How to Be Street Smart & Handle Life-Threatening Situations | Girls Chase

How to Be Street Smart & Handle Life-Threatening Situations

street smartsStreet smarts are something that are invaluable to know, but that you won't know if you haven't grown up in areas that expose you to dangerous or dicey situations. You won't learn street smarts in the halls of a private high school or the sidewalks of an affluent middle class suburb. Instead, you learn them in the run-down, poor, impoverished areas where people keep an eye out for anyone who doesn't belong, just like you do in your neighborhood - only, instead of steering clear of people who don't fit the norm, like you may well, they come over to take a sniff or maybe a little bite.

Each of us has a different level of "protect" and "get" interests in other people. For example, if you see a big, scary-looking man, you probably feel nothing but "protect" instincts - there's nothing you can get from him, but he is a real threat to you... so you protect yourself, and stay away. If you're a single guy walking down the street and you see a beautiful woman, your "get" instincts kick in hard - you probably go want to meet her. Likely, you have some "protect" filter still up - if she looks completely cold or uninterested, you won't approach, because you probably won't get much from her, and you might not be able to protect yourself from rejection and losing face socially.

In less safe places, the people you meet have lower "protect" mechanisms toward you (you're less of a threat than the people they usually encounter) and higher "get" mechanisms (you're an easier mark than the people they usually see)... which means you're a lot more likely to get approached by someone you don't want to meet, for something you don't want to have happen.

Street smarts are really about raising people's "protect" shields and lowering their "get" meters around you, the same as that cold, aloof beauty walking down the street does with men who might otherwise be inclined to approach her - if only she seemed a bit more inviting.

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his Mastery Package.

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Comments

Anonymous's picture

Hello,
in one article you mentioned you are (were) of the most dispassionate person. Did this help you be more passionate? I mean like you once said you stood in the crossway in the street and let cars swing around you. I am this analytic, calculating person, I think I am grounded person. That I do not just flip out, go crazy emotionally. But that might be because I am introverted. But second conclusion might be also that I am not passionate. I am think I have passion in sports, when I play with friends I am usually into that and when I do some great move I get emotional boost - confidence, inner pride, self-respect and such things. Until then I am just inhibited and feel like one of the many in the field.
When do I have to start being passionate with girls? In bed? On dates? The first time I meet them?

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Anon-

Passion you want to begin conveying with women immediately - there are several ways to do that effectively, though for me effectively it's mostly through eye contact and facial expressions.

As for learning it, standing in the middle of traffic does not help you to become more passionate (might help you to become more dead... I was merely fortunate when I pulled that and other stunts off - only takes one nudge from one car to turn you into a pinball bouncing back and forth between cars and ultimately getting run over); for me, it was mostly about simulating the right emotions at the right times - eventually I trained myself to FEEL those emotions at the appropriate times; so, mostly just training, same as anything else.

I do have this down for an upcoming article... so when I get around to that, you can expect more on it!

Chase

lucifer's picture

.. That and walking in the rough part of town on purpose, as it seemed, definitely aroused my curiosity :).

I was doing a bit the same, putting a bag on my shoulder and setting off without phone, time tables and similar and most thought I was crazy/interesting and liked it, but actually I pushed myself to go through it.

What was that for in your case, where you trying to learn/test something in particular?

Zac's picture

Chase,

I hope this spread across somewhat. I believe this will help, and i definitely use some of this stuff here.What you write here can keep wallet in pockets and put yourself in lesser trouble.

I am surprised, because i am not as well travelled as you, but which country and city really that dangerous? or perhaps places like alleyways which is what you mean. You noted long time ago was Mongolia, the club incident where punching occured.

Zac

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Zac-

Some parts of poor, urban American cities (Baltimore, Camden, Compton, etc.) I've visited are relatively dangerous. I walked alone through the slums of Baltimore when it was the U.S.'s murder capital when I was in high school (my parents were furious when I told them, and still bring it up when they feel like questioning my judgment - though I can't say I blame them). Some parts of Washington, D.C., my old home and the States's current murder capital, are pretty bad; I walked through an especially bad part one night with a black friend built like a football linebacker, and he was jumping out of his skin the entire time (I had to tell him to calm down, unless he wanted to attract the very people he was afraid of right to us).

Outside of the U.S., I've done Makati, Manila, where virtually everywhere is guarded by men with assault rifles (a friend warned me not to go outside at night without a Filipino with me, and I obeyed; he said go out with a Filipino, and no one will touch you, but go out alone, and you stand a good chance of being ganged up on); Ulaanbaatar, Mongolia, where musclebound men with nothing to lose get into street fights even in broad daylight, sometimes ending up in 3- or 4-on-1 brawls that not everybody survives; Lima, Peru, where there are metal bars on everything, more guards with guns, and robbery is extremely common; and other places. I'd planned to do Bogotá, Colombia a while back, on a semi-permanent basis, but a few friends warned me you'd still get ganged up on by guys with knives and one friend said half the foreigners he met in Columbia had been robbed. Certain parts of Eastern Europe I hear are bad, and much of Africa is supposedly especially bad - some parts of Africa you're ill-advised to bring women back to your residence, because they will have weapons on them or will call in their friends to come relieve you of your belongings.

Basically, there are plenty of places that you don't need to be so on-guard... but there are plenty where it's good to be on your toes, too.

Chase

Jonas's picture

Hello,
I sorry for not commenting on the topic.
This morning, I stumbled to a profile of some guy on Facebook because his profile picture looked like those wedding pictures, where he and the bride share a light kiss in arms of others. So I wanted to see it better. The girl he is with is a girl I am madly in love with. I met her in class 2 years ago and she kinda seemed perfect. She is really not ordinary. I realized I really am no match for her but that photo gave me the most painful back-freeze. The reason is I sometimes talk to her in my head, when I read your articles, I am visualisating it with her in conversation. I thought kinda never thought about consequences of this.

The guy is cool, he seems very sociable and likable. The problem is this feeling of how women have it easier in life. And I cant shake it off. I used to think and tried to convice myself that they do not. How they always wonder, how men lie to them, how job interviews are harder and getting a job is harder, how they are bombarded by standards of beauty.
But now I realized they do not have to care about this shitty anxiety. They have their girlfriends with whom they can talk and talk, they laugh and have fun. While we guys usually see each other maybe once a week or sometimes even a month because we have a lot of shit to do.
I mean they have this foundation that some of us just do not, they are objects of desire because of their beauty and are socially calibrated because they had some advantage early in life and now they just profit. My semester started 3 months ago, I have no time to see my friends, I might exchange couple of messages on Facebook but that does not cover my social needs. I mean I am alone and these girls never know what it is like. Even thought I feel great when I see her, the moment we part our ways I feel horrible. Because the moment is gone, I dont know when I will see someone I like again and such things. When I try to come up with some night outting people usually tell me they are busy, cant make it and such.

