Girlfriend Moody? It's in Her Genes (But You Can Fix It)


girlfriend moodyOn the new forum join bonus post where I asked for suggestions for the limited-time ebook offered to the first group of forum members, a reader weighed in with his preference:

I'd like some tips and tricks, and knowledge about longer term relationships - for example, how to bring a girl out of that 'brick wall' sulk! I seem to attract fiery and moody, and I would like to know how other people deal with this. Never too old to learn?

While this didn't make it into the ebook in question, I've been trying to get through each of these and tackle the ones that weren't addressed there on the website here.

If you've been in a relationship that lasted any substantial length of time, you've no doubt encountered what our commenter here is talking about - that sulky, pouting, dreary moody girlfriend situation.

For men in relationships, there are few things more dispiriting than a girlfriend, moody and sulky, skulking around the apartment, acting like somebody stole her bag of cookies, and you have absolutely no idea why. It can make you want to pull your hair out and exclaim, "Out with it already, woman!"

If she'd just TELL YOU what the problem was, by George, then you could address it at least!

Well, if it's any consolation, science is here to tell us we're not crazy, and women really DO do this and feel this a lot more than men.

And I'm here to tell you what to do about it so she knocks this off and starts acting a little more chipper again.


girlfriend moody

From the a paper published by a number of researchers from the Swedish Karolinska Institutet in the journal NeuroImage comes "Sex differences in the serotonin 1A receptor and serotonin transporter binding in the human brain measured by PET," discussing neural receptors and transporters in the brain for compounds that are correlated with moodiness:

Women and men differ in serotonin associated psychiatric conditions, such as depression, anxiety and suicide. Despite this, very few studies focus on sex differences in the serotonin system. Of the biomarkers in the serotonin system, serotonin1A (5-HT1A) receptor is implicated in depression, and anxiety and serotonin transporter (5-HTT) is a target for selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors, psychotropic drugs used in the treatment of these disorders. The objective of the present study was to study sex related differences in the 5-HT1A receptor and 5-HTT binding potentials (BPNDs) in healthy humans, in vivo. Positron emission tomography and selective radioligands [11C]WAY100635 and [11C]MADAM were used to evaluate binding potentials for 5-HT1A receptors (14 women and 14 men) and 5-HTT (8 women and 10 men). The binding potentials were estimated both on the level of anatomical regions and voxel wise, derived by the simplified reference tissue model and wavelet/Logan plot parametric image techniques respectively.

Compared to men, women had significantly higher 5-HT1A receptor and lower 5-HTT binding potentials in a wide array of cortical and subcortical brain regions. In women, there was a positive correlation between 5-HT1A receptor and 5-HTT binding potentials for the region of hippocampus. Sex differences in 5-HT1A receptor and 5-HTT BPND may reflect biological distinctions in the serotonin system contributing to sex differences in the prevalence of psychiatric disorders such as depression and anxiety. The result of the present study may help in understanding sex differences in drug treatment responses to drugs affecting the serotonin system.

I've bolded the important parts.

What this research is saying is that two aspects of brain makeup were studied in male and female brains:

  • A receptor that's tied to depression, and

  • A transporter used to combat anxiety and regulate serotonin

The researchers found that, compared to men, women had:

  • More of the receptors linked to depression (which would imply a higher tendency toward becoming depressed), and

  • Less ability to bind the transporters combatting anxiety and regulating serotonin

What this essentially stands as is some evidence that women are biologically more prone to depression and anxiety, and more resistant to the compounds used to break them out of these mental states.

In other words, women are naturally more likely to be moody, and naturally more likely to have difficulty breaking out of these moody conditions.


What It's Like to Mood Swing

There are men reading this site who are all over the map, emotionally. One guy reading this article may be thinking to himself, "Sure - I know exactly what this is like... I'm moody all the time!" while another man is probably reading this and thinking, "I REALLY don't get how you can have moods wildly swinging around and plunging you into depression and then swinging back out again... women, geez!"

So, here's a brief picture of what it's like for your moody girlfriend when she gets hit with a mood swing.

