressure, rather than you doing so yourself.

Until you reach that point - the point where you can really play hard to get and let women pursue you - you're better off using the skeptical look when you hear weird things from women or things that move the interaction backwards.

body language for men

Next on the list are facial expressions. As with the physical tips above, you can do these either demonstrative (more exaggerated) or subtle (less exaggerated), and you'll want to adjust that to fit with your overall tone while approaching.

Facial expressions are a very low effort way for you to communicate with women, and this makes them very attractive. Anything that ups your sprezzatura makes you appear a more dominant, more powerful, more attractive man.

We've already discussed the skeptical look and the bored look before; now, we'll examine a few more expressions.

The Cute and Sexy Look

Ever seen Zoolander? Well guess what... "Blue Steel" is real.

Although, slightly less dramatic than Ben Stiller makes it out to be in that flick.

body language for men

I first noticed girls doing this, and then I started noticing that every guy I knew who was really good with girls did it too. My initial reaction was, "That's a sort of gay expression," but they'd do it whenever we were out, and get great receptions from women. I started paying attention to male actors in movies - they did it too. Even James Bond does it - Sean Connery, Pierce Brosnan, Daniel Craig - all do the "cute and sexy look."

body language for men

The normal components of this look are:

  • An underlook: chin tucked down, eyes peaking up

  • Slightly pursed lips in a slight, impish smile

  • Eyebrows: up if you need to look less intimidating (if you're generally very masculine), down if you need to look more intimidating (if you're still working on your masculinity)

  • Optional: a hand or other object near your face to draw attention to this look

When wearing this facial expression, you will:

  • Get stronger initial attraction from women
  • Get opened and get approached more frequently by women
  • Get women chasing you more and investing in you more readily
  • Get more leeway with women and much reduced odds of auto-rejection
  • Get faster escalations and larger escalation windows

body language for menThis facial expression really is a magical attraction amplifier, and it's one everyone who's very good with women learns to do naturally on his own anyway - it just gets such consistently good feedback from women.

Why's this look so powerful? Why do men find it alluring when women do it, why do women find it alluring when men do it, and how has it become so famous that it even received its own ode / parody by Ben Stiller?

Honestly, the best I've been able to do theory-wise is an assumption that it's some combination of looking both sexy and vulnerable that drives members of the opposite sex wild... but I'm not even sure how or why. It may be some kind of mating signal, signaling individuals that are receptive to sexual advances.

Whatever the reason why it works though, it works, and it's a lot of fun to do.

The “Well, Anyway” Look

This expression is one used to both poke a little fun at your conversation partner, and to hint to her in no unsubtle terms that it's time to get off this topic and onto one that's moving the conversation forward, before it's too late.

To get an idea of what this looks like, see the girl in the image below:

body language for men

... now imagine that the second part of this is for her to close her mouth and exhale in a somewhat exasperated sigh.

For added effect, she may slowly nod her head up and down a few times, all while looking off in the other direction.

Step-by-step, it looks like this:

  • Raise your eyebrows dramatically, while inhaling deeply, widening your eyes, turning your head to the side, and moving your eyes off to the side (it's as if you're looking at someone next to you and communicating, "Can you believe this?" except that there's nobody there)

  • Open your mouth as if you're just about to say something... but, no, it isn't worth it. Slowly close it again

  • Optional: after you close your mouth, keep your eyebrows up and slowly nod several times

This creates some slight social pressure and social awkwardness that compels her to fix the situation. This is one that, like the "whatever" shrug, is best used when you know how to handle social pressure appropriately and use this only when girls are being awkward, aren't responding to your signals, or they're getting stuck on some bad topic or beating a dead horse too much.

Facial Tapping

When you're somewhere seated - at a table, at a bar - and you're in intimate conversation with a girl, you can use something I call "facial tapping" to draw more attention to your face.