But the real problem I writing all this is I am really becoming sick of this and am about to start hating all these girls. Why the fuck should I show my best self to them just so they can put me in their boxes in their lifes and get to the wheel of the current or even the future possible relationship I have or will have with them? I am starting to think that their whole behaviour is just a pretending, a mask. They all say things and do complete opposite. They make you feel like you are someone unique to them and then they ditch you, give you some shit excuse. I am becoming really bitter over this and I do not really know what to do. I just dont want to feel this frustration and be resentful but when will it be next time some girl does this to me? How am I supposed to defend myself against this when I do not have that much experiences with women. With those who are always bombarded with tons of attention, invitations, opportunities. Those who have their basic social needs met. As a guy my duty is to create these opportunities for myself and it seems that I should also create opportunities for others. But noone creates them for me and I am like, why should I offer something, even me and my time and kindness and good will to someone who then DECIDES if he wants to take it or not.
When I approach, they play games, flake, they basically take the wheel and control the whole shitty mating process because they have the vagina and their basic social needs are met so they just sit back with hands under head and pick. We do the same and disqualify them even before we approach, yes. But they just take our mental investment, our emotions tied to the whole proces of courting and manipulate it for their own personal needs. And that is what bothers me. I understand they want best guy. I sadly even understand that they like attention, they want back ups but I feel like I am gonna explode, start hatting them all for this, even thought I can see their point of view and just forget all that and start being selfish. Become a jerk. Real asshole just to women.

I am realizing this comes from a point of giant frustration.
I realize that many things I typed here happened because of my own mistakes and are my fault. There are so many variables that play role in what I just desribed. But bear with me, please.

Where am I supposed to get the innter, mental strenght in order to become more social, better in these things and get to the level of these girls, if I have no place where I can replenish my strenght? My social energy? When I talk to friends (guys - females really do not like me) about this shit, they just say "dude, just some bitch, let it go. *to others* So the game last night... bla bla" So I end up doing things alone like working out, running, riding bike. When a girl has guy problem, she just talks about that shit with her friends, they make her feel better. They go to club and have fun and she WILL forget pretty soon.

But we, the underdogs, we have no foundation, we have to build it first and I am not really sure how to do that. And if we do not have that much of mental energy we are quite doomed because we need more time to refill. I have been on 76 dates in my life (I am 23), it never went to anything. Some liked me, some did not. Some played games, some just ditched me.

I just do not know how to fix my social needs. I feel I need more friends first, but... you kinda better not be a loser if you want to hang out with someone. And your advise on this was "frontload your value". But what value? Personal value? Material value? All these people I get in contact with have this foundation of friends already. It feels like giant catch-22 to me. And makes me question everything I do, everything I have done because there are no real results to it. And it is even harder to think about that if I am frustrated like this. I mean, people who have friends are cool and not worried that much because they have friends and have someone they can hang out, talk to, share ideas. And then, there is me, the lone wolf, who only makes good first impression because I learnt how to mask the shitty side of me. I laught with people in class, we joke around, tease each other and then the class ends. I am not able to see what people need, what they want. Suggesting someting to them seems out of place for me.

I am at the bottom now. Like in a well without water, looking at the top where everyone else is, happy, jiggley with others. And I want to just stay there, in the mud, sitting alone. While the second part is telling me this shit is horrible and I should climb up. Or like doing some crazy shit but that will help me only shor term, not long therm, because it does not solve the problem.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Jonas-

I understand. I went through exactly the same thing, and had the same emotions, looking up at what *seemed* like everybody else living amazing, wonderful lives, and there I was, the ONLY guy left on the outside.

There's you - the guy with nothing, who doesn't get it, who's left out. And there's everybody else, laughing and smiling and having it great.

You don't realize until you make it to the other side, but most of the people who look like they're having it great are dealing with mountains of their own problems; they're just doing okay enough that they're able to pretend like everything's happy and swell, which they kind of have to do, because if you let on that you're scared for the future or don't know what you want or feeling sad or rejected or depressed, people start running away from you like you've got the plague.

If I had to rank the levels of happiness of people in ascending order, I'd rank it something like this:

  • Guys without social success at the bottom (you're lonely and life sucks)
  • Regular, average girls
  • Regular, average guys
  • Top caliber girls
  • Top caliber guys

Regular girls want regular guys, but can't hold onto them... though at least they get plenty of attention from guys with no social success, and the regular guys sleep with them and date them sometimes.

Regular guys want top caliber (really hot) girls, but can't get them... but at least they have some success with regular girls.

Top caliber girls want top caliber guys, but can't get them... though they get plenty of attention from regular guys, and the top caliber guys sleep with them and date them sometimes.

Top caliber guys basically just do whatever they want.

The challenge is making the transition from "no social success" to "top caliber guy" - which you can do, and which just turns your happiness levels on your head - you go from "nothing" to "everything", just about. Only thing is, it isn't overnight, and takes a LOT of work.

I'd probably recommend starting out with these articles - it sounds like your biggest challenge right now is not the battle without, but the battle within:

If you can bite off what's in those two and tackle them head on, you'll start seeing movement in a positive direction in every other area of your life purely as a side effect of this.

Chase

Jonas's picture

Thank you.

Whiz kid's picture

As a practioner of brazilian jiujitsu I treat the act and study of self defense very important. And while I'm sure I could take one unarmed attacker easily lots of situations require just avoiding if possible!

Bar's picture

I was one of the people that ask fot that article..
to my regret, I didn't had time to read you recent articles, it's so time consuming (but good time :D),
But, added it to my reading queue at the top..

Thank you.

titch's picture

This article came at a great time. My travels begin in exactly one month and I've been quite worried about being mugged. One night about one month ago I ended up having to walk home alone after being out at the club, and I thought I was in a safe part of town but the guy came out and took all my stuff. Was unsettling but at least I'm a lot wiser about it now!

Marty's picture

Chase, this was a most interesting article that in some surprising ways ties in with the social dynamics described on the remainder of this site (opening, auto-rejection, compliance testing etc.)—which just shows that these are generic human social patterns (or even primate ones) rather than being exclusively sexual.

