Great Fundamentals: Handling Your Intangibles
Lately, I have received a lot of interest and requests for an article on what we refer to as “fundamentals”. If you’re relatively good with women now, then the importance of having a solid base to work off of is probably at least somewhat clear to you.
Entering this field, having proper fundamentals should be your first and immediate concern, before you even attempt to learn anything else. Because if you aren’t attractive to women, then you oftentimes won’t even get a chance to practice the tactics and techniques that you’re learning.
And, that’s what I am going to teach you how to do today: become more instantly attractive to the women you meet.
Sound hard? Well, getting your fundamentals set is actually fairly straightforward and uncomplicated. It’s one of the reasons why guys should start off going down this path.
And, better yet, there are really not a lot of hard and fast rules either. There are literally countless ways to up your value via all the different aspects of the basics and fundamentals, so you can pick and choose what sounds easiest to you at the moment, and work on those things first. All of what I am about to tell you is completely doable for any guy who is just starting out.
Even if you’re brand new to all of this, you can still put these ideas and skills to use and start commanding women’s attention and getting the kind of immediate reactions that you want, while limiting the shrug-offs and confused glares that women will give you if you don’t quite have your foundation set just yet.
What exactly do we mean by “fundamentals”?
It’s a pretty sweeping term, and it covers basically everything from your body language to your voice to the type of clothing you wear and much, much more. Even your male scent (yes, you can work on this too) falls under what we term “fundamentals”. A word to really help explain what we mean when we talk about fundamentals would be “presentation”. Essentially, it is how you present yourself to the women you are meeting.
You’ve probably heard the term “vibe” mentioned quite a bit, when we talk about interacting with a female. Let’s take a look at the (informal) definitions of the terms “fundamentals” and “vibe” as taken from:
From Cambridge Dictionaries Online:
the main or most important rules or parts
the general mood a person or place seems to have and the way they make you feel
Your fundamentals actually create your vibe. This is why things like dressing to impress, having presence, giving a girl strong eye contact and being socially calibrated are so vital to your interactions with women- these things directly affect how you make her feel.
With that out of the way, let’s move on to some examples.
Although the following are all important things to consider as rudimentary to your success in seducing women, I’m not really going to delve into these topics in this article:
Hairstyle and facial hair
Attractive male body
If we did attempt to fully encompass all of those topics at once, it would darned near require us to write an entire book. We could literally write multiple articles on each of them (and in all likelihood we will, just not right at this moment).
In this particular article we will be focusing on some of the more intangible assets that you will need to acquire in order to get women swooning just by your mere presence in the same room.
Your overall mental skill level (intelligence, vocabulary and mental agility), and;
The social calibration that you display.
Each of these things can, and ultimately will at some point, make or break your interactions with women. This is why you need to be at your peak level on each of those three points, as they are simply indispensable assets to have in your arsenal of seducers weaponry.
When you get the mental and physical parts down pat, and learn to be socially agile as well, you will find yourself in a very good place for getting positive reactions from women.
Simply put, the combination of these things is the ultimate seduction package.
Have you ever overheard a woman talking about some man she knows, that she thinks is so sexy, and heard her say the words: “I don’t know what it is… it’s just how he carries himself”? What she is talking about is two things:
- His physical presence (body language)
- His mental presence
This man she is fawning over is a confident, charismatic individual who in all likelihood has a bit of an edge to his personality, and it shows in his movement and his facial expressions. With each minute gesture, he exudes an air of dominance and sexiness.
In my last article I talked a bit about how taking risks increases your testosterone levels, in turn making you bolder and more assertive in your actions. It’s a circular concept, as is this one. Your mental presence will have a direct effect on your body language, just as having strong posture and operating slowly with controlled movement will fill you with a feeling of power and confidence.
Try this out:
Assume a stance that will inject you with confidence. Uncross your arms, open your legs, lift up your chin and your chest, and put your shoulders back. Breathe deeply and calmly. How do you feel? Do you feel like you are ready to take on the world? Although, it’s not the world you’re after. It’s just a girl, so you should be fine.
Your mental presence is the X factor that makes you a luminary. It’s not the expensive jewelry you’re wearing, or the car you’re driving or who your friends are. It’s this aura of personality that draws people in and holds their rapt attention. George Clooney taps into this magic stuff at will - but so does that friend you know that brightens up the dullest party, or the guy at work that you know with the infectious smile who’s rising to the top of your company ever so quickly.
