When Women Want You to Say Hi

A few posts back we discussed how girls show interest. That post, though, was primarily focused on how you can tell a woman’s interested in you once you’re already talking to her. Let’s rewind it backward in the interaction a bit.

I’ve been having a lot of one-shot successes lately, where I only talk to one girl and the girl and I then get together later. The primary reason for this is that my situational awareness has gotten high enough that I’ve gotten rather skilled at being able to pick up on what girl wants to get to know me, then capitalizing on it.

Cases in Point

Friday I go out with a friend of mine. We’re standing waiting for the subway, and I notice two (separate) Chinese girls to the side of us glancing in our direction. One is short and really, really cute and dressed to kill in a leopard-skin jacket over a frilly dress shirt with a tight black skirt and skin-tight leggings under her boots; the other is tall and not especially attractive. Both girls, following my glance, then proceed to walk behind us.

I make some subtle glances at the short, very cute one, and she stops on the other side of us, looking like she’s just waiting for the subway. The tall one walks on. I sidle up to the short one and say hi to her:

  • Me: You have absolutely the coolest fashion sense I’ve seen all day. Your clothes look really cool.
    Her: Thank you.
    Me: I’m Chase.
    Her: Give me your number.

Mildly taken aback at her directness (but perhaps she was at mine as well), I did as she asked. She then called me. We two and my pal boarded a train and I talked to the girl for one stop; she then got off, and almost immediately texted me to meet the next day.

“Was that a fluke?” my pal asked me after she’d left the train.

“No fluke,” I replied. “I went up to talk to her in the first place because I noticed her glancing our way, then circle around us and reposition herself on the other side of us. No reason on Earth for a girl to do that unless she’s trying to get your attention; she can get on the train just as easily where she started out as where she moved to. Why’d she change positions? Because she wanted us to say hi; only reason.”

That night, my pal and I went out. At the bar, a tall, attractive Italian girl positioned herself next to my pal. “You going to talk to her? You know that’s why she’s next to you,” I told him. He said he still needed to get warmed up first. I reached past him and started talking to her, and she was delighted. We had a few minutes of very close, warm conversation, before she returned to her group, inviting me to come join her as she left. I was very tired and not up for group dynamics, so didn’t talk to her again until the end of the night.

Meanwhile, after my pal and I had bounced around for a while, he noticed a cute British girl who had suddenly appeared next to him while we stood close to a table. I noticed her staring hard at both of us. “She wants to meet you,” I told my friend. He said he needed a drink first. “Get your drink later; talk to her now while she’s warm for you.” He said he just wanted to have fun; I considered, and didn’t want to be one of those guys who pushes his pal into meeting women when he doesn’t want to, so I loudly declared, “All right, sorry; let’s go hit the bar and grab a drink.”

Hearing me say this, the British girl suddenly grabbed my pal’s arm, yanked him over to the table, and excitedly engaged him in conversation. He didn’t move her fast enough, and it got awkward for her eventually and she left, but had he moved her I’m confident he could have bedded her, based off how excitedly and aggressively she pursued him from the outset.

Following this girl leaving, my pal was tired, and I was tired, so we decided to make our exit. On the way out, the Italian girl I’d met at the beginning of the night grabbed me and hauled me into her, and all the friends who’d been encircling her and dancing with her all night visibly backed off and left the two of us alone (one of them, a guy she’d been dancing with all night, even made the “hands off” sign and backed away when he saw us talking). Maybe she’d told them about me, or maybe they just were respectful enough of her decisions that they trusted her with any man she was willing to yank in. I was too exhausted by then to worry about handling logistics when I had a friend staying with me in my tiny apartment, so I politely excused myself, and she got quite cold as I did so. She didn’t like that I left without her; she wanted me to take her with me.

Today (Sunday), I had my first date with the girl from the subway on Friday in the café under my building. She kindly paid for everything, and we went upstairs after two hours of eating, drinking, and talking, and became lovers. She’s actually a quite beautiful girl with a very nice body, a Master’s degree, a good job downtown, and a fascinating, dynamic personality. I’m only the second man she’s been with (apparently, my recent trend of being girls’ second lover is back on again), and her first lover in two years.

