How to Get Girls: The Last Post You'll Ever Need


How to Get Girls: The Last Post You'll Ever Need

how to get girlsThe post "Should You Pay for a Date?" is still, it appears, attracting its fair share of outrage from what seems mostly to be women, who don't like the fact that I'm recommending, based on my own experiences and all of those of every man I'm acquainted with whose tried both ways, that men not pay for their dates if they want better results with girls.

These commentators are protesting, of course, because doesn't fit with the way they think the world ought to work.

But I don't write this blog to talk to people about the way the world ought to work. It'd be great if men could just buy women dinner and women would automatically upon the completion of that romantic date then become the men's lovers, girlfriends, and wives immediately thereafter.

That's not what happens, though. And what this site is about is what does happen -- what works, what doesn't, and everything in between.

So let's settle this, then. I've decided to craft for you, today, the definitive post on how to get girls. After reading this post, your core questions on how to be successful with women are all going be answered -- and any of you ladies reading on here, buckle yourselves in because we're going to take an intensive, in-depth look at the way you choose the men you do.

 

The Boyfriend Dilemma

I have a subchapter in my detailed, information-packed how-to ebook on getting girls with this very title. I'm going to share a few of the opening paragraphs of that subchapter here, to clarify what the "boyfriend dilemma" -- a core concept you'll need grasp to fully appreciate what is to come in this post -- is all about:

As you get better with women – smoother, more charming, sexier and more debonair – women will begin to recognize the success and good qualities about you. They will be more likely to think to themselves, “Wow, this guy is great,” and they will want to keep you for themselves and want you as a boyfriend.

This means, however, that women will also be more likely to resist fast intimacy with you. And a longer haul to get intimate means more work for you, more chances that things can go wrong, and less time to focus on other important things in your life, like business, travel, and leisure.

The more you improve yourself and your skills, the more you raise your desirability to women as a boyfriend, and the more they tend to want to develop a secure commitment.

In other words, the more amazing you become, and the more women like you and appreciate you and see you as a wonderful guy, the more they're going to want to hang onto you as a potential boyfriend.

And the more they're going to want to hang onto you as a potential boyfriend, the more they're going to want to slow things down, put on their best faces, and make sure you see them as fully 100% commitment-worthy.

That means, of course, that they can't be too honest about their pasts with you. They can't be too honest about their own selves with you. And they definitely can't go to bed with you too fast... lest you come to view them as loose, easy, or worse.

The instant a woman starts viewing you as a potential boyfriend, and believes she can have you as a boyfriend, she puts the brakes on everything. She's got to be careful not to mess this up.

And what happens when someone slows things down, tries not to mess up, and puts a lot of pressure on themselves?

They muck it up, almost always. It almost never ends well.

Our female readers make a good point when they protest that they like guys who pay for them more. Because they really do -- they do like those guys more!

They like them so much that they might consider them for a relationship.

Which means, of course, that they're certainly not going to go and be so foolish as to hook up quickly with a guy like that. That'd be silly and wasteful. Losing a perfectly good long-term relationship candidate for a night of passion and pleasure.

That's the boyfriend dilemma. That's what I'm talking about, and that's why, among many other topics we've discussed on this site, paying for things for a woman makes it less likely that the two of you get together.

It's not because women like you less for it, which seems to be what the female commentators on this blog think I'm saying.

It's because they like you more.

 

Pete, Jerry, and Sue: A Love Triangle

Before we continue, I want to discuss why it's so important that you learn to move quickly -- expeditiously, even -- with women. To illustrate the concept, I'll tell you a story: the story of a woman named Sue, and the two wonderful, attractive men she's met -- both of whom like her and both of whom decide to pursue her.

The two men Sue's met are Jerry, a charming, quick-witted salesman who makes a middle-class income, and Pete, a charismatic, brilliant investment banker pulling down six figures.

On her first date with Pete, the investment banker, Sue gets treated to a wonderful, fancy dinner. Pete picks her up in his sports car, wines her and dines her at the finest, classiest restaurant in town, and regales her with fantastic tales of travel to exotic locations abroad and high adventure. At the end of the night, Pete drops Sue off at her apartment, gives her a peck on the cheek, and wishes her goodnight.

The next day, Pete gets swamped with work, and in any event he's heard it's good to let girls sit and wonder for a while first anyway, so rather than jump and plan the second date right away, he decides to wait a bit. He's a little nervous anyway; he really likes this girl and doesn't want to mess it up. He's thinking maybe a week later, he'll see Sue again, and charm her even more. It sounds like the perfect plan.

But now Sue goes out with Jerry.

how to get the girls

Jerry doesn't have Pete's sports car. He can't take Sue to a fancy dinner. And his most exciting stories are about the time he got arrested for public drunkenness, and that fight he got into trying to save his buddy who'd hit on the wrong guy's girl.

Jerry meets Sue at a café not far from his apartment, and they sit and chat for about two hours. Sue's still riding the buzz from her date with Pete, and likes him quite a lot, and is dreaming of what a spectacular wedding she and Pete will have. She's thinking about what it'd be like to be Mrs. Pete. Meanwhile, Jerry's doing a good enough job making her laugh a little and just generally being a charming, sexy guy. Sue doesn't see much of a future with Jerry, but that's okay.

The two of them end up back at Jerry's place, and one thing leads to another and they sleep together. Jerry's quite charming, and quite good in bed, and after their first time being intimate, they have some dinner, and then Jerry takes Sue to bed again.

Sue goes home, and now she's flooded with the potent emotions that came from that fast, incredible date with Jerry. Even though he'd just been okay on the date, the powerful ending of that date that found the two of them going to bed a few times has left her feeling like he's a pretty incredible guy to make a girl like her want to sleep with him so fast. And when he texts her a few days later and asks her if she'd like to spend more time together, of course she says "yes."

Meanwhile, it's been a week since Pete's first date with Sue, and he decides it's time to ask her out again. This time, Pete invites Sue to see that new play in town -- he figures it'll be a great outing for the two of them. Sue agrees, and again he picks her up and drives her to the play.

Sue and Pete sit there during the play, and while Sue still likes Pete, the emotions that intimacy with a new partner creates are swirling crazily in her head as she thinks obsessively about Jerry. She can't wait to see him again, and she spends most of her date with Pete fantasizing about her next night with Jerry. At the end of the date, again, Pete drives Sue home, gives her a peck on the cheek, and bids her goodnight.

