Sexy Body Language for Men (Learned from Hot Girls)
Sunday, 28 April 2013
I thought this would be a fun article to write.
If you haven't spent much time learning body language and expressions from
the very sexy and attractive women
you've been missing out on a valuable source of highly applicable
lessons in being sexy, seductive, and downright charming. Pretty women
seem like an odd place to learn about men's
body language, but they are, in fact, one of your most
invaluable sources of preciously good information.
In "How Much Do Looks Matter for Romantic Success?" I mentioned learning how to do well with girls mostly from guys who were seemingly naturally good with women. One of the biggest differences between these guys and other guys, I feel like, is that these guys usually have game that mimics that of women.
They get good by essentially taking what women do with them, and doing it right back toward women.
Many of the things on this site that constitute some of my bigger contributions to "game tech" (e.g., deep diving, pre-opening, Law of Least Effort, etc.) are partly or wholly drawn from adapting things I've watched women do with me and others.
I won't review the larger items here I've already covered in detail
in other articles on the site - instead, this article will be focused
on small little things you can do, that you might not have been aware
of, that women do to you all the time and that are just as effective when you do them
back. I've broken them down here into two classes: the physical, and
First, I'd like to start off with some of the physical / nonverbal things I've picked up from women that work just as well on women when you use them yourself.
In my opinion, these are all very strong ways to generate interest and attraction from girls without having to do all that much to get it.
One note on these: these, and the tips from other sections, can be done in two different ways: demonstrative and subtle.
To differentiate between the two, think:
- Demonstrative = Awesome Party Guy (e.g., Van Wilder)
- Subtle = Charming Smooth Seducer (e.g., James Bond)
Each of these has its place - demonstrative is much more congruent when you're running higher energy approaches (if, say, you're approaching a lot of women on the street or in a nightclub), whereas subtle is better if you're doing lower energy approaches (if people are introducing you or you're doing a very good job with pre-opening and subtle opening at an event or in some casual situation).
So imagine these and implement them accordingly - demonstrative when
you're high energy, and subtle when you're low.
The Entrance Pose
When you first step into a girl's line of sight, stop and strike a pose. Not like as if someone's about to take your photograph... but rather as if you just needed to pause there, and somewhat dramatically toss your head back a bit, puff out your chest, and throw your shoulders back.
It sounds a little exaggerated, and it is a little exaggerated. The idea is to command the room's attention - you want the pretty girls there to stop and take note of you, while you do not take note of them. You shouldn't be looking at them... they should look at you. What happens here is they get to "watch" you, which subconsciously places you in a kind of mini-celebrity position - suddenly you are being watched by her and her friends and everybody else, and you don't even notice them. When she meets you later, she'll have to pretend she didn't see you, but that mini-celebrity feeling remains.
Head movements: you'll want to majestically look off in the distance
of a room or place, while slowly counting to 3, then turn your head to
look the other way for another 3 seconds, before continuing into the
main area. For instance, you'd step in, stop, pose, and look forward
and right, chin parallel to the ground and eyes up over the crowd;
then, 3 long seconds later, look forward and left.
You can modify this depending on how you're making your entrance; for instance, if you're striding up onto the beach after having been in the ocean, you can stop and put your head back and run your hands through your wet hair, eyes closed.
The main idea is to get women
looking at you and checking you out and feeling almost as if they are
watching a model or a movie star or another kind of celebrity.
It sounds silly... you may even find it silly the first few times you
do it. But it gets you much warmer opens, and you will occasionally get
comments about it, too (from the girls who are so excited by you they
can't retain their composure - e.g., "I saw you when you came in. I
really like your shirt!").
Changing Direction: The Pivot Turn
You'll see this with runway models:
Obviously, this isn't how you want to walk normally. However, there's a very good time to employ the pivot turn, and that's when you need a sudden change in direction.
Ever start walking one way, and suddenly realize you're going entirely the wrong way? You look a little silly if you suddenly turn around and walk back the other way... it looks like you don't know what you're doing.
With the pivot turn, you look so graceful and collected that people don't know why you did it, but tend to assume you must've had a very good reason (which isn't the truth of course... the truth is, you just realized you needed to turn around, and did so in a way that was aesthetically appealing).