Imagine it's a normal day - the sun is out, the birds are chirping, and you're going about your normal daily routine. You feel just fine - maybe even a little upbeat.

Then, a thought pops into your mind - you remember that time your boyfriend came home really late one night and smelled a little like perfume and you were never 100% certain if he was telling you the truth or not that he was at a work meeting and one of the coworkers spritzed her perfume on right next to him at one point and some splashed over on him.

You start thinking about it... was he cheating? You don't really know. You think about it some more... well, he's always been really honest. But then again, that issue of Cosmopolitan you just read said that that's one of the signs you should keep an eye out for - your guy smelling like another woman.

Oh man... should you break up with him? Or not? What should you do?

Suddenly, you start feeling really down... really helpless. You could confront him about it again, but he'll probably just get annoyed. What if he's telling the truth? Then you'll just be bugging him and look really insecure. But what if he's hiding something? You're never going to know if you don't confront him over it.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, you've just become moody, cranky, and depressed. When people come up to talk to you, you don't really want to talk to them. And when he calls later... ugh. Do you REALLY want to talk to him? Well...

girlfriend moody

And then he gets all whiney about it. "What's wrong?" he asks. Ugh. Clueless. He should KNOW what it is... how could he come back smelling like perfume like that 6 months ago? Horrible man.

Then, later, when you meet up with him, he drags it out of you what you're being sulky about, addresses it, and suddenly you feel great again. How silly you were to waste the whole day worrying about this! I mean geez, you already went through all this 6 months ago... you trusted him then, you should trust him now.

And, just like that, everything's right as rain all over again.


Is This Some Kind of Temporary Insanity?

Actually, it's a product of rumination.

Rumination is something we looked at in the article on how to overcome depression. It's the obsessive thinking about, turning over and over in one's mind of, and fixating on something or somethings that you can't do anything about and can't think your way to a satisfactory solution with.

Basically, it's a bear trap for your mind.

You get your foot stuck in rumination, and now you're going nowhere fast. You're trapped in this endless, fatalistic cycle of doom in which you just think and think and think about something and can never achieve any kind of resolution.

It's enough to drive you mad.

If you've never spent time being depressed, or moody, or fatalistic, you're both blessed (not to have experienced these undermining, self-defeating emotions) and somewhat disadvantaged in this arena (because you'll have an infinitely more difficult time understanding and dealing with these emotions in others - particularly, the women in your life).

One of the major benefits of spending time being depressed yourself is the ability to properly empathize with others going through similar mental states, and the ability of getting a good read on how to wrest them out of those states.

But let's assume relating to this kind of mental prison of defeat doesn't come all that naturally to you... or, even if it does, figuring out how to combat moodiness has you totally licked.

How do you crack this nut?


girlfriend moody

The first thing you want to understand is that there are three distinct flavors of moody girlfriend that show up with different causes and characteristics. These are:

  1. Extra Melodrama: these are the girls who are acting moody and pouty because they want to get a reaction out of you. They aren't really feeling all that bad... they are, rather, exaggerating their symptoms of moodiness in order to get you to take notice and come rushing and white knighting your way to the rescue.

  2. Genuine Distress: women in this state are genuinely upset about something, and they aren't exaggerating it (or, if they are, it's just a little bit). They may be looking for help from you, but they may just as likely simply be feeling down and not really care about trying to seem "up" or cheerful for your (or anyone's) benefit.

  3. End of Her Rope: this is the girl who's so over it with you that she's miffed at you all the time and there isn't anything you ever seem to be able to do about it. She's essentially talking herself out of her relationship with you, and not so long from now you're more likely to be getting over your ex than you are to be trying to figure out why she's spending so much time being so sulky.

As you might surmise, each of these women needs something different, and that's where a lot of guys end up confused.

They figure out one of these, only to find it doesn't apply across them all.

So, let's take a look at how you recognize a girlfriend moody with each of these types of moods, and give you a strategy for handling each one.


Moody Girlfriend #1: Extra Melodrama

You can recognize a girl who's bandying about extra melodrama by the following dramatic flares:

  • There are frequent loud noises, bangs, crashes, outbursts, sighs, or other dramatic displays designed to capture your attention. Women who are actually just moody and not seeking attention don't cause a lot of commotion... they just sit quietly by and sulk.

