Should You Be Lovers… or Friends?
While growing up, women always meant one thing to me: girlfriend material. Women were always potential lovers; never once did it slip into my mind that I could be friends with them.
It wasn’t until I started racking up lovers that I felt the need to slot women into particular roles in my life. I couldn’t (and didn’t) want to sleep with every woman that came into my life, because some women ended up becoming a bigger headache than they were worth as lovers.
However, I began to realize the importance and utility that a mutual friendship could produce. High status women are excellent for social fulfillment, preselection, and they can help you get a closer look at how women act on a daily basis.
Unfortunately, I ran into quite the conundrum. I would harmlessly flirt with women, only to find myself sleeping with them and having our friendships break down. Women would seek sex from me, and I would give it to them, thinking we could still be friends afterwards.
After all, it was just sex.
As I quickly began to realize, I was ruining potential friendships and potential lovers by flipping in between definite roles. The relationships were in some weird middle of the road status, and things would become awkward in a hurry when neither of us knew how to proceed.
What was the underlying problem for me?
I wasn’t defining our relationships roles from the outset. The perpetual chaos that ensues in this situation works against producing stable relationships and causes them to break down. I lost plenty of women because of my indecisiveness, and you could too if you don’t know where each woman belongs in your life.
The Ill-Defined Relationship
Couldn’t you just let things play out as they will, and not care about how women fit into your life?
Sure, if you enjoy endless drama and lack of satisfaction.
Most men and women go through life just doing what feels right. But what feels right now might not be the best solution later.
For example, sleeping with a high value girl who is always there for you may feel right when you’re both drunk and alone, but the next morning she’ll act rather awkward, and things will break down, because your relationship has lost its form – it’s undefined.
On the opposite side of the spectrum, you could try and go backwards with a lover and relegate your roles to being just friends. But things will feel awkward, with you both knowing that you really wanted more; you wanted to move forward.
Defining roles in a relationship not only helps you avoid such scenarios, but it enables you to make your life a whole lot easier. Let me show you how.
As you may already know, women primarily fit people into three roles in their lives: lovers, providers, and friends. Men can be none, one, two, or perhaps even all of these.
The same reigns true for women in men’s lives – but men are typically quite adamant about providing for themselves, so women are primarily lovers and friends in their lives.
Typically, when you meet women, they are fitted into their roles. They may just be a lover, maybe a friend, or maybe both.
The issue that we’re focusing on right now is when you initially put women into either the friend category or the lover category and then you try and pull a reversal and place women in the other category, or perhaps both.
When you try to switch these roles, it just doesn’t work out.
A common example where men try and reverse these roles is when they find themselves falling for a female friend of theirs.
Maybe she dressed in an extremely sexy red dress recently, and applied the right amount of preselection, or maybe she has been attracted to you all this time and you’ve relegated her to the friend zone. The point is, you want to change roles.
But, you must stay strong from the outset of the relationship. Crossing barriers rarely yields useful results, as you’re trying to go back on a role that has been defined over months of experience with only one night of the alternative. Chaos ensues, and neither of you are quite happy with the way things panned out.
What’s a man to do to prevent such a scenario from occurring?
He must not only define her role quickly, but also stay vigilant about preserving that role.
Defining Roles – Friend or Lover?
The hardest part in this riddle is not in understanding that you’re better off with defining roles. That’s knowledge that can be quickly passed on.
The execution of deciding whether or not women should be your friend, your lover, or both, is a much more difficult task. This is because women so rarely fit into one role. They often have characteristics that could justify having them in either, or both.
That’s why deciding these types of things typically comes down to understanding what you need most in your life.
If you’re like most men reading this website, you want to have more lovers. Girls who are friends are the least of your worries.
In addition to having women who are lovers, most guys want nothing more than a girlfriend, or a girl who is both a lover and a friend.
However, eventually, you come to the point where you aren’t at a loss for either of these roles, and you simply need to decide which women belong where.
No matter what the scenario is, it’s important to ask specific questions to test and screen women to see which role they fit into, if any. This all comes down to using the right questions to best identify and screen women for specific roles.
The Screening – What to Ask Her (and Yourself)
In order to properly understand how well each woman falls into each role on not only an emotional level, but on a logical level, each role must be processed by asking some questions about her both to yourself and to her.
To start off with, let’s ask some questions about who she is, also known as:
Ask yourself, is she…
- Easy to get?
- Socially valuable?