Sue sees Jerry a few more times over the next week, and they have some fun conversations, Sue cooks Jerry some food at his apartment, and they go to bed each time, Sue waking up the next morning feeling wonderful. Then, after another week has passed, Pete asks her on another date. Sue debates, not sure if she wants to go -- but Pete's such a great guy, she'd feel bad about saying no. So she says okay.

This time, Pete takes Sue back to his apartment, and cooks her a three course meal. He's truly an exceptional cook, and his apartment is splendidly well-appointed. He has candles on, and romantic music playing in the background. After dinner, he goes for the kiss. Sue pushes him away.

"Pete," she tells him, "you're great, but this is way too fast for me."

Pete's a little taken aback; it's the third date -- he thought that was the rule. Take a girl out on three dates, and on the third date you get together. But now Sue was telling him it was still too soon.

Pete drives Sue back to her place, fishes for a kiss again, but only ends up getting another peck on the cheek. He tries calling her and texting her to meet up over the next week, but she's evasive. She never has time for him anymore.

He doesn't know why, but we do: it's because she's with Jerry, and she's falling for him. Eventually, Jerry decides he likes Sue a lot, and he makes her his girlfriend. Pete spends the next few months still texting or calling Sue occasionally, and she's always polite but never all that interested. He leaves scratching his head, wondering what happened.

What did happen?

 

Why the Man Who Moves Fast Finds Success

how to get girlsThere are two major factors at play in that story above that determined the outcome for Pete and Jerry with Sue. Did you spot them?

In case you didn't, here they are:

1) How fast each man moved to get Sue in bed and make her "his," and

2) How hard each man worked to establish his long term potential.

Mainstream society -- including most women -- will tell you you ought to move slow, be gentlemanly, and show a woman what a great, fantastic option you'll be for the long-term.

Great advice, except...

It doesn't work!!!

So many men out there end up like Pete, having spent so much time, money, and heartache thinking they know how to get girls, trying so hard to get girls, then ending up wondering how on Earth they failed to succeed.

They never realize that that combination of taking things too slow, coupled with positioning themselves as exceptional candidates for the boyfriend position, is, the vast majority of the time, a love-life death sentence.

If you ask a woman if women like bad boys or if they like cads, she's going to tell you no, not at all.

And yet you keep hearing women complaining how they keep ending up with those bad men they don't like.

This confuses regular guys to no end. They don't get it.

But the reason why the "bad boys" -- guys like Jerry, our salesman from the story above -- end up with girls: it's because they avoid getting themselves slotted as boyfriends women must move carefully with, and they move fast with women and get women in bed.

Period. A girl's not yours until you've been intimate with her a few times. Until then, she's on the market, and she's waiting for someone to come snap her up.

Think about these scenarios:

  • A man's wining and dining a woman once a week, but hasn't taken her to bed yet.

  • A man's writing songs and love letters to a girl, but hasn't taken her to bed yet.

  • A man goes on shopping trips and watches movies with a girl, but hasn't taken her to bed yet.

Now ask yourself... out of ANY of those scenarios... how many of those men do you think will STILL get the girl if a guy like Jerry comes along and sweeps her off her feet and takes her to bed and sees her a few more times before those guys ever make a move?

The guy who's wining and dining her isn't going to steal her away from Jerry.

The guy who's writing sonnets to her isn't going to steal her away from Jerry.

The guy who's her shopping pal isn't going to steal her away from Jerry.

The man who takes a woman to bed is the man who gets her. Plain and simple. So, romance is great, being gentlemanly with women is nice, but you've got to, got to, got to make getting girls in bed your top priority if you want the best percentage chance you can get with them.

And avoiding the boyfriend designation -- prior to intimacy, anyway -- is a big part of helping you get there as fast as possible. Women don't like men who fail their boyfriend criteria as much -- but it's still very possible they like them enough to end up in bed with them. And once you're taking a girl to bed, if you decide you want her as a girlfriend after all, you've got a hell of a better chance of having her as that than the guy who's still chasing after her.

how to get girls

 

How to Get Girls with Ridiculous Consistency

When I first started learning how to get girls 6 years ago, I didn't realize that speed and avoiding the boyfriend designation were key. I thought the keys were to be as interesting as you possibly could, to show women what an incredible, amazing guy you were, and to disarm their fears that all you wanted with them was to go to bed and that's it.

I look back at that now, and all I can think is... how silly of me! No wonder I used to flounder around so much. *head slap*

You must move fast with women. And you must avoid the boyfriend designation (while still being a likeable enough guy). Let's look at some of the ways you'll best be able to do both things -- we'll start with moving fast with women:

Moving Fast with Women

  • Sparking conversation with new women with statements of genuine interest: this is stuff like, "I saw you walking here, and I had to come tell you that you have the most incredible sense of style I've seen all day. I'm Jake." This gets you moving quickly off the bat -- women know what you're about, and they know you're not going to beat around the bush. Lower opening percentage than the women you open with stuff like, "Can you tell me where the fancy clothing store is?" but God, the women it does open are so much more into you.

  • Exchanging names right away: I find it hard to believe there's even a debate on this. Some guys think it's better to not tell a girl your name until she asks... then you know she really likes you, goes the thinking, and plus you make her work for it. No, throw this out. Exchange names so you're not strangers, right away. Then you can start getting to know each other from the outset and it isn't awkward.

  • Get to know her ASAP: a few boring questions are fine so long as you're directing those questions toward deep diving and getting to know the most important things about a girl: wants, dreams, hopes, passions. Most guys go for facts (what do you do, where do you live, how long have you been in town, etc.), and that stuff's good... but only as a jumping off point! You need to use those things to get to the substance of who she really is -- not get caught up in them, like most men do (to their great detriment).

  • Move her ASAP: until you've moved a girl somewhere, you're still just some guy she's having a casual conversation with. Once you've moved her, and she's gone with you, you're now a guy she's committing her time and effort into and actively working to get to know. Ask her to move -- either to stand somewhere more comfortable or less noisy, or to grab a seat, or to walk in your direction, or to just walk around in general -- within 3 to 5 minutes at the most, typically. If she won't move with you in 3 to 5 minutes of meeting you, she probably won't do anything else with you, either.

  • Get contact information fast: you should grab a girl's follow up information within a few minutes of meeting her, provided you're going for it at all. Check out the post on "Natural Number Swapping" for more on doing that easily and smoothly. Then, continue on with the conversation as if nothing'd happened once you have her follow up info.