My point here is, this is completely attainable for you. How do you “get” charisma and mental presence? As Ricardus mentioned in his 2012 article, “The 3 Things to Know If You Want to Be Charismatic”, you will need to:
Show conviction (be convinced of what you are doing, and rid yourself of self-doubt),
Be friendly (treat any and all people as if they are your friend), and;
Don’t worry about what people think (about you or your ideas or beliefs).
That is only a portion of the formula. Really, the most important fundamental aspect of having charisma and presence is your body language (and to a certain degree, your physical appearance). However, again, what we’re focusing on in this article is how to add to that, and really create a powerful, attention-grabbing presence. Additionally, I would add a couple more things to Ricardus’ list:
Be positive, engaging and versatile (you should be able to speak to a variety of people about a variety of topics)
Focused intensity and distracted behavior (have strong opinions, know what you want, but don’t give too much attention to people)
While at first you’ll be doing all of this with a conscious mind, all it takes is a good bit of repetition and practice for your mind and body to catch hold of it. Soon, these things will just come as second nature to you. If you can give off sharp, piercing eye contact and display strong body language, and marry those skills with everything I outlined for you above, you’ll be well on your way to becoming a tractor beam of sexiness, forcing itself into women’s souls the very instant you meet them.
Mental Skill Level
I have already delved into mental skill and social calibration in the previous section a little bit, and, well, that’s because the three things I’m discussing actually overlap quite a lot. Being socially graceful and well-calibrated actually has a profound affect on your mental presence, while being able to show social calibration and have presence requires mental skill.
As for your mental skill, intelligence is a very attractive quality to women. That doesn’t mean that the database administrator that works in the basement of your office building with the denim shirts and plaid pants is rolling in women. But, it is something that any girl will appreciate in a man, and hey - what pretty girl wants to be stuck with a big, dumb ape for the rest of her days?
Work on increasing your vocabulary and using different words. You can only say something is “cool” or “awesome” so many times before she expects you to whip out a skateboard and a boom box and ride off into the horizon.
Think about the following statement you’d make to a pretty girl:
- “You’re really cute.”
Simple, and to the point. But it’s kind of lame after she hears it for the 17th time that night. Now, let’s think about this one instead:
- “You have extremely alluring qualities about you.”
How many times does she hear a man say that to her? A great compliment like that shows her a level of intellect that surpasses all the rest of the bland, boring men that have been approaching her, and makes you stand out. How do you ramp up your vocabulary? Well, that’s really pretty easy. I use a thesaurus at work at times when I write emails. I can’t admit to being a perfectionist, but my communication skills are something that I take pride in and have always worked to improve for purposes of both my social life and my professional career.
Another wonderful skill to have in your possession is the ability to be witty and mentally agile. Your mental agility plays a large part in how socially calibrated you are, as we’ll get into later. Being able to think quickly and make a decision and act, as opposed to just reacting, makes you much more flexible and able to handle situations that normally would be quite difficult.
To be a quick thinker, you will need to work on this constantly. Out of the three things (mental state/presence, mental skill and social calibration), this is the hardest one to master. One of the most important things you can do to learn how to deal with immediately-presented situations that call for your action, has to do with your ability to be calm in these situations.
You have to realize that not every stressful situation is the same, and there’s no template of reaction that you can just use as a default response when you need to. You are going to have to improvise at some point or another. So train yourself to quiet down mentally when one of life’s curveballs comes hurling at you.
Like any learned behavior, it requires a lot of repetition. So, you’re not going to morph into James Bond overnight. The guys you see batting .300-plus in the major leagues have spent thousands of hours in the batting cage.
You have to learn to focus on what it is you’re being presented with. The widespread, seemingly cultural inability to actually focus on what you need to and train the mind has resulted in a lot of new diagnoses (ADD, ADHD, AD holy-sh*t-look-at-this-funny-squirrel-video D) and a lot of pharmaceuticals, but the fact is that you can most definitely make yourself aware of what is going on right now and take appropriate action to handle the situation.
So now that we know how crucial it is to be mentally prepared, seem intelligent and work quickly with your mind to become an enchanting figure that women marvel over, let’s look at the final piece to the puzzle:
Ever heard a girl talking about how she met some guy, and he was totally creepy, and wondered how you keep from being labeled like that? Well, the answer is pretty simple, and thankfully, fairly easy to explain.