If you're moving very quickly when you realize you need to course correct, you can do so exactly as the model does in the video above (except slightly blockier in your movements, to be a bit more masculine). If you're moving slowly, I'd recommend you stop, scan the area in front of you without moving your head, as if looking for someone or something, then pivot and go back the other way.
How much does this matter? It's one of those things that probably doesn't matter 90% of the time, but the 10% that it does, you'll usually never realize that the girl you met later saw you pivot gracefully earlier and that made the difference between her writing you off as an uncollected klutz and hoping to meet you later for being a collected, elegant walker.
You can also use the pivot as a means of getting noticed and
creating that mini-celebrity effect when navigating around. e.g., say
you want a girl to notice you before you approach her in a bar - you
might walk up near a stage where a band is performing, stop and check
them out for a few seconds, then pivot and begin walking back in her
direction. Combined with a sexy walk, you
catch a lot of attention and can frequently get a much warmer reception
on "noticing" and opening the girl of your choice than you will by
walking up to her and meeting her without her having had a chance to
check you out and decide she liked you before.
The Ear Tap
When you're in loud venues - lounges, bars, nightclubs, etc. - one way to get some easy early investment from women that it's almost impossible for them to resist - but that plants you very firmly in command - is to wait until she's talking to you, and tap your ear for her to lean in and speak to you more closely and more loudly.
Don't do this too early - you need to have a little rapport first and she needs to feel like you are a warm person who likes her and accepts her... otherwise, she can auto-reject, because this one, while simple, is very commanding and feels like a lot of investment.
You'll also need to reward her after she does - a warm (but mildly aloof) smile, coupled with putting your hand on her arm and/or approving of what she's told you works well here. The gist is, you want her to feel glad for having leaned in and complied.
Pull this one off right, and it rockets forward investment (and greatly raises attraction).
Oh, and for the record, when girls do this to you it's usually a bad sign - it's a sign they feel dominant enough to you that they can issue commands. Your best bet response-wise is to pull them in close to you so they can better hear - if they don't like you, they'll resist or act annoyed (but it wasn't going anywhere with them anyway); conversely, if they were flirting with you and testing you, they'll only become more interested.
The Nonverbal Interruption
It's not something you want to overuse - in fact, unless she's a real Chatty Cathy, you'll probably only use it once with any given girl - but interrupting a girl nonverbally is another powerful signal that you're the one in charge of the interaction, and something that gets her firmly following your lead.
To pull this one off, when you have need to interrupt a girl:
Hold up your fingers in a, "Hold on a second," gesture
Widen your eyes and raise your eyebrows, to catch her attention
If she continues talking, raise your other hand and send a tremor through your hands for emphasis
Once you have her attention, point out what you wanted to point out - and it should be something relevant to what she was saying, usually (occasionally, you can point something else out if, say, you were discussing it earlier and an example walks by - say you're at a café where you were joking about a strange pastry on display earlier, and you notice someone buying it - you can interrupt her to point this out to her and both of you will laugh).
Interrupting this way is very dominant, and communicates that you are more aware of the surroundings than she is and completely comfortable ordering and commanding women (and her, of course).
The “Whatever” Shrug
If a girl is teasing you about something you don't really want to engage on, shrugging is a good option... but only if you shrug the right way.
If you shrug too casually or seriously, it looks like you're communicating you do not care about her opinion, and she can auto-reject. It's important you don't do this.
However, if you shrug by doing this:
Shrugging your shoulders quickly and lightly - sort of a fast "half shrug"
Glancing quickly off to the side and turning your head somewhat
Making an exaggerated "Okay, whatever," face as you look away
... you communicate ever so slightly that YOU are starting to go into auto-rejection... in a cool, socially-calibrated way.
What happens here is this: girls will usually start chasing, begin to rein themselves in, and try and act more considerately toward you and spend more time focused on your reactions. What's the good in that? It's all investment.