  • Take her home soon, or end the interaction: if you see my interactions with women, you'll notice that these days I mostly either take a girl home within 30 minutes of meeting her, or I grab her follow up information and I end the interaction within 10 minutes of meeting her. I highly recommend you work to get your numbers to a similar place -- spending excess time with a woman doesn't help you attract her more. It just increases the chance that you make a mistake somewhere along the line and lose her.

  • Set up a date within days of meeting her: you should aim to see a girl the next day or at least within 2 to 3 days of first meeting her. This significantly increases the odds she says "yes" and agrees to meet you, and that she still has some strong, good memories tied to your first encounter.

  • Simplify your dates: there's really no reason for fun or fancy dates, unless you're looking for a friend rather than a lover. Keep it simple and keep the focus on you and her, and the two of you getting to know each other, rather than on the things that you're doing.

  • Invite her home: you should do this within 2 to 3 hours maximum of being on a date with a girl. Thinking that you'll see her on a second date is getting you very dangerously close to boyfriend-candidate territory (more on that in a second), so work to get her home on Date #1 if at all possible.

  • Make a move and escalate physically: nothing worse than taking a girl home, not making a move, and her leaving after an uneventful night. She leaves frustrated and disappointed, and you end up kicking yourself, angry for not taking action and quite probably losing that girl forever. Instead, set a timer for yourself -- no girl's allowed alone with you for more than 10 minutes without getting kissed.

And, for avoiding landing up in potential-boyfriend-no-man's-land:

Avoiding the Nomination to Boyfriend Candidacy

  • Be a sexy man: this one makes you more desirable as a fast partner, and makes you seem more like potentially a "bad guy," thus downgrading your eligibility for long-term consideration.

  • Don't be overly sympathetic: most guys, when girls give them a sob story, take the, "Aww, no, that's so horrible," tack and get a really sympathetic puppy dog voice and try to make it clear how sorry they are. Don't do that. Instead, be sympathetic with your words, but neutral in your tone of voice. "That's horrible, I'm sorry that happened," said with an almost neutral tone, followed with something like, "Well, look on the bright side: it's in the past and you're doing absolutely fine now. What cool stuff are you working on these days?" makes it clear you want to focus on good, empowering stuff, and not dwell on tragic stuff like guys trying to be a girl's boyfriend will.

  • Be humble and don't try to be too impressive: most guys on dates go overboard trying to be really cool, impressive, and magnificent, so women see how incredibly amazing they are. What ends up happening with this is either A) they come off really fake and annoying, or B) they do an effective job, and seem so amazing that women slot them into boyfriend territory and slow things down so as not to risk losing them. Use humbleness and self-deprecation the right way to take the edge off of your impressiveness.

  • Actively disqualify yourself as a boyfriend: telling a girl you don't plan on staying in the town you're in for long -- that you'll move on in search of adventure or business or whatever soon -- does an incredible job of this. In my mind, it's quite frankly the best one out there -- although hard to use if you're not planning on moving around much. If it isn't the case for you that you are, try telling women that you think relationships are wonderful, but only once you've gotten your career established and have the time to focus on them, or once you've reached this milestone or that age or what have you. Make it clear you're not against relationships -- you're just not in the position to get into one right now.

  • Move fast. What one thing do guys who want a girl as a girlfriend not do? They don't move fast! They take it slow and be careful and try not to lose her. In moving fast, you communicate to a woman you're not treating her like a potential girlfriend -- thereby greatly increasing the chances she thinks to herself, "Screw it, I like this guy, but he's not going to be my boyfriend, so what the hell, let's get together," and, ironically, greatly increasing the chances you actually get her as a girlfriend if you want her as a girlfriend.

how to get the girlsYou know, the funny thing about those two lists of things you need to do if you want to get girls with a high degree of consistency is probably about half or more of that flies completely in the face of what you'll hear from mainstream society on romance and dating.

Like, they're polar opposites. No comparison.

Mainstream society tells you you ought to move slowly and be a gentleman. I'm telling you what I've found to be the secret to how to get girls is moving fast and being relatively unsympathetic. It just works better... way better.

Mainstream society tells you you should be impressive and dazzle women with fancy dinners and displays of wealth and tales of high adventures. I'm telling you to be humble, get her doing the talking instead of you, and leave your Rolls-Royce at home (get her to pick you up, actually, if at all possible. I did this back when I had a beautiful black Mercedes-Benz E320 with a leather interior, and my close rate when girls picked me up was remarkably higher than when I picked them up in my gleaming Benz... boyfriend material with the Benz, not so much when she's the one chauffeuring you around).

Mainstream society tells you to that if you want a girl as a girlfriend, you're better off waiting until the third date -- or much later! -- to make a move. I'm telling you that if you want her as a girlfriend, the first date's probably the latest you ought to go for it, or else risk losing her to fading attraction or some faster-moving competition.

These are the realities of the world, and if you respect them, understand them, and take them under heavy consideration, you can empower yourself to find incredible, consistent, surprising amounts of success.

And not everybody's going to like that. Women aren't going to like that -- they want you to play nice and stick around even though you aren't lovers. Other men aren't going to like that -- so long as you're not moving too fast and not playing too hard, you're no more competition than anybody else. It's only when you start succeeding consistently -- and start wearing the vibe around you that you do -- that other men start to panic and attack.

I used to feel like those guys occasionally. I used to look at the bad boys women were ending up with, and think to myself, "If only she was with me... I'd treat her so much better."

But you know what?

My girlfriend right now... she's beautiful, intelligent, educated, tons of fun, with a vivacious personality, and she's had all of two lovers before me. Pretty conservative girl. She had a lot of men chasing after her when I met her -- men like Pete in our story above. Men with much better careers than me, who wined her, dined her, took her on shopping expeditions, treated her to movies.

All I did was talk to her for a few minutes at the train station, have her come to a café near my place two days later, spent a couple hours talking to her there, then took her upstairs and took her to bed, just as I had a number of other women in the weeks immediately prior to sleeping with her. And once we'd gone to bed, it was extremely easy to transition her into being my girlfriend.

Now, many of those guys who were pursuing her before are still pursuing her. They don't realize she has a boyfriend -- she doesn't bother telling them anything. They can't figure out why she won't see them. They don't understand why, after they invested so much time, and money, and effort into her, they still can't get her.