  • There are loud accusations and lots of finger-pointing. Again, this is designed to draw a reaction out of you, and to bring matters to a head.

  • If the above two fail to get your attention, they are usually followed by declarations of what she will do (like break up, or hang out with some other guy, or start calling her girlfriend for a girl's night out). This is also designed to spur you into action and kick start the normal man's, "What's wrong, honey?!" panic mode.

The first thing you should recognize about extra melodrama moodiness is that it's exaggerated and a conscious ploy to a certain extent, designed to produce a reaction out of you, and that ALL women do it, and that ALL women know they do it.

The second thing you should recognize about it is that, annoying and contrived as it may be, it is built around some kind of point of contention or some bad emotion that she needs resolved, although it's typically not anything too bad, and a little emotional comforting will usually do the trick.

So, your thoughts on extra melodrama girlfriend moodiness normally ought to be:

  • "Blech... this is so annoying and contrived. It's childish," and

  • "All right, let's figure out what's driving this and get it resolved."

Your reaction should not be the panicky normal man's, "Oh no, what IS it?," said as if the world was about to implode. This kind of reaction just drives women even crazier.

girlfriend moody

Rather, you're best served adopting the irritated-but-stern tone of a father whose reading of the daily newspaper has been interrupted by dramatic attention-getting displays of children in faux-crisis.

You: Are you going to tell me what this is about, or are you just going to run around sighing and acting like you're going to go jump off a bridge?

Asking her something like this is usually all it takes to get her to open up.

If she resists, you persist. Like so:

You: Are you going to tell me what this is about, or are you just going to run around sighing and acting like you're going to go jump off a bridge?

Her: No, it's fine. It's nothing. [she wants you to chase after her and say, "What?"]

You: Just tell me why you're banging pots and shutting doors loudly already.

Her: I'm fine.

You: Look, either tell me what all the dramatic displays are about, or knock it off. I can't read your mind; 5 minutes ago you were happy. Are you going to cut this out, or are you going to tell me what this is?

Usually at this point she'll simply tell you what she's unhappy about. Half the time it's going to be something (often somewhat silly) to do with you; the rest of the time, it'll be something else in her life that she simply needs to vent about, but didn't feel comfortable bothering you with (she needed an invitation to do so, and for you to chase her down and squeeze it out of her).

Why do women do this? Why not just bring up the problem and be done with it?

It's done because they want to feel like you care about them enough that you will recognize when they're in distress and can comfort them and make them feel better. Which is why this so often works; most of the time, the very effort by you to make them tell you what's on their mind and showing enough concern at least to listen is all women need to feel better again.

Reassured that someone does care, they can resume normal activities, without all the dramatic displays.

However, it's always better to be firm here (like in the examples above), rather than the panicky, clueless male, "What's wrong, honey??," as this is not comforting so much as it is disappointing (e.g., "Oh GOD, he doesn't get and he isn't in control").

Instead, when you tell her to knock it off or tell her what's on her mind and point out to her the things she is doing (e.g., banging pots, shutting doors loudly, she was happy 5 minutes ago, as in the example above), she feels like you are paying attention to her, and thus get her and care.


Moody Girlfriend #2: Genuine Distress

When you have a girlfriend whose moodiness is genuine distress, you cannot take the same "stern father-figure" tone you want to take with a girlfriend who’s causing extra melodrama. Her moodiness is not exaggerated... it's real. Here are the signs:

  • She's very quiet. Rather than going storming around banging about and causing a lot of noise and bluster, she's off somewhere you don't know where, sitting by herself, sulking. Correspondence-wise, she isn't the same as usual either; her text messages or phone conversations will be less lively, or may stop coming altogether.

  • She softly and sadly says, "Nothing," or, "I'm fine," when you ask her what's wrong. She isn't making a big show of things like a girlfriend with extra melodrama does, and she isn't dripping with vitriol and disgust like a girlfriend at the end of her rope is. She's just sad, soft, and retreating.

