Think in Numbers: Talking to Lots of Girls

If you’ve ever looked at a pretty girl and suddenly felt a surge of nervousness at the idea of going to say hi to her, you’ll get something out of this article. Because what you were doing when you felt that nervousness was you weren’t thinking in numbers.

Most men who are successful with women have a number of similar traits you can distill and learn from. One of those traits is thinking in numbers. That is to say, thinking to themselves not, “I’m going to go meet that girl… I hope she likes me!” but rather, “I’m going to go meet every cute girl I see, until I find one who likes me.”

That difference in thinking about women while out to meet women has a tremendously big impact on levels of anxiety, anticipation, and desire to actually meet new women. The guy who is focused on meeting that one pretty girl he’s looking at and hoping against all hope that it goes very well is going to be bursting with self-imposed pressure. He’s betting all his chips on this girl; it’s do well, or go home. But the guy who’s out to keep meeting women he likes until he finds one who meets him back – that guy who’s thinking in numbers – for him, meeting any one new girl is not much of a big deal. She’s one of twenty or thirty or forty women he’ll meet that day or that night – she’s just another girl.

Thinking in numbers applies to all aspects of your relations with women – meeting them, dating them, getting intimate with them, building and maintaining your relationships with them. You should always strive to think in numbers, because thinking in numbers has some profoundly positive effects on how you interact with women and the kinds of results you get from them.

Look at these contrasts. First, how a guy who doesn’t think in numbers is when he goes out to meet women:

  • Worries anxiously about whether the girl he wants to talk to will like him and respond well to him
  • May very well be crippled by nervousness and not even go talk to her at all
  • Is quickly demoralized by setbacks and women not responding as well as he’d hoped, and gives up easily
  • Acts needy and insecure, and supplicates to women because he is afraid of rejection and failure
  • Fails to push too hard, hit escalation windows, and do anything edgy or sexual in the fear that it will backfire and his girl won’t like him – so instead he plays it safe
  • Goes home empty-handed, angry, and feeling like he’ll never get girls

And, how a guy who thinks in numbers is while out meeting women:

  • Is free from worrying about whether any given girl reacts a certain way to him
  • Confidently approaches women he likes – he knows that the more of them he meets, the more of them he’ll hit it off with and bring into his life
  • Remains energized despite early setbacks, because he knows sometimes you have to meet a lot of women to find the one you’ll hit it off with
  • Behaves naturally and confidently and seems secure in his person, because he isn’t overly concerned about what women think about him
  • Oozes the kind of charm, sexiness, and edginess that women love, because he’s focused on putting himself out there and finding the women who respond to him and will do what he wants to do, rather than trying to please one woman he doesn’t know very well
  • Goes home either with a girl, or content in the knowledge that soon he’ll go out and meet many more women – success will be his as soon as he meets enough girls

Some fairly substantial contrasts, right? Should be pretty darn obvious which is the superior mindset.

So how do you train yourself to think this way? I certainly didn’t always – although I certainly do now. One way to train yourself to think this way is consciously reminding yourself of it – and then sticking to your plan. Go out and force yourself to meet twenty or thirty or forty women in an outing. Move quickly from girl to girl, looking for the ones who will show you a lot of attraction and will invest in you rapidly. If they won’t invest in you soon, or act too aloof, keep moving and keep meeting new women. You can still get those girls – the ones who are slow to invest, and the ones who act aloof – but for this exercise, it’s better to focus on finding the fish that are biting, rather than the fish that you have to try different baits and tackles with. Make use of the skills you already have developed to show yourself this mindset is the correct one and you can find girls who will go on a date or go home with you.

If you catch yourself feeling nervous, just remind yourself that this girl is the first (or fourth) of a long line of women you’ll be meeting today. So go up and say hi, and get on with it. You’ll thank yourself later (after girl number twenty-seven agrees to go home with you!).


Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his Mastery Package.


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Lau'Ren'Tay's picture

This is a baller article for me Chase. Since I've been thinking in numbers; instead of being the guy "not" thinking of it. Also it reminded me to keep moving, instead wasting time with girl. Who aren't giving much attraction and investment. The ones that are just being social; or later on in the conversation " I have a boyfriend". Troublesome and nuisance it is lol; which I also notice I tend to waste time unintentionally. Talking to attractive woman ,who aren't interested, etc. Could you please write a comprehensive about socializing with a woman. If your not wasting your time in conversation or are? I don't know if you have something covering that, or related to that.

Lau'Ren'Tay Walker

Chase Amante's picture

Lau'Ren'Tay, absolutely man, that's an important topic to speak to. I actually had a conversation about this last week, where a guy asked about what to do when you find yourself in a go-nowhere conversation: should you leave, or try to turn it around?

I'll look to get a post up on that real soon: on figuring out when you're in a conversation that's going nowhere fast, and what to do about it when you are.


Kurtis's picture

Thanks Chase, these articles are very helpful!

Jack_Newhouse's picture


I came upon your website a couple of days ago, while googling for answers/solutions after yet another failure with a girl I met and really liked.
I must admit I'm as yet one of those 'average chums' who isn't doing particularly well with women, but hoping to change that soon.
Seriously dude, this is THE best website/resource on this all-important subject I have found to date ! Thanks so much for putting all this brilliant advice out here for us !!! ...every article I've read on here so far seems a gem to me, and it's hard to drag myself away from the computer at the moment...

Cheers, and happy christmas !


David's picture

Chase, I was thinking how many people realistically you can meet in the same place. I mean, if you hit on 10 girls , at least one of them is going to see you hitting on others? then she will know she is just a number and lose interest?

Anonymous's picture

Although you may be seen as a "slob" by those other girls wouldn't you say that the expirience of meeting those girls --be it negative, or positive--8q8that those kinds of meeting were all worth it? Of course it is. We are only here on earth for a short period so why waste on what other people think.

Samuel's picture

Hello Chase. I had tried the "numbers game" strategy and the result wasn't good at all. After the 5 or so rejections i thought it was all about getting rejected and moving on the next girl. After some number i think i wasn't even paying attention on what they were saying at all - even if some girl was actually interested, i believe i wouldn't have noticed.

Anonymous's picture

Hi Chase. I just wanted to say how amazingly important this post is. I've been steadily improving my fundamentals, touch, repartee and rapport and I have seen progress. Women are more interested in me from the onset. But the progress I make has been limited due to me not thinking in numbers (and so I end up not taking risks and lose girls mid game). But this post is like a revelation. I feel that the answer to so many beginner's problems is this post. And I am so excited to put this mindset into action
Once again, what a brilliant post.


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