Nonverbal Communication

The chief tenet of the Law of Least Effort in seduction is that the less effort you put in while still achieving the desired result, the more powerful, attractive, and sexy you appear. One of the most powerful ways of doing this is by learning to communicate without the use of words.

If you’ve ever studied very charismatic people – I have, and I recommend it – something you’ll notice is that they frequently say things with fun, charming, wordless expressions. A smile and a wink, say, or a mischievous look. For instance, maybe someone asks a charismatic man if he can handle a certain situation – he gives them the skeptical look with just a hint of a knowing smile and then gets to it. Or maybe he gives a small smile, makes a thumbs up sign, and goes about his business.

The Power of No Words

The Law of Least Effort is not, in fact, the only reason why nonverbal communication positions someone to look powerful, charismatic, and sexually attractive. There’s another reason too, and it goes to the heart of how human social status is weighed and assessed: that reason is assumption of understanding.

Most people don’t use nonverbal communication to the extent that charismatic people do because they’re not confident they can pull it off properly. For instance, ask an average guy if he thinks he can handle something, and if he tries to reply nonverbally it will likely come off too harsh (his expression comes across as if he was insulted at the idea of it) or too patronizing (his expression comes across as if he is trying to say he’s superior to the other person). A man must be extremely precise in his nonverbal communication to convey the right message without crossing signals. Nonverbal communication must be exact, yet subtle. This takes a large degree of social awareness and a sensitivity to how others will respond to messages communicated that only a man of elite social caliber possesses.

So, effective nonverbal communication says two things about you:

1. You are an extremely powerful, attractive man who gets maximal results for minimal effort, and

2. You are an extremely socially attuned man who is highly aware of the thoughts and feelings of those around him and adept at communicating exactly the right message he intends to communicate with no mixed signals.

These are the signs of a man in control of his own movements and outcomes socially, and the signs of a leader. People are drawn to other people who possess the uncommon ability to communicate without words effectively, and it’s a part of what we call “charisma” or “magnetism.”

Developing Nonverbal Communication

To become effective communicating without words, you need practice doing so, which means you’re going to have to start using nonverbal communication and have it be a little clunky for a while. That’s okay, because as you use your communication, you’ll continue to refine it, and become more skilled with it and better able to achieve your desired result socially with a minimum of effort.

There are a handful of different forms of nonverbal communication I recommend you start with. Again, watch movies of strong, powerful, attractive men, and you’ll notice them using these. I recommend you start using them yourself as well.

• The Skeptical Look: follow the link for more information. The skeptical look is an effective catch-all for people saying silly things to you (e.g., a girl telling you, “I bet you’d love to get in my pants right now”), people over-questioning you (e.g., you’ve already said you can or will do something, and someone asks you, “Are you sure?”), and people making requests you don’t think are worth responding to (someone asks you, “Hey, give me your drink and go get another one,” or, “Lend me a hundred bucks, will you?”).

• The Exasperated Look: the effect is the same as if you had sighed, except without being quite so demonstrative. We want to be exact, yet subtle, with our nonverbal communication. When you’re trying to tell something to someone and she just isn’t getting it, or if she keeps trying to get you to do something that you’re not going to do, you can use this expression. To pull it off, you let your shoulders droop a bit, widen your eyes, raise your eyebrows, and give yourself a slightly sad mouth.

• The Thoughtful Look: used to communicate you’re considering something. There are a couple of different ways you can pull this one off, though my favorite is to pucker my lips and take my eyes and look down and away, followed after a pause by turning my head slightly away. You can also raise your hand up and rest it on your chin thoughtfully as you look down and away with your eyes and preferably pucker your lips a bit.

• The Clueless Look: if someone asks you something you don’t know, or for your opinion about something you don’t have an opinion about (e.g., “Where should we go eat?”), you can respond by shrugging your shoulders, raising your eyebrows, widening your eyes, and pulling your mouth down in a slightly exaggerated frown to nonverbally say, “I don’t know.” Interesting note: the facial expression used here is a more exaggerated version of the one used in the exasperated look, with higher eyebrows, wider eyes, and a bigger frown – plus shrugging shoulders instead of drooping ones.