Your recommendations make perfect sense (I find I do a lot of it already, but I still learned quite a bit) and make me want to head the other side of the tracks right now to try it out! Kidding, of course :)

What you related about your days in Mongolia with a man literally trying to lift your computer off your back reminded me of a similar occasion in my own life. About 10 years ago, I was INSIDE a Moscow late-night restaurant at about midnight when I caught a man with his hand inside the pocket of my sportcoat which was hanging on the back of my chair. And this was in a city where practically every office building, store and entertainment venue has ARMED security at the door.

Continuing to follow your site with relish and curiosity!

-Marty

Anonymous's picture

Hi Chase,

Recently I met a japanese woman who is approaching 30 and she is older than me by 6 years. She's a business school girl studying here at my university and I have gone out for a total of 3 dates with her, (2 dinner dates and 1 lunch date).

For all three cases, when I tried to go in for a hug initially, she would not even reciprocate and she seemed uncomfortable with even a hug. I told her one time to touch my face since it was very cold (for fun) and she used the back of her hand to briefly touch it hesitantly. Other than this, she seems like a very engaging girl and speaks quite emphatically.

She has lived with her parents all her life in Japan until recently moving to the united states about 4 months ago to study her MBA. I have HEARD that Japanese women can be very unconservative in bed but I just have no idea how to deal with her.

Both times at dinner, she seemed uncomfortable with any touch that I just gave up asking her home thinking it would be too much. Now I have a winter break and would like to see her again but don't know exactly what to do since I dont want her to potentially freak out if I take her home, try to put a move on her and she's not on the same level as me.

Also, with older Japanese women (29-30), would they have friendzoned me at this point if I didn't make a move? Thank you Chase!

Marty's picture

Hey Anon,

I do not want to interfere before Chase has a chance to respond to you, however I couldn't help noticing this issue and wanted to contribute to the discussion—I take it you're aware of Japanese cultural norms regarding touch? See article below for example.

http://www.japaneserelationship.com/physical-contact-and-japanese-women/

That said I am taking a backseat now and extremely interested to hear what Chase has to say on the issue.

-Marty

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Anon-

Hugging is a very platonic / "just friends" type of gesture - I think it's tolerated by women in America / Western Europe, because of all the equality that attempts to remove sex from the equation as much as possible, but for a woman coming from an area where women are women and men are men it can be kind of disconcerting - are you treating her like your sister? Are you trying to cop a feel (as Japanese men are wont to do)? What's the purpose of this gesture?

I understand the intention behind it - when I was just starting out, I used to hug girls too - a hug is a pretty full-on amount of touch, right? That was the reasoning, anyway. You're actually better off keep touch casual, light, and incidental, rather than going for a hug... those are best saved for female friends (sometimes), relatives, and long-term girlfriends who need some emotional reassurance because something bad happened.

I'd recommend checking out the articles on the site here about touch - there's a lot you can do with it, so long as you're doing it right; start with the first article here, and work your way down:

  1. 7 Ways to Touch a Girl + 3 Ways to Have HER Touch YOU
  2. Book Excerpts: 4 Ways for Touching Women
  3. Tactics Tuesdays: How to Touch Women (the Scientific Way)
  4. Book Excerpts: Mastering Sexual Touch

Chase

Anonymous's picture

Great article as always Chase!

Do you have any special advice for those of us who suffer from a terrible case of baby face. I look a lot younger than I am and I feel like I have a "please rob me" type face. My "intimidating" face always yields a lot of laughter from my friends.

Basically, what can a thinner, younger looking, and not very intimidating person do? I imagine we can follow some of the advice, but is there anything additional you can recommend (aside from the obvious, avoiding the situation)?

Anonymous's picture

Not trying to hijack your question, but it'd be nice if Chase could extend his answers to seduction as well. I find it rather disadvantageous to have a baby face in the context of social interaction and seduction, despite being in my late 20s I still look like a teenager and as such are often not being taken seriously (except professionally, where my competence and abilities have already been established).

That said, many women that I am interested in look much older/mature than me despite the fact that they are a lot younger than me in terms of actual age. Tried having a stubble but perhaps being Asian my beard doesn't grow very well, and it doesn't really complement my look to be honest (I'm more of the rocker type looks wise). My improved confidence and rather calm demeanour seem to help a bit but for now it seems to offset my boyish look slightly rather than helping to project a dominant vibe.

So it'd be interesting if Chase has any advice for a tall, thin, boyish looking person that people usually don't take him seriously especially at first sight?

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Anon (& Anon)-

The solution for "baby face" is mostly cosmetic - getting facial hair that makes you look tough/older (a chinstrap or fuller beard, if you can grow them); hairstyles that make you look older (grow your hair out a bit, then visit a good stylist and tell him to give you a cut that makes you look both sexy and older/distinguished); clothes (suits are a good one for adding age - stay away from t-shirts, usually, as these can drop a good decade off your apparent age); and muscles (pack 'em on and you just look more dominant - older if you look young, and more youthful if you look older; it's basically impossible to look like a kid when you have a neck as thick as a tree trunk).

You can also practice speaking with a slower, deeper voice (as deep as you can naturally go without straining your voice or sounding unnatural), and using lots of pauses that slow down your speech. Also, move more slowly - gestures, walking speed, how fast you turn your head, move your eyes, and even blink. How fast you chew. How fast you drum your fingers when you do that. Everything.

A good way of thinking about it is "ratchet up your dominance indicators" such that people start becoming age-blind to you; so that they don't see age... all they see is dominance.

Chase

Anonymous's picture

Chase really think I need a bit of help with this one and your the best person I know to ask.

How do I get over a girl I used to love a year ago? It was my first true love and the fact that I never actually told her because I felt to nervous makes it even harder.

It's so annoying the way I keep thinking back etc etc, would be nice to move on?

Thanks

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Troy's picture

Hey Chase,

Superb article. this article basically cleared up my answers on dealing with dangerous men and situations as i commented on " Navigating the Culture of Me
", Article. i saw your reply and i had a few questions to ask based on your comment to me and this article.

1) You stated that in dangerous situations i remove anything that is a "get" for someone. When it comes to me peacocking my fashion to meet girls, does that mean that everytime i will have to leave my house with raggy old clothes and a old bag with my good clothes to change off when i reace safer places. This sounds really stressful but safety comes first i guess! What are your thoughts on this situation?

2) If a group of guys have already seem me afraid of them, do all the slow walking still apply when they run see me and cat call/ insult after me?

3) If the dangerous guys were to see me and shout out to me "yo gay man or yo b***yman or yo youth who a kiss up him man", how should i answer in these situations when walking past them. when it comes to highly offensive insults like these, how do i react with body language, nonverbals and replying to the offenders?

Any advice is greatly appreiated! Thanks!

Troy!