Genuine distress is caused by something in her life that has genuinely distressed her. The two of you may have had an argument where you said something genuinely hurtful. Or someone at work or one of her friends may have been especially mean, and caused her to doubt whether she's doing what she supposed to be doing with her life. Or, a family member may be ill.

Don't always assume that genuine distress is about you. Much of the time, it isn't.

How do you deal with this kind of moodiness?

  • Go to where she is,
  • Sit down next to her,
  • Put your arm around her,
  • ... and just be with her there.

Sit that way for a few minutes. If she wants to talk, you can talk to her, but if she doesn't, no need to force it. You're simply reassuring her with your strength and presence that things are not as bad as they seemed.

If it's in reaction to something mean or hurtful you did, then this is one of those few times (as noted in "Should You Apologize to Women?") when you should apologize. e.g.:

You: I'm sorry I yelled at you. I've been super stressed with the new project I'm on, and not getting a lot of sleep. It wasn't you I was mad at... you just were unlucky enough to trigger all those emotions in me to come bursting forth. Sorry about that.

If it's not in reaction to something you've just done though, you can skip saying anything.

After a few minutes of comforting, rub her arms and get back up. Make her a nice offer: "I'm going to go put a pizza on. Do you want a mozzarella or a tonno?"

If she says she doesn't want anything, pick whichever one she usually likes best: "I'll put on a tonno," and then go do it. When it's ready, let her know. If she says she doesn't want it, just say, "Okay, well, it's out here and it's delicious. If you want it, you'd better come join me soon, because I'm going to eat all of it and you know I will."

That will usually be enough to get her to come out and join you, and at that point she'll be feeling much, much better.


Moody Girlfriend #3: End of Her Rope

If you are fortunate, you may never have to run into this one.

However, if you're like the average Western male these days and you don't much know what you really want out of relationships as an end-goal (we discussed this in-depth in "How to Start a Relationship with a New Girlfriend" the other day), you will encounter this... and it ain't pretty.

Here's what differentiates a girlfriend moody to the point she's at the end of her rope from the other sorts of moody girlfriends:

  • She isn't just upset... she's disgusted, all the time. She's angry and disgusted with you, and you're frequently fielding scowls and grimaces rather than smiles and happy faces.

  • She avoids you, and is spending less and less time with you. In other words, she's withdrawing from the relationship.

  • She's terse with you, and treats you more like a prison warden than a romantic partner. You feel like she views you as bad person who's restricting and constraining her and preventing her from being happy.

This is a bad place to be, and it immediately precedes a breakup event.

girlfriend moody

My typical recommendation is, once you reach this point with a girlfriend, it's time to break up with her, because the relationship has spoiled and got rotten.

So that you can understand and interpret what this is and what's going on with it though, I'll explain it: she's reached a point where she feels that she cannot get what she wants and needs with you and this relationship, but you also won't easily let her go and set her free.

She's fighting with herself over whether to remain in a relationship she's grown unhappy with, or whether to leave and start anew somewhere else. Of course, it's a tough decision to make because she's so invested by this point.

What are your options to fix this? Well, they're pretty much this:

  1. You can give her what she wants and needs, or

  2. You can let her go.

Those are your two fixes, and your only two fixes.

When I was younger and less experienced in the ways of women and relationship, I thought that it was possible to simply stretch things out, or provide solutions for these kinds of issues like joint self-expansion. And, while joint self-expansion is great for maintaining a solid relationship, it's a poor panacea for unmet needs.

You can bandage a relationship by "tricking" a woman into thinking there's some progress in it, but at some point she's going to realize that that's what it was - a trick to make her feel like it was going somewhere.

And it isn't.

Not to anywhere she wants it to get to, anyway.

My view these days is that a man who tries hanging onto a woman who's unsatisfied in their relationship without giving her what she needs is selfish, no two ways about it.

Do you really care about her?

Then decide if you can give her what she needs (and you should know by the time she reaches this point what she needs... she will have brought it up many times before while in extra melodrama moody or genuine distress moody). If so, give it to her. If not, let her go.