What all these three – the Chinese girl, the Italian girl, and the British girl – had in common was that all three of them signaled loudly that they wanted to meet us, and I opened them (or convinced them to open) in a way that respected the Law of Least Effort and made it clear that I was responding to their efforts to position themselves near us.

I’m also quite certain that, no matter how loud those signals were, most guys would not pick up on them.

How Women Show They Want You to Say Hi

When a girl wants to get to know you, she’ll generally do a few different things – these are what to keep the corners of your eyes out for:

  • Proximity. If a girl likes you and wants you to introduce yourself, generally the very first thing she’s going to do is give you proximity. If you are somewhere, and then all of a sudden there’s a girl there next to you who wasn’t there before, it’s reasonable to assume she chose that spot because she wants to get to know you.

    Note that proximity is relative: if you’re in an empty area (like the subway station I was in on Friday), a girl is going to leave a larger space between the two of you than she will at, say, a bar in a crowded nightclub. Don’t be fazed if she leaves a big gap; if there are less people, it’d seem too obvious if she picked a spot right next to you. The distance doesn’t mean she’s any less interested if there’s a lot of empty space around.
  • Glances. Women make eyes at men they like, though typically they only give brief, fleeting glances, then look away. If you just happen to catch a woman’s eyes or head turning rapidly away from you, assume they were fixed on you just before you looked. She was doing that to get you to notice her.
  • Body Language. If a woman has very open body language pointed at you, it’s a big sign she wants to meet you. If her body is pointed in your direction, and her arms and legs are uncrossed, that’s about as open as you could possibly get. Not all women will do this, mind you; a girl might give you proximity but only face a little toward you. That’s no reason not to meet her; she might feel the proximity was too obvious, and doesn’t need to be any more obvious by giving you her body as well.
  • Random Verbalizations. Here’s a funny one. Sometimes a girl is trying to get your attention, but you just aren’t giving it, so she’ll take to making random verbalizations to try to get you to take notice of her. Things like sighing or making small complaints to no one in particular (like loudly whispering to herself, “God, this line isn’t moving at all!”) are dead giveaways she’s looking for conversation. A woman doing this is abandoning more subtle means and trying to be obvious.
  • Contact. Women sometimes tap or bump into men if they’re close enough and the guy doesn’t seem to be getting the hint. If you get women doing this, you’re probably being far too oblivious to the less subtle signs they’re giving you and they’re resorting to this, the bazooka of the, “Please say hi to me,” genre.

Particularly if you notice two or more of these in combination – like a woman who gives you proximity, then glances at you a few times; or a woman who gives you proximity, then points her body toward you – you should take that as a sign that a girl is definitely interested.

Opening Women Who Want to Talk to You

Opening casually is something I’m a big proponent of. When you open a girl, it ought to seem like no big deal. Even when you’re going direct – when you’re complimenting a woman on her looks or her hair or her sense of style – you should deliver your opener in such a way that it’s smooth, easy, and natural.

In the case of a woman who wants to talk to you, you’re even more entitled to be casual than usual, and I recommend you do subtle things to imply that the only reason you’re talking to the girl is because she made it obvious she wants to talk to you.

These may include having a sly, knowing smile on your face when you open (the emotion you want to convey is effectively, “All right, I’ll bite; here I am, cutie”) and opening in a very casual tone of voice.

You should never go barreling guns-blazing into opening a girl who’s angling for you. It should always be casual. Even if you’re on the dance floor and she’s dancing crazily near you, just turn to her and hold your hand out for her and pull her in and dance with her as if you’d come to the party with her.

The reason you want to be casual in opening is, in the woman’s mind, she thinks she’s being really obvious that she’s interested. If you jump in hard like you’re trying to be impressive, it seems quite at odds with what she’s expecting from you (she’s already chasing after you if she’s doing this; so why would you jump in and start chasing after her?), and she’ll more often than not get weirded out and be unable to mentally reconcile why you are acting this way, and she’ll just bail.