The underlying issue here is that many of the guys I see who are having trouble with women are coming at things with the wrong mental model. They’re approaching women with so much care and caution as if the women were a ticking time bomb; one itty-bitty mistake and KABOOM!! Everything is completely ruined…
It isn’t the mistake you make, it’s how you follow it up that really matters. Know where people’s lines are drawn, navigate right up to the edge if you want to, but don’t go over them.
The best way to define social calibration is “the ability to read and react accordingly in social environments”. You have to be able to read social cues and act accordingly to them. Again, we’re overlapping key points here, because it does require a fair bit of mental agility to become socially calibrated.
A really great reason to train yourself to be socially calibrated is that you’ll be more at ease with dealing with people in general because you know what to expect from them and how to act around them.
Learn what people’s boundaries are, and how close you can get to them without crossing them. How do you recover when you do push things too far? Do you smooth things over and explain your side of things and why it’s unreasonable that they’re upset about it? Are you able to stay calm, and clarify your intent, or do you get all excited and defensive and just make the situation worse?
Not only is social calibration about how other people tick, and how to act around them, but also about knowing what works for you. Do your actions mesh well with your personality? Being congruent is critical to being socially calibrated. Don’t just do something because you saw Daniel Craig or Sean Connery do it in a 007 flick. If it’s not your style or congruent to your personality, you’ll just end up with a handprint on your cheek or wearing her drink, or both.
Understanding your environment is key also. Context ultimately colors how we interpret social cues. Telling a dirty joke in a bar is socially acceptable. However, telling the same joke to the same people (more or less) at church is not going to net a very good reception.
Another good example of understanding your environment is that approaching a woman on the street during the day will be interpreted differently than approaching the same woman on the same street at 2 in the morning. You have to be able to take things like this into account, to help formulate how you are going to interact with her. Weigh all the factors to the equation as best you can, and use your mentally agile mind to figure out how you need to come off physically and verbally.
Your environment and the mindset of the people in that environment dictate how you operate within it. You can still meet plenty of girls at the mall or at the coffee shop, just like you can at your favorite club, but you’ll need to tailor your vibe to match theirs. And, their vibe will depend largely on what surrounds them.
At this point, you probably have a pretty good handle on just exactly how much being observant, thinking quickly, responding appropriately and knowing “where you’re at” will help you in social circles and places. But, here’s a good rundown for you if any of it didn’t stick the first time:
You have to be able to read social cues and respond appropriately.
You must learn how to know what to expect from the other people you’re interacting with.
You need to be able to tailor your words, demeanor and actions to various people or environments.
And, basically, treat others how they’re treating you.
Social calibration is an absolute cornerstone to your success with women and dating. People like to say it’s just a numbers game; if you talk to hundreds of women, you’ll get a few of them. But, the more socially calibrated you are, the more dynamic you’ll seem to people.
What happens then is you end up getting more women in bed with you, or needing fewer approaches to find that special girl you’ve been looking for. Once you become socially aware and calibrated, you’ll suddenly stop hitting all those girl’s creeper buttons, and you’ll end up hitting a lot of their G spots instead.
Wrapping Up Your Intangibles
So now that we’ve covered three huge areas you can improve to ratchet up your fundamentals in a big way, let’s re-trace our steps and see the big picture. The most important things I want you to take away from this are:
Fundamentals and vibe are not the same. Your vibe is the effect your fundamentals have on people.
Your mental state and the amount of mental presence you have is huge in creating a charismatic aura.
Work on your mental presence until it becomes unconscious and effortless.
Increase your vocabulary to make yourself stand out a bit. You’ll impress a ton of women this way.
Hone your mental agility and quick-decision making.
Be socially aware and calibrated.
That’s a lot of work for you to do, but trust me - it’s well worth it. There’s miles and miles of difference between a good looking man with a nice haircut who’s passive, shy and awkward and a good-looking man with a devil-may-care attitude who is quick on his feet and knows how to charm everyone who surrounds him.
Once you garner all these skills and traits and put them on display, women will start to see you as a walking sex-symbol, as opposed to just some invisible man who walks past on the street.
So, go ahead… go be that walking sex symbol that makes women stop
dead in their tracks. I don’t think any woman’s going to complain if
Until next time,
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