A few posts back we discussed how girls show interest. That post, though, was primarily focused on how you can tell a woman’s interested in you once you’re already talking to her. Let’s rewind it backward in the interaction a bit.
I’ve been having a lot of one-shot successes lately, where I only talk to one girl and the girl and I then get together later. The primary reason for this is that my situational awareness has gotten high enough that I’ve gotten rather skilled at being able to pick up on what girl wants to get to know me, then capitalizing on it.
Cases in Point
Friday I go out with a friend of mine. We’re standing waiting for the subway, and I notice two (separate) Chinese girls to the side of us glancing in our direction. One is short and really, really cute and dressed to kill in a leopard-skin jacket over a frilly dress shirt with a tight black skirt and skin-tight leggings under her boots; the other is tall and not especially attractive. Both girls, following my glance, then proceed to walk behind us.
I make some subtle glances at the short, very cute one, and she stops on the other side of us, looking like she’s just waiting for the subway. The tall one walks on. I sidle up to the short one and say hi to her:
- Me: You have absolutely the coolest fashion sense I’ve seen all day. Your clothes look really cool.
Her: Thank you.
Me: I’m Chase.
Her: Give me your number.
Mildly taken aback at her directness (but perhaps she was at mine as well), I did as she asked. She then called me. We two and my pal boarded a train and I talked to the girl for one stop; she then got off, and almost immediately texted me to meet the next day.
“Was that a fluke?” my pal asked me after she’d left the train.
“No fluke,” I replied. “I went up to talk to her in the first place because I noticed her glancing our way, then circle around us and reposition herself on the other side of us. No reason on Earth for a girl to do that unless she’s trying to get your attention; she can get on the train just as easily where she started out as where she moved to. Why’d she change positions? Because she wanted us to say hi; only reason.”
That night, my pal and I went out. At the bar, a tall, attractive Italian girl positioned herself next to my pal. “You going to talk to her? You know that’s why she’s next to you,” I told him. He said he still needed to get warmed up first. I reached past him and started talking to her, and she was delighted. We had a few minutes of very close, warm conversation, before she returned to her group, inviting me to come join her as she left. I was very tired and not up for group dynamics, so didn’t talk to her again until the end of the night.
Meanwhile, after my pal and I had bounced around for a while, he noticed a cute British girl who had suddenly appeared next to him while we stood close to a table. I noticed her staring hard at both of us. “She wants to meet you,” I told my friend. He said he needed a drink first. “Get your drink later; talk to her now while she’s warm for you.” He said he just wanted to have fun; I considered, and didn’t want to be one of those guys who pushes his pal into meeting women when he doesn’t want to, so I loudly declared, “All right, sorry; let’s go hit the bar and grab a drink.”
Hearing me say this, the British girl suddenly grabbed my pal’s arm, yanked him over to the table, and excitedly engaged him in conversation. He didn’t move her fast enough, and it got awkward for her eventually and she left, but had he moved her I’m confident he could have bedded her, based off how excitedly and aggressively she pursued him from the outset.
Following this girl leaving, my pal was tired, and I was tired, so we decided to make our exit. On the way out, the Italian girl I’d met at the beginning of the night grabbed me and hauled me into her, and all the friends who’d been encircling her and dancing with her all night visibly backed off and left the two of us alone (one of them, a guy she’d been dancing with all night, even made the “hands off” sign and backed away when he saw us talking). Maybe she’d told them about me, or maybe they just were respectful enough of her decisions that they trusted her with any man she was willing to yank in. I was too exhausted by then to worry about handling logistics when I had a friend staying with me in my tiny apartment, so I politely excused myself, and she got quite cold as I did so. She didn’t like that I left without her; she wanted me to take her with me.
Today (Sunday), I had my first date with the girl from the subway on Friday in the café under my building. She kindly paid for everything, and we went upstairs after two hours of eating, drinking, and talking, and became lovers. She’s actually a quite beautiful girl with a very nice body, a Master’s degree, a good job downtown, and a fascinating, dynamic personality. I’m only the second man she’s been with (apparently, my recent trend of being girls’ second lover is back on again), and her first lover in two years.
What all these three – the Chinese girl, the Italian girl, and the British girl – had in common was that all three of them signaled loudly that they wanted to meet us, and I opened them (or convinced them to open) in a way that respected the Law of Least Effort and made it clear that I was responding to their efforts to position themselves near us.
I’m also quite certain that, no matter how loud those signals were, most guys would not pick up on them.
How Women Show They Want You to Say Hi
When a girl wants to get to know you, she’ll generally do a few different things – these are what to keep the corners of your eyes out for:
- Proximity. If a girl likes you and wants you to introduce yourself, generally the very first thing she’s going to do is give you proximity. If you are somewhere, and then all of a sudden there’s a girl there next to you who wasn’t there before, it’s reasonable to assume she chose that spot because she wants to get to know you.
Note that proximity is relative: if you’re in an empty area (like the subway station I was in on Friday), a girl is going to leave a larger space between the two of you than she will at, say, a bar in a crowded nightclub. Don’t be fazed if she leaves a big gap; if there are less people, it’d seem too obvious if she picked a spot right next to you. The distance doesn’t mean she’s any less interested if there’s a lot of empty space around.
- Glances. Women make eyes at men they like, though typically they only give brief, fleeting glances, then look away. If you just happen to catch a woman’s eyes or head turning rapidly away from you, assume they were fixed on you just before you looked. She was doing that to get you to notice her.