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Troy-

Removing all things of value from your person depends how dangerous the situation is. That said, I think you said before that you fear for your life, so that's one where I'd definitely say that it's best to just have nothing on you that people want if you must keep going through that (though, again, if you legitimately fear for your life, it does NOT make sense staying in that situation - you need to do whatever you can to get somewhere safer, because no cost is greater than your life).

Slow walking isn't going to make a difference if people already know who you are and have decided you're a mark. Anything differently you do from that point forward will just seem like you're trying to pretend you're different now, and will invite testing to find out whether this is backed up by reality or not - you'll only invite tougher scrutiny by changing things up now. Not something to do unless you know you can back it up with legitimate toughness that will hold up under whatever pressure they put you under. If you aren't sure of that, don't invite the added scrutiny - just keep doing what you're doing.

Re: insults, the best thing you can do is what's prescribed for this in the article. Don't engage with them; don't fight back; don't COMPLETELY ignore them, either. Just give them very moderate acknowledgment, and act like, "Geez."

Chase

Troy's picture

Hey Chase.

Ive got a question regarding to an exgirlfriend of mine. My objective with her in my life now is to move her into a friend zone and friends with benefits where we can mostly hang out but if i want sex then i can get it. WQe broke up in december 2012 and were together for two months. since we broke up, i have been texting and calling every now and again since then. i followed the no contact rule for most of the time so maybe every 2 months i would contact her ( and it was a struggle ). she never contacts me and i feel bad about this. so i decided to cut contact with her and its been two months now. my questions are:

1) How do i get my exgirl to come meet me for lunch?
2) I didnt sleep with her during the time we were together. i regret not doing it when she wanted sex( that is why i think she left me) because i didnt have my logistics sorted out not even a condom on me. how do i get her to sleep with me and close the deal?

3) If she doesnt reply to my calls and texts, how do i finally move on from her and take her out my life completely?

4) I still havent changed myself fully into an attractive man yet. this girl got me so upset that i finally decided to do something about my attractiveness should i meet up with my exgirl if she says yes and nothing much has really changed with me since? i want to remain friends with my exgirlfriends so how do i go about continuing to have these girls in my life as friends?

5) How do i get my exgirls to contact me first?

6) Chase, you talk about having a greater purpose in life than getting girls. now i find myself thinking about girls obssesively. i think it may be because i know that i should be improving my skill set with girls since i am at the bottom of that scale now but i keep pushing it away to do other things with my life. do you think this is a normal gut level instinct that is telling me to start meeting girls right now or else my thoughts wont go towards doing other things in my life until i hit getting girls and my social life down cold? what are your thoughts on this mindset situation?

7) I know you talk about forgetting about exgirls, girls that i havent slept with but i still want to remain friends with these girls. why do you say its a time waste to deal with and come back in contact with an exgirlfriend? correct me if im wrong here please, im not sure if thats exactly how you put it!

Thanks Chase!

-Troy

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Troy-

This is one I don't feel properly equipped to help out with, unfortunately. Partly it's because I realize it's a high school situation, where the rules are probably different than in "real life"; the other is that she's an ex you weren't sexual with... for me, in my lifetime, if I failed to sleep with a girl, she was off my radar, more or less, and it was onto the new one.

So I'm not sure how you'd get back a girl who left you for not sleeping with her, then convert her into a friend and maybe sleep with her later on - that one's way outside my realm of experiences! You might try posing the question to the boards (think I saw a similar question to this from you on there, in fact) - there might be someone with a similar experience who can more competently weigh in.

Chase

cking's picture

scan less but scan better.
an exercise my instructor got me to do was to focus on a stop for 5 seconds and then close my eyes. he would ask questions about the lay out of the room, the exits, groups of people, improvised weapons etc.

once keyed in your subconscious knows the answers.

try asking it who is dtf, assuming you have trained it to realise what dft looks like

jared's picture

One of the best articles IVe ever read. Thorough and extremely useful. It really takes things to a whole another level. I am wondering though how long does it take a weak, submissive Guy to become strong, dominant man? Is a gradual change more effective or one where you force the other extreme and "fake it til you make it?" Is the key to success just sheer will power...

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Jared-

It's different for everybody. Depends on where you're starting out from, where you're trying to get to, how much you're working on your skill set, how far outside your comfort zone you're pushing and how often, and a lot more. Some guys who seem weak are actually quite strong on the inside and just need to drop the "shell" of over politeness / retreating tendencies they've picked up somewhere along the way; other guys who appear outwardly strong have soft, weak interiors that take a lot longer to solidify (especially if those interiors rarely get tested because the guy does a good job keeping them protected).

A good rule of thumb if you're trying to toughen up your inner mettle is to gradually put yourself in increasingly more challenging, high stress situations - not necessarily physically dangerous ones, but mentally challenging ones, doing things you are frightened to do (speaking or acting on stage in front of a large audience; cold calling random people you don't know; walking up to the hottest girl in the bar and opening her direct; starting your own business with no safety net; etc.). Anything that stretches you and tests you to the point where you feel like you're either going to break or burn out, so long as it doesn't completely destroy you, will see you coming out on the other end a much wiser, much stronger, and more more certain man than the one that went in.

Chase

Anonymous's picture

Chase well done on this article as usual. Iv'e been running into a few issues that are driving me a little crazy.Girls are auto rejecting me very quickly,acting cold,distant,and sometimes rude. People have told me I have model type looks.Im now also dressing a lot better with nicer looking clothes. The thing is though I am not usually attracted to the model type girls,im more into girls that are curvy with cute faces. Am I hitting these girls in the face with value or something like that? It feels like I should stop working on fundamentals,cause the more i improve myself the less results i get,or maybe that not the issue at all,im not sure. Could it be im not communicating interest soon enough?maybe i should work on slow sexy smiles instead of other things. Anyways theres to many I's in this comment,im not trying to boast at all.Im just frustrated that it feels like theres not enough time to communicate attainability to these girls,it's like there judging me before i start talking or engage them. I read your attainability article and I apply those things as often as i can.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Anon-

That's all attainability you're running into - you need a lot more of it. You don't want to tone down your fundamentals; what you want instead is the kind of warmth and accessability as a person that even a really ugly girl could meet you and feel right away like you were peering into her soul and saw the beauty in her. It's something you'll notice a lot of male movie stars have going on - they'd probably face auto-rejection in droves if they didn't.

These articles are probably the best ones on the site for helping you get this one down:

Chase

Gem's picture

Hey Chase

My post here is going to be somewhat disjointed I feel but I’ll still attempt to keep it as linear as I can and not ramble too much. The questions I ask in this post are more urgent, are crucial to my progression as a man, and coming from a more solemn tone than my usual curiosity inspired questions.