But I do. And hopefully, if I've done a good job with this post, you do too.

Being nice, and paying for things for women, and trying to be impressive to them isn't how to get girls. Moving fast and not getting considered a boyfriend nominee before you take a girl to bed -- that is.

how to get girls

Hope this has been insightful and eye-opening for you. It's a lot of stuff that, had I realized it 6 years ago, I'm confident I would've had an even more explosive ride to where I am now. But man, it's been fun getting to where I've gotten to, I'll tell you that much.

Yours,
Chase Amante

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Comments

M's picture

That's an excellent article,


That's an excellent article, Chase
I am familiar with Community's advice e.g. fast escalation etc, but I always took girls nagging me because of that or my mistakes in seduction too personally. I had rather bad times being criticized, girls rolling eyes, girls giving me boyfriend ultimatums, girls telling me I am perverted, so eventually I doubted myself that I'm behaving not good enough for them to like me. I even tried to act nicer nowadays, which unfortunately only gives an illusion of success.
That article took a lot of pressure from me. You know, it's hard to resist social conditioning. I think your explanation will increase my confidence in doing things and make me a bit tougher.
Thanks!

Chase Amante's picture

Re: That's an excellent article,

Author

Hey M,

Yeah, it's tough sometimes swallowing a non-mainstream pill when everyone else around you is insisting that it really is the mainstream way. A combination of understanding why the other way works better + seeing evidence that it does work better can help steel you long enough to really try it yourself and start building up your own reference points.

Pay attention to women's (people's) voice tones when they're telling you things. A woman saying you're perverted can be bad (if she's legitimately disgusted)... or it can be really, really good (if she's turned on and teasing you back).

Boyfriend ultimatums can mean you're coming across either a bit too needy or you're too good a catch and slipped up in disqualifying yourself as a boyfriend. Either way, gives you something to work on -- and that's always a good thing to have.

Cheers,
Chase

M's picture

Pervert


Well, I have heard quite a lot of variations of pervert thing :)
- Oh, you are such a pervert. (with a sexual smile)
- I like to communicate with you, when you are not such a pervert. (said not seriously) (?)
- Stop doing this perverted little things to me! Why can't we just communicate like friends? (said seriously, girl wanted me to be her boyfriend or even just to tool me)

and the best one
- What do you want from me? You are trying to sleep with me?

Chase Amante's picture

Re: "Pervert" teasing

Author

M,

Those are some good ones, yeah. I think my favorite these days is when you just look at a girl, then very dramatically let your face drop into a serious expression, open your eyes wider, and if you had your hand up let it drop on the table, as if to say, "Seriously?"

Women universally start cracking up and feeling like a sexual predator. Works so consistently it's silly ;)

Chase

horsewithnoname's picture

theory sounds good and all


theory sounds good and all

but what happens if you're still living with parents and no money to move out for foreseeable future?

what would you suggest instead of inviting girls home?

Neocene's picture

Stuck at home.


If you're good at it, you can get her to take you back to her place instead.
However work your ass off and try to find your own place, even if you have to find a room mate.

Ryan's picture

First of all great article.


First of all great article. There is this girl I am very interested in having as a girlfriend, and we have known each other from years back, but just started talking again this year after like 6 years. We hung out twice, first time was a get to know each other day, walking through the park and chatting, having dinner, kiss goodnight. second day she was in my bed. Everything but sex. This was on a weekend she came down from school (3 hours away) to mainly see me. We had a great time. My plan that we discussed was to come hang out at her place for a few days, and we were talkin bout sex and everything, but she says she doesn't want a boyfriend at the moment, but she wants to hang out with me. So I am like alright cool. Then like a personality change, she says that me coming up is a boyfriend move, and she wants to take things slower, and how were friends. So now I am not going up there, and we have just been having conversations which make me sound like I want to make things serious in the future. I feel like It is just pushing her away so I have slowed down on that bullshit talk. What do I do? She won't be back from school til August 8th, and I really want to have this woman as my girlfriend.

Chase Amante's picture

Re: First of all great article.

Author

Hey Ryan,

Well, first man, props on getting some success with a girl you're digging.

It's a little unfortunate you didn't get together when she drove 3 hours to see you. Normally, that's one of those situations I'd advise you pretty much have to get together with a girl for her to not feel like she just wasted 3 hours' drive. But, college can be a little different sometimes -- I had a pal my sophomore year who had a girl drive 45 minutes to come see him, she spent the weekend, and they didn't sleep together. He had her come down again the next weekend, and they closed the deal then.

If I was you, I'd drop all serious / long-term talk. If she brings it up again, laugh it off and tell her, "Yeah, I'm... not really sure what I was thinking there. Anyway..." and go back to being the same attractive you that got her into bed in the first place. Aim to be her friend... that she gets physical with. And make sure she's coming to see you if at all possible -- your odds will be far better than you driving to see her. You'll probably have to start and stop -- you'll start escalating, she'll protest she wants to be friends, you'll stop. You'll start escalating again, she'll protest again, you'll stop again. Just don't let it faze you, be persistent, and be honest with her -- "Hey, look, I like you. We don't have to do anything we don't want to do here -- let's just relax and enjoy being together. Okay?"

And good luck, partner -- here's hoping you get your girl!

Best,
Chase

Taroth's picture

Awesome article


Hey Chase you nailed this article. I think you'd be interested in the discussion we're having over in seddit about it:

http://www.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/ikvgk/how_to_get_girls_the_la...

Chase Amante's picture

Re: Awesome article

Author

Hey Taroth, thanks for pointing me to that discussion. Some interesting comments on there -- I particularly enjoyed nostrademons' game theory breakdown, and while I wouldn't necessarily agree with all the conclusions he comes to, some rather intriguing extensions of each person's future he postulates.

There seem to be some pretty smart users on Reddit. I had a guy point out to me one of my posts that was up on there before, and both times the level of discussion was quite good. A bunch of critical thinkers that seem to not have the negativity and cynicism you see on a lot of other seduction forums -- pretty good combination, that (critical thinking + positivity).

Cheers,
Chase

Jap John's picture

Chase, my tomodachi, I've had


Chase, my tomodachi,

I've had your blog in my RSS feed for a good few months now but this is the first time I've commented. I really felt your heart-felt commitment in this article, and I got an impression of the "weight" of the journey it's been to get to this realisation.