Word of warning: it's my personal experience that once a relationship reaches this point, it's permanently damaged. Even if you give her what she wants and needs, it's a bit of a case of too little, too late. It's like waiting to drive between the lines on the highway until after you hit another car. Sure, now you probably won't hit anything else, but you've got a big ugly dent in the side of your Honda and it's always going to pull a little to the left side. If you're going to give her what she needs, do it before she reaches this point; and if she ever reaches this point, end things so you can both start over fresh with partners you don't have this baggage with.


Being Mr. Sunshine

You don't have to be a happy-go-lucky, boundless-enthusiasm guy to make women feel better when they're feeling down. No need to put on your rainbow colored wig and Bozo nose. Some firmness, care, and genuine concern (without coming across weak, clueless, or sappy, mind you) is usually all it takes.

If you feel annoyed that your woman is acting moody, keep in mind that she's biologically prone to this, and she isn't enjoying it anymore than you are... it's just a part of being a woman.

However, with this article, you have the tools to fix it: quickly, easily, and without much fanfare or expenditure of effort (at least, for the non-nuclear two scenarios, that is).

White knights, eat your hearts out.

Before you click away from here, I'd also recommend you check out the following articles on some very related subjects... if you haven't read them already, of course:

So, stay calm, be firm, and let her know you're listening.

And usually, that's all it really takes.

Until next time,
Chase Amante

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Comments

Balen's picture

Just started a business.


Hi Chase!

Awesome article by the way. I bought your mastery package and love it, haven't gotten through all of it yet, cause I've been so busy lately but it looks like its very promising.

I've also been following your blog for sometime now, and notice you used to be a sales person, and prospered your way into the world of business. I just started working with someone that I met not long ago, who owns an advertising company (just the name) and he wants me as a potential partner. This company still has a long way to go, since me and him are the only ones running it. But I believe we can make this company work. We're putting in the hours and are already in the process of getting new contracts. Our next phase is to start hiring people (which will be sometime next week)

We do promotions for up and coming businesses, who are interested in attracting new customers. So far we've signed 3 contracts with 2 pizza businesses and one hair salon. We don't charge the businesses anything (this way we compete with other advertising companies), other than having them sign the contract stating that they will honor the promotion. We make deals where customers pay a small amount per promotion ($20-40 depending on the type of business, and what the deal consists of) printed in pamphlet form, which is valid throughout the whole year. We currently sell the promotions door to door. By next week we are looking to hire 5-10 people, due to the increase in demands.

I am quite new to this line of work. I really want to understand the process and marketing strategies in businesses like this and really understand the opportunities and outcomes such a business can have. I'm convinced I finally found a career that I can enjoy for once and not have anyone above me. I'd love to hear your advice and Any pointers/tweaks or directions to links or concepts . Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Ballen

Chase Amante's picture

Re: Just started a business.

Author

Hi Ballen,

As it's your first business, you're bound to hit some bumps along the way, but that's natural and part of the learning process.

I don't have any personal experience in door-to-door selling or very much in advertising, so I can't give you any expert advice there, however one thing I'd caution you is to pay close attention to effort vs. reward. From what I can tell, the business here is high effort, low reward, which is going to make it a challenging business to run and a challenging one to stick with. Essentially, once you've been at it a little while and you've found you're working very hard going door to door, but the income from it isn't that great, you're going to start facing a lot of doubts about whether you really want to continue in this line of business or whether you want to fold up shop.

My recommendation is, enjoy learning the basic business processes while things are still fresh and you're filled with enthusiasm, but keep an eye out for ways you can streamline what you're doing, minimize the effort, and (ideally) get customers coming to you. Can you team up with a local magazine or newspaper to get your promotion in front of more potential buyers? Can you get a journalist to write an article about an up-and-coming business doing a new kind of advertising, so that more clients hear about you and come your way? Is someone on your team experienced enough with IT that you can build a good-looking web presence, or do you have the funds to hire a developer to do that for you?

Learn the business, learn how to pitch it and sell it, but also look for ways to reduce the amount of work you and your partner and your employees are doing and increase your reach and prospects' exposure to you. The less work any particular task takes, the more of those tasks you can perform and the more rapidly you can grow, expand, and improve your business.

Think "minimize work, maximize footprint."