Facial tapping includes:

  • Tapping or rubbing your temple
  • Stroking your chin or along your mouth
  • Tapping your cheekbone (under your eye) or drumming your fingers on it
  • Running your hand along the back of your neck just under your hairline
  • Running your hand from the back of your neck along the front of your neck

This was one I picked up wholly unconsciously and didn't realize I'd started doing until I had to describe to a friend how you can call attention to your eyes better when you're making sexual eye contact with women. But after I became aware of it, I started noticing that I was paying attention to women using similar gestures, as well as very sexually attractive men, and my assumption is I picked it up from them.

Why would you want to draw more attention to your face? It makes your conversation partner focus more intently on your face, which amplifies the power of the facial expressions you're making and gets her more zeroed in on you in general.

And the more focused on you someone feels, generally, the stronger she'll feel the connection between the two of you is, and the more powerful the bond feels. The more quickly you can move with her generally, too, and the more sexually excited she tends to become, assuming you're using your facial features to build sexual tension.

Bedroom Eyes

body language for menFor creating the right kind of sexual vibe, using bedroom eyes (and a bedroom voice) helps immensely.

The easiest way to get yourself doing bedroom eyes is to have yourself look at a woman the same way you'd look at her in the bedroom... saucy, seductive, and sensual. Just imagine yourself in the bedroom instead of out in public as you gaze at her, and your eye contact will normally adjust automatically here.

If you still struggle to get your head around what the difference is between bedroom eyes and any other sort of eye contact, here's the how-to:

  • Lower your eyelids slightly - not enough that you look like you're asleep, but enough so that you look somewhat "dreamy"

  • Unfocus your eyes just a bit - not so much that everything becomes blurry, but more as if you are only focused on what's directly in front of you (which, of course, is her)

  • Even as your eyes are unfocused distance-wise, have them laser-focused on the face and eyes of the woman you're speaking with - the stare you're going for here is soft but intense

Because of the mirror neurons that fire in her brain, when she's looking at you and you're making this face at her, her mirror neurons will cause her to begin to mimic your body language in this way... and to feel the effects of it. Through bedroom eyes, you can make women more sexually primed with your eyes alone.

Triangle Gazing

This one's an old one but a good one.

"Triangle gazing" is the old term given to looking from each of a girl's eyes down to her mouth and back. Because there are three points, your eyes are considered here to move in a "triangle." If you're using eye contact the way we've discussed on here before (e.g., in "Eye Contact Flirting"), you'll actually only be covering two points - the bridge of her nose in between her eyes, and her lips.

People are extremely sensitive to even slight eye movements. You may not think something as minor as your eyes moving back and forth between her eyes and her lips will be noticed... but she will notice it.

body language for men

She probably will not be consciously aware of it. All she'll know consciously is that it seems like you are very attracted to her and very sexually interested in her... and if the feeling is mutual, she'll begin to become excited (if the feeling isn't mutual, of course, she'll start feeling awkward and most likely excuse herself).

You can use this simple maneuver to:

  • Increase the sexual tension between you and her
  • Screen out women who aren't interested in you sexually
  • Prepare her for a kiss

The communication in triangle gazing is, "I'm looking at your mouth because I'm thinking about kissing it."

Alternately, if you notice women staring at your mouth, unless you have a piece of food stuck in your teeth, you can usually safely assume this means the same thing (especially if they're staring at you with bedroom eyes, and their eyes are darting from mouth to eyes, eyes to mouth, and back repeatedly).

The Power of Body Language

Body language is extremely important to creating desire in women and communicating power and dominance. The most attractive men are the men who've focused on their nonverbal fundamentals like body language and eye contact and facial expressions to the point where they have them down as well as the sexiest men and sexiest women.

Women have a lot they can teach you on being very sexually attractive with your nonverbals, and if you're paying attention as you meet them and talk to them, you can pick these lessons up naturally and adopt them for your own use.

Men's body language is something that's greatly under-discussed because it's something that usually doesn't lead to any strong visible reaction. Unlike something you say, you aren't able to say, "I did X, and as a results she said or did Y." Which can make figuring out the right nonverbals to use and the right time to use them a good deal more difficult.

However, once you have these added to your toolbox, you've placed another set of effective new tools into use - and you'll be just as good at exciting the girls who see you doing this as you feel watching them do it.

Chase Amante

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his Mastery Package.


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Knight's picture

You're beasting out the articles Chase!

