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Monogamy and non-monogamy each face their own unique challenges.
Women in monogamous relationships can grow bored; women in
non-monogamous ones, jealous.
Contents
1. Exclusive Relationship Challenges
2. Managing Boredom/Complacency
There are many different kinds of relationships available to the romantically gifted man. There’s classical monogamy, of course. There are friends with benefits relationships and fuckbuddies. Open long-term relationships (polyamory). There’s one-sided monogamy. Even pimp-ho and master-slave relationships, if you really want to explore the dark side (which we won’t do here).
All these, more or less, fall into one of two categories: open (in which the partners may see other people) and exclusive (in which the partners don’t – or at least aren’t supposed to – see other people. Sometimes people are naughty though). Today’s article explores the two primary challenges each style of relationship faces: the biggest challenges to the health of exclusive and non-exclusive romantic relationships.
I recently kicked off a series (the “How to Build a Harem” series) to convey what I’ve learned about non-monogamous relationships and steer guys who are interested in such relationships in the right direction. I realized that before I can delve into non-monogamy, I need to showcase it as a comparison to the conventional model we all know about. I want to highlight the distinctions between challenges in both systems (if you’re in either one, you might see these in action in just a matter of months, but really they are inevitable).
No system is better than another. There are advantages and disadvantages to all flavors of relationship, but the challenges differ vastly by system. I’ll lay these out to help you figure out which system is right for you while also creating the best outcome for yourself long term.
Comments
Dating in University
Hi Varoon,
Enjoyed this article and summed up some of the key relationship points I've learnt from Girlschase over the past couple of years.
What would you recommend for dating in University when you're dating a girl you're seeing 3-4 times a week because you're in the same class?. How do you prolong the passion phase of the 3+ months? It's hard to not keep our hands of each other when we're always seeing each other but some ideas I had was to compartmentalize it. So class time is focused on class, other times are straight to gym, errands, self-study etc leaving only some study time together. Then to leave a couple of times a week for hanging out, sex and occasional date. This way If I'm gone to gym or busy doing something it doesn't seem like I don't want to hang out with her but rather that I'm busy doing something else.
Any thoughts/recommendations on finding the right balance? I want the passion to last for a long time and to build progress, deeper connection, better and better sex etc
Cheers,
Jason
Dating in University
Hey JasonH,
Glad you enjoyed the article, and love your comment!
It seems like you're in a unique situation, and to me the situation seems quite tight. I'll give you a contrast to show how I run my own relationships, but I think college is it's own little bubble with it's own set of rules. Personally, for FB level women (women I am sexual and friendly with, but not emotionally involved with) I see them every 7-10 days, with 10 days being the ideal; for mLTR level women though (for women I am sexual AND emotionally involved with) I see them one time every week or so if I'm in the same city, and every 2-3 weeks for multiple days if we're in different cities. That's for non-monogamy, though - I'd say a good rate for a monogamous girlfriend is 1-2 days a week to start out. I always tell people this - you can always ramp up the frequency later, but you can never ramp down the frequency because in a girl's mind that feels like the relationship is moving backwards, which feels terrible to her. However, I'm also not in college anymore.
By contrast, you are seeing this girl 3-4 days a week every week it seems, and she's in the same class, and you're studying with her together, and probably doing other things too. Yeah, that's tough man - I think you've bubbled yourself into a situation where you can't limit the amount of time you see her, and therefore you're probably going to burn through the passion phase faster than otherwise. On the flip side, you're also studying together, and that's mutual growth and relationship progress, and a bonding activity, so it is a good thing. The relationship could well last a long time anyway, and you can keep it as passionate as you want with good leadership.
I think your compartmentalization approach is a good one. You've gotta have a conversation with her where you tell her that you care for her and enjoy spending time with her, but you're also an ambitious guy who likes to get lots of other things done, and when you get those things done it leaves you more time to be attentive and present with her. Something like that, said nicely and at the right time. And yeah, do your things - she should understand that you want to have a life outside of her too.
All in all, you can't reverse the precedents you've already set (which is also why it's important to set good precedent in the first place!) and if you try to, to a girl it feels like backwards momentum in the relationship and a lack of desirability. So I'd say, keep leading the way you are, keep the passion alive on your own with good leadership, and compartmentalize your life like you've noted, and I think you should do just fine with her!
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