Chase

Zac's picture

Topic On Eye Contact


Anyone who has known a lot of women that do this surely got to agree with me this article hit the right notes. Btw, I hope you can clarify with me, there's a post on tactics and techniques by me, i am experimenting on purposely looking at women when i enter a scene (like trains). "An Overlook Focus on Eye Contact".

An interesting thing is, i have had women giving me positive body language. Another point, i had one girl acting bored, because i look around and not looking at her before sitting in the train. Well let's just say she wasn't too amused when i didn't talk to her. She was just okay. XD Oh btw, i also read article on "Eyes that Draw". I am keen on you helping me, tell me how does that work? there must be a place where you standing and she standing for it to work, and not all places you can pull it off.

i think i am getting my fundamentals perfectly right, there's always room for improvement but the thing i am surprised is, even when i am not well dressed, i still get reactions.

Zac

Chase Amante's picture

Topic On Eye Contact

Author

Zac,

Yeah, that's an interesting phenomenon. I haven't seen any research on it (and I've looked!), but I've noticed that you can often attract someone's attention with even very minimal eye contact from a long distance and what would seem to be an implausible place to be noticed at. For instance, gazing out a second story window at someone walking 200 feet away outside and looking straight ahead, and suddenly they turn and look up at you. It's freaky.

On the reverse side, I've had plenty of times when I've turned and looked - not because I had any kind of feeling, but I really just felt like I was looking for the heck of it, just because I decided to - and then boom, my eyes locked smack onto someone staring at me from far away just about out of the field of my vision. Did I really just happen to look over, or was something triggered in my head that made me look?

My working theory on this is that eye contact is so vitally important (e.g., knowing if a potential mate is staring at you, or a potential attacker / predator / thief) that the brain is able to take very small amounts of data (e.g., the low amount of visual data you get from peripheral vision, and an even lower amount of "white of his/her eyes" data you'd get from someone looking dead at you close to your blind spot) and use that to activate you to check and see if someone's looking at you (without informing conscious you that that's what it's doing, lest you freak out prior to receiving confirmation that someone is actually looking at you and it wasn't simply a false positive).

On the other hand, I've also found that different people have different levels of "strong" eye contact. For instance, I often have to avert my gaze if I don't want someone to know I'm close by or nearing them (or I just don't want to get into a staring contest), because most people instantly detect when I am looking at them, even from large distances, and turn to look at me. I've met plenty of individuals who do not have this concern - they can stare at others' eyes all day long and people still won't look at them. For me, a glance is enough to have others instantly focus on me (and has been since I was very young). I've done experiments with getting people driving cars to turn their heads completely around and look at me in the backseat of an adjacent car (how often do you turn your head to look out your driver's side window while driving and stare at someone else? ... never, right?), after telling a car full of people I was going to do this. Everyone explodes in laughter when I do it and the driver's head whips around. I've even had fairly good luck with getting people to turn around while staring at the back of their heads.

I don't know what causes the latter. I don't know if there are some kind of rudimentary light-sensing cells in the back of the head or neck that pick up on this, or if it's related to the phenomenon shown in ganzfeld experiments. It's weird stuff.

Anyway, I'll check out that post you made on the forums.

Chase

Anonymous's picture

Moving Abroad


Hey Chase, a little off topic but I'd like to see a post on moving out of the country and just traveling with a suitcase around different places. It seems like this would automatically make a person much more interesting by giving them entirely new reference points, as you talked about in the below post. Maybe something about the logistics and psychology of it would be interesting. I'd like to follow in your footsteps to Europe or Asia and leave the boring, expected, average corporate world in my dust.

Chase Amante's picture

Traveling with a Suitcase

Author

Hi Anon,

I'll see what I can do!

Chase

studentofthegame's picture

Chase what country do you


Chase what country do you plan on visiting next?

studentofthegame's picture

daddys girls


Chase what do you mean by if one desires a girl friend he should go for a "daddy's girl"?

Chase Amante's picture

Daddy's Girls

Author

Hey Student,

I meant girls who have/had close relationships with their fathers and really love their fathers and think very highly of them. An individual's relationship with his/her parent of the opposite sex reflects what you can expect him/her to be like in a relationship with an opposite sex partner to a very high degree.