Chase Amante's picture

Thanks Knight ;)

Al's picture

Two questions chase. As quite an anxious person I carry a lot of tension in my face and look scared/aggressive all to often any tips on how to correct this? Secondly I recall in an article on voice you said you got your voice to a "should be on the radio standard". How specifically did you do this? Voice is the main fundemental I struggle with, did you follow a programme?

Best wishes, Al

Chase Amante's picture


Tense facial muscles / a scary appearance is definitely one to handle, and the only way to do it is forcing yourself to pay attention to your body language and train it over a period of time. Start by forcing your eyebrows to be raised higher and your mouth to be in a more relaxed slight smile. You'll have to monitor your face and keep fixing your expressions for the first month or so, and it'll even feel like you're doing work to keep your face that way. Eventually, your muscles become accustomed to holding your face in that position, and going back to the old scary / tense positions feels like work. You'll spend 4 to 8 weeks vigilantly monitoring yourself and correcting it though, so do be prepared for that and don't get discouraged when your face keeps tensing up again after the first week.

On voice, I go into it in some detail here: Book Excerpts: Get a Sexy Voice, and a bit more in the book. Mainly, the way I did it (and the way most people do it, I reckon) is just starting to talk like someone you want to sound like, and doing that until that becomes your default way of talking. It'll feel odd at first, but, just like the facial muscles, you'll get used to it. You can also seek out voice coaches, who can help; although you'll need to do some research, as most voice coaches are focused on training you how to sing well, rather than speak well. Another option is recording yourself and listening to your voice and refining - I spent a fair amount of time recording Hip-Hop music in university, and it forced me to become very articulate in order to have a crisp-sounding voice over the music.


AJ's picture

Hi Chase, good job on the article I think this is a very important aspect of game that is commonly overlooked. I have seen great results from even minor changes in body language though I think newer guys may find it hard to read a woman's subtle reactions to their body language. Anyways, I have a situation I'm in at the moment and am hoping you could clue me in on what to do. I have phrased it as if you were in the situation:

If you were to meet 3 highly attractive women (who are sisters) who work in a restaurant that you started frequenting and below is how they usually react to you, who would you escalate on?

Girl A: Always chatty, gives you light kino and is always smiling, you very often catch her looking at you. Hinted that Girl B has a thing for you.

Girl B: Not as chatty but always smiling and you ALWAYS catch her staring at you when she doesn't think you can see her, so much so that a friend you go with has noticed and pointed it out more than once. Girl B had a regrettable look on her face when she told you she has a man (because you saw a ring on her finger and questioned if she was married)

Girl C: Quiet but constantly looks your way.

here's the questions:

1) Do they just see you as a customer and are trying to string you along in hopes that you will keep frequenting their joint? (bear in mind that after having compared the way they treat their other horde of male clientelle, you notice they are much warmer and receptive to you and also more flirty)

2) You currently flirt with all of them lightly, though you need to escalate on one. Problem is if you escalate on the wrong one who is not keen on cheating on her bf with you, you lose the rest of them as they will not want to be seen as the second choice especially to their own sister. Personally, all these women meet your criteria on what you want in a lady and not just in the physical sense. So who do you ask out on a date?

Chase Amante's picture


I almost feel like I should answer this one in a parable. I don't know why.

What you want to do in an ideal world is get into another situation where chatty Girl A is talking about how Girl B likes you again, and then you want to ask the following questions:

  • She has a fiancé, doesn't she?

  • Do you think I should go for her anyway?

  • [if yes] How should I go about getting things going with her?

  • You won't tell her any of this now, will you? I don't want her feeling like there's a lot of pressure or anything.

If you can ask those questions, you get the intel you need: whether Girl B is really serious about the fiancé, whether she'll be open to your advances regardless of the fiancé if you make any (or whether she's too committed to him and is considering this more a harmless flirtation), and whether it's going to cause a lot of hoopla.

Remember, you're not saying, "Can I go for her?" you're saying, "Do you think I should go for her?" You're getting Girl A to give you her opinion on what she thinks you should do.