I’m not very much the emotional type haha and don’t feel particularly moved to “open up” about myself, but for the sake of providing proper context and necessary background I will start from something like this.

Right now I’m 19 years old. I’m the first born child of 2 children and come from a conservative Muslim family (not too different from a conservative Christian family; it’s been fairly liberal for me growing up in the U.S. but in other ways it is still restrictive. For example here, my parents think that I have never kissed a girl and expect me to be a virgin till marriage: everything I’ve done with girls has been behind there back in that regard. Arranged marriage is very typical culturally for me but my parents are fine with me marrying outside arranged marriage so that’s chill I suppose).

I am ambitious and have a very good idea of what I want to do with my life (how to help others and how to further my own work) but am not sure of how to go about moving out.

A majority of the things I’ve done so far with my life my parents either don’t understand, or don’t relate, or couldn’t know about so I had to do it behind their back. I’m sort of fine with this I’m just not sure how to go about moving out without hurting them and still having my relationship with them be good because I love them and understand that everything they say and do is because they want the best for me (the advice given in the unconventional life article on how to handle family was pretty resourceful here but I need more of a plan I suppose of what I should do).

I wanted to quote a little from a comment of yours I had read a while back that ties in to my next bit
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As for my dating preferences, I usually date women with more masculine personalities, yeah. Outwardly, I prefer very feminine women -- sexy dresses, cute skirts, that sort of thing. Personality-wise, I'm quite drawn to women who can challenge me and make me better and who are highly-growth orientated, and the types of women who fall into that category tend to be women with high levels of testosterone and more masculine personality traits like competitiveness, insensitivity, high sex drives, and hot tempers.

Masculine girls are rather different in their relationships with me than they are with other men. With me, they're rather submissive and almost childlike; they have lots of questions and curiosity and view me as an authority figure and frequently want to know what I want to do so we can do it together. These same girls in their relationships with other men tend to walk all over them, tire of them easily, and not get emotionally attached to them. So, those pitfalls do exist, but I don't end up having to deal with them generally. I see a lot of other guys dealing with them, though.

For me, it seems tied to a combination of intellect, ambition, and dominance; I'm a somewhat smart dude who knows a little about a lot and has a lot of things he wants to accomplish with his life, knows exactly what he wants and what he stands for, and does what he wants and doesn't buckle and do things he doesn't want even when pressed, unlike most men. That's the way you need to be to do well with these women, but these women also help mold you into that kind of man as you spend more time with them. Women with masculine personality traits, in my estimation, will either bend you over backwards, or mold you into a more dominant, powerful man.
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A couple of the older women I’ve dated more seriously that were 24, 25 years old have really sort of opened my mind to my situation with moving out. With the masculine women it is exactly like you describe in the comment and I love it with the older career-oriented girls. In driving me to be a better man, one thing that I realized that both girls of mine here pointed out to me (something that I couldn’t play off and that isn’t proper here which they correctly assessed) is that I shouldn’t be paid for by my parents and how there’s something wrong in my current situation with them.

My parents pay for my school and they want me to become an engineer. Here I follow with my mouth closed. I want to be a writer and a business guy. I’m not really interested in becoming an engineer but figure that if I’m being paid for now, until I make the money I can to move out it’s easier to just stay in this situation and avoid conflict. Being a guy who does things on his own terms, both girls noted this that this is something that I shouldn’t be doing (and I realize here that it is something that makes me less of a man almost here because I’m not doing something on my own terms at least currently). I realize that I’m bad with conflict in general, that I don’t like it. By nature I like warmth and good feelings and I’m clever enough to get out of a situation that might bring about conflict but there is conflict here that needs to be addressed and I’m not sure what the proper way to go about it all should be (in that my parents aren’t hurt/my progress isn’t at the expense of our relationship).

What are your thoughts Chase on something that you can't do at a present moment but one day will do or intend to do?

When I was explaining this to my girl I had described it rather poetically my situation here as something that I can’t do at a given moment but will one day do in the future. My girl here said no like shouldn’t you do what you want and take action? I countered by explaining how where ordinarily that is something I would do, sometimes in life you don’t have the means to do what you want and you have to endure and wait till one day you have the means to do what needs to be done, struggle, and eventually makes things work out in your favor. I gave my girl the example here of how when I was a child I was always the skinniest kid in the school and that while I got on well with others I didn’t like being skinny. I knew then that I couldn’t get stronger then but was content that one day I would have the means to and that I would get stronger in a later day. My girl wasn’t completely convinced here and as eloquent and wise as my argument sounded, regarding my moving out situation, I’m not entirely sure I’m convinced here either. Action is worth more than inaction and I know that while I have been taking action around this situation indirectly perhaps something direct needs to be done.

Thank you for always taking the time to answer my comments and for any bit of resourceful advice you could give me here (and sorry if this post was rather long-winded).

-Gem

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Gem-

Both you and the girl have good points, although you're both viewing the situation through your own distorted lenses: yours of some mishmash of fear, dependency, loyalty, and love, and hers, of a more removed "one situation --> one right answer" point of view that doesn't take into account the full range of emotions of all the people involved.

Engineering is a very useful "hard" skill, and you should have little trouble moving from that into business if you so choose; many of the people I worked with as business consultants in the corporate world came from engineering backgrounds, and a number of my friends who are successful entrepreneurs now trained as engineers before. Further, while you're in college, it's very easy to pick up an extra minor or two; these usually only add a few additional classes to your curriculum, and an engineering degree with a business-focused minor puts you in a very good position to navigate your way into all kinds of fields after school. I don't necessarily see this one as a conflict, and rather more just as one you've got to be a little (but not even THAT) creative with to steer it in the direction you want it to go.

Writing you can work on in your own free time - I don't know many famous writers who specifically went to school for writing. A number of them never went to university, period. I do a fair bit of writing, and people seem to think my writing is not entirely unpleasant; I had all of two classes on writing in my four years of advanced education. The rest of my classes were on things like accounting and sociology and organizational management.

It strikes me that you might be creating conflict for yourself (and your parents, and your girlfriends) where it isn't needed - rather than fight about what your major ought to be, just add the right minors and focus on directing your engineering education (which is a good background to have - I wish I had some training as an engineer; it's GREAT to be able to build stuff… just a good skill set to have) into a career in the business world (business consultant or entrepreneur are the two that spring to mind as easy hops from "engineer" to "businessman").

