Stop Saying (and Doing) Things That Lose You Girls | Girls Chase

Stop Saying (and Doing) Things That Lose You Girls

Marty, a GC member, commented on my post on “The 7 Key Qualities in Men Woman Want”:

Hello Colt,

This is a great reminder, and very useful checklist, of seven important aspects of being a better man in general, as well as more attractive to women! Thank you.

I'd be the last person to wish to offer constructive feedback, but I wondered if you could go into a little more detail on #4? Unlike for the other six qualities, there are no cross-referencing links to articles, and your use of the phrase "get it" borders on glibness—who knows what informative treasures might lurk between those two short words? ☺

A brief description of the "subtext" you speak about would be immensely helpful!

Thanks again,


This is a really important comment. This subtext that Marty references is extremely important for success with women, and unfortunately, it’s something that not a lot of guys get right. They pay too much attention to their surface level actions and not what’s occurring below the surface.

lose girls

Imagine: you see a cute girl across the room who is definitely eyeing you. She’s smiling, she’s looking over and she’s just waiting for you to come over and enter her world. So you walk over with that perfect line simmering in your head and you deliver it.

And it flops. She gives you a look of disappointment and turns away, or she mentions how she has to go find her friend and runs off.

Losing a girl because you said or did the wrong thing at any point in an interaction can be such a frustrating and dumbfounding feeling. So today I’m going to talk about how to prevent yourself from saying and doing the things that lose you girls and how to really pay attention to subtext, which is what girls are really paying attention to.

What I’m going to lay out may surprise you a bit, but I promise it’ll be worth it.

Colt WilliamsAbout the Author: Colt Williams

Raised in the American Midwest, Colt Williams made a name for himself in dating with a style based on soulful poetic seductions and playful dance floor antics. His style is all about inspiring girls and drawing them into one’s world. You can book phone coaching with him here, or get a copy of his guide to getting laid on Tinder, the product of months of study and experimentation by him on the medium.


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Spirit's picture

This article came at a perfect time for me. I'm just starting out and the deep diving/conversations are going well but I've definitely noticed the interactions aren't as sexual as they should be, and you just gave me exactly the list that I needed-great stuff bro!

Colt Williams's picture


I'd rather in a situation at the right time over having the right thing to say. So much of life is timing, so that makes me glad to hear!

Anonymous's picture

I so agree with your closing paragraphs. I got into it because I am trying my hand at entrepreneurship. I am still at the very beginning stages of trying to make my business take off and I realized I still have a lot to learn. I also am coming to terms very quickly that I can expect to experience failure many times as I currently am doing but the important thing is to go from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.

I used to be terrified of approaching girls and because of this shift in mindset I have adopted with my business, I slowly becoming less rejection-adverse and outcome-independent. There was a night not too long ago where I approached ten girls and was shot down by every one of them. This may sound like a total failure in the eyes of the slightly less novice but for me it was huge. I realized that night I didn't die from rejection.

And I also had a stupid grin as I lay in bed that night, contemplating the evening's events.

Colt Williams's picture


It's all about understanding that failure is many ways more valuable than success. And those 10 rejections are valuable -- they increased your outcome independence and help you to hone your skills. I'm glad that you've made the shift to appreciating the journey. Welcome brother.


Spirit's picture

One thing I can't quite reconcile - you say under Don't be an orbiter that you should state your intentions early on-yet how to do this while remaining a challenge and building intrigue?

Colt Williams's picture


You don't have to say outright "I want to seduce you!" But you should be making sexual jokes and show her that you are man who is not going to talk to her platonically. You can still do that while still framing and challenging her.


340Breeze's picture

Wonderful article. It really synthesizes many of the component mentalities that a man will gain and use during his journey toward mastery. Important piece. Especially because of the subtext phenomenon. Subtext is something that is incredibly important but isn't something taught in school. Reading between the lines and inferring what's going on is incredibly important if you want to know how to act in various situations. It's not like girls typically advertise their needs/wants in logical fashion. Many times, they send their signals by implying with body language, choosing certain words very carefully, etc. Sometimes girls even seem deliberately decline your request, but if you look into their eyes you can tell they're open to the idea...but they're just 'being difficult.'

Anyway, I'm nowhere near a master yet, but I still recognize the patterns when I see them and act on them. As I approach mastery, I've naturally come to treat every new woman as someone unique, like a blank canvas in which I can create something beautiful if she wants it. I never really know exactly what to expect, nor exactly what I will say and/do until it's time to say it. There are simply too many variables, too many potential responses. It's kind of like one big experiment with these girls. Try a and see if b will happen. If c happens instead then try d. And if nothing works, who cares?

I guess the panoply of unknown responses is the challenge, and what makes it all to improvise and to pull things off. I usually don't get bored and auto-reject (unless she's really boring or acting superior/aloof rude or just not into seduction at all). As I gain more experience, my initial expectations of what women should/shouldn't do for me have gone way way down. I don't know if I really expect anything specific anymore. If she feels attraction for me, great. If she doesn't then oh well, I tried. As I gain more experience, my entitlement mentality has faded alot. With the help of girlschase, I've realized that I have a job to do if I expect to reap the benefits of women responding well to me. I guess this is the ultimate know that hard work and understanding simply makes it easier to operate. Confidence emerges as side effect.