When Girl A told you Girl B liked you, she was probably trying to push you to do something. She's behaving like the Mother Hen who's decided you aren't quite exciting or dominant enough for her, but might be just right for her friend / sister (and that's no judgment on you; you can come off very different ways in different circumstances with different people).

If Girl A ends up telling you not to go for Girl B, that's the green light you need to angle for Girl C instead.

If you're not sure how to resume the conversation with Girl A about Girl B, you can ask Girl A, "Hey Girl A, is Girl B still crushing on me? I'm still catching the odd flirty glance here and there. Or do I just think too highly of myself?"


AJ's picture

That's a brilliant reply Chase, thank you. I'll try that out when I next see them, keep up the great work!

Anonymous's picture

Great article Chase.

There’s particular people you mention recurrently on this site for having great body language/vibe; George Clooney, Brad Pitt, James Bond (Sean Connery, but also Pierce Brosnan), and Val Kilmer.

I want to model myself on one of these, so that I act the way they do, move the way they do etc, and I can then project my own personality onto the solid fundamentals I have taken from them.

Who do you consider to have the best body language/vibe, out of all of these?


Chase Amante's picture


For this one, it really comes down to your own personal choice. Throw George, Brad, Sean, Pierce, and Val onto a dating show and ask a girl to choose, and who's she going to go for? I think the pick at that point is going to depend very much on the girl's individual preferences.

I couldn't do Brad Pitt, for instance, because he's got this kind of "sad guy" feel to him that's just a little too down for me. A Sean Connery or a Val Kilmer is closer to my preferred style - smooth, but with a hint of playfulness and this rebellious streak. George Clooney is a bit too mainstream for me - he's edgy, but in a "your cool older brother who's good with a screwdriver" kind of edgy rather than a "travels the world seducing women and getting himself into and out of trouble" kind of edgy.

However, if you have more of the sad, mysterious vibe going on, Brad Pitt's a better fit for you. Or if you're more of an everyman type of guy, George Clooney fits better. If you're a bit of a jokester, a Pierce Brosnan or a Ryan Reynolds, both of whom like to ham it up, will work well.

You'll almost certainly have a natural inclination toward some of these actors when you watch them - it's the guy you watch and you say to yourself, "That guy is just COOL. That's what I want to be like when I've got my stuff all bolted down tight." Whereas other guys, you'll watch and say, "Yeah, he's chill, but not really my style."

If you're not sure what "type" appeals to you most, spend some time watching different actors, and pay close attention to your own emotional reactions to them. When you find an actor that gives you that feeling - like, "That's basically a cooler version of me doing all the stuff I want to do," you know you've found someone you can model yourself after.


Zac's picture

Omg Chase.

My secret. The pivot turn. Gah!!! Mind u, not exactly pivot turn but i do it like that much in slow motion and ppl notice it. :)


Chase Amante's picture


It's times like this you wish you could patent body movements, isn't it?


Zac's picture


Never really a fan of patent, Maybe i don't know business that much, but Remember the time where the internet shuts down a few days because of SOPA? and people gather people to stop piracy act? Something related, here, i thought of guys in general like us, and every man in the world, and why a lot of men try to do all the "stops" to other guys stealing their girlfriends, or girls whom are not theirs, yet. One can only do so much to prevent, (anything, from a girl talking to other girls about you being their boyfriend, to getting other guys trying to cockblock and people taking value from you. )

Given an example like Samsung, where it's colour in its phones that are so hard to imitate, because it's so vivid and clear. Even the China brands find it hard. (Not to discredit China, but Samsung done a good job, ) and for Girlschase, you done something like this as well.

Also, I'm quite astonished, Chase. Your ability to redirect energy is brilliant. It's like knowing when to be evasive, when to draw line, when to redirect negativity.

Abit off topic, Back to top, We discredit ourselves too much, and we often forget that no matter how much game we all have, if we don't really believe we have something to offer, and in Girlschase terminology, If you don't believe what you learn here, and you don't blend it with who you are and what you do, you can never really have the "BE" effect. It applies to other field as well. (and now i speak like a Professor! who has a Master Degree.)

As to your question, Sheesh... i be having numbers all over my body. Ahaks.