As for taking money from your parents… if you have a good alternate source of income, this is fine, but I question that council from those two girls. Who paid for THEIR college educations, I wonder? Personally, my parents footed the bill for much of mine, and I don't know what I would've done education- or career-wise without their support; I was working as a tire salesman before they basically forced me into school (by getting very upset, and telling me they'd pay for all of it if I'd just GO, although I did still end up with some student loans I'm still paying off).

Your parents are investing in your future because YOU are THEIR future… they want you to succeed. I went through a time in my life when I rejected all offers by my parents and family members to pay for or buy me things, but eventually I realized I was hurting them; sometimes, people just WANT to give you things or help you succeed, because it makes THEM feel good. Keep that in mind before you turn down or deny people's requests to help you out; so long as you aren't draining your parents' bank accounts or putting them in the poor house (i.e., they can afford your education all right), and the education is helping to ready you for a productive career that will help you to flourish and prosper (and one day give back to your parents, in time, money, and everything else that matters), at least in their minds, this is probably the best investment of that money they can make, and a big part of the reason they've been working so hard their lives in the first place: to see you lead a better life, with more opportunity, and more success.

Chase

Balla's picture

Hey Chase can you give me a few more examples of good black guy game? Im very direct and I want to use this because indirect isn't working for me. Id like a little list of what I could use, please and thank you.

Balla's picture

I've read the articles about sleeping with girls at work and I must say, I have to be direct and I want to, I just don't know how to do it without it being harassment. The way im following it from the other guys article, he says don't hit on them n shit and it feels like a waiting game for them to ask me out. I can't wait. My biggest problem is asking diff girls out and not having it being something to gossip about and cock blocking me with other girls thinking im trying to be a player. Appreciate the help.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Balla-

I'd rather have Colt or another one of my black friends write the article on black guy game; I can tell you what I see my friends use, but it's always better coming from the source! Anyway, it's not really all that different from anything else on this site… it's just with somewhat more emphasis on being playful, disarming, and light than what another race guy would use - there's more tension there if you're a black guy than if you're a white, Asian, or Latin guy, and you defuse that by being a bit more playful and light (while still being sexual).

As for being direct with girls at work, that's not one I can help out with - when I've picked up girls from work, I did it mostly the same as what Drexel talked about in his article on getting laid at work: build up some flirting and tension, and ask the girl out under-the-radar (in my case, I've usually preferred to wait until I was leaving a job, if not too far off in the future, since girls can get attached with me and the last thing I ever wanted was drama at the workplace). All I can really say there is… if you're going direct at work… do so at your own risk! And, make sure that if there's bad fallout, it isn't a job you mind losing all that much - otherwise, find other places to game and women to meet who aren't coworkers of yours (there are a LOT of women out there, and most of them don't work with you!).

Chase

V's picture

Chase, I remember you saying you told your hs classmates that you were going to change and transform yourself and you did. How did you change their previous perceptions of you and how can I do the same? I moved away but I visit to the place I was born from time to time and I want them to see im different and is it easier because they haven't seen me in years?

Thank you!!!

Author
Chase Amante's picture

V-

With high school, I changed perceptions by prepping everyone for a big change, then coming back later on looking and acting differently than I had before. The priming (telling them I was releasing "Chase Amante 2000") allowed me to deal with much of the pushback before the change even happened, so that by the time it went through it was already more or less an accepted fact of life that it would occur; and the actual transition was dramatic enough (going from a nerdy part down the middle to a slicked back bad boy hairstyle; ditching my big glasses for contact lenses; trading in my trench coat for a leather jacket; getting a cool red sporty car with a turbo engine; making a more concerted effort to be social, and cutting back on much of my over-the-top joke-making; etc.) that everyone was wowed.

If you're trying to reset opinions, just remember priming (what are you doing to prime them for the change?) and presentation (how big is the difference between how you look and act now, vs. how you did the last time they saw you?). The more and better the priming, and the more and larger the differences, the bigger the effect will be.

Re: expecting people to approach… well, I don't! I don't expect anyone to do anything. The resources are here, if you want them. But if you don't do them, I'm not going to come to your house and put you in an arm bar until you do. It's totally up to you. At least in my case, I had to hit rock bottom, multiple times, before I finally sucked it up and started cold approaching women. I just said "Screw it, this is the ONLY way I get better", and did it. I'd been telling myself I needed to for years before I finally began doing it regularly. You might be in a better place than I am, and have an easier time of it; or, you might just have to hit the bottom and get dragged along the bottom enough times that you reach the point where you decide the only way you get any better is by doing this, and damn your fear and the failure you face along the way because you've exhausted every other option.

And as for not masturbating… it's more motivation than confidence. Think of each release as a little packet of motivation, spilled out onto the ground or a tissue. If you want to stay motivated, keep those motivation packets inside of you, driving you forward, instead of flushing them down the toilet or the shower drain.

Chase

Anonymous's picture

Chase, I'd like to increase my social skills, value, and connections. I dress like the average guy with a steady job and family, mostly khakis, button downs, sweaters and a nice watch. Now of course in every city you could classify people into either being rich, average or poor, and I would probably fall in between the former two. Naturally, people of similar archtypes tend to stick together, I make small talk with people regardless of class, but is it one of those cases where it doesn't socially make sense (for lack of a better word) to get to know and become friends with people of opposite class? It's not that I don't want to talk to them, it would seem awkward (i'm sure for both sides) for a man in khakis and a stable lifestyle to be "chillin' out" and "hanging " with the hoodlums in the alleys of the city streets. I have no idea what we would talk about or how to maintain that kind of relationship. Your feedback would be appreciated.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Anon-

Yeah, this can be difficult to do once you have an established identity in a certain class and circle. The easiest way if you have an established identity is taking on a close friend or girlfriend who already mingles in those different circles; e.g., you take on a Latina girlfriend who has mostly middle class friends, but also some friends from the other side of the tracks, and she brings you along to house parties in the Hispanic part of the hood every now and again. Or, you take on a buddy who works a few cubicles down from you, but his mama still lives in the ghetto and he goes there to visit her and hang out with his old high school friends, and he takes you with you because the two of you are friends and he thinks it'd be a lark to take you out there and you're down for it too. You can get to talk to people far outside your normal circles on excursions like these, and because you're there with an accepted member of their circles, you won't get the skeptical treatment you might if you wandered into such a gathering uninvited.

Once I had a more established identity, this was the main way that I continued interacting with people from far outside my usual circles - just go along when friends of yours visit their other friends who are much higher or lower than you on the socioeconomic ladder, and do your best to listen and probe (rather than talk about yourself and say things no one there can relate to). The more you learn about them, the easier of a time you'll have relating to them - and relating to other people you meet who are like them, too.