Also, I was having a very similar discussion with a Japanese friend just yesterday night, funny little coincidence. Came about soon after I showed him a text from a slightly unhinged girl threatening to cut off one of my three testicles. After tearing off all the hair on my ass.

Good times... I don't think I'll be seeing her again.

Where are you in the world these days? I seem to remember you mentioning Korea before? If you prefer to reply by email, I'd love to have a longer chat with you.

Many thanks for taking the time to type to myself and the rest of your audience,

John

Chase Amante's picture

Re: Chase, my tomodachi, I've had

Author

Howdy John,

Sounds like you found yourself quite a spunky girl, that one! Yeah, the red flags are waving around her -- better to seek saner company.

Thanks for the feedback on the post. Felt good as I was writing it -- usually you can get a fair sense when you've got a good one on your hands. Then you just try and make the other, less inspired ones as sharp as they can be, in between waiting for inspiration to hit again...

I'm back in Beijing for now. Chance I may be off to India for a bit in a few weeks, and I'll likely be in Japan again sometime in September or October. Korea I did visit a bit back, yeah, though it's been about a year. Always fun times in Seoul...

You're certainly welcome for the response. I'm a big believer in long-term relationship building among friends, readers, clients, customers, coworkers, bosses, and everyone else; every relationship invested in is an investment in yourself, too. Feel free to drop me an email on the contact page; let me know where in Japan you are if you do too.

Cheers for now, and sayonarra brother,
Chase

Brent's picture

Good stuff


I read this article when you first posted it and read it again today. What really stands out to me is the line; "The man who takes a woman to bed is the man who gets her". It's such an obvious statement that almost makes too much sense it's silly to even think about. I remember in the past taking women out, spending money, time, and emotion just to end up alone at the end. Telling myself that taking it slow was the right thing to do and this girl is really going to like me. When in reality 95% of the time I have taken it slow with a girl she never sleeps with me.

This made no sense at all to me a few years ago. It makes perfect sense to me now and for the people just getting started with reading advice on this kind of stuff you need to realize what Chase says in this article is spot on. Being nice and taking things slow will only get you a ton of female friends. Trust me I've been there and it is not fun.

Taking it slow rarely accomplishes anything and is basically an excuse for guys to not take action. In my experiences if the girl is into you she will have no problem when you try to escalate. There are conservative girls who may not sleep with you right away but they will still be very intimate with you on first dates. Every girl is different but if you take the correct steps that Chase gives there should be little to no hesitation on your part or her part. It's 2011 this isn't the 1940's anymore. It's normal to have sex on a first or second date. Stepping out of your comfort zone and moving past that mental barrier that girls want a gentlemen that takes it slow is the first step to improving your success with women.

Chase Amante's picture

Re: Good stuff

Author

Brent, appreciate you sharing your experiences on here, man. Sometimes it seems a little amazing how we more or less all go through this phase -- wanting to take it really slow with girls we like -- and more or less all end up losing big for a while because of it.

It's perhaps very personality-dependent -- the super dynamic people I've known tend not to fear negative consequences as much, and thus learn from an early age to doggedly pursue what they want and not fear losing it by moving too fast or too aggressively -- but the rest of us try to take baby-steps and carefully inch our way toward what we want, often losing it in the process. Not just women, but jobs, friends, all manner of opportunities.

Anyway man, always good to hear from you. Hope life is going excellently these days.

Ciao,
Chase

Daniel's picture

Hi Chase.


Hey there Chase. May i ask..what if the girl is not into sex? The girl im in love with sometimes hints that she doesn't want sex until marriage or something so if i need to move fast..how can I if she doesn't want it..please advice..

own worst enemy's picture

Great with women... until I want one


Chase,
Just happened across your page while debating a friend about proper "text" etiquette with a girl of interest... great stuff! I also realized something much more important... something I can't ignore -- I found that I am at a philosophical crossroads. I'm 39, never married, and have always considered myself very fortunate with dating wonderful women. However, since moving to the east coast from LA (about a year out of a relationship) and looking to meet some lovely company, I've come to the horrifying realization that most of the women in my life have "chosen me" -- meaning, I never made a conscious effort to "land" them. At first, that might seem great... but what about when I see someone I'd love to meet? I think to myself: "Surely with all the high status women I've been with I can pick this woman up..."
Well, aside from sounding like an outrageous egomaniac... I have to admit, I'm scared to death of women I'm attracted to... I flat out lose my cool. It's great to know that I have the ability to attract top-notch woman... it's completely unnerving to feel so incredibly uncomfortable opening a woman I'm attracted to.

I lived in LA for a many years and I think that really did a "whammy" on me psychologically. For the most part, the actresses and the like I dated just seemed to come into my life... I never ran "game" on them or had to think too much about "scamming" on them -- I was lucky enough to find myself in situations where I was in their company and put in a favorable light by mutual friends. What I also found (felt like) was that when I wanted to "target" a woman for companionship, I would almost always get shot down. In my experience, telling a woman that you "just noticed how great her style/smile/whatever is" and you "just had to say hello" almost always resulted in her rolling her eyes and walking away unless I was with a celebrity... but then it was always about the celeb... not about my opener. It's nice to be lucky with the ladies but I'd rather be skilled!

Several years ago I tried wrapping my head around various schools of thought from different PUA Guru's and things just proceeded to get worse. I wasn't loose and natural -- I felt as if I were in a high school play and trying to remember my lines or trying to remember what act we're in... We all know that type of tension... it's the kind of awkward feeling that makes you wish you could just disappear. I was actually coming to peace with the fact that my experience is normal and that the women that these PUA tactics worked on were not the kind of women I would want to date... The truth is that I knew those approaches weren't working for me but I had to admit that my approach wasn't working either. Then I started reading what you had to say... It all seemed so natural and to make such perfect sense! However, the one problems still remains... I'm petrified of rejection -- I mean... I know the old "just go for it" or "dive in and you'll be fine" -- it's not like that for me... it's not fine -- it's more like a bad sideshow for passers-by. And with each bad experience making it all the much harder to see any light at the end of the tunnel.

So to recap, I have been very fortunate to have high-status women chase me but when I decided on a woman I wanted, I rarely succeeded when pursuing her.