Funman's picture

Hey chase, once again a very informative article.

My questions are

1) Is there any particular movie character whose presence would be similar to your style of Game/ Vibe?

I can't imagine Van Wilder coz he is not mysterious nor James Bond because I have not seen Bond approaching women by giving them compliments......

I am assuming Oliver Martinez in Unfaithful. Check out the trailer if you haven't watched the movie. This movie shows the guy in the "lover" category as you write in your articles...........

2) I do not believe in the rating scale either regarding 9s and 10s etc.
But for the sake of my question how often do attractive girls get approached in your opinion? attractive meaning (girls who are considered 6-10)

I do know that girls who are attractive are constantly given compliments and favors from guys in their social circle. ( specially on facebook, if she posts a new picture, so many guy friends would say , you are gorgeous etc)
Guys are always helping attractive girls by carrying their bags in the grocery store/ laundromat etc......

But my question how often do they actually get approached? (cold approach) . From my observation , I am assuming hardly ever....

I have even asked this question from girls they say , they don't get approached...... (unless its some drunk dude at the bar saying "hey gorgeous, or guys approaching them at the dance floor).

3) In the previous article you talked about guys who are "naturals". From my observation the style of game of a "natural" may vary from which part of the world he comes from.

From my observation someone from Europe usually is giving compliments to the girls like the guy from the movie Unfaithful.

However, naturals which I have seen in the US , these are guys who are Van Wilder type of guys, social animals, life of the party i've not seen them giving compliments to girls or at least open with compliments.

There is such such a big difference among the kind of guys who do well with women.

On one hand there is Mr mysterious seducer constantly giving compliments showing overt interest on the other hand guys (these are guys in the US) who are social animals who never show overt interest, carefree social guys. Mr social just out there to have a good time and in the process meets a girl , one thing leads to the other she is joining him for an after party etc.....

What are your thoughts for a guy who is a student of dating whom shall he emulate?

4) My understanding is being socially charming is different than being seductively charming.
What are the characteristics of a charming guy when it comes to seducing women specifically ?

Thanks so much for such an amazing website.



Chase Amante's picture


You're right - those are some good questions... made me think a bit, too!

I'm closer to a Sean Connery / Val Kilmer style. There's a combination of the sexual vibe and good conversation with a mix of sexual teasing and jokey flirting, and I'm acting faux surprised / faux hurt a lot, but in a calm voice that makes it clear she hasn't actually affected me emotionally. It's about showing her that I'm calmly enjoying myself, while toying with her, while not being affected by the things that send most men running for the hills.

As for whom YOU ought to emulate, well, that very much depends on your own default style. I have friends who are bursting with energy, and one of those guys trying to emulate Sean Connery is going to make a mess of it. However, him doing Van Wilder may fit just right. As with the comment a few above yours, my recommendation is that you watch different film actors, and wait to find one that you're able to say, "Yeah, that's me, in a few years with better fundamentals and a more excellent lifestyle."

How often girls actually get approached depends on what kinds of environments they're in. If they're party girls and regularly go to bars, nightclubs, and parties, they get hit on pretty often, although the caliber of man is generally not that high. If they NEVER go to parties or events, on the other hand, they may only get approached a few times a week in most cities, even if they're very attractive. In fact, in my experience, the most beautiful girls get approached less than the ones who are just cute, supposedly because most normal men are too intimidated by them to approach.

As far as social vs. seductive - that's one that deserves an article in its own right. Great distinction to make. I'll see about getting one up. But I can tell you right now, the main difference is that a man who's socially charming is all about upping the fun and building connections with as many people as possible, while the man who's seductively charming is zeroed in on just one person - and she feels pretty special because of it.


smooth's picture

Great article chase.I will soon be visiting a country in eastern europe and am going to try to implement your advice from your foreign women article,im a little confused though,in that article you say that it actually hurts you to learn the language of the country your visiting,and then you say that you need to lead women even more so because of language barrier.But in the leading women article most of the tips are about leading verbally?,conversationally and so on..Can you give me some specifc examples of leading a women non verbally in a place like a bar or club,or even the street in a foregn country?