Chase

Mcjagger's picture

Greetings Chase,
Whenever I meet new groups of people in different venues such as clubs, bars, and restaurants. I am not sure if this is how everyone is at these places but people like to talk a lot of shit about others, like really mean things; sometimes people I know they talk about, others I don't know. Either way I will be vibing good with these people then they say shit and it brings me down, and others will feel it from me and then a gap is created between us. Sometimes when this happens I just excuse myself to the restroom then do not comeback. In high school I would lose friends because of this, one time I was with a group of people in school and they would make fun of this person with autism. It would piss me off but one time they were throwing like chunks of food at this kid and the kid was screaming not sure where they were coming from and I yelled at them and told them to knock it off. They would just look at me like I am crazy and tell me to calm down. One time this one junior would haze this freshmen and pick on him and I was there and told him to stop, he just laughed so I pushed him, he did it back then we got in a fist fight, he came out on the bad end of it and then I got his girlfriend yelling at me saying I am crazy and should be in jail and his friends and parents giving me bad looks. Also, I lost a friend that I knew for a month cause we were walking on a street then he picks up little rocks and chucks them at a homeless cat, and I tell him to stop, and he tells me to grow a dick. I decided to not hang out with that guy.

I assure you I am not crazy and do not view myself as a victim(good article on that by the way); I make choices and there are consequences to every action, good or bad.

I remember you saying something when in groups of people to join in on the on making of fun of others, and the hazing cause it establishes a us vs them dynamic and makes you cool with them giving you a great chance to snag the girl. No offense Chase, but that is just not me, I don't care if it makes me seem like a loser, I feel bad for the person on the receiving end of it.
So I have been thinking and actually I remember this one guy who would stick up for the guy or group but would just be like "Naw I met that guy, hes cool, you guys got a bad impression" or something like that,then he would direct the conversation to something else and it would be like nothing happened, they all would be vibing and laughing.

So Chase I think thats what I will try to do, but do you have any others tips for a style like that? What and what not to do, will this style limit my chance to get good with girls in the group or when you are with her by yourself?

Troy's picture

Hey McJagger, although this is sddressed to Chase, i wanted to jump into this conversation. i think that what you are doing is standing up for other people which is very good of you. however, Chase recently wrote an article about nice people needing hard rules and in it he stated that people think diffrently than how you think. from what i see here. you have high empathy levels for others and dont want to see other people get hurt (which is great). what i might recommending you do in the future are 3 things:
1) try making friends with people who dont purposefully put down people. if this continues to occur with future friends, then maybe you are spending time with the wrong kinds of people. find better friends!
2) talk to the victim about what they may be doing wrong if you identify things they can change to avoid drawing too much attention to themselves.
3) sometimes just sit back and remain non judjemental, dont get up from where you are and leave their company because they may get a impression of othering you out of your group and becoming enemies.

Note to Chase: this may be a good comment to write an article about Avoiding Making Enemies. i think this is a crucial part to learn to go about your life and not having people tear you down. Thanks

However, these are just my ides so im waiting to hear what Chase has to say about this! All the best and seasons greetings!

Troy

Author
Chase Amante's picture

McJagger-

Yeah, that's not a fun situation. I don't remember the context of me saying to join in on making fun of other people, but that's probably pretty important; I usually don't advise that. Maybe that was some specific case of something...? e.g., making fun of a celebrity might be okay ;)

The key to getting people off of teasing other people is to not freak out about it (like your "Naw, that guy's cool" friend). What you basically want is the "tired, cool parent / teacher" vibe, where you kind of roll your eyes and slightly smile, as if you DO think it's kind of funny, but then you say, "All right, all right, let's knock it off now before we break the poor cat's ribcage or something..." or "Okay, that's enough, that poor kid's screaming now, just chill out... I know he's autistic, but he's not a bean bag. Or do you want the administration folks to come along and suspend everyone at this damn table..."

The formula is basically nonverbals of "I think this is KIND of funny, but mostly just childish", then "all right, all right" or "okay, okay" or "naw, naw" --> usually you repeat the word twice, in a casual, slow way (for some reason this establishes dominance, though I couldn't tell you exactly why it does so), then you calmly tell them to knock it off, and either communicate that they've "won" ("the cat is scared now" "the poor kid's crying"), which is usually what they wanted, and then follow it up with a fear message ("... you're going to kill that damn thing" "... you're going to get us all arrested"). That's enough to get most people to cool it off 90% of the time.

The other 10% of the time, you pretty much just have to get more serious: "Dude, seriously - if you don't knock it off, I'm going to mess you up." Again, you say this in a half-amused, half-parental tone, but seriously enough that he knows you mean it. "Dude, if you throw one more rock at that cat, I'm going to throw a rock at YOU. I'm serious. Want to find out if I'm going to do it? Throw a rock. Come on. I dare you. I'm looking at that rock over there... it's got your name all over it." Always half-kidding, half-annoyed. "One more piece of food thrown at that kid and I'm going to shove that pickle down your throat. You can pretend you're deep throating it or something; I don't care. But that pickle's new home will be your throat." The tone you use is amused enough that it doesn't raise the guy's "confrontation" hackles, but it's still serious enough that it turns his focus away from whatever poor creature he's abusing and onto assessing the threat from you instead. If you're his friend and you're not fully up in arms, he'll usually decide it's better not to keep doing something that's obviously pushing your buttons... because what he's doing is trying to abuse some weaker being for power (the kid; the cat), and getting into a confrontation with a stronger being (you) is not going to work out quite as well.

Chase

V's picture

Chase, how do you expect guys that never had success with women in their lives to approach random women they don't know? It might sound like im saying it in a bad way but im not, im just genuinely asking because, you have a guy with no success under his belt and he has to approach women? I feel like it's extremely difficult. You know what im trying to say? How's a guy suppose to approach women he doesn't know and have the balls to do it when he never had success before? Where does a guy like that start so he can get his confidence up?

P.s. When I was in my late teens for some reason approaching didn't feel so bad, but as I got older and even after I started reading this website, it feels harder to ask girls out than before, im only a few years older than 18, why is it like that now?

And i love how you're making article after article like old times, I love your articles. Thank you!

Wolf's picture

I Wanted to know how can I have dates at my house? I really don't feel like going out then coming back, id rather us just chill at my spot.

Questions are:
1.when girls ask what are we going to do?, (im talking about before telling them I want them to come over) what should I say? I was thinking of saying "you'll see", or should I just say watch a movie at my house?

2. How do you move when your having a date at your house? Do you still have to kiss her under 10 mins? Or can I deep dive and take a little longer since this is our first date?

