It’s a question as old as the art of seduction itself: what do women want? Legions of men out there have spent long, lonely nights – following a rejection or disappointing night outing – pondering this question.
So… really, what do women want? Well, luckily for you, one of the things at the top of their list is a quality man. And what do they look for? What defines the men women want? Today I’m going to outline the 7 key qualities that all women (but especially the most high-value ones) look for in a man.
A few days ago I was talking to a good friend about a date that he had just gone on with a very hot girl. This is a girl who has dated a man in every high-powered or prestigious position you can imagine: football players, CEOs, world bankers… the list goes on.
And yet… there she was… sitting in a quiet coffee shop sipping on a mocha latte with a friend who didn’t have any of these prestigious accolades to his name. So why was she out with him? Because he had something much more important.
I will discuss what this was a bit later; but for now, I’ll tell you what this girl did next. This hot girl spent most of the date talking about why she dumped some of the most powerful men in the country.
She was paying direct homage to what Chase has discussed all along on this site: which is that money does not equal dominance or a high skill level with women. Money will definitely help you draw women in (see: conspicuous consumption), and if they’re materialistic – it will help you keep them around. But, if they’re not particularly materialistic, and are looking for legitimate mate value in other ways, women will drop rich guys like sacks of potatoes. And that’s what happened to these unfortunate souls on this girl’s list (though, I’m sure most of them got over it).
So, before I start launching into what it is that the fairer sex does want, it’s important to understand what women don’t want, and make sure that you minimize and/or rid yourself of these qualities.
What women don’t want:
#1: Men Who Complain
There is probably nothing more unattractive to a woman than a man who constantly complains.
It’s one thing if she’s been in a relationship with him for 3 months and he vents his frustration every so often. But a man who’s trying to seduce her? Tough luck.
And the bigger the complaint, the more it hurts your level of respect in her eyes.
You slipped on a puddle and are whining about how you stained your coat? Minus 1 point.
You constantly complain about how you can’t get a break in life, how you so desperately want to get ahead, and how the world is out to get you? Minus 20 points. And that means game over.
#2: Men Who Put Them on a Pedestal
The Internet age has done something very interesting for the modern Western woman. It’s given obiters and overly thirsty men the world over the ability to stroke her ego and try to “convince” her to sleep with them by telling her how beautiful she is, or how great they are as men… or by just liking all of her pictures on Facebook or Instagram.
The Internet age has created an absolute haven for women being put on a pedestal. Women know it. And women love it… in theory. They like the fact that they are getting the validation from these endless hordes of men, but they never actually want to sleep with them. “Ew, no,” she thinks. She wouldn’t sleep with any of them. BUT, they are sweet and the attention is nice.
The men she wants NEVER put her on a pedestal. What normal human being would want someone they actually respect and lust for treating them like some holy object not worthy of them? No one. But what most guys don’t understand is that for every cute or hot girl one hits on, there are thousands of men throughout her lifetime who have put her on a pedestal and foolishly chased after her. Literally thousands. So, what’s number 4301 to her? Nothing.
She’s looking for the man who won’t do that.
You want to put her on a pedestal? Then that’s the only place you’ll be putting her.
#3: Men Who Don’t Have Any Friends
Women not only want men who are great lovers, but also men who are loved by many people – males and females alike. Of course you can do fine when you go out alone and talk to girls. But, if you take a girl to bed and start to spend more time with her, and she becomes increasingly aware of your social life to then discover that you don’t spend time with any other people… the alarms will go off in her head.
She’ll start to wonder whether there’s something wrong with you if she’s the only person spending time with you. This is probably the easiest trap to avoid, but I definitely know some men who have fallen into it. So, in case you need a primer on making friends, check these posts out on making guy friends, female friends, and just making friends in general.
#4: Neediness and Insecurity
If you’ve interacted with a decent number of girls, regardless of age, you’ve probably noticed that girls – particularly those who are more attractive – are very flakey. Their flakiness isn’t particularly malicious, but it is exacerbated by the high number of options that they have in terms of partners and lovers. And this fact DRIVES MEN CRAZY.
Have you ever had this feeling? You text a girl, she’s sending you smile faces and energetic responses… and then she just goes cold. You text her, she takes 12 hours respond. You text her a couple more times… and then she just stops responding altogether. It can drive you crazy if you really like her.
But here’s a secret: many girls use their flakiness as a screening tool. If a guy gets needy or is clearly insecure and starts trying to trap or chase her, the girl will just move on to the next one.
And it’s important to know that even if you successfully seduce a girl, you can still sabotage yourself by getting needy. If you sleep with a girl you really like and find yourself in a situation where you can’t stop thinking about her, that neediness will seep into all of your interactions, turn her off, and have her cut you off.
Similarly, women will shy away from guys who don’t believe in themselves and look to women for validation of their self-worths.
There are additional smaller traits that can hurt you with women, but this list covers the main four that will really get you in hot water unless you get them shored up.
And, now that we’ve covered what traits don’t want, let’s look at the qualities that women really value and look for in the men they do want.
Let me begin by saying that as we all know, no two women are exactly the same. However, there is certainly a foundation of qualities that all women – regardless of their more particular tastes – will value.
So here are the qualities women look for, in no particular order:
Men are born to be leaders. And as a leader, you must learn to rely on yourself and your own masculine abilities in order to be the rock in a woman’s life. They value a man’s ability to be self-reliant, mature, and have his life together without using other people as a crutch.
Women want men who are daring and adventurous: men who aren’t afraid to pack up and move halfway across the world at a moment’s notice.