- Useful in some matter other than sex?
- Good for preselection?
- High social status?
- Comfortable to be around?
As you may have guessed, her personality closely matches that of a friend.
Or, is she…
- Sexually attractive?
- Stimulating to be around?
- Fun and exciting?
- A challenge?
If you primarily answered yes to these questions, then she’s better fitted for being a lover.
The unfortunate thing about personality is that you often find these things out much later into a relationship. These, however, are the questions you must ask yourself to ensure that you made the right decision in the beginning.
Since personality traits are learned much later on in getting to know a girl, it is important to rely upon an active approach. You must screen her to obtain the knowledge you seek.
Questions to Screen With: Lover
- Do you like to travel?
- You seem like a girl who likes to toy with men, simply because it’s fun. Is that true?
- Are you a challenging girl?
- How often do you go out?
- Are you always dressed so sexy?
Questions to Screen With: Friend
- Would you rather be the hero, or the villain?
- You seem like a good, reliable friend. Is that true?
- Do you have a lot of social connections? You seem to know everybody here.
Of course, this list of questions to screen with is not exhaustive. Once you understand the personality traits of a woman, you can use any of the screening techniques above to seek out knowledge on whether or not she fits better in the role of lover or friend.
But what about the combination: the girlfriend?
Say, if you are looking for a girlfriend, or a girl who satisfies all of the above characteristics, how would you then proceed?
Quite easily: you actively screen and ask yourself whether or not she fits into both scenarios, in addition to screening for the typical traits that you’d find in a girlfriend, such as:
- Having a good relationship history (doesn’t cheat or cause excessive drama)
- Doesn’t have too many past lovers
- Doesn’t have too many temptations (constantly partying, drinking, etc.)
As you can see, screening is the ultimate tool in understanding how to appropriately assess whether or not she belongs in either scenario. It all comes down to understanding what you want – only then you can get there.
In case there was any confusion: if she doesn’t pass any of the screens, then the best idea is to simply dump her from your life.
She offers little to no value for you if she is neither a good friend nor a good lover, and most guys can’t afford to take on a project and teach women how to provide value; that’s often a result of the will to change emanating from within, rather than a result of you convincing her that she needs to offer you value.
However, with girls who don’t pass, there is always the capacity for change.
What If Things Change?
In order to cement roles and avoid getting into less than ideal, ill-defined relationships, you must define her role early on with accuracy.
However, the scenario can pop up where things have changed, and she may be better suited to being a lover, or perhaps now she’d be better as a friend.
Is it alright to change then?
Unfortunately, no. Like always, it’s hard to change roles once they’ve already been set, and time doesn’t act in favor of changing things so easily.
The only scenario where such a thing can occur is when you didn’t enter into any type of relationship – perhaps she didn’t pass any of your initial screens, but when you meet her again a few months/years down the line she is absolutely exuding sexuality.
Also, it is interesting to note that it is a possibility to go from friends to lovers. However, this is rare, and typically only happens if they were on the orbit of your social circle, not a full-fledged, emotionally connected friend.
That’s why we’re primarily focusing on developed relationships where you’ve already spent a decent amount of time with each other, as that is the point in which changing between roles isn’t easily accepted.
The roles feel cemented, and things will become broken if you try changing them once they’ve hardened.
Luckily, there are so many women out there that you can and will find a replacement. Many of my ill-defined relationships have broken down into sparse communication, and that’s most likely where they will rest: forever platonic, because I flipped between roles so often.
And, for each one that died, I replaced it with a new, stronger relationship.
Relationships without Headache
Once I got into the habit of defining roles, my relationships became much stronger, as everyone knew exactly what they were about. Friends became better friends, lovers became better lovers, and girlfriends became better girlfriends.
I have the sneaking suspicion that the reason most guys seek out purely girlfriends instead of friends and lovers is because they don’t try to separate the roles.
As a result, anytime they try to just be one thing, they end up switching halfway, creating such bad relationships. And the only time things ever work out with women is when they go after girlfriends, because they know precisely how to define this relationship, because it’s much easier for them to be either everything or nothing, instead of only satisfying one role.
But, by unlocking the ability to separate the two, you get a whole new type of relationship where you can involve many more people in your life, and thus unlock much more abundance and value. You not only get high value women as girlfriends, but those who typically would only fit into one role can fill the gaps.
More options for friends and lovers is always a plus in your life – especially if you didn’t have many before.
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