3. How do I get these girls to come over?

I also wanted to know how can I be sexier at work? What more can I do to show off the sexiness?

And when the heck is that sexy 2.0 article coming out?

Thanks Chase

Wolf's picture

Im just tryna get my numbers up, so im trying to sleep with females I think that are attractive, this includes girls I work with. Every single attractive girl I work or worked with has a fucking boyfriend and has had a fucking boyfriend. It's crazy to me, not one single attractive girl I work with is single. They're not lying either, I see them with their boyfriends .

It's really frustrating.

1. What should I do when a girl tells me this?
2. How should I keep my interactions with her from now on?
3. Am I not sexy enough? Because if I was these girls wouldn't tell me if they had a boyfriend right?

Thanks

Wolf's picture

Sorry for another comment but I wanted to tell you exactly what happened so I can know if to persist with this girl or not. When I was asking her to hang out she told me she had a boyfriend, and I kept persisting, she never said no, all she did was tell me how he was as a person, he's a good guy, and that they live together, buy never a no. She told me people gossip and i told her no one had to know. I still never heard a no, all i heard was different things, So I had to do my thing n I left.

I just want to know if I should just leave her alone or should I keep pushing and how to do it smoothly and get her to my home?

Thanks a ton

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Wolf-

The "let's hang out" date can be good. You can tell them you're going to make food and go on a picnic, then just have them come over and put together a picnic basket with you in your kitchen, then go to a park nearby (or your own backyard). After the picnic, go back to your place to go watch a movie (in your bedroom, naturally… with the two of you in bed under the covers "It's more comfortable this way").

If it's your first date, unless it's on, you don't have to kiss her in under 10 minutes. But you shouldn't bring her to your bedroom until you're ready for that; you'll use the transition to the bedroom and bed to prime the escalation.

Sexiness at work is the same as sexiness everywhere - everything on this site about sexiness applies as much at work as it does anywhere else.

On girls with boyfriends, see these two articles:

... although, yes, if girls are quickly telling you they have boyfriends (e.g., it's not after they've known you a long time, but rather right away), then that probably means you're triggering the "friend" switch. Also be aware that there's a lot of risk in social circle situations (including and especially work), and women will be quicker to put you in the "friend bucket" here than anywhere else.

Re: the girl living with her boyfriend - the interesting thing to note there is her protestation; it isn't, "I love my boyfriend and I'm not interested in anyone else"; rather, it's "People gossip." That tells you her main concern is NOT cheating on the boyfriend; the main concern is simply doing it and being found out. If you can address that objection, you probably get the girl. I'd see Alek's article and Peter's article (respectively) on setting up discretion frames with girls:

... and also reread the one from Drexel on girls at work (which also deals with discretion):

Chase

Some Girl's picture

Subconsciously I already do the frowny walk when I feel unsafe, although it is a good point you raise about the speed of the walk. Your method of the 'bored' look with non verbal communication also sounds very useful - if I can pull it off! However, as a girl it is hard to appear or feel 'powerful' when I walk. I am guess most people would suggest I have a chaperon when walking at night but that is not something I want to depend on.

Have you ever observed women in dangerous areas? If so, how do they present themselves to increase the 'protect' drive in others? I carry an umbrella with me (perhaps a misguided effort to appear to have a weapon) and obviously will dress appropriately if I suspect I have to pass through somewhere. Thoughts?

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Some Girl-

That's a tough call. Because you're female, unless you're very tall or large, most men are naturally going to assume (and probably be correct in assuming) that they could overpower you if they so chose. Most of the women I see walking through dangerous areas - especially women who are dressed nice / clearly don't belong there - tend to be walking at a brisk pace, which I reason is correct for them - you're not going to intimidate a fully grown man by walking more slowly if you're a woman, so it's best just to up your walking speed and pass through as quickly as possible. There is *some* measure of "the longer it takes you to pass through a place, the more time you give people to see you / decide to act on you"; just don't run or look panicky, but step lively, and you're probably best off that way. If you have an angry / focused / determined look on your face, that and a brisk pace is usually going to be enough to make most potential accosters stop and reconsider.

The umbrella is a good idea, and I generally feel a bit more secure when carrying one through dangerous areas as well. The bigger and pointier it is, the better - especially if you're swinging it in one hand as you walk in that "stabbing forward" way (where you're somewhat stabbing it out in front of you as you swing it forward - subconsciously, it makes you look more aggressive / dangerous).

I had an ex-girlfriend from South America who used to travel through VERY dangerous parts of town, and she'd just always carry a set of brass knuckles on her. One time, when a guy tried to snatch her purse, she got to use them, too, and gave him a nasty blow to the cheek before running off (still with her purse).

Chase

V's picture

Chase what are the benefits of not masturbating? Im only talking about in general, not watching porn. Does it give you more confidence to approach and in life?

Alcaeus's picture

Brilliant article Chase,

I love how you're expanding the website into a complete self improvement site with replete articles like this and . Keep up the work, bro.

I used to be an extremely religious kid. But like you and many of our seasoned readers are aware, take everything with a grain of salt. My faith in Christianity peaked many seasons ago, and though I am not the most faithful or respectful toward the trinity, MANY people who are in the hood, ghetto, slum etc. carry a reverence for god.

When APPROACHED, and the potential attacker asks you: Where you going? Do I know you? You lost?

I always reply (In a super loud, inquisitive but deep voice).

"Yeah, do you know where the church is?"

This always throws them for a loop! And I have to fight back my laughter at the sight of their dumbfounded face. Next they will do one of two things. Tell you they don't go to church. OR Actually point you in the direction of church.

In the former case just say, "Well that's fine Sir, thank you for your help, God Bless You." Then start walking off in your intended direction. Just as Chase previously stated, they stand or walk off completely flabbergasted as to what happened.

In the latter case they will actively try to give you accurate directions to the nearest church. I personally get really into their directions with hand motions, repetition of their directions back to them and then a hug (if they aren't too hygienic a handshake will suffice). Like Chase said, when everything is good and done, ask for their name, then thank them. " Well Tyrone, thank you brother, God Bless you." Then walk in the direction you were going, if it happens to be the opposite direction that the church is in and they tell you your going in the wrong direction, just say, "I'm going to pick up some coffee first."

I am 19 and I have used this excuse 3x (2x in the last 6 months). It works like a charm and I always get a kick out of using it.

Dialogue of attacker and his friend as I'm walking away:
"Yoh, what did he have?" "The nigga was going to bible study!" "Deadass?" " Forreal-- I don't fucks with that."

Once again Chase, keep on climbing, what you are doing is good stuff.

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