- Body Language. If a woman has very open body language pointed at you, it’s a big sign she wants to meet you. If her body is pointed in your direction, and her arms and legs are uncrossed, that’s about as open as you could possibly get. Not all women will do this, mind you; a girl might give you proximity but only face a little toward you. That’s no reason not to meet her; she might feel the proximity was too obvious, and doesn’t need to be any more obvious by giving you her body as well.
- Random Verbalizations. Here’s a funny one. Sometimes a girl is trying to get your attention, but you just aren’t giving it, so she’ll take to making random verbalizations to try to get you to take notice of her. Things like sighing or making small complaints to no one in particular (like loudly whispering to herself, “God, this line isn’t moving at all!”) are dead giveaways she’s looking for conversation. A woman doing this is abandoning more subtle means and trying to be obvious.
- Contact. Women sometimes tap or bump into men if they’re close enough and the guy doesn’t seem to be getting the hint. If you get women doing this, you’re probably being far too oblivious to the less subtle signs they’re giving you and they’re resorting to this, the bazooka of the, “Please say hi to me,” genre.
Particularly if you notice two or more of these in combination – like a woman who gives you proximity, then glances at you a few times; or a woman who gives you proximity, then points her body toward you – you should take that as a sign that a girl is definitely interested.
Opening Women Who Want to Talk to You
Opening casually is something I’m a big proponent of. When you open a girl, it ought to seem like no big deal. Even when you’re going direct – when you’re complimenting a woman on her looks or her hair or her sense of style – you should deliver your opener in such a way that it’s smooth, easy, and natural.
In the case of a woman who wants to talk to you, you’re even more entitled to be casual than usual, and I recommend you do subtle things to imply that the only reason you’re talking to the girl is because she made it obvious she wants to talk to you.
These may include having a sly, knowing smile on your face when you open (the emotion you want to convey is effectively, “All right, I’ll bite; here I am, cutie”) and opening in a very casual tone of voice.
You should never go barreling guns-blazing into opening a girl who’s angling for you. It should always be casual. Even if you’re on the dance floor and she’s dancing crazily near you, just turn to her and hold your hand out for her and pull her in and dance with her as if you’d come to the party with her.
The reason you want to be casual in opening is, in the woman’s mind, she thinks she’s being really obvious that she’s interested. If you jump in hard like you’re trying to be impressive, it seems quite at odds with what she’s expecting from you (she’s already chasing after you if she’s doing this; so why would you jump in and start chasing after her?), and she’ll more often than not get weirded out and be unable to mentally reconcile why you are acting this way, and she’ll just bail.
Just be casual with girls like this, and you’ll do fine. It’s all they’re hoping for out of you.
Training Yourself Up in Situational Awareness
Back to Friday night. How come I noticed that girl on the subway platform had been scoping us out, had circled around us, and had repositioned herself waiting for the train from one side of us to the other? How come I knew that Italian girl wanted to meet us, and that British girl was all about my friend? Some sort of preternatural sixth sense on my part?
Nope. Just pure old fashioned I-talked-to-enough-random-girls-that-I-can-tell-now stuff. I know when women want me to say hi; I can almost smell it in the air.
The real key to developing this ability in yourself is to pick an indicator and start meeting every girl who does it to you. The one I began with was proximity. When girls give me proximity, I talk to them. Occasionally they are rude; perhaps they’d simply needed to stand next to me for whatever reason and really had no interest in talking to me. Usually they are delighted to meet me, though. Often I can tell that they obviously were hoping to meet me, as they get a warm kind of satisfied girly smile on their faces when I say hi.
“The guy I wanted to talk to is talking to me!” they are almost saying with their expressions.
Eventually you start developing a strong sense for what girls want to get to know you, and you start picking up on it even in situations you might normally be oblivious. Wherever I go now, I’m very attuned for women looking at me or suddenly appearing near me. It spurs me to action even if I’m exhausted and not looking to actively approach, because I pick up that the girl is interested, so little work will be involved in the interaction.
She already likes you, so it’s easy. Any guy who passes up girls who make it obvious they want to meet him like this is passing up a free lunch. His work’s already done for him; all he’s got to do is just say hello.
Benefits of Situational Awareness
The following are the primary benefits of knowing when women want you to say hi:
- Targeted Opening. When you’re able to tell which girls are angling for you, it makes meeting new women much easier and more efficient – you can pick out which ones are interested in you, find the ones you’re most interested in yourself, and go meet them.
- Not Pissing Off Girls Who Dig You. Sounds silly, but if a girl puts herself out on a limb trying to meet you, and you do nothing, she will come to resent you and feel bitter toward you. If that’s because you missed her signals, or saw them but just didn’t man up, it’s your loss; try to talk to her again later, and she’ll just be rude. Strike while the iron is hot and avoid making a girl feel bitter toward you.
- Setting an Early Chase Frame. When you open a girl casually who signaled to you that she wanted to get to know you, you effectively communicate to her that you are yielding to her pursuit. In this way, right from the outset of a seduction, you can set a chase frame. Don’t forget to pre-open women to solidify the early chase frame.
Once you know how to tell when women want you to say hi, and once you get yourself into the habit of routinely meeting women you like the looks of who are making an effort to get you to say hi, you start seeing some pretty great results pretty fast.
This is a strong ability to work on getting down. If you like minimizing the amount of time and energy you put into looking for women, get this down and help the women who are putting their time and energy into angling for you have their efforts pay off.