Secrets to Getting Girls: The Last 5%
I was sitting in a nightclub tonight, smoke and booze surrounding me, sipping on a Jack and Coke (or what passes for one in this country), and thinking about some past interactions and feeling vaguely annoyed. There was the girl on Saturday whose friend was pushing her to go home with me as hard as she could, but the girl was a little too shy and wanted to push that back. I didn’t push as hard as I could; I still have a decent chance with her – she’s set to come cook dinner for me later this week – but my chances would’ve been better had I pushed a bit harder and taken her home that night. She liked me enough, but rather than close it out when I had it I let it slip through my fingers. Then there was the girl I brought home Friday night but who stayed tense and I didn’t push anything with since I couldn’t get her comfortable. She wants to see me again too, but my chances in the future are far lower than they were that night she was sitting in my apartment.
If I count the number of women I should’ve been with that I didn’t get together with because I dropped the ball during that last 5% of the interaction, when I’d already handled things perfectly during the other 95%, I’d probably go crazy. There was the girl I fooled around with in my hotel room in Ho Chi Minh City who had my cock in her hand and her tits in my mouth, but I didn’t push as hard as I could have and nothing came of it. There was the girl I pulled out of a nightclub in San Diego after a Herculean effort, pulling her out of her own birthday party in VIP and fighting hordes of men competing for her, and her desires for a pretty redhead she made out with on the bar while everyone watched. I had her at my car, alone, with her talking about how she couldn’t go back to sleep at her own place, and I, feeling exhausted after all the work I’d done to get to that point, let it slip during the last 5% and lost it. There was the beautiful newlywed girl I’d met on an airplane who was stretched out on my bed after cooking me dinner, waiting for it, leafing through my SuperSex book while she waited me to join her, and I hesitated and lost it. There are innumerable more like this.
For every success, count at least three dropped balls during the last 5% somewhere along the line. It’s maddening.
Why the Last 5% is So Dangerous
The last 5% of the interaction is the most dangerous part of it there is. This is the point where the girl starts fighting hard and throwing up walls if your close isn’t executed perfectly, and this is the point where you as a man start feeling fatigued from the interaction if you’ve had to manage a lot and you’ve been trying to move things forward for a while. You can also very easily fall into the trap during the last 5% of thinking to yourself, “This girl likes me. I can always just see her another time.”
But that last thought is a fallacy – your chances of getting together with a girl are inordinately higher the first opportunity you get, and they drop drastically each subsequent time. So your chance at getting together with a girl is highest the first time you get a chance to go for intimacy with her; if you have to see her a second time for this, the chance that the two of you get together is markedly lower. A third time, dock yourself even more, and a fourth time, unless she’s an incredibly conservative girl and she’s committed herself to you already for one reason or another, it’s probably not happening.
It’s so easy to get caught thinking otherwise, though. You start feeling fatigued, and your mind thinks it’s easier to just fold than it is to push more and try harder. As it turns out, this phenomenon is a fairly well scientifically established one; after exerting a great deal of willpower, one’s ability to exert further willpower drops precipitously. Which means, if it took you a great deal of work to get a girl to a certain point, the temptation to simply let things fall apart in the last 5% can be great. Your mind, running on empty in the willpower department, just wants to call it a night, get some rest, and freshen up.
This is why acting with intent is of such vital importance – you need to know what purpose you’re meeting girls for and taking them home for. Without purpose, you can lose things at the end, and that’s never a good feeling later on when you go back and reflect. Sometimes you get those girls you let slip through your fingers, but it’s uncommon. Far more likely that you never see them again.
Do Not Go Gentle into That Good Night
“Rage, rage against the dying of the light.” This is the kind of thinking I recommend you take into your interactions with you. When you’ve gone 95% of the way, and the end is in sight, fight against laziness, or lack of willpower, or whatever it is that tempts you to give up the ghost during that last 5%. The girl was ready to go, then starts backing away? Don’t let her go – be persistent and find a way to make it work. It feels like more work at the time, but you will look back and thank yourself later for having done it – rather than look back and smack yourself in the head like I still do with the examples I mentioned above.
Truly, I can think of plenty of moments too where I raged against inertia and lack of willpower and pushed myself through that extra 5%, and I’m forever grateful. My former girlfriend of 2½ years I had a moment where it was basically do or die; I’d just had a huge dinner, my stomach was bursting, but I had one window to get together with the girl and I probably wouldn’t have gotten another. The last thing I wanted to do was go up to her hotel room and make a move and get intimate, but I did, and she ended up being one of the best experiences of my life.
Sometimes you push during that last 5%, and pull out all the stops, and do everything humanly possible to get together with a girl, and it still doesn’t work out. But at least you’ll be able to look back and say to yourself, “I gave it my all.”
You must make the effort to finish the last 5%.
The good news is, as you get more and more experience, the last 5% increasingly becomes as straightforward as the other 95%. You only get weird hang-ups or willpower run-outs during novel situations that tax you mentally more than the scenarios you’ve been through dozens of times already. My last couple of successful pickups I had almost no second thoughts during the last 5%, and everything progressed incredibly smoothly, with hardly any resistance from the girl at the end. This was because I was dealing with standard situations I’d been through over and over again and I was just executing the steps I was accustomed to following.
So, in a way, dropping the ball during the last 5% can actually help you figure out what you need to target. For instance, this past weekend taught me I need to be targeting:
- Situations where I bring the girl home and she’s still uncomfortable
- Situations where the friend is pushing my girl to go home with me but the girl is resisting
Good lessons for a weekend I didn’t even feel like going out during.
Overall, though, the theme here is one of the ones we see throughout seduction: the more experience you get yourself, the more fluidly, effortlessly, and effectively you perform in future encounters. Each dropped ball gets you closer to having it all work out for you next time, so don’t let it get you down. Just learn from those girls you lose during the last 5%; don’t beat yourself up too much; and get out there, meet some more girls, and push a little harder next time.
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