Reading through your posts now, I'm fascinated by all this info and find myself almost overwhelmed... feeling that trying this approach will leave me "searching" for the right things to say and "trying" to remember the exact sequence, idea, framing. Feeling like it's so much to remember, how can I implement this in a way that's natural and effective without the anxiety kicking in? The bottom line is that I have major anxiety when it comes to approaching women/opening sets/escalating... It's unfounded. I can't complain about the quality of the women I've been with however, the rub is simply the fact that I feel that they've chosen me and I lack the mental quietness to make this approach work for me... As soon as I'm ready to give it a go: Stage fright... mind goes blank...crap. I tried telling myself: "You just need to be yourself... girls will see that you're a great guy and ditch these chumps"... I'm realizing that's just an excuse because I'm simply afraid of failure/making an ass of myself/whatever the excuse du jour is...

Thanks again for sharing all this wonderful info -- hopefully you have a few ideas to help get me out of my own way and start feeling more skilled than lucky with women.

Cheers!

Anonymous's picture

girls


hi chase
I've noticed that girls that scale from 1 to 7 I'm really good at talking to but after 8's I act like a social retard.

same deal's picture

i feel you on that man! i had


i feel you on that man! i had this problem as a 21 year old college student.i happen to get a job at hooters and my comfort level around hb8's+ went up pretty quickly.. it helped that its hooters and the girls are all hired guns so they are very flirty with the cooks, easy to talk to because they much more recptive. and im probably just rehashing the approach anexiety post, check that out hope this helped

Katie's picture

Katie 2 Hi to all of you


Katie 2
Hi to all of you ,boys :0)
I was supposed to finish with all this writing as I was getting a bit ``addicted`` to Chase`s good sense of humour )))...
BUT !-I OWE him a big THANK YOU for letting me understand man`s point of view in ``seduction ``...ok and what I MUST SAY to all of you boys who are looking for the BEST way to get a girl -listen to Chase as he knows how to achieve it,trust me:0) I nearly lost myself in this game and I know that was Chase`s kind of game - I got so attracted to a man that couldn`t even sleep,and if not the situation I am in at the moment ,being close to that man would be the best thing could ever happen to me ...I think :0)....yeeees my situation is kind of messy ....I know HE attracted MANY women to him ,even my friends and I AM NOT SURPRISED AT ALL - as he HAS A GOOD WAY to do it and if you want to succeed -listen to Chase !
Ok I think that makes this post the last one .I realized I actually must let you all know that you should appreciate the work he does to help you out -he believes it works and it DOES .I am the walking proof .I lost my soul for a man and was that close to give my body ...anyway :all the best to all of you and big THANKS to Chase .

KEEP SMILING :0) :0) :0)

Katie

Ralph's picture

Boyfriend Territory


Quick question....why is being in the boyfriend territory a bad thing? Why must the ultimate goal be taking her home and getting her to "bed". Don't alot of guys want to actually BE with a girl?? Sometimes I just dont understand some of your pieces.

major_tom's picture

ralph


hey ralph,
it's been several days so i hope you see this. chase's point is that you don't want to be in boyfriend territory BEFORE sleeping with a woman. it puts you in a position of having to fight an uphill battle as she will constantly try to slow you down, since her logic/friends/society will tell her that is what's best.

the evidence shows that going slow ISN'T what's best, and in fact every long-term relationship i personally have been in started very fast. i didn't put two and two together until just recently, but that's what was happening.

hope this clarifies things for you.
-tom

Bobby's picture

Awesome article chase


Wow spot on man,
This is one of the most brilliant, eye-opening articles i have ever read chase, i never thought moving fast with girls was the key..cos i had the ideas that moving so fast would jeopardize my chances with the girl i'm interested in and make me come off as needy,a perv and a low-life, cos i've been told by a few dating blogs (of which i now consider their ideas ridiculous) that to attract girls,you've got to act like you got chicks flocking to you always and so you've got to act like you're not crazy about her and take things slow, and even sometimes have to ignore her..lol but this article of yours opened my eyes to great insights aboout getting girls i never thought about nor thought was the right way since like you said, the so-called mainstream dating gurus tells us otherwise..again thank you man,that was a brilliant one!!..i need Emails on more dating tips from you man..hope to hear from you
Bobby

Pauly C's picture

This is totally true every


This is totally true every woman I ever been with I moved fast with. The catch was I was not really attracted to them so I also never really cared what would happen with them and this always gave me great success.

Then one day I met this girl I was actually attracted to and cared too much about getting her causing me to move slow and let me tell you. It's been two years and I still have not bedded her. I do still take on these other girls to make up for the lack of sex I get from this one. I fell into the friend zone and now we hang out fairly often and I can pretty much do everything like a boyfriends except for the best part of being with someone you are in love with. That is the worst part that I can walk around in public holding her hand, cuddle up and watch a movie and that's the extent of the physical.
If I could go back to the first few dates I'd do it all so different.

Everyone listen to Chase and you will find your happiness.

Hans's picture

Just a thought.


Hey Chase I've recently come across your site and I think it's awesome. I've personally kind of been in Pete's position before but that's sort of started to change.The thing is I'm about to turn 19 and I just finished my first year of college at the moment. The thing is would you say the concept of getting a girl to bed first still applies in age groups such as mine, since I found that even in College there's a fair amount of girls who still haven't had sex, so at my age do you think the rule of sleeping with a girl in order to get her to become your possible girlfriend still always the best way to go about it? Thanks

Hans

Bobby's picture

Hey Hans


I know your question was for chase but i'd like to tell you "Yes it does apply to our age group" because i'm also about turning 19 too,it wouldn't apply if you or the girls involved are under-aged, so yeah bro..i found this article very eye-opening and brilliant..i'm really glad i read it because i've also found out that my relationships with girls never lasted whenever i take the hunt slow lol,either the attraction fades away because some other guy is busy banging her while i'm taking my time to play it safe because i don't wanna lose her, or she just mentally places me in the friend-zone.

Mike's picture

High School Translation


Hey, I loved the article. I've read MANY of your posts here, I just need to know what the transition is for a high school kid. Obviously getting in bed on the first date can't happen. Too much risk of getting caught, parental pressure, and peer pressure. If you sleep with someone on the first date and you're a girl in high school, you're a slut. How can I get the results that I want/need. I'm in desperate need of all the help I need, and thankfully you have helped me in just like 2-3 weeks go from the freak and loser to an all right guy in my school. And that is partly because of your articles.

