If you’ve ever looked at a pretty girl and suddenly felt a surge of nervousness at the idea of going to say hi to her, you’ll get something out of this article. Because what you were doing when you felt that nervousness was you weren’t thinking in numbers.
Most men who are successful with women have a number of similar traits you can distill and learn from. One of those traits is thinking in numbers. That is to say, thinking to themselves not, “I’m going to go meet that girl… I hope she likes me!” but rather, “I’m going to go meet every cute girl I see, until I find one who likes me.”
That difference in thinking about women while out to meet women has a tremendously big impact on levels of anxiety, anticipation, and desire to actually meet new women. The guy who is focused on meeting that one pretty girl he’s looking at and hoping against all hope that it goes very well is going to be bursting with self-imposed pressure. He’s betting all his chips on this girl; it’s do well, or go home. But the guy who’s out to keep meeting women he likes until he finds one who meets him back – that guy who’s thinking in numbers – for him, meeting any one new girl is not much of a big deal. She’s one of twenty or thirty or forty women he’ll meet that day or that night – she’s just another girl.
Thinking in numbers applies to all aspects of your relations with women – meeting them, dating them, getting intimate with them, building and maintaining your relationships with them. You should always strive to think in numbers, because thinking in numbers has some profoundly positive effects on how you interact with women and the kinds of results you get from them.
Look at these contrasts. First, how a guy who doesn’t think in numbers is when he goes out to meet women:
- Worries anxiously about whether the girl he wants to talk to will like him and respond well to him
- May very well be crippled by nervousness and not even go talk to her at all
- Is quickly demoralized by setbacks and women not responding as well as he’d hoped, and gives up easily
- Acts needy and insecure, and supplicates to women because he is afraid of rejection and failure
- Fails to push too hard, hit escalation windows, and do anything edgy or sexual in the fear that it will backfire and his girl won’t like him – so instead he plays it safe
- Goes home empty-handed, angry, and feeling like he’ll never get girls
And, how a guy who thinks in numbers is while out meeting women:
- Is free from worrying about whether any given girl reacts a certain way to him
- Confidently approaches women he likes – he knows that the more of them he meets, the more of them he’ll hit it off with and bring into his life
- Remains energized despite early setbacks, because he knows sometimes you have to meet a lot of women to find the one you’ll hit it off with
- Behaves naturally and confidently and seems secure in his person, because he isn’t overly concerned about what women think about him
- Oozes the kind of charm, sexiness, and edginess that women love, because he’s focused on putting himself out there and finding the women who respond to him and will do what he wants to do, rather than trying to please one woman he doesn’t know very well
- Goes home either with a girl, or content in the knowledge that soon he’ll go out and meet many more women – success will be his as soon as he meets enough girls
Some fairly substantial contrasts, right? Should be pretty darn obvious which is the superior mindset.
So how do you train yourself to think this way? I certainly didn’t always – although I certainly do now. One way to train yourself to think this way is consciously reminding yourself of it – and then sticking to your plan. Go out and force yourself to meet twenty or thirty or forty women in an outing. Move quickly from girl to girl, looking for the ones who will show you a lot of attraction and will invest in you rapidly. If they won’t invest in you soon, or act too aloof, keep moving and keep meeting new women. You can still get those girls – the ones who are slow to invest, and the ones who act aloof – but for this exercise, it’s better to focus on finding the fish that are biting, rather than the fish that you have to try different baits and tackles with. Make use of the skills you already have developed to show yourself this mindset is the correct one and you can find girls who will go on a date or go home with you.
If you catch yourself feeling nervous, just remind yourself that this girl is the first (or fourth) of a long line of women you’ll be meeting today. So go up and say hi, and get on with it. You’ll thank yourself later (after girl number twenty-seven agrees to go home with you!).