Just be casual with girls like this, and you’ll do fine. It’s all they’re hoping for out of you.

Training Yourself Up in Situational Awareness

Back to Friday night. How come I noticed that girl on the subway platform had been scoping us out, had circled around us, and had repositioned herself waiting for the train from one side of us to the other? How come I knew that Italian girl wanted to meet us, and that British girl was all about my friend? Some sort of preternatural sixth sense on my part?

Nope. Just pure old fashioned I-talked-to-enough-random-girls-that-I-can-tell-now stuff. I know when women want me to say hi; I can almost smell it in the air.

The real key to developing this ability in yourself is to pick an indicator and start meeting every girl who does it to you. The one I began with was proximity. When girls give me proximity, I talk to them. Occasionally they are rude; perhaps they’d simply needed to stand next to me for whatever reason and really had no interest in talking to me. Usually they are delighted to meet me, though. Often I can tell that they obviously were hoping to meet me, as they get a warm kind of satisfied girly smile on their faces when I say hi.

The guy I wanted to talk to is talking to me!” they are almost saying with their expressions.

Eventually you start developing a strong sense for what girls want to get to know you, and you start picking up on it even in situations you might normally be oblivious. Wherever I go now, I’m very attuned for women looking at me or suddenly appearing near me. It spurs me to action even if I’m exhausted and not looking to actively approach, because I pick up that the girl is interested, so little work will be involved in the interaction.

She already likes you, so it’s easy. Any guy who passes up girls who make it obvious they want to meet him like this is passing up a free lunch. His work’s already done for him; all he’s got to do is just say hello.

Benefits of Situational Awareness

The following are the primary benefits of knowing when women want you to say hi:

  • Targeted Opening. When you’re able to tell which girls are angling for you, it makes meeting new women much easier and more efficient – you can pick out which ones are interested in you, find the ones you’re most interested in yourself, and go meet them.
  • Not Pissing Off Girls Who Dig You. Sounds silly, but if a girl puts herself out on a limb trying to meet you, and you do nothing, she will come to resent you and feel bitter toward you. If that’s because you missed her signals, or saw them but just didn’t man up, it’s your loss; try to talk to her again later, and she’ll just be rude. Strike while the iron is hot and avoid making a girl feel bitter toward you.
  • Setting an Early Chase Frame. When you open a girl casually who signaled to you that she wanted to get to know you, you effectively communicate to her that you are yielding to her pursuit. In this way, right from the outset of a seduction, you can set a chase frame. Don’t forget to pre-open women to solidify the early chase frame.

Once you know how to tell when women want you to say hi, and once you get yourself into the habit of routinely meeting women you like the looks of who are making an effort to get you to say hi, you start seeing some pretty great results pretty fast.

This is a strong ability to work on getting down. If you like minimizing the amount of time and energy you put into looking for women, get this down and help the women who are putting their time and energy into angling for you have their efforts pay off.

Chase Amante

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his Mastery Package.


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Cause's picture

Chase, hi man! I've been reading your articles for a while and I got to tell you: this place is a goldmine! :)

"Not Pissing Off Girls Who Dig You" This is a solid perspective. Girls are handicapped in their way of communicating their desires for you. Imagine how frustrating it must feel to wait for this beautiful girl to come to you.. When you remind yourself of this, it makes you feel powerfull when you introduce yourself to a girl that shows these little signs.

Some girls however are all caught up in their minds: going their way from point A to point B. Their mind being captivated by thoughts of clothes that they want to buy and other things. So they have 0 awareness and won't give you any signs at all. Like this fine looking girl I met at a bus stop earlier this week. She didn't even acknowledge my presence. I however felt attracted to her and opened her very casual with: "hey, how's your day going". I swear.. When these words left my mouth, this girl's face lit up and we got this warm vibe going. I could tell this made her day.. I know it made mine!