But what's unsettling to me though is that you all have said here on girlschase before that girls, more so than men, tend to be masters of the social arts because they have so much experience in socializing and dealing with/talking about their feelings. As I approach mastery in socializing with women, my entitlement mentality has gone down, and I'm much more forgiving of 'mistakes.' Maybe too forgiving, but I guess I always realized that no one is perfect. This mental model is just part of the culture of where I'm from. And it seems like a lot of guys who begin to master seduction operate the same way too. So why don't alot of girls, who tend to be more of the 'masters' of socializing, cut guys more slack, instead of seemingly auto-rejecting immediately following a 'mistake'?

As a beginner, when you attach strong emotions for a new woman (who hasn't yet invested in you to even deserve such emotions), it's disheartening when you unwittingly make a mistake with her, and it's game over, time go play with some other woman. This response seems kinda intolerant to me, and maybe this is why beginners get so confused and bitter...because they wouldn't treat the women they like in the same way; auto-rejecting them/flaking on seemingly a whim. Obviously as you gain more experience, improve your fundamentals and gain preselection, and as a result you increase your abundance mentality, auto-rejection plays less of a role to you; either you avoid causing it to occur in the first place, or you just don't care.

But can you shed some light on why some girls seem to be like this? Extremely intolerant of mistakes? Can it be that the in-demand women are so inundated by male attention, and since they can't spend time with all the men that ping them, they in-turn develop a harsh process of elimination? Like what is their rationale for seemingly harsh, unpredictable, and intolerant auto-rejection? I don't understand it, since as I gain more experience, I auto-reject less than I used to, and I thought women were much more experienced socializers...



Colt Williams's picture


I think that a multitude of girls have scores of men trying to get in their pants. Especially those girls who tend to frequent bars and other night venues. I don't think that they deny the men with any malicious intent. But it's like a high-value sports player fielding a lot of offers. You have no qualms with the people pitching lower offers, but you're going to disregard them if the high-value offers come into play.

And it's funny that it's the exact same way once you get an abundance of women. Some women are sweet, but you simply aren't interested in them for time/attractiveness reasons, so you just disregard their advances. So yes, it's a learning experience on how to make a more powerful impression on women so that they don't just disregard you right off the bat.

Hope that helps to clear things up.


Anonymous's picture

So a friend and I are competing for this girl. We are going about it very civilized and adultlike. Anyway, I was meant to have a date with her this friday and he was meant to have a date with her next monday. I have better skills with women than my friend, but I just realized that I have a flight to another state that evening and i'm getting back monday night. I am going to have to reschedule to next friday, because she leaves the country on the 26. I was wondering what I should text her to reschedule without sounding desperate? Also, will it hurt my chances if he's already met with her. He plans on hooking up with her, but I don't think she'll let him. I have no idea though. Any advice?

Colt Williams's picture


I really apologize for the late response. I hope it all worked out with the girl. I would've just been chill in the text and emphasized in a joking way that you're just "such a busy man" and that you have to reschedule with her. The friend going out with her would've been irrelevant in my mind. Especially if she's leaving. But I do hope that it all turned out for you.



Allen's picture

So I started reading the intro to this article on the bus until I noticed a beautiful girl also on the bus who was falling asleep. There is something so sexy and elegant, yet innocent about a hot girl sleeping. I could imagine grabbing her hair and kissing her, or her performing oral sex on me as I watched her lay her head back, eyes toward the ceiling. We got off at the same stop where I was hoping to talk to her. We came to a stop light which was red but she changed direction just as I approached but hovered in my area at her green light. She was sending me an approach invitation. It was the perfect opportunity and I hesitated, then she quickly walked away. We came to the same bus stop and again, I missed another opportunity out of fear and she decided to walk.

As anyone reading this can tell, I have approach anxiety. I'm completely new to picking up women off the street as well. I've studied multiple articles here but haven't made many approaches out of fear. Wondering what to say, how to say it, what the girl will think, even what people around me will think. I got home feeling down and said to myself this has got to stop. I'm missing way too many extremely easy opportunities and probably tons of amazing women because of fear. I've improved my fundamentals to attract women but let it all go to waste because of hesitation. I've read all about the devil may care attitude but I haven't ingrained it into my mind and my actions yet.

That's why the closure to your article really hit home to me, Colt. The times I've taken action and failed felt good, because I was improving. The game is really all about myself, about the journey like you mentioned. I enjoy women and I enjoy just conversing with them and making them smile as much as having sex with them. In the end, its all fun and experience. Anyone who lets fear hold them back like I do with myself is victimizing themselves. I've absolutely had enough of not taking action, and thanks to your article I'm just going to go enjoy myself and stop taking this too seriously.

Fortune favours the bold.

Thanks, Colt

Colt Williams's picture


I was so very happy to read all of that. Fortune does indeed favor the bold. As long as you keep progressing you'll be amazed to see how far you've come in a few months and a few years. Keep walking.


Kuro's picture

Thanks for the article Colt.

I used to do the same thing every time... and got friend zoned every single time. I began trying new things a few months ago and I've accidentally made a few women hate me, but it beats being friend zoned. At least with this I'm learning something... and I'm finding I actually am having a better experience with women overall.

Also, that last part of your article is so true for me. You see there was this girl I really liked, but she never reciprocated how I felt. So like an idiot I let her trap me in the friend zone for years... all the while she slept with guys that knew what they were doing.

Of course I do want to be successful with women, but what really got me wanting to learn seduction is the way she always disrespected me. She acted like any remotely attractive girl was too good for me, including herself. So maybe it sounds stupid, but I want to improve my skills with women to show her - and everyone else - that I am desirable and I do deserve respect. And if I manage to turn things around so much she actually asks me out... I'll take great joy in rejecting her. ;)

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