It might sound silly and slight, but this one can really get girls chasing you if done correctly... however, it must come as a response to a girl overstepping her bounds and being socially awkward and overly insulting in her teasing, and you can't go right back to being warm with her immediately after. You need to be tentative and on guard... she needs to gradually win you back and pull you out of auto-rejection.
For that reason, this one is better saved until you really know what you're doing, and are comfortable enough using social pressure that you know how to build it and maintain it and use it in a way that lets girls gradually unwind the pressure, rather than you doing so yourself.
Until you reach that point - the point where you can really play hard to get and let women pursue you - you're better off using the skeptical look when you hear weird things from women or things that move the interaction backwards.
Next on the list are facial expressions. As with the physical tips above, you can do these either demonstrative (more exaggerated) or subtle (less exaggerated), and you'll want to adjust that to fit with your overall tone while approaching.
Facial expressions are a very low effort way for you to communicate with women, and this makes them very attractive. Anything that ups your sprezzatura makes you appear a more dominant, more powerful, more attractive man.
We've already discussed the skeptical look and the bored look before; now, we'll examine a few more expressions.
The Cute and Sexy Look
Ever seen Zoolander? Well guess what... "Blue Steel" is real.
Although, slightly less dramatic than Ben Stiller makes it out to be
in that flick.
I first noticed girls doing this, and then I started noticing that every guy I knew who was really good with girls did it too. My initial reaction was, "That's a sort of gay expression," but they'd do it whenever we were out, and get great receptions from women. I started paying attention to male actors in movies - they did it too. Even James Bond does it - Sean Connery, Pierce Brosnan, Daniel Craig - all do the "cute and sexy look."
The normal components of this look are:
An underlook: chin tucked down, eyes peaking up
Slightly pursed lips in a slight, impish smile
Eyebrows: up if you need to look less intimidating (if you're generally very masculine), down if you need to look more intimidating (if you're still working on your masculinity)
Optional: a hand or other object near your face to draw attention to this look
When wearing this facial expression, you will:
- Get stronger initial attraction from women
- Get opened and get approached more frequently by women
- Get women chasing you more and investing in you more readily
- Get more leeway with women and much reduced odds of auto-rejection
- Get faster escalations and larger escalation windows
This facial expression really is a magical attraction amplifier, and it's one everyone who's very good with women learns to do naturally on his own anyway - it just gets such consistently good feedback from women.
Why's this look so powerful? Why do men find it alluring when women do it, why do women find it alluring when men do it, and how has it become so famous that it even received its own ode / parody by Ben Stiller?
Honestly, the best I've been able to do theory-wise is an assumption that it's some combination of looking both sexy and vulnerable that drives members of the opposite sex wild... but I'm not even sure how or why. It may be some kind of mating signal, signaling individuals that are receptive to sexual advances.
Whatever the reason why it works though, it works, and it's a lot of fun to do.
The “Well, Anyway” Look
This expression is one used to both poke a little fun at your conversation partner, and to hint to her in no unsubtle terms that it's time to get off this topic and onto one that's moving the conversation forward, before it's too late.
To get an idea of what this looks like, see the girl in the image below:
... now imagine that the second part of this is for her to close her mouth and exhale in a somewhat exasperated sigh.
For added effect, she may slowly nod her head up and down a few times, all while looking off in the other direction.
Step-by-step, it looks like this:
Raise your eyebrows dramatically, while inhaling deeply, widening your eyes, turning your head to the side, and moving your eyes off to the side (it's as if you're looking at someone next to you and communicating, "Can you believe this?" except that there's nobody there)
Open your mouth as if you're just about to say something... but, no, it isn't worth it. Slowly close it again
Optional: after you close your mouth, keep your eyebrows up and slowly nod several times
This creates some slight social pressure and social awkwardness that compels her to fix the situation. This is one that, like the "whatever" shrug, is best used when you know how to handle social pressure appropriately and use this only when girls are being awkward, aren't responding to your signals, or they're getting stuck on some bad topic or beating a dead horse too much.
When you're somewhere seated - at a table, at a bar - and you're in intimate conversation with a girl, you can use something I call "facial tapping" to draw more attention to your face.