Keep the words flowing mate. I appreciate you sharing your perspective and experience! You seem like a very likeable guy. I want to live life to the max - your articles for sure help me to realise this!


Chase Amante's picture

Cause, welcome! Thanks for logging in and saying hello!

Yes, precisely. Women can be standing there thinking you're the most gorgeous, interesting-looking, cool guy they've seen in months, but they still won't come up to you and say anything overt. At best they'll get close and hover around you (sometimes only for a few seconds), or very rarely they'll say something very casual around you or to you. It sucks for a gal when she really digs a guy but he doesn't move to engage her.

Sounds like exactly the case with that girl at the bus stop you met, yeah. Sometimes a woman's just waiting for any kind of opening you can give her, and she'll jump excitedly into the conversation as soon as she gets one with you ;)

Well, keep stopping by and don't be a stranger. I'll try to keep getting stuff up that hopefully will continue striking the same chords!


Oscar's picture

Hi Chase! Great blog, many insightful articles here!

I have a question about glances from girls. If she's staring at me, in order to get me noticing her, but looks away right before I lay my eyes on her, will that build a chase frame? Or do I still need to pre-open her?
Cause it's pretty obvious to her that her glance made me look...

Anonymous's picture

How about when girls look at you at work, lets say, and you look at them and have nothing to say because the relation was never established after a year but there is still interest that goes around for me. Or when you say hi. Do you hug them, do you say hi passively or do you turn your body away or towards them? act happy to see them or normal?

Tyler's picture

I've been reading a lot of the things Chase placed on this site and its helped me a greatly but there's this girl in my class. About a week ago I approached her and started talking to her she seemed pretty cool. Ever since we had that talk when she walks into class we smile at each other. I wanted to talk to her today, so I asked her something about class but in the end after she answered the question for me I didn't take the convo further, I chickened out because I'm quite shy. During class I swear I thought I saw her looking at me sometimes, quick glances then playing it off maybe I'm imagining it, idk. But then when we we were leaving class she walks up to me smiles and says bye with a soft voice. What should I take of this ? I'm not used to this but I would like to hear your opinions ?

Anonymous's picture

Would this count as random verbalization its this woman that i work with.We have developed a good relationship but sometime she is friendly and then sometime it will be like i don't exist or she is to busy to speak to me ? But in some cases that may literally be the case. Here's the thing often time I will be In a conversation she will say something like " Are you talking to me ?" but the thing is their is no way she could have taught that I was talking to her because I was already in a conversation prior to her entering the room. Literally she would walk in right as I was in the middle of my statement and ask if I was talking to her ?

JksAnon's picture

I really like this approach. Its all about just paying attention, and then being a forthright human being. Good advice in any situation,. Not only helps to meet women, but also keep the one you really like in a fulfilling relationship. Pay attention, and respond appropriately in a calm confident friendly manner.

Anonymous's picture

If you look good, women will let you talk to them and they will be polite, if not they'll be rude no matter how nice you act.

I'm dressing not so nice lately and not cutting my hair, so women are treating me like crap. All I have to do is get a haircut and wear different clothing and they're all over me, but they don't like me, just how I look.

Men have not cornered the shallow market.

Mickey's picture

You, sir, are not wrong.

Peterdre's picture

Hi Chase! Thank you for this great article, but I have a question related to my most recent experience.

How do you act towards a girl that has started being bitter after you missed several approach invitations, like named in the article? Basically there is this girl I see at work staring at me, providing proximity. But I haven't done anything to approach her and now I can sense the attraction going down every second. To be honest I'm afraid she'll be rude if I approached her now. Like one week ago she used to chase me during lunch break, now she looks quite pissed when she sees me. How can I save this one?


Dashie's picture

Hey Peterdre,

You can try saying hi to her even late in her signalling her.
If she responds warmly you can try and pick up a conversation, although if she is bitter you can ignore her and move on.

What your doing the situation that I talked out isn't chasing as long as you don't seem desperate and casual about it.

It will help ease the tension.


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