So, if you have a girl who walked all over her father, expect her to look for a man she can walk all over as a boyfriend.

If you have a girl who had an absent father, expect her to have a dysfunctional relationship with boyfriends.

If you have a girl who had a really close, healthy, strong relationship with her father, expect her to have a relationship like that with her boyfriends (and YOU), too.

Chase

Hugh 's picture

PSU


Hey Chase, been reading your articles for a some time now, and have been very beneficial to my progress with girls. In a previous article I heard you went to Penn State, as I am currently a student at PSU. As a fan of your site, I'm curious, what were your favorite bar/clubs to go to in State College?

Chase Amante's picture

Penn State Venues

Author

Hey Hugh,

Well, it's been a few years (six and a half, to be exact), and the names have changed. The Player's Club was my main hangout, although it's called something else now, and Club Love was really solid until some guy decided to play peacemaker between two guys fighting because one guy thought the other guy said something to his girlfriend, and the peacemaker got stabbed in the heart with an icepick and tied in the hospital 4 days later. That one was a ghost town after that incident, not because anyone was necessarily afraid (who at PSU stabs people in the heart with an icepick?? Everybody knew it was a one-time anomaly) but because nobody thought anybody else would go back.

There wasn't really anywhere else I found all that great for meeting girls at. I went to pretty much all the different bars, some of them pretty frequently, but didn't have much luck elsewhere, at least back then.

And, because my college friends threw some of the best house parties on campus, they were doing house parties a lot more often than going to bars, so the only time I ended up in bars and clubs pretty much was to pick up!

Penn State's a great school to learn game at though... it's big enough that there are always new women to meet, but small enough that you can experiment with social circle if you like, too.

Chase

Anonymous's picture

good information


in general your blog posts have a lot more substance than most regular pua sites. i'm by no means a master but i'm no longer a novice when it comes to women, and i agree with a lot of what you say, particularly the main biggest point being always staying in control.

i also highly highly agree with your blog post on smirking right. i personally think squinting my eyes just a little helps a lot too.

in general i think you keep a pretty good site running, even though at first it seems really cheesy because it's called girls chase lol.

keep up the good work.

Chase Amante's picture

Re: good information

Author

Thanks Anon - glad to hear you're finding some substance on the site. Squinting can be good, yeah.

I kind of like that the name is a little cheesy at first. When Apple computer chose its name, they chose it in part because it was spunky, fresh, and unexpected (also because, starting with the letter "A," it'd place near the top in most business directories, though that's less of a concern in the Internet age). To me, something a little cheesy and different and memorable feels more fitting than the rather stuffy, longwinded "science-y" names that most businesses in this niche employ... :/

Chase

Vaughn's picture

Mood swings, A.A., Fun instead of Daunting


Hey chase the very first paragraph you describe girls mood swings is exactly how I am. I can be happy then think about something in the past that will make me get very angry and upset and I act that way with a scowl on my face, which makes me very intimadating and unapproachable. I've read your article about depression and it helps but I feel anger and rage with my mood swings, i want to get revenge on people who did me wrong and this is an everyday thing.I can't stop the mood swings. How do I stop thinking about bad things from my past and how do I stop these mood swings? It's an everydaything.

I really can't approach Chase, what's wrong with me? I re-read your articles again and again about A.A., but I just cant do it. I just don't feel like doing it, I think I make it harder than it is, but it's very daunting for me. I feel lazy and I think that girls don't want to be approached by some random guy. Please Chase tell me How can I do approaching? It's so difficult for me since I've never done it. I re-read the aa articles all the time and try to apply the steps, but I just can't do it. I want to and I know I have to, what can I do to get past this barrier? I'm tired of this, I want more women in my life, I don't want this to be daunting, I want to have fun and get girls. I feel like I'm trapped in a box And can't approach. Please Chase get me over this hump.

How can I make approaching girls fun instead of a daunting mission?

Thank you!!!