Facial tapping includes:
- Tapping or rubbing your temple
- Stroking your chin or along your mouth
- Tapping your cheekbone (under your eye) or drumming your fingers on it
- Running your hand along the back of your neck just under your hairline
- Running your hand from the back of your neck along the front of your neck
This was one I picked up wholly unconsciously and didn't realize I'd started doing until I had to describe to a friend how you can call attention to your eyes better when you're making sexual eye contact with women. But after I became aware of it, I started noticing that I was paying attention to women using similar gestures, as well as very sexually attractive men, and my assumption is I picked it up from them.
Why would you want to draw more attention to your face? It makes your conversation partner focus more intently on your face, which amplifies the power of the facial expressions you're making and gets her more zeroed in on you in general.
And the more focused on you someone feels, generally, the stronger she'll feel the connection between the two of you is, and the more powerful the bond feels. The more quickly you can move with her generally, too, and the more sexually excited she tends to become, assuming you're using your facial features to build sexual tension.
For creating the right kind of sexual vibe, using bedroom eyes (and a bedroom voice) helps immensely.
The easiest way to get yourself doing bedroom eyes is to have yourself look at a woman the same way you'd look at her in the bedroom... saucy, seductive, and sensual. Just imagine yourself in the bedroom instead of out in public as you gaze at her, and your eye contact will normally adjust automatically here.
If you still struggle to get your head around what the difference is between bedroom eyes and any other sort of eye contact, here's the how-to:
Lower your eyelids slightly - not enough that you look like you're asleep, but enough so that you look somewhat "dreamy"
Unfocus your eyes just a bit - not so much that everything becomes blurry, but more as if you are only focused on what's directly in front of you (which, of course, is her)
Even as your eyes are unfocused distance-wise, have them laser-focused on the face and eyes of the woman you're speaking with - the stare you're going for here is soft but intense
Because of the mirror neurons that fire in her brain, when she's looking at you and you're making this face at her, her mirror neurons will cause her to begin to mimic your body language in this way... and to feel the effects of it. Through bedroom eyes, you can make women more sexually primed with your eyes alone.
This one's an old one but a good one.
"Triangle gazing" is the old term given to looking from each of a girl's eyes down to her mouth and back. Because there are three points, your eyes are considered here to move in a "triangle." If you're using eye contact the way we've discussed on here before (e.g., in "Eye Contact Flirting"), you'll actually only be covering two points - the bridge of her nose in between her eyes, and her lips.
People are extremely sensitive to even slight eye movements. You may not think something as minor as your eyes moving back and forth between her eyes and her lips will be noticed... but she will notice it.
She probably will not be consciously
aware of it. All she'll know consciously is that it seems like you are
very attracted to her and very sexually interested in her... and if the
feeling is mutual, she'll begin to become excited (if the feeling isn't
mutual, of course, she'll start feeling awkward and most likely excuse
You can use this simple maneuver to:
- Increase the sexual tension between you and her
- Screen out women who aren't interested in you sexually
- Prepare her for a kiss
The communication in triangle gazing is, "I'm looking at your mouth because I'm thinking about kissing it."
Alternately, if you notice women staring at your mouth, unless you have a piece of food stuck in your teeth, you can usually safely assume this means the same thing (especially if they're staring at you with bedroom eyes, and their eyes are darting from mouth to eyes, eyes to mouth, and back repeatedly).
The Power of Body Language
Body language is extremely important to creating desire in women and communicating power and dominance. The most attractive men are the men who've focused on their nonverbal fundamentals like body language and eye contact and facial expressions to the point where they have them down as well as the sexiest men and sexiest women.
Women have a lot they can teach you on being very sexually attractive with your nonverbals, and if you're paying attention as you meet them and talk to them, you can pick these lessons up naturally and adopt them for your own use.
Men's body language is something that's greatly under-discussed because it's something that usually doesn't lead to any strong visible reaction. Unlike something you say, you aren't able to say, "I did X, and as a results she said or did Y." Which can make figuring out the right nonverbals to use and the right time to use them a good deal more difficult.
However, once you have these added to your toolbox, you've placed another set of effective new tools into use - and you'll be just as good at exciting the girls who see you doing this as you feel watching them do it.
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