• The Cocky Smile: if someone asks you if you really think you can do something, or a girl makes a comment that builds you up (e.g., “Well aren’t you cocky?” or, “Hmm, you must be really good in bed”), you can use this to reply in a very effective, very nonchalant way. You’ll basically droop your eyelids just a bit – adopting “bedroom eyes” – turn your head so that you’re looking at the girl out of the corner of your eyes (sexy eye contact), and smile more with one side of your mouth – a half-smile, though you’re still smiling on the other side of your face, just not as pronounced.

• The “Okaaaaay…” Look: for when someone just says something very insulting or uncalled for or extremely random and bizarre. For this one, you’ll pucker and purse your lips out, hold eye contact for a moment, then slide your eyes off to a corner looking to the side. You can follow this one up by changing your mouth to a half-grimace; check out Robert Downey, Jr. in Iron Man, he uses this expression a few times throughout the movie. Effective for throwing off people who are busting your balls.

Imagine Your Audience

When communicating without words, you’ll find it helpful to imagine the audience of people watching you and monitoring your expressions. In social situations, there often are people watching how you react, and when they see you reacting nonverbally like this, they’re often going to like you more and take your side over whatever the other person is saying, and there’s a very good reason for this:

The person who’s more socially skilled is, generally speaking, far more likely to be “in the right” in social situations.

What that means is, if you’re the more socially skilled person in a two-person conversation you’re in, you’re generally going to be more aware of the other person’s reactions to what you say and do than the other person is going to be to yours, and you’re also going to be more aware of the reactions of everyone else in the vicinity to what you say and do than the other person is going to be of what she says and does. So you’re more likely to be respectful, savvy, aware, and socially graceful.

Thus, if a situation emerges where there is any kind of competition or combativeness, everyone watching – the audience – will be inclined to take the side of the person who is obviously more socially skilled and in-control, and that will quite often be the person putting in less effort and using more wordless communication.

Even when there are no spectators though – even if you’re alone in your home with just you and your girl – it’s helpful to imagine an audience, though. The reason I say this is so is because there often won’t be immediate feedback from your girl – she may be irritated and laying into and not respond immediately to a skeptical look, or she may be busting your balls and not respond to your “okaaaaay…” look. Without immediate feedback, particularly for people new to nonverbal responses, there’s the chance that you end up second-guessing yourself and losing confidence in your nonverbal responses. Trust me though, even if she doesn’t respond instantly, she’s registering your nonverbal responses and recognizing you as a sexy, more powerful, more charismatic man. Even if you don’t see it right away, trust that they’re working, and if you must, do it for your imaginary audience.

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Wordless, nonverbal communication is one of these things that not a lot of people do but that you will see strong results from once you have it down. Personally, situations that used to drive me crazy are now sources of great satisfaction for me – for instance, a girl starts busting my balls, and I give her the skeptical look, and she cuts it out and instantly becomes a lot more romantically and sexually forward (note: girls giving you the hardest time are quite often also the horniest girls and are giving you a hard time because they’re agitated and looking for a man who will put them in their place (socially) and give them what they need (sexually)).

I recommend a lot of movie watching, mainly because there are certain things you simply can’t teach via text. This is about as good a job as I can do of trying to describe facial expressions and nonverbal communication in a blog article; hopefully I didn’t do too terrible a job, but I do recommend checking out movies and seeing if you can spot these communications. Seeing one of these gives you a much better idea how to execute it than any amount of type-written explanation. A picture’s worth a thousand words, goes the saying…

Highly suggest you start incorporating nonverbal communication as a top priority if you haven’t already, though. It’s a remarkable social tool that’s under-discussed, under-used, but inordinately effective. If you want to cut time from your interactions, get past the bullshit, and move fast with girls, word-free communication will help you get there.

Yours,
Chase Amante