Chase Amante's picture


Excellent to hear! I have a few friends in Eastern Europe right now, and they're having blasts over there. Plenty of beautiful women in many parts of EE. Depending on which country and which city, there are varying levels of English in Eastern Europe, the capital cities necessarily having more English speakers.

On leading sans words, see this article, of which about the second half or so is devoted primarily to leading women who don't speak your language:

Nonverbal Attraction and Getting Girls Without Words


lucifer7's picture

"Foreign girls" for you would be all the world minus USA, a bit of a broad pool for tailoring behaviour, and that even allowing you need to tailor behaviour depending on each specific Country.. :).

Anyway, definitely no shortage of pretty girls around EE.

Write back if you'd like to catch up :).

Balla's picture

Hey Chase, I have a few questions. How does a Guy get verbal tight game and what is verbal type game? is it deep diving, complimenting, or something else? To me it sounds like having a gift a gab. so how do you have verbal tight game and what is it?
I have a low voice and I can't stand it! I talk slow and I talk from my chest, but my voice is very low as in hard of hearing. how can I talk louder without yelling?

Last question is this. I work a lot so I'm mostly at my job, which is at a supermarket. I see some attractive girls but don't know how to approach them. How can I use these girls as practice for my pick up skills without getting in trouble. I really need to do this because I need the experience points and since I'm working all the time I might as well work on it there since I'm there everyday and it'll make it easier for when I'm not at work. I did read your store pick up article, but I don't feel comfortable doing it since everyone pretty much knows me because of my name tag and the fact that I work there. Thanks Chase.

Chase Amante's picture


Verbal game in my opinion is part witty quips, part insightful pearls of wisdom, and part asking piercing, probing questions (deep diving, conversationalist, eliciting values) and getting others to open up about themselves and show you who they are. I'm planning what will most likely be a monster-sized "how to be funny" article that will talk about being witty in a genuinely socially attractive (i.e., non-try hard / dancing monkey) way. No promises on when that goes up though, as I'll really need a big block of uninterrupted time to write it.

On voice, I have a suspicion you may be depressing your hyoid (a bone in the throat that makes your voice huskier and quieter when depressed by the back of your tongue). I discussed the process voice coaches will take you through to correct this in "Book Excerpts: Get a Sexy Voice" - you can also usually correct it with just one lesson with a voice / singing coach if you tell them what you think the problem is so they can target it in the session.

On grocery stores - I answered your original comment on this here in November; you'll use the same material you'll find in this article: How to Pick Up Girls Shopping for Gifts or Groceries, just modify it a bit for the environment - e.g., be a bit more conservative about whom you approach, and only approach with indirect/humorous and after you've received a signal from a girl that she's interested, so you aren't risking your job.


Anonymous's picture

If I were to choose a character to model It would be Hank Moody from Californication.

But before I go off and start adapting some of his style into my own I'd appreciate a little feedback on what exactly makes him so appealing to women

You have a knack for deconstructing things, so I'd appreciate some advice on this

Chase Amante's picture


Well, this one came out a little too late for me (I quit TV in 2002), but I used to watch David Duchovny on The X-Files back in the 1990s and I remember he was making quite a stir sleeping his way through Hollywood. He has a very disarming way about him - that same devil may care attitude mentioned in the more recent article - and you'll notice he's always using that same sexy cute look mentioned in the article. In addition to this, he has a very sexy voice with a low rumble / purr to it that women tend to find quite alluring.

I'm sure there's more he's doing in the television show - he wasn't doing a whole lot of seducing in X-Files - but I won't speculate since I haven't seen it. If I ever get to check out a few episodes, though, I'll post an update.


Anonymous's picture

Chase, you've made post on how to pick up girls in many places. So I'd be interested in how to successfully picking up girls at Theme Parks.

-Thanks man

Chase Amante's picture


Honestly, I've never been to a theme park when I wasn't with family or with a girlfriend - I've never tried to meet girls at one of these! I can't imagine there'd be a lot of single / unattached women at them, either - although maybe you're hip to something I don't know.

If anyone else has experience here, feel free to weigh in - you've got me stumped, Anon!