But there's this girl that drives me crazy trying to figure out. I don't have to act like I don't want her as a girlfriend because I don't. I want to see who she really is and get to know her without risk of losing my chance. Any help would be appreciated.

Joseph 's picture

Mike, I'm in your same street


Well I was hoping it would be of some relief to you to know you're not alone where you are . There are many others like me who share your condition. And people like you and me who are searching for answers. So anyway just cause you're in high school who said you cannot move fast. Ofcourse you can't get her to bed (dont rule out a possibility) so get her closely attracted to yourself. And keep moving. And as for the article abovet is really awesome.....must say.

Jay's picture

Applying this to HighSchool


Hey Chase,

As a highschool guy who's a mix of Pete and Jerry from your story, I had quick question:

I've been hanging out with this girl lately, and I think she's the best. She's cute, funny, athletic, loves to party, etc... But she goes to my high school, which is only 800 kids, so if I mess up, I have to see her everyday for another year or so. What should I do? Go for quick physical friends or actually go for bf-gf? And how would I do that?

Any help would be great.
Thanks, Jay

Anonymous 's picture

Going Fast, Without Sex?


Hey Chase, this is very good advice for beginners, in my opinion, but I noticed you said to get in "bed" with the girl as fast as possible. Is there a way to move fast, without having sex? Is there a way to get a girl to want you to be their boyfriend without the need to get in "bed" with them?

Thanks In Advance!

Anonymous's picture

Subtleties


Very good article. In my view, it's those subtleties that made your methods work out so well. You're telling the reader to keep it simple and pursue what he wants. Women want a real man, and so it is important to be strong physically, emotionally, and mentally. What you say about being humble but also not being too sympathetic makes a guy seem stable and confident without seeming bullheaded. That kind of guy can make her feel better when she's sad, and is certainly someone she could like. Talking about her directly, moving her, and getting her to talk about herself, shows that you are interested in her. If a guy shows that he is interested in her and doesn't beat around the bush, like you said, he'll be more likely to get with her. I liked this article, and while I may not see some of what you said in the same context as you put it, the tools themselves work and that's what matters.

Anonymous's picture

What if she lives an hour away?


Hey Chase,

Read the article and love it. But I have a question about how you adjust if there is a relatively longer commute (an hour) between you and her.

The background is that I just started on eHarmony and I used some of your screening/qualifying techniques in my messages to a chick. It worked brilliantly, and when I told her some of my favorite dishes, she told me that they would be "easy" to prepare! I quickly asked for her phone number; she didn't offer it outright, but instead asked for mine and said she'd send me a text. I complied, and she almost instantly sent me a text saying "Hey Dustin. This is Gloria from eHarmony. :D Please keep my number."

I tried calling the next day, but it was a Saturday, and it went to voice mail. I left a short voice mail simply saying "Hey Gloria. This is Dustin. I'll talk to you later."

Perhaps it's better that I didn't get through instantly because I was planning on offering a date near her place (about an hour's drive from me); now I'm starting to rethink that approach, based on your article.

Would you ask her to make the hour's drive out to you? Would you offer to meet halfway? Or would you drive out to her place?

Bear in mind that we've never met, and I feel that with online dating, there almost has to be a certain amount of warming up for the girl/screening to make sure the guy isn't a serial killer. ;) Also, the phone conversation will be the first time I've ever heard her voice (or she's heard mine).

So, how would you play it? Would you still ask her to drive out to you?

Dustin

James's picture

Dustin - I visited your site


Dustin - I visited your site for the first time today and I must say that the 'moving fast' strategy really caught my attention. I was skeptical at first since that generally goes against everything i 'thought' i knew but i am open minded and willing to give it a shot. I couldn't agree with you more. I like to consider myself to be fairly good with girls, mainly because of my looks and the fact that im usually talking to an ex or someone of higher status than the other girls i get play from - basically finding sex is not a problem.. finding love on the other hand has become a mission. As of late, i have been fiending for romance and a partner and have had very little success closing the deal with the girls i actually like. right now i am in a dilemma with a girl I've been talking too for about a month now and for some reason ive grown quite a liking for her. This is a girl who works at a local deli by my job that i go to a couple times a week, and for the longest time i always have had this physical attraction to her, crush you can say. One day i found out she felt exactly the same. After we exchanged numbers we started texting several times a day with a great deal of flirting, attraction and all that good stuff... I was away for several weeks during that time so we didnt really have much chance to hang out but i felt as if i had played all my cards right and everything was moving along perfectly, until recently. Last week, we made plans to go for drinks on Friday after work which ended up turning out badly (besides meeting at lunch break several times, this would have been the first actual time we went out). The whole situation became really inconvenient on Friday, she ended up working several hours later than supposed to and had mentioned one of her coworkers was coming along to.. i took that as my hint to save face and go home, i didn't want her to think id wait forever for her and since it wasn't going to be one on one i sort of lost interest. In retrospect, i feel as if i should have waiting, or at least told her i was going home (which i didn't until she asked me where i was). Since then its been hard to get through to her, she responds to my messages with short responses, vague answers with irrelevant smiley faces and hints at the fact that she hasn't been feeling good (emotionally i assume) - some days she doesn't respond at all. I apologized and tried to make it up to her a few days later when i caught on to her being indifferent, but she didnt forgive me just said she was busy. So far this week she stood me up for lunch and has showed little interest when i visit her at work. I've been trying my best to take it easy and be cool but i have the lurking that shes genuinely mad and wont really move forward with things until i genuinely apologize and explain myself. My problem here is that i don't know which direction to go in, I've tried to speak with friends about it but they are no help. I've been seeing other girls and keeping myself busy but deep inside i really want to make amends with this one and get back in the game. Since we started talking, ive only hinted at the fact that im into her with flirty comments, I've showed as much as i could about myself through text but there's so much more to me she doesn't know, and vis versa. I never like to spill my feelings to a girl unless i completely trust them but I'm motivated and willing to do whatever it takes to get a second chance with this one, Im just confused as what to do... I really hope you can help, any advice at all would be great.

Thank you,
James

-James

Tom james's picture

Great article! Helped me a


Great article! Helped me a lot! I have recently made the boyfriend mistake with a girl i like a lot. We've been out 3 times as friends and had no action at all yet. I asked her on a date she said its best we stay as friends. Is there anything i can do? I dont think there is but if there is please help me! This aeticle has helped me a lot though. I shall now step mh game up!

EpicNameBro's picture

How does this apply for a turnaround?