When it comes to women of any level of attractiveness, you don’t have to be smart; you don’t have to be especially good looking; you don’t have to be rich; you don’t have to be cut… but you do need to be confident.
Remember my story from earlier of the friend who was out on a date with a perfect 10? This was the one factor that set him apart from all of the rich and pseudo-famous men that she had dumped in the past. Did some of these men of her past have confidence? Absolutely. Did all of them? Doubtful.
But, when I talk about confidence, I don’t just mean walking around with your chest puffed out and speaking loudly like some sort of Gaston. This kind of blind confidence does not equal success.
What I mean by confidence is having an assurance of who you are. My friend has never been afraid to be himself to the highest degree. He’s more comfortable in his own skin than many of the celebrities you see in magazines.
Additionally, he always:
- Gives elite eye contact
- Makes good use of pregnant pauses
- Uses social pressure
- Turns the conversation back to the girl
- Is just the right amount of mysterious
He’s an eccentric, multi-cultural creative and he absolutely owns it. And this drives women wild. And that’s why he has this “perfect 10” – and many other girls that most guys would fantasize about – wrapped around his fingers.
Myself, I am a fun loving, deep conversation having, entrepreneur-dancer-philosopher-traveler-writer, and I absolutely own that. Does it work on every girl? Absolutely not. But why would I want it to?
But do you really want to attract every girl? That means attracting:
- All of the crazies
- The drugged out heroin addicts
- The excessive party girls who have sex with any guy who is willing, etc.
Think about it!
And to a less extreme extent, if you’re a guy who’s into online gaming and paintball, do you really want a granola super-hippy who’s constantly trying to educate you about people’s “auras”? Do you want a girl who’s not your physical type? You may want to have sex with such a girl, but what’s more important is compatibility and sustainability.
The reason why guys want “every girl” to like them is because they really just want to be liked in general. They envision girls smiling and laughing at all the things they say; and they envision girls just generally validating them. But you can’t stake your validation on a girl. That’s an express ticket to a chase mentality. Furthermore, once you gain more experience, you’ll learn that a lot women who are attracted to you won’t validate you at all. They’ll just expect you to persist and push forward in order to seduce them.
So throw out that “every girl” nonsense. Me? I want to attract the girls who are excited by the things that I’m excited about.
And does my confident self-assurance work on these girls? You better believe it.
This one should really go without saying, but a lot of men in the West are taught to contain their sexuality by the many cultural influences of our society.
But despite what the media may tell you, or what women themselves may tell you, women love sexy men. Women love men who aren’t afraid to show their lustful/sensual side and get a girl excited about the buildup to having sex.
#4: Social Adroitness
Women often complain about men who “don’t get it.” These men walk around fumbling their way through social interactions, and can’t pick up on the subtext that is always going on in a conversation with a female.
As such, women value men who are socially adroit: men who know how to listen, how to build comfort, and how to communicate with them on their terms.
One of the saddest occurrences in the world is not a man’s death, but a man living without purpose. The great paradox of the seduction game is the fact that the easiest way to get women is to make sure that they are never your top priority.
Should you approach women? Without question. Should you compliment and flirt with them? That goes without saying. Should you seduce them? Dumb question. But should you make them your number 1 priority? Never!
There are definitely some people in the seduction game who treat picking up girls like it’s their actual job.
Well, consider this: say you ran around for 2 years, approaching your little heart out, and then finally landed your dream girl. You date her for a year and then you end up marrying her. Then what? What is your life’s purpose now that you’ve landed the woman of your dreams?
Seducing women is not a life purpose. It’s a great boon to help you accomplish a greater goal on your one journey through this world.
- Giving your time to rebuild impoverished communities is a purpose.
- Creating art or music is a purpose.
- Masterminding businesses is a purpose.
- Leading a movement is a purpose.
Women look for guys who have a purpose because they want to build a
life with someone who has greater aspirations that they can be a part
of in some way. Maybe it’ll be joining you on the path to fulfilling
your purpose; maybe it will be supporting you while she looks to you
for support to fulfill her own. But either way, you’ll be hard pressed
to find a quality woman if you don’t understand who you are and you
aren’t trying to find out why you’re here.
I know that there’s a belief among men that girls only go for guys who are assholes. But if you read the post that I just linked, Chase is specific in mentioning that you can’t be an asshole for no reason. Those are the kinds of people that everyone just loathes.
Being an asshole is just another way of saying that you’re in control. Whether he’s putting himself out there or drawing in a woman to put herself out there, the asshole is always in control in terms of what he gives out to other people.
That being said: someone who is in control and genuinely cares about others is considered warm. And warmth is what women truly want.
Women want a man who won’t be pushed around by other people, but will treat people with care and empathy – and that goes especially the lovers in his life. They want a man who knows how to connect with people, and they want a man they can tell their friends about to make them jealously swoon.
Women want men who are strong, confident and dominant, no doubt. But they also want their man to be vulnerable, empathetic and flawed. There’s an interesting article about how people who make mistakes are actually much more likeable: check it out here.
This is because as human beings, we can’t relate to perfection. So though we may admire people who seem to have everything going for them, we can’t actually connect with them. And if there’s anything you want to do with a girl, it’s connect with her in every sense. Women want to be able to peel away your layers and reveal a man that they understand fully.
It’s not especially difficult to avoid the pitfalls that put women off. And it’s also very manageable to embrace the qualities that women actually want. The men women want are:
- On a mission
Like anything in life, knowledge is power. If you understand what you’re aiming for and you know what you have to do to get there (i.e., read this site and go out there and get experience), then you’ll inevitably find success with time.
And hey, you might even find the girl of your dreams!