Anonymous's picture

Another excellent read. Good stuff, man.

I was wondering if you could put out any content on how to deal with with narcissistic, overly selfish women. They're tougher to deal with on some levels and I'd love to see what kind of content you have for how to deal with that type of woman.


Chase Amante's picture


Sure - that'd make for a good one. I'll add it to the upcoming articles list.


Anonymous's picture

hi chase how can a teenager begin to have sex .I am a senior but I don't know where to start? Do I just try and get the hand of it or what?

Chase Amante's picture


Check out the discussion boards, particularly the Sex Board - we have a couple of good posts there by guys for beginners.

A few that should help:

First Sex

Sex Tips for Beginners


Anonymous's picture

I am a high schooler and im wondering how you can make yourself seem sexier and more manly if you still seem young. Are there any younger actors with top-notch nonverbals and fundamentals? It would be nice to have role models at least fifteen years within my own age. And can you elaborate more on the different kinds of sexy vibe? Is there that big of a difference? You mentioned in one of the comments above that some like Ryan Reynolds and Pierce Brosnan are a sort of funny sexy, while Brad Pitt is a sad sexy, and Sean Connery is a smooth sexy. What are some other styles of vibe?
I'm sorry there are a lot of topics I've discussed. But what are your thoughts on these ideas?

Chase Amante's picture


Ian Somerhalder is one I'd probably recommend. There was a discussion about him on the boards with a number of examples / videos of him here. You might be surprised at his actual age (he's a fair bit older than he looks), but he normally plays pretty young characters - e.g., in Lost, the Vampire Diaries, etc. He plays a "sad sexy," brooding kind of character... a lost, tormented soul in need of saving. I feel like this is often the best fit with the teenage years - you're too socially unrefined to pull off too much smoothness yet (although you can be playful sexy), and you don't yet have the nuance for properly combining sexiness and too much humor.

On the different kinds of sexy vibe - off the top of my head, it'd be sad/brooding, smooth/playful, funny/smarmy. There might be others, I'd need to sit and give it some thought / page through some examples. Let me add it to the article queue, and I'll see what I can do.


tayoisrich's picture

I tend to model behavior after Frank Lucas (played by Denzel Washinghton) in the movie American Gangster (Cuba Goodings played Nicky Barnes)... but sometimes I come off as being to "hard"...

I hear voices in my head...

Chase Amante's picture


Denzel is an intense dude - going for his vibe is like grabbing hold of an ICBM. Wildly good results if you point it in the right place, but a lot of collateral damage if your aim is off the mark.

That's the blessing and the curse that is intensity - too much of it focused on not quite the right area, and you're "too hard." Get it right and you end up on the sexiest people in Hollywood list like Denzel is.

That doesn't mean shy away from it though - rather, what you want to do is probably pay more attention to when and how he defuses tension - e.g., one of the things Denzel is great at is controlling the building and release of tension... he'll be staring intense and focused, and the other person will be wondering what he's going to do, and it just hangs in the air... and hangs in the air... and the expectation builds... and then he bursts into a broad, toothy smile and warmly reassures the other person it's fine. I had a schoolmate in college who I'm sure was modeling himself after Denzel, and he'd always do this (build tension, then release it with a huge toothy smile and a friendly demeanor), and he always seemed powerful and charismatic (and he seemed to have no shortage of pretty girls wanting to spend time with him).


Josh's picture

You didn't mention (although its possible you may have mentioned it on other posts) about a particular eye contact right before closing.

I find that once a girl becomes comfortable with you and decides she likes you, she gives what is almost a direct stare directly into your eyes with a smile. I have found that YOU HAVE TO COPY HER and sustain it confidently. It usually leads to making out and going home with her etc.
Although I found if you don't give her back the same stare, as I did in earlier days (more out of nervousness than anything) than that's an escalation window missed.



lucifer's picture

Hey Chase, I was just thinking about this popular PUA move of the triangular gazing.

It gives me the feeling it's a bit weak to be used as a "technique" before kissing because it implies you need a technique or a "warm up" before actually going for what you feel like doing -provided the timing is not too wrong of course-.

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