Hi Chase, first of all, great article, really taught me new things. Gonna try them next time I'm out!
Second, I just read your other article that linked to this one, about getting a girl back. Thing is, I didn't show her enough attention, and was pretty self-centered at times, but the thing is I never actually wanted to. I had the best intentions, they just came out wrong. Now I've taken some effort to communicate thouse intentions, and talked to her about it, and I feel I'm having progress on this expressing issue. BUT, as you said, if you just be the nice guy who listens and is being supportive or caring, you end up losing her to some douche like Jerry, basically. That's what my fear is, I can't push as hard as you recommend in the articles, I actually can't push at all, so choose the slow approach, I'm just affraid that it's going to be very fruitless because I can't move fast at all.
Any comments on this?

Cheers

Anonymous's picture

Piss Off


Piss off chase!! Im soooo mad at you!!! why didnt I find this website 3weeks ago when I met this cute girl?? Now shes put into 'boyfriend' zone and it looks like Im never gonna get her!!!!

Anonymous's picture

applies to?


are you sure this applies to all girls? there are some girls who just don't end up in bed that easy. it's easy to say what you've been doing but i come from an asian society and there are some really good girls who won't sleep with you easily and moving fast can really destroy things with them. what would you say to that?

S. Myrtle's picture

Review


Best article on the site thank you

Anonymous's picture

Need advice


Hey chase...
Me from India. Nice article really liked it
Actually I got a girl last year who already had a boyfreind I managed steal her from him somhow being the nice guy not the bad one... It took time for me to get her in the bed but when she herself committed that she was not a virgin... Even after that I did everything except sex.
But later I got her in the bed... Later i started acting like a jerk and too much needy she left me and went with the same previous boyfreind... The other guy use to act as same you described earlier but was the same reason she got with me as he was a jerk... What should I had done so she would have never went to him again????

Cg's picture

Best friend situation


Hi at the moment I'm best friends with a girl that I'm in love with... a couple of years back my best friend told me we're just friends, but just recently when I went to hang-out with her, I would massage her back but I got a little curious and wondered how she would react to me massaging her breasts, as I did I got no reaction, so I kept on going while she was trying to watch a presentation, so at the moment we're both taking the week off and now I'm losing my mind why she didn't do anything, and at the end of the week I feel like spilling everything out and telling her how I feel and asking her why she didn't pull away.. was it because she liked it? I'm the type of guy who is very gentlemenly and I'm wondering would this article help me in letting my best friend be my girlfriend? for years she was always on my mind and I've always wanted to show her how much I love her... idk she doesn't seem like the type of girl who would get into bed with someone she knows little about, but Idk please help me out here!

P's picture

Best post in dating advice history


I am 41. Tall, exceptionally fit, good job, intelligent, adventurous... You name it! I discovered the TOTAL DEAD-ON TRUTH of this post graduallly by myself over the past 5 years. I tell all readers: THIS POST is it. Sorry for Chase himself and all the other "dating advice" people out there : follow the exact steps in this post, get your confidence, lifestyle and "inner game" together, and your life will change dramatically. Do NOT listen to women - they are the worst dating advice people on the planet! Trust me - i am living example of how bang-on this post is! Congrats on this one, Chase! Wow!

Anonymous's picture

So True!!!


I couldn't figure it out, but yes, yes, yes. It's just been a coincidence that I've been successful, and unsuccessful exactly as you described here. Now I know why. Excellent post!

Anonymous's picture

dude words alone can't


dude words alone can't explain how awesome you are. I'm so glad that finally someone out there realizes this. Infact I've figured this out on my own once. You have to move fast and be direct with women. I see so many guys who say be her friend first and crap and guess what? They never get her. But this along with all of your articles are great.

Drex's picture

Brilliant


Chase, this is awesome! Your ability to articulate what you're doing, and why it works, sets you apart from the Matrix Herd just as much as your ability to actually make things happen.

Anonymous's picture

The man speaks the truth


Despite having slept with over 15 different women in my life I was never quite sure how I did it. That is, until I read this article. It's all so clear now. Thank you sir for breaking the spell!

PrehistoricMan's picture

Very counter-intuitive


It is amazing how "what works" differs so much from what "one thinks it works"...

it is probably society, family, talking too much with women as "friends", movies that constantly fills our minds with useless if not counter-productive information.

I have read this article for the first time and thought: this doesn't make sense, but then I go back to the times I actually was successful with women and start to realize that's just the way it is.

Men of this century really need perspective change.

Anonymous's picture

what about if you want to get


what about if you want to get a girl whos working as a waitress or something?

Anonymous's picture

The First date.


Okay so I read this article after my first date with this amazing girl and now I am kicking my self in the head. I did everything that you said on my our except the close! I went on a blind date through a mutual friend it went fantastic, she ended up coming back to my place after only an hour of dinner, we where going to watch a movie but to my surprise she wanted to play video games instead keep in mind I'm 18 years old. Nothing happened she ended up having to go so I walked her to her car she said "I had a really great time we should do this again" and then she paused so I kissed her. It was on the lips and she kissed me back after I tried to pull away. then she left. After reading this post I feel like I could have gone a lot further. So my question is how do I right this wrong.

J_Man's picture

What if I've already made these mistakes?


Chase,

"Being nice, and paying for things for women, and trying to be impressive to them isn't how to get girls."

I've already done both of these things, and I can tell she's starting to slow down, and waning even.

What can I do to get her to see me as someone to hook up with? Note, she has already expressed her interest before and talked about taking me home. I could tell one night she wanted to kiss me, but the last person at the establishment wouldn't leave when she asked him to. So the conditions were not right either time. I read your article on escalation windows, and that was a definite miss.

I'm feeling at a loss here, but she's really cool. I do have an advantage tho - I see her every day. She runs the MMA Gym I train at, and I'm a fighter.

Is there a remedy here?? Please help..

Mickey's picture

God, was that ever depressing!!!


I know what I have to do now:

1) Give up my law teaching job.
2) Start gambling and drinking.
3) Become an international drug runner.
4) Smoke more weed.
5) Become an all around thug.

Then the babes will be mine for the taking!!! OH, JOY!!!

Anonymous's picture

I think at one part it


I think at one part it contradicts with your another post. In here you advise to 'exchange names right away' but there is another post(she doesn't even need to know your name) which you advise not to let her know your name. So which is the way?

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