Chase Amante's picture

Negative Thought Cycles / Not Approaching

Author

Hey Vaughn,

Obsessive thinking / rumination is actually an addiction, often related to some degree of obsessive-compulsive disorder, and more prevalent in people with higher levels of intelligence. It is also, in my experience, very related to people with a past-oriented approach toward life. See this video for more detail on that:

On not being able to approach: check out the Newbie Assignment on the boards and do that. If you absolutely CANNOT force yourself to do it, the only other suggestion I can make is find a friend and tell him you need to get yourself approaching, and that his sole job is to force you to go talk to women, no matter what. Tell him you're not allowed to give him any excuses, and that you have to do whatever he tells you to do, no matter how ridiculous.

Chase

Anonymous's picture

manly moodiness


Can being moody yourself make you seem more edgy/sexually appealing. In one of your fundamentals articles you mention that you should be warm and stable all the time. This seems a little fake to me and doesn't being moody add to the Byronic man concept? But how moody is too moody?

Chase Amante's picture

Re: Manly Moodiness

Author

Hi Anon,

You're right this can be one very alluring edgy, Byronic trait. If you're naturally a very emotionally changeable person, it may not be realistic for you to try to tamp down and control your emotions, and rather look for ways to better steer / control / direct them.

"How moody is too moody?" is a question that depends very much on the kind of woman you're going for. Generally speaking, the more moody you are, the more stable a partner you need, and the more stable someone is, the more moody a partner they tend to seek. e.g., naturally very calm guys all the time are complimented more by fiery, dynamic women who can add some spice and energy to their lives. But, very moody, emotional guys come to blows with these kinds of women, and tend to fare better with calmer, stabler women, who can absorb their mood swings and mellow them out.

Essentially I'd say, the moodier you are, the calmer / stabler / quieter the kind of woman you'll attract, and the calmer / stabler / quieter you are, the moodier / more dynamic / more vivacious the kind of woman you'll attract. Adjust yourself according to your preferences.

Chase

Jamesbond's picture

Can you write an article about compliments


Hi there Chase,

Can you write an article about compliments to girls that are interested in. Not just from that you approached cold but girls that you met through hobbies or friends. I tend to like to tell girls aggressive compliments of sexual nature. Like I would think they are good kissers, they have nice ass or legs, or that I love their bodies and also other compliments in which is related to personality type because there are 2 opinions about compliments. One last question, there is something where you mentioned screening and qualifying so you ask a question and if you like the answer than you qualify do I always need that or can just qualify based on observations. So, if I like the way she dances or if I like that she is good with people or that if she is just cool to sit down with me in the side road is that also ok????

Chase Amante's picture

Compliments

Author

Howdy JB,

Sure - I've added it to the article queue.

You can certainly compliment/qualify on things people are doing that you like. Just make sure that it's something real and the compliment is genuine, and it will go over well and accomplish what you want it to accomplish.

Chase

Anonymous's picture

I'm female, and I absolutely


I'm female, and I absolutely agree with what was written in this article. I wish my ex had read this while we were dating. Great insight into the female psyche. I'm not usually into tactics used to get into girls' pants, but I feel this was a good article to know how to read a girlfriend's moods and what it actually means.

Chris's Bad Day's picture

Good advice


Well turns out that my girlfriend was option number 3 on your list. About 4 hours after reading the article she broke up with me... Talk about timing.

We were together 4 years and we had different life goals, which I guess were too much for her in the end. I wanted to work at it, but she doesn't. Thanks for the article, it helped me understand the warning signs I missed. Maybe it's for the best, as I was becoming unhappy too, however I think this may have been because of her decline in mood and anger towards me for some time. She used to mean everything to me and I started to feel like she was gone even before we broke up. We used to be able to talk about anything, enjoy eachothers company, laugh, joke and smile. But she changed. She left me long ago and this was the final nail in the coffin. I wish I could be with who she used to be, I miss that person with all my heart :(

I think I will stay single for a long time now. Maybe forever. Every time my heart gets broken it chips a part away from me that I never seem to get back. Now I just feel emotionally numb, too numb to cry or smile. Maybe it's for the best, as not feeling anything anymore is better than hurting. I just